THURSDAY, OCTOBES 19, 1903.
THE MORNING ASTORIAN. ASTORIA, OREGON.
3
Pilgrim Joe's Patent Remedy
A Ftw Words About lilt Paia Alleviator Lettsrs to Provs Itl Valus.
tCepyrlihl. 1M, by It a MrClurs.J
ON aeveral occasions sluca 1
begun writing iuj Ufa for the
U'lifflt of those who ma
route after rue 1 bare referred,
Id the moot niodiwt and di-llrate man
ner, to my Pilgrim Tain Alleviator.
While walling for Dew stork to ar
rlTe, and being laid up with 1 boll 011
inj 'g at the aaine time, I pni'Mwo to
take advantage of the opportunity to
make Uie public further a''tisliid with
the merlu of my wonderful remedy.
fu Uie flrst plare, toy Allevlutor lius
nothing whatever to do with roots,
herlta and barka, It la rompum whol
ly of drug and chemical and ran be
uaed atther to commit aulclde or get
well on.
A the aole and original Inventor, I
urn not around telling people what they
bad better, do tn tilt matter. It In my
business to aell tb Alleviator to any
one having the catD.v
In the second placewhere the Alle
viator falls to cur It Is like falling off
a bridge Into tbe water. If you don't
drown, you" re bad the eiperlence any
way. I claim for my remedy that It Is good
for either sei or any color, and that It
ran bo given to the babe In the cradle
or fie old man In the chimney corner.
Many ao called remedies are afloat that
will not touch the cane of an Indian or
colored man. Mine Include every
body, even the members of tlie beef
trust.
You don't hare to keep In a cool nor
a hot place-down cellar nor upstairs.
Any old place will do. It Is like In
(went on money In a taring bank
worklng away for you nights, Sundays
and holidays.
No file settle on the corks of my
bottles. Every cork' Is treated until
It ran be warranted nonflyable. Thl
fart alone Is as good as a mark down
ale.
Tbe t Kittle are mnde extra strong,
and when the Alleviator I all gone
they ran tie used for elderberry wine or
to knock down harvest apples with. A
murderer In Jollet prison writes m
that they are far belter than annd
bag aa a weapon to kill a country con
stable with.
My Alleviator ran be taken on full
stomach, an empty stomach or on no
atomarh at all, and that Is one of my
strong potut. Tou don't have to carry
Uie bottle around In your coat tall
pocket and wait for something to hap
pen. Junt pull the cork with your
tevtb and begin to feel that life Is
worth the living.
J. D. of Milwaukee writes me: "1
found a bottle of your Alleviator under
"a ootmciii or runt pootom aim 1
HAD TArXWOHM."
saw log aud took tba contents at two
doses. I bava been a different man
sluca. I was aa near the grave as
critter could be, but now I weigh 200
pounds and can put any man In tba
county on bla back.
Mrs. J. of Chicago writes: "I had
been a widow for seven years, and ev
ery man I got after got away, when a
friend recommended your Alleviator,
I bad no faith In It but aent on my
niouey, and I bad taken only three
loe of tba remedy when a Scandl
navlan came along and proposed mar
rlage, and I had htm fastened for Ufa
within twenty-four hours, lis baa a
mouth large enough for a horse. If
70a bava any remedy for that please
end It along."
Peter Jonea of Ellendale, N. D,
writes: "For twenty-three years I waa
called tb laalest man In Dickey coun
ty. I even got too buy to tall a good
lie when Uie crowd of us gathered at
the grocery la tba evening. I waa
asked to take two doses of your Alle
viator and waa too laay to refuse
Within tan minutes I waa home chop
ping wood for the Brat ttma In my Ufa
and was np at 6 o'clock next morning
making garden. I am so full of energy
and ambition that I can't keep still
Tonr remedy has changed my whole
future, and If yon are aver In this part
f tba country I want the privilege of
shaking handa with you. My wife la
down on bar kneea thanking heaven as
I write thla."
There are certain drugglata who will
tall yon that something else la Just aa
good aa my Alleviator. Call them liar
at onca. Nothing ever Invented can
ake tba place of It
I bava been asked If the feeling of
xultaUon that come after the first
dose has been down about five minutes
U due to nlcnhol. It Is not Tba effects
are not temporary, but permanent
Where t oa And a tin peddler offering
MUm
n
t BO called Pilgrim l'aln Alleviator I
ware of tilm. Ilia pan will k-ak ami
tbe handle coma off bla dipper. Ills
Alleviator la a fraud, composed mostly
of ginger and molasses.
If you have a headache.
If you have a backache.
If you bava flying pains,
If you feci despondent.
If the book ho refused to renew
your note,
If you have been thrown down ker
plunk. If life seems to be one drear and
sandy waste,
If you liuve anything all you, phys
ically or mentally, from a soft corn
on your toe to disappointment In
matrimony, don't wait for tbe lea of
next January. Hend to the nearest
druggist for a bottle of tbe Alleviator.
If the druggist says he doesn't keep It
and wouldn't be found dead with It
on his shelves, send direct to me. I
will not only forward tbe Alleviator by
axpresa, but hire some angular cuss
In your Immediate neighborhood to
punch that druggist's head.
Why dawdle your life away when
one bottle will give you tba amblsbun
of NspoleonT
Why suffer physically or mentally
when the very first doe will make you
feel like raining tbe hired glrl'a wages?
If kicked by a mule,
If kicked by a man.
If blown up on a steamboat,
If you have been lied about,
If you have been slandered,
If you have lost your dog or yoar
wife b eloped.
If anything has happened besides the
bogs getting Into the garden and root
ing up tbe potatoes, then turn to my
rilgrlm Tain Alleviator and forget It
Henry Khlno of Racine writes me:
"My gratitude Is such that you may
make free vm of my name. Two
moutha ago a council of three doctors
aatd I hud tnpeworm. Thereupon my
wife ran away, some one stole my dog
and the hoitHe burned down. It was
supposed by all that I could not aur
rive Uie Nhock, but unknown to me a
friend of mine scut to you for a bottle
of your Alleviator. After Uklng four
doses 1 chased Uie doctors out of town.
After taking one bottle I found my
dog. and before tbe third bottle was
gone I bsd overhauled my wife, boxed
her eara aud made arrangement for a
new and better bouse. No other rem
edy but your could have acted In this
manuer, and I want tba world to get
the beneflt of my experience."
Do not delay.
Keep a bottle of tho Alleviator In tba
bouse.
If used In time It will quench an In
cipient conflagration.
Look for the picture of rilgrlm Jo
on tbe wrspper.
See that bla name la blown In tba
glasa. M. QUAD.
A Im4 Kaaekaat.
"1 know well enough, fellow cttt-
en," exclaimed the fierce browed,
shaggy haired orator, "that tba vlewa
1 advocate are not Dooular. Not ten
days ago, while advocaUng tbem from
public platform, I was struck In the
bead by a brick and knocked sense
less."
"Why didn't you wait till yon got
your sense back before you went to
talking again r lnoulred a man in the
outsktrta of the crowd In a loud, rau
cous voice. Chicago Tribune.
Narrow Eaeape,
"My baby," said the husband of a
prominent club and society woman,
"hod a narrow escape yesterday."
"Iudeedr exclaimed the friend of the
family. "How was that r
"The nunegirl thoughUessly left It
alone with tta mother for nearly an
hour," explained the husband and fa
ther. Chicago Newa.
She Aato Stos Thl.
Miss Flip Mr. Muun'a auto hi worth
a million dollars.
Miss Wuuder What? An automobile
worth that much?
Miss FIlD-Wbo said anything about
an automobile? I meant hi autograph.
-Baltimore American.
Hot Raaal-.
"Do you think time la money r aald
Blffson.
"Can't be," replied Bangs. "They
say tbere'a no end to tlroe-and I'm
broke."-Detrolt Free Press,
ilabbr'a Joke.
Mr. Waggs-You wouldn't think It
would you, but ahe'B In love with a
man who'd alnk to any depth for
money.
. Mr. Wagga-Orachwa, a prtre Ugh
art
Mr. Waggs-No, a direr.
The Spirit of Reform.
I'M fotn' to be a bettar boy
Than 1 have aver bean before.
Tin coin' to be a araatar Joy
To ma an' love hr more an' mere,
I'm goln' to work an' navar raat
No matter how 1 want te play.
I'm going to do my vary beat
Till after circus anyway.
Whan pa sat ma If I won't ran
An errand for him, avan Wan
Tn' asm were playln' ain't quit dona,
I'll start off Juat aa quick, an' than
Ila'll be su'prlaMl f think I don't
Bar. "Aflar 'w'lle." An' I won't say,
I'd ruthar not r, "Can't" ev,
"Won't
Till after circus anyway.
Ho matter If the work is hard.
I'll never make a fuss at alt
I'll pile the wood an' rake th' yard
No matter If they're playln' ball.
An' w an thy call ma tn at Blent
I won't stand out In front an' say,
"Oh, Juat minute moral" 'Tsia't
rlght-
Tlll altar circus anyway.
No matter If there's lota o pie.
I won't est for anutbev place.
I'll fold my napkin up w an I
Oat dona an' say, "Escuae Bta,
ploaae."
I'll try to keep as nice an' clean
As a boy outfit to ba an' pray
Not evar to ba cross an' maaa
Till aflar clroua anyway.
An' than Wen It comas circus day
I'll Just p'tnd that I forget
An' Waa ma looks at ma I'll say,
"I didn't know It's com In' rati"
An' than she'll sort o' smile at me.
But I'll Just work an' never eay
A word, eus that's th' way to be
TU1 after clreus anyway.
Than maybe she'll tall pa bow I
Juat worked an' bow I never knew
Th' big parade wss comln' by
At Ian o'clock an' bow at two
Th' big show opana, an' than be
Will taka a dollar out an' say
I'm 'bout as good as boy can ba
Till after circus anyway.
J. W. Foley In New Tor Tmmk,
Btwn Meal Maarhlaaja.
Au undoubted menace to health Is th
coutlnual munching of youngsters and
grownup. The child spends bis penny
or nickel at the fruit stand or tbe con
fectioner or baker, where, mora of
ten than not, the wares are adulterat
ed, open to dust from the street or
stuffy apartments. The mother takea
the edge from her dinner appetite by
mldafternoon confections and Ices and
teas. At the table wholesome substan
tial are passed by for toothsome des
serts because stomachs bare been al
ready overtaxed and taste hi tba only
Incentive to eating. Tba result Is dy
Iepsta and Its train of Ills, or. If noth
ing so apparent enaoes, nerve and
brain force are weakened. Tba good
old rule, "three meala a day and no be
tween meala," of orthodox mother
who are now grandmothers carried
Into affect today would set many a dis
ordered b ms !ic'd r!j':t n:id revolutbn
lr ('Np''tlon of innny a mnn, tto
mm ant child.
Waaaaaaa aa Carreary.
A etirlou old document showing bow
shelU In tba sbapa of wampum deteri
orated as currency on Manhattan Is
land la found among the minutes of the
court of burgomasters and ocbepena of
May, 1050, at tba meeting In Fort Am
sterdam, New Netherlands. Tba ac
count reads: "Whereas wa aea and for
some time bave seen the decline and
depreciaUon of tba loose wampum,
among which Is found much nnplerred
and only half finished, made of atone,
glass, bone, shells, born nay, eveu of
wood and broken therefore we bave
resolved that henceforth no loose wam
pum ahall be current unless strung up
on a wire. Trade wampum ahall past
aa good pay as heretofore at the rat
of alx white or three black beads for
1 sUver (3 rents). Done, resolved and
derided thla 30th of May. 1650, at our
meeting In Fort Amsterdam, New
Netherlands."
Rata as aa Arttrle of Diet.
Rata have uever found favor aa a del
icacy for Uie table In Europe or In thla
country, but In many lands they are
rellahed as an article of diet. The ne
gro slave of Jamaica need to regard
them as a dainty, their masters not
providing them with any other ment
Their method of rooking the toothsome
rodents wus to Impale each one on a
long wooden skewer after cleaning the
animal and cutting off the tall, turning
It briskly around over a fire until Uie
hair was all bnrued off. Then It wa
scraped until free from fur. and finally
the end of the skewer was stuck Into
the ground, Inclined toward the fire, un
til It was ton b tod dry aud crisp, thus
being made ready for the meal. Rat
may commonly be seen for sale In Uie
markets of any Chinese town, split and
pressed under a heavy weight ao aa to
look somewhat like dried fish. In thl
shape the plgtalled 0 lental buys them,
soak them In water and then boll,
roasts or fries them.
The Deal Ha Waitai
"I expect a great deal from you," k
aald aa he looked knowingly at tn
gentleman across th table.
All riant" renllad th other.
And he dealt him four kings, but had
the forethought to deal four acea te
himself.-Baltlmoro American.
Alias, tail
A humble tailor Poath had caught
Tt by his grave wa stood and thought
How much w ewaa aim.
Philadelphia Presa
Cures Winter Cough.
J. E. G rover, 101 N. Main street, Ot
tawa, Kas., write ; "Every fall It ha
been my wife's trouble to catch a se
vera cold, and " therefore ' to cough all
winter long. Last fall I got her a bot
tle of Horehound Syrup. She used it
and has been able to sleep soundly all
night long. Whenever th cough troubles
hr, two or three dose stop the cough,
and she Is able to be up and well" 5c,
50c, $1.00. Sold by Frank Hart, drug
gist.
Th fiery af DaaL
In bis "Dueling Stories of tba Six
teenth Century" Brantome, a Fretvb
writer, aays that two French captains,
though old friends, fell out and fought
One of them was disabled. "The oth
er, being untouched, observed: There,
thafs enough for old friends like us.
Tou'd better go and attend to your
wounds.' To this Uie ranijnlntied one
replied: 'Well, you tulght as well do a
bit mora for me. Juxt pretend to ba
wounded and wear your arm In a allng
for a day or two, so that I needn't be
considered disgraced nor any question
of that come up when they want to
reconcile us-that Is, if I survive.' And
tba victorious friend smeared some of
tbe other's blood on hi arm and went
about aaylng that be ws wounded, but
It was a mere nothing, and he only
wished his friend were Uie same. The
Utter recovered wltb some difficulty,
and they were afterward as good
friends as before."
Daae Rdaeatloa Payf
That la what a loving but sometimes
cynical New York mother Is asking.
"We have at last completed tba educa
tion of our son and belr," she says.
"Ha ba been graduated with sufficient
honors from college. He baa been sent
abroad for finish, culture and experi
ence, and now that be Is borne again
wa are atarUng him In business life.
Ha has begun In a downtown office and
msy be gaming much experience and
laying a sound business foundation,
but aa far as I ran find out be spend
the greater part of bla time In licking
postage stamps for a pittance a week.
While the pride of Uie family Is doing
this wa are paying ottr chef $100 a
month and expenses, aad now I ask.
Does education pay?" -New Tort
Times.
Cures Chill and Fever.
0. W. Wirt, Xaeoeodohe Texan,
says: "Hi daughter had chills and fev
er for three years; be could not find
anything that would help her till he
umhI Ilerhine. His wife will not keep
houe without it, and cannot say too
much for it" 00c. Sold by Frank Hart,
dmjfglht.
Th Astorisn, 75 cents a month.
Vra44 SO YEARS
EXPERIENCE
I X Xm
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"NilO CorvnioMTn c
Anyone wnitlim a akatrh and SMerlMlm mt
anlrklr aacartiiin oar opnK ffe bbr aa
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aant fnaa. Oldwt wane? fc Mcaimif pataota.
Mrtal without cbarca. la Ua
scutiwic flnKrican.
A aaadaomalr Hiaatraiad wart It. Tanaat rtr.
i.ii.. ni ... runtiaa farnL Teraia. H a
tMir 1 far montaa, L 8uU kj all aawadxaJara.
1J
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i
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J aTaT.i'aiara
Altoona, Pa., Juns ao, 1903.
I wss afflicted with Tetter In bad shape
It would sppear in blotches as Urge a m'
naod, a jeiiowisn color, and seal ofl
Yon can imagine how offensive it wss
For twelve years I wss afflicted with thb
trouble. At night it was a case of aerate!
snd many times no rest at alL Seeing; th
good the udidne was doing a tneai
who wss taking it for Eczema, I com
menced it and as a result the eruption ba
ran to dry up and disappear, and to-day
I am practically a well man. Only twe
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where once tbe whole body was affected.
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I am grateful for what it has acconv
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125 East Fifth Ave. Johx P. tMAM.
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I a a fniiyl nil laws wkare Taa Vttaia
aaaaa a arts at Qaaaar iilaim aaaat
pit awaaa a aaa la Mm tmmm at aa) taaatj.
oaa jaan mHe ante IwrlpSaa at aw,
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rewlM. imiIi pmm la Ik watflaa-mthat
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Prospective travelers deslrtng Infor
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