EDITO
PORTLAND
OREGON .
RIAL
PA
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OF
THE
JO URN A
-c.
THE OREGON DAILY JOURNAL
-AN INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER
r . r , , , - v
JOURNAL PUBLISHING CO.,. . Proprietor
; C 8. JACKSON, Publisher
Published evsry evening (except Sunday)
I at.The Journal Building. Fifth and
". ' Yamhill Sta, Portland, Or.
OFFICIAL. CITY PAPER i
! , COOO EVENING. ,
THE NEWSPAPER AND THE
PUBLIC."
HE YOUNG MAN who la th man
ager of the Marquam Grand theatre
baa derided to withdraw hla adver
tising patronage from The Journal. He la
' moved to do ao because be does not Ilka
some criticism! of play recently , presented
there. One of tbess is Miller Kent's. The
Journal critic In his opening sentence, said
of the play:. "It la like' reading "a 'dime
novel to see Capt Bob." This sentence was
the most strenuous If nof the 'most critical
,ta the., article. It proved peculiarly offensive
- to the manager, who didn't believe the term
"dime-novel" should be applied even to a
, play which gloried In the luxury of four vll
'lalns. It was 'bad enough to say It fit all,
in the judgment of the young manager, but
it was simply unforgivable to say it In the
opening sentence. If it was said at the end
of the article, Instead of at the beginning,
some careless reader might have overlooked
' It; but being at the' beginning no reader,
however ' careless, could fall to see it snd
having seen It, to "be Influenced In with
holding his patronage from a play of that
, character, , And, so the young,,, manager
straightway hied himself to the newspaper
office and there being forthcoming neither
apology nor promise to mend its way, he or
dered out bis advertisement and departed to
await ths 'cataclysm which must Inevitably
; come to a 'paper which no longer enjoys the
. patronage of the Marquam Grand.
; This is a ree and easy statement of a case
not unusual and therefore of little public
moment except that It Involves an Important
prlnclple.v The relations of the Marquam
Grand and the newspapers have so far ' been
. conducted on the "you-ttckle-me-and-ril-
tickler-youT principle. whatever perform
ance was given there invariably was praised
. by the newspapers, no matter how much it
-r might- be damned - by ths ypubtltf vhlch,
through false pretenses, paid out Its good
money. The plan worked, very well for the
. theatre and the two newspapers, but was
not always quite so agreeable to the public.
And herein lies the principle: The Journal
V'hlch conceives that Its first duty is to the
public and not to the theatre, has had the
hardihood to give an Inkling of the quality
Of th:.play; presented. Realising how little
the house has been criticised It has spoken
of these plays in mild and carefully chosen
"language, so as not to shock managerial
sensibilities. But all to no purpose. Be-'
lug altogether unused to criticism, any crit
icism , however " mild, and Innocuous was
heatedly resented and the' advertising pat
ronage withdrawn.
Now Is The Journal right or Is It wrong
In believing that it owes a paramount duty
to the public f Is JLrlKht.Pt- Is it wrong,
feeling .that It owes that JJuty to the public,
. to publish in unoffenslv language what It
.honestly believes about certain plays, or
would It be better sense and better business
to do aa the Oregonlan '"'and Its Evening
Shadow do that Is, pocket lts'steen dol
lars a week for advertising and serenely lie
to the public about the merit of the play T
' The Baker, Empire and Cordray's are
cheaper priced theatres. They pretend to
no super-excellence. . In . rank .and , therefore
Invite no such criticism as is warranted by
the 'class of plays usually presented at the
Marquam. The Marquam mot only assumes
to give as good plays as are usually to be
seen In cities of the size of Portland, but It
charges corresponding prices. People there
fore go there expecting to see something of
the highest prevailing standard. If they are
disappointed as -they sometimes are, they
have reasonable grounds for complaint. If
they have ground for complaint Is the news
paper to keep silent, and thus negatively aid
in wbal may Inelegantly be called the bunco
ing of the public, Or i it to praise what Its
judgment condemns or, finally, 1a 1t to tell
what It believes to be the truth, extenuating
nothing, and setting naught down in malice ?
We wonder. The Journal has tried the experi
ment of fajrly and honestly criticising the
plays at the Marquam, not setting itself to
pick flaws but to call attention to the more
obvious arid glaring defects. It is inclined to
persist in that course, but It would like some
expression of opinion on the subject from Its
readers who have had experience.
he actually, gave away in the shape' of en
dowments and what be really gave away.
But there was no cause for anybody to
worry about It, least of all-Andrew Carnegie.
When be was ready to retire from the steel
business he actually commanded the situa
tion. It was .for him to. make or break the
market; If hla competitors wanted fight they
could have got mora than they needed, and
whlla Jt night not have' dona Carnegie any
good, It would have been' fatal to them.
Deeming discretion the, better -part j?f valof
and not . knowing how disastrously such a
contest might affect' other industries, the
steel trust was conceived and born. It took
the Carnegie interests but In return Carnegie
got first mortgages. The watered stocks
VANDERBILT A MODEST MAN.
Milwauksssn Gives' His Impressions After
Visit to Blltmore. w :
From the Milwaukee Wisconsin.
Ernest Bruncken, formerly of this city, now
the assistant forester of the estate of George
Vanderbllt at' Blltmore, N. C li" Visiting
friends and relatives In Milwaukee.
Kor the past year, or more, Mr. Brucken
ssys, he has been living Jn the middle states.
The methods and habits of the residents of
the mountainous districts of North Carolina
are as primitive as those of the earliest set
tlers in the tountry. v.
The multi-millionaire has an ' estate of
150.000 acres of timber land In the moun
tains of North Carolina, Mr. Bruncken says,
which he la develoDlna rabldlv on a business
which showed Up so magnificently In many basis with a view of making an Investment
bank . accounts and suddenly put on the which will pay him SVs per cent Indefinitely,
KAISER WANTS YOUNQ BLOOD,
1
AT, THE BANK.
market a choice collection of plethoric mil
lionaires, hady absolutely no attractions for
him. He was amply content with the sub
stance If the other, fellows were satisfied
with the shadow, .
And so matters have gone along In the
mora or less even tenor of their way, the
Steel trust making great financial names and
filling the public eye with the. glare and
rllttef 6f their dolnars. But there seems to
be a re-awakening. Water will find Its level
whether In stocks' or otherwise, and It has
done so In United States Steel. Despite the
extraordinary- plans devised- to keep the
stock floated at a high figure, despite the
powerful names bsck of the enterprise, the
difference between its real and its fictitious
value slowly but surely narrowed and many
a financial king affects to be lost in wonder.
But Carnegie Is neither lost In wonder nor
in the lesst worried. The other people are
carrying his load and they must make due
return of Income to him or the property
will revert to the first mortgage owners.
That Is the whole thing In a nutshell. But,
speaking of financial kings, princes snd po
tentates, of all the daisllng creations of re
cent years, ! Who" hare commanded the center
of the stage and to whom have been given
adulation denied even Deity, what are any
and all of them compared with modest and
thrifty Andrew Carnegie of New York and
Sklbo castle who cheerfully absorbed every
thing In sight. leaving what was left to those
who so greedily grabbed It?
Instead of, as they do In the, North, slashing
It down promiscuously and leaving It a waste
land. This he intends to do by scientific
methods, cutting only so much each year as
will be for the best Interests of tha forests
and to plant young trees here arid there to
keep the woods In good condition.
" Blltmore, the estate where Mr. Vanderbllt
has his magnificent palace, is but a small
part of the entire estate, covering only about
10.000 acres. Near this Is the town of Bllt
more, comprising about 60 houses, which Is
practically owned .by the millionaire. The
mayor Is Mr. Vanderbllt's cashier, and al
though elections are held as in any other
village, the people are pretty certain to
choose only such officials as are agreeable
to the millionaire. The village, however. Is
operated on a business basis, and the rents
are high, many widows and maiden ladles
being attracted there, as It is a pleasant and
quiet place In' which to live.
Mr. Bruncken has spent most of his time
on the Plsgah. estate, which Is for Che most
part wild and rugged. Reads are being laid
out and Improvements made to develop the
country. The lumber which is cut down Is
being used tn building homes for the rangers
and mountaineers, who have for generations
been living in log houses.
Ths New German War Mlnlstsr Is Only 60
Einsm's Rapid Rise. . ... ai ' .
From a Berlin Letter. ,
Special Interest attaches to the Kaiser's
new minister of war, General von Etnem
Rothmaler, for the reason that after William
II It is he who will be responsible for Ger
many's military policy should one pf several
war clouds burst. Apart from the new min
ister of war's own -striking personality, tha
significant thing about, hit appointment Is
the fresh evidence it Conveys of Emperor
William's determination to surround him
self with young blood. Gen. "Karl von
Elnem-Rothmaler Is tha first man In tha
history of ths German army to reach tha war
ministry portfolio at 50 years of age. , All
his predecessors have been veteran soldiers,
and the vast Teutonic army war machine
has been run on gray-haired lines.' During
the last, few years the Kaiser has shown a
decided tendency to rejuvenate every Im
portant administrative department of his
government by putting In comparatively
young men men of approximate age as
heads. Thus he called ths 45-year-old
Baron von Rhelnbaben to be - minister of
finance in the Prussian cabinet; then Gen.
Budde, 48 years old. to be minister of rail
ways and public works, and now 50-year-old
Lieut. Gen. von Elnem to be minister of war.
Germany's military organisation has for
many years left little to be desired from the
standpoint of efficiency.' Tet the prediction
is made that tha young Wood which the
Kaiser has now called Into tha executive
service of the army will soon manifest Itself
In the form of Improvements and better
ments all along the line. Traditions are to
give way to modern Ideas wherever opportu
nity offers.
8tory f the Lady Who Wagsrsd She Would
Make No Mistake In Depositing Money.;
' From the, Chicago News. .-,
., That long-suffering r and ever-suffering
martyr whose duty it la to help women get
their money fnto tha bank' and ' then help
them get It out again tapped a woman, on
tha shoulder who was making straight for
tha teller's window regardless of the , fact
that there were a dozen or mora persons
Shsad of tierr i ,.
v 'Please step' fo tha "end of the Una,
madam," he said. "You'll hava to wait your
turn.", '.,..".-'.: ,;'
The woman blushed slightly, looked em
barrassed and did aa aha was requested. She
turned to the Inevitable woman friend who
accompanied her. s'.A '...:.-.,',;
"My husband said he'd glva ma some thea
tre tickets It I didn't make a mistake In- get
ting this money in today," she said. ''But
that Isn't a mistake. Anyway, he'll never
know and I sha'nt count It."
1
SHORT, STORIES
Vill
Absorbed though he may rb In philan
thropy and worldwide affairs, Carnegie evl
Benny haw wnhmg"tt team from- 4h-finan
cial giants of the day. It is even being sus
pected that they may have something to
learn from him though the lesson is doubt
less distasteful and costly.
LONDON GUILD COMING.
Ancisnt and Honorabls Artillery Returning
Boston's Visit. m
Front the New York Herald.
The Ancient and Honorable Artillery com
pany of London, which Is now on Its way to
this country, received. a charter from Henry
VIII In 153T, and for mors, than a hundred
years wss known as the Fraternity or Guild
of St. George, the. title of honorable which
it has since borne being conferred on It In
1(85. The Boston corps is an offshoot of
the Lqndon organisation, having been
founded In 1638 by Robert Keene, a member
of the London company, who came .over in
163. 1 The honorable artillery Company is
the only force that can be called out by the
sovereign without the consent of parliament,
and by a special order of Queen Victoria the
corps enjoys the distinction. In consideration
of Its antiquity, of taking precedence In line
of parade march after the. regular force at
the head of the volunteers.
The company numbers about 700 men, di
vided into -horse artillery, field battery and
Infantry, and performs a regular tour of mil
itary duty each year. The visit Is a return
of that paM to England by the Massa
chusetts company some years ago, when the
American corps was enthusiastically feted,
the chief event being the reception and re
view by tbe then Prince of Wales, now King
Edward VII,, at Marlborough House. King
Edward has exerted himself to revive the
military, efficiency of the corps, and his ad
dress at the parade held In the early sum
mer, when he bade the Earl of Denbigh and
his comrades adieu, assured them of a
hearty welcome on this side of the Atlantic.
As the Mayflower sailed from London,
Lieut. Col. the Earl of Denbigh received the
following telegram from the King:
I wish you and the Honorable Artillery
company a good passage out and a safe re
turn home. I feel convinced that you will
all meet with a most gratifying reception In
the United States.
(Signed) EDWARD R.,
Captain General and Colonel.
"Yes I have seen Mr. Vanderbllt often."
Ha Is a retlrlng.'modest man of great ability
and dislikes the vulgarities and notorltles of
society. He is averse to all sorts of preten
sions. The forestry parts of his interests
there are by no means the only ones. Ha
has a chicken village, for Instance, which Is
an Interesting and curious sight. There are
litis houses built for each family of chickens,
and these are laid out In streets and avenues,
the whole village covering several acres, He
hss-a-trnrr-rarifr where lie Talses'somS of'
the finest products, and a dairy farm where
blooded cattle are bred and from which he
sells dairy produce at fancy prices. Then
his swine farm Is famous all over the coun
try. It Is under the management of a man
named Gentry, who k nows more about swine
than anyone else on earth. Each year they
have an auction of blooded stock snd last
spring one boar sold for 1520. Buyers come
from all over the country and from Canada
and Europe to be present at these auction
sales."
Gen. von Elmen received official permis
sion to add "Rothmaler" to his surname in
honor of .his father-in-law, Gen. von Roth
maler, a well-known Infantry commander
who died in 1880. The new war minister's
career has been distinguished by rapid pro
motion. He made uncommon progress In the cadet
academies of both Berneberg and Berlin
such notable progress, 1n fact, tbat, though
not qualified by age to be an officer when
the war with France broke out In 1870, he
was taken and made at once an ensign In
the Second Hanoverian Uhlans. In his first
campaign, his gallantry gained him the Iron
Cross, and since then he has gone steadily
up the ladder. He married at 25 much ear
lier In life than a German officer , generally
enters the. rnarrlflie flatty ,
IT WAS A PACKAGE PARTY.
In
Reflections of a Bachelor.
From the New York Press.
People Who play to the galleries pay
the pit.-
A man is almost as anxious to have a son
as a woman is to have a husband.
A worrlan never gets too old to think it Is
dangerous for her to travel alone for fear
men might speak to her.
The nice thing about a red-headed girl Is
that she never pretends it changed to that
color after she was 12 years old.
CARNEGIE NEEDS NO GUARDIAN
ff"HAT CANNY SCOT Andrew Carr
I negie, Is not worried about the
tumbling stock f market and little
recks whether it is United States Steel or
Northern Securities which Is falling before
the deadly onslaught of the active bears. It
is all a matter of indifference to him be
cause in the formation of the steel trust
th forehanded Mr. Carnegie, with that
thrifty; disposition to get all that was com
ing to him, simply took all the substance
and allowed the other fellows to take the
water. Many able and spectacular flnan
clers hava had ths world's warm admlra
tic showered on them In roent years. They
have met crowned heads on terms of perfect
equally If not actual condescension and peo
ple timorously - held their ' breath as they
passed proudly by in the. thoroughfares of
the great European; capitals.
... ' AU this4 time Carnegie has been posing as
a philanthropist pum and airnple. He has
been tossing off millions to various publlp
enterprises apparently with tha same disre
gard of consequences as a. drunken spend
thrift. 'And the world sometimes wondered,
but only casually, whether there would, ever
be an end of It, whether when the' inevitable
"flay of shrinkages cameTthertf would not be
found, a, vast difference --betweenhla ap
parent and hla real fortune between what .
Bouquets.
From the Jacksonville Times-Union.
The Orlando-Miami Record and the Tarn-'
pa Herald are still engaged In a friendly
contest as to which can get out the worst
paper with the fewest subscribers.
And st the Tail End of the Proceedings
Thers Was Plenty of Life.
From the Pittsburg Telegraph.
All of the regulars sat In front of the cor
ner grocery Irr the Joyous land in Jersey.
"Boys," said Bill Jones, "S'pose yer all
heered of the package party? No? Well, a
package party Is one of them things when
you pay no thin' to get In, but yer bave to
take a package of somethln' which is put up
at auction and Is knocked down to the high
est bidder, sight on seen.
"Freckles ketched about four dozen mice
iH ther barn, packed them in a neat-lookln'
shoe box and started fer the party aa happy
as a kioodle on the trail of a rabbit. The
packages had been about half auctioned off
when they got down to Freckles' contri
bution of mice.
" 'What am I bid for this beautiful pack
age?" ses the main guy at the church, next to
th deacon, of course. 'Five cents,' ses one;
'ten cents," sex another; 'fifteen cents,' ses
Jim Hollerlegs; twenty cents,' ses the
deacon's old maid sister. 'Off to the flower
of1 ther flock,' ses the main guy, and the old
maid, tickled all over like, laffed the same
as she used to giggle 30 years ago. Jim
Hollerlegs, who is stuck on her, whispered,
'open it, sweetie,' an' ther old maid, blushln
like the hair on a red cow, busted the string.
"Next she took off the lid, an' then, fel
lers, I'll take my oath she let out a yell that
sounded four miles long. 'Dearie, are yer
dyin;' sez Jim, an' the next mjnet a couple
of the mice fell in his boots, an' he had busi
ness with his feet. By this tlmes the old
maid has reached ' the stove, an' puttln'
both arms around ther pipe, she begin to lick
off the polish ah' yell: 'Save me, Jim; save
me! 'I'd like to, MIrandy,' sez Jim, 'but I'vo
got 'em, , too,'
"Well, sir, to make a long story die out
sooner. In Just two seconds thet congrega
tion was up in tbe air, or as far as they
could git without climbin' trees, an' even
ther brave old deacon had his head burled in
the coal scuttle aa' his feet hung up on top
of a winder sill, while his wife an' darter
kicked over the bibles an' a map of Jeru
salem In tryin' to get out on the roof.
"Well, sir, It tuk two hours to straighten
out that package patty an' even at thet all
the old girls went wadln' around with their
skirts tucked up like bathin' suits down to
Atlantic.
Gen. voh Elnem attracted Emperor Wil
liam's most earnest attention In last year's
stormy Reichstag session, when, as the
spokesman of the then war minister, Gen.
von Gesslcr, he was called upon to defend
the government against constant and. vitriolic
attacks upon the part of the Social Demo
crats. These Implacable politicians are pre
paring to renew their attacks in the coming
Reichstag with even greater bitterness. The
government's desire to increase the army
and the military budget will be fought tooth
and nail by the "reds," while the scandalous
brutalities to private soldiers which have
come to light during the past three months
will give them still more effective, ammuni
tion when they , begin to storm the govern
ment citadel. The Kaiser sees the hand
writing on the wall, and when Gen. von
Gessler tendered his resignation a few weeks
ago, von Elnem, the sturdy debater, be
came the Inevitable choice for his successor.
The new war minister, while known In the
army as a strict disciplinarian, bears the
reputation of being a most kindly, humane
officer and gentleman, with special regard to
the welfare of the enlisted man. Many Ger
mans look to him with hope as the most
likely man in the army to bring about that
community of spirit between officer and man,
that mutual respect which is founded upon
something else than contempt or fear, which
Is the one thing lacking to make the Kaiser's
powerful legions the Ideal soldier organiza
tion of the world. -
Convulsive Republics.
From the New York Times.
The Interesting nations to the south of us,
especially what a European contemporary
calls "the convulsive little republics that
border the Caribbean," are in the way to
find put that the Monroe doctrine imposes
upon them duties as well as confers upon
them rights. They have been too much in
the habit of considering that In establishing
it the United States set up a kind of Alsatla
on this side of the Atlantic, in which dis
honest national debtors could take sanctuary
when pursued, by their creditors, and that,
so far as they were concerned, the doctrine
was simply an act to enable them to snap
their fingers at Europeans presenting just
or unjust claims. Venezuela is in the way
of learning better. Colombia, which to be
sure Is not in the same position, is learning
a little lesson of her own. And now it is
Santo Domingo to which we have occasion
to Jay down the law fn the way of expound
ing the doctrine.
When her turn at last came she handed In
her book with a cheerful air' of confidence,
along with an assortment of mixed up bills,
some gold and silver. and one draft. The
teller weighed the gold piece and remarked
that It was Si cents short.
"Gracious!" said the woman. "It's not
counterfeit?"
"Oh, It's good, all right," said the teller,
"but It's short weight We hava to.dls.
count It If ifa shy." V. -;"C' v
"If It's what?" - '"
:'"Shy. 1 Short weight."
"Do I have to stand the discount T
"Certainly."
"Well, give It back to me," said the women
Indignantly. "I never heard of such a thing.
I know I can pass It Can't 1 1"
"I don't doubt It, madam, but in a bank
It's different. You can have It back, though,
and I'll change your deposit ticket."
"On the whole," said the woman, thought
fully, "I think you may keep it. I'm always
so afraid I'll pay out a 15 gold piece for i
penny, and I'd rather lose the quarter than
run the risk of losing the whole thing, or
even having the worry on my mind. Any
way, my husbsnd wagered me that I couldn't
make out a deposit ticket without changing
it, and "
"Have to change it on account of the 25
cents shortage," Interrupted tha man, as he
picked up the draft.
The woman giggled nervously. "Well," aha
said, "that's not my fault, and it doesn't
count."
. J'PJeaje. Indorse thlt drsft",ald. Jthajittn
curtlyj You forgot. Where? Right there,
please. Sign' your name just as It's written
on the face of the draft. Please don't put
'Mrs.' before your name. Write It"
Tbe woman threw down her pen In de
spair and the man picked up the draft, with
a. reciprocal, feeling- ai b compared tha
"Mrs. Thaddeus Wright" on the back with
the "Ellen Wright" on the face. He ex
plained gently and the woman rewrote her
name with an evident contempt for the
labyrinth of red tape through which she was
struggling.
"Is this all your money and drafts T' asked
her tormentor, after she pushed back the
twice-indorsed draft. "Because you add up
$5 more on your deposit slip than you have
listed or have given me."
"Oh, dear," said the woman, as she 'seized
the draft . T must have put this down $25
instead of "
"Please let me see that draft again," said
the maij. "This slip provides for the listing
of currency, checks and drafts separately.
You'havenC listed your draft at all, though
It evidently appears In' your sum total. Is
this all the money you wish to deposit?"
"Yes it is." said the woman, shortly, as she
watched him Jab his pen through almost
everything she had written down with so
much care.
"Everything was wrong," she remarked to
the woman friend as they made their way- at
last past a glaring line of waiting deposit
ors. "Look at that half -block of people
lined up there! I don't care about the thea
tre tickets, anyway, because we can go over
and get them charged and go Just the same,
but I'm glad we got here so early because
we might have had to wait for all those peo
ple to get .waited on."
They drifted out, while the teller mopped
his brow and took a fresh hold on life.
, ' What 8ha Thought of Him.. '
fry From ,th Rich Hill, Mo Review. '
A little, girl, suffering with toothache was
In his chair to hava the tooth removed. She
refused to let him proceed at first, being
afraid of the pain. "It won't hurt you, little
one, said -iks .dentist, -'Tbsre .it&w-,-' open
your mouth- it won't hurt." Half a minute's
work removed the tooth, and as the little girl
cnea softly the dentist said: "Didn't I tell
you ii wouian t hurt? What do you th nk
of ma nowr. Looking up at him with her
big brown eyea she replied: ' "I think you'rs
ui DiBgesi ar m town. . Tne dentist has
quit telling people tooth pulling' don't hurt.
". .?;.'.. What Ha Told thaOonkay.-. V v': ..
Sir Thomas Llpton told this Incident to a
Detroit man whn m him . in' K'.m
. ....... ... . w w.
It happened Just, opposite Upton's big pro
vision wdmIi
tow." 'V .... , v'. -v ':'( .
Tha Irish boat had Just coma In and landed
her passengers at tha foot of that street and
a tha poor emigrants swarmed .up tha
streets a smart Aleck' peddler thought ha
nwuiu IBM a jciiu ui onoorinem, as mey
say in Glasgow. He was peddling "delf In
a donkey cart which was wide and flat,
something like a hay cart. .''
. Hera Paddy, don't pasal your - brother
without talking to, him," he shouted to one
of tha Irishmen, and ha pointed to tha
donkey in the shafts. . . -1
The people around the cart' laughed, but
tha Irishman seemed to take it seriously.
"Faith, I will not," he said, and walking
tip to the donkey's head ha whispered In Its
ear.
The effect was electrical. The donkey was
heAflAfi ilrtUn tha mtnA V, a mwtst 111..
an arrow in the direction of the rlVer, empty
ing the peddler out of the cart and littering
the street with broken crockery.
The Irishman grinned as he looked oh tha
scene of destruction, but the grin had ndt
left his face before he was collared by a
bobbv. who irmrrhad him tn tha t..v
police station, where one of tha bailies was
holding court.
A charge of malicious mischief Was laid
against the Irishman, and hla trial waa be
gun immediately. The peddler told his tale
of woe, but could not account for tha
donkey's behavior.
"Wen. Patrick." said the ballle, "what did -you
say laXha donkey to make It-sun way?"
"Well, yer 'anner," said Pat, with a mis
chievous' smile, "I told him I was just over
from Olreland. and that they'd got home rule
there now. And wld that tha baste made
straight off for the boat"
- The bailie laughed heartily and dismissed -
rest was curious to know what had really
happened. He got. Pat Vs he left the court
room and took him to apub kept by a friend
of his, and after a "half ene," asked him how -It
Jiad happened. The Irishman's explana
tion was simple.
"Shure, Ol put a shpjt of tobaccy in hl
ear."
Positive Proof.
From the Minneapolis Times.
When Senator , Beverldge showed his
bunch of railroad, passes, that settled It.
The cashier knew he was a senator, and of
fered him another triangle of pie.
Lou as a 8treak of Lightning.
From the Atlanta Constitution.
Turn an automobile loose behind Lou Dil
lon and she will make that two-minute mile
look cheaper than straw hats on a bargain
counter.
George Gould as a Fireman.
Victor Smith, in New York Press.
A. Rothschild in Paris "goes to Jail for one
day because he scorched with his motor car.
Gen. Russell A. Alger fcpays a fine of $75
for some slight matter of forgetfulness. The
Duke of Portland gets iri trouble for the
injuries of a poacher. George Gould man
ages to get reinstated in the Lake wood Firei
Department after a year'i ' effort. Ge6f ge
Was one of the liveliest men in the depart
ment, but was fired out for non-payment of
dues $1.25. He had to pull , eyery political
wire In the Western Union office to get back.
These be hot times for big men. The impar
tiality of Mrs. Justice Is most amazing. She
Is becoming harder to buy every day.
Easy with Pistol Carriers.
From the New York World.
Desiring to dispose effectively of several
prisoners taken by the police In a raid upon
a troublesome "gang," City Magistrate Breen
has Just found himself balked by the weak
ness of the law. The prisoners had carried
pistols. The magistrate regretted that he
could not send them to Jail for six months
each, ,. Under the law, which makes ' pistol-
carrying a misdemeanor only, while to carry
Blung-shpts, raise knuckles, dirks or daggers
is a felony, he could simply. Impose a fine of
not exceeding $10. Here Is plainly a plate
In the criminal code which needs patching
up. in xne puDitc interest tne pistol habit
must be, made sufficiently perilous to those
forming It to hold Its cultivation to a min
imum. v
.'? ' -
Where Co-Opsration Fails.
t. . From the Chicago Journal.
The Mormons are not progressive
culturists Co-operation has blunted
agri-
their
Labfer in the 8outh.
From the Memphis Commercial Appeal.
If John Temple Graves succeeds in de
porting all those negroes, Mrs. John Temple
will have to go to the kitchen and the wash
tub. - ;
8u!tam'o 8orrow.
From the Toledo Times.
The sorrow of the sultan over the rough
ness with which his benevofent reform, en
deavors have been- carried out by his troops
is as convincing as the fabled tears of the
crocodile.
Herd to Understand.
, From the . New York Press.
The hardest thing in the world would be
to make an; engaged girl understand that
everybody is not dying with envy of her.
. Something in a Nam. "
From the Chicago News..
Many a man who wouldn't make a wife of
hla cook makes a cook of his wife. -
Can't Do It
From the Hartford Post.
It's enough to makea man sick tp fry to :
ioiiow an me nygiemo ruies on now to
keep welL - . .! -
ambition. K There Is no Incentive to Individ
ual effort The average .member of. the
church, which has its strength in the rural
communities, has 10 or 20 acres of land. He
raises enough to support himself and. family,
and that la as far as ambition carries him.
If arguments were needed against co-operation
and, in favor of individualism, . they
could be fojind abundantly in Utah and Colo
rado, respectively. If the same ' spirit of
progress .inspired the people of Utah aa is
found everywhere in Colorado, ' tha state
would-have wealth and prosperity far In ad
vance of what she now possesses. 4,
- Breaks It " 1 " '
From the Philadelphia Press. 1
Steel seems to be poor material with
which to try to cage a Wall street bear.
Keen Cuts Cleans
From the New York World.
Another child -whose cut hand was "neg
lected has died -f lockjaw. How many
more deaths of the sort must occur before
parents can be made to realize that no ab
rasion of the skin is too insignificant to re
quire immediate attention? , . ,
Rules for 8treet Crowds.
From the San Francisco Post.
Many are the men and women, too who
would give a good deal were there some
well-defined, generally accepted rules gov
erning the passage' of pedestrians through
city highways; rules providing for the avoid
ance of irritating collisions and annoying
interferences between persons on foot in the
crowded streets. Not a day passes that the
pedestrian does not suffer or Inflict a toe
treading, or other unpleasant contretemps
on the sidewalk. Why should not pedes
trians follow the admirable "rules of the
road at sea," so familiar to all navigators 7
They are few' In number, simple and beau
tifully applicable to persons on foot on dry
land. Simply substitute "pedestrians" for
"vessels" in these rules and the problem Is
solved.
According to these r&es vessels approach
lng head on keep to the right Invariably. So
should people. When vessels are on inter
secting courses the one having the other on
her starboard side must keep clear. Fol
lowing our analogy,' when two pedestrians
are apt' to collide by Intersection of paths
the one having the .other on the right hand
should keep clear "go astern" of, him.
Overtaking Walkers, like" overtaking ves
sels, should keep clear, and so on.
The College Man's "Lambs."
From the Kansas City Journal.
A strapping big fellow with "rah! : rah!"
trousers and shirt sleeves rolled up to his
elbows, walked into a farmyard in Western
Kansas and. applied for a position.
The applicant explained that he was a
graduate of a big Eastern college had played
football, excelled in weight contests, was a
record sprinter, and, In short, a man of ex
traordinary physical capabilities.
The farmer had quite a herd of sheep that
was causing him no little . trouble to be
herded properly, and he called the "college
feller" out into the pen about 6 o'clock the
next morning and stated that he wanted him
to herd the sheep over to a certain place and
then drive them slowly back, so as to hava
them in the pens by 7 o'clock that night
The new herder started out in rather awk
ward style, but the farmer, having so many
duties to look after, returned to the stable
to hitch up.
Supper time came, and not a word had
been heard.. from the sheep. Finally at 8
o'clock the farmer began to be alarmed, and
was getting ready to go out on a hunt; when
he heard some one come whistling through
through the yard, and in walked the new
hand, all smiles and apparently not at alt
tired by his day's work. .
"Kinder late. Hev eny trouble?"
"None at all, hardly, thank you. Got along
very nicely. But those three lambs did
keep me busy, I will admit."
"Lambs I Gol flip it. Afn't got a Iamb in
the hull bunch."
"Well, I guess you have, all right. They
are in the pen now." - .
The farmer, astonished, grabbed the young
fellow by the arm, and they hurried to the
pen. There, chasing about among the sheep,
the farmer found three Jackrabblts. . r :
Maggie. . . ,
. " From the Chicago News.
I'm not -what you would cay a "ladles' man.
Though, on the other hand, I'm not so slow
never have been classed an "also ran
When I start in the running I can go
Like a chrome pup In front of a tin can;
And now I'm setting Maggie quite a pace.
She's pretty swift herself we'd make a span.
I guess a tie is what will end the race.
But what I meant to say when I began
Was that my soft spot Is tha glrtie girl.
Most any kind of doll not stuffed with bran
Sets little Willie's think piece In a whirl.
I love 'em all that Is no line of guff.
But l ye not bad experience enougn.
It's sad,1 but I have got myself to blame;
I've had my opportunities to burn,
But mostly when I didn't know the game:
And flunked for fear I wouldn't call the
" turn.' ' r .;.'
Too young! Too youngt ' It was a measly
- shame . .
To miss tha rosy chances that I did
With Gladys, Myrtle, Gertie, Liz and Mama,
But what could be expected of a kid? -
NoTjr I am next to any downy dame-
ieaa on, dul, tuter ail, i nave no inuw.
know enough, but where If all down lama
la that I knowthat they know that I know.-
It' makes a difference. But why feel blue?
I guess that ru make little Maggie do. :
I'M .V
- i - V ZBr) -
Robe oft black point d'esprlt with bands of
Jetand black - paillettes. "Corsage "slightly
aecoiieie, .ruiiea over a wide belt of black
liberty silk. ' . .
.4;