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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 6, 1907)
SUNDAY, JANUARY fl, 1007. 9 THE MORNING ASTOIUAN, ASTORIA, ORKGON. M. Clam Discusses American History. WASHINGTON. I'. S-. .1 in. 3 Wli it shall we think of nation that Is fickle toward her heroes'. Wo of Fruni'p. who thrill with passion wh it wp hoar the names of terrible French men of fame, what shall wo think of those Cnltod States, which forget so quickly? With aniasteinent I look tip on that procession of American heroes, escaping so quickly into the oblivion. Oblivion.' Hah! Those heroes are thrice fortunate if they nach the ob livion safely. Mary of them are pur sued with the hiss, the jeer, the e: of decay, the old shoe of contempt! In those rapid changes of heroes 1 see again the fever of America, the quickness, the impatience! The hero blossoms and withers In America with great swiftness. Always those Ameri cans cry to their heroes. "Step Lively!" If the hero stops one moment to smell the flower of popularity, it turns quick ly to cabbage, and rots at his nose! Those bands of brass begin always "Hall to That Chief," but the musk ends with that dirge most solemn, "Down Went M. McOlnty." One hero marches proudly with that band of brass, but soon he discovers, with cha grin, that he is marching ahead of on? fresh here where? Toward the grave yard! It is the quickstep of great Joy at the first, but at the last it Is the race to bury the dead! In America those people are always waiting for the moment psychological. No on knows when this moment will come, but all people know when It has ar rived. Instantly, when the moment psychological appears, those people tear down one hero and set up ore ot her. When the hero is blushing while those people frantically crown him with the laurel, one bystander feels the approach of that moment psycho logical and shouts: "That hero, he Is a dead one!" Then those people cry "Hurrah! The moment psychological Is here! It Is now time to change!" They begin to tear ofT those wreaths, and on all sides are mutterings. That hero, If he Is wise, instantly turns and runs to seek oblivion. If he Is foolish, and lingers with that smile of expec tancy, those people are Infuriated. They cry: "We are ashamed! The world will call us hero worshippers. Bring tar and feathers! We will show this hero that he stays too long! Get a rope! Is that grave ready! Why this terrible delay?" Tet I cannot learn of any hero who has been lynched. This to me Is the grand mystery. How does the hero escape the fury of those people? The law of the lynch, perhaps, is not for heroes. Perhaps that moment psycho logical passes too quickly. Perhaps those people have such excitement over the new hero that they do not remem ber to lynch the old one. I cannot tell. This is one other of those mysterl'-s i American. "Ah." my countrymen will say, "the law of heroes in America is most strange. What would happen if those heroes should come in one crowd, and riot in th? tegular procession?" Well! That is the reasonable question. I shall now make the reply. Those eo ple cm" in one procession bec-ius-they are made by those p-opto th-ni-selve-. Do my countrymen think 'hat one proud, civilized people like the A - merienns would have those re-roes to brutal na'ur-? No! They i-x-- w that law of heroes them -civ . They abhor the vacuum. When one h-r falls, ,,ne other i rai -l. Alwavs 'hey plan, for . , hep, Yet thos plans fo the lire- ot rcr, carry. In the times, of war. those peo ple have Ki'aiid exeit, iia tit, arid t..-ri they m;i!;e heroes too fast. Th'-y work very diligentiy tearing down old h-rnes yet in that frenzy more heroes are created. This makes confusion and dissension. Some people say: "This hero, he is the only ral one!" people say: "Those heroes an ones! Make the new one!" Then thos'r heroes become infuriated at one anoth er, and many people say! "Hurrah! Let those heroes fight! Let one kill the other, and we shall tear down the one who lives!" Hotm-times the iiuel--of heroes make terrible agitation until all escape into oblivion. But those peo ple laugh altogether, and say: "That was excellent excitement! Xow, who Is the next hero'."' Wh n those people ,,. not have pady one hero, they try to make the Ptesi dent one hero. Sometimes this is: one task most difficult, because those Presi dents know the danger to them if th'-y become heroes, once, when M. t'lev... land was the President, those pcopb beeame destitute, and said: "We have no hero to-day! We shall perh-h! Let us make one hero of M. Cleveland!'' But no, M. Cleveland fought frantically against this thing. What was to he done? It was the crisis. Xn hero could be found. At the last, one mn said; "I am willing to be that, hero!" This was M. Coxey, a brave man of the Ohio State. With wise emit Ion he made up one strong bodyguard of beg- (Copyright, 1906, by S. S. Cline.) cars who had ncihing lo lo-e but th life, and this is worth not much to anybody. Thus M Ooey marched to be hero until on other hero could be made, and then escaped safely. This was the only olm!ecr horn of Ameri ca. All those others wore made by the people. This Am. i lea Is most cruel to her heroes while they are alive. If one he ro is once safely dead, he need fear no more. But he must not permit those people to know that he Is alive. This is olio crime against the fresh hero. Many times thos,, Americans say: "When shall we nave' the groat novel American? Who shall write it? We have the groat anxiety to make the he ro of him." Kvery week these news papers rind one new novel, ana then they cry: "Here, at the last, is the great novel Ahierlcan! It Is "The IVv II 1'ish." by M. John Smith," Those people shout: 'Hurrah! Now we shall be literary? Quick! Give us that IWll Fish! Hurrah for John Smith, our hero!" Soon those newspapers say: "It is a mistake. The irr.vit t-ov-I American Is "The Green Oyster," by M. Thomas Urown. This is surely the great novel .mencan. oeeause It Is the tiest seller this week." These people beeom- fran tic again. They say to thorns, Ives: "Have you devoured that Green Oys ter, nan. iou are uohimi those times! It is simply grand! H-w glad we are that the American literature is so magnificent ! M, Hrown is the true genius!" In one week those newspapers say once more: "Forgive us, dear readers. We made the grand mistake. That grout novel American is not "The Green Oyster." "The Green Oyster" Is one foolish piece of botch-work. It is worse than the wretched "Devil Fish." That plot Is most ridiculous, and those characters are gross carica tures upon the human nature. Also, the book Is not one of those best sel lers this week. Yet we have now the good news. M. Julius P. Bolivar Mo Cabe. of the Indiana State, has Just completed that masterpiece which he began on the last Wednesday. He has decided to name this novel "H-r Third Divorce." We have read "Her ThlrJ Divorce" with unusual ease, and we pronounce it the great novel American. At 3 p. m. those department store re turns indicated total sales of 379.000. If that demand continues three days more this will make the best seller That moment psychological approaches. M. Julius P. Bolivar McCabe, Is about to become the hero! One corps of hacks Is now at work, and "Her Third Di vorce" will be dramatized by midnight. It will be given in matinee to-morrow by Messrs. Tabasco, Clawhammer & Schwartzberger, those great Var kee impresarios. These p-ople my. -.ha! Nobody can fool us ail the time! We knew "The Greer, oyster" was not the best seller, after we had read it. How could one common man narm-d Brown produce that great novel American? Does he live in the Indiana State" : Well, then! Has his book been stolen by the pirates' Xn! Very well; T.et us make the h"ro ef M. Mefiib-. Hur rah for "Her Third Divorce;" -,. shell now rr: i k-; the rush upon hov -h p;irt- : merit -tores." j AM. wimt -!' " -ks in v.-bh Is Arnei j, ,-, ... I think? t s e J, e.. i-t they di is fair 't liov ;aop,.ar Aiiioj'j- olT'Il e cue .-siy fii. At lo tho? if 1 say ;s thrie r 'hit;;,' does my hot ! I L'iv,. , intoxicatiii-,' Amen. I know not th lo'-t, difficult to keep u;, in I c lie,-, villi 1 lieS It ha I lav literature the hero? American. I blush! Who is lo I cannot tell' Already I discover that those millionaire-' are in danger. If one millio naire is caught by those people and Other mad'; the hero pst: It is the cariea dead ture. the mob of the kodak, the call for the rope! Always those millionaires try to escape to France, rmil the last Friday, M. Rockefeller, the most rich man in America, was safe, be cause thos- peop,. verf. In pursuit of M. I'ierpout .Morgan to make tie- hero of him. To-day M. Rockefeller ,s in hiding! He endeavors to prove that he is dead, so that in- may save the life! Those terrible kodaks lie in wait. T'jo e sheriffs an with them. What is -f. ltockefeorH crime'.' It Is to be too rich according to the law written. Thos,, murderer;; are not pursued by the kodak. Why'.' l:-caiise they obey that unwritten law. Yet if one man becomes a millionaire according to the written law, let him beware the lynch. Those people to-day shout with vio lence for M. Rockefeller lf, ,.ornr. ,,, That moment psychological has arriv ed. His time to be one eM, jH To-morrow, if lie is discovered, all will be lost! To-day I have the happy ioea to suve poor jic.h M. Rockefeller. Why should those millionaires suffer if thosp murderers escape'.' Instantly I seize the pe arid send t Iil. telegram to kefell I . t;.vker.dler. Hills p.., .mtii-o. Slates W hy do you not say i cam,' rich by obe lug that un - j law '.' I'll it would save on! That mob would tight for ou' I Ah, 1 iiao disappointment! M. Ibi We feller has not th coinage, His reply: "M. Clam. Washlugton: I have boon I the thorn once, It is too much. That j Unwritten law Is gtiod only for murder els. I prefer to remain dead. "KOCKKFKl.l.KI!.. . To-night those people ale looking for the new hero. Perhaps M. Hookeft Her escape. All those millionaires tremble. They say: "M. Koikrf' Her, he is the most rich man. Overlook us, and I.Mich him!" In the politics, It Is the same. Those heroes spoil quickly. In the last Ap ril when the San Francisco was quaked, Malre SehmiU did perform mar velous things. Those people did not wait. Instantly they made him the he ro. Those newspapers said: "M.ilre Sehmitz. he makes good! He Is the man of the hour, but not the man of the day or week. Soon those p uple of San Francisco became deadly sick. It was as If their hero was poison to them! He Mod! But soon he ret timet and gave up himself, Now those poo pie say: "Shall It be pop-sin or th,' lynch? We must dispose of this hero quickly!" In the France I read of M. Jerome, that terrible District Attorney of New York. Those tc wsp:ijwrs said. "At tht last w- have the permanent hero. This the only honest man, lie tells i those pipi they are asses. Is not that the truth'-' He says ... ,,i.ui honest. Is not this the word f one honest man? Hurrah for Hero Jer om"! All partlts are rotten. There fore let them unite on our hero! Those people said: "It Is all true. We are asses. We are rotten. Jerome Is right. Hurrah for our hero!" Thus all thest p-ople elected M. Je rome. But now -bah! Those news papers speak with cruelty of this ho nest man. He has that sleeping sick ness, yet those people are not polite to him in his distress. When 1 arrived In New York, I said: "I,et me now see M'. Jerome, the honest man of New York." My friends curled the lip at me! It was the sneer, tht contempt. I had humiliation. 1 said: "But why is It wrong t. look upon one honest man?" the reply: "Bah! M. Jerome was our hero two weeks ago!" He Is now the dead one. Do not speak of the painful things." I said: "Did he not call you the asses?" The reply: Yes. and he was right. That gives us the great pain now. Please do not talk any more." H-re. in Washington, are many men who weje one,, heroes. They hoi-emo very pale If they se,. the i row. I. Yet there is no danger -the croud does not know them now. If those hornet do not seek for troubD. they are safe. Hut there Is an unwritten law concern ing heroes, which I shall l.di to my countrymen. We remember that terrible war bc-tue-n thos,, (p. it,., states and Spain. With agitation in Franc I read of thos,. exploits When ,,-ad of M. Hol.xori -A, ki ahle.s' llL'll', die- heioi,-.- , i-it.x of h in ! :g that in. I ho if io el h.,i I Meuimac mid have . o.;i,an-.-,. ..... vi: h eino- I - ; ' ion : tion read la. lie kn. I k.-. 1 1 my ". 1 el lc ! I : 1 oil I'll - After, nheii ''I'iiiK American 'o ki--s him, he '. V.-i I ihoughi dear ('lam, you Hob-son." f -M. Hoi. of t!.o .- i Soil ' nloxi ies ahvav; .-y.-l-r-d am,, to v I'ra 'I h"P ti pain: "No, my 11 n v r behold M. sh; Very well! M. Jobon became tht hero American, and the,, suffered like them all. Those p.-opl,. became jeal ous when he was kissld by the ladles! With hatred they plotted against him. At the last, one malignant genius said: "Aha! I have it! I,e us send him to the Congress! Then he shall riot es cape the oblivion. He will be the per manent dead one!" "Hurrah!" cried those cruel people. "Hobson goes to Congress! Xow forget him!" One day, when I strolled along the Avenue Pennsylvania, not thinking of much- Mop Dieij! What should f see but M. Hobson! I ,ad agitation! ShMild I salute rn.v hero" waited. I watched. M. Hobson shiutik from those people. His wa that haunted look. Yes it was he! Impulsively I run toward him. My heart hopped. I cried: "Hunah for M. Hobson! Those people turned with surprise. M, Hobson startwi. I cried: "A Frenchman salut, .M one he ro!" M. Hobson became pap-. Those people mutlered. Convulsively, with extr -me agitation I embraced that he ro. He struggled with dillidenoo. With delight I kissed him on those check-". Thos,. people? Rail! What do I cure for I hum ',' One poll nan run up "( 'ome m. i;oi ' M. Pulled you be w l it 1 1 (Continued on Page 8.) CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING. WANTKD-A HKAMSTItFSS Foil plain and fancy sewing, a I "O dressmaking. I News from Want Adville HELP WANTED. AQENTS-CANVASSEU8. MIXERS. peddlers, solicitors, mall order peo pie. eta. should buy KRAMER'S IIOOK OK TRADE SECRETS. Regu lar p Ice IS, but bl. of last edition for 1 26 as long as they Inst. Guar anteed. Order quick. Sioux Pub. Co., Sutherland, lows, 11-25-tf WANTKD-SAI.F-SMKX. MANY MAKK 1()0 to $150 per month. Sotns even mora. Stock clean; grown on !terr vation, fur from old orehnrds. (h ! advanced weekl.v. Choice of territory. is I Address Washington Nursery Company, Tcpjienish, Washington." 9-2A-tf WANTFD TWO GOOD 8UB8CRIP tlon solicitors to work. First clasa proposition, good pay. Applv Astorian office. rWA NTED-- LARG E FIRST-CLASS house of twenly-flve years' standing, manufacturing a stnplo line of goods In constant and dulnly use, wants a good man to manage branch whole sals buslnens. Salary. $1,800 per year and all expenses, payable monthly. Also extra commissions which should amount to more than salary. Appli cant must furnish good references and $2,000 cosh, which Is satisfactorily se cured. Address President, (12 S. 6th St., St. Louis, Mo. MALE HELP WANTED MEN AND women to l-nrii watchmaking, en graving, Jeweler work, optics; eiy terms; positions guaranteed; money made learning. Watchmaking-Engraving School, H'.'fi Fourth avenue, Seat tle. It WANTKD i:Ni:iti;i:TI Tltt'ST- worthv man or woman to vmrk In I ureg in, r "presenting laig,. rri.muf.n - luring coiiipany. Salary JT,u to J '.Ml p,. month, paid w kly. Kxpfufi'S nd vanced. J. H. Moore, Astoria, ore. l--2t SITUATIONS WANTED. WANTKD- --POSITION AS i'.oOK kecp r, by a young lady. Address X. P. Paamlt, Knnkfort, Wash, lw WAXTFD- PoSITIoX AS I'HAM- b-tinaid, waitress or doing general I homework, chamber work preferred. i Address ";," A'-'orlan olllcc, or call j same place. 1 r.-'!t FOR RENT FOR RENT FIVE-ROOM FLAT. IN qulre at C. M. Cuthbcrth'a, cor. Com mercial and th atreeto. 12-8-tf FOR SALE. MILK COW FOR 204 38th St. SALE- INQUIRE! 12-30-7t WHALE AMBER. MADE IN NOR way, guaranteed finest ahoe Green ing out. Tour dealer handles It. Al fred Andretten & Co., Minneapolis, Minn. 12-18-tf MISCELLANEOUS. $25.00 REWARD I HEREBY OFFER a reward of $2.'.00 for the recovery of the body of my brother, (loo. Klein, who was drowned at Hllnd Slouch, on ThurHday, December 27. Communicate at onco with Peter Klein, Knappa, Ore. MORNING AST0RIA.1 It on Sale in Astoria at J N. GRIFFIN'S BOOKSTORE. DTZINGER'S NEWS DEPOT, OCCIDENT HOTEL OFFICE, FRED B"WN Both Storei 4 I0S. JAC0B3, CIGAR STORE. ITTI.K Hliter Wllkerson Was handy with the lined!. Tucks and darts and bruin and Iforp 8ho certainly could wheedle. Out of, Inlo, any goods, Sh always drossed most tasty. Brother Wllkerson, hit dlod, Pneumoniarather hnstyl t All the sisters of her church Kx oh tinged surprise end wonder, As to how she'd Ret along. She got along by thunder' Went to live In Want-Advllle. Where seamstresses were wanted. Never ones by poverty Was Little Bister haunted. MORAD. Advertise In Ths Morning Atorlan. PROFESSIONAL CARDS. ATTORNEYS AT LAW. HOWARD M. BROWNELL, j Attorny-st-Lsw. j Offio. with Mr. J. A. Eskln, st No. 426 Commercial St., Attorla. MU3IC TEACHER. WANTED -- TIIHKK M1SIC I'lTIIA Inquire at Astortan office. MAN1WUN LKKSONS UIVKN-MR8 C. I). Stewert, 127 'venta street. .1 "" BUSINESS DIRECTORY BOARDINO. TSC XJCTDE. Rooms with or without board; rates reasonable ; good aooora modation for trnaaiavU. Utfc and OommsreUi OtTEOPATHISTl Dl. BHODA C. HICXJ OSTEOPATH Office U an set. Bid Phone Black 2011 171 Commercial 8t. Astoria, Or. RESTAURANTS. FIRST-CLASS MEAL for 15c; nice eakr coATon, pie. or (loiichmits, )0. lit U . S. Rtfltaiir- ' ant. 431 lU)iul St JAPANESE COODa ! INEXPENSIVE ! JAPANESE FIXINGS, MADE OF BAM j BOO, LIGHT, STRONG, HAND MADE, TABLES, STANDS, CHAIRS, 1 WHAT-NOTS, BOOKCASES, SHELV j ING, ETC. Yokohama Bazaar (125 Corn rnerci St.. Astoria. HOOSE MOVERS. FRKDKRCKSON BROS We make ipecfalty of houae moving, earpenten, contractora, general jobbing ; prompt at tention te all order. Corner Tenth ud Duane. tf LAHNDRIES. BUTTON HOLE AT THE BACK. L' Your experience with it has no doubt lead to much vexntion, possibly pro fnity. Broke your fingernail trying to pty it up from the neckband, ehtj You won't have that that experienee If s; you send your shirts to uh; we save yon ! Ilritr " """" '" TROY LAUNDRY, Tenth and Duane Sta. Phone 199: J!!WtVjFn ilm lliit W feriiniiiitiiral art. 1 ... t ..... i!J e.ii ,n.. iiiwnu-..i .l it-iitjiiii.im er nlcniatfouit n.n io KTitut-, ,f ci 1: , , e , iiit'fiihritnM. rrMtnunn.iwi.it. I'niiiiMHh, fiml not UHtrlfi' UVWU'.:i-l-tA,.o. I mI. .-l.l. IV x.e-.HK.UIi. WMM.y t n. f.. a, er m'-iii. 111 piinii wnuipfli V.,.'...,- ,-- l-V "Mr .M'.-r,, dl mi ..! 1 I .-'II. x"..Ti WINES, LiytJONS AND CIGARS. TH1C SAVOY I'opuUr Concert Hall. Omul raule. All sre wsleoms. 0r ntr H. renth and Aitor. l:tlill-iil(iltllllll'llllllilillltlllllll)llt 4i0 BOND BT ASTORIA, ORIGOM Carries ths Flntst Lint of Wines, Liquors and Cigars CALL AND SEE US ..vM7i?i".Y;i.'iyiirr.i.i.r.yr.i.i.i. .r.r.i.Y.i.u Eagle Concert Hall 1.120 Aator St. I The leading amiiwnient house. Agency for KdUon I'honnftrspbe aatj Gold Moulded Iteootd. 1'. A. I'lCratSoN, Pros PaleBohemlan LaAer Beer" THE BEER FOR THE HEALTHY WEALTHY AND WISE oa draught and In buttlt Brrwrd tnArr Military ciimlltltms sad proitttiy ) right hcte In Artorla. North Pacific Brewing Co. ASTORIA, OREGON. 14 nnuN NO MATTKR WIIKKK IXX.'ATKI) ItoijIm and ihnlneaa of all kind toM United Ststra. Don't wait. Writs to- " vM-i. i ,. mil t m ' ' I ,Ut . 1 J fl I 1 i . a day danrrlhini? what vnn havn In mmi and fivt caah price on aam. IF YOU WANT TO BUY I any kind of llulnfH or Itenl FaUU anywhere, at any pric, write me your requirement. I ran aave you time asd monev. DAVID D. TAFF, THE LAND MAN 4i) Kinui Avenue. TOPEKA, KANSAS. DENTI8T6. I )u. VAlMillAN, Dk.viist Pj-'hiKii linililiiiK, AHlorm. Oregon. Dr. W. CJ. L( Hi AN DENTIH'I 78 Commorcial St., Hliuiialmn Huililinx Thk American Collection Agency ru fuu vluirged un let! collection 1 made. We make col lections in all parti of the United States. 413 Kansas Ave. TOPEKA, KANSAS. ANTHONY P. WILSON, Attorney HOTEL PORTLAND Fliea Hotel In the Northw.at PORTLAND, ORE. UNDERTAKERS. I I J. ' OILBAUOH ft CO., Undertakers and Embalmers. Phone MXn 2111. Cor. 12 and Duane. 11-4-tl Cirnilui unit uu iuuuui'