THE MORNING ASTOItlAN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
SATURDAY, MAY 23, 1008.
TRIP TALKS SHOP,
What the Dilapidated Has to Say
About His Profession.
STRANGE EVENTS HAPPEN.
And the Moral Lesson to Be Drawn
From Most of Them In Hit Favor,
Says Knight of the Road Ha Ob
jects to Being Jailed.
; fOopyrlght, 1W, by T. C. McClure.
1 wouldn't go so far as to reconi
nrad the heir to a million dollar estate
to tarn tramp," said the dilapidated
gentleman as he pocketed the quarter
tendered him, "but at the same time
I wish to saj that enjoyable events
r constantly happening In this pro
fession. Perhaps the leading one Is
being suspected of murder. It has
happened to me some five or six times
la the- last eight years, and I now look
"get out of this jail!"
forward to It as a part and parcel of
tk season's programme.
"There has been a murder commit
ted in a city, a village or out in the
country, and the murderer has got
way. The murder may have been
for revenge, robbery, Jealousy or what
mot The first thing the police do, fall
ing to find the guilty party within a
few hours, is to lay the crime to
tramps. Their own records would
bow them that the tramp class is
icce clear of capital crimes than al
most any other, and yet the first in
stinct is to go for it The call goes
Jcth in city and village to round it
n, and country constables for fifty
miles around are warned to be on the
lookout
"I am plodding along a country high
way or taking a nap under a tree tie
tide the road when the heavy hand of
toe law is laid upon me. The constable
ary have five or six men at bis back,
all armed and all regarding me as a
cost desperate character. I am bound
fctnd and foot There is much rejoic
ing. The constable feels that he will
le nominated for sheriff next time,
and? those with him know they will be
regarded as heroes for some time to
tome. T am told that I am a red
landed murderer and that if I so much
as raise a finger I shall have my brains
Wown into the next county.
The procession heads for the county
jail and makes a triumphal entry into
the town; Everybody turns out to see
and to ask questions. The constable
and his assistants are almost carried
round on the shoulders of the mob. A
aoom sets in, and real estate Jumps 25
per cent It is hours before the excite
aient abates. The telephone and the
Jtlegraph spread the news all over the
Kwntry that the murderer has been ar
rested; and the jailer wouldn't trade
pifcees with the president of the Unit
ed States.
"Of course there is a mob of newspa
per men, and of course I am pictured
and described as a villain and all that
t)ar reporter' may not even get in to
see me, but that makes no difference
with his writing two or three columns
about the affair and giving my per
ianal description. People are let in to
pcie on a wild beast Not a man has
the slightest doubt that I am guilty.
"If I have been captured for a mur
er outside the county I am taken
tway after three or four days. If it is
in the county I am kept in jail until
Uie examination comes off. in either
event I live like a fighting cock. The
officials all defer to me. I get extras
with my meals for being a murderer.
Igot cigars for being a hero. Ministers
tall to see me, and now and then a
ibouquet comes in. I am informed by
She detectives and others that they
aave got a straight case against me
and then advised to own up and throw
myself on the mercy of the court.
That's where the laugh comes in.
One of Two Things Sure to Happen.
"In the course of a week one of two
things is sure to happen. The officers
tither feet the right clew and I am set
at liberty or I am arraigned for exam
ination. In the former case the sheriff
eomes to my cell and calls out:
" 'Here, you miserable old tramp, get
wit of this!'
" 'What for?'
"'Because I say so. You are dis
fharged from custody. Why In the
devil didn't you say you weren't
guilty?
" 'But I did.'
" 'Don't lie to me! Get out of this
Jail! A nice mess you have made of
it! People are calling me the biggest
ass In the state! Get a hump on your
telf r
nuu inv jcwia HKO IU u v. .
where I had lain for a week under
charge of a double murder, tho sheriff
kicked me as I left the Jail. I went
straight to a lawyer and had hltn ar
rested for assault and battery, ani ba
settled the case by handing mo $35.
"If I am arraigned 1 am given a law
yer. It's dead easy for him to show
exactly where I was at the date, or,
rather, where I wasn't. On one occa
sion 1 was at work In the hayfiold six
ty miles from the spot On another I
was chopping wood for a farmer sev
euty miles distant I am set at liberty,
but grudgingly. The public had Its
mind made up that I was guilty and
should be banged, and It's a disap
pointment to all.
"Let me tell you that the dilapidated
gentleman reasoned things out long
ago. He Is no more a crimlnnl by In
stinct than any other man. He doesn't
want to lose his life or his liberty. He
Is not greedy for gain. Not one tramp
In ten would quit the road if he got a
legacy of $5,000. Give hltn sufficient
for today aud the morrow may go
hang. He may bit back If you hit
him, but he has no cause to want to
murder any one. He may steal to as
suage hunger, but not for profit Now
and then you hear of some tramp rob
bing a farmhouse. He Is either uruok
or a fool. No pawnbroker will take
anything from him, because he Is a
tramp. No person will buy any of his
plunder for fear of being compromised.
The tramp with sense In his head
knows this, and If a dozen farmhouses
were open to him there would be no
temptation.
"Suppose that a tramp stole $25 In
cash from a bouse. If he struck a
town and went to buy a suit of clothes
he'd be suspected. If he went to a ho
tel and wauted to become a guest he'd
be suspected. If he even bought a new
hat or a new pair of shoes It might be
made the grounds for his arrest. How
would It profit him, then, to take the
money?
"I have worked for a farmer for six
weeks on a stretch and taken the road
with $30 in my pocket I have been
arrested a day later and bad to send
for him to prove that I wasn't a thief.
If I had a ten dollar bill In my pocket
I might walk 200 miles and not find
anybody to change it for me. I once
found a twenty dollar bill on the
streets of a town. I carried that bill
with me for four months and then at
last gave a tin peddler $2 premium to
change It He felt sure that I had
stolen It, but decided to take chances.
Tramp It Suspected.
"You see that a horse has been stol
en and a tramp is suspected. Bosh!
Where would he go with It? WThom
could he sell it to? You see that
country store has been robbed. It was
tramps that did it Bosh! What could
they do with their plunder? A post-
office Is entered and the safe blown
open. Tramps some more. Bosh!
When you find a tramp that can blow
a safe you may look for cows with
wings. The door of that postofflce
might be left wide open every night in
the year and be would pass on.
"inree years ago in Connecticut a
farmer's barn was robbed of fifty
bushels of oats one night His own
bags were used to sack them up. The
team used to draw them away was fol
lowed for six miles. I was within ten
miles of the site of the robbery that
night, and next day I was arrested as
the robber. I was held In Jail for a
week before being examined to allow
of the sheriff working up the case, but
when things finally came to a head
you ought to have heard the Justice
score him. He was a man of sense,
he was, and he made the sheriff out a
born fool within ten minutes. If I
stole the oats I must have stolen a
team to draw them away. Who had
lost a team? It would have taken two
men to sack and load the oats. Where
was the other man?
"Oh, yes, there are events in the life
of every dilapidated gentleman on the
road, and the moral lesson to be drawn
from most of them Is in his favor. He
does less lying than any salesman,
less stealing than confidential clerks,
and, as for immorality, your millionaire
Is convicted of It oftener than your
tramp." li. QUAD, j
To Republican Voters
AN OVERWHELMING majority of Oregon's
voters by registration have formally declared that
they believe in the principles of the Republican
Party. Let them now show that they are honest
by voting in accordance with their declarations. The
Oregon election comes before the Republican National
Convention. Let every Republican voter in the Second
, Congressional District uphold the honor of the Republican
Party in Oregon and strengthen the influence of Oregon's
delegation in the National Convention by voting for
H. M. Cake for United States Senator and W. R. Ellis
for Representative in Congress. If either of these Repub
lican nominees fail of election the primary election system
will be discredited and a return of boss rule will be invited.
The good name of Oregon's delegation to the National
Convention will be placed in a humiliating position. For
the effect it will have on the November election it is
imperative that the Republican nominees in the June elec
tion shall be elected by an overwhelming majority. As
a believer in the principles of the Republican Party it is
your duty to be at the polls June 1st, and vote for
Cake and Ellis.
SECOND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT
REPUBLICAN CENT'L COMMITTEE ii
E. H. FLAGG, Secy. W. E. WILLIAMSON, Chairman ii
....... ,.,.n,i. .. ,im. ,,,,,,. i
1-1. 1 . ml uiTll'tvVii I .l.i'll'M
VI
Most oi our ambitious young
American, girls work too hard at
school.
Many teachers have littlo or no
jiKlsrment nliout pushinir tt child
beyond her endurance. They ought
to Know that girls especially nave a
danger period. Often, too often,
utter physical collapse fa the result,
and it takes years and years to
recover lost vitality.
Many a young girl has been helped
over this critical ieruxl,anu been pre
pared for a healthy womanhood by
LYDIA EePINKHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND
Misa Elsie L I look, of Chelsea, Vt,
writes to airs, iiniuiam:
"I am only sixteen years old. but I
want to tell you that Lydla E. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound and your
advice cutvil me of sideache, periodic
pains aud sleeplessness, also of a ner
vous, irritable condition after every
thing" else had failed, and I want to
thank you for it"
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. link
ham's Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills,
and has positively cured thousandsof
women who have lieen troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera
tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, that Ix-ar-uig-down
feeling, flatulency, indigos
t it n,dizziness,o r ne rvous pros t rat ion.
Why dont you try it ?
Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write lior for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address, Lyim, Mass.
Exact!.
Little Mrs. Hunter had heard io
many Jokes about the brides who
couldn't market successfully that ihe
made up her mind that the first re
quest she made of the marketman
Would show her to be a sophisticated
housewife. "Send me, please,"- she
aald, "two French chops and 100 green
peas." Judge.
Ready For Him.
"Good morning, sir," began the long
haired visitor with the roll of manu
script "I see you've got your win
dow open. That's a sign that spring
Is here. Xow, I"
"No," Interrupted the editor, glaring
at him significantly; "it's a sign that
the spring poet la here." Philadelphia
Press.
Curiosity Gratified.
"Why do you chew gum?"
The young person addressed brought
her Jaws together with an unwonted
snap.
"Mebbe it is because I like to have
some business of my own to attend to,"
she answered, resuming such attention
forthwith. Philadelphia Ledger.
There Is nothing else "just as good"
as Kemp's Balsam, the best cough cure,
ami the other kinds cost just as mu?h
as this famors remedy.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
HELP WANTED
WANTED GOOD MAN IN EVERY
locality; good pay; experience un
necessary to represent large real
estate organization, write today. R. F,
Loos Co., Dcs Moines, Iowa.
WANTED BOY TO LEARN THE
printing trade. Call Aitorian office.
WANTED A CAPABLE COOK,
clean and reliable. Inquire of Mrs.
Samuel Elmore, at Grand avenue ami
Fourteenth. 5-19-tf.
MISCELLANEOUS.
WANT ED -BETWEEN JUNE 1ST
aud 15th, a furnished house for the
Milliliter; good, careful tenant. Ad
dress H. G. Smith, care Warren
Packing Co., city.
Cinemons and Roller Canaries, price
$2.00 each. Thone Black 2434. Ad-
lress 1765 Duane street. 5-20-6t.
$2.00 STARTS A FINE LOCAL
business, daily profits $5 to $10; par
ticulars free; write today. B. F, Loos
Co., Des Moines, la."
FOR SALE.
FOR SALE-CHEAP, 2 BOATS
and nets. Apply Astor House.
FOR SALE, OR USE-The black
stallion Prime Albert, now quar
tered at the barns of the Sherman
Transfer Co., is for sale, or for use
Apply to John L. Johnson, owner, at
the barn. 5-6-3w
FOR SALE-REAL ESTATE.
FOR SALE LOCKSLEY HALL
Hotel, Seaside, Or.; this beautiful
spot under the pines and overlooking
the ocean is for sale; best money
making property in the West; over
100 rooms; modern in every way,
For particulars apply to Mrs. L. A.
Carlisle on premises.
FOR SALE-SMALL ROOMING
house: partly furnished; must be
sold at once, parties leaving town
Enquire 154 9th street. . 4-10-tf,
FOX fiXHT.
FOR RENT ROOMS SUIT-
able for housekeeping for small
family. Apply Van Dusen, 119 11th
street. 5-9-tf.
CORNER NINTH AND DUANE.
Board $5.00 and up. 5-9-tf,
FOUND.
FOUND LADIES' BELT; OWN
er can have same by proving prop
crty and paying for this advertise
mcnt at this office.
HOUSE MOVERS.
FREDRICKSON BROS.-We make
a specialty of house moving, car
penters, contractors, general jobbing;
prompt attention to all orders. Cor
ner Tenth and Duane streets.
Do You Wear
Shoes?
We sell the kind, that wear longest
and look the best
The Dr. A Rccd
Cushion Shoe
We handle a special line of
Loggers' Shoes
Give us a triaL
S. A. GIMRE
GOOD SHOES.
543 Bond St., op. Ross, Higgins & Co.
TheVermont Dairy
I am prepared to furnish pure milk
and cream. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Phone 14 Farmers line.
W. J. INGALLS.
MEN AND WOMEN,
Dm Big CI tor unnatural
dl8ohrji,inflmniatloni.
Irritation, or ulceration)
of inuooua membrane,
CmIuIm. PainlnM. and not aatrln.
THEEvHSCHEMICItLCO. gent or polaonoui.
O.f! Sold bj DrunrliU,
m . fn nlaln arrant,.
f exprene, prepaid, tor
I On. or I Imttlea I2.TS.
Circular eeut OB rtxiuetf.
lalletdlTlX
g Quer.nued M
it" 1
K ,1
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
ATTORNEYS ALL AW "
CHARLES H. ABERCROMBIE
Attorncy-at-Law
City Attorney Offices: City IU1I
JOHN C, McCUE
Attcrney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney.
Page Building Suite 4.
HOWARD M. BROWNELL
Attorncy-at-Law
Office with Mr, J. A. Eakin, at 420
Commercal St., Astoria.
MASSAGE.
DOCTORS PRESCRIBING MAS
sage, call Olga Landen, Finnish
masseuse, Pythian bldg., Commercial
street.
OSTEOPATHS.
DR RHODA C. HICKS
Osteopath
Office Maxell Bldg. I'lione Black 2065
573 Commercial St.. Astoria, Ore.
DENTISTS
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
DR. W. C, LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St. Shanahan Bldg,
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
RESTAURANTS.
TOKIO RESTAURANT.
331 Bond Street
Oj posite Ross, Higgins & Co.
Coffee with Pie or Cike 10 Cta.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meals IS Cta. and Up,
u.
B. RESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cta.
First-Class Meals, IS Cta.
P
12th St. Below Commercial
Short Orders and Oysters at
All Hours. The Best the
Market Affords
Good Service
Fresh Oyers always on hand from
one pint o.
TONNIE THEAUDEAUS.
FISH MARKET.
I
5
77 Ninth St., near Bond
'Fresh and Salted Fish.
Game and Poultry.
Groceries, Produce and Fruit
Imported and Domestic
Goods.
P. Bakotitch & Feo, Proprs.
Phone Red 2183
MISCELLANEOUS.
HOT OR COLD
Golden West
Tea
Just Right
CLOSSET & DEVERS,
PORTLAND, ORE.
JUST A R R I VE D
Gold Fish
25c and 35c Each
Hildebrand & Gor
Old Bee Hive Bldg.
eatte
Fish
arm
UNDIBTAUXS.
J. A, (1IUIAUOII CO.,
Undertakers hihI Uiiilmliiier.
Kxporloin'o! liiuly Asslntunt
Whoa lHwrcrt.
Culls Promptly Attended Hay
or Night.
Tutton Ililir. l'-'tliundJDunneSU
ANTOItlA. OUK.UON
I'lione MhIii'JUI
TRANSPORTATION.
The" K" Line
PASSENGERS
FREIGHT
Steamer - Lurline
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Landings.
Leaves Astoria daily tacept Sunday
at 7 p. ra.
Leivcs Portland Dally except Sunday
at 7 a. m,
Quirk Service Excellent Mwdi
Good Berths
Landing Astoria Plavct Wharf.
Landing Portland Foot Taylor St
J. J. DAY, Agent
Phont Main 2761.
MEDICAL.
Uapnuasrt4
SuOOHMf tjf
on. gee m
THI GRXAT
CEIIfXSI DOCTOl
throughout the United
BUt on aecouat of
',13 wonderful nam.
No pofaoaa or draft umc. Ho ruiru-
teo to euro catarrh, asthma, lunf aid
inroai trouble, rboumatiim, Mrrousatsa,
stomach, Um and kUnirjr, ftmalo com
plaint and all ohronio dWam.
SUCCESSFUL HOME TBEATXEHT.
If you cannot call write for symptom
blank and circular, inclosing 4 ooaU la
stamps.
THE C. GEE WO MEDICIHX CO.
12 First St, Corner Morrfaos,
P0STLAHD, 0KE00H.
PWm mention tho Astorlaa.
LAUNDRIES.
Those Pleated Bosom Shirts
The kind known by dressy men in
the summer, are difficult articles to
launder nicely. Unless you know just
how to do it, the front pleats won't
iron down smooth, and the shirt
front will look mussy. Our New
Press Ironer irons them without
rolling or stretching. Try It
TROY LAUNDRY,
Tenth and Duane. Phone Main 1991
PLUMBERS.
PLUMBER
Heating Contractor, Tinner
-AND-
Sheet Iron Worker
LL WORK GUARANTEED
425 Bond Street
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Astor Street)
Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
month. Best rates in town.
P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
Prepared instantly, simply add boning-
water, cool and serve. 10c, per package at
11 grocers, 7 flavor, ReluiealliubiUtutei.
KM
MONTGOMERY
"mi 111 ntrimmttwmwnrtrim- i if inr