THE MORNING ASTOMAN, 4ST0RI A, OREGON.
SUNDAY, MAY 24, 1908.
BOWSER'S ANNUAL'
Old Philosopher Goes Forth to
Hunt the Festive Rabbit.
PHONES WIFEY OF PROGRESS
Tittt Hep He's Pull of Enthusiasm and
His Trip Is Bound to Bt a Success;
ut, at Usual, th (JntxptcUd Hap
yens. Copyright. 1908, by T. C. McClur.
From the time lie came home to din
ner until bedtime arrived Mrs. Bowser
was putEled over Mr. Bowser's atti
tude, lie was good natured. He chuc
kled at Intervals. She looked up to find
aim grinning. Now and then when be
ttought he wasn't observed he would
Bit up his arms like one sighting a
can. She puzzled and bothered over
the matter all the evening, but asked
s questions, nor did she learn of the
Bttle scheme he had on hand until
Kit morning. Then at the breakfast
table he smilingly asked:
"Mrs. Bowser, have you any idea
natday this Isr
fs no day in particular as far as I
emembe,', she replied.
"It's a great day, Mrs. Bowser, n
great day. In fact, it may be said to be
mat of the great days in American his-
"I AM OUT HKBS IS THE COUNTRY."
stay. Didn't you observe anything pe
Bar about my attitude last night?"
"Tea, I did. You acted like a boy
that had found a cent on the street"
"And I felt like one. I was full of
anticipation. I was jubilant I was
wnthusiastlc. Today, Mrs. Bowser, is
the anniversary of my annual rabbit
Aunt Today I hie me forth to the an
imal slaughter, and at the same time I
teep my eyes open for the first spring
robin."
Ton mean you are going out into the
eountry to plow your way through
snowdrifts three feet deep all day and
ttxue home without having even seen a
UueJay?'K
"1 mean, my dear woman, that I am
going out into the country to shoot a
nimdred or more rabbits and have
neaps of sport. There is some snow,
tot that belongs with sport, and don't
you worry about blue jays. The ques
tion is. How many rabbits can we
Jake use of in the home larder? I
want to see the butcher this morning
as I go out and arrange with him for
nrfiat's left over."
"You are determined to go?" she
tvked.
"Nothing can stop me."
"Then you can send home about
.twenty-five rabbits by the farmer's
tram you hire, and the other hundred
m so can be left at the butcher's. If
nre get tired of eating our share I can
X?Te the rest away to the poor. Please
hoot them through the head as far as
joo can, so as not to muss up the
ieat You'll find telephones at almost
very farmhouse. I wish you'd keep
cue posted as you go along."
. "By George, but that's the way to
talk!" exclaimed Mr. Bowser as he
arought his fist down on the table. "I
utaought you were going to be mean
mid sarcastic about It Xow I can go
ifortb with a jubilant heart and knock
ver 100, 200, 500 of the plumpest, fat
tiest rabbits in the land. Yes, I'll tele
phone you every hour. It will be almost
aw if you were with me. Say, now, but
.we'll make this the greatest annual
ftrant I ever had, and rabbit fur will
ibe flying up and down this street like
(thistledown in a gale of wind."
Wifey Encourages Him.
; Mrs. Bowser had started out to be
sarcastic, but had ended in encourag
ing him. The wife v?ho sees that her
Jmsband is bound and determined
should fall in line with his ideas, naif
sn hour after breakfast Mr. Bowser
stood before her arrayed in his shoot
4bg suit, and he was in such good
spirits that she was almost glad to see
Sim go. He departed to take a subur
ban car and be landed among the
snowdrifts five miles away, and he
lad been gone hardly more than an
Soar when he called her up by tele
phone to say:
"I am out here in the country. Have
3ust met a farmer who says that there
ire niore'n a million rabbits a mile
(farther on. He says he never saw
such plump, fat rabbits; says they
Just wait for you to shoot 'em. I ar
ranged with the butcher to take seventy-five,
but you can send word over
that I'll make it 200. It's glorious out
ilere. Goodby."-
Mr. Bowser had indeed met a farm
er on the highway, and the farmer bad
told him as above. He was a gun!
hearted farmer and also a good
He hadn't seen a rabbit all
i . . . .j -.
nut ne leit ue ougnt to encourage
man that had come six miles on an
annual hunt. An hour after the first
telephone 'message came the second ar
rived. Mr. Bowser said:
"The million rabbits had all gone by
the time I got to the spot; but, oh, you
ought to see the tracks left behind
aucn large tracks, such generous
tracks, so many tracks! I am at n
farmhouse where the farmer says that
ho has made a hundred dollars a week
this season shooting rabbits. Ho isn't
ft bit jealous of me. He says for me to
go ahead and shoot a thousand If 1
want to. It's only out In the country
that you find such large hearted men.
Tell the butcher to make arrangements
to take at least 300. I am well and
happy and ntn now bound for a spot
where the rabbits for ten miles around
congregate to be shot The farmer will
hire me his team after the slaughter."
The reason Mr. Bowser wasn't heart!
of again for the next two hours was
because he was looking for the spot of
"congregation. In looking for this he
had to plow through a piece of woods,
skirt a marsh and cross three open
fields where the snow lay two feet
deep. Once In making this Journey he
tnougnt be beard a blue Jay cry out.
aud again he thought he caught the
noise of a woodpecker on a dead tree,
but he wasn t quite sure In either case,
He reached the spot at last to find the
rabbits gone. The convention had met
and adjourned. He then walked to a
farmhouse and telephoned:
- "I was just too late again, but I have
lost none of my enthusiasm. Annual
rabbit hunt is bound to be a success
The rabbit is a shy, coy cuss, but so Is
Bowser. Have Just had a bite to eat
at a farmhouse. The farmer's wife
says that she counted more than 2.0(H),
wu in one drove the other day. She
says that the great thing In rabbit
hunting Is perseverance. I am now
about to beat up a piece of woodland
where a hunter from the city loaded
four wagons in an hour the other day.
I expect to load at least two. Tell the
butcher to make the number 500."
Hears a Strang Voic.
naif an hour later there was another
ring, but it was not from Mr. Bowser.
It was a strange voice that said
"Hello! Am I speaking to Mrs. Bow
ser?"
"Yes."
"Wife of Samuel Bowser?"
"Yes."
. "Short, baldheaded man?"
"Yes."
"la he out on his annual rabbit hunt
today?"
"Yes. Is anything wrong?"
"Thats what I wanted to ask you.
There Is a man wandering around here
who says his name Is Samuel Bowser.
He Is talking about blue Jays, wood
peckers and rabbits, and we thought
ne was loose In the top of his head
It s all right, however, if you say so."
"Has lie shot any rabbits yetr
asKed Mrs. Bowser.
Lord bless you, ma'am, he don't
know a rabbit from a red calf!"
ine next message was from Mr.
Bowser himself. His voice had lost
something of its jubilation, but he was
still game.
"Xo rabbits yet." he phoned, "but I
am on the trail and expecting to come
across them any moment: also to see a
robin. Have Just Ijeen talking with a
farmer who says that the rabbits must
have heard that 1 am out here, but he
tells me not to give up. 1 shall stick to
the trail. The rabbit is coy and cute,
but Samuel Bowser is coyer and cuter.
When I once get to work, the slaughter
will go on for hours. 1 may not be
home for two days. Tell the butcher
well you needn't tell him anvthlns
this time. He said be would be pre
pared to take any number up to a thou
sand."
There was one more message. It was
noi irom Mr. uowser, but from a
farmer's wife, and she said:
"If this is Mrs. Bowser, let me say
mat my nusoanu and two sons are
now chasing your husband across the
fields. He shot our cat and fired at an
old gander, and if overhauled they will
tie blm up and take him to the nearest
Insane asylum. If you knew he was
loony, why did you let blm come?"
M. QUAD.
ri CONFIDENCE GAME,
..I,.
It Was Boldly Planned and Suc
cessfully Worked.
THE VICTIM BADLY CAUGHT.
A Daring and Braian Smallpox Swin
dle by Which Two Cltvtr Sohsmsr
Flesced a Hslplsss Hottl Ktpsr Out
of $5,000.
A Woman's Way.
When a man goes out to buy a col
lar he comes back with a collar and
pernaps a necktie or two. When a
woman starts out to buy a collar she
returns exhausted with a new silk
waist, a pair of gloves, some skirt
binding, a cake of soap, a paper of
pins, some window curtains, a sewing
machine and a refrigerator. Mark
Twain in Tom Wood's Magazine.
A Wonder.
Bill Is he clever with his pen?
Jill-Very. Why, he can hold his
fountain pen behind his ear without
getting ink all over bis cheek! Yon
kers Statesman.
For a burn or scald apply Chamber
lain's Salve. It will allay the pain
almost instantly and quickly heal the
injured parts. For sale by Frank Hart
and Leading "Druggists.
For Rubber Stamps and Typewriter
Supplies see Lenora Benoit, public
stenographer, 447 Commercial street
WHEN ON SUNDAY MORN
YOU "WAKE UP" AND YOU
HAVE NO DRESSY MAKE-UP,
YOU SHOULD, ON MONDAY,
EARLY RISE AND TEND THE
" SALE " OF HERMAN WISE.
"I dare say you never hoard of the
great smallpox swindle," said the hotel
manager. "The facts of that remark
able affair were withheld at the time
for the most urgent reasons of policy,
aud even now I prefer to toll tho story
without uaines or localities. It hap
pened In tho full of 1880, when a cer
tain hotel lu a large western city was
crowded with tourists. One day at
the height of the season two gentle
manly looking straugers put up at the
house aud were assigned to what we
call a 'double room.' About a week
later cue of them appeared at the of
fice and requested a private Interview
with the manager. '1 regret to Inform
you.' he said after the door was closed
'that my friend is down with a so
vere attack of smallpox.'
"The proprietor uenrly fell out of
his chair. There was. known to be
smallpox In the city, and the bare sug
gestiou that the dlseaso had appeared
in the hotel was enough to empty It In
a twlukllug. To let the news get out
meant the loss of thousands upon
thousands of dollars. It meant the
. I . , , ...
ruiu oi i no season s uusiness. 'lie
must be quietly removed at once," snKl
the proprk'Uir, trying to control his
agitation.
'Removed!' exclaimed the other.
Taken through the cold air to a laza
retto! Why, man. that would be mur
der! I'll not permit It!
"The hotel keeper was thunder
struck. 'Do you mean to say he must
stay here?' he gasped.
" 'Certainly,' said the stranger.
"It was a ticklish situation. The ho
tel keeper dare not enforce his sugges
tion, while to let the case remain was
like storing gunpowder In a furnace
room. He pleaded, protested, Decreed.
threatened and blustered, but all in
rain. The man was firm as a rock. 'If
you attempt to eject my sic: friend,'
he declared, 'I'll publish your Inhuman
ity to the entire community.'
Finally it occurred to the distracted
proprietor to see first whether it was
really a case of smallpox, so be sent
for a physician, swore him to secrecy
and bustled him up to the room. The
doctor took one look at the disfigured
face on the pillow and reported that
the malady was there In a malignant
type. He advised the man's immediate
removal at any cost 'If you keep him
concealed,' he said, 'the disease may
spread, and It would ruin you for life,
You owe something to your guests
Again the proprietor interviewed the
friend, and again the latter refused to
budge from his position.
Where can I take him?" be de
mnnded. 'You know very well I can't
get comfortable quarters for such
purpose, and I won t have him butch
ered in a pesthouse to please any land
lord on earth!' The hotel man felt his
hair stand on end, but concluded to let
things stand as they were until morn
lng.
"Next day he sent for the sick man's
friend and asked him whether be had
any suggestions to make.
" 'Yes, he replied. 'I thought up a
plan overnight, which you may adopt
or not, as you like. As I said before,'
he continued, 'It is useless to try to
rent quarters for such a case. We
might, however, buy a small cottage
and take him there. I have figured
the thing up. and the total expense
would be about $5,000. If you are
willing to hand over that amount I
will take him away and assume all
further responsibility. I make the of
fer entirely out of sympathy for your
guests.'
"The landlord looked him in the eye
I, too, have thought the situation
over,' he said, 'and I'm convinced It's
a confidence game pure and simple.
I'm convinced there's nothing the mat
ter with your dear friend upstairs,
but I am also convinced that the
slightest breath of the affair would
greatly damage the reputation of the
house. As a business proposition I
consider it worth $.",000 to get rid of
you.'
"The other man smiled ironically.
'Call a cab and get out your money,'
he said, and Inside an hour the incu
bus had been spirited through a side
door swathed in blankets and driven
away.
!'As the landlord shrewdly surmised.
the whole thing was a confidence
game, and he learned the particulars
later on through n sport he had once
befriended. There was nothing the
matter with the rascal upstairs except
that his face had been pricked a little
with a quill dipped la croton oil, some
thing that makes a horrible looking
pustule, which disappears in a few
days and leaves no mark. I always
thought the hotel man showed good
sense in taking the course he did. He
was caught In a trap and took the
cheapest way out The bare rumor of
even a suspected case would probably
have involved a loss of $50,000 or $00,
000. It was far better to pay the $5,
000 and charge It to education." New
Orleans Times-Democrat
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The"KMLlne
PASSENGERS
FREIGHT
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FOR SALE, OR USE-The black
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tered at the barns of the Sherman
Transfer Co., is for sale, or for use.
Apply to John L. Johnson, owner, at
the barn. 5-6-3w.
DENTISTS
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
FOR SALE-REAL ESTATE.
DR. W C. LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St. Shanahan
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FOR SALE LOCKSLEY HALL
Hotel, Seaside, Or.; this beautiful
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For particulars apply to Mrs. L A.
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FOR SALE -SMALL ROOMING
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Enquire 154 9th street. ' 4-I0-tf.
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Opposite Ross, Htggint & Co.
Coffee with Pie or Cake 10 Cts.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
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First-Class Meals, IS Cts.
Steamer - Lurlinc
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at 7 p, m.
Leaves Portland Daily except Sanaa?
at 7 a. m.
Quirk Service Excellent Msals
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V
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prompt attention to all orders. Cor
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PROPOSALS.
OFFICE OF THE CONSTRUCT-
ing Quartermaster, Fort Stevens,
Or., May 4, 1908. Sealed alternative
proposals, in triplicate, will be re
ceived at this office until 2 o'clock p.
m., June 1, 1908, and then publicly
opened, for the rebuilding of a 3-inch
plank, or the construction of a maca
damized 12-foot roadway, approxi
mately 2850 lineal feet in length, at
Fort Stevens, Or. Plans can be seen,
specifications obtained and full in
formation furnished at this office.
The United States reserves the right
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thereof. Envelopes containing pro
posals -should be marked "Proposals
for construction of roadway" and ad
dressed to the Constructing Quarter
master, Fort Stevens, Or.
Seattle Fisb Market
77 Ninth St., near Bond
Fresh and Salted Fish.
Game and Poultrv.
Groceries, Produce and Fruit
Imported and Domestic
' Goods.
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Phone Red 2183 '
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Tea
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i
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jstomsb. liver and kUnn. imU rom.
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LAUNDRIES.
Those Pleated Bosom Shirts
The kind known by dressy men in
the summer, are difficult articles to
launder nicely. Unless you know just '
how to do it, the front pleats won't
iron down smooth, and the shirt
front will look mussy. Our New
Press Ironer irons them without
rolling or stretching. Try It
TROY LAUNDRY,
Tenth and Duane. Phone Main 1091
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. A. Hi
PLUMBER
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-AND
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. LL WORK GUARANTEED
425 Bond Street
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Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
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Phone 14 Farmers line.
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