TUESDAY, SEPT; 15
i Seizing the j
Opportunity.::
By J. LUDLUM LEE.
Conyrlghtud. I1KM. by Associated
A t . - t....
The Alders' week end party waa in
foil awing. The glrli, la dainty mus
llm or amartly tailored llnon suits,
lirer strolling about, with (ho men la
white flannel, making a charming
picture oo the grtn lawn and ahod
towy plana. .
. Mrs. Alder waa awliiglng lu the
taramock, punning herself tack and
forth with ber daintily shod foot,
awhile In a cosy armchair by her eld
at Fred Marshall peacefully amoklng
bin pipe.
"It atrlket my terdaut young bralif,"
be began, "thafa it's about time those
two people were married, settled down
tod lived happily afterward."
He pointed to couple tn the a wing
ing aeat under the maple tree.
'arrMT b4 Mr. AtW. V
"Married" la the" exact and, I believe,
correct word," reassured Kred. "You
hould understand the significance of
the word, y dear Dolly. You're mar
ried yourself, tf I'm not mistaken."
"Why, Billy Richards would never
dare to ask atunning girl like Mar
tha Vandmook to marry him. The
Idea la preposterous!" aald Dolly Al
der aa abe gave herself a rtgoroua
push. '
"Want to Vet on Itr asked Fred.
"My dear boy, It would be like rob
bing the blind. Billy Richards is a
aort of tamv cat to Martha. You oau
generally Dud him purring to blinaelf
In some cortier, aud la cae the wauts
Mm he's vrry apt to stretch blmaelf
ii.ul emtio at hor bidding, but marriage
' iiiner!"
"I'll tsraut you there's aomethtng of
the feline fi him." aald Fred. "He's
"THAB 8 TBR fTOVB, ail. AMD HKKX'S THI
Blow and aure, but when be eves bia
oi portutiltj- he'll jump at It, all right,
aud probably land hla mouse. I'll toll
yon what,", be contlnued-"I'll wager
you els perfectly good pnlra of gloves
against a plot of half rousted peanuts
that they marry within six months,"
auggestcd Fred.
"Well, of course, in tljeso hard times
I cannot a.lurd to throw away alx pair
of glove." Mollleajulsed Dolly, "but,
frankly, I feel as If 1 wore taking
money from a child. However, thn bet
la on."
Harry Alder came from the bouse at
thla moment and went to tho rail of
the plum, scanned the various groups
of men and glrla and at last cried out
to Billy and Martha In their cosy
corner.
"I say, Billy Richards, It's time you
bad a bit of exercise, and I wish you
would run the launch around to the
public dock and get . the tauk filled
wltb gasoline for our afternoon fishing
irln." ho cried, with a merry twluklo
In his blue eyes. "And, by the way,'
Martha, would you mind going along
and seeing that be buys gasoline and
not other 1 spirituous liquors around
inorei hiuj a neen awiuuy hummh
mluded of late."
Billy stretched hlmsolf, and then
Martha aud he went down and loos
ened tho little launch Barbara from
her moorings and were soon ou their
bi npAiinA .th nnlnt tn thn nnhllc
dock. Martha made a picture at the
wheel while Billy busied hlmsolf with
the little engine.
"Billy Richards," said Martha, mean
while steering the little launch in and
out between the larger boats that lay
In the bay, "the longer I know you
the more stupid you seem to grow."
"Martha, my 'dear girl," answered
milv "men , with creiit minds sreat
thinkers-are seldom groat talkers, and
I'd have you to Know uuu oecause i
dou't flay things is no sign that I do
not think them."
Billy's ehoi't seemed to expand with
this statemont. Martha turned and
looked at him Incredulously.
"It may bo that I have done you an
Injustice, Billy," she said, "but as I
recall the post seven years I look, In
vain for any great thoughts, deeds or
speeches of yours. Surely great men
any something sometimes."
She let go of the steering wheel and
turned to Hce the effect of her sting
ing sarcasm. It was a bad move, for
i they had beared the dock, and the
Barbara struck bard, throwing Martha
down on her knees,
Here was Billy's chance to say some
thing rather pertinent, but be let it
puss, with the host of other lost oppor
tunities. Billy was a wiser man than
any of them thought.
The boatman made 'them fust to llu'
flout, and Billy helped Martha out as
ho gave orders to have tho lank flllwl.
Ho then followed Martha up tho run
way which connected the float with
the land. Tho tide was very low, and
the sandy ..bottom was easily visible
through the clear, shallow water.
Martha stared down at some large
black object In the aand. Billy stared
too. - '." ' " ""
"Why, It's o stove, Mortba!" exclaim
ed Billy. "Now, If we only Hud that up
hero on dry land we could go to house
keeping right away. Kb, glrllo, couldn't
wo 7" -
Martha clutched the rail..
"la this a proposal, Billy V she asked
In odd tones. '
"I guess It Is, dear-at least," said
Billy as ho put his sunburned hand
over hers, "I've been trying to ask you
for the past seven years, and now I've
done It all of a sudden, with the kitch
en furniture thrown in. What's my
onswerr - M .r ,. M'
Billy was eagerly waiting for tho
answer when a tall colored man dress
ed In black frock coat, white tie aud
rest and silk bat touched him ou the
shoulder. .
.. ,JTbarTs the atove, sir, and here's
the parson," and with a low, sweep
ing bow, hat In hand, he bent bis old
back before thorn., ....... .
The situation waa Irresistible, and
all thrf regardless of race, creed or
color( JoJned jn a hearty laugh. ,
'Tin afraid The otfdY aire Very much
against me," parried Martha.. "It
would seem that the only , way out of
It Is for nie to say 'Yea. , Let'a go
home and loll Dolly." v M
As a rule, Billy was not considered a
eharltsblo man, but be turned to the
old colored preacher who had bolpcd
to shape bis destiny and banded him
a crisp yellow backed bill.
"Treat the congregation to popcorn
and lemonade, won't your be aald as
be followed Martha down the runway.
They were soon rounding the point,
and In great glee they landed at the
Alders' float. The house party await
ed them on the piazza; Billy helped ;
Martha across the lawn, over many
Imaglnary stones and up the steps.
His face bad taken on a boyish look,
while Martha was more beautiful
than ever. ,
"I wish 1 had a lemonade," sighed
Paul Westover.
"All right." said their host "What
will you have, Fred?" :.t
Fred glanced first at the young cou
ple, who .bad Just stepped on the
porch, then slowly turned and looked
at his hostess, Dolly Alder.
"I believe I'll take a lnt of peanuts,
If you don't mind." '
An Awful Mishap.
Two pusKciigera on an Atlantic liner,
oue au American and the other an Kng
llshman, did not exchange the farewell
courtesies when the steamer reached
ber pier usual between voyagers who
have occupied adjoining stateroom's
and hobnobbed during au ocean voy
age. A plausible explanation was
vouchsafed by tbe American.
During the voyage the Eugllsbman
persisted In fraternizing with the
American tn a most obtrusive and an
noying manner. Within two days of
Bostou the Englishman one morning
hunted up the American and found blin
lu apparent despondency, gazing sea
ward from the hurricane deck.
"Confounded blue this morning, old
chap. What's tho matterr And the
Bi-ltisher slapped bis companion on the
back.
"Matter enough," growled the Amer
ican, "Ship's, lost. Captain don't
know which way to steer. Forgot to
wlud the compass lost night."
The Englishman listened with mouth
agape, then rushed " off to tell bis
friends of tbe consequential mishap.
Evidently tho gullible Britisher was
"pushed aloug" for some time until be
found everybody guying him.
Osmosis In Medicine.
Osmosis Is the passage of a liquid
or a gas through a membrane. Some
times medicines are administered in
this way. But how far we are from
understaudlug tho details of this sub
ject as related to the human body Is
Indicated by some experiments of Tro
feasor Louis Kahlenberg. All attempts
to Introduce lithium salts Into the sys
tem by absorption through the skin
havo failed, and yet the same salts
mulco their way readily through the
mucous membrane. When the feot are
soaked In a solution of hydrochloric or
sulphuric acid, an alkaline reaction
quickly ' takes place internally. But
citric acid refuses to act the same way,
although both of the acids have a sim
ilar effect when taken through the di
gestive tract. Sulphuric acid, then,
has quite a different physiological ef
fect when It enters through tho skin
Instead of through tho mouth. Living
membranes net differently with regard
to osmosis from deod ones, and the
same membranes which behave alike
with regard to some substances behave
very differently. from oue another with
regard to other substances. ,
1 A Foe to Malaria.
That most anlmal3 have Eome
jlQc function to perform IA well known,
Now scientists claim that o specie?
of fish exists lu Anntrallau .f.e"
which feeds on the larvae of r.nsqiil
toes ami so reduces tUe props.-ts or
malaria. , It belougs to u family of
ulrorous or flesh eathis flt'h which Is
frequently, found la the. temperate tind
tropic zones and usually In almlloy
water. Very small In size, being only
about one aud a half to two Inches lu
length, It has, in the male, yellow tiul
black striped flns, while the eye Is of
a bright blue. The flus during certain
seasons of the year acquire yreat brll-Itancy.
THE MORNING ASTOIUAN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
SFCJGE DIVERS.
.US
Hardly a tingle Caphander of Trloefl
Escapes Paralysis.
There are a graat many varieties of
sponges, most of which are found In
the warmer parts of the ocean. The
bath sponges are chiefly obtained from
the eastern half of the Mediterranean,
where they occur at all depths down to
200 fathoms and are obtained by dlv
Ing, dredging or harpooning,
Writing In Harper's Magasslne, C
W. Furlong gives ao account of the
work of the Greek sponge divers off
the coast of Tripoli, In north Africa.
Attacks by sharks and dogfish have
gradually frightened away tbe common
divers, who dive naked wltb a piece of
flat marble and a line, and tbe Bold Is
left clear for the "caphanders," as tbe
men are called who use air pump, suit
and bolmet. M
Tbe greatest enemy of the caphander
la paralysis, hardly a single diver es
caping from It In some form or other.
Tbe great cause of this disease Is tbe
sudden relief of pressure due to tbe
rapid ascent, tbe dangerous symptoms
appearing when the diver emerges Into
the fresh air.
Strange a; It may aeemi a partially
paralyzed dfrer on descending Into tbe
waters recovers the use of his limbs
again, and bis circulation becomes nor
mal. To battle wltb this scourge tbe
Greek government has issued regula
tions as to the depths to which a diver
shall go and has also provided a hos
pital ship and a sponge divers' hos
pital on shore, -"vv vr-rr"f-
FREAKS OF RAZORS.
The Way ths Qrsln of the Blsdss Is
Semstlmss Reversed. ; '
The finest grades of razors are ao
delicate that even the famous Damas
cus sword blades cannot equal them
In texture. It Is not generally known
that tbe grate of a Swedish razor is so
sensitive that Its general direction is
changed after a short service. When
you buy a flue razor the grains run
from tbe upper end of tbe outer point
In a diagonal direction toward the han
dle. Constant stropping will twist the
stool until the grain appears to be
straight op and down. Subsequent use
will drag tbe gram outward from tbe
edge, so that after ateady use for sev
eral mouths the fiber of tbe ateel occu
pies a position exactly the reverse ;of
that which It did ou the day of pur
chase. - Tbe process also affects the
temper of the blade, and when the
grain sets from the lower outer points
toward the back you , have a razor
which caunot be kept In condition even
by tbe most conscientious barber. But
here's another curious freak that will
take place In the same-tool: If you
leave tbe razor alone for a month or
two and take It up, yon will And that
the grain has assumed Its first position.
The operation can be repeated until tbe
steel Is worn through to the back.
Strand Mflgnzlue.
Old Scottish Sanctuary.
The old sanctuary of the Abbey and
Palace of Qolyrood House, to quote the
full description, waa an interesting In
stitution. The debtor was free from
arrest during the week. On entering
the sanctuary he enrolled himself In a
formal manner and obtained a room
that is, if be could pay for It There
was a public bouse within the bound
aries, and it was not uncommon to
see tbe debtor in tbe Inn playing doiul
noa and bis creditor atandlng looking
in at the wlndc with wistful eyes.
The debtor was safe, and be knew it,
and the face of the creditor told the
same tale. Sunday being a dies non,
the debtor could leave bis sanctuary
and visit bis family, bot he had to be
careful to get back to Holyrood on Sun
day night Sometimes a debtor had the
temerity to leave on a week day, but
be did ao at bis peril London Globe.
The English of It
A lady, accompanied by her small
son, was making various purchases at
the army and navy stores In London.
The boy grew tired. ;
"Who are you buying those for?" h
asked.
"Why, for father," was the reply.
"Father in heaven or father in In
dia!" the boy persisted.
The lady mentioned the remark to a
friend, who, thinking it amusing, re
peated It to an Englishwoman at
church a few days later. The English
woman listened sympathetically. "Poor
woman P she sighed. "She was mar
ried twice."-Everybody'a Magazine.
The Problem Unsolved.
A story Is told of a young man In
England, a great chess enthusiast who
was so annoyed at his failure to solve
an apparently simple problem that he
vowed he would neither sleep nor eat
until the solution was found. He stmt
himself np in a disused room and was
found four days later by his relatives
terribly emaciated and out of his mind.
He spent a year in a lunatic asylum as
a result of his rash vow, and the prob
lem remains unsolved.
j No Enjoyment.
"This village enjoys the reputation
of being the birthplace of two mem
bers of the legislature and one con
gressman, does It not?" politely in
quired tho" sojourner within Its gates.
"Nope!" replied the landlord of the
Pottyvllle tavern, who was a pessimis
tic old grouch anyhow, "it Just has
It, that's oll."-Puck.
Adding to His Offanslvsneit.
The man who told us so Is always
doubly offensive If he comes around
after the arrival of our troubles and
tries to look as If he had forgotten all
about It-Cbtcago Record-Herald.
When a young lady and gentleman
have n controversy nbout kissing, they
generally put tholr heads together, s
WOT
uiuiiujiiiT-iiiff mm ii'i mil, it- nn. -mm : "mwi rr t loiniiiiinrMiiniiwiiil 1
For Bbe cannot help it. Women are
often cross, Irritable, hysteric, and
declare they are driven to distrac
tion at tbe slightest provocation.
. Men eannot understand why this
should be so. To them it is a mya.
terj because in nine times out of
ten tblj condition is caused by a
serious feminine derangement
A remedy is necessary which acts
directly upon the organs afflicted, re
storing a healthy normal condition to
tbe feminine system, which will
quickly dupel all hysterical, nervous
and irritable conditions. Such is
LYDIA E. PlMIUIAfTi'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND
The following letter serves to
prove this fact
Mrs. Mattie Copenhaver, 315 So.
21st St, Parsons, Kans., writes: -
For two years 1 suffered from the
worst forms of feminine ills, until 1
was almost driven frantic. Nothing
but morphine would relieve me. Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
brought me health and happiness and
made me a well woman."
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, nas been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera
tion, fibroid tumors, imgularities,
Briodic pains, backache, that bear-g-down
feeling, flatulency, indies
tion,dizzines8,ornervous prostration.
Why don't you try it t
Mrs. l'inklmm invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has sruided thousands to
health. Address, Lynn, Mass.
UU1N0WQUEI.
UK
ritn.
BmimIM tj
irtlUtioDl or krtioM
Of BHCOH HMtBvruwa.
p .a..-...... j rv . ..n.....
, KmMn,i.r I mmm . " ZT..
c. s. . i i ot al ,n ,"m "'I'T
Wtvi1! n.w.ntlbottlnM.7. .
CirvuUr tut on nauMr
Seeking the Light.
At a dinner during an Episcopal
convention at Richmond a young lady
sitting near the bishop of London said
to him: .
"Bishop, I wish you would set my
mind at rest as to the similarity or dis
similarity between your country and
ours on one poiut Does the butterfly
because the tomato can?"
Tbo bishop langhed heartily at this
vivacious sally. , Not so a young Eng
lishman of his party, who after dluner
sought bis host
"I waut to know, you know," said he.
"about that Joke of Miss B.'s. She
nhsked it butter flew because tomah
toea could Pray teH'uie what the
point Is." Llpplncott's Magazine.
A Thoughtful Tyrant
Major Dayford Thorold, second In
command tf the First bottolion. Duke
of Wellington's rcglmeut. had an odd
experience lu Matahelcland In ISM
when sent to restore order In a little
township called Gwelo. On arrival
there be found the acting commnndant.
nn ex-storekecper. In a state bordering
on delirium tremens. . m be bad bim
locked up. Tbe commandant, how
ever, managed to break out und make
bis way to the telegraph oflice. where
he dispatched the following wire:
Chamberlain. London:
Man here named Thorold questions my
sobriety. Who Is Thorold T Wire at once
to avert bloodshed.
English Army Horses.
Every horse In the English army is
uumbered and has a little history kept
for tt all to himself. The number is
branded npon the animal's hind feet
the thousands on the near hind foot
and the units, ten and hundreds on the
off bind foot. Thus the horse whose
number is. say, 8.354 will hare an 8 on
his left hind foot and 854 on the other
one. On what la called his "veterinary
history sheet" everything about the
horse will from time to time- be writ
ten. Londou Army Journal.
Something Comio.
Brownblggo (to waitress who has
handed him n newspapert-Ain't yer
got nothing, comic? I likes to have
something fanny to look at while I'm
a-heaUng. Waltress-There's a looking
glass straight in front of you, air. Lon
don Tit-Bits.
An Unhappy Outlook.
Prospective Tenant I should want
the studio for sculpture. Caretaker
Yes, sir. "Some of these Is rented for
that. There's a sculptor molding next
door, sir. Harper's Weekly.
Mutual Reluctance.
"Here la. ray seat, madam, but can
dor compels me to say that I think yon
are as well able to stand us I am." .,
"Polltenesn compels me to say 'Thank
you, sir.' "-Chicago Tribune.
Fisher Brothers Company
SOLE AGENTS
Harbour and Finlayson Salmon Twin and Netting .
McCormick Harvesting Machines
Oliver Chilled Ploughs
Sharpies Cream Separator '
Raecolith Flooring Storrett's Tools
Hardware, Groceries, Ship
Chandlery
Tan Bark, Blue Stone, Muriatic Acid, Welch Coal, Tar,
Ash Oars, Oak Lumber, Pipe and Fittings, Brass Goods,
Paints, Oils and Glass
Fishermen's Pure Manilla Rope, Cotton Twine and Sein Web
We Wont Your Trade
FISHER iJBROS.
BOND STREET
ft
B
Join Fox, Pres. P. L Bishop, Sec Astoria Savings Bjjuc, Treas.
Noloon Troyer, Vice-Prea. and Snpt "
ASTORIA IRON p WORKS
DESIGNERS AND MANUFACTURERS
- OF THE LATEST IMPROVED . , . .
Canning Machinery, Marine Engines .and Boilers
COMPLETE CANNERY OUTFITS FURNISHED.
Correspondence Solicited. Foot of Fonrtii Street
1 SUMMER DM
Unfermented Grape Juice
absolutely non-alcoholic
Concord........ 5oc quart
Catawba..., ......:.6oc quart
Welch's Grape Juice
Nips....:......... 10c
AMERICAN IMPORTING CO.
589 Commercial Street
,HIHMHMtttMMHHMtHM t iHIIMHI
I THE TRENTON I
t First-Class Liquors and 0 Cigars f
02 Commercial Street
Corner Commercial and 14th. . ASTORIA, OREGON
lIUIMIIIHHIIIHHIIIIItiHHIIIIIIIIimMMM
THE GEM
C.F.WISE .Prop.
Choice Wines, Liquors and Cigars
Corner Eleventh and Commercial
ASTORIA. - - . - OREGON
Schoo
And a full line of supplies. Tablets, Composition
Books, Pencils, Ink; everything that the pupil
needs at prices that will saye you money,
We have hired plenty of EXTRA CLERKS.
YOU WON'T NEED TO WAIT.
WHITMAN'S
Free Rulers
You want the best money can buy In food, clothing, home comforts,
pleasures, etc., why not in education?
Portland's Leading Business College
offers such to you and at no greater cost than an inferior school.
Owners practical teachers More Calk than we can fill
Teachers actual business men In session the entire year
Positions guaranteed graduates Catalogue "A" for the asking
I. M. WALKER. Pres. 0. A. BOSSERMAN, Secy.
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