2
THE MORNING ASTOHIAN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
THURSDAY, AUGUST , looo.
THE
MORNING ASTORUN
Publibed Daily by
XXI J. S. DELLXNGEB COMPANY.
SUBSCRIPTION SATES.
By mail, per year .
By mall, per month
By etrrier, per month
I7J0O
.10
.15
WEEKLY ASTORIAN.
Bt mail, per year, In advance.. I1.00
Xntered u ircond-cUm matter Juo
B, IMS, at tbc poclofflce at Astoria. Ore
ctta, aider the aotofConcreMOt March!,
MfOnVrt far the dettmuur of Ts Moms
ma imuui to cither rwidenoe or dace ot
bmineae m; bo nude by postal card or
through toleehotw. Any trrefcuburtty to 6V
brary should bo tmmodktel; reported to the
oOc ( publication.
TELEPHONE MAEf Mi.
Official paper of Clateop county and
the City of Astoria.
,
Oregon,
Fair.
WEATHER.
Washington, Idaho
STANDING PAT.
Any bull-headed fool can stand pat
on some plan or platform that suits him
entirely; it take a man and a philo- his labor to us for new good, otherwise
sopher to adhere to that which is right, j he will not notice our influence.
THE NEW DECALOGUE.
The Astorian presents iU readers the
following new ten commandments at
especially revised to fit the mode of
doing buoiuesa which the large catalogue
houses have with their unwary patrons.
Thee rule as taken from a nuil-ordo
house journal, ami though prepared bv
an' imaginative writer, when carefully
chewed and digested, you will find that
there is 16 ounces of truth to every
pound of them:
1. You hall sell your farm products
for cash wherever you can. but not to
us; we do not buy from you,
2. You shall apply to your neret
city to aid you in building good roads
so you may conveniently get the good
from the depot that you buy from it.
for we do not build country road.
X You shall buy church bell and In
terior church fixtures from us and for
ward the money in advance, for this i
our business method and you shall col'
hvt from the bunnies men in your
vicinity s much money as you can for
the benefit of your churches. Although
we get more money from you than they
do, still It is against our rules to donata
money for building far-away churches.
4. You shall buy your tool from us
and be your own mechanic, in order to
drive the mechanics from your vicinity,
for we wish it o.
You shall induce your neighbor to
buy everything" from 'Was we have
room for more money the les money
there i left in your community, the
sooner we can put your local merchants
out of business and charge you any
prices we please.
6. You shall look often at the beau
tiful prices in our catalogue, so your
wishe will increase and you will send
in a big order, although you are not in
immediate need of the goods, otherwise
yon might have some money left to buy
necessary goods of your local merchants.
7. You shall have the mechanics that
repair the goods you buy from us book
the bill, so you can send the money for
simply because it is right. The Presi
dent is a fine type of the real stand
patter for principle; his honest stead
fastness in turning down the nomina
tion that might be his next year, is a
case in point, and demonstrates the real
meaning of the term. If he never figure
in the political engagements of the
9. You shall have the mechanics
that repair the goods you buy from us
book the bill, so you can send the money
for his labor to us for new goods, other
wise he will not notice oour influence.
10. Yu shall, in case of accident,
sickness or need, apply to your local
dealers for aid and credit, as we do not
know you.
The more men learn each is depend
ent to a greater or less degree upon the
country again, his example as an an
dacious and religious champion of things I other the better will be the results. No
that are right and good, will keep him man can live unto himself. Each mut
.forever in the eye and heart of the na- have the help and the good will of
ton. Mr. Roosevelt has builded a broad others. Seeking to "beat and down the
and stalwart platform for his party to down the other" can but result disas
stand upon in its newer contests, and trously ,in the end, to society as
ail it has to do ib to stand pat for the whole. Help, not hinder. It isn't en
scale and standard of popular legislation mities which help in life, it is friend
ne has compelled. He was the first to ships and devotion to fair play and
recognize the growing unrest of the com- justice that brings final good results,
monalty against the overweening sweep
of legislation in favor of the corporate
interests; and the departure he has
wrought must be followed up until
every vestige of "entrenched power" has
been qualified by minimizing legislation
that shall restore to the people at large,
- - I to that, wRl yo'nt ThVnelkfi flora wfll
think we are all belnjr tnurUwiwll"
Mr. Itowser'a vole had Improved to
much In a qnnrter of an hour that It
cotnu i uearu dear downstair. Mrs
Downer took Blanc from a front
ludow ami aaw that several ptioiili
bad stopped in front of the bousa
Then ahe climbed to th attic to glvi
Mr. Bowser word of caution. Sht
found him with coat veat and collni
off and the sweat standing out on hti
forehead, and he greeted her entranci
with:
"Hip, hip, hip! Hop-hlp-hophlp
Mary! Ma-ryt Ma-rt! Sam! 8am
PRACTICES IN THE ATTIC Bam!"
you anow toat popie art Itop
Bowser as
Ait Orator s
Pays an Elocutionist $5 to Gve
Him Pointers About
Public Speaking.
Neighbor! Think He It Gaxy and
CaO Upon the Police
to Interfere.
'Copyright. 1906, by r. C Parcella.
BOWSER bad smoked bta
cigar and read the paper when
arose and said to Mrs.
Bowser:
I shall be busy In the attic for the
next hour and do not wish to be dls
turned."
"You are not going to try and ride
that old bike around again, are your
she asked.
-If I am. what of itr
"Why, nothing, of course, but when
a man gets as beary and logy as you
are he shouldn't think, of fooling
around with bikes."
"Oh, I'm heavy and logy, am It I
have reached that stage where I ant to
be looked upon as a haystack on
wheels? Thank you for your flattery,
Mrs. Bowser."
"You know I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings. I just meant that you
are not as spry as you used to be.
AFTER THE LUMBERMEN.
The government h going after the
alleged lumber trust. All right; if there
is anything this country wholly ap
the ritrhts and nriviletres that have been ProvM of- jt fa the n,nninS down of 1
taken from them, or denied them. It is tru5t- and its noTit adjustment to
in the air, this eager demand of the lue e,,eral r ana
' I J A 1 J T At- 1 1 1
neonle for more wholesome and r.omtlar r"''1 "" " w lumbermen nave
laws, in which thy shall figure; there reached themselves and are doing
need be no mistake about it; the start ",e """" "S J l FP'e.
has been made bv the renublican oartv the government, jack them up with a
in the last session of Confess. Nothing Kmd turn and """I1 recognition of
on earth can defeat it if it will but ,aw and rint are as """""able
stand pat on such policies and their en- 89 any of the rest of the biS' Protected
actment into law. Anvthintr less means luu!re,ls' 10 l,,e e1u,u,;9 01 lne aav- ana
its total and lasting defeat!
o
they cannot hope to escape.
0 !
oooooooooooooooooo
0 EDITORAL SALAD. 0
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The two New York balloonatics, who
spent the night in an airship, didn't lean
up against the counter and sing "we
won't go home until morning."
o
The girl, who follows the president's
advice and keeps her eyes on the stars,
will be likely to stumble, unless she
has a firm hold on some young man's
arm.
Cuba has been free for nearly eight
years, and it hasn't done her a bit of
harm.
SETTLE IT TODAY!
The regatta committee needs $1500
more upon its subscription lists in or
der to enter upon the big task of pro
ducing a genuine, old-time regatta. It I The reform will not be complete until
must have this money today. The peo- every grocery bill is a pure food bill.
pie of this city must open up their
hearts and purse-strings within the next
12 hours, or renounce the festival. The
committee is made up of business men
who cannot afford to run back and forth
after individual subscriptions and do the
errand-boy act for days to come; there
must be a generous and a prompt recog
nition of the proposition at once, or they
must relinquish the matter. If Astoria
is to have a regatta next month, the
people of Astoria, by their contributions
this day made, will determine. If the
necessary amount is not in sight to
night, the popular amusement is all off.
Don't wait for the committee to hunt
you up; go after it, with your handful
of dollars, and give the men in charge
of the work, an idea of your purposes.
"To be, or not to be, that's the question!"
ine people are anxious to be re-
assurred, also, concerning the character
of the mincemeat.
"Shun soup", says Dr. Osier. Which
sentiment will be echoed by every poli
tician who has fallen into it.
o
A New York specialist says bridge
whist is responsible for much of th..
nervous prostration that is being re
ported.
-o
After a while, at the present rate
of progress, it will be next to impos
sible for anybody to make money dishonestly.
Then besides the embalmed beef,
there is the tomato catsup. You don't
suppose it was born with the "bright
red" color, do you T
A man who introduced an anti-kissing
bill in the Virginia legislature last win
ter has been deserted by his wife.
Serves him right.
"HAS IT COMB AT LAST, Uk'kvT
It you bad tried rjllcr skating tvtenty
years ago yon would have made a snc
cess of It, but now"
"Go ahead and say what you started
out to."
Jar Shook tho Iloaao.
"Well, when you tried It one evening
a few weeks ago you came down with
such a jar that you shook the whole
house and was unconscious ten min
utes."
"During which time you took advan
tage of my helplessness to rob me of
$2."
"I never robbed your Indignantly
exclaimed Mrs. Bowser.
"Perhaps It was the cat. I counted
my money as soon as I came to and
found a two dollar bill missing. I am
not going to the attic for athletic exer
else, however. I am walking to and
from the office these mornlnirs, and
that Is enough."
"Then why not sit here and talk?"
Mr. Bowser walked up and down for
five nilnuKs before he replied. It vu
evident that he wanted to trust Ber,
but he was also afraid of her. Finally
be said:
"Professor Zangwilly was in the office
this afternoon, and after we had talk
ed for awhile be wanted to know why
I didn't gd in and cultivate my voice
for public speaking and reading. He
said I had no voice for song, but that
as a reader, lecturer or speaker I
would make a great success. I have
often been asked to read and speak In
public, you know."
"And you are going up to the attic
to cultivate it?"
Garo fS For Pointers.
"I am. For $5 he gave mo certain
instructions to follow, and I am going
to follow thera. The first thing, as we
all know, is to get proper enunciation."
"Why can't we have the Sylvesters
over and play a few games of cards?"
asked Mrs. Bowser as a sigh escaped
ner.
"Are the Sylvesters and a few games
of cards of more consequence than
your husband's voice?"
That silenced ber, and after Mr.
Bowser had waited around for a spell
without receiving any answer he poss-
ed upstairs and to the garret. The cook
had gono to tier room, but In the course
of ten minutes she came down looking
pale faced and wild eyed and asked of
Mrs. Bowser:
"Has it come nt Inst, ma'am V
"What do you mean, Susan?"
"Has Mr. Bowser srone out of his
lead and become dangerous?"
Of course not."
ping In front of the house r she asked
"What tor? Hlp Hop! Hip! 8a
tan! Su-wtn! 8u-an!"
"Your shouting makes them wondei
what la solng on. Cant you lowei
your Tolce a littler
"Not by the fourteeu bonis ot tbt
seven sacred bulls of India!" be shout
ed. "I am In my own bouse, 1 anr
cultivating my own voice. If the gen
erai puunc uoesn't uae it tuey eaa
lump It"
"But you haven't got to shout at tbt
top ot your voice to cultivate It turn
your
!! Attracted by Nolto.
I have got to d4Atiat as the pro
fessor told me. I want a voice thai
can be heard all over a bnll holding
10.000 people. III! HI! UK Hot Hoi
Ho!"
Mrs, Bowser went downstairs and
left him at It, and she saw from the
window that the number of people had
Increased to fifty. The sash was
raised, and he board one man say:
I tell you It's Bowser. He'e been
off his rhttnip for two or three yean
past, aud he's finally become buggy
He otu-bt to be taken to an asylum to
night"
"Why dou't one of these boys go for
a policeman r queried another. "If that
nolso ke up no one on the block will
get an hour's sleep tonight
"Cosmo! Cosmo! Cosmo! Dick! Dick!
Dick! Dan! Dan! Dan."' came the voice
of Mr. Bowser just as the bell rang,
and Mrs. Howser answered It to Dud
a policeman on the steps.
Follcomaa Catla.
How long has ho been acting this
way? whispered the officer as be
dodged Into the ball.
"Do you mean Mr. Bowserf
"Yes, or whoever that is roaring out
like a mid bull. Has the doctor seen
blm and ordered blm to the asylum
yetr
"A-way! A-way! A-way! Heave bo!
Heave bo! Heave bo!" shouted the voice
cultivator In the attic.
"It Is Mr. Bowser, sir." said Mrs
Bowser with all the dlgulty she could
call up, "and be la not crazy.'
Then, mum, could I aak without
burtlu' your feelln's bow long he's been
on the syreu?"
"He is perfectly sober, sir."
"Then be must have rata after blm.
You can are what a crowd baa gatn
ered, and that noise must stop or I
shall lose thy job. The word came to
the station bouse that five people were
being mufdercd by a lunatic."
"Very' well; you can go up."
The officer found bis way to the attic.
Mr. Bowser was waving bis arma and
bending bis body and enunciating, but
after the ofDcer bad seized blm and
given blm two shakes he dropped voice
culture and there was a contest of lan
guago lusting rive minutes. At the end
of that tine the officer came down
stairs and smiled at Mrs. Bowser
ho opened the door to pass ont and as
sure the pciiplo that there was no cause
for alarm. The whooping bad stopped
for good and they could go home and
assure the'r families that no deed of
blood would occur. The crowd had
melted awry when Mr. Bowser de
scended. He atalkcd straight np to
Mrs. Bowser and hovered over her for
a long minute before be could speak,
Then bis "nunclatlon was perfect as
be said
"Woman, this Is your seventeenth at
tempt to assassinate me In the last
five years."
Downer Recent Interference.
"Yesr sLi replied.
"You were bound and determined to
have my vclce remain like the sounds
of an old fllu drawn across a coal scut
tle, and you gathered that mob and
sent for the police."
"Welir
"Tomorro'v we separate separate.
You consult your luwyer I consult
mine. The lead line has been reached.
Good night, Mrs. Bowser. I go to the
library to lo)k over some papers."
Mrs. Bowser went to bed, and two
hours later when be came upstairs she
heard hira f rowl to himself:
"Hang riofessor Zangwilly! If he
comes into the office tomorrow I'll
ounch bis head." M. QUAD
SOMEGFOURSPECIALfllS
Best Selection in the City at the Low.
est Prices
JAPANESE MATTINGS
Just the Thiuf? for the Floor of Any
Room; Easily Kept Clean
PREPARED WALL BURLAPS
For the Den or Dining Room. Made in
Beautiful Shades
A Large Assortment of Room Mouldings ant Plate Rails
B. F. ALLEN G SON
I It l I
The Art of Fine Plumbing
baa progreued with the development of the science
lanititioa ami we have
rice with the Improvements,
five you? Orb your bathroom
U old bahlo&cd, unhealthy kind f
If roa art itlU mint the "cloud In"
torture, of ten jretn ago, It would be well
to remove them and Initall in their tteid,
nowy white tUtmf Porcelain Emm
eled Ware, of which we have umplei
displayed In our thowroom. Let ui quote
you prices. Iiluitrited catalogue free.
of Ji
kept x?r. i.l
one oMM
I
I, A. Montgomery, Astoria.
1
Ell
SOITS GLEJINED MD PRESSED 50 CENTS JIKD UP
Steam Owning and Dying a Specialty. Special Attention Given to Ladles'
yWotk. All Work Called for and Delivered.
7a NINTH STREET
CARL BREON
ASTOm, OBECON. j
ASTORIA IRON .WORKS
JOHNiFOX.Prce.'
F L BISHOP. Secretary
I
Nelson Troyer, VIce-rree, nd Pupt.
aBTOKU HAVINGS HANK, Trias
Designers and Manufacturers of
THE LATEST IMntOVKD
Canning Machinery, Marine Engines and Boilers
Complete Cannery Outfits Furnished
CORRESPONDENCE SOI (CITED. 1 1 Foot of Fonrth Rtr,l.
I Weinhard's
LAGER
BEERxr
First National Bank of Astoria, Ore.
ESTABLISHED 180.
Capital $100,000
J. Q. A. BOWLBY, President.
0. 1. TETERSON. VIw.PresM.nt.
fRANX PATTON, Cashier.
J. W. GARNER, Assistant Cashl.r.
Astoria Savings Bank
Capital Paid In 1100,000, Bnrplui sod OndWIded Profit 155.000.
Tranwcu a General Banking Builnew. Interest Paid on Time Dopo.lt.
168 Tenth Str.et,
W V III IU 4TV J
A3T0KIA, OREGON,
Unprecedented
Success of
DR. C- GEE WO
THE GREAT
CHINESE DOCTOR
Who is known
Sherman Transfer Co.
I3ENRY SHERMAN, Manager
No poisons nor drum used. He guaran
tees to cure catarrh, asthma. lunar and
"Then what's he dolncr upstairs go- throat trouble, rheumatism, nervousness.
Ing lln. ha. ha! Whoon! Brnnnt RmmP stomach, liver, and kldnev. female eom-
and a hundred other words that there's P'aintg n(l H chronic diseases, r n,
no sense to?" SUCCESSFUL HOME TREATMENT.
"He's cultivating bis voice so as tok,",yo , , symptom
make a reader and a speaker of him- .u Vm 0,reumr' ,nci08,n cents in
SStStSi C- Checked and Transferred - Truck, and Furniture
nvuuwim kuicb, Wftoona Pin Tin. MMd T)..J -J ov. .
( O , v5y RUU DUipped,
433 Commercial Street
Phone Main 121
self."
What Neighbor. Won Id Think.
"I never heard the likes, but If you
ay it's so I must believe you. Hark
THE C. GEE WO MEDICINE CO.
1021 First St., Corner Morrison,
PORTLAND, OREGON.
Please mention the Astorian
m&vm
PORTLAND WIRE AND
IRON WORKS
USEFUL AND ORNAMENTAL WIRE and
IRON WORK of ALL KINDS.. 263 Flanders
St, PORTLAND, OR.