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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (March 24, 1906)
6 THE MORNING ASTOIUAN. ASTORIA. OREGON. SATURDAY, MARCH n, 1900. THE PEXSIOX OFFICE HUMOR THAT SPICES THE ROUTINE WORK OF THE OFFICIALS. Mime of Ihr Qua In I anil Original Ap l.llrnllnna For l'n iiirntu That Hnlc Horn Handed In to hr Keprrsriita- 1lvr of t nclr Sam. If hotiiimt to do so the commissioner of pensions at Washington couM coin- file :i ilcliirliifnl volume, putting there Jii the strange npi!ii-ai Ius for pensions that eonie to his olhVo. Some of these letters belong to the "too ginnl to keep" class, and they find their way out into the world, where they add u gml ileal 1o the hilarity of nations. Some appli cants for eiisions inanifest the most childlike Iguor.itut' regarding the ineih td of proeeihnv necessary when apply ing for a pousion. They sts-m to think that all they have to do is to send an application to the pension ottiiv and Vnele Sam will forward a eheek by re turu mail. Soon after the elose of the eivil war there came to the pension otricv In Washington the following nniiiie uud jioetical application for a pension that went the rounds of the newspapers fears ago: to Commissioner of Tensions Washington. t!iese many years I've trie-J in vain Ji honest pir.tion to obtain Tor wound received In Sixty one t.t first Battle of Bull Run cne of ohloes tons so brave who went to the front the union to save And whilst Engaged in above said right a rebel Shell took half my fight Not content by taking an Eye this treacherous shell tn Passing by took my Eye Brow Clear of the bone and Left me as unconscious as a ston. burning a blister of Crystal Clear from the jaw bone to the Kar but thanks to god my Ufe was spared Cheek and Eye brow but Slltely Scared iind one Eye was left to me for to wripht ar.d read roe t re 1 hope that with that Eye to see the day when unkel Sam hie Cripples will Pay. Much more recent Is the letter sent to the commissioner of tensions by au applicant who had contracted blood poisoning In the following remarkable manner: I got blood poison by being hit with a bens eg wen I cam back from the frunt. The eg was not good wen you send my pension 1 want the Deed made sos my wife can't gel none of it. S!h throde the eg. She war a rebbel. Equally appealing and remarkable was another letter sent to the pension office In which the applicant set forth bis claims to a pension In this wise: The way I got my War tngery was a tetehln of a hog. The Hog war wanted by our captain for forege. We was cbaaln the bog and she crawled threw a hole aa I thot I were about the size of the bog and tried to crawl threw, but I stuck an to tryln to wiggle out I throde the rales ff an one It hit me on my bed and nocked me senseless. I do not think the hog had xtothln to do wtth my line of duty, for I Aid not ketch the hog. Wlch she never was caut, so plete send along my pension. One aged pensioner bad evidently made a serious blunder by taking unto himself a wife In his old age, for love of gain seems to bare been the motive of the woman who married him if the following letter stated the facts in the case: Dear Mister Government, Pleie to fix up roy penshun papers bo an my wife cant draw my twelve dolera a munt when I am ded. she say she marryed me for lov an to be a ole mans Darling but now I no It was for to git my penshun on her etic by being my widower so pleze let my penshun end with me but pk-ze doant Jet on to her that you got this from me or 1 would have a hot time of It and times 1 is hotter now than I can stand. So when I send word that 1 am no moar then send tier this If you want to but not until the penshun Is shut off whitch It is her Just cesserts for marryln for money an In a Mersheenary spirrut. One day there came to the pension office a very old and subdued looking man who could scarcely totter along with the help of two canes. By his side wan a very rohust and perfectly ttelf reliant young woman of perhaps thirty years of age. When some one went forward to ask what was wanted the young woman said: "Well, I'll Just tell you. This Is my husband, and we ain't getting enough pension that's what we ain't. We're getting only $10 a month, and we know a man that wasn't In the war half as long an my husband was and didn't get a shot In bim and he gits bis $12 a month, and we want our pension raised to that figger or more." One applicant was willing to give the most palpable proof of the genuineness of his Injuries, for he wrote as follows: If you don't think I was shott In the war I am willing to come on there and you or any one else can lay their finger on the bullet Imbedded In my back wtlch panes me when I stoop or lay on It and which It has brought on permnent dls abllllty so I can't work like I used to could I gueBS If you would speak to Pres ident Mayklnley and tell him about the bullet he would say to send on the pen it Ion and any medlkel doctor would say the same. A doctor here will go his af fydavltt that he has laved his fingers on the bullet wlch I am proud of as scars of iWar where I fit and bled for my country with it is America and Union forever. New York Tribune. Net Fair Division. "If a bouse contains six bureaus, eleven armolres, seven chiffoniers and fifty-three miscellaneous drawers. Low many of 'em is the husband entitled to and how many Is the wife?" asked the young clubman. The second clubman laughed harshly. "You are young and have much to earn," he said. "You may as well un derstand first as last that if there were In your house a mile of bureaus, three acres of armoires and 17,000 drawers all these would still be stuffed fall of veils, niching, hatpins, ribbons, silk stockings, petticoats, powder puffs and aafety pins, and the best course for yoa to pursue would be to wrap your own things your shirts, underclothes and so on In a newspaper and keep them uu fler the bed." New York Press. 11 HELP WANTED. WAXTKO - IMMKPIATK1.Y, TTIKKK of four millwrights. Apply at Old Oregon Mil!-, Warreutott. t.f. WANTED Girl for general housework; small family. Etnjuhe at Astorian oll'ii. snwriON W'AVTKO - I.ADY IK- iiv position cooking in priati' family or loguing camp: gootl cook. Addic- A-torian office. 3-24 tt KOI! KKXT TWO XKAT SIX-ROOM house: newly papered and painted; each .S.m per mouth to desirable ten ant, ("all at office of S. Klmore A Co., cor. '.'tn anil 1 oiniuerctai. j-s-i.i. MIPHLE-AGKD WIDOW WANTS A position as housekeeper for a widow er; no objection to 1 or 2 children. Call or write. 2251 First St., Portland, Ore. WANTED-KXPEKIHXCKP CIKl. FOK housework in family of 4. Call As- toiian office. t.f. LADIES EMPLOYED TO DO FANCY work at home during -pare time; no experience iequird; good pay and -toady; aJdre-s Fancy Woik Dept., 1344 Maiket st., San Francisco. 3-8-lm FOR SALE. FOR SALE INCUBATOR; 200-EGG capacity; al-o one brooder, same -ize; will sell cheap. Call or address, 294 3Sth -treet, Astoria, Ore. 3-23 FOR SALE SECOND-HaXD 7 COL umn newspaper outfit; complete x :ept prw; cheap. Inquire at this of fice. FOR SALE Pony, broken to ride and drive. Apply at Astorian office. THE SHEFFIELD MARINE ENGINE, gasoline, for fish boats; any speed; best made; right price; in stock; on exhibition; running in salesroom; also Fairbanks-Morse Stationary Gasoline Engines. Fairbanks, Morse A Co., First and Stark streets, Portland, Ore. 3-1-lm FOR SALE.-CORXER LOT 504100, 8 room house, beautifully ornamental Svcamore street shade tre, 150 feet cement sidewalk and park place, lot terraced, two cement steps, both streets recently improved, grand view, one of the finest central locations in the city Must sell quirk. Enquire 307 Ninth streeet. FOR RENT HOUSES. FOR RENT -TWO HOUSES: r;00D tloeation. Enquire at ofTice Sherman Transfer Co. 3-15-t.f. MUSIC TEACHER. WANTED THREE SICSIC PUPILS. Inquire at Astorian office. MANDOLIN LESSONS GIVEN-JIRS. C. D. Stewart, 127 Seventh street. WOOD YARDS. WOOD! WOOD! WCOD! Cord wood, mill wood, box wood, any kind of wood at lowest prices. Kelly, the transfer man. Thone 3191 Main, Barn on Twelfth, opposite opera house. ASK ANY TRAVELER and he will tell vou the id i m 1111 Electric Lighted. 's tbeZCrack Train: of them all for COMFORT and ELEGANCE- Tie ticket office at Portland is 255 Morrison St., Cor. 3d. at A. D. CHARLTON, Assistant General Puesenger Agent. PORTLAND. OREGON. The report of the death of the Chinese empress may have been a mere device of the government to please the populace and to discourage the revolutionists. nun: 0jk Situations Wanted Advertisements Twice Without Charge.! BUSINESS DIRECTORY RESTAURANTS. ; KIRST.CU$8 MKAI. ! for 15o; nice enko, oolloo, jii, or doughnuts V, at V. S. Kfstaur- ant. 4IU Hon.! St BEST I.') LENT MEAL. You can alwavs find the host 15-cent meal in the city at the Rising Sun IlestauranL 612 ( ouiineri ialSt. Portland Restaurant 378 Astor St. Good Clean Meals. Excellent Service. Mealj From 15 Cents to 50 Cents. BROKERAGE. C. J. TIIEXCIIAIID Real Estate, Inturanoe, Commit.ior and 8hlpping. CUSTOM HOUSE BROKER. Office 133 Ninth 8tr..t, Ntxt to Juitios Offioe. ASTORIA, OREGON. Eagle Concert Hall 320 Astor St. The leading amusement house. P. A. PETERSON, Prop Parker House Bar Cor. Ninth and Astor Sts Agency for Edison Pbonograpas and Gold Moulded Records. JUST We Want to Talk to You ABOUT BOOK BINDING We do it in All the Latest and Best Styles of the Art. . . . We take your Old Magazines that you have piled away on your shelves and make Handsome Books of them fit to grace any library. We take your old worn out books with the covers torn off, rebind them and return to you good as any new book. Let us figure with you on fixing up your Library. dt dt dt J. Makers Astorian Building The 3OOOO0OOOOO0OO0O0O Inserted PROFESSIONAL CARD. PHYSICIANS. JAY TUTTI.K, M. I. PHYSICIAN ANI MJIUIKON Actum AuMilitnt SmiiHi: t'.S. Marine llooptinl Service. Jfflo. hour: 10 to 12 a.m. 1 te 4: If p.m. 477 Commercial Street. Irid Floor. DR. J. P. GORAY, Specialist EYE, EAR, NOSE AND THROAT 305 Oregonlan Building. PORTLAND .... OREGON OSTEOPATH I3T8. DR. RH0DA C. HICKS OSTEOPATH Office Manse). Ill J. rtione tllack Z0i 87S Commercial St., Aatoria. Ore. DR. KAT1IYRN RUKTKR Osteopaliic Physician Phone IW 2101 Hours: 9 to 12 ami 1 to.1 .Ir.l door Pec Hive P.Mr., Com'l. St. DENTI8TS. DR. T. L. HALL, DKN'TIST. 5lM Commercial St Astoria resiii. Dk. vauchan, Dkntist 1 Pythiau Building. Astoria. Oregon. I Dr. W. C. LOGAN DENTI81 78 Commercial St., Hhanahan Building A MOMENT! dt S. Dellinger Co. of All Kinds or Books Corner Commercial and 10th Street SOOOOOOOOOOGOOO OOGOOOOOOOOOf)CXXXGOCGGOCCKOOOOOOG LAUNDRIES. The Troy Laundry The only white labor laundry In the olty. Does the best work at rtasonablt prlots and It In every way worthy of your patronage. 10th and DUANE 8tt Phone 1941. HOTEL PORTLAND Finest Hotel In the Northwest. PORTLAND, OHS. CITY ADVERTISEMENTS. TREASURER'S NOTICE. Illl'IC is 0lc III pay all uart.iuu the city ticimiiy ii"i'MtP'l 1111. 1 en- to l i "! I 1 1 n 1 thi 7t!i !.i 1 ho '.'Uh day of May, I'.MI.V Inlci f-t it .mi ai', 1 thii iliite, niu.MAs m:ai.i;, t it v Tkmdiik'i , Aitolia, Hiiv, Mat h K, limit ;i :iu NOTICE. Vutice is h.-j i-l. u 1 'II I hit! iM-.-i.il lli-eiui'lit lull N.i IJl. made fill the pin pun uf 1 1 1 1 . i y 1 f 1 u' tli-- 1 -1 nml e-(ieti-1'i. uf imp) i ill-.- V lipiti-,'.' lieel, llolll tli.' ei'liter line n N I net ei-ill !i In (lie renler line ,.f 'I u ei lv In l stret, h.i ln'cu ti It'll vit!i ,i'!iti' nml I'ulii-e I H 1 i? r . lllll ;illiiliilei! "peiiill .foment lull miliilitr I-'11, HI! I that tie liiMllllil lee nil ittreett nil! J 1 1 1 1 s - .! 1 11 it j.jmitit .1 riiinnii' I.-e uf t!ie riHItlril tn sit l!ie Imillil "f ane. inlH tn evainine, ,..e.-t uiel e.u:i'ie the i.nne, ami lli.it Muiel.iV the .tviiinl iiiy April, A. II. I'.mw'i, at the l.'f.li i f J ii'elnik . in,, in llie eoiineil ehaililH'ri in the t it V hall, I. a- I.e. n five I a tile time utnl jilaee of the me tiiij; of uil Imaril of eiiiiilia!i"(i. All olije,tiun tn aiil an-ennmeiit intlt he preif lite in writing. oi.of anii;kson Auditor and Puli'-e .IinL'. of the t'ity of Antorin. Dated Aitorii, ('recoil, Maivh 22, A 1) , Kxx;. 4 :i CITY ADVERTISEMENTS. ASSESSMENT NOTICE. Nollee 1 lififhy Ivi'll Unit tho iip. nienl iiuule fur tint inil on einenl of Co liiiiihiu luenne, fimn 11 jinint 102 fnet Hit It of ilif koiiIIi line of Taylor ave nue, to I he mmtli lilln of lltviieli uveinle, n per iii.ifoiiieiit roll iiiiiulii'r 117, was made by an tudi'i' of the common c-ou.li' ell due 1111. 1 niynliltt on (he Mil (ly of Aj.iil, A. 1 1. IIMHl, hy oidhmneti niiiiiher l.'-'l. ec'iilli miiiK ould t'iiment roll, thai Hie InllnMiiiK tir tint iniiiiii of the ii i-cnii it(aiii. hnui the itemii(!H t i made and the iiiiitniiit uuiii hy rni'li tn i! t V111 tin. Wmkiiiiiii Co oi. An HI) (HI Miti. I'anl 0.0(1 Ml.n. II r M IX) All. n, 15 (K) I'iAIwi. Amlifu ,Ml (N) I 'tut mm, It. inn. !i 11 im) Infill. I.e 20 2 t .1 1 K..i. i:h,.,i.t Hi :i,i in ill l ull il S INI I 11 Unii I . S IMI I in -loan, I li,t I .! INI llaninil.i. Ihiui I 21 I m t I I 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 . Andietv 'JI.(S) llakM.I, h.tiidi .'14 111) .laehiill, liliuh U2 SO .Inhiimiii, Anlnii -til 2.1 .lohiiinii, A leu 40 00 Kaiih.in. n, la, nli 7 ,10 Kam.ill,i, .lt.hn . 25 00 KaUlnii I illie W aii-ii-n 7 50 Kutpithi, M iti 8 (S) I .eheek. I., .. I2H 21 Matt.t.11, l..hn rtO (Ml Mahal ., ll.-mt I'l OO Nnilieic U'I'-na .15 (H) I', iimiii' 1 1 I .uid A 'I'i it. I I'" 15 On r.mitnii, ivni . . rifi oo rmlaia, It.-h 140 25 I-,!,. t, H 00 Mini.., .-ll.-.e!UlllV i v 54 OO an. l !.tl. n a 10 OO I akKiinei. I-,1,11 iPlim 21 00 I .. Iti.net, ,..e. 0 00 I i,,,ii,, 1.1A 14 00 v illin, i 0" ' ll.nt. I. .1.11 . 50 00 W iit.i.t l-.l it 5 no ,1 Inlt. M.llit oo I'llt of A't.Kia (..el lS(Hi I'.V iiltler n( the eiiinmntl eoilliell. ()H)V AVnKHSOS, Auditor ainl Poliee ImU'e of the City uf A'tom, Diitel At.iiiu, Oirer.n, Mai.h 22, A. ! hum;, 4 .T NOTICK. ..tne i In lel.v Ki"t that tlii com- III.. n ei.iiiieil r.l tlie eity rif A I o r t . bit ilerlnieil it. determination runt Inten tion to improve Fourth ntreet from the iioilh line of Antor ntrect t the mmtli i.ul on the railroad trsek of the Aatoria A Coliiinhiii P.iver It. It. Co , on Vter street, to th full width thereof, ami on the ent.nlilinheil j;eul thereof. Said lm prm eiiient nhull he made by irailini; the n ill Mriel to the full width to the esliihli-lii'd cuide and eoiml ru.t hiff ide. nulkn on holh ideii of nuiil ntreet, pijvht feet wide, hy tnueailiiiniitift or filling in i :i i 1 1 ulieet with rnmhcil rk front rurli to ctuh, to the depth of ft inehe, on the nide, utnl 12 im In it in eeiiter, ntid of course the (jriiditi of the ntreet for the miIi (.'Hide from euil) to curb, tihall be t) to 12 iiichcit behnv the i)tablihed grude, an that mi id street will bo on said k'nide whin I'll led in with nu id iiiitliidiim, or eriiHhed rock, mid there nhnll be rrown in the center of the tdrecl of inflict. In mailers of detail -uid improvement lmll be constructed ncrnrdinff lo the ilntiH mid Kneiliciit iotm therr'fop to be prepared by the City SuiA'cyor an here i mi ft it prouded mid general onliiiunie No. l!KH mid any mat tor of conntrm. tiou and dniiiiue found iiecessury to make the improvement xnfe or Huhtitan tial hlmll be done by the contractor whether specified or not, without extra elm rji That, City Surveyor be mid he is hereby ilirieted to make mid lilu with tho Au ditor mid police .Indite of the City of Astoria, plaiiH uud upeeilleittioim for the istruetiiin of said improvement, mid estimates ol the rusts uud expense thereof. Thul the Auditor and Police .Indue of said city be and lie is hereby directed to cause, notice ol the intent ion and deter mination of Ihe Council to eoiiHlruct wild improvement ., . KjVen by puhliciil ion for ciijhl day.s in I he Morniujr Astorian. Tliat. the coat and expeiiscn of con Ktructiiijr suid impioveinenl hIiiiII be de frayed by Kpeciul anHedHinent upon the lots, landa and premihcg benefitted by the name which said lot, lundn and piciniHCH me included in the upecial n Hecsmeiit (liHtriet including all loin, lands and picmixeH mo bcne.litted to-witt Lots 11, 4 r. ami (I in block 3j lotrt 1, 2, 7, mid H in block 4 in the city of Astoria us Hjd out mid recorded by John M'Clure, in Clatsop county, State of Oregon, Ol.OK ANDKKSON' ,,, Cily .1, A. 3-31 Auditor and Police .Indue of the Cily of Aatorin. Diile.l I). I (tl)lt. Astoria, Oregon, March 2.1 The Morning Atorlan, C5o a month.