SUNDAY NOVEMBER 1, 1908,
THE MOHNLNG ASTOMAN, ASTORIA, OREGON,
11
BOWSER TENTS OUT
Plans to' Sleep on Ground and
Get Benefit of Earth Currents.
WHAT HE GOES THROUGH.
Exprmnt Hai Hi Dlaadvantagae, o
: cording to tht Notta Ht Makes,
'Stolen by Three Trempe, While (n
Paaooful Slumber.
tCopyrlht, ltot, by T, C. MoClura. c
An hour before Hp, Bowser came
horn to dinner tho other evening an
expre wagon brought a email tout to
the house, nuil, of course, Mrs. Bowser
was nil agog to know what was going
to happen. Bhe Imd made up hor mind
that Mr. llowaor was going to take her
to the seashore or the woods and was
looking to ice what old drcssea ehe
, coma wear wnen he arrived hotne.
When nkcd about the tent he replied:
"Aire, nowscr, have you ever heard
of Professor Baumgartcn, the cele
brated scientist?"
"I don't remember." .
"He li the man who discovered that
there was so electric current passing
through the earth from darkness to
I i - .m?r , !:! '':' " ' Vai!' ;
tream and finally nredlcted that Wa
lmplng In the tout inljilit be tljo means
of informing the world the exact cause
of cartli(imk, volcanoes and cyclonea,
He flimiiy tiuntftd up pencil and paper
mid took hli way to the yard. As was
ufterward ascertained, he made notes,
and the notes read as follows:
"I bare retired to the tout Over
forty cats about, ;. it inny bo the elec
trie current of the earth that gives cats
nine lives.
"I have stretched myself on the
grass, I seem to feel a vibration of the
earth, , May Ik r truck going past on
the street or may be I'rofeasor Baum
gnrten's electric current.
There Is n Ulct crackling of the
grnsw, ; Electricity miiHt be at work.
frbla Ja restful. 1 am feeling a holy
cairn steal over me,
Tho above mentioned holy calm was
Interrupted by a cnt entering the tent,
iut I soon walked her out again.
"This is a heap better than going; to
the woods. No danger of bears or
snakes, and you get the electric cur
rout iwililes,
"I think I fee! the current passing
from the north to the south pole, but
may i mistaken. , ,
"1 was mistaken. It was only
chicken bono uuder my back. Perhaps
me current Is late In getting started to
night
"Several other cats Invaded the tent
to be clubbed out ;
-Just saw Mrs. Bowser at back
window looking out ' She needn't con
cwn nemur snout me. Never wae
there a more peaceful situation than
this. It combines all the advantages
of the seashore with all the comforts
of home.
"I am certain that the electric cur
rent has nw got started. For the bene
fit of tho public 1 will say that the hour
Is exactly 10 o'clock. The direction is
from uortb to south, sustaining the
proressora theory. I can feel It crln
kllng my hnlr and doing my flatulency
t world of g'wtd,
"I seem to hear about 200 cats on the
fence. I must write the profossor and
ask if cats and ground currents bo
together.
"I teem to hear footsteps and wbls
pers In the alley. That may be caused
by the current meeting an obetructlon
In Ita irawagv.
Celt the Current
"No mistake about the current 1
feel a soothing creeping over me, and
my liver Is placid for the first time In
year. It would be a wonderful thing
If I was completely cored. I would
give the professor a testimonial over
my own name. ; '
Tho current Is twitching around
somewhat, Has probably bit against
The k NGMAKtR. i , ,. r i rc
KB, HOWHkn CAMMED THE TKKT TO TBI
I DAOK YAW) AMD BT IT OF.
I aunrlae and that the said current was
I beneficial to many human complaints
I when rightly taken.
1 "But yoa have no human complaints."
I "That's all you know about it Be-
I " Vm Mf, containing every few tbo gtnmlfmt 0u company and neither
i ; r of tbe'" win slva way
wrote down a few of my ailment In
tbia form. There they are."
And lie banded her paper with the
following record nicely drawn ud and
typewritten:
Rheumatism.
Asthma. Lumbago, Heartburn.
Dyspepsia. IJver comp. Catarrh.
Flatulency.
"It's all nonncunor exclaimed Mrs.
Bowser after reading the list "If
1 there's a healthier man in this town
I than you are, I'd like to know hli
1 name."
I Had a Sinking Spell.
I "Healthy! Why, I had a sinking
1 spell not four hours ago!" be shouted.
I "Yes, you probably sunk down In a
chair. V'hy, man, you eat enough at
every meal to do for two common men.
.That boiled bam we had last night"
"Never mind the boiled bam. It's no
use to tell you that I may not Hw
three months. The doctor says it's the
worst complication of ailments be ever
saw. It is only after I have passed In
my check that you'll awake to the
fact that I was an uncomplaining suf
ferer for years." - -
f "But what obout the tent? Are you
golug to swallow that to cure yourself
of some of the ailments?" ' .
f "Mrs. Bowser, we'll treat this as a
I serious matter, a very serious matter,
a or we'll shut up about It It la no time
"Steady again and all 0. K. Heart'
burn gone; dyspepsia gone: asthma
heap better. It's lulling me to sleep."
And to sleep ho weut Mrs. Bowser
looked out occasionally to eee that all
was well, and there was no alarm till
midnight. Then, after an Interval of
half an hour, she peered forth and nt
tered an exclamation. Three tramps
had come through the alley gate and
folded up the tent and Mr. Bowser
with it and were pausing out again.
She called and called, but they paid no
heed. Tbey were not Interested In
Professor Bnumgarten's electric cur
rent of earth. M. QUAD.
I.
. Quite Likely.
"I didn't see you at our euchre the
othor night," said the bachelor.
"No," replied the young Benedict
"A far as euchre goes with me now,
I consldor 'home' the right bower."
'That's all right while heart are
trump, but I suppose If clubs should
turn up it would be the 'left bower.' "
-Philadelphia Press.
.tor sarcasm when a man' life la bang
ing In the balance."
"Well, then?" . ,
J "I shall put up the tent In the back
yard and sleep In it in order to get the
j ground current, I hare every faith In
the experiment I believe that after
the flint three nights I ahall bo feeling
much better, I wish you wouldn't Irri
tate me this evening. I have been
thinking of coffins and tombstones all
day, and I have a fear that I have be
gun this exporlmont too late."
I "Why, my dear husband, If you foel
that way, I haven't anothor word to
gay in opposition., Go right ahead and
put up your tent and occupy it I
don't know anything about the elec
tric ground current, but if it will help
even one of your ailments I shall be
thankful. You'll need a mattress, of
course?" ;.: v' '
J "No; I shall sleep on the bare ground.
want the full effect of the current."
After dinner, which was one of the
heartiest be had eaten In a month, Mr,
Bowser carried the tent to the back
yard and set It up. When tho cook saw
what wns going on she went to Mrs.
Bowser and snld:
I "Mum, could you get another girl
jnnd let me go this evening?"
1 "But why. Bridget?"
J "Because I want to be found alive In
j the morning, and I see that Mr. Bow-
I sor la fixing to explodo us all. It's
I the wntor pipes, and the gns pipes, and
the hot water, and the cold wntor, and
dynamite, and gunpowder, and the fur
nace, and I've got so scared that Pm
finding gray hairs In my head."
Made Notes of Experiment.
Bridget was quieted with a guaran
tee of safety, and Mr. Bowser came in
for an hour before retiring to get the
electric current. During this time he
had a groat deal to say about the north
pole and tho south pole and th, gull
Mystery.
"I wonder why it Is?" said the man
who seemed to be thinking aloud.
"Why what Is?" queried the friend
who had overheard.
"That people who are so different
from us seem to be satisfied with
themselves?" concluded the noisy
thinkcr.-Pittsburg Post
, Why She Couldn't.
"Oh, I couldn't love him I"
"Why not?"
"He wears a wig. The very Ideal"
Then the dear creature removed two
rats, some puffs, a coronet braid, a
pompadour, a switch and sat down to
peruse a novel, St. Taul Pioneer
Press.
All Well Except Bill.
Earl ef Warwick, a Herolo Figure In
English Hletory.
The Eurl ,of Warwick, commonly
rolled tho "kingmaker," from the fac
ulty with which be created and do
potted moitarchs during the content
ctween the bouse of York and Lan
caster, lived In style of magnificence
and hoapliulfty of which no period per
haps furnlrhos an example. No lens
than 80,(X)0 persons are said to have
lived at bJ board In tho different
manors and castles which be pos-
sessed, and the military, allured by hlu
hospitality as well as his bravery, were
atrongly attached to bis interests. This
distinguished warrior fell at the bat
tle of Unmet In 1471, when, owing to
tho mistake of one part of his army
falling upon the other during a fog. be
was defeats by Edward IV. i
In former battles Warwick had al
ways fought on horseback, that be
might at onco ride along tho line and
perceive the. partlculors of the action.
but on this occasion he determined to
fight on foot, that his soldiers might
nee that be was resolved to share with
them the dangers of the day. After
having exerted himself as an officer
and a hero Sn fruitless attempts to turn
the tide dt fortune in his favor he
rushed into- the hottest part of the bat
tle and fell covered with wounds. His
brother, Montacute, In endeavoring to
save him taet a similar fate.
SKI MM ILK PAINT.
A Cheap, Quick Drying Coating That
Will Weer Well.
The following formula for maklntr
sklmmllk paint wIli of ntorMt t0
all who (leijlre a cheap paint that will
wear well:
Stir Into a gallon of sklmmllk three
pounds of Portland cement, adding at
the same time any paint in dry form
that will gve the color you desire. The
milk will, bold the paint In suspension.
but tho cement, being heavy, will sink;
therefore It will be necessary to keep
tho uifxtuu) well stirred with a pad
dle. Mix only enough at a time for
one day's use. If the mixture la not
thoroughly stirred as you use It, it will
got thicker and thicker and It will be
necessary to thin It by adding more
milk. 81 x hours after applying tbls
paint It will be dry. It la not affected
by weather.
Carbolic ucld or any other disinfect
ant can be added, thus making It very
effective for two in poultry bouse and
the itable. It makes an excellent
paint for fences when colored drab by
the addition of a little lampblack or a
dull green by adding other and a amall
quantity r prusslnu blue. E. B, Rex
ford in Outing Magazine. ' : jj . ( ; (
Ml 'MM
HARMONY
IN YOUR
NEW HOME
Color blending of Furniture,
Draperies, Carpets, Woodwork,
Walls, make home life happier.
Our espert decorative specialist will
vinit your city oon. Without obli
gating you he will discuss the fur
nishings for your new home.
Wrlu lor ptnlcniin
J. G. Mack & Co.
, Furniture and Carpet
PORTLAND, OMGON
Sitiglt Romi Tumhhid TaiUfullj
iQner JtJrothero Company
SOLE AGENTS
Marbour and Finlayaon Salmon Twines and Netting
McCormick Harvesting Machines
Oliver Chilled Ploughs
Sharpies Cream Separator ,
Raecolith Flooring ; , , Storrett's Tools
Hardware, Groceries, Ship
Chandlery
Tan Bark, Blue Stone,' Muriatic Acid, Welch Coal, Tar,
Ash Oars, Oak Lumber, Pipe and Fittings, Brass Goods.
'' Paint,' Oil and Glass
Fishermen's Pare Manilla Rope, Cotton Twine and Sein- Web
We Want Your Trade
FISHER BROS.
BOND STREET
HOT OR COLD
lea
Just Right
Shipment of
Norwegian Bod! Boor
$2.00 the Dozen.
CLOSSET & DEVERS,
PORTLAND, ORE,
It is Enforced Trip.
One Nev York matron wa discuss
ing with soother New York matron the
mlBfortuuu which she considered bad
befallen the husband of a third New
York matron : '-,; f ,: ; i r
lou see," she said, "he went down
to the ateumer with a friend who was
going abroad and became so interested
talking in the friend' cabin that he
never nottred the warning whistle, and
the steamer sailed with htm on board.
However, be sent a wireless to bis wife
so the wouldn't worry, . I dam aay tie's
been kicking himself about, the ship
ever since.?
"Perhap-and perhaps not," replied
the second matron. "The fact Is, be
told my hut band in confidence ten days
ago that he intended to be carried off
to Europe 'accidentally,' because it wo
the only vay be could go without tak
ing bis wlfo aloug. But, for heaven's
sake, don't mention the matter, my
dear, because be told my husband in
the strictest confidence."
MILLINERY SALE
; Special Sale of
PATTERN
HATS
At the
La Mode
682 Commercial St.
AMERICAN IMPORTING CO. I
Phone 1881. 589 Commercial St.
Importers and Wholesale T.imim-TVflWc
. . . -..-n-,. ; i
John F01, Pres. F. L Bishop, Sec ; Astoria Sarins Bk. Treaa.
, T Nelson Troyer, Vice-Prea. and Supt. f
ASTORIA IRON WORKS
! ; ' ' DESIGNERS AND MANUFACTURERS
OF THE LATEST IMPROVED ...
Canning Machinery, Marine Engines and Bellas
COMPLETE CANNERY OUTFITS FURNISHED.
Correspondence Solicited. ... Foot of Fonrtk Stmt
ITS A GOOD THING TO REFER
to the reputation of a store before
SCflf BAT BRASS & IflOII I70BKS
ASTORIA, O It EG ON
making any important purchases iron arid Brass Founders', Land and Marine Engineers.
to look up the matter. Ask questions. "P-w-waw aawmm wacninery prompt attention g-.ven to all repair
Find out if the store von intend m- ' lou no rranm AV- . ort TeL Main 2451
tronizing keeps its pledges. Be sure
that you learn if it sells the qualities
it claims; if it treats , ts customers
honestly and fairly, then,' if satisfied,
buy there. Do all the asking you
wish about us among your friends,
and that you will result in your com
fng here regularly.
Come in and see our $125 Kitchen
Range.
il l .
Ill P
Uill liLll iiti
Language of the Hair.
A man can tell a great deal about a
woman by studying the manner In
which she dresses her hair. One who
makes too much observance of the ex
actness of fashion is apt to be a stic
kler for form and In consequence an
uncomfortable person. It Is the wo
man who is able to discern the beauti-
menn who meets all complexities
pleasingly. Chlcngo Inter Ocean.
fx ?
:
"Why, how do ;ou do, uncle' How's
nil the folks t"
"They're all well 'cept Bill. He's
marrIed."-St. Lcmis rost-Dlspntch.
The Evan Spirit.
"I keep an even spirit in this life."
eayg a Gcorsln philosopher. "In bright
eother I open the life windows and
sun ray soul, and lu the stormy days
I think of all the sunshine I have bad
and shout ballelula!" Atlanta Constl-tutlop.
Only All Rail Route to Portland and all Eastern Points. Two
daily trains. Steamship tickets via all Ocean Lines at Lowest Rate.
'For rates, steamship and aieeping-car reservations, call on or address
Q. B. JOHN50N,Qen'I Agent
12th St, near Commercial St. - ASTORIA, OREGON.
You want the best money can buy in food, clothing, home comforts,
pleasures, etc., why not in education ?" " " "
Fidnttiiiio
:he big store.-
Boys wanted to carry papers. Ap
ply Circulation Department, Astorian
Office. 9-17-tf
TIDE TABLE FOR NOVEMBER
Portland'a Leading Business College
, offers such to you and at no greater cost than an inferior school.
Owners practical teachers More Calli than we can fill
Teachers actual business men In session the entire year
Positions guaranteed graduates Catalogue "A" for the asking
M. WALKER, Pres. O. A. BOSSFP VN, Secy.
NOVEMBER, 1908.
High Water.
A. M.
Date.
Up to Da'e Explanation.
"Electrical failures have nu advan
tage over nil kin-,1s." .
"In what way!"
"They can always furnish a current
excuse." Baltimore Amerlcan.t '
' :'. Chill. ' "
Gladys Isn't this autumn air delight
ful? ' "
Harold Not much, It reminds me
that I've got to get a new overcoat
Detroit Tribune.
SUNDAY ,
Monday ...
Tuesday ...
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SUNDAY 15
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Tuesday 17
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Thursday
Friday 27
Saturday ,,
SUNDAY 29
h.m.
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ft.
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P. M.
h.m. j ft
6:06
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NOVEMBER, 1908.
Low Water. ,
Date.
A M.
P. M.
h.m.
7.S BUJNUAV ...... 1 ..
7 0 Monaay ......... 2 i:u4
7,1 Tuesday 3 2:15
7.B Wednesday 4 3:20
7 01 l iiursuay 01 mi
g.O Fnuay s 5:08
saturaay ....... 7 s:w
9.5 SUNDAY 8 6:42
9,5 Monday 9 7:22
at Tuesday 10 8:00
s 9 Wednesday 11 8:42
g (Thursday 12 9:26
7.7 Friday ...1310:16
7.1 Saturday .14 11:16
a a SUNDAY 15 ...
g jlMonday ...... ...16 0:28
a 1 (Tuesday ..17 1:22
I JlWednesday ...j.38 2:171
i'i'Thursday 19 8:12
II Friday 20 4:05
,'o Saturday 21 4:52
j SUNDAY. 22 6:34
'i'ilMonday ...23 6:14
i' Tuesday ...,.,..24 6:63
9 : Wednesday 25 7:35
5'J Thursday ..,.,..26 8:20
i JYlday ..........27 9:10
' Saturday .......2810:08
SUNDAY 2911:171
7,9 Monday ... 30...
0.8
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12:361
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3.7
Sherman Transfer Co,
HENRY SHERMAN, Kanajer. f
413 Commercial Street.
Mala Pfcon 1
ft
1.91
8.61
J f Hacks, Carriages-Baggage Checked and Transferred-Tiucki and FuraitMr.
1-8 Wann Piano. Mnvt Tl.A CVJ 1 " urnirar
1.0 ... ''7". " ' "
0.21
-0.4
0.8 1 1I t f 1 1 1 ttttttt-T 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 I It t ttt 1 1 1 ri 1 1 4 S i I a a m a a
-u
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THE; TRENTON
i .
First-Class Liquors .andOCigafs
CS2 Commercial Street
Corner Commercial and Mth. . ASTORIA, OREGON
SUrai FOR HIE MI!
1 m
Monday 30
6:23
.7.3