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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 6, 1907)
0- THE MORNING ASTORIAN, ASTORIA, OREGON. , SUNDAY, OCTOBER 0, 1907. SER WRONG AGAIN Goes Forth to Pluck Huckleber ries, but They Are Not Ripe. LEARNS HE IS MISTAKEN. It Takes a Farmer, His Son and a Dog to Convince Him of Hia Error Wifs la Right Again, but Ho Will Have Hia Way. I (Copyright, 1907, by Homer Sprague. ! The Bowser family hnd finished din jner and returned to the sitting room when he suddenly remarked to Mrs. Bowser: "Does that cook of ours know beans I when the bag's untied or doesn't she?" "Maggie Is a very good cook," was tbe reply. Tes, but it's the same old things over and over again. She doesn't seem Uo have any head to push along by 'herself or else you don't care for my appetite." "To what particular tning ao you refer?" I iv uie inv iuwuiii know I like a piece of pie after din 'ner. For the last four weeks we have jhad either lemon or apple pie. At lanch today at my restaurant I had the most delicious pieco of huckleberry pie I ever ate. I was so pleased with it at I took pains to tell the propri etor. He said that the pie was made from berries that had just come in." "Then he lied to you!" exclaimed (Mrs. Bowser. "Huckleberries are not Iripe till long after this, and you ought 1 to know It. They do not ripen In this "JUST KEEP AIiOKO THIS BO AD." i climate until July at the earliest Hi! ipies were made of canned berries, and If you think them so delicious you can vhave them twice a day from now W" 1 Called Truthful John. . "Mrs. Bowser, I have been lunching at the same restaurant for five years. I know all about the proprietor. He is 'called Truthful John. No one ever 'knew him to lie. Why should he He to me about huckleberries?" "I don't know and don't care, but he (certainly did lie. You can't find them at the groceries nor with the peddlers iShall I telephone the grocer to send oyer, a can?" "No, ma'am, you needn't I have a better plan. In the first place, you In timate that my taste ts bo depraved that I can't tell fresh huckleberries from those canned a year ago. In the next you deliberately charge a benevo lent and truthful old man with lying like a trooper. I cannot let the matter drop here. I shall proceed to confound you with the sight of several quarts of fresh huckleberries gathered with my own bands. When you behold them, see them, smell them, taste them, you will perhaps be woman enough to ad mit your mistake." "We have no huckleberries In the back yard." "No? now sarcastic you can be when you try!" "Then how are you going ,to show me?" "Easy as rolling off a log. I wltl get up In the morning and hie me to the country with a tin pall on my arm, and before noon I will be back with five or six quarts of huckleberries. I will furnish you with living proofs." "You will simply have your trip for nothing, Mr. Bowser. You lived on n farm all through your boyhood. Think, now! Did yon ever gather ripe huckle berries at this time of year? Aren't you thinking of something else early strawberries, for instance?" Knew All About Them. "Does a boy take a pall and go down Into a swamp and pick strawberries off of bushes?" he severely demanded. "No, of course not But" "There are no buts about It I have either got the taste of a jackass and can't tell fresh huckleberries from can ned or there are plenty growing in the country at this season. If I prove my case, I shall insist that you apologize to me and also write a note of apology to Truthful John. As I wish to read up on Alexander the Great this even ing we will let the matter drop right here and say no more about it" "But why not go over and ask the druggist and grocer and butcher?" per sisted Mrs. Bowser. "Because all druggists and grocers and butchers are Infernal liars," he re plied. "Why should I ask their opin Ion when I know? Not any. When Mr. Samuel Bowser knows a thing, he knows It and that settles It" There was no more to be said, and no more was said. During the rest of the evening Mr. Bowser's face wore a very determined and huckleberryloh expression, and he got tip in fhe morn ing to don an old suit and ask the cook to hunt him up a tin paiL "So you still persist?" queried Mrs. Bowser at the breakfast table. "Madam, did you ever know me to let go when I knew I was right?' he replied. ' "But to expect to gather huckleber rles this time of year!" "Urn! I do not wish any further con versatlon on the subject" A quarter of an hour later he was off with a tin pail on his arm. He had to pass three different groceries to reach the suburban car, but he reso lutely refused to stop and inquire if fresh huckleberries were in market On the car three different men asked him If he was going to the country to milk his cow, but he held himself stiff ly and refused to reply. At the termi nus he encountered a tramp who struck him for a dime. Mr. Bowser passed it over and then blandly inquired: "You must know the country here abouts?" "Like a book." "Perhaps you can tell me where I can find a huckleberry swamp?" MiU ADMIRE MISS EMMA RUNT2LER a pretty face, a good figure, but sooner or later learn that the healthy, happy, contented woman is most of all to be admired. Women troubled with fainting spells, irregularities, nervous irrita bility, backache, the "blues," and those dreadful dragging sensations, eannot hope to be happy or popular, and advancement in either home, business or social life is impossible. The cause of these troubles, hqw ever, yields quickly toLydia E. Pink ham's Vegetable Compound made from native roots and herbs. It acts at once upon the organ afflicted and the nerve centers, dispelling effec trallv all those distressing svmn- toms. No other medicine in the country has received such unqualified indorsement or has such a record of cures of female ills as has Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Miss Emma Runtzler, of 631 State 8t., Schenectady, N. Y., writes: "For a long time I was troubled with a weakness which seemed to drain all my strength away. I had dull headaches, was nervous, irritable, and all worn out. Chancing to read one of your advertisements of a case similar to mine cured by Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, I decided to try it and I cannot express my gratitude for the benefit received. I am entirely well and feel like a new person." Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound is the most successful remedy for all forms of Female Complaints, Weak Back, Falling and Displacements, Inflammation and Ulceration, and is invaluable in pre paring for childbirth and the Change of Life. Mrs. Pinkham's Standing Invitation to Women Women suffering from any form of female weakness are invited to promptly communicate with Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass. Her advice is free and always helpful. T-g-n,oJMO'P"IVoi-MWIlJi''VlB,irf suu2utojfi)otspSjfudtut2utta4Q-li'l 'Silica reinsured lourcai 31BDII3P JjJSJOi ain 10 pooj'auiossjouM jsoui Sspiayud ui tpueqxa 'uopujnu paiaijuaouoa jo punod e si uouireg' 3pojg psojsjsJJ jo punod V ' 'Xiiiwib i3iif jo sq oj pasjinaenS are spooj) pgnireo ipos pauajMd 9AB3I Astrj JJopq jq3nw 'uosms aq jo uru 3DIOITJ 'lUSIfl JO 53ld 3tl pUB pjJOM 9fj u; uouires isaq airj-l-MAr eiquinjop aqi uIojj jjoouiio reXo pajped-Suuds si uowveii oojg paiisjjjj jo ;q Xiaig Tin "youfinrpTn? oTdiulS. Jost keep right along this road for a mile, and you'll come to what you are look' tng for." "And huekleberrjea are ripe, of course?" , "Yes, and have been for a week past. Yum! Yum I I turned Into the swamp this morning and filled up on 'em. Great big fellers there as big as the end of your thumb. You can fill that pall In an hour." Could Not Find Berries. Mr. Bowser whistled as he walked on. He also pitied Mrs, Bowser. He also determined that the note to Truth ful John should be couched in the most abject language. For once In his life he had met a tramp with some grati tude about him. After a walk of twen ty minutes, ho reached a swamp oppo site a farmhouse and plunged into it. Not a huckleberry greeted his vision, but he knew the traits of the berry. They remained in ambush as long as possible. He found mud and water and mosquitoes and files, but he was not discouraged. He said to himself that when Samuel Bowser strjick the trail of a huckleberry he was a man that never let up. He was still slosh ing around when a farmer came down from the house to the road and called: "Say, old party, what you looking fori" "Huckleberries," replied Mr. Bowser as he approached the other. "Huckle what?" "Huckleberries. You must know what they are." "Well, I've seen one or two In my time, but you are making a fool of the thing. In the first place, there is not a huckleberry bush In that swamp, and, m me nexc, 11 win oe weens nerore the berries are ripe." "I say they are ripe now." "Oh, you do, eh? Well, I say that If you are looking for frogs come right out o' that. They are my property. Huckleberries! Say, Bill, come down here. Here's an old Jay looking for huckleberries at this time 0' yearl" Gets a Beating. In response to his call his son, who was a strapping young man of twenty- three, loafed down to the road and said: "Dad, don't let him fool you. If he Isn't a frog stealer then I never saw one. Come out 0' that or I'll fetch you out!" "Don't talk to me that way," said Mr. Bowser as he quit the swamp and stood before them. "I am no frog stealer or any other stealer. I simply came out here to gather a few quarts of huckleberries to convince my wife that they are ripe at this season." "Then she must know that she's got a fool for a husband!" said the fanner. "I tell you they won't be ripe for weeks yet" "I'll bet his wife knows ten times as much as he does," added the son. "Don't talk that way to me or or" "Or what?" from father and son. Of course there was a row. Mr. Bowser did the best he could, but he was their huckleberry. They got him down and sat on him and called bun names and rubbed dirt on his bald head, and a dog also came down from the house and bit him, and when he got up to take the road home he was a wrecked man. He had thoughts as he limped along, leaving the battered tin pail behind him, but why humiliate him further? At midnight that night he let himself Into the house and passed the night on the lounge. When Mrs. Bowser came down In the morn ing and saw him she simply remarked that the vegctrtion seemed to be com ing on in a wonderful way, and be ut tered a grunt, and the huckleberry in cident was closed. M. QUAD. Explicit Instructions. Two New York girls recently were ordered by their mother to join her In a mining camp about a day's Journey from the City of Mexico. The girls were to travel to Vera Cruz'by steamer and then by rail to the capital, where their father was to meet them. As they never had been in that country before they wrote to their mother ask ing what sort of clothes they should bring with them. By return mail they received a breathless sort of an epistle telling them to be sure and start from New York by a certain date, butas to the clothes question, the only reply was, "Be sure and have your riding habits of the sort of brown that will harmonize with the atmosphere here." New York Press. The Meanest Man. "About the meanest man I ever knew," said an old time Clevelander, "was a man out at the edge of town that I used to pick cherries for when I was a kid. He objected to the boya eating any of the cherries, and he used to crawl around under the trees after we got through and gather up all the seeds he could find that we had dropped while up in the trees. Then he would charge us up with that many cherries." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Adaptable. A city man went Into a village store and asked for a pair of socks, size ten. The clerk said he was sorry, but they kept only one size and that was twelve. "What!" said the man. "You surely don't mean to say that every one in this village wears the same size sock?" "Oh, no, sir. But if they happen to be too long they pulls them up at the heels, and if they are too short they pulls them down at the toes." Lippin cott's. The Gentle Hint. Widow Do you know that my daughter has set eyes upon you? Gen tleman (flattered) Has she, really? Widow Certainly. Only today she was saying, "That's the sort of gentle man I should like for my pa." London Tatler. ......... ' - 0 .Double Program' STAR THEATRE WEEK OCT. 7 HEADED MY PROF. AND MADAME MESMER In their $1000 production of MADAME MESMER THpNaw PROF. MESMER Producer of more BLACK mystery and PSYCHIC PHEN0MINA xVivTL than any living man The only lady ex ponant of this MOST MYSTERIOUS Illusion. THE BLACK ART OF THE INDIES requiring the use of 30 yards of velvet, special scenery and electrical effects, costly costumes and stage paraphernalia, picturing the weird, incantatory and talesmantic scorcery known and practised in the Dark Ages by the ancients, showing the marvel ous reproductions of scientific yet seemingly supernatural exhibition of the greatest race of people the world has ever known. It is simply impossible to describe. It must be seen and then you will wonder, become amazed, yet pleased. All this in conjunction with an extraordinary good specialty show. A Certain Cure for Croup Used for Ten Years Without a Failure. Mr. W. C. Bott, a Star City, Ind, hardware merchant, is enthusiastic in his praise of Chamberlain's Cough Rem edy. Ilia children have all been subject to croup and he has used this remedy for the past 10 years, and though they much fearejjhe croup, hi wife and he always felt safe upon retiring when a bottle of Chamberlain's Cough Remedy was in the house. His oldest child was subject to severe attacks of croup, but this remedy never failed to effect a speedy cure. He ha recommended it to friends and neighbors and nil who have used it say that it is uncqualed for croup and whooping cough. For sale bv Frank Hart and Leadir.g Druggists. cr Morning Astorlan, 00 at per month, delivered by carrier. , OUR MOTTO " Perfection in Workmanship Promptness in Execution Satisfaction in Prices. That's'All" 4 '.vA School Shoes FOR The Billy Buster Steel Bot tom Shoes The Shoe with a Sole that Don't Wear Out S. A. G1MRE 543 Bond St., opposite Fisher Bros. W. C. LAWwS (SI CO. Plumbers S Steam Fitters Recognized Agents in Astoria for the jTHE AMER ICAN RADIATORlCo! THE G EM C. F. WISE, Prop. Choice Wines, Liquors Merchants Lunch From ' 1 and Cigars 11:30 a. m. to 1:30 j M. Hot Lunch at all Bonn ' 1 Cents Corner EJtreoth and Commercial AST0KU. OREGON FINANCIAL. First National Bank of Astoria, Ore. ESTABLISHED 1884J. Capital $100,000 T, Q. A. B0WLBY, President. tfHANK ' PATTON, Caahler. 0. L PETERSON, Vice-President. J. W. GARNER, A'j'stant Casata. Astoria Savings Bank Capital Paid in 1100,000, flurplns and Undivided ProflU 80,000 Transact a General Banking Business, Interest Paid on Time leposlta FOUR PER CENT PER ANNUM Eleventh and Duane streets. . ASTORIA, OREGON.