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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 19, 1905)
THURSDAY, OCTOBES 19, 1903. THE MORNING ASTORIAN. ASTORIA, OREGON. 3 Pilgrim Joe's Patent Remedy A Ftw Words About lilt Paia Alleviator Lettsrs to Provs Itl Valus. tCepyrlihl. 1M, by It a MrClurs.J ON aeveral occasions sluca 1 begun writing iuj Ufa for the U'lifflt of those who ma route after rue 1 bare referred, Id the moot niodiwt and di-llrate man ner, to my Pilgrim Tain Alleviator. While walling for Dew stork to ar rlTe, and being laid up with 1 boll 011 inj 'g at the aaine time, I pni'Mwo to take advantage of the opportunity to make Uie public further a''tisliid with the merlu of my wonderful remedy. fu Uie flrst plare, toy Allevlutor lius nothing whatever to do with roots, herlta and barka, It la rompum whol ly of drug and chemical and ran be uaed atther to commit aulclde or get well on. A the aole and original Inventor, I urn not around telling people what they bad better, do tn tilt matter. It In my business to aell tb Alleviator to any one having the catD.v In the second placewhere the Alle viator falls to cur It Is like falling off a bridge Into tbe water. If you don't drown, you" re bad the eiperlence any way. I claim for my remedy that It Is good for either sei or any color, and that It ran bo given to the babe In the cradle or fie old man In the chimney corner. Many ao called remedies are afloat that will not touch the cane of an Indian or colored man. Mine Include every body, even the members of tlie beef trust. You don't hare to keep In a cool nor a hot place-down cellar nor upstairs. Any old place will do. It Is like In (went on money In a taring bank worklng away for you nights, Sundays and holidays. No file settle on the corks of my bottles. Every cork' Is treated until It ran be warranted nonflyable. Thl fart alone Is as good as a mark down ale. Tbe t Kittle are mnde extra strong, and when the Alleviator I all gone they ran tie used for elderberry wine or to knock down harvest apples with. A murderer In Jollet prison writes m that they are far belter than annd bag aa a weapon to kill a country con stable with. My Alleviator ran be taken on full stomach, an empty stomach or on no atomarh at all, and that Is one of my strong potut. Tou don't have to carry Uie bottle around In your coat tall pocket and wait for something to hap pen. Junt pull the cork with your tevtb and begin to feel that life Is worth the living. J. D. of Milwaukee writes me: "1 found a bottle of your Alleviator under "a ootmciii or runt pootom aim 1 HAD TArXWOHM." saw log aud took tba contents at two doses. I bava been a different man sluca. I was aa near the grave as critter could be, but now I weigh 200 pounds and can put any man In tba county on bla back. Mrs. J. of Chicago writes: "I had been a widow for seven years, and ev ery man I got after got away, when a friend recommended your Alleviator, I bad no faith In It but aent on my niouey, and I bad taken only three loe of tba remedy when a Scandl navlan came along and proposed mar rlage, and I had htm fastened for Ufa within twenty-four hours, lis baa a mouth large enough for a horse. If 70a bava any remedy for that please end It along." Peter Jonea of Ellendale, N. D, writes: "For twenty-three years I waa called tb laalest man In Dickey coun ty. I even got too buy to tall a good lie when Uie crowd of us gathered at the grocery la tba evening. I waa asked to take two doses of your Alle viator and waa too laay to refuse Within tan minutes I waa home chop ping wood for the Brat ttma In my Ufa and was np at 6 o'clock next morning making garden. I am so full of energy and ambition that I can't keep still Tonr remedy has changed my whole future, and If yon are aver In this part f tba country I want the privilege of shaking handa with you. My wife la down on bar kneea thanking heaven as I write thla." There are certain drugglata who will tall yon that something else la Just aa good aa my Alleviator. Call them liar at onca. Nothing ever Invented can ake tba place of It I bava been asked If the feeling of xultaUon that come after the first dose has been down about five minutes U due to nlcnhol. It Is not Tba effects are not temporary, but permanent Where t oa And a tin peddler offering MUm n t BO called Pilgrim l'aln Alleviator I ware of tilm. Ilia pan will k-ak ami tbe handle coma off bla dipper. Ills Alleviator la a fraud, composed mostly of ginger and molasses. If you have a headache. If you have a backache. If you bava flying pains, If you feci despondent. If the book ho refused to renew your note, If you have been thrown down ker plunk. If life seems to be one drear and sandy waste, If you liuve anything all you, phys ically or mentally, from a soft corn on your toe to disappointment In matrimony, don't wait for tbe lea of next January. Hend to the nearest druggist for a bottle of tbe Alleviator. If the druggist says he doesn't keep It and wouldn't be found dead with It on his shelves, send direct to me. I will not only forward tbe Alleviator by axpresa, but hire some angular cuss In your Immediate neighborhood to punch that druggist's head. Why dawdle your life away when one bottle will give you tba amblsbun of NspoleonT Why suffer physically or mentally when the very first doe will make you feel like raining tbe hired glrl'a wages? If kicked by a mule, If kicked by a man. If blown up on a steamboat, If you have been lied about, If you have been slandered, If you have lost your dog or yoar wife b eloped. If anything has happened besides the bogs getting Into the garden and root ing up tbe potatoes, then turn to my rilgrlm Tain Alleviator and forget It Henry Khlno of Racine writes me: "My gratitude Is such that you may make free vm of my name. Two moutha ago a council of three doctors aatd I hud tnpeworm. Thereupon my wife ran away, some one stole my dog and the hoitHe burned down. It was supposed by all that I could not aur rive Uie Nhock, but unknown to me a friend of mine scut to you for a bottle of your Alleviator. After Uklng four doses 1 chased Uie doctors out of town. After taking one bottle I found my dog. and before tbe third bottle was gone I bsd overhauled my wife, boxed her eara aud made arrangement for a new and better bouse. No other rem edy but your could have acted In this manuer, and I want tba world to get the beneflt of my experience." Do not delay. Keep a bottle of tho Alleviator In tba bouse. If used In time It will quench an In cipient conflagration. Look for the picture of rilgrlm Jo on tbe wrspper. See that bla name la blown In tba glasa. M. QUAD. A Im4 Kaaekaat. "1 know well enough, fellow cttt- en," exclaimed the fierce browed, shaggy haired orator, "that tba vlewa 1 advocate are not Dooular. Not ten days ago, while advocaUng tbem from public platform, I was struck In the bead by a brick and knocked sense less." "Why didn't you wait till yon got your sense back before you went to talking again r lnoulred a man in the outsktrta of the crowd In a loud, rau cous voice. Chicago Tribune. Narrow Eaeape, "My baby," said the husband of a prominent club and society woman, "hod a narrow escape yesterday." "Iudeedr exclaimed the friend of the family. "How was that r "The nunegirl thoughUessly left It alone with tta mother for nearly an hour," explained the husband and fa ther. Chicago Newa. She Aato Stos Thl. Miss Flip Mr. Muun'a auto hi worth a million dollars. Miss Wuuder What? An automobile worth that much? Miss FIlD-Wbo said anything about an automobile? I meant hi autograph. -Baltimore American. Hot Raaal-. "Do you think time la money r aald Blffson. "Can't be," replied Bangs. "They say tbere'a no end to tlroe-and I'm broke."-Detrolt Free Press, ilabbr'a Joke. Mr. Waggs-You wouldn't think It would you, but ahe'B In love with a man who'd alnk to any depth for money. . Mr. Wagga-Orachwa, a prtre Ugh art Mr. Waggs-No, a direr. The Spirit of Reform. I'M fotn' to be a bettar boy Than 1 have aver bean before. Tin coin' to be a araatar Joy To ma an' love hr more an' mere, I'm goln' to work an' navar raat No matter how 1 want te play. I'm going to do my vary beat Till after circus anyway. Whan pa sat ma If I won't ran An errand for him, avan Wan Tn' asm were playln' ain't quit dona, I'll start off Juat aa quick, an' than Ila'll be su'prlaMl f think I don't Bar. "Aflar 'w'lle." An' I won't say, I'd ruthar not r, "Can't" ev, "Won't Till after circus anyway. Ho matter If the work is hard. I'll never make a fuss at alt I'll pile the wood an' rake th' yard No matter If they're playln' ball. An' w an thy call ma tn at Blent I won't stand out In front an' say, "Oh, Juat minute moral" 'Tsia't rlght- Tlll altar circus anyway. No matter If there's lota o pie. I won't est for anutbev place. I'll fold my napkin up w an I Oat dona an' say, "Escuae Bta, ploaae." I'll try to keep as nice an' clean As a boy outfit to ba an' pray Not evar to ba cross an' maaa Till aflar clroua anyway. An' than Wen It comas circus day I'll Just p'tnd that I forget An' Waa ma looks at ma I'll say, "I didn't know It's com In' rati" An' than she'll sort o' smile at me. But I'll Just work an' never eay A word, eus that's th' way to be TU1 after clreus anyway. Than maybe she'll tall pa bow I Juat worked an' bow I never knew Th' big parade wss comln' by At Ian o'clock an' bow at two Th' big show opana, an' than be Will taka a dollar out an' say I'm 'bout as good as boy can ba Till after circus anyway. J. W. Foley In New Tor Tmmk, Btwn Meal Maarhlaaja. Au undoubted menace to health Is th coutlnual munching of youngsters and grownup. The child spends bis penny or nickel at the fruit stand or tbe con fectioner or baker, where, mora of ten than not, the wares are adulterat ed, open to dust from the street or stuffy apartments. The mother takea the edge from her dinner appetite by mldafternoon confections and Ices and teas. At the table wholesome substan tial are passed by for toothsome des serts because stomachs bare been al ready overtaxed and taste hi tba only Incentive to eating. Tba result Is dy Iepsta and Its train of Ills, or. If noth ing so apparent enaoes, nerve and brain force are weakened. Tba good old rule, "three meala a day and no be tween meala," of orthodox mother who are now grandmothers carried Into affect today would set many a dis ordered b ms !ic'd r!j':t n:id revolutbn lr ('Np''tlon of innny a mnn, tto mm ant child. Waaaaaaa aa Carreary. A etirlou old document showing bow shelU In tba sbapa of wampum deteri orated as currency on Manhattan Is land la found among the minutes of the court of burgomasters and ocbepena of May, 1050, at tba meeting In Fort Am sterdam, New Netherlands. Tba ac count reads: "Whereas wa aea and for some time bave seen the decline and depreciaUon of tba loose wampum, among which Is found much nnplerred and only half finished, made of atone, glass, bone, shells, born nay, eveu of wood and broken therefore we bave resolved that henceforth no loose wam pum ahall be current unless strung up on a wire. Trade wampum ahall past aa good pay as heretofore at the rat of alx white or three black beads for 1 sUver (3 rents). Done, resolved and derided thla 30th of May. 1650, at our meeting In Fort Amsterdam, New Netherlands." Rata as aa Arttrle of Diet. Rata have uever found favor aa a del icacy for Uie table In Europe or In thla country, but In many lands they are rellahed as an article of diet. The ne gro slave of Jamaica need to regard them as a dainty, their masters not providing them with any other ment Their method of rooking the toothsome rodents wus to Impale each one on a long wooden skewer after cleaning the animal and cutting off the tall, turning It briskly around over a fire until Uie hair was all bnrued off. Then It wa scraped until free from fur. and finally the end of the skewer was stuck Into the ground, Inclined toward the fire, un til It was ton b tod dry aud crisp, thus being made ready for the meal. Rat may commonly be seen for sale In Uie markets of any Chinese town, split and pressed under a heavy weight ao aa to look somewhat like dried fish. In thl shape the plgtalled 0 lental buys them, soak them In water and then boll, roasts or fries them. The Deal Ha Waitai "I expect a great deal from you," k aald aa he looked knowingly at tn gentleman across th table. All riant" renllad th other. And he dealt him four kings, but had the forethought to deal four acea te himself.-Baltlmoro American. Alias, tail A humble tailor Poath had caught Tt by his grave wa stood and thought How much w ewaa aim. Philadelphia Presa Cures Winter Cough. J. E. G rover, 101 N. Main street, Ot tawa, Kas., write ; "Every fall It ha been my wife's trouble to catch a se vera cold, and " therefore ' to cough all winter long. Last fall I got her a bot tle of Horehound Syrup. She used it and has been able to sleep soundly all night long. Whenever th cough troubles hr, two or three dose stop the cough, and she Is able to be up and well" 5c, 50c, $1.00. Sold by Frank Hart, drug gist. Th fiery af DaaL In bis "Dueling Stories of tba Six teenth Century" Brantome, a Fretvb writer, aays that two French captains, though old friends, fell out and fought One of them was disabled. "The oth er, being untouched, observed: There, thafs enough for old friends like us. Tou'd better go and attend to your wounds.' To this Uie ranijnlntied one replied: 'Well, you tulght as well do a bit mora for me. Juxt pretend to ba wounded and wear your arm In a allng for a day or two, so that I needn't be considered disgraced nor any question of that come up when they want to reconcile us-that Is, if I survive.' And tba victorious friend smeared some of tbe other's blood on hi arm and went about aaylng that be ws wounded, but It was a mere nothing, and he only wished his friend were Uie same. The Utter recovered wltb some difficulty, and they were afterward as good friends as before." Daae Rdaeatloa Payf That la what a loving but sometimes cynical New York mother Is asking. "We have at last completed tba educa tion of our son and belr," she says. "Ha ba been graduated with sufficient honors from college. He baa been sent abroad for finish, culture and experi ence, and now that be Is borne again wa are atarUng him In business life. Ha has begun In a downtown office and msy be gaming much experience and laying a sound business foundation, but aa far as I ran find out be spend the greater part of bla time In licking postage stamps for a pittance a week. While the pride of Uie family Is doing this wa are paying ottr chef $100 a month and expenses, aad now I ask. Does education pay?" -New Tort Times. Cures Chill and Fever. 0. W. Wirt, Xaeoeodohe Texan, says: "Hi daughter had chills and fev er for three years; be could not find anything that would help her till he umhI Ilerhine. His wife will not keep houe without it, and cannot say too much for it" 00c. Sold by Frank Hart, dmjfglht. Th Astorisn, 75 cents a month. Vra44 SO YEARS EXPERIENCE I X Xm . Oiatona "NilO CorvnioMTn c Anyone wnitlim a akatrh and SMerlMlm mt anlrklr aacartiiin oar opnK ffe bbr aa ta.witloti M pmbablr ftantM. JoainioiiK. U'u nctlr onnBdantUl. HASDBC01 on rautua aant fnaa. Oldwt wane? fc Mcaimif pataota. Mrtal without cbarca. la Ua scutiwic flnKrican. A aaadaomalr Hiaatraiad wart It. Tanaat rtr. i.ii.. ni ... runtiaa farnL Teraia. H a tMir 1 far montaa, L 8uU kj all aawadxaJara. 1J JUST A MOMENT! 5 c c We Want to Talk to You ABOUT BOOK BINDING We do it in All the Latest and Best Styles of the Art . . . j 58 48 Wc take your Old Magazines that you have piled away on your shelves and make Handsome Books of them fit to grace any library. We take your old worn out books with the covers torn off, rebind them and return to you good as any new book Let us figure with you on fixing up your Library Jj5 tS5 J8 The J. S. Dellinger Co., Makers of All Kinds of Books i Astorian Building Corner Commkl cial and 10th Street J aTaT.i'aiara Altoona, Pa., Juns ao, 1903. I wss afflicted with Tetter In bad shape It would sppear in blotches as Urge a m' naod, a jeiiowisn color, and seal ofl Yon can imagine how offensive it wss For twelve years I wss afflicted with thb trouble. At night it was a case of aerate! snd many times no rest at alL Seeing; th good the udidne was doing a tneai who wss taking it for Eczema, I com menced it and as a result the eruption ba ran to dry up and disappear, and to-day I am practically a well man. Only twe tiny spots are left on the elbow and shin, where once tbe whole body was affected. I have every confidence in the medicine, and frel sure that in a short time the two remaining spots will disappear. S. S. S. is certainly a great blood puri fier, and has done me a world of rood I am grateful for what it has acconv lished, and tnt that what I bave said ill lead otttrrs who are similarly afflict to take the remedy and obtain tbs tat good remtlta that I have. 125 East Fifth Ave. Johx P. tMAM. While wsshes, soaps, salve snd powden ! relieve temporarily, tney do not reacn tn real cause of tbe disease. 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