The Tillage Post Office.
Half an hour before the .arrival of the
daily mail .they begin to come in the
merchant vho expects a letter the
blacksmith who thinks he may possibly
one the carpenter who lia-s not had one
for a yean, but who still lives in hopes
the laborer who hasn't the slightest idea
that he will ever get anything more in
teresting than a circular advising him to
insure hisJife before it is infernally too
late the farmer who has friends out
"West or down East, and vho .pan confi
dently count on his weekly xaper, any
how. As the mail-boy arrives at the
door there is a ripple of excitement
which extends even to the barefooted
boy who has been sent doyn with three
big coppers to mail a letter directed in a
cramped, old-fashioned hand. One can
see from the way he looks from the letter
to the jars of candy in front of the store
that he is speculating on the risk of
dropping the missive into the river and
investing .the money where it will do
Uncle Sam no good.
There is. a hush while the mail is being
distributed. The pampered aristocrat
who can afford to pay box-rent at the rate
of 4.0 cents .per year keeps his eye on his
particular box, while the down-trodden
citizen, who is compelled to go into the
"general delivery," silently argues that
the heavier the mail bag the more chance
he has of being favored. Just at this
moment the postmaster is "a bigger man
than old Grant," or old anybody else,
and if he does not feel at least 9'J per
cent, of his ollicial importance it is be
cause he has to stop now and then to de
cipher the superscription of a letter.
After what seems an interminable do
lft.y, the window is opened and a general
rush is m;ule, and in ten minutes the on
ly person left cautiously approaches the
window and inquires:
"Anything for anv of us?"
"Nothing," is the reply, as the letters
are rapidly overrun.
"Anything for Brother Jim's folks?"
"Nothing."
"Walker wanted me to inquire for
him."
"Nothing for any of the Walkers."
"Old Mrs. Lee hailed me as I driv by
smd said she was looking for a litter from
Jier sou Bill in Leadville. I 'sposo it
ain't any iise to inquire, for Bill '.ouldn't
write a letter in three weeks."
The man started to go, but suddenly
recollected himself he turned and said:
"Come to think of it, MeArthur's hired
man has sent oil for a lottery ticket. He
won't draw nothin', of course, for them
lotteries area dead swindle, but it's about
time he got it, and he hollored at me
from the barn this morning and asked me
to inquire. His name is Sam White,
bnt I never asked him how he spelled
it."
"Nothing for him," was the monoton
ous reply."
Do Animals Think and Talk I
"well, that s all, 1 guess. Turty bad
weather on wheat, ain't it? Looks like
rain, but maybe it'll send around." De
troit Free P renal
A Story for Hie Boys.
Come, boys, I will tell yon a story.
How your eyes dance! You love to hear
me talk. You are good boys. Well, I
will tell you a-bout George and James.
They both wanted an apple. So James
got up one dark night. He left his nice,
warm bed. He went to Far-mer Jones'
or-chard. He stole his ap-ples. James
was a ver-y bad boy. I see by your
bright faces that you think so, too.
James did not fall and break his neck
when he slid down the spout; a great
stone did not fall on him when he
climbed Farmer Jones' wall; Far-mer
Jones' great dog did not seize James in
his cru-el jaws and hold him till the far
mer came out; and the far-mer did not
come out and talk to James of the sin of
steal-ing ap-ples while the dog chewed
James' leg and then horsewhip him after
ward; and the ap-ples did not make
.Tames sick, and he did not pine
awav on a sick bed. and he was
not" laid away in the cold ground
the next Sunday; and ho did not give
the min-is-ter a chance to preach on the
sin of steal-ing ap-ples. No; James was
a bad boy. Ho slid down the spout
with out so much as blis-ter-ing his
hands; he jumped o-ver old Jones' wall
(that was the way the bad boys spoke of
the good man), and when the dog came
he rocked him into the stable. He tilled
him-self full of ap-ples; he filled his
pockets and his hat, also. Then he went
home and slept like a log. The good
George would not do such a thing. Oh,
no; he asked his pa-pa for some ap-ples,
and his dear pa-pa bought him a cent's
worth of worm-v ones; the good George
on-ly eat one. That night he dreamt he
was a crook-neck squash ; lie thought the
cir-cus pro-ces-sion. witli all the ele
phants, was walk-ing o-ver his ab-do-men.
lie lav in bed one week, and read
nice lit tle books a-bout nice little boys
who nev-er could have lived, and lit-tle
girls that no-body wants to see. The
mor-al of this sto-ry, boys, is this: Once
in a-great while a bad boy has an un-ac-count-a-ble
run of good luck, and a good
bov vi ce ev-sa.JJos(on Trunscripl.
Pkrmanent Partuke. At one of the
Michigan Farmers institutes Prof. In
gersoll asked an essayist what he con
sidered to be the value of permanent
pasture for stock. The reply was, ' I
regard June grass and white clover as
the very best pasture, and it yields the
largest quantity per acre. I regard it as
a mistaken idea that an old pasture
should be ploughed; better put a harrow
upon it and and give it a top dressing of
plaster." Another gentleman remarked
that he had a piece of land that has been
clovered thirty years; after one crop it
was self-seeded; since that time it has
beea pasture. There are six acres of it,
and it yields more than any other ten
acres on the farm.
Do birds talk? Why not? Listen to
the chirpings of a ilock, and say, if you
can, that they mean nothing. Down in
the eastern partof the city there is a
place where the truckmen feed their
horses every day,-and a lot of grain is
scattered on the pavement.
One day two or three sparrows made
their appearance and had a good dinner,
after wliich they flew away. The next
day dozens of these birds came to pick
up the grain. The first comers probably
returned to the common and said some
thing like this: "Now, birds, you go
with us to-morrow, and we will sAow
you a good place to get plenty to eat.
Tell all the birds, for there is enough for
.all of us." Every day afterward there
was a Hock of sparrows to pick up the
oats scattered by the horses.
In n neighboring town, a calf was
taken away by tlie butcher, and the
mother-cow was inconsolable. Her
bleating was continued for days and
nights, until the patience of the owner
was exhausted. By the advice of a
ue'ghhor, the hide of the calf which had
been killed, was hung upon a fence, and
the cow was brought to it. She smelled
it, and licked it, as if she caressed it,
while tears actually fell from her eyes.
After that, she was quiet, and made no
more noise and trouble. ,
A kitten that was ambitious, and liked
to be praised, would, whenever she
caught a mouse, bring it to the piazza
window, when she was let in with the
mouse in her mouth. One day she made
her appearance, claiming admittance.
When the window was opened, she
rushed in, dropped what she held in her
mouth. It proved to be a chip. Not
having a mouse, and wishing to get in,
she evidently thought that by cheating a
litlle she could gain admission without
her usual price.
One of the brightest feats is recorded
of the mule: an animal jiot generally re
garded as remarkably intelligent. In
one of the mines of Tennessee, there is
a mule named Mary Ann, which has
faithfully served nearly a score of years.
The track from the mine is down an in
clined plaue. Ono day, as a train of
empty platform cars was going into the
mine, the three roar card became de
tached, and commenced their downward
passage. As soon as they reached her,
she jumped upon the first, then stepped
to the second, and then to the third,
jumping off at tho rear. So she escaped
being knocked down and run over. Mary
Ann seems to have shown something of
what would have been called, if a man
had so acted, "presence of mind." Com
snonwealth. "Would you mind standing here till I
go in and get a cigar?" he asked. "Of
course not," she replied; but don't you
think, Henry, that smoking is offensive,
and that it will be easier to practice
economy after marriage if it is practiced
during courtship?" "You're right," he
said; "I shan't smoke any more, sweet,"
and she looked unutterable things at him
as they resumed their stroll. J ust theu
they came to an ice cream saloon and he
said: "There, now, I meant to treat you
to ice cream, but, as you say, it is best to
practice economy during courtship. Ten
cents for a cigar, thirty cents for two ice
creams forty cents saved in a single
night. Let's go over to the fountain and
take a drink of water." They went, but
she was mad enough to bite her own
head off.
Wltite'N Bnniuiss College
We would call the attention of our
readers to the advertisement in another
column of White's Business . College
(formerly the National) of Portland,
Oregon. This institution, established in
1SGG, and conducted by DeFrauce it
White, is now owned and managed by
Mr. White, so well known throughout
the Northwest as an energetic and pains
taking educator and an artistic-penman
of national reputation. Mr. White has
placed this institution upon an entire
new footing, having employed a new
corps of tho most efficient teachers to be
found anvwhere, and introduced the
latest and most
drill in business
thorough methods of
training and the En
This school, as now
conducted, is without doubt the fore
most one of the Northwest, and merits
the patronage of all persons of either
sex desiring a practical, useful, everyday-
to-be-used education .
SKRVE.
It is ;i ereat thins (o hav whnt Is called nerve,
ami nothlot! contributes more to the ptiwi-r of
phvsir.al conliol t'tu.s named ihnn Warner'
afe Nervine II a'so relieves ik kinds of pain
cures hea'Juche ami neuralt;ii.
Among the very many remarkable cnru ef
fected by Warner's safe Kidney and I.i ver Cure
may be "mentioned that 1 Charles s. Prentice,
of Toledo, Ohio, wto wan by Us use restored to
healih In a few weeks, after he hud t'ied the
tteatnientof some of the most eminent, phy
sicians of France, England and Amej iea with
out b neflt. His trouble was Brig tit's Oisei'se
Another is J he cure f Peter SiiowernuMi, at the
age oi seventy yars, after greatly sullriug for
forty years from K' lney and Liver Difficulties
Testimonials rsf Mu,ce and others c m be seen.
4rlu matting .V liircnHo or in wrlt
luir tn response to nuy advertisement in
iliio paper you will please mention the
Same of ttie paper.
THE OREGON
NEWSPAPER PUBLISHING
Company
Is now meDared to furnish
I. a. a 1 I
InlemenLs nn the shortest no-
luce. Address If . JJ. ixiimerA
box 59. rortiana.ur.
NOTICE TO PEDESTRIANS.
The first 72 hour go as you please contest on
the Pacific coast will commence in Turue Halle,
Portland, Oregon, Sept. 18th, 1880, at 2 o'clock
P. M.j 12 hours a day for C days, for the Cham
pionship of Oregon and Cash Prizes as follows :
First man, $125, second $50, third $25 The win
ner of the first prtae will be entitled to admission
to the match for the Andrew Belt, by dejosi ting
$10U with the stakeholder on or before May 1st,
1SS1 There wiil also be a special prize of $200
open to ail on payment of an entrance fee of $25;
first man, $125, seooml $75. Entries can be
made with 1). R. McNeill, Turne Halle, Port
land, Oregon.
The first contest lor the Andrews Belt will take
place in San Franci.-co in October, IStil. Entries
for this event will bo received by the stakeholder,
Adam Aulbneh editor of the Pacific Life San
Francisco, horn and after September 1, 18S0. Jn
order that none but first-class men will enter
this coin; etition the. entrance fee has been fixed
at $25!J, $100 of which must accompany the ap
plication for entry ; the balance, $lf)U, to be paid
on signing articles, or twenty (lays before the
commencement of the race. The Cash Prizes
will be as follows : First man $2,000. second
man $1,000 ; third man $CU0 ; fourth man $f00;
fifth man $300; total $4,P.O0. All those who
complete 500 miles and do not win either of the
five prizes will receive $250. Further in form a
tion concerning belt and conditions of :ace
will bo furnished from time to time through the
columns of the Pacific Life.
D. K. McNEILL, Manager.
aiiif-'IUvo
C -. w ml. i-Vc-nlarm.Kinp tonM.l priced, warrant
ed. I'.n igi.ev.Ulj !j00tcs:iiaonlils.iirJi;cs,et.. ntr:te.
LirJFCHTH, RICE & CO.
C:l: Ar:-'2 f:? ?a:i5: C:Mt. 12iA:i Ct.. Z:z r-vci-sa
rJ C J
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IAIF1ELD vs
i Oi V&fi Oi Si
T IS KXPFTKO THAT ALL PATRIOTIC
eit'.t-ns will huv tin ouportunltv to choose
from several siood camlida es for President. In
the pronchiug couteht, but in the realm oi
Soap,
THOMAS' C-H)L WATER IJLE ACHING SO P
stjinds a'one, pcerles, unrivalled ai d unnp
pronchahlc. lis name ha become a Jiousc
h -Id vv rd. Its virtues hnve flown on tlie wintrs
of the wind. lt remarkable success Ii:ik stim-
Uhff;d i LEGION1 OF IllSK I.VIT TIONS, of Which
jJEW.vitE. and put chase none t hat does not bear
th imprint of the Standard Soap Co, who
maniifj'cture the mos extensive as ortment. of
Fnmilv, I.tun iry nn i Toilet Soaps mad In the
United stale. If your grocer or drutraht does
not keep our goods, order directly ftom the
STANDARD SOAP CO.
( t f'.x ramento t., T7". Cnl
1MI
llHMMRSaHHB
i
JBia
-vtmmma. csr nrn nn fmmpdiato
v v u iivt r t-4v - t
stimulus for a Torpid Liver, and cure CostUo
Malaria, Fever and Aruc and are useful at
times in nearly all Diseases to cause a free and
recular aetion of the Bowels. Tlie best anti
dote lor all Malarial Poison. Price, 'Joe. a box.
Warner's Safe Nervine quickly gives Kest
and bleep to the suffering, cures neaaacue nnu
Neuralgia, Prevents Epileptic Fits, and is tho
host rnmnrtv far NprvollS Prostration brOUJCllt
i
I... ' I .11 11 mnv TT'rl- montnl
shoe ks and otlier causes. It relieves the Pains
or all Uiscases, and is never injurious to tbo
system. The best of all Nervines. Bottles of
two sizes; priuus, auu
and $1.00.
Warner's Snfe
Remedies are
sold byDrngfcists
and Dealers in
j&edioine every
where. lH.H.WASNER&Ca,
I Proprietors,
r Boclicstrt If. Y.
aSend for Pamphlet
apd Testimonials.
HODGE, DAVIS A CO.. Agent.
PorUand. Or
Hi
0
MXSLLiIS BROS. & CO.
126 First Street and 127 Front Street, PORTLAND, OREGON.
THE
Ix&rgesf Dry Goods House
OF THE NORTH-WEST COAST.
GOODS AT fc?EW YORK PRICES,
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL.
Wrltft tor Prirc Iiir. MKIIR BHO.
mmmm
THE OBJECT of this Institution is to impart a quality of knowledge that must be
used in the practical, everyday affairs of life, affording useful Budine-s Education at
less cot, and in ps? time, than any other character of School ran offer.
English Branches will receive special attention. Private Ins ruction iriven in any
separate study if desired, in either day or evening session. New IVachers, NEW
METHODS, careful attention, and entire satisfaction guaranteed to all students who
will work Lidy Assistant conshmrly in attendance in Ladies Department.
Dav-ion., Hall
aar
Orders fnm
THE TRADE
Solicited,
r
Lamberson.
Portland,
Oregon.
Wholesale Hardware.
Thomnson, DeHart & Co.
IMPOHTEI'S OF
HARDWARE. IRON and STEEL
HARDWOOD LUMBKE
WAGON Kfl A T E F2 3 A ,
(Cumberl ind. Ij-.liisjh and Domestic.)
Port land, Oregon.
AoiiiM ror mew vt t ttAUHAr. err.
T,i:aii(t STl FFMt.
4
wm m m lair
m v m if ii m
KNIOTADRUSa
M
A N&W TREATMENT
For Consumption, Asthma, 15rcni-hl(is,
Dj-npopsiii, Cnfiirrli. Hi-udachc. Urbllity,
JtlicuiiuuisFu. X-ui-li , ,iu ail Curuiiie
and Nervous Disorder.-. Jt taken
BY INHALATflON,
And acts directly upon Hie great nrvonp rui
organic nenler.uni Ctircs by n. Natural pro
cess of Itc.vitilixntion.
A treaiieeon Cinnound Oxygen, Rivinjr ihe
history oi iliis new discovery, uiid a l-m' rec
ord of most rc"ii.rkl)l etirs Writ" for it.
Address Dss sTA RK'-.Y IWLEX. 11(9 and
1111 G r.ird s'net. IN-.iiHiieipliia. I 'a . ir K. K.
MATHEWS. G"G Mou;mery street, San F np
clseo, Uul., from whom c n be procured both
information imiis'uip'ips. nelrnl
Comiiiissioii Merchant
AND PURCHASING AGENT.
JL.ll Goods on Commission.
WOOL, GRAIN, DAIRY PRODUCTS AND
FRUITS A SPECIALTY.
Agent for Pnrrotl's Patent Doubletree.
247 First Street, bet. Main & Madirfoa
Portland, Oregon, jy29
TUfi BISHOP SCOTT GMfiHUK
SOIIOUL.
ABOARDTNQ AND DAY SCHOOL FOR BOY3
aud yount; men reopens Ansrust 31st. 1880,
with improved facilities for thorough Instruction.
Special attention paid to Euffli9h. Muslo, Book
keeplmr Modern laugnaRfis successfu ly taught.
Send for catalogue Address the r ector, the RU
Bev B. Wistar iiorris D. D , or the Heal Master,
d&w6,v Prof. .1. W. HILU Forda1 Or.
The Great English Remedy
Is n nevpr-failine'Cure
for Nervous Debility
Lxliaustcu Vitjiiiiy
Semiiiai w -akness,
Spernia'orrlie;, IjINT
n A H . ti. Impo
teucy. P.inilysl.s. and
alt U o terrible etl'ect
of Self Abuse, youth
ful foiil, and exces-K(-
in jua"u:er yH rs
such :i Ls of Mem.
ory.La-sh oie. Noctur
nal ElnIsllJ. vvci'aiun t Society. Dimne o
Vis on, NoiJ-es in Ihe hesd. tlie vital fluid
pas.-liiK unobserved In tlie urim nd many
oth rd ii,i,f!i' ill t U' ii t ui Aui: .-uul dentin
DU. 3IIXT1E wi I upve to firfeit Fivn
Hundred Dollars tor . ca.-ef lii " kind the
11 - I. nK4 ka Stf (undo hi. seciat
advice utid treitmcntj will nor, cure, or for
jii'vihliii; impure or injo- ous t.nud Jo It.
WIA'TJ K trea's nli I'rfviite Dis-asfs sue
cessfullj without mercury. v...ulmtloi
Frt-e Thorough examination :ind advice.
cludiuK nitiilysN of urinu, 55 (K Prie of Vital
Jtcstitrati S3 (K) per hottb-. or lour timea
the quantity for SI0 00; ert to my nilddresH
n receipt of price, or t. !., .-ccurt; from ob
servation, and Jn nnvir.e inime it ile.-ired, by
A. F.."3IiA"TlB, M. D.
It Kearny Htreei, Sun frzi .vico, Cal.
IK. lLthXEY KKltKO-V
NKPUBI lCHiT. cures all kinds of. Kidney
and IVadder Complaints. Qonorrlio? t. t-tleet,
Leueorrhcei. For sale bv :n drucgi.-t-; SI IX) a
bottle; six bottle tor 55 t.0.
I) It. nil.N'Ill.'S D.DRS.M3" PITI S
are tlie best and cheapest DYSPEPSIA at d
HltjioUs cute in the ma-ket. tor sale by all
ilruiKlst.
llOttGK. IVVIS & 0. l'nrtlauu. Or.
UoieHitle (:h(.v m-irtitf
J C Qarson,
Manufacturer and dealer In all kinds ot
Sah3 Doors3 Blinds,
FRAMES, MOULDINGS, BRACKETS, Etc.
SEASONED FINISHED LUMBER
Constantly on band.
Importer o
Paints, Oils, Glass, Brushes.
AND A FULL LINE OF
PA.JjNTErtJS' MATERIALS.
Orders from the country will receive prompt
and carefnl attention.
balks room: factory:
111 rroat Street At Weidler's 2(1U
aug9 POXTLAND, OREGON,