THE MORNING ASTOUIAN. ASTORIA. OREGON.
THURSDAY, MARCH so, igofl,
THE
MORNING ASTORIAN
Established 1873.
Published Daily by
THl J. S. DELLINGER COMPANY.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES.
By mail, per yrar 17.00
By mail, per month M
By carrier, per month t5
WEEKLY ASTORIAN.
By mail, per year, in advance.. fl.00
Kntered a second-etas matter June
23, 1905, at the poMoffle at AMorlfcoro
aon, under the not of i ou:ivs ol Matvlis.
18TS.
rfr-Orrtera for the JtU wing- of The Moax
MeurcaMS to either rwidwe or place or
bwiueaa .nay be made, bjr postal cart or
through telephone. Any Irregularity in de
U7 ahould be nunedtaUly reported to the
oAoe of publication.
TELEPHONE MAIN 661.
OrrirUil paper of Clatsop county td
the City of Astoria.
WEATHER. J
Oregon and Washington, part-
ly cloudy, with possibly shower.
THEY ELECT A DOG.
A group of workiugiiien in t. Peters
burg have elected a dog, a pet i their
particular factory, to represent them in
the Duoma. They claim it is economy,
for the state will be put to a co-t not to
exceed seven cents per day for his main
tenance, and that he will be just as ef
fective in securing legislation for the
workingman a. any other representative
would be; and when one sifts the mat
ter to the bottom, the mechanics have
pretty nearly "hit the nail on the head.''
Between the classes, in Russia and the
trusts in America, the man who work
for his living by his skill in mechanics
has but little to hope for. Of course, it will
be said this is a direct insult to the Ameri
can workingman, to thus put him in the
same category with his fellow in Rns-ia
but it must be remembered that a work
ingman is just that and nothing more
the world over, so far as his mortal ene
mies, the moneyed classes, are concerned,
and if he does not assert himself in some
very definite and forceful way, he is
likely to lo-e his rights, here, there, or
anvwhere else.
EIGHT HOURS IN PANAMA.
Anyone who knows anything of condi
tions at the J-hmus of Panama, must
laugh every time he hears anything said
about the enforcement of an eight-hour
law in that benighted belt. In the fir-t
place there is no human being native or
foreign, who could do any sort of work
there for eight consecutive hours. It is a
physical impossibility; men work there
in strict conformity with the conditions
of the weather, and there are times for
days at a stretch when the play of hu
man muscles canot be invoked for love
nor money. The climate is one of the
worst on the face of the globe and vari
able in the extreme. The swells who go
there under the most pleasing and the
safest of accessories, are mighty poor
authority for the strains to which the
LABORER is subjected in that belt of
fever and death, and when gigantic,
brawny, faithful negroes, innured to the
coil and climate, lay down and die under
the stress of the sun's rays, without so
much as an hour's warning, there is but
little to be hoped for, for the white man,
no matter what may be done to amehor
ate the conditions. Before the Panama
canal is finished, there will be a parallel
story for that which tells of a human life
sacrificed for every tie that lies under
the forty-seven miles of the isthmian
railroad built there years and years ago
FORTY STORIES HIGH.
New York has two skyscrapers pro
jected either one of which would break
the present record. A tower above the
Railroad and Iron Exchange is to rise
to a height of 404 feet. This is compared
with the Park Row Building, 382 feet,
and the Pulitzer building, 375 feet. It
will exceed the tallest building in Chicago
by some fifty feet, but will be dwarfed
by the tower above the new Singer build
ing In New York, which is to be sixty
five feet square and reach a height of
nearly 595 feet.
EDITORIAL SALAD.
Tlu t'uiitjf tlmt make any in.tu ucr
ior to mint 'tor hi m'ihoo.
o -
l-'niiv ;. tlii- -.i!ini; ii'i'oim
j likrlv liav nif -U'.litti: ln-l.'i it net'.
thru.
I'.ihl - arc to he put in ;ill tin1 ii'Oiii
of tile Siixanuali. !.. hotel-. "I coitr-e
thev will N- iitt.i.hi'i to yoo-l. tloiii;
rlmitis.
o
K'it educator- at'' Ix inuitii,' to tV:ir
that sjii' arc -tiMxiitir too miirh. Why
not liu up a IV tiaxal ai-.i.!cmie- lot the
"irl-;
One of the faith he.1l.1- oiler to euro
poverty tor $." a treatment. Here U an
other -pleiKlwl eliathe tor pool people to
get 11'eh liiek.
The Michigan woman who left lul
e-tate to her lawyer proktbly thought it
would le a j"od thing to ae as much
trouble a ioilile.
(Vnsii teport from Washington -how
that the liievrle hii-ine-i in the I'nited
State ha dropped from S-.'ll.HOO.oiN) a
vear to .ri'i.iXXl.OiHi.
lVm't keep your ey-" on the man you
axe ju-t heard something bad about. It
i more important that you keep them
11 vour mouth.
The lirele toxe i one 01" the l.ite.t
invent ion. -1 11-t o the good hnn-eu ite
jive u enough to eat 1 wnat we ate
particular about.
Nichota l.oitgxxortli i aid to be a
much better hou-ckeeper than hi young
wife, who ha been heard to declare that
-he fairly hates housekeeping.
The bu-y men and women of the world
are thev who have attained to greatnc-.
Matty -itch haw endured hardships and
practiced rigid economy to enable them
to meet the demand of a large family
and the greate-t men thi country lias
produced have la-en men who have lalwr-
edxvith hand and brain, after acquiring
a compentency, rememlring the year
that are gone, admit that their xxorkins
year were their happiest year.
Cheerfulness i- the health of the
mind; worry the iiieae. Worry in time
will produce phy-ii-al diea-e for the
nerves become shaken by emotions and
the general health fail under the con
stant mental -train. Depres-ioti. which
is often caused by actual grief-, is cpiite
a often caused by lack of -If -control
A good book, a brik walk, or a chat
with a cheerful friend will freipiently
bring one up out of the gloom. You
can't be beautiful and doleful; the two
don't trot in the -aine harness.
The age limit pen-ion bill
two Uoii-e of Congre- and
i--e! the
- hi-comc
a law. Under it- provi-ion- hIm m a sol
dier of the Civil War strive- at the age
of sixty years, he is allowed per
month without examination a to dis
ability. At sixty-two he gets and
at sevaVty year of age. 12 i allowed
him. While the pensions are too small
the bill does away with any controversy
as to disability, and gives every soldier
a pension regardless of di-ea-e contract
ed in the war or since that war.
Dr. Harvey W. Wiley, chief of the
bureau of chemi-try of the department
of agriculture, is nothing if not cheer
ful. He told the house committee that
has the pure food bill under considera
tion, there is no one in this broad land
who does not live, to Borne extent, on
poison. " There is not a food we eat that
does not contain some poison," declared
Dr. Wiley, gleefully. Then he plunged
into technical explanations, while cold
chills chased themselves up and down
the spinal columns of his aduitors. How
ever, none of the members of the com
mittee has lost his appetite to any great
extent as a result of the exposure.
0
A bill has been introduced into the
lower house of the Iowa legislature to
legalize suicide. It proves that a person
of sound mind who is suffering from an
incurable disease, and xvhose death is
only a matter of time, may request his
attending physician to take his life at
once, and the physician will be com
pelled, on penalty of imprisonment and
fine, to call in two other competent phy
sicians and the coroner, and if the four
agree that the request is based upon an
accurate knowledge of the condition of
the patient, and that he cannot be cured
op his life prolonged w ithout undue suf
fering, then it shall be the duly of the
physician, in the presence of the three
men associated with him, to administer
an anaesthetic until death results. The
facts shall be certified to the county
clerk and reported by him to the state
authorities. Should the next of kin
make the request or join in it for the
purpose of getting the sufferer out of the
way they shall be guilty of murder in
the first degree.
Bowser Most
Popular Man
Is Voted as Such by Members
of the Old Jays Club at
Last Meeting.
WOULD MAKE A SPEECH
He Is Rolled on a Barrel. I lis Head It
Sandpapered, and I le Returns
Sadder, but WUei.
c . I ''
M
(Copyright. t!U by Md'hirc. riillllps A Co. J
R. BOWSKR bad conic hoiti
front the otlWv half tin hour
abend of time, and wlteu Mrs.
How scr asked for an explana
tion bo roplied:
"I nut going out Oils evening, anil
there are two or three little thing I
want to see to first."
"Is It to a club?"
"Yes. There's going to lie a biff turn
out at the Old Jays club this evening
and a vote will be taken to see who la
the most popular memler."
"Hut the last time you went to the
Phi Jays you came home mail. You
said they Miiibliod yon."
Snubbed me: Not on your life:
You must have got me and some one
"WHO WOCI.D ATTEMPT TO WORK AN' Y
UAUK ON ME.' UK SAID.
else mixed up. Why. they sent me spt
cial notice of the meeting tonight and
said I must be sure to be there."
"I was In hopes we might go to th
theater."
"We can go to the theater any night,
but there won't be another such meet
lug of the Old Jays for a year."
"Well, I hope you won't let them
work any game on you," she said, as
she saw that bis mind was made up.
"Game? Work any game on me!"
be replied as he drew himself up to
his full height and strMl with folded
arms. "Who would attempt to work
auy game on me? Who has ever at
tempted it? Kxplaln your words, if
you please."
'They may try to make you believe
that you are a great man and that
that"
"And what?"
"And coax you to slug a song and
then then"
"And what?"
"Or get you up to make a speech and
then then"
"Woman, beware! You are close to
the dead line! Don't let me bear any
more such talk. To hear your words
a stranger would think I was a bora
fool and that you were my guardian."
"Then we won't talk about It any
more. I'll help you get ready, and do
you go along and have a good time."
Mr. Bowser stood and glared at her
for a minute and then marched off up
stairs to change his clothes. There was
something else be wanted to nay, bat
he hung off about it until bis good na
ture waa partly restored and he had
come down again; then he tried to look
indifferent as he said:
"I bare got a hint or two that my
friends are going to put me forward
tonight, and It may be Just possible
that I will be Toted the most popular
member."
"Tbat will be nice," replied Mrs.
Bowser as she relied his necktie.
"You'd let 'em vote If tbey wanted
to, wouldn't you?"
"Why, certainly."
"And If I am declared elected and
they call for a speech"
"Then make one, of course. Just get
tip and say that you feel honored;
wouldn't trade positions with the pres
ident of the United States; glad you
are one of the Old Jays, and so on and
so forth. Don't attempt too much.
Now you are all ready."
"I may not be homo before mid
night." "Never mind If you are not home be
fore daylight. As you say, this thing
occurs only once a year, and you can
afford to dissipate a little. Sure you
have got your latchkey? Well, run
along now."
Mrs. Bowser's sudden change of front
was a puzzle to Mr. Bowser, but after
thinking it over for awhile be decided
that It was one of those cases where it
was "Just like a woman" and arrived at
the club with a feeling of anticipation.
What occurred there was told two
hours later by blmaejf In bis own home.
l : i
j
At lOoViiVk, 'tis Mr. Bowser sat Vena
lug and the cut was doing the purring
act on the hearth, there oh tut au uneer-
wln noise at tht front door, a noise ui
of some one pawing ever It. When It
had continued for it couple of uiluulcs
tie went down the hall and swung the
door wide open. With the aid of her ex.
tended hand Mr. Bowser entered. In
spite of the fact that he n barebead
ed and all mussed up, that his coat
pockets were full of buy, (hat a Krous
plaster bad been stuck on the buck of
ills overcoat and his patent leather
kIiocs painted over with white palul It
was Mr. Bowser.
"I'otue In and tell me all about It."
said Mrs. Bowser as she tiling tip bis
coat and list him along to the sitting
room.
lie looked at her In an owlish sort of
way for n minute, and then the tears
started In his eyes, When be could con
trol his emotion he said;
"Well, 1 got there. Kvetybody glad to
see me. Everybody said I was 11 good
feller. K very body shipped me on the
back and said, 'Hello, Bowser.' "
"And of course you had a drink or
two."
"Yes."
"And then the voting twk place?"
"Yes."
"And when the votes were counted
up It was found that you hud lecu de
clared the most popular member?"
"Yes. But bow did you hear of It?"
"Oh, 1 knew atiout how It would go,"
replied Mrs. Bowser, with a laugh.
"Well, you were elected. What hap
pened then?"
"All the did Jays took a drink at my
Sxpeuse. Then the president of the club
congratulated me, and we had another
drink. Then tiny called on me for a
speech."
"And you remembered what I told
you, I hope':"
"No. I didn't. 1 couldn't remember
nothing I made a speech atiout Chris
topher Coluiubus crossing 'er Delaware,
and you Just ought to have beard them
Old .lays clap and yell. Mm. Bowser,
shut Hpeeeh w as a corker. Best speech
I ever delivered In my life."
Ills utterances were getting thick and
bis neck becoming too limber to sup
port his head, ami of a sudden the tears
came to his eyes again.
"Well, after the speech?" queried
Mrs. Bowser.
"Kverybody whooped and yelled and
clapped their bands, and some of 'em
didn't get over laughing for ten min
utes. I can tell you I felt proud, Mrs.
Bowser-proud and glad that I was
Bowser. Had a drink. Had another
drink. Had three or four drink. Thcu
the Old Jays Jumjied on to me."
"How Jumped on to you?"
"They said I was an old sport and a
good feller, and tbey put me In a blan
ket and tossed me up to the celling.
Yes, tossed me up over a thousand
times. It was awful, awful, awful!
When they got tired of that they sand
papered my Itnld head. Yes, Mrs. Bow
ser, they sandpapered the head of your
loving husband and scratched matches
on It."
His tears flowed and his lip trembled,
and It was 11 long mlnote before he
could go on.
"Then they rolled me on a barrel,
painted my slims and poured sand
down my buck, and when they let me
go I wits almost dead. I was all turned
around and didn't know the way home,
and It's a wonder 1 ever got here.
Wasn't It awful. Misli Rowsher-wasn't
It Jus' aw ful?"
"I told you I was afraid they'd play
some game on you."
"Yesh, you told me. but I didn't be
lieve It. I believed you was Jealous be
cause I was such a great man. I was
wrong, and you was right. Will you
forgive me, Mlsh Rowsber?"
"There's nothing to forgive, but If I
were you I'd resign from the Old
Jays."
"You bet I will! Never again will
'er Ole Jays make a Jay of me:
Where's 'er cat?"
"What do you want of her?"
"Wanter beg her pardon too. I tell
you, Mlsh Bowsher-I tell yon It wasn't
right, and you know It, and the cat
knows It, and the Old Jays know It.
and"-
"I guess you'd better be getting to
bed," said Mrs. Bowser as be sat blink
ing at her with his sentence unfinished.
"Yesb. Most popular 01' Jay bettett
be gettin' to bed," he replied as he took
her arm and was assisted upstairs.
M. QUAD.
"Ajaz" Defrlna the Motor.
"Come on, then! I'm wire haired, so
mind your tires!" Sketch.
the Old n't Like It.
"Papa auys I'm not old enough to
marry."
"Did he? Well, I'll bet he wouldn't
have liked it If somebody had asked
him to wait about marrying until be
was long past thirty."
"Slrl"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
CA-
Political Onformation
Announcement of emollilale- for olllee
tlle rules for men ol ull ui lie-.
BM.M.H.'
KKGISTRATION
ItculHtriillon IiimiUs opened ley County
Iti'iiMnilloit Ixiolia cIiuhciI lor I'l'iioiny I'.nvn.'ii, .1 'i u i", ' 10
Itciililiulloii liooka opened uHer iiiiiiiii'V ' I ' 't I Al'HI '.'
liciiMmlloii liooki cloM'd lor lien, nil ehelliin, .May I -1. ft . m.
MRKCT PRIMARY ELECTION
County Clerk- itlvc notice of Prlumry Klcelloii not Inter llisn Murcli .
I ait iliiv lor nllnii ih'IIUom tor I'laclhii niiiiinoii I'lillol lot tiitc, coiihiKiIoiiiiI miki
ilMrlcl ulllcc, Miireli :.
ut day lor lUlny ctUloii (or County untcvra, Aill I,
DATE OF PRIMARY ELECTION, APRIL jo, 1906.
Cniivit-liiii Xolea ol I'l liiliuy eleclliuia fur alulc orlllce- Miiy a
Jf. ( GENERAL ELECTION
I aat day (or llllns ccrlHIcatea of iiomliiulloii for atutc oftlecs liy aaaemlily of i lictoi a,
,rll In,
I jiat tlnv lor niliiit iioiillliiillnil I'clllloiia (or lute olttcra, Mnv I.
Iji.I tiny lor rtlluu ecrtinciUia of nomlimtloua for comity ofttecra ly iia.nuilily ol
clii tora. May i
l.iiat dny lor nilnit noinliiHlltig iictltlona (or count)' omYca, Muy l'i.
;1,( GENERAL ELECTION, JUNE 4
BE SURE AND REGISTER
CANDIDATES ((ANNOUNCEMENTS
FOR GOVERN0X.
I Republicans of Oregon are hereby
informed that I am a candidate for la
nomination of Governor at ths prim
aries to be held April 20th
JAMES WITH YIX)M BK.
FOR SECRETARY OF STATE.
I hereby announce myself a candi
date for the ofllcs of Secretary of State,
and ak ths up port of all Republi
cans. K. T. WJIKIHTMAN.
FOR SHERIFF.
I hereby announce myielf ss a can
didate for sheriff on ths Republican
ticket at the primary nominating elec
tion. EMSLEY HOUGHTON.
FOR ATTORNEY-GENERAL,
Ths undersigned hereby announce
himself as a candidate for re-ebctioti
to ths oftloe of Attorney-Oners!, sub
JUST ARRIVED
A CAR LOAD OF
Our New StocK of WALL PAPER
IN ALL THE LATEST DESIGNS AND COLORS IS NOW ON OUR
SHELVES AND READY FOR YOUR INSPECTION. GIVE US A CALL.
NO TROUBLE TO SHOW GOODS.
Full Line of Brushes, Paints, oils.
Glass, etc., etc
B. F. Allen
First National Bank of Astoria, Ore.
(i:STAIiLINIIi:i 18841.
Capital and Surplus $100,000
Sherman Transfer Co.
QENRY 8I1ERMAN, Manager
Hacks, Carriages Baggage Checked and Transferred Trucks and Fur
niture Wagons Pianos Moved, Boxed and Shipped.
433 Commercial Street
3a.
That All Important
You have often heard people
ever
bik" .Tost tanitary fixtures made.
J, A. Montgomery, Astoria.
The MORNING ASTORIAN
65 CTS. PER MONTH
Astoria's Best Newspaper
w ill lie miIiIIIum In I lime column" lit ininoit
t'lciki.Tilc - diiv, Iuiiimi v '.', full-
ject to the approval of Republican
voters at ths primaries.
A. M. CRAWFORD.
FOR STATE PRINTER.
Tue tindrr-lgnrd announce himself
a Republican candidate for renotnlnn
Hon for Mats I'tlnter, subject to ths
dcicMoit of the Rrpubllcsn voter st ths
primary elect Ion, April 20,
Now serving first term, Ths am
courtesy that ha been ecotird to 8tt
oflioer generally, that of a renomlna
tlon, would b greatly appreciated,
J. R. WHITNEY.
Albany, Oiegon.
FOR SUPERINTENDENT OF PUBLIC
INSTRUCTION.
I hereby announce mylf s a csn
diilate for renominstlon for th offtcs
of Superintendent of Puhllo Induc
tion, snd solicit the support of all re
publican at ths primaries, April 20th.
J. H. ACKERMAN.
Son, s,
Phone Main 121
Bath Room
remark "If I were
to build- I would plan
my bath room first and would not put
all my money into the parlor with all
its finery," That is good common sense
sentiment, for the bath room Is the most
Important of all the household.
We would like to help you plan your
bath room and will gladly quote you
prccs on "tonJatHl" Ware, the lest
(