Editorial Page of The Journal
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True is the observation of
Confucius, that we take
greater pains to persuade oth
ers that we are happy than
endeavoring to think so our
selves. Goldsmith.
A LESSON OF THE STRIKE.
AN ECONOMIC PACT that if
of considerable importance
to Portland has been made
conspicuous by the results of the
grainhandlers' strike. It is that this
city can handle wheat for export with
more facility and lower net cost than
the work can be done at any port on
the sound, and still pay 40 cents an
hoar to grainhandlers, while their
wages on the sound are but 30 cents.
Than this showing nothing could be
more direct and convincing of Port
land's superiority as a port.
The handling of grain over a dock
Is like any other process requiring
machinery largely a question of
. mrrhaniral equipment There are
other conditions, as convenience of
location, switching, charges, and ar
rangement of transportation facilities
A Portland exporter who operates his
own dock is authority for the state
ment that payment of the increased
wage to the grainhandlers adds but
one and a half cents per ton to his
cost of handling the wheat. This
amount if a bagatelle, and will, he
says, be absorbed by the dock, so
that its effect will not be felt either
by the shipper or the farmer. It fol
lows that the only injury inflicted on
Portland by the grainhandlers'
troubles, has been the temporary Di
version to sound ports of large ship
ments of wheat that should and
would have come to Portland for ex
port. As to the grsinhandlers, their
working season averages 200 days,
and It 40 cents an hour they will earn
$800 a year.
The existence of a "grain ring"
that dominates the export trade and
controls Portland and sound dock
has often been charged by Independ
ent shippers and warehouse men.
They say they have in time past been
subjected to oppressive conditions.
They were compelled to sell their ex
port grain to members of the so
called "ring," 0r leave it in their
warehouses, as they were unable to
secure independent facilities on the
sound for cleaning, grading and stor
ing the wheat How much ground
there has been for these charges still
remains to be proven, but certain fea
tures of the present strike trouble
point strongly to a confirmation. It
appears indisputable that the con
trolling factors in Pacific northwest
grain trade dominate the dockage on
the sound as well as on the Wil
lamette river. It is a matter almost
of indifference to them whether they
export the grain from one or the
other port Naturally, they favor the
point of least resistance, and since
' the Portland grainhandlers have
kicked up a muss, the men who are in
control of the bulk of wheat ship
ment are sending it to the sound.
How long this diversion will con
tinue is a matter of speculation. The
stream may turn from the sound to
Portland any day, and next week this
city may be handling practically all
export wheat that has remained in the
interior warehouses or in transit.
Should the sound grainhandlers, who
are now going out tie up all dock
age facilities at Tacoma and Seattle,
Portland will again have a decided
advantage. With one of this port's
best wheat docks already opened,
measures may be taken to provide
more facilities, snd while the war
ring elements are fighting oiu the
grainhandlers' controversy on the
sound, Portland will be shipping the
wheat. The O. R. k N. company
can, of course, be relied upon to as
sist in every way possible to bring
about this result, for it gets the haul
4) on every ton "of wheat that comes
from eastern Washington and Ore
gon to Portland, excepting the ton
nags that passes over the Celilo port
- age road.
But aside from these transitory
' ' conditions, the time is near when the
absolute supremacy of the Columbia
rtver as a gram port will be demon
strated and aatahUshad tor all time
With the opening of the north bank
line by the Hill companies, and com
pletion of the jetty. Portland's un
natural conditions that now influence
traffic will disappear; no longer will
the Hill roads fight for the doubtful
favor of being permitted to lift the
tonnage of the inland empire over
the Cascade mountains to the sound.
The products of s region comprising
250,000 square miles will follow the
water- grade.
THE HAPPY FAMILY PLATT.
AS BETWEEN Senator Piatt
and his wife there is, from all
accounts, little margin for
choice. That he is disreputable and
debauched in private life as well ss in
public life, ' and is devoid of moral
principles in domestic as well as polit
ical relations, may be easily believed.
A man who for the better part of half
a century has used what talents he
had and during much of that time a
high public station, merely to graft
off the public, to wrong the people
who honored him, to serve uncon
scionable and extortionate corpora
tions in violation of his oath of of
fice and his plain duty, is none too
good to practice conjugal infidelities
or become morally delinquent to any
extent short of subjecting himself to
criminal prosecution and punish
ment And if Mae Wood's story be
true, and Whoever or whatever she is
she is quite as credible as he, old
Piatt ought to be behind prison bars
instead of disgracing a seat in the
senate.
But let us not weep over the woes
of Mrs. Piatt. It is not the amorous
antics of the senile Lothario that
prick the sensitive soul of her, but
his temerity in exposing her own al
leged marital misdoings and his
craftiness in making arrangements
whereby she will not get hi's money
when he does the country the favor
of departing this life. It is the mil
lion that the comparatively young
and volubly vixenish dame is jealous
of, not the withered old human hulk
she yoked.. herself with from wholly
mercenary and selfish motives. Be
ing a senator, he could gite her so
cial standing. He was not very rich,
bm had a million or so, which he
probably promised her at his death,
and she calculated that he could not
live long. "Ha wanted a handsome
woman," she says, "and he's got to
pay for me" besides letting me have
my own diversions, from slapping
him to smiling on a lusty coachman
In such a case disgust of decent peo
ple balances the scales. Piatt got no
more than he deserved in the hand
some shrew, and if he con deprive
her of his money at his death he will
not treat her amiss.
A DEMOCRATIC TEST.
I If THE LEADTNO IWclVTn the
current issue of Mr.. Bryan's
Commoner, he repeats, substan
tially, what he said in his attack on
Mr. Sullivan of Illinois, saying:
The Democratic candidate and the
Democratic orgftn.ls.iUon must stand out
boldly against corporate domination In
oolitic.
No man who Is financially connected
with a corporation that 1 seeking
privilege OUfht to art a a member
of si polltloal organisation, because be
oannot represent hi corporation nd
the people at the same time. He can
not serve the party while he Is seeking
to promote the financial Interests of
the corporation with which he is con
nected. This may be accepted1 a axiomatic.
It is the statement of an old-fashioned
truth which none can dispute. It is
imply a paraphrase otthe Bible decla
ration that "He man con serve two mas
ter." Upon wo almple a proposition
there should be no dispute.
Ah, is Senator Bailey sitting up and
taking notice? And are a good many
other professed Democrats to whom
these remarks apply?
Mr. Hughes, Republican candidate
for governor of New York, while
eulogizing President Roosevelt as the
great Republican leader, does him
self credit by not trying to ride into
office on Roosevelt's coattails. He
doesn't claim that the president is the
issue, or that the Republican state
ticket must be elected in order to
support him, as has been done by
other Republican candidates through
out the country, but says that state
issues are paramount and it is on
them the election should turn. But
' issues" are badly mixed in New
York, about the only one to get head
or tail of being Hearst
.Smator Piatt, in his suit for di
vorce, will try to show that when he
married he was not in fill possession
of his senses. A confession of this
sort, while efficacious in securing a
separation from his wife, will in no
way affect his standing as a leading
member of the United States senate.
Some periodicals are pitching into
certain patent medicines because they
contain alcohol. But this - is adver
tising them, for alcohol just suits the
average patent medicine consumer.
The Salem Journal, whose accom
plished editor has one eye on the
I
A Little Out
THINGS PRINTED TO MAD WHILE YOU WATT.
Where the Good Times Stay.
I know d place
Whar de good time stay:
Look out. Trouble!
Belter alt out de way!
Dar.de winter bloom
Lek de rose In May:
Look out. Trouble!
Better git out de wayl
Hear de trumpet WowT f8f
Hear de bras ban' playT
Better ait out de way!
Atlanta Constitution.
Fifteenth Century Manners.
The antiquary took down a small, fat
volume, vellum-bound, with a brags
clasp.
"This is a -Book of Manner,'" he
said. "It was printed In 1417. Here are
a few extract."
And he read:
"Do not gnaw a bone, like a dog, nor
suck the marrow out of a bona.
"In peeling a pear, begin at the atalk;
bult with an apple, begin at the top.
"Do' not wipe the hand on the
clotbee, nor suek them, but use the
cloth.
"When you drink, lift the oup in both
hands; you mut not drink with one
hand like a wagoner when he is greae
las hi cartwheel.
"Wipe your none end mouth when
you heve drunk, and do not cough Into
the cup.
"Do not eat an apple all alone, but
cut It in two, and give a neighbor a
piece.
"Do net us tyour own knife to -cut
your meat If the host has set a knife
of hi own at your place.
"Do not spread butter on bread with
your thumb."
Odd Items From. Everywhere.
Four million palm leaf hats are ex
ported annually from Malaga, Spain, to
New York.
Alfred W. Norton, who has the dis
tinction of being the oldest employe In
term of service of any In the mill at
Huntington, Was allowed a day off the
other day at full pay, and might have
taken more If he had wished, In order
to celebrate, as It waa, September It,
IMS, that he came from England to this
country and entered the employ of
Chapin a Gould, where he bos passed
the last 40 years of his life.
Swedish school children, under the
guidance of their teachers, annually
plant about 400.000 trees.
An eagle measuring four feet from
tip to tip swooped down on a clam bake
being held at Highland lake, near Win
ated. Connecticut, and sailed away with
a lobster In It talon. The lobsters
were in a pan ready to be put on the
two, While the eegle waa devouring It
prey In a tree a half mile away a shot
ended Its life.
With Kane, Nebraska and Okla
homa producing 171,000,000 bushels of
wheat this year, an enormoua flood of
grain will pa through the Kansas City
gateway. Ten million bushels will be
used In Kansas City mills, the rest will
be shipped out It Is estimated that 40,
Q00 cars will pa through Kansas City.
An Interesting incident connected
with the Maine election was the ap
pearance at the poll of Oreenleaf Far
son of Ground Nut hill. It was the
first time he has cost a vote since 18(4,
when he voted for Abraham Lincoln.
He ha lived a life of contented seclu
sion. In Athen, Georgia, there la an oak
collectorship and both ears to the
ground, says that an aspirant for of
fice should have something besides
whiskers. We should like to hear
from Colonel J. Ham Lewis on the
subject, as the whiskerless gentleman
from Salem may be prejudiced.
In rushing the United States hos
pital corps to the scene of his peace
ful intervention, Mr. Roosevelt re
lieves the situation and gives the
lovers of levity S chance to smile
grimly.'
Mr. Roosevelt, in his speech at
Harrisburg, wanly declined to discuss
new and important subjects like re
formed spelling, and stuck limpet
to-rockwise to the old story: "If you
don't vote for the Republican party
the Democratic goblins'U get you."
S. A. D. Puter says he "never
would have gained the nerve to write
a book if he bad not got into jail."
This proves that he has the courage
of his conviction.
With the first sting of frost in the
air the dispatches bring stories of
miners who will never have a chance
to learn better than light the fires
with gisnt powder.
Whenever you hear rich old men
rail at their beautiful young wives, if
you listen patiently you will catch the
echo of a wail from New York:
"Me, too."
That effusion of George C.
Brownell on the subject of Senator
Hedges would sound sadly sweet set
to the time of "Hsrkt From the
Tomb, a Doleful Sound."
Every Time that Fourth street
franchise is mentioned, the city coun
cil makes a noise like the rustle of
railroad passes.
Ryan, Belmont, McCarren, Parker,
et al , wouldn't have to go far to get
into the Republican party.
Whatever may be said against hint,
Hearst tells k good desl of truth."
A Table Rock man ha too eld tree
that will average If boo of apple
each, and 1,700 young tree that will
average two box each. He ha sold
them for ss high so 14 a box. Hs will
plant 4.000 more trees this talL
of - trie Common
tree at least ISO years old which bears
the distinction of owning the lend upon
which It stands Thl tree stand on
land that formerly belonged to Colonel
William H. Jackson. He waa so rond or
the tree that when he died a deed was
found that deeded the tree to Itself.
A Chinese Prescription.
The missionary held up a beautiful
piece of Chine writing.
"It is a Chineee medical prescrip
tion." he said. "A friend of mine, Dr.
Ping Cho, presented it to a woman who
had swallowed an overdo of opium.
I'll read it to you."
The prescription, translated, follows:
Z pair of salted Hoards, 1 male and t
female.
1 os. ginseng root.
f dried grasshoppers, I male and I fe
male.
1 os. sweet potato atalk.
1 os. walnuts.
H oe rattlesknak tall.
I os. black date.
V os. elm bark.
H os. devil-fish claw.
hi as. hartshorn.
H os. birds' claws.
H os. dried ginger. .
v, os. old coffin noils.
To these Ingredients, which It would
take a day to assemble, two quart of
water were to be added, and the whol
waa to be boiled down to one half the
quantity. The patient was to drink a
small cupful everygjhalf hour.
Politicians' and Other Bibles.
"You bibliophiles talk about the
'Breeches' Bible, the 'Bug' Bible, the
Politicians' Bible, the 'Vinegar' Bible
and bo on what do those name meant
"I'll tell you," the collector answered.
Take, first, th 'Breeches' Bible. It 1
sa colled because a typographical error
In It causes the garments made by
Adam and Eve out of fig leaves to be
termed breeches lnatead of aprons.
"In the Vinegar' Bible of 1807 the
word 'vineyard' Is misprinted "vinegar.'
"Th -Printers' Bible, 1702. mokes the
Psalmist soy: 'Printers have persecuted
me without cause.'
"The 'Religious' Bible, which was
printed in 1187, puts 'religious' for 're
bellious' in the fourth chapter, seven
teenth verse, of Jeremiah Because ahe
hath been religious sal th th
Lord."
"The 'Politician" Bible was published
at Geneva, In IMS. It mokes the fa
mous vers, 'Blessed ore ttie peace
makers.' read, 'Blessed are the place
makers. ' "
Mouse Kills a Cat. -
It Is not often that a mouse kills s
oat Such a death, however, woe meted
out loot month to a fine black eat In
a Cope May hotel.
The cat caught the mouse and began,
sa cots will, to play with It, to tease it
For some IS minutes this went on.
And then, all of a sudden, the eat
found herself struggling for life. In
mouthing the mouse, without desiring to
hurt It, she had Inadvertently half
swallowed It. There It was, stuek In
her throat, choking her to death.
For three or four minute th cot
choked ond gasped. Then it fall -over
deed And the mouse, oddly enough,
wo disgorged at th moment the cat
died The mouee was olive. It lay On
the floor a moment resting, then it
Stole sway, after one triumphant look
at the dead body of the cat which It had
killed.
Lett
ers
Saw Buck, Or., Oct. I. Editor of The
Gurnel Deer Sur: I hov bin Informed
tho not ottshly that Preaydent Rosy felt
taken, on hie, slf the rapenybll-
ty of tellln us feller el over the TJ. 8.
and Sow Buck how to epel. Now. fer
my port I think he la goin Jist a llttlo
to fur in that w al he to go to
scool an lurn spellln, riten, rlthmetlck.
Jojrafy on ol other study; an now as
we hov al got started rlt, the growln
Jenerotion hud 4s th am, a t hay or
no beter than we or. Ov cores thare In
th tote ov district ov Culmby, where
thay only got, fu scool houes on dont
empty but a fu tochers thay want to
git them chop as thay ban. It may be
al rlt, but out In this (run try whore we
hov big states ond scool houses to cory
spond It la diffrunt.
New I am presydnt and monger for
to or 8 big consurns on hov to employ
tU ritsrs at each plea, an thay al got
fner scoolln befor this an thay wll al
hov to quit and go to soool agin.
Now, If this ant luked Into an som
thln don you ;an bet we wil hav a
feller thare when oongrls met agin
that wll hav a fu remark to mok that
wll stur em ol up eum, en he wU be
rrum th Sow Buck dlatrlck, to, on wll
hav the harty 'ouport ov th aguyooted
cloa ov this dlstrick. Think It wod be
a raud plan to put this pleas in yur
paplr an send a markt copy ov It to
Theador at Washlngtown, as thay got
fre delivry rlt at the dor, an he can s
for hi self how this Is efectln the
run try at larjj; on then If he stll per
sists in it hs cant oa he didnt hov fore
warning. Yur fer Websttr Geo Wash
ington an Saw Buck spellln.
JOSIA TOMSON.
Smokers Must Pay.
Tobacco - user- and theatre-goers
among the college students of Syracuse
university must pay full tuition, ac
cording to an edict Issued by-Chancellor
Jamea ft. Da today, when the col
lege opened for the fall term. , -
"Young men who can afford to pay
for needles luxuries and Indulgence,
who can patronise the theatre, th pool
room or other place of amusement, can
afford to pay for their tuition and will
receive no concession from the faculty.
"Such student need not expect to
be given scholarship.
"A young man who smokes Is a fool,
at least in that particular. Hs ought
to take better care of his nerves snd
present a cleaner exhibit of himself."
sold Dr. Day.
The bulldog was expelled from dor
mitories and chapter houses two years
ago. Last year student frequenting
saloons or poolroom were threatened
With expulsion. Nearly 1,000 free schol
arship were given to needy student
loot year and the number will be cut
In half thl year.
Two ol a Kind.
From the Chicago Newer
Her Father But. lr. you or not th
sort of man I should like for a son-in-law
Young man O, that's all right. You
are not the Srt of man I should like
for s father-in-law, but I'm not going
to make your daughter miserable for lit
by refusing W marry bar sa that account.
A Little Nonsense
Stung.
From the New York Sua.
"There Is a woman up In th front of
th car that haan't paid, her fore," aald
th conductor to the man In th back
eat, "but I can't place har."
"Perhapa I con give you a pointer,
aid the helpful man. "Pick out th
woman that keep trying to adjust her
hatpin all the time. That' th lateot
wrinkle In th female at resteer pirate.
Reading her neighbor' newspaper and
gasing mte ruturity ore out of data
Everybody got on to those tricks. But
the woman that beats her way has to
do something to hide her guilt, so she
riddles with her hatpin."
Presently the conductor reported to
hi adviser again.
"That worked all right.'", he said "She
owned up. She said you would pay for
nor.--
"Me!" snorted the helpful man. "What
nave I got to do with ItT"
"Everything, apparently. She hap
pened to look back and sold she knew
you ond that It would be all right.
There she 1 now. standing up and nod
ding at you. Know her?"
"T." sold the mon, weakly. "Sne
i my wife."
A Trifle High.
The recent revival of interest In th
modern development of our navy, which
woe stimulated by the greet Labor day
review at Oyster Bay. give point to the
following anecdote told in the current
Harper Weakly of Captain Jack Phil
lip, who commanded the battleship
Texas during the Spanish war. While
the battleship were on blockade at San
tiago. It waa customary to load ths six
pounder guns every evening to protect
against possible torpedo-boat attack.
While th triggers were being eased
down, one of the guns on the Massachu
setts was accidentally discharged, th
hot paaalng over the quarterdeck of the
Texas, whieh waa - lying next In the
blockading line. All the officer of the
Texas ware on deck smoking and talking
when the shot passed a few feet above
their head. Almost before it struck th
water a signal was started on the Texas
from -it commanding officer. Contain
Phillips, to the commanding officer of
the Massachusetts. The signal was,
"Good line, but a trifle high."
Gave the Game Away.
"A conductor come to me with o amll-
Ing face th other day." related Mr.
Wiggle. "He wanted to tell me efhat
had happened on a tooting tramcar. It
eeema that a middle-aged woman and
her llty eon. a lad of year, got la the
car, ana a soon as they were seated th
woman took a half-crown out and hand
ed tt to the youngster to pay the fare
with. Th boy held the coin In hie
small, fat hand, and examined It closely
and oolemnly. The conductor appeared
ror the far, and th youngster gave
him th half-crown with owlish solem
nity. Th money woo pocketed and the
change put In the small extended hand.
A oon os he got this change the boy
laughed, wriggled In his seat and shout
ed gleefully:
"Oh. ma, he taken th bad half
crown." Butler to the Court
From th Pittsburg Pra
An old lawyer In speaking recently
about General Butler, said: "
"Baa Butler waa a terror and torment
of the Judges. On one occasion Judge
Sanger, having been bullied and bad
gered out of all patience, petulantly
asked. "What does th counsel suppose I
am on th bench fort"
"Scratching hla head a minute, Butler
replied: "'Well, I confess your honor's
got me there."
A Strapping Answer.
John Ridglsy, secretary of the Amer
ican embassy at London, was piloting
soms American friends through ths mu
seum at Hastings whan he observed on
unhappy attendant wearing a military
uniform, with a helmet from which a
Chin-strap hung, at whom on Inquisitive
tourist was firing oil manner of silly
questions).
The tourist's loot queatlon was, "Soy,
what la that strap under your chin for?"
The attendant sighed. "That strap la
to rest my -Jaw when I get tired answer
ing foolish questions," aald he.
Lonely St. Helena.
Th lonely lele of St Helena Is a
kingdom In little with on Indifferent
future which mey be summed up In one
word, "Manganese," saya ths London
Chroniole.
There Is a governor, who receives
4,000 a year, besides H.OOO "table al
lowance," and has a staff the principal
officers of which take about $6,000 a
year among them.' All this humsn ma
chinery le required to secure the wel
fare of a population numbering some
8,600 souls. .
In foot, St. Helena's claim as a re
sort for shipping ha almost disss-'
peered, only 40 vessel having called
there loot year, while the military gar
rison of th "rock" ha been reduced to
a mere handful.
Still, the governor continues to pro
duce on annual report of over 40 octavo
pages A thrilling Item from this -document
1 th story of th Illness of ths
printer and th gallant effort of his
aaalatant who, with th aid of th post
office clerk, managed to use up IS4
reams of paper!
The only "bright exception" In the
lugubrious report le the fact that some
enterprising prospector from the eape
succeeded In finding large deposits of
Manganese ore, and the bop thus en
gendered that a ecmpany may think It
worth while to work them.
Plowed Up Bryan Graves.
George W. Ryder, a farmer of Bear'e
Den, near Youngatown, Ohio, waa sued
for plowing over the graves of the
parent of William J. Bryan of Ne
braska and others. The plaintiff la
Mary Hrron. Ryder la charged with
plowing ever the graves and using th
headstone for walks In hla farm yard.
In the campaign of lit, and while on
another speaking tour through Ohio,
Bryan stopped at Bear's Den and en
deavored to locate the graves of hi
parent. H sold he was posltlvs that
they were buried st that piece, although
he was unable to Identify the grave.
He intended to remove the bodies in th
future.
The cemetery woe abandoned some
year ago and finally disposed of at
private sal, with th understanding.
Mary Herron says, that the land waa
to p left sacred to the dead. Ryder
got tho land later and now propose to
ralas wheat on It.
The Little Treasure.
From the Philadelphia Pre.
"Fifteen-two snd a pair make four,"
Id McCall. who wa playing cribbaga
with Popley. "Whet hove you in your
crib?" " v
" Ah"" replied Popley, absent-mlnded-ly,
"just th cutest ittle ootsums toot
sums gin ta the world."
IE
BIRDSEYE VIEWS
TIMELY TOPICS
SMALL CHANGE.
Kickers should go ploy football.
e e
Insurgent In Texaa also, as Senator
Bailey to his surprise has discovered,
e e
It le not believed that Bill Bryan la
a lineal descendant of William th
Silent.
Geologically speaking. Pike peak
isn't much older than when discovered
by the Mlsaourlan.
What th United State will do with
Cuba depend on what th sugar and
tobacco trusts soy.
s
General Funaton will take good core
not to gat behind Toft. Though email,
ha like te be een.
e
With the hops and prunes all har
vested, old Jape Pluve eon turn loo
whenever he'e ready.
No foreign government ever lnter-
venee In the United State' when th
man elected le counted out.
e
A coachman seem to be a common
favorite with young lady heiresses and
rich old men young wive.
The Atlanta Journal wonta all negroes
disarmed. go they can't shoot bock
when a mob la killing them.
e e
Why Fapa Smith ahould be bothered
only when the 4 Id child wss born is not
explained. Forty-three len't tt.
,
Itole suspected that the market fer
Llptss) tees lo declining in this country.
Sir Thomas I coming over again.
No matter how many policemen are
employed, there will always be the
same demand from th department for
more.
1 ,
A Connecticut man was srreeted for
hooting a snake on Sunday. And he
could prove, too, that It was not it t
snake,
We are not cruel, but would not be
greatly pained to see sons husky fel
low who won't work now going hungry
next winter. '
e ,
Senator Fulton vouchee for Senator
Bailey, bat perhapa thl exhibition of
senatorial courtesy will not count for
much down In Texas.
v
What ta the matter with Mr. Herri
man? It boo been several day since
he bought a railroad But perhapa he
la busy cataloguing those he ho,
e
Hearst soya Hughes la th tool of the"
"plunderbund." This word make
rickety Jerome pretty mod. And he lo
trying to manufacture on to beat it.
e '
A statue of Jultu Caesar woo un
veiled recently at Brown university. Not
the late Julius Caesar of Portland, hut
a atrenuous Roman who ha been dead
"some time," end who once wrote bock
home: "I got hare; 1 eised things up;
1 Rockefellered the roost."
The Latest News
REPORTED BY A. BENNETT,
Robbltvlll has loyed down on blll
bryon. Ho lo a dad one hear. But this
la the fortunateet town what ewer was
or ewer will be, for now we hav In our
midst a grater man than blllbryan rrver
darsd e be or ewer wl be. Add WSJSt
1 mors he Is rite here in our midst, a
citizen of Rabbltvllle. He has cast his
bred upon our water snd has lined with
me to bring Rabbltvllle to the front.
Hie nam is th Honorable Jeffereon
Myer. one of th biggest snd braolast
men In our country. See what he done
fer the Lewis and Clark'Fair. See what
a big man he la, and yet he has seen
that Rabbltvllle Is the cpmlng metrop
olis of the grot wast, and be has lined
me to bring her to the front It le al
most too good to be trew.
When I waked up thla morning and
begun to think about him a-comlng the
day before I thought I must have
dreemed it, so I dressed quick and went
down to the drug store and there he
stood throwing perscriptions into hts
elf Jt Ilk on of u. aa he le. ' And
a-paying for em two, for ha slnt busted
you bet. He hae munney snd spends It
like a prince as he le Lordy how we
havef struck It! And me and him la
going into business here. Jeff saya ths
way Chamberlain 1 so popular I be
cause he knows so many folks, and he
meato up with em mostly through th
lodges, go I says to Jeff eeys I less
JIne ths Eagles soma aa Chamberlain,
and I asked Jeff what them word, them
lattln words. Is on ths stats seal, and
Jeffs say them word I "Sh file with
her own wing" and 1 say that I
where Chamberlain 1 different, he alnt
got no wing but he gets there Just the
same, so lot be an Bogle. But Jeff ho
more branee nor Tom Haliey has alfalfa,
and he ssys says he, "No." Firm, Jest
like that, "No."
We won't borrer no Idsars from Cham
berlain nor noboddy we will jest organ
ate a order of our own, and sir hs pulled
out of hi pocket a paper and he hod th
hull thing all thought out end writ
out! Hod jeet come hear loaded with
ana of the greatest Ideara of this cen
tury, mebbe of thl Jnrtlon, oma
thlng that will make ths Msson and
Odd Feller snd the K. P snd the
Eagle and all of em lther roller In our
teps or go out of business. It I th
Coagulated Order of Rabbit, and we
have elected the grand officer. Jeff
being the Noble Surefoot Rabbit, me
the Royal Longear Rabbit and Sim Dlpp
la the Grand Furrier, the feler what
handle th doeaky. We have no more
member but ue three, end we dont
wont any until w git our ldears all
going, and then we will otart out on th
trail and -bold roundups all ovsr ths
oountry. We pay stnsll dew snd big
benefit to all siek snd disabled rab
bi ta, and to th wlddere of diseased rab
bit, and above Oil we look after the
polytlrk and voting proclivities of U
rabbit, for w think there alnt any
doubt but what we oan elect Noble Sure
foot Rabbit governor when Chamberlain
gtts tired of being governor. In fact
that le what we are aiming at, to make
Jff governor and thua bring Rabblt
vllle to the front, and his race wll be
as awlft a a rabbit's and dont you for
get it, and If anything should happen
to him, why the honora will fell onto
me! Think of that? Alnt our plan
wall laldT Do yea think them Eagle
can bold a condl te us! Do you think
m
e OREOON SIDELIGHTS.
A great number of sheep haa been
old In Wallowa county.
Polk county Is taking th lead la
breeding fine sncep and hogs.
e . s
Th spplea from on orchard near
Grant pas will bring 14.000.
-'
A Lincoln county man is experimenting-
in raising sgnanig, which I worth
tt a pound.
.
A young Perdue girl named Furlong
shot and klrled a doer less than a fur
long distant.
Three big steere escaped from a ear
of a moving train in Umatilla county
and took to th hill.
At the loweet eetlmat 10,000 bushels
of prunes were lost In ths vicinity of
Conby, says tho Tribune.
.., ..A .4 :. 1 -'Si'vfV
Th volume of trad In Dayton la
enormous, saya th Optimist Tlmee
were never oo prosperous.
e e
Will th g P. train never arrive on
time? querlea Hie Albany Democrat.
Yea, some time, on some time.
e e
A Polk oounty man's no waa broken
In thro place and he scarcely no (re
formed version) how It happened.
Though Wallowa county 1 legally
"dry" there an four gallon house
Jong th line of railroad construction.
A Bend mon has shot 10 hswks within
a few week, wo. of them measuring
from tip ta tip 4t lnchee, one 10 and
one 42.
The lumbar Industry In Polk county
is developing rapidly and will become
immense if M asportation foclUUes
are afforded.
llore students iron outside counties
were enrolled at Dallas college on th
first day thia year than were in attend
ance altogether loot year.
y v
Tillamook Headlight: There le an
unusually large run- of salmon In the
bay this ssason, and the fish being un
usually large the fishermen ere doing
a land office business. Bat suppose
Tillamook had a railroad, the fisher
men on the bay would be strictly In it.
e e -
lnatead of raising only gram as here
tofore, a farmer near Dayton will next
year put out 10 acres of hope, five
acre of berries, a email orchard, end
will purchase at least 10 good cow and
a cream separator. With a combina
tion of thl kind a farmer haa a cinch
on prosperity for th rest of his life,
saya th Optimist.
e
The owner of a SO-acre hopyord near
Dayton haa dried over 10,000 pound of
hop. An average of 70 pickers has
been employed for, three weeks. He has
paid ovsr $1700 for help In addition to
11,000 for cultivation. If he get ?0
cent for the crop he will clear 17.700.
He ho sold low oo . 4, and oven t
cent, but never contracta
From Rablntville
OF THE DALLES OPTIMIST.
there I o bigger mon thon the Hon
orable Jefferson Myers. Noble Surefoot
of the Coagulated Order of Rabbits,
spoken of mostly aa th C. O. of R. of
Robbltvlll. in th great otate of Ore
ew And Jeff wtH tort on the -trait-pretty
soon, and In th mean time we
will get our rabbit' feet reddy and any
body wonting to line the order must
writ to Jeff Myer at Portland and ha
will send you a rabbit' foot which
make you a member protemporarlum
until Jeff can get around to hold a
roundup and regularly corral you. But
remember and write Honorable Jeff My
ers, Portland, for we alnt got no post
office hear as te yet. Do not delay but
Write st once for a emblem and be a
booster for Rabbltvllle.
Honorable Jefferson Myers. Noble
Surefoot of the Coagulated Order of
Rabbits, who Is now permanently in our
midst as one of ue, hoe token, the par
lour aweet of rooms at the Bunco House
until such time aa he can erect a man
stem of his own.
The ylty drug store will on Monday
next from the hour of I in the afternoon
on til ten of the clock at nlte, serve
perecriptlons fre and give a oyster
with each prescription, to all get with
out munney and without price, the Hon
orable Jefferson Myera being the gent
who foots the bill. And mebbe you
think we dont love ewery red hare on
the1 Honorable Jefferson's bold hesd!
Ws hove a letter from Lisa Butterbot
torn asking If the Honorable Jefferson
Myers is a married man. For the
benefit of Mi Butterbottom ad all
other folks who wants to mash our new
oltlsen we bag to remark that In dew
time there . will arrive In Rabbitvtll a
Mrs Honorable Jeffereon Myer .and a
moll but Interesting collection of
young Honorable Mooter and Misses of
th Honorable house of Myera We hop
that Is spacVffic enuff for Miss Butter
bottom and all other.
Now my trend and feller citizens w
folk of eBabbirVlll must berry our
difference and gat together for th
good of our beloved town and bring her
to (he front. We nead a postofflce s'nd
we must have s postofflce to win
out. No town vvr yet got to be a reel
metropoll that dlddent have no post
office. Heartofor we hava stood In
each other' weigh, but now w must
forget our individual differences and
pull as one man for the grate town In
which we live and reelde. We all wanted
to be poetmaster. but we cant all be 'it"
aa ws hsvs found out. So Jest let us sit
tend aald and furget our t rubbles and
ambitions and t will take the office,
and at a tremendjue sacrifice, ond oil
will b lovely. Jtoi 1 fool our all
good cltlssns will see that thl l th
way for u9to get a postofflce and to
promote liarmony. Al who do not agree
te this compromise of our trubblee is
enemies to our town.
Another Difficulty.
From the Wsshtngton Star
"I suppose that when you discover
the north pole you will regard your
labors as completed?"
"No," answered the Arctic - explorer.
The hardest 'port will be yet to com.
We'D have to Had seme way of getting
home again."