6
THE MORNING ASTORIA N, ASTORIA, OREGON.
SUNDAY, JUNE io, iooJ.
1 i
Brudder Gardner on
Signs and Dreams
He Invent! Something New In Thai
Line and Tells It to Limekiln
dub Members.
Cepyrl-ht.lS,by McClure, Phillips A Co l
fr'en's," said Brother Gard
ner of tlie Limekiln dub at
the lnt regular meeting of
that organization, "tie cull'd
Btan has bcn guided by dreams an'
Signs fur WO years past, an' 1 reckon
be will be fur 000 years to come. 8 luce
de organlzatlou ob dls club I has mad
eberal efforts to bring about a change,
but wldout success. Pe alverage black
man clincs to his dreams au' signs Uk
a dawg to a bone, an' all talk In oppo
tlshun goes Into one ear an' out at de
odder.
"Beln' I can't convince you dat dar
am nuffln in dreams au' dat signs dou't
count no mo' dan toots on a tin born,
I ar' gwine to gib you suntln' new.
Fur six months past I has been busy
lnventln' sunthln reliable. I has tried
'em all on myself an' de ole woman an'
my dawg as fast as turned out, an I
kin recommend an' guarantee 'em to be
depended on. When you have used 'em
nee you will take no odder.
"Brudder GIveadam Jones may light
two mo lamps, an' Brudder Sundown
White may crowd anodder soap box
Into de stove, an I will read my Inven
tions. V'btt Yob or Hear a Sign.
"When you see a crow fiyin' ober a
graveyard, look put. It means dat you
"WBZX TOTJ 8KB A CBOW rtTOt' OBKB A
GBAVKIAED, LOOK OUT."
am gwine to git In front ob a street
kyar de nex' week an' stand In de
thadder ob death. You may be killed
or you may escape. It all depends on
de color ob de motorman's hair. j
"If you see a black cat chasin' a !
white rabbit frew a yaller co'nfield an' I
a green dawg cuts In an' drives de cat j
np a purpie tree, go home an' take j
things easy. You am gwine to draw
$200 on your lottery ticket. j
"If you am woke up at midnight by
de howlin' ob a dawg under your win
der, an' just as you git up to frow a
boot at him de clock gibs a whir an
stops dead still, an' at de same instant
de baby gibs a w hoop wid de colic, you
might as well prepare fur de worst
Your brudder-In-law am gwine ter git
shot In disputin' ober a game ob crapa
an leab you to pay his debts.
"If you am lyin' on your back on de
bed in de daytime while your wife am
doin' de wnsbiif an' you hear what am
called de death tick in de wall, don't
innin n an' vM out. It's a fsifc'n dat
20MdeTeam in
fhr
tl. lt1
rrL -
MS
asm mm mm m w v vnuk1? m wwv tmiia ipv awtaw
v
When wcter is hard, it it Impossible to create a clcanaing- suda. The addition
of 20 MULE-TEAM "BORAX to the bath not only makee the cleaning proceat
more thorough but impart! a delightful smoothnesa and velvety whitenese to the
kin.
BORAX in the water, betides softening it and making it grateful to the
skin, removes the odor of perapiration ia a disinfectant and antiseptic; a
preventive and a purifier,
Ladiea ahould a'.wayi uie 14 JO-MULE-TEAM " Violet Boric Talcum Powder
after the bath. Beat for Complexion. Equally Beat for Baby.
All dealers ; free sample and illustrated booklet for 5c. stamp.
Address PACIFIC COAST BORAX CO., San Francisco.
Manufacturers " 20-MULE-TEAM " Borax Soap,
Boraxo (bath powder)! Boric Sp angles, Pow'd Boric.
I'reient address Pacific Coat Borax Co., Banon Uldg., Oakland, Calif.
de coal man am gwlue to seud you up a
ton ob coal free gratis to make life mo'
cheerful fur you.
"If you hid Ktttiu' on de douhatept
lu de suit an' yon hear a rooster crow
on your right bund, a dawg howl ou your
left an' a tuglout whistle ui front ob
you it am a sign dat your ole woman
has got a dollar hidden away lu da
house an' dat If you take her by de
neck you can make her hand ober.
"An'lf you nm look In' out ob de win
der durln a thunderstorm an' you
think you see red llglitnin' strike a
black boas jest as a white man am
looktn' out f'om behind u lavender bush
don't collapse an' fall in a faint. Dat
was considered a bail sign befo' we
roted ont de bosses, lust now It slf
nerflea dat white folks hab grown keer
less about lock I it' deir henhouse doahs
at night.
"If you au woke up at night by hear
In' a toft voice calllu' your name out
side au' you alt tip In bed to tiud de cat
glarlu' at you au a smell ob burnln'
feathers In de room don't waste a tum
ult 'teudlu' to blxuess. Wheu you raise
de winder you'll find a cull'd man out
dar who wants to borrow a dollar, an'
If you don't leud It to him some awful
calamity am shore to bapeu.
"An' If you nm standln' In de alley t
midnight wld au empty bag ou your
arm an' de smell ob fat chicken lu your
nostrils au' you think you hear de
footfalls ob an angel turn an' dig right
out ob dat as fas' as you kin go. pern
angel footfalls belougs to a pnlicctuau,
en' If he overhauls you he will make
embarrass! n' Inquiries.
"If you am swlugin' lu a hammock
under nu apple tree while jour wife am
spllttm' wood nn' you see a bobtal'cd
dawg chasin' a billy goat wld Muck
whiskers It am a sign dat prosperity
am comin' an' dat your ole woman''!
aoon be able to buy you a new Sunday
suit
"If you am gwlne out In de kentry to
look for work an' you see Be ben crows
fiyin' to '- west Jest as a cross eyed
man meets you an' asks de time ob
flay, turn back at once. Dar am no
arork fur you Provhleuce has planned
fur de ole woman to take In washln'
in' supiwrt de fam'ly.
When Ion Dream a Dream.
"If you am lyin' on your back, wid
your feet outer bed. au' you dream dat
de beef true' has redooeed de price ob
pigs' feet one-half lu order to gib pore
folks a show, you want to wake up an'
fit a buttle ou you as soon as possible.
Dat dream means dat de price ob ba
ton am to go up sky high.
"If you am lyiu' on de grass In front
ob your cabin on a hot day an' you
dream dat a man come along wld a
atchel In his hand an' stopped an'
counted you out $100 as a birthday
gift, prepare to be disapp'inted. De
landlord will be along befo' night an'
tell you dat if de back rent hain't paid
Dp widin twenty-fo' hours he'll set you
on de street.
"To dream dat while you am hldln
away in an old barn you see a farmer
murder his hired man fur eatln' so
much s'znerfies dat you am gwine to
ask some one to lend you a dollar an'
fall to git it.
"To dream ob standin' In an open
place in de woods an' seeln wood piles
all around you an' dat a man wld a be
nevolent smile comes along an' tells
you to take all you want signerfles dat
de coal combine will hold a meetln'
next day an raise de price ob coal an
odder half dollar.
"TO dream dat you got a divorce from
your old woman an' married a rich
widder an' took her to Niagry falls on
a bridle tower ain a pleasant thing to
Cream about, but dou't you go to chuc
klin' ober it. It signerfles dat your ole
woman am gwine to stay right by an'
make it hot fur you till you go to work.
'To dream dat seben bobtailed cats
am sittin' on your chist as you sleep
an' glarin' at you wid green eyes an'
dat your fam'ly b" bwn killed iu a
the daily bath clears
nnrpc TMTnf?e tU-
skin and quickens the
circulatioa
wreck an' your house burned to de
grvuud am oue ob de nicest things yon
klu dream. It Kiguertles dat you am
rwlne to tiud n ten dollar bill lu de
road wldlu two day.
"To dream dat you have Ikh-u elected
to office an' dat white men am tun
Win' ober tlelrsclves to take off delr
huts to you an' ax fur npp'lntments
brlugs a warm glow to your heart as
you dream, but you will wake up to
find a pollt'emuu miooktu' around de
yard an" lookln' fur heads, feet au'
feathers.
"If you sot down ob a wluter'a even-
Is' wld your feet In de oven ob de cook
atove an' fall aloep au' dream dat
you walked down a dark ravine an
aaw chunks of gold lyiu all about. dats
a sign dat de butcher hulu't gwlue to
gin you any mo' credit until you have
siiuaretl up de ole account.
- urea mm on angels am uebber
good dream. Ou de six occashuus I
have dreamed ob augels I have bad
row wld he ole woman next day, an'
on de last occasnun she hit me ober
de bead wld a hoe haudle an' left
scar dat will last fur life. '
"To dream dat you am dead ob liver
complaint an' float In' about on fleecy
clouds while de suu am a red ball ob
fire In d west slguerflea dat de ole
woman am gwlue through your pock
eta as you sleep au' dat she will 11
out ob It wbeu you miss dat half dol
lar lu de niawuln.
'To dream dat you took a coffee sack
an' set out at night fur a watermlllyon
patch a mile away an' dat yon got
five big ones an' toted 'em home to
find a ten dollar gold piece lu each one
la a dream so real dat you wake up
plckln' de seeds outer your motif. Be
ware, however. If you go arter dem
tnlllyona you'll bump up aglu a white
pan an' his dawg an' a shotgun, an'
you'll not only come home wldout any
fruit, but It will take a surgeon two
days to pick de blrdshot outer your
legs." M. QUAD.
A Cental.
"He Is a genius."
"What docs he do"
"Nothing."
"Why do you call blm a genius,
then?"
"Why, that Is the sort of genius he
has."
"What do you mean?"
"A genius for doing nothing, you
know." San Francisco Call.
Aavlre to ItraMnnrr.
"How would you advise me to pro
ceed In order to attract public atten
tion to my statesmauly abilities?"
"There are two ways." answered Sen
ator Sorghum. "One Is to read up all
the works ou political economy you can
find, and the other Is to remember all
the funny stories you hear."-Washing
ton Star.
CAPTAIN IN THE
RANKS
(Continued from page 3)
"UiTfoot to Wheeling. Then on the
tewboat"
"What fare did they make you pay?"
"None. I worked my way as. a
itoker fireman they call it out here."
"No wages? Just passage and
grub?"
"That was all."
"What are your plans?"
"To find work and do it"
"What kind of work?"
"Any kind that's honest."
"You are educated, I suppose?"
"Yes, In a way. I'm an A. M. and a
graduate In law."
"Know anything about business?"
"No, but I shall learn."
"If you can, you mean?"
"Ob, I can! A capable man can
learn anything if he really wants to."
"I don't know about that. But I'll
gamble on the proposition that you
can."
"Thank you."
"No thanks are needed. I wasn't
complimenting. I was Just expressing
an opinion."
Scribbling a memorandum on a scrap
of paper, Captain Hallam handed it to
Duncan, saying:
"Give that to the cashier as you go
out and get your wages. Then you'd
better get your breakfast. I recom
mend you while you're poor to eat at
the little booths along the levee, where
they sell very good sandwiches and
coffee cheap. After breakfast If you
choose to come back here I'll try to
find something for you to do. Oh, I
forgot. You were up all night, so you'll
want to sleep?"
There was an interrogative note In
the last sentence. Captain Hallam was
"Blzlng up" his man, and he' closely
scrutinized Duncan's face as the an
swer came.
"Oh, I'm used to night duty. I'm
ready for a day's work if you can give
me one. As for breakfast, I've bad it."
"Then you had money?"
"A very little, but I didn't spend any
of it. I sawed and split a load of wood
for the keeper of a booth, and he gave
me some bread and ham and coffee for
my work."
"Ob, that's the way you managed It.
Very well. Come back here In two
hours anyhow."
After the young man had passed out
Captain Hallam said to one of his part
ner brothers:
"That fellow Is a good sort. He has
sand In his gizzard. When he comes
back set him at work at something or
other several things In succession, in
fact and find out what he can do."
Such was Guilford Duncan's mus
tering into the new service of work.
(Continued in our next edition)
THE
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tisement in the morning Astorion.
To secure help cf any sort, or situation of any kind, to fiud
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Rates For Classified or "Want" Advertisements
0NX INSERTION ONI CENT A WORD THREE LINES THREE DATS, so CENTS
Count Six Words to a line, io Clots a tins a week.
- SITUATION WANTED "
For the benefit
tion Wanted " will
ooooooooooooooooooooc
WANTED.
WANTKl) -MAN AN n wifk wants
room and buul; nui-t ) rlmti mill
rouMmnbit'. .iiurt r., cure .AMiriuit
WANTKD-CKNTI.KMAN OH I.ADY
with good reference, Ik travel by vail
r with a ii. for n firm of .2:.0.(KHi.0(i
capital ; muury (?1 0, v per yur mm ex
penses; Hilary paid weekly ,in4 xpcinton
advanced. Addre, witli .lamp, dm, A.
Alexander, Astoria, ''re. fi lO II,
BRANCH MAN'AGFJiS WANTKD; $2'
cash weekly; live at home; exp rience
unnecesary; no canvaing; enclose
stamp for particulars. Aluminum Hanger
Co.. Chatfleld, Minn.
0-5-301.
WAXTFJ)-100 LBS. CLEAN RAGS.
Address "C." A-ttorian Otllce.
HELP WANTED.
VANTFJ-20 SALKM'KOI'LK. CALL
at Morse's Dept. Store, Monday.
SITUATIONS WANTED.
SITl'ATION' WANTED AS CASHIER.
IxMikkeeper or clerk; experienced; Lest
of references. Address '"M ," .Utoriun,
or Plione 2171 Red. i 10 2t.
LOST AND FOUND.
LOST-BROWN BEAD PURSE; FIND
er enquire Astorian Office.
LOST-BROOCH ON THE 8TH. ON
Franklin avenue, bet wen Glut sop Mill
and Adair school, gold, oval, cameo face.
Return to Astorian office. 6-10-3t.
LOST-SILK UMBRELLA. PEARL AND
silver handle; initials L. M. W. on
handle; $2.00 reward. Return to M. C.
Wood, at Foard A Stokes Co. 6-7-3t.
LOST White bull terrier bitch; one
brown ear; return to rooming houe
over Sunnyside saloon or to Al Porter,
Wigwam Saloon; reward. 6-9-2t.
LEFT ON CALLENDER DOCK THE 23D
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gold knot handle. Leave at Astorian
office and receive reward. 6-9-3t.
FOR RENT HOUSES.
NICE ROOMS AND BOARD FOR GEN
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Astorian Office. 4-29 tf
$500 FOR 6-ROOM HOUSE; PANTRY,
basement; large atic; comer lot; on
Seventh street, south; also good Bingle
buggy for $12. 6-7-3t.
FOR SALE.
FURNITURE, STOVES, CARPETS,
etc., at less than half price you have
to pay elsewhere; we also buy and sell
everything. Astoria Commission & Auc
tion Co., 365 Commercial street.
FOR SALE GOOD SECOND-HAND
wagon, a few show cases, and cash
register; a bargain. Hoefler's. 6-0-2t.
MUSIC TEACHER.
WANTED -THREE MUSIC PUPILS.
Inquire at Astorian office.
MANDOLIN LESSONS GIVEN MRS.
C. D. Stewart, 127 Seventh ttreet.
MORNING AST0RIAN
ii
of persons out of em ployment, ads under
be printed three days free of chargt.
RESTAURANTS.
FIKST.CI.A8S MEAL
for 15c; nice ntkc, coffee, pie, or
doughnuts, fic, ftt i. HcfiUuir
ant. 43-1 IJond St.
BEST 1" CENT MEAL.
You can ulwftys Hiul the boat
15-tetit meul in the city at the
Rising Sun Restaurant.
612 fVimuiercialSt.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY
Mon Fong
Restaurant
Noodles and
Chop Sucy.
MEALS OF ALL KINDS
OPEN DAY AND NIGHT
74 EIGHTH STREET
WOOO YARDS.
VVOODI WOOD! WCODI
Cord wood, mill wood, box wood, any
kind of wood 1 1 lowest prices. Kelly,
the transfer man. Tbone aigi Main,
Barn on Twelfth, opposite opera
house.
HOTELS
HOTEL PORTLAND
aM
Finest Hotel In the Northwtet
PORTLAND, ORE.
LAUNDRIES.
The Troy Laundry
The only white labor laundry In th
elty. Does the best work at reasonable
prioea and Is In every way worthy of
your patronage.
10th and DUANE Sta., Phone 1991.
HOUSE MOVERS.
FREDRECKSON BROS.-We make a
specialty of house movinir. carpenters.
contractors, general jobbing; prompt at
tention to all orders. Corner Tenth and
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
0STE0PATHI8TS.
DR. RH0DA C. HICKS
OSTEOPATH
Office Manael. Bid. Phone Black 1011
(71 Commercial St., Astoria, Ore.
DENTISTS.
DR. T. L. BALL,
DENTIST.
524 Commercial 8t Astoria Oreaon.
)O0OXOOOOOCKXXOO(XOOOOOOOO00O0OOCKO0OO(O
EM
the head of
"Situs-
Dr. VAUUHAN,
Dk.nti.ht
Pytbiau liulldiiig, Anton's, Oregon.
Dr. W. O. LOCJAN
HKNTJS1
TH Commercial St , Hlmimlmn RuiKliug
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
C1IAS. II. ABERCR0MBIE,
Attorney-st-Lsw.
Oneral I'ractit Inner. Notary Public.
Room 35-3fl-I'bons Main 2051.
FR Work. Cor. Commercial A 12tb St.
WINES, LIQU0HS AND CI0ABS.
M (II I
4i0 BOND 8T
AST0KIA, OREGON
Carries the Finest Line cf
Wines.
Liquors
and
Cigars
CALL AND SEE US
THE SAVOY
Popular Concert Hall.
Good music. All are welcome. Cor
ner Serenth and Astor.
New La Tosca
863 ASTOR STREET. "j
I. N. VANCIL & CO,
CHOICE WINES, LIQUORS AND
CIGARS.
Furnished Rooms, Day or Night
LOGGERS' HOME.
ASTORIA,
OREGON.
Eagle Concert Hall
320 Astor St.
The leading amusement bouse.
P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
Agency for Edison Phonographs and
Gold Moulded Records. '
Dunne streets,
'.'.' . Aeute Rheumatism.
Deep tearing or' wrenching pains,4 oc
casioned by getting wet through; worse
when at rest, or on first moving the
limbs and in cold or damp weather, Is
cured quickly by Ballard's Snow Lini
ment. Oscar Olcson, Gibson City, 111.,
writes, Feb. 16, 1902 1 "A year ago t
was troubled with a pain in my back. It
soon got so bad I could not bend over.
One bottle of Ballard's Snow Liniment
cured me." Sold by Hart's drug store.
Might call it the Mexican War of