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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (June 10, 1905)
SATURDAY, JUNE to, 1903. THE MORNING ASTOMAN, ASTORIA, OREGON. 3 Stomach Troubles Cured I Haviiiif ttnrnumimloil u noultli B r.f womlirfiil utisoilicnt and curative 1 ryinrtli' fur th jnwllivi and permanent relief of almot every cbaraeUr f Httunni-b tn.til.iim, th iimleridgiH'd will gladly wild, ? prepaid, ronpleta ciiiirun of free treatment to ft limited number of sufferers, tint only roiiipNwntlim a.ktd U thn privilege of referring to the applicant (when cured) in orrt?Ktutu)iii( with ths future prospective ntft-nfa in their locality . . WO TESTIMONIALS SOLICITED. NO NAMES PUBLISHED. All that is required I your name, address, full particulars regarding your ca, accompanied by this off'"". ASSOCIATE!) DRUG STORES, The Morning Astorlsn. Are You Eligible to Attend I The Palace 7 The Astoria Restaurant. J. Q. a. HOWI.B Y. rrmidmit . 1. FBT&kMON,. Vice-President Astoria Savings Bank Capital Paid In 1100,000. Surplus and Undivided Prodta HMHfc Transacts a Urneral Hanking lluslncw. Interest I'ald on Tim. Dcplt. 168 T.nth Street, First National Bank of Astoria, Ore. ESTABLISHED 1880. Capital and Surplus $100,000 Weinhard's Uafszcr. WE WANT TO DOUBLE OUR SUBSCRIPTION LIST. THE "HOW" Of IT WILL INTEREST EVERYBODY, WHETHER THEY NOW READ THE PAPER OR NOT. WE ARE GOING. TO MAKE THE MORNING A8T0RIAN THE BEST NEWSPAPER PUBLISHED IN ANY CITY OF ITS 8IZE- WILL YOU HELP usr TELEPHONE MAIN 661 and I WILL CJLL AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. Emil Held Advertising and Circula tion Mantg.r, THE MORNING ASTORIAN. P. 8. If you live out of town write for our plan, LOUISVILLE, KY. THE ANNAPOLIS OK WEST POINT Military School If you are nn unmarried American boy between tli ages of 17 ami 23, of good habit aoe tan pa the iH'O'iomry iliyxit-nl examination, bar a knowledge of reading, writing, arithmetic, En glish grammar, IWaphy bltory of the United State. Tnlike iwwt oehoola the g otern ment allows you alHiitt f.VK) per year to defray all -xM'tiiM-. You reeeive a thorough military and academic education, and upon graduation may resign or swept a commission a lie utenanl, with promotion In the regular service. Further particular for four one ecst stamps by addressing H. W. PHILLIPS, Louisville Ky. The Best Restaurant. Regular Meals 25c. Kverythiug the Market Affords. Sunday Dinners a Specialty. Palace Catering Co. If you want a good, clean meal or if you arc in a hurry you should go to the Astoria Restaurant This fine restaurant is thoroughly up-to-date in every detail. EXCELLENT MEALS. EXCELLENT SERVICE CRANK PATTON, Cashier J. W. UAIlNtK, Assistant Cashier ASTORIA, OREGON 0. Hope Jones ; On Hard Cider He Lectures on Its Lamentable Effects to the Glizens of Locust VaUcy and Hods Along to the Next Town- ' C 1TI7.12X8 of Locust Valley-I rcflched this charming and p!lurejiie llttlo town 00 foot ome time after mid night taut night, and there was no com tultteo to extend the glad band and en band to toot a welcome. It even took Die half an hour to arouse the landlord of your somewhat somnolent hostelry and convince him tbat my cash capital was equal to a bumble bed and two or three following meal. 1 bear no mai lt, however, and If my sensitive feel ings were sort at the moment they nil tit una cum ocbolrs oct. have been soothed since by the uni form good will evinced by all classes of citizens toward me. "I am here among you to apeak on matter closely concerning your phys ical and moral welfare. I may say thaf It concerns your present happiness and your future state of bliss. I am no temperance fanatic who would burst In all the do-s of all the breweries and smash In all the doors of all the naloons, but I have a few words to say to you about oue lnrldloua drink in particular. "It Is not old rye whisky, which has slain Its hundreds of thousands and eaiijed the knees, of millions ore io waobie; it is not tna crnnay which leaves a thirst three feet long down the neck behind It; It Is not tbat brand of lager beer which causes brother to strike brother and sister to pull sister's hair. It Is that sleek, sly, artful and Invidious beverage known as hard ci der. Tou will be surprised, as others have been, to bear that It bltetb like a aerpent and stlngeth like an adder, but wait until yon hear what t have to say. "Let me draw you an everyday picture- picture to be met with at thoo sands of firesides every evening In the week-and I trust that some few of you st least wUI be affected to tears. If so, I shall be somewhat consoled as an offset to the fact that the receipts of the house this evening are only 40 cents In cash. "The farmer's toll' for 'tn dsy Is o'er. Ills beasts of burden have gone to tnelr feed and rest, and be haa fin Isbed bis supper and sat down to look over the family almanac and see when the next full moon Is due. Ills wife takes up her knitting, his son retires to the garret to scrape the fiddle, and the cat stretches out on the hearth rug and Is glud that she Is still alive. It la a quiet, peaceful acene, and the meat cold blooded villain could not look upon It without remembering the mother who used to pat him on the neaa and predict that he would some day be a preacher. "Suddenly the gray haired fanner, who haa aeen fifty years come and go, bcglus to hitch around aa If he had absently sat down on a hornets' nest lie drops the almanac; he becomes careless aa to the new moon; a thirst bcglus to rise up from his toes and make his ears tingle. Ills good wife gives blni a glance of reproach, and he hesitates for five minutes longer. Then be rises up snd remarks that he will step down cellar for a minute to see If the potato bugs are comfortable, and be passes out of the room, gets a four quart pitcher from the kitchen and a soon kneeling before the barrel of hard elder down cellar. "Alas, we ail know, what follows! The spigot Is turned, ttfe Satanic drink gurgles out, and the brimming pitcher is carried upstairs and Its contents quaffed with chuckles satisfaction between every twalkoWV "Tempted by the sight and smell. the farmer's wife gradually yields and at length downs a glass and asks for two or three mors. The son with the fiddle has an Intuition that there la hilarity going on downstairs, and hs ceases to scrape the walling strings and descends to claim bis share. Tbat quiet, peaceful picture of half an hour ago is turned Into a wild revel. Youth forgets Itself old age becomes reckless. The pitcher Is emptlM only to be promptly refilled, and when eight or ten quart have been disposed of Satan himself enters the room to make the fourth person present "lie tempts the old farmer to charge his wife with wearing out two pairs of shoes In the last three years and to twit her of a fiendish desire to send him. to tha.soQdi.Qus4 Eheretoj3aJbv mm cCargTnglliTTwItfi stingliass""anirpa7 Simony, and they are soon calling eab ether liars and home thieves. Then the son takes a band In. lit has never been to a circus or a Fourth of July celebration. IIu has simply been kept boelng corn from January to iJecember without a break to go fishing or see a balloon ascension. !! was permitted to buy a addle and crape on It solely In hopes that he atsjBtt eVlve the mice and rata out of the house, Under the excitement of drink be now demands $14 per month and board snd washing as a hired man, and, falling to get It be will run way. and become a cowboy or a pirate. Even If he gifts It be wants Saturday holiday and every Sunday evening to go and spark his girl. "My dear friends, must I tell yon what follows? I feel that I must but It Is with an aching heart and sncb of you ss sre overcome by your feel ing and are obliged to go out doors to get your breath back will be excus ed for the same. "Tbat hard cider, has got In Its fiead tt& work. The son forgets tbat be Is son tbe father and mother tbat tbey are parent and husband and wife. Tfcey Jaw, they wrangle, they call nsmes, they shake their flats under each eth er's nose, and Sstsn stands there and smiles snd urges them on. "Suddenly the wife and mother makes s grab for her husband's gray locks, and the scrap Is on. There are kicking and biting and hair pulling between the three for a few minutes, and then they separate for more mur derous work. The wife remembers tbat the butcher knife la lying on the kitchen table where she left It after slicing the pork for breakfast The fa ther remembers that the newly sharp ened ax Is at the door, and the son brought the family crowbar downstairs with him when be came, thinking It might be required to poke the Are. Two minutes Inter all are armed and dash ing Into the conflict, and there Is a ba. ha, ba! from Satan as the sharp steel cuts nnd the crowbar bruises. "Let us skip over a period of fifteen minutes. The cat who has lost her tall from a blow of the ax. Is looking around and wondering where It went Baton has seen his work complet ed there and has passed on to repeat It at Fanner Jones'. The father lies here, the, mother over there, the son gains! the front 5oor. All are dend. It Is needless to say that none of tbcm died of consumption or typhoid fever. Upstairs there is, spectacle to mnke a rhinoceros shed telrs; down cellar that barrel of hard cider Is still gurgling- and chuckling and waiting for fresh victims. It Is not satisfied with the three deaths, but Is lying low for the hired maq when he comes home from sparking his 8arah Jane. "I bars presented you with t terrible picture, but It Is on drawn from life and can be depended on. Barrels of hard cider are snuggled away In hun dreds of thousands of cellars, snd each and every one of them Is awaiting It victims. "Satan Is going around the country disguised as Uncle Bube and calling at every house as be goes. You need not go to the saloons and breweries of the towns to plant murder In your hearts and bring tragedy Into the fam ily circle. You bare simply to go down cellar and turn the spigot of that cider barrel The insidious beverage will do thereat There la sorrow In lager beer, grief In claret misfortune In old rye and tragedy In cognac, but when the bard elder gurgles look out for Satan and murder. "If you feel that you must have something besides good well wstef, and root beer falls to relieve that tired feeling, then turn to buttermilk. It nev er changes. As It was In the days of tbs prophets so It Is now. It soothes In the morning, comforts In the sftemooo and lies down like a lamb at night It may not Increase the yield ef buck wheat on the farm, but It will keep peace In the family and leave the cat to carry her full length of tail until old ago and a natural death overtake her. "My friends, I am done. I have given you 80 cents' worth of lecture for half that sum. and as the distance to my next town Is thirteen miles I bare got to get an early start to be there In time for breakfast and to post my bills. "If I have given you newer and high er Ideas. I rejoice. If I have foiled to convince you that It Is your duty on going home tonight to roll your barrels of bard cider out where the cows and calves can have a fair show at them, then I am sorry and tender my bumble apologies for taking up an evenlug which might have been spent In sorting over potatoes or playing checkers." M. QUAD. Special Round Trip Excursion Rat. for Aatoria Day at Lewis A Clark Exposition Tickets sold Jun. 8, and 10. 1 On June 8, 1 and 10 the A. ft C. R.R. will sell excursion tickets from Astoria to Portland and return at 12.70 for toe round trip, tickets good to return until June 20, and to accommodate Astori ans who desire to witness the evening exercises "Istorla Day" at the fair, the evening train of June 10 will leave Portland at 10:30 p, m. Instead of 7.00 p. m. A Bad Scars. Some day you will get a bad scare when you feel a pain in your bowels and fear appendicitis. Safety lies in Dr. Spaulding's New Life Pills, a sure cure for all bowel and stomach dis eases, such as headache, biliousness, cosi tiveness, ete. Guaranteed at Charles Rogers' drug store, only 25c. ' Try .them. DOING THEIR DUTY, Scores of Astoria Readers are learning . the Duty of Their Kidneys. To filter the blood is the kidneys' duty. When they fail to do this the kidnevs are sirk. Dftckache and kidney ill follow. Urinary trouble, diabetes. l)oan' Kidney Till curs the mall. J. lilake, whoso place of residence is C25 Market street, Portland, says: "I bought several boxes of Doan's Kidnev Pills and I scarcely think if the first had not proved satisfactory that I would have tried the second and third. I have uwd almost everything said to be s cure for weakened kidneys and bladder but nothing ever gmre me the satisfac tion I received from Doan's Kidney PilU. They are easy to take, have no effect upon the stomach or bowels snd act di rectly upon the kidneys. I thoroughly neiieve from the results I received and also from observation that Doan's Kid ney Pills are one preparation on tke market wbicb aat directly a repre sented." Emphatic endorsement can ba had right here ia Astoria. Drop into Cha. lionera' drug store and ask what his customers report For sale by all dealers. Price 60 cents Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, X. Y solt sgents for the United State. Remember the name, Doan's, snd take no other timid. Miss Bug Oh. dear, I'm afraid to go through those dark woods after hear ing all those ghost stories: New York American. Dying of Famine, is in its torments, like dying of con sumption. The progress of consumption from the beginning to the very end, is a long torture, both to victim and friends. "When I had consumption in Its first stags," writes Wis, Myers, of CearfofrS, Wd., "after trying different medicines snd a good doctor in vain, I at last took Dr. King's New Dicovery which quickly and perfectly cured me." Prompt relief and sure cure for coughs colds, sore throat, bronchitis, etc. Pos itively prevents pneumonia. ' Guaranteed at Chas. Rogers drug store, price 50c and $1.00 a bottle. Trial bottles free. LOW EXCURSION KATES. Via Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. Via Baltimore and Ohio Rail road. From Chicago to Asbury Park, X. J., and return, $21.35. Ticket good going June 29, 30, July 1 and 2, valid for return un til August 31 by extension. . Stop-over at New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Washington, Through sleeping cars to Asbury Park. Baltimore and return, $18. . Tickets good going July 2, 3 and 4. Valid for return until August 31, by extension. Stop-over at Washington. The only line that operates through trains. Send for circular to Peter Haway, Pacific Coast Agent, San Fran cisco. B. X. Austin, G. F. A., Chicago ( Consult your nearest ticket agent for details. . Huge Task It was a huge task to undertake the cure of such a bad case of kidney di sea!c as that of C. F. Collier, of Chero kee, la., but Electric Bitters did it. He writes: "My kidneys were so far gone I could not sit on a chair without a cushion; and suffered from dreadful backache, headache and depression. In Electric Bitters, however, I found a cure and by them was restored to perfect nealth. I recommend the great tonic medicine to all with weak kidneys, liver or stomach. Guaranteed by C Rogers, druggist. Price, 50 cents. THE ILLINOIS CENTRAL. Maintains unexcelled service from the west to the east and south. Making close connections with trains of all transcontinental lines, passengers sre given their choice of routes to Chicago, Louisville, Memphis and New Orleans, and through these points to the far east. Prospective travelers desiring Infor mation as to the lowest rates and best routes are Invited to correspond with the following representatives: B. H. TRUMBULL, Commercial Agent 143 Third St.. Portland, Ore. J. C LINDSEY, Trav. Passenger Agent, 142 Third St., Portland, Ore. PAUL B, THOMPSON. Pass'gr. Agent Coleman Building, Seattle, Wash. Cirls, if you want rod lips, laughing eyes, sweet breath and good looks, use llollister's Kojky Mountain Tf. The greatest beautifler known. 35 cents, Tea or Tablets, at Frank Hart's drug store. RECORD BREAKING WEEK AT THE star; All the Latest Attractions From the Best Theaters Matinee daily at 2:45 p. in. MELROY TRIO Clever singing and dancing comedy act TTfl GREAT LENART, Caaaspioa Wirs Walker KOSURE AND CIIAPUT, Comedy Sketch Artists. BABY FERN HART, The Woadejr of the Age on the Trspese ARTHUR EL WELL, Pictured Melody, 'Tell Me That Beau tiful Story." STAROSCOPE, "Unlucky Burglars" and "The Bigamist" Admission. Any Seat 10 cents. Cures Kidney and D!ad der Diseases In Every Form Many People Have Kidney Trouble and Do flot If now lie , , HOW TO FIMD CUT. It Is the function of the kidneys to filter tod puriry the bfoed which is constantly saasingthrohghHn'enl;- ,. : When the kidneys are out of Of clef the ither orgam are "affecVd immediately and you may have symptons of heart "trouble, stomach and liver trouble, and thef ailments, which are all owing to the kidneys being weak and out of order, j If you are sick Foley' Kidney Cure will strengthen and build up the worn out tissues of the kidneys so they will act properly and the symptons of weakness, heart, stomach and liver trouble will disappear and you will fee restored to perfect health. HOW TO FIND OUT. You can easily determine if your kid seys are out of order by setting sslde foe N hours a bottl. of the urine psssed upon arising. If upon sxamlnatioa It is :10udy or milky or has a brick-dust sed tment or small parti ales floagaeout ia It, your kidneys are diseased and Foley's Kidney Cure should be taken at ence. Foley' Kidney Cure is pleasant to take and acts directly upon the parts affected and you begin to feel better st once. It corrects slight disorders In a few days and it has cured many obstinate eases after ether treatment had failed. Doctors Said Hs Would Not Uvs. Peter Frey, of Woodruff, Pa., writes: After doctorin? for two years with the best physicians in Waynesburg, and still retting worse, the doctors advised me if 1 had any business to attend to I had bet ter attend to it at once, as I could not possibly live another month, as there was no cure for me. Foley's Kidney Cure was recommended to me by a friend, and I immediately sent any son to the store for it and after taking three bottles I be gsn toget better and continued to lnj prove until I was entirely well." Two Sixes, See sad 11.00. silo m mwmmwt: CHAS. ROGERS, Druggist NATURE SPARES The trickca Btw frota Grief. What a (fortunat. provision of nature It Is, that deprives tb. tw of mental suffering; for how poignant would be its rrlef to discover. In the height of It blooming glory, that a canker fed at It heart, and that It boautjr and fragTanc. wer. doomed forever. Nature always iparea the euffariiuj; ahe Is a veritable tore-house of pleasing rewards, for tho. who seek her aid. In the years ton. by falling hair and grayness have a a gioom over th. lives of thousands of young women, but thank to the In vestigations of scientist th. tru. caw of hair destruction 1 now known to b. germ or parasite that burrows Into th. hair follicles. N.wbro's Herplclds absolutely destroy this germ, thus permitting- th. hair to grow as na ture intended. Sold by leading drug gists. Send 10c. in stamps for sample to Ths HsrplcM. Co.. Detroit. Mich. Eagle Drug Store, 351-353 Bond St., Owl Drug Store, 640 Com. St., T. F. Laurin, Prop. "Special Agent." mm