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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (June 7, 1905)
WEDENESDAY, JUNE 7, 1903. THE MORNING ASTORIA V, ASTORIA, OREGON. The Cobbler And Societu ilk Old rnrnd Mr. Uinkman Advaes . ... "W. a ft Him to Get Into It For Business' Sake. OJCE dar then I dou't haf no cob- , bring to do und belief I shall -j bring up In der poorhouse my okl frenJ Piuktuau conies In mid says: "IUns. I toll you vbat vhas dor mat ter. Tub dou't make society cuou.eh. ScjKfcty means peesuess. Pit more so- eiefjr dor more jieosuess. If you enter tain society In dor eaventugs society fcrinjcs you shoes to mend by daylight "ttat how can I be society r I says. "S&sst ssn easy ash grease. Po you knarer That some phonographs vhasf "Seems to me I bear nboud her, but 1 annuo. Doea she safe 10 per cent In fluir "No, bo. She vhas some machine like corn shelter. You speak Into der hop- "I .SHOT IDC HOW SHE WORKS." Br, end younrolce conies back to you. I haf one at my house, und If you rhill elf fceMe party I vbill bring her oop mid ire. -shall hat more fun ash seven Costs tmd a nioukcy. You ctin Inwlte ten peoples, und dot vbill be sxiety 60 cuj speak to your v'ts r.b.iud her." 1 tnlk udl i:.t v.-:rt' fjr hnlf au lour. suA Hie riys It vli.:s ail right. After irajrirnstnd umu;:. all day ulJ mlmY thg der dog uad dor baby she likes so cfery. lu.dVrw venings. Dot pleases Mr. Dinkman,. ud der next night he vhas en hand mit his wife und phonograph, cad I haf eight more peoples. After we baf some beer und Ice cream und speak tcetle politics Mr. Dinkman stands map and says: "Lsdies and sbentlemen, dis party tbas glfen by Hans und bis wife to be a society nnd haf more shoes to cob tie. Sbe vhas a phonograph party, und Then she vhas oafer Hans vbill surel? Be In der swim." - Dot nates me nod my wife urn afcrxSodjr else feel good, und Mr Pbxju stand out somejnore lke r Correct Gothes for Men Outing Suits Double and Single Breasted, labelled Are on view daily from Atlantic City to Hono lulu, from Maine to Cali fornia. The makers' guarantee, and ours, with every garment. We are ex duiv agents here. WE: WANT TO DOUBLE OUR SUBSCRIPTION LIST. THE "HOW" OF IT WILL fNTEREST EVERYBODY, WHETHER THEY NOW READ THE PAPER OR NOT. WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THE MORNING ASTORIAN THE BEST NEWSPAPER PUBLISHED IN ANY CITY OF ITS SIZE.. WILL YOU HELP USf TELEPHONE MAIN 661 and I WILL ALL AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. Emil Held Advertising and Circula tion Manager, THE MORNING- ASTORIAN. p, S. If you live out of town write i . i IJfedgenjaminsio MAKERS JEWyRK fur sur plan.. levile mans und oTpialns doY m a oYifiio It vhas one of der greatest things or. earth. She vhas bigger dan Napoleon or Christopher Columbus. If der Span lu haf dot machine at Manila. lewey vhas gone In two minutes. If Blanco haf htm at Havana, we shall not take Cuba In one hoonered years. llukman makes It all so nice dot If ho asks me to lend him two dollar till next week 1 shall cheerfully do so. Yhen he doan't speak any more be says: "We shall now listen to dot song of 'Per Sweet By and By' ash sung by my frleud Hans a few days ago. 1 like to baf eaferbody keep still und shed some tears." He stands back, and der machine goes off, and In ten seconds my hnlr stands oop. Pot wolce vhas shust like my wolce, though It sings some songs I neffer heard. It vhas all about bow I met some young womans by der moonlight und der cider mill und bow my heart vhas breaking If she doan't fly avhay mlt me. Und vhen dot song ends oop It makes me say dot my old womsns vhaa cross eyed and red bead ed und I like her to fall down a well Eaferbody looks at me und can't make him out, und der old womans says she vbill see me lster about dot moonlight peesness. I tries to stop Mr. Dinkman by winking und shaking my head, but he goes ahead shust der same und says: "We shall now listen to anodder song by dot same German cobbler whose wolce you all know so well und who vhas like some nightingale. Sbe vhas a song called 'Pose Harbor Lights Vhas Burning,' und If anybody vhas crying Then she vhas finished It vhas all right und a great compliment to our trend. Now listen." Pot machine goes again, und dot song vhas all about an old sport who put his last dollar on a game of poker und though he held three aces he vhas bluffed out by a mans mlt only a pair of ten spots. Eaferybody turns und looks at me sgaln, und my wife vhas cry big und says It vhas better If I bang myself In der wood shed. I can't see bow he vhas, und I wsve my bsnd st Dinkman to stop her, but be only smiles nnd says: "Maybe dot singing vhas enough for one eavenlngs, ash It seems to haf made eaferbody werry sad und tear ful. I shall now let dot phonograph speak to you, und you vbill recognize der well known wolce of our friend who likes to gt Into society und cut a dash. Hear vot he says." Und dot speaking almost knocks me out Pot machine yells und whoops und swears like some pirates. It makes me call names on myself; It 1 makes me swear 011 my old womans I und der preacher, nnd It makes me say dot my good frend Carl Schmidt rhas a gny old sport a masher und bilker; It niukea me pitch Into l'eter Llttlefield und call bim a thief; It makes me say dot Henry Kllenfeldt stole cows; it yells oudt dot ail wom ans vhas gossips und liars und dot all men ought to be in state prison. 1 feel dot 1 like to be a t'ousand miles svhay und hit Dinkman mlt a club. But der baddeat vhus still to come. Der machine winds oop by saying dot Sing Sing vhas my boms und dot I don't care for nobody nor nottings so long ash I can get all der whisky I like to drink. I vhas so mad I like to go oafer uud kick it all to pieces, but my old friend Schmidt steps oop to me und says: "Hans, you vbill sit down some more und keep a leetle still. It you vhas some villains In disguise, und it seems like you vhas, it vhas time der poobllc knows about her. I haf known you feefteen year, und I belief you vhas a sober, hardworking mans, but It seems I vhaa deceived. I like to go out und get a policemans and baf you sent to shall." Und den Plnkman puts in und says be bears me speak a poem Into doti machine at 12 o'clock at night, vhcuj I should be home und In bed mlt my j wife. Dot poem vuas caiieu isiugeu on der Rhine," und he says I haf tears In my eyes ash I speak him. He likes eaferbody to listen vhlle dot machine goes ahead. Maybe I vhas not soocb a bad maus dot I cannot be reformed. Vhell, dot machine goes along, und I tell you I vhas like fainting avhay In my chair. It vhas soorh awful lan guage dot eaferbody turns pale und stands oop, uud vhen I calls out to stop her Curl Schmidt stands oop und wafes his hand to me und says: "Cobbler, I demand dot you keep quiet. Now dot I see vbat a villains you vhas I wonder dot you don't cut your wife's throat some night. Keep it oop. Mr. Plrikrnau. Let us know der worst alKut dls innns." Und Plnkman vhas so tickled dot he can't stand still. Pot phonograph makes me sing und swear some more, und It makes fun of all my friends und says I (shall run avhay from my wife next week. It sings und swears uud whoops und yells, uud by and by it calls out to all der peoples In a loud voice: "Hello, you crowd of Putch duffers! How you vhas? I like to see how you would all look In some dime muse umsr Mit dot eaferybody (thumps oop to go avhay, und my old womans falls down und wanfs to die right off. My friend Plnkman likes to go avhay mlt der rest but I catch him by her neck ind say: "Mv frond, I vbill now apeak some more Into dot phonograph. She vhas a wonderful machine. You vhas a shoker, und dot machine vhas a ahok er. Ha, ha. ha!" "How you mean?" says Dinkman. "I mean dot I vhas some sboker, too, und I now gif you anodder song. She vhas called 'How Dinkman (Joes Out doors,' und I show you how she works." Und I take dot shoker by her neck again und slam blm around und bang bim jwd .till., be ;;cnsfor. jjrr;. una y s lie vKTs sorry uud vbill neffer be unny again. He tells nil der peoples dot It vhas inly some shokes, but nobody believe din, und dot night my wife vhas faint ng avhay most all der time. It vhaa iwful bad for me. I dosn't get Into tome society, und I doant hat soma shoes to mend next day, uud Carl Schmidt says I lose my reputation und bring up In state prlsou for der rest of tny dayf. M. QUAD. Mental Effort. "It Is stated." we observe to the bald headed man, "tluit the hair of mental workers falls out sootier than that of men lu other line of cudeavor. Is your profession one of great meutal effort V "It certainly Is." ho replies. "I com pose the glowing advertisements of hair tootcs," Judge. There's the Rah. Prenier If I could only acquire s nice pile of money I wouldn't do thing but travel. Skemer Yes, but maybe the police wouldn't do t thing bnt stop you. Catholic Standard and Times. l'apa'a Idol. "How ridiculous for you to fall In lore wtth that srttst! I don't believe be ever sold a picture." "But papa, he says If be marries me he won't have to." FIlBbt of Wild Geese. hlsh heads our Wt hear your pinions hlit As nonhwarJ now you fly in arrows like thin Ohl'-aco Chronicle. Reaaooable Enuaffh. Mack-Why did yon ask her to In? Hlgbre I'd never beard her before. Judge. As to Frlead. Bom call him "faet;" I call him "slow.' Thi say that all h r' H stands rlKht off. I only know TBt way he pays his debts. -Philadelphia Press. For Porch and Summer Home Bamboo Furniture .gtves that refreshing touch to the weary and tired person. Settees, Roman Chairs, Hall racks, etc., etc.. Sf p In and ex amine the line. p(d you buy that Chocolate set yet? Yokohama Bazar 6 Commercial Street, Atorl TMC Can lie satisfied from among our im- mcnc MoeW of sheet music- the largest in the city-All the late Popular Hal- lads, XUu Time Melodies, Coon Songs. etc. A lo a large ass-orttiient of Classi cal .Music. We invariably retail All Popular Music at City Prices (one-half off). We ulso have over 40fKi copies of an edition of IOC music, excellent for be ginners. Come in nnd look over the stork. If we can not supply your want in the store, it will lie a pleasure to order it for you without extra charge. Latest Music in Show Window today and tomorrow. J. N. GRIFFIN Show window full of them. i y r Telephone your want advertisement to the olhoe of The Morning Ator tan. Telephone Main tWl. When you need help or want to sell ur exchange anything. StumlHsly limy be looking for work or wish to rv i-hange something for an article which you have. HELP WANTED. HOT WANTED TO WOltK IN printing office. Apply at Astorlun office. WAXTKD-A ;IRL KoR WKNKRAI. housework. Apply to Mrs. Lryde, 3!"S Commercial street. WANTKD-LAUY OR (iKNTI.KMAN of fair education to travel for a firm of fcr0,000.00 eapital. Salary, l. 072.00 s-r year and txrnso; paid weekly. Ad dress with stamp, J. A. Alexander, As toria, Oregon. DRESS MAKING. W A N T Kl ) E X 1' K U 1 K N C KI PUENS maker want a few private customer. Address Al, Antotian. FOR SALE-MISCELLANEOUS. 2 HORSES. WEIGHT 2400 POUNDS; true pullers; would be suitable for inlng; price. $120; for further par ticulars write or call on Wm. McCol- fam, Mayger, Or. FOR SALE H10II COUNTER. about 8 ftet long. Apply t Astor ian office. FOR SALE SECOND-HAND 7 COL umn nwsnaier outfit; complete cept !; cheap. Inquire st this of fice. INCUBATOR FOR SALE-400 EOOS capacity; also three 100 capacity brooders; first-class condition. Ad dress A. Astorlan Office. OLD PAPERS FOR SALE AT THIS Offlcs; Ho per hundred. SINGING. Voice Culture lAnJ Staging Instructions. Individual or class instructions. Special terms to classes tit three pupils, entering to gether. Private instruction at reason able ratts. MRS. R. E. PAS LAY, No. 477 Excbaage St., Phone Red M. HOU8E8 WANTED. HOUSE OF 6 OR I ROOMS WANT ed In good neighborhood. Conveni ent to center of town; rent reasonable; permanent. Address Emll Held, cat The Astorlan. REAL ESTATE. HERMOSA PARK LOTS, THE MOST exclusive property at Seaside, Ore. Facing the Pacific orean In Oregon's prettiest summer resort, thest lots are a good investment at $150 to l?r,0 earh. Inspection Invited. A. Gilbert, Jr. Seaside, Ore. Progress Shoes for Ladies arc the BEST $2-50 shoes made. We rmve Just re ceived a full line of th"e shoes, Lace and Rlucher. Vict Kid, patent leather tips. BILLY BUSTER SHOES for the boys have won't wear out. a ol that S. A.GIMRB Tine Boots and Shoe 643 BOND 8TREET, ASTORIA. tS Situations Wanted Advertisements Twice Without Charge. ONE FIRM HAD THREE I Answer to s Help Wanted Ad vertisement lu One Day. Answ ers were in before noon. One cant got the job, s elerkshlp In a Grocery Hu re. (juiok Results are Ubtauud by Advtrtlilng la th Waul Column! ol The Motnlnj Attoriea. i DAILY 7.000 READERS MM FOR RENT-ROOMS. FOR RENT LAROE FRONT ROOM; fire and electric llht; finest view In city. Addres C. A., Astoilan. FOR KKNT-rVUXINHltt) ROOMS Kinpiire M.I Exchange. FOR KENT THRKK FCHX1SHEU hoilpe keeping rooms. K. Sherman, 21 A.lor street. tl 3 tit BUSINESS DIRECTORY BILLIARD HALLS. Occident Hotel Bar 01 Billiard Hall. Tables New and Everything First Class. Finc it brands of Liquors and Cigai-s ELECTRICIANS J6 Makes estimates and execute orders for all kinds of electrical Installing end repairing. Supplies in Stock. We sll the celtbieted SHELBY LAMP. H. W. Cyrus, Manager. 428 BOND ST. PHONE 1161 LAUNDRIES. The Troy Laundry The only white labor launoVy In the city. Does the best work st reatonabl prices and is in vry way wcrthy of your patronage. 10th snd DUANE St., Phone 1991. MILK DEALERS. Milk Inspectors . of New Yk city have just completed an invent ipition of the buildings in which milk for the general consumer i handled. We never fear the critical eye of the inpector or visitor. We keep our buildings nnd OUR MILK PURE. Morning or night delivery. THE 8LOOP-JEFFERS CO., 10th and iJuane street. MEAT MARKETS. FRESH AND CURED MEATS Wholesale uud IleUill Ship, Logging Camp and Mill Sup plied on Shoit Notice. Live Stock Bought and Sold. Washington market CHRISTENSEN 4 CO. Central Meat Market G. W. Morton t Jno. Fuhrnwn, Prop'. CHOICEST KRESH AND SALT MEATS PROMPT DELIVERY. 642 Commercial St Phone Msin 321 RESTAURANTS. first-class meal for 15c; nice cake, coffee, pie, or doughnuts, 5c, at U. S. Restaur ant. 434 Bond St. BEST 15 CENT MEAL. You can always find the best 15-cent meal in the city at the Rising Sun Itcstaurant. 012 Commercial St. ion ill works KOLUilibySi'' Inserted BROKERAGE. C. J. TUKNCHAHD Real Estate, Iniursnee, Commission nd shipping' CUSTOM HOUSE BROKER. Offies 133 Ninth Street, Neat te Justle Offles. ASTORIA, OREGON. -, ... I HOTELS. HOTEL PORTLAND PORTLAND, ORE. Finest HsUl In the Northwest The Tired Traveler la ever happy to And a comfortable stopping place. Where to put up Is the prevalent question after a long Jour ney. tsu can aoive tne problem in Astoria by going to the PARKER HOUSE Whose genial host, Mr. T. 3. Urosm-" ft, la an experienced hotel man and who on April 1 took charge of this popular hostelry and has Inaugurated a nw feature to the house by opening the dining room In connection with the hot.il and Is now able to give Ms pat rone board and lodgings, the best In Astoria, for tl and II JJ per day. Sat isfaction guaranteed. Rooms st , to, 75 and tl. Fws bus to snd from the hotel. J. T. BROEMSER. FURNITURE. ROBINSON & H1LDEBRAND Goodman Bldg. &M Commercial St FURNITURE, Carpets. Bedding, Stove, Matting, Window Shad, LINOLEUM, Eto. PLACK8MITHt. ANDREW ASP, Blacksmith. Having Installed a Rubber Tiring Midline of the IsUet palter) I am prepared to do all kinds of work at reasonable price. 12th and Duane St. WOOD YARDS. WOOD! WOOD! WCODl Cord wood, mill wood, boa wood, sny kind of weed st towt ariose. Kelly, the transfsr man. 'Phone 2211 Bleak, Bsrn en Twelfth, opposite seers keuss. PROFESSIONAL CARDS. PHYSICIANS. T A V TITTTf V tl t PHYSICIAN AND MUHQEON A Attn ABaltlAfit ilftraanA U.S. Martut UiMpltal Mrvloc. V el e A mm - . m umce uuure; jv 10 u s.m. 1 IO i:iv p.m 477 Commercial Street, Ind Floor. ' OSTEOPATHISTS. Dr. Kh.Hlu c. Hicks. pr. J. v HnyUcr OSTEOPATHS. Office Munell Hid. Phone Dlack 2065 573 Commercial St., Astoria, Ore. DENTISTS. DR. T. L. HALL, DENTIST. 524 Commercial Hi Aotoriii, Oteson. Dr. VAUGIIAN, Dentist Pythian Dulldinir, Astoria, Oregon. Dr. VV. 0. lXXiAM DENTIST 578 Commercial St., Bhanehan Building BUSINESS COLLEGES. Bchnke-Wolker Business College. Stearns Building, Portland, Oregon, Our Graduate art All Employed. We placed 25 pupils in lucrate pos tion during the month of May. Vy SEND FOR CATALOGUE.