the Woman Detective.
h O
. f tOrlalnal.1 f
Thi couple you have been shadow
tog," said the chler of detective to his
subordinate, a woman, fulfills all the
conditions to make them the pair we
tie after that la, If they are newly
married." i
"They have been married about three
weeks."
"How do you know thatT
"Well, I saw the wife pour out
lass of water, drink halt of It and
set the tumbler down on the sideboard.
The husband drank the other half."
"Welir :
"If they had been married, say,
year, he would have thrown out what
. the had left In the glass and filled It
again for himself." ..i,, i;-.v:-
"Hm! And It) they had been mar
ried several yearsr
"He would probably have rinsed the
glass." '
"Very good. I think yen have In
yoa the elements of a born detective.
It Is quite possible they are the couple
we are looking for. But there are evl
deuces that the man and woman re
ported by Bingham may also fulfill the
conditions." ' t
They have been married some time.
"What makes you think sot"
"I saw them myself at the breakfast
table In a hotel He read his morning
paper, while she sat taking In the cos
tames of the other women In the room
When they arose she pnt on her own
wraps. No groom would have done
the one or neglected to do the other."
"Bingham never thought of that It
takes a woman to observe certain con
dltlons. This office shall never again
be without several of your sex for just
such work. But, to return to this con
pie you have lighted upon, the Gradys,
what other reasons have you for think
ing that they are in the third week of
the honeymoon?"
"During the first week of marriage a
couple are fearful of meeting some
friend to deprive them of each other's
company. During the second they don't
care whether they do or not During
the third they begin to pine for the
society of others. While I watched
my quarry suddenly an old friend of
the groom appeared.' - Grady's face,
which had been showing a bored ex
pression for several days, lighted up
with beautiful smile. '
"And the wlfer '
"Oh, she showed a bride's animosity
to an old friend of her husband. She
cowled at him. Nevertheless the two
men went otf together hilarious."
"Did you see the bridal pair when
they met again?"
"Tea. She looked at him reproach
fully. He tumbled all over himself to
get her back to a happy state of mind."
"Upon my word, you're very observ
ing. Where did you learn all this?"
Tm married," she replied Hi a tone
which, though modest, meant that her
answer was conclusive. ' ; t V -
He was evidently satisfied, for he
tamed again to his notes. "
"Bingham reports that his pair show
ed all the affection of a bride and
groom. The husband kissed the wife
when he left her in the morning and
again when be returned in the even
ing "Does be say that he kissed her in
the dining room, in the hall and in
the vestibule? Does he say that she
waved to him from the window?"
"Well, no; he doesn't say that"
"And that he went back for another
kiss?"
"Nor that either."
"Then why does Bingham assume the
couple to be newly married?"
"Right you are. I fear BIngbam is
not up to such delicate work as this."
"The question Is, Are the people I
have been shadowing the pair that left
N. on the 3 a. m. train on the 7th? It
Is known that that couple had been
married two weeks. I struck them on
the 3d. I have given you the best of
evidence that the Gradys have been
married but three weeks. Therefore
that one condition is fulfilled; there
fore they are the guilty couple."
"Hold on, there! You're a genius at
observation, but I don't quite get on to
your logic."
"Do you wish a conclusive reason for
assuming them to be guilty ?'
"If you have one."
"Well, neither of them likes children.
I saw a sweet little girl approach them
with something to selL The woman
said, 'Get out!' and the man swore at
her."
"And your connecting links for your
inference?'
"It is possible for a man to dislike
children and be honest but a woman
who could turn against a dear little
child would commit most any crime."
The chief pondered a few moments,
then said:
"Ton have given me two entirely dif
ferent kinds of evidence. The first
showed remarkable power of deduc
tion; the second seems to me to be ab
surd." "To me the second Is all important
Arrest the Gradys. Tbey committed
the crime." 'l- " '' " 1 -
"Have you any, other reason for
thinking so?"
"No; I don't want any other reason."
'That will do. Ton may go."
The Gradys were arrested and con
victed. After the trial the Chief- sent
for his subordinate who bad shadowed
them and said to her:
"The reason you gave me for think
ing that the Gradys were guilty must
have bad some unexpressed connection
with other reasons. Can you explain
it to me?"
"I bad no reason except the one I
cave yoa." -
"And that was enough for your
"Quite enough. It would or should,
be enough for any woman." 1
a MASON BR AD STREET.
Ecsems, tetter and salt rheum keep
their victims In perpetual torment
The application of Chamberlain's
Salve will instantly allay this itching
and many cases have been cured by
its seu. For sale by Frank Hart and
leading druggists.
" DESIRE OF DlSTINCTToNr
Quaint Illustration of a Peculiar
Phase of Human Nature.
In "Doc Gordon," by Mary E. Wll
kins-Freeman, is a quaint Illustration
of a peculiar phase of human nature.
It develops with the visits of the two
doctors to their poorer patients:
James drove all the morning with
Dr. Gordon about the New Jersey
country. The country people were
either saturnine with an odd shyness,
which had something almost hostile in
It, or tbey were effusively hospitable,
forcing apple Jack upon the two doc
tors. James was much struck by the
curious unconcern shown by the rela
tives of the patients and even by the
patients themselves. In only one case,
that of a child suffering from a bad
case of measles, was much Interest
evinced. The majority of the patients
were the very old and middle aged,
and they discussed and heard discussed
their symptoms with much the same
attitude as they might have discussed
the mechanism of a wooden doll. If
any emotion was shown, it was tbat
of a singular inverted pride. "I had a
terrible night,, doctor," said one old
woman, and a smirk of self couceit
was over her ancient face. "Tea, moth
er did have an awful night" said ber
married daughter, with a triumphant
expression. Even the children cluster
ing about the doctor looked uncon
sciously proud because their old grand
mother had had an awful night The
vail of the two doctors at the bouse
was positively hilarious. Quantities of
old apple jack were forced upon them.
The old woman In the adjoining bed
room, although she was evidently suf
fering, kept calling out a feeble joke in
her cackling old voice.
"Those people seem positively elated
because that old soul is sick," said
James when be and the doctor were
again in the buggy.
"They are," said Dr. Gordon; "even
the old woman herself, who knows well
enough that she has not long to live.
Did you ever think that the desire of
distinction was one of the most per
haps the most Intense purely spiritual
emotion of the human soul? Look at
the way these people live here, grub
bing away at the soil like ants. The
most of them have in their lives just
three ways of attracting notice, the
momentary consideration of their kind
birth, marriage, sickness and death.
With the first they are-hardly actively
concerned; even with the second many
have nothing to do. There are more
women than men, as usual, and, al
though thewomen want to marry, all
the men do not There remains only
sickness and death for a standby, so to
speak. If one of them let really sick
and dies, the people are aroused to
take notice. The sick person and the
corpse have a certain state and dignity
which they have never attained before.
Why, bless you, man, I have one pa
tient a middle aged woman, who has
been laid up for years with rheuma
tism, and she Is fairly vainglorious, and
so is her mother. She brags of her in
valid daughter. If she had been mere
ly an old maid on ber bands, she would
have been ashamed of her, and the wo
man herself would have been sour and
discontented. But she has fairly mar
ried rheumatism. It has been to ber as
husband and children. I tell you,
young man, one has to have his little
footstool of elevation among his fel
lows, even if it Is a mighty queer one.
or he loses his self respect And self
respect Is the best Jewel we have."
I
FOUND,
FOUND A -PURSE CONTAINING
money; owner can have same by
proving property and paying (or this
ad. Enquire of O. F. Morton, 430
Commercial street. 2-26-3t
HELP WANTED FEMALE.
WANTED A GOOD STRONG
Scandinavian girl as chambermaid.
Apply at this office. ' ' 2-22-tf.
fox Kurt.
FOR RENT 2 UNFURNISHED
office rooms, near court house. 'In
quire 386 Commercial street, up
stairs. 2-7-tf.
FOR RENT 9 ROOM HOUSE;
corner Jerome and 17th streets.
Apply to Capt Ferchen, 330 17th
street 2-3-tf.
FOX SALE.
FOR SALE THE STOCK AND
fixtures of a general store located a
few miles from Astoria; very clean
stock, and will invoice about $7000.
Particulars at
WESTERN REALTY CO.
SITUATION WANTED.
SITUATION WANTED BY A
young lady of experience, position
ai stenographer; has own machine.
Apply this office. 2-5-3t.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW
CHARLES H. ABERCROMBIE
Attorney-at-Law'
City Attorney Offices: City Hail
JOHN C McCUE
Attorney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney,
Page Building, Suite 4.
HOWARD M. BROWNELL
Attorney-at-Law
Office with Mr. J. A. Eakin, at 420
Commercal St., Astoria.
DENTISTS
ONE HUNDRED-ROOM HOTEL
for sale; doing a splendid business;
sood opportunity for a first-class
hotel man.
WESTERN REALTYJZO.
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
FOR SALE ONE-QUARTER OR
one-half interest in a summer re
sort hotel doing a fine business; over
100 rooms and always engaged 'way
ahead.
WESTERN REALTY CO.
FOR SALE -THE FURNITURE
of a large lodging house; rooms
always full; low rent
WESTERN REALTY CO.
JOHNNY'S CAREER.
Much Wanted.
The following advertisement quoted
from a Boston paper of a date early In
the nineteenth century by Mr. Janson
in "The Stranger In America," shows
that the domestic problem Is not one
of modern manufacture. But what
mistress of today would dare to im
pose such conditions on the hindrance
In the kitchen?
Much Wanted: A neat well behaved
female to do kitchen work in a small
family in Cbarlestown, near Boston.
She may pray and sing hymns, bnt
not over the dlshkettle. She may go
to meeting, but not belong to the con
gregation of midnight worshipers.
Inquire at Repertory office, near Bos
ton. ,
A Natural Fortress.
In the northern, part of Madagascar
Is the most remarkable natural fortress
In the world. It is occupied by a wild
tribe who "' 'liemselves the People of
the RocUs. fortress is a lofty and
precipitous i j, U of enormous size, 1,000
feet high aud eight square miles in
area. 'Its sides are so steep that it
cannot be climbed without artificial
means. Within it is hollow, and the
only entrance. Is by a subterranean
passage. St James' Gazette.
The Same That Was Started by the
Cornell Widow. '
Sheer nonsense rhymes snd Jokes
without apparent reason or object are
frequently used to fill the pages of the
Cornell Widow. If anything more foot
less than the "Man of Ulcgtedorf"
verse has ever been written, the Wid
ow wishes to state that her bump of
credulity was Imported from Missouri
and must be shown:
There was a man from Gtegledort
Who. to save his barber's fees.
Would wot hi hair and tot tt free.
And when 'twaa frozen break tt off.
The Widow claims the credit of otIr
lnatlng the nonsense rhymes which
dealt with the cleverness and precocity
of the bright little lad who carelessly
slaughtered bis mother, father and Im
mediate relatives. These poems. If sc
they may be called, appeared In trie
Widow in October and November. 100(1
The same year they were collected and
published in pamphlet form under th'
name of "The Johnny Book." Johnny
started his career by "an tragedy" ax
follows: ,
Johnny hung his little sister.
She wai dead before they misted her.
Johnny's alius up t' tricks.
Ain't be cute? he's only six.
Next we find tbat
Johnny with his little az
Dealt hla brother orful wacka.
He don't care If mamma kicks.
Ain't he-cute? he's only six.
Later development of the little romp
shows that
John has gone from bad to worse.
Now hla father's In a hearse.
Smeared him with a load of bricks.
Ain't be cute? he's only six.
And so on until finally
-Johnny saw a buzzsaw buzs
Like a bikeand thought It wus.
Johnny's corpse Is full of nicks.
Ain't he cute? he's only six.
These verses terminated the Widow's
connection with John, but papers all
over the country took up bis instruc
tive and edifying career and pushed
it to a finish. Still another verse which
started In the Widow office and trav
eled all over this country and part of
others was the bit of "Eb and Flo"
doggerel. In this we discover that
Plo was fond of Ebenezer
Eb, for short she called her beau. '
Task of "tides of love!" Great Csaart
You should see 'em, Eb and Flo. .:.
By Itself this beautiful ' bit conld
hardly claim a place In a volume of
great American poets, but when it
traveled far and wide and received an
: extra verse at each resting place It be
came a pursuing nightmare. From
"Humorous College Journalism" in Bo
hemian Magazine. - '
DR. W. C LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St ' Shsnahan Bldg.
OSTEOPATHS.
DR. RHODA C HICKS
Osteopath
Office Mansell Bldg. Phone Black 2061
S73 Commercial St., Astoria, Ore.
BUSINESS DIREOTOEY.
RESTAURANTS.
HOUSE MOVERS.
FREDRICKSON BROS.-W make
- a specialty of house moving, car
penters, contractors, general Jobbing;
prompt attention to alt orders. Cor
ner Tenth and Duane streets.
HOTELS.
NORTHERN HOTEL
Astoria's Newest and Beat Hotel
leventViritfDuaneStreeti'"
Rooms, Single ,or en Suite, Steam
Heated, Baths, Running Water In
Every Room. t
Rates, 50c to $150; Special by
Week. Phone Main 3911.
MRS. J. COLLINS, Manager.
H. B Parker,
Proprietor.
E. P. Parker,
Manager.
PARKER HOUSE
4 i EUROPEAN PLAN
First-class In Every Resoect Free
Coach to the House. Bar and Billiard
Room. Good Check Restaurant Good
Sample Room on the Ground Floor
for Commercial Men.
- . ASTORIA, OREGON.
PLUMBERS. :t? vl
I
. II. MV!
PLUMBER
II UU
111
Heating Contractor, Tinner
' " ' j . : AND . - :
Sheet Iron Worker
ALL WORK GUARANTEED
42S Bond Strttt
TjTTOERTAlEM,
J. A. OILUAUOI1 tt CO.,
tUudertAkrt and Kiulialruera.
Experienced Lady Assistant
When Desired.
HOTEL PORTLAND
Finest Hotel in the Northwest
PORTLAND, ORE.
European Plan Only.
H. C BOWERS, Mansger.
FISH MARKET.
Columbia
'.'";',"' 'i ..I 1. ... .";!-...
Eestaurant.
3381 Bond St., Cor. 8th and Boaa.
First-Class Meals.
Reasonable Prices.
Our Special Dishes,
Noodles and Chop Suey.
Everything First-class,
YEE YICK, Manager.
TOKIO EESTAURANT.
351 Bond Street
Opposite Ross, Higgins & Co.
Coffee with Pie or Cske 10 Cts.
, FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meals 1 5 Cts. snd Up.
U. S. RESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cts.
First-Class Meals, 15 Cts.
FURNITURE.
Women the Greater Dreamers.
A Vienna doctor has published the
following figures:
Thirteen men out of a hundred as
against thirty-three women dream dur
ing their sleep. The number of men
who dream frequently Is 27 per cent:
that of women fs 45 'per cent As a
general rule, it may be said tbat the
weaker sex has twice as much tend
ency to dreaming as the Opposite sex.
The cerebral phenomenon under con
sideration ts absolutely unknown to 0
Makes a Difference.
A clrl who used to make all nnrt nf
fun of those who were poor spellers !"' cent- and 14 per cent dream only
Is now receiving three fat letters a very rarely- ' ' ' ' ' J'
week from a man who can't spell cor
rectly more than forty words alto
gether. But be has a big, nice bouse
and money in the bank and tbat spells
something to her. Howard (Kan.)
Courant
It seems idle to add tbat the same
doctor noted, what is perfectly well
known, that&lmost all our dreams are
suggested more or less directly by the
incidents of tbe material life of every
day. Boston Advertiser.
Hildetrand & Gor
Our clearing sale runs
the year through.
BARGAINS AT ANY TIME
467 Commercial Street.
MASSAGING.
Massaging
IN ALL ITS BRANCHES; WARM
baths if necessary; thorough com
petency is assured.
V MRS. M. HEYNO,
87 W. fond Street, Astoria.
LAUNDRIES.
' Those Pleated Bosom Shirts
The kind known by dressy men in
the summer, are difficult articles to
launder nicely. ' Unless you know just
how to do' it, the front pleats won't
iron down smooth, and the shirt
front will look mussy. Our New
Press IrOrier irons them without
rolling or stretching Try it ' '
' TROY LAUNDRY,
Tenth and Duane, ; Phone Main 1991
MONEY TO LOAN.
MONEY 'TO LOAN ON GOOD
security, at Scandinavian-American
Savings Bank, Astoria.
Money to loan on good security.
Scandinavian-American Savings Bank.
;r"".F.'I. pUNBAR !
307 Astoria Savings Bank Building
INVESTMENTS ,
Loans, Bonds, County and City ,
: Warrants.' , Agent State Land :
Board for Investment Funds
, . Insurance '
Resident Agent Globe & Rutgers'
Fire Insurance Co., of New York.
Seattle
Fis
n
77 Ninth St., near Bond
Fresh and Salted Fish.
Game and Poultry,
Groceries, Produce and Fruit
Imported and Domestic
Goods.
P. Bakotitch & Feo, Proprs.
Phone Red S18S
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Astor Street)
Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
month. Best rates in town.
P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
Calls Promptly Attended Day
or Night.
TaUon Ilrig. 1 lit baud Duaue 8ts
AHTOHIA. OKE.OON
Phone Main Ulil
BOAT BUILDER.
T, L. Driscoll
BOATBUILDINQ AND REPAIR
INO A SPECIALTY.
22nd and Exchange Stmt
TRANSPORTATION.
The" KM Lint
PASSENGERS
FREIGHT
i. ii." ii r'"i .. trt.ii i ti i . a ii is J .
MEDICAL,
Unpreosusated
, SuooMtee' tt
TEE OSEAT
CHUTES! DOCTOR
Who ' Is knows
throughout the United
u 6tatea on account of
s )
it ais wonatrrui
No poisons or drugs used. Be gauss
teee to eure catarrh, asthma, lung sad
throat trouble, rheumatism, scrvoueoesa,
atomaeh. liver and kMnar. female romfi
plaint and all ohronie diseases.
SUCCESSFUL" HOME TREATMENT.
If yon eannot call writ for symptom
blank and circular, Inclosing" 4 cents la
stamps. V ' -
TEE C, GIX WO KEDICnri CO.
162 First St, Corner Morrison,
PORTLAND, 0BZG0.
Pleas mention the Aftorlaa.
Steamer - Lurlinc
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Undines.
Leaves Astoria daily except Sunday
at 7 p. m.
Leaves Portland Daily except Sunday
at 7 a, m,
Quirk Service Excellent Meals
Good Berths
Landing Astoria Flavel Wharf.
Landing Portland Foot Taylor St
G. B. BLESSING, Agent
Phone Main 2761. '
TRANSPORTATION.
CANADIAN PACIFIC
TtMPRtst Line of th Atlantlo
LESS THAN FOUR DAYS AT SEA
' During the summer season, th
Empresses sail from Quebec to Liver
pool; fast and luxurious. Nine hun
dred miles in sheltered waters of th
St Lawrence River and Gulf. Short
ocean trip. Use this route and avoid,
sea sickness. ' '
Summer sailing lists and rates now
ready.""""' '
Apply to any Ticket Agent. or
James Finlayson, Agent, Astoria, Or.
transportation;
TIME CARD
Astoria & Columbia River R, R. Co.
aiMMiisBanaaisxMiisiiBiiM
.. ' Effective, Sunday, January 28, 1 90B-Pacific Tim,
4
a
9
00
11.40
12.01
lOK
12M
U.S0
p.m.
S.1S
B.BAI
fl 431
8.l
8.48
S.ftftj
S.U
0.18
0.88
S.80
a.ra
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21
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8fl
TM
10.18
10.25
10.80
.m.
p.m.
I.S0
8 io!
TO
8.20
8.85
8.28
8.20
8.80
7.11
7.20
7,261
p.m.
p.m
8.00
7. HO
l.m
7.M
8.07
S.1A
8.87
tM
9.50;
2
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8.00
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8.18
B 67
10.09
10.15
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10.61
11.80
11.66
U 15
TOR
13.44
12.M
1.00
p.m.
Xv.
......... ..PORTLAND?..
LiV UUHI.M
Ar.
GOBLKf ATt
RAINIKIU..J..H...,.
MAYOKK,..,., ......
...ouiNCY....:
bkanik junction..
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1V. ........AB'IUKJAI ...
Ar, WARRKNTON..
IV WABRENTONtTMM
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Ar WAHHKNTON I.vl
LV WAKBBNTONTTTAr
.....UHAKHAKT
1 RABID Kf.,
Ar....... HOLLAUAlf Lv
UIlM
0
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4
82
71'
7'
100
..AH loo
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1ST
118
118
lit
fi.m. p.m. a.m. a,m p.m.
3.16 lO.OO
10. M 8.40l K h
P 4 1 1 1
8.20 6.10
6.16 8.60 1 46 11.00 3.80
7.66 6. Ml 2.20 10.46 8.10
TM .TTi.io i9.87rie
7.46...., a.W 10.80 103
7.42 (.00 10.27 3.00
T-41 12.80 10.18..,..
7.8S 12.26 10.28 ....
7,28 ... 112.16 10.18
7.271 4.5ii.25ll0.1ti.M"
6 67 1.08 10.61 0 48,....
tM 6.00 10.45 .40 ....
6 46 4. Mho. 85 f.86.,...
.m. p.m.,m. ,m
Trains marked run dally. fTdegrapb Oilloe.
Nos. 26 and 28 run, from Astoria to Clatson TUarh
runs from Portland td Astoria and Clatsop Beach direct. No. 24 runs from
roruana io Asiona oniy. no,ju runs trom Astoria to Clatsop Beach direot.
Nos. 21, 25 and 29 run via Ft Stevens. No. 2.1 run. (mm ri,. tt...u
to Astoria and Portland direct. ' v i
Connections At Portland, with all tran.pnntinnt0i t n.M.
with Northern Pacific Railway Company. At Astoria with steamers for Sari
Francisco and Tillamook and Ilwaco Railway & Navigation Company's boat
and railway. . ')':!' ' ;.:: . ,; ; : s-, - a" ti i . ,
jugn iiceis som io ana irom nu points In the East and Europe. For
articulars apply to " . 1
O. B, JOHNSON, General Agent, 12th nd Commercial, Astoria, Or.