FRIDAY, MAY 12, 1905,
THE MORNING ASTOIUAN, ASTORIA OREGON.
0Y
A.
G
I
M
R
BALL.
E
Call
t
The
Astoria
Restaurant.
ASTORIA IRON I WORKS
JOHN FOX, Fret, and Sort. A L. FOX, Vlee Pres.
F L WallOP. Secretary ASTOIil A HAVINGS BANE, Treu
Designers and Manufacturers of
THE LATEST IMPROVED
Canning Machinery, Marine Engines and Boilers
Complete Cannery
CORRESPONDENCE SOLICITED.
Scow Bay Iron 8 Brass Works
Manufacturers of
Iron, Steel, Brass and Bronze Castings.
General Foundryinen and Patternmakers.
Absolutely firstclass work. Prices lowest;
Phone 2431 Comer Eighteenth and Franklin
HOTEL PORTLAND
The Finest Hotel
PORTLAND
Reliance
Electrical
Works
H.W.CYUC8,
Manager
Sherman Transfer Co.
HENRY &HERM AN, Manager
Hacks, Carriages Bagtrag' Checked and Transferred Tracks and
Furniture Wagous- Pianos
433 Comraerdi.1 Street
ASTORIA SAVINGS BANK
Capital l'alJ lo 1100,000. . Sarplm and Undivided Proflta 35.00C
TransaeU a general banking builneaa.
J. a A. BOWLBt, O. X. PETERSON.
President Vioe President ' Cashier. . , Asst. Cashier
J AS TENTH STREET, ASTORIA, ORE.
The MORNING ASTORIAN
60 CTS. PER MONTH
Astoria's Best
Guarantees to its Advertisers
a Lanier Circulation than any
Paper Published In Astoria.
Our BooRs are Open
Our Advertisers
Has always iu stock a
' fine assortment of
Boots and Shoes
BRAND RUBBER BOOTS.
and See. - Bond Street.
If you want a good, clean meal or if "you
re in a hurry you should
go to the ,
Astoria Restaurant
Thil fine restaurant it thoroughly up-to-date
In every Retail. . ,
EXCELLENT MEALS.
EXCELLENT SERVICE
J
Outfits Furnlshe
Foot of Fourth Street. Aitorla, Ore
In the Northwest
OREGON.
We are thoroughly prepared for making
estimate aud executing order for
all kluda of electrical installing aid
repairing. Buppltee in atock. We
tell the Celebrated SIIELBT LAMP.
Call op Phone 1 16L
428 BOND STREET
Moved, Boxed and Shipped.
Phone Main 12
Interest paid on time deposit. '
FRANK PATTON, J. W. OA NEB
Newspaper
to Inspection by
STARTS A CAMPAIGN
Bowser Gets Excited Reading Ar
tides on Pure Food.
THE COMMISSIONER'S REPORT
Misconstrues Articles Appertaining to
Pure Food and Goes to the Butoher
and Grocer and Rale, a Ruction
for Selling Adulterated Food.'
M'
Ik DOWSER bad come home in
good nature and eaten
beany dinner and found no
fault, and Mra. Bowser was
paring the way to ask him to drop In
to a neighbor's with her for an hoar or
two when he opened his erenlng pa
per and bad scarcely glanced at the
headings when he exclaimed:
"By John, but they are at It again.
are theyt"
"What Is Itr was asked.
"Did you read this report of the pan
food commission)"
"No."
"Well, there are about a thousand
men In this country who ought to be
hung up by the neck without trial
The commission reports that out of
flfty-two articles of food examined
each and erery one was adulterated.
They did not find one single sample of
beer, wine or whisky that was pure.
Sugar, flour, coffee, tea, milk all were
adulterated, and some of the Jama and
BIB, I AH OBLIGED TO CALL TOO A
BOOUHDUELT
preserves were positively Injurious to
health. I say Uiut those rascals ought
to bo hanged."
"Arcu't there laws against adulters'
Hon?" anked Mrs. Bowser.
'Of course there are laws, but the
scoundrcla innuago to evade them In
one way or another, and they will con
tluue to do so until more radical meaa
urea are taken. Every uousenoiuer
ought to go fur them with an ax."
"1 wouldn't get excited about It If
were you."
How can I help It? Here Is a case
where they found teu pounds of bone
dust In fifty pounds of flour and an
other where a package of supposed
Java coffee contained not one ounce of
the real thing. Can I help bat get ex
cited when I read these things) Who
knows what bones were ground np In
that flour) Why, by thunder, they may
bare been the bones, of that old horse
that fell dead at our gate last sum
mcr."
"It Is dreadful, but I don't see what
you can do about it"
And bow much of that Impure food
comes Into this bouno, Mrs. Bowser-
bow much) You do all the marketing,
and do you ever tako any palna to find
out what la pure and what Is pal
Boned)"
"How can I) We want oatmeal and
I buy a package. We want sugar and
flour, and I buy them. How can I tell
whether they bare been adulterated or
notr
"How can you). Uow can you) But
It Is your business to find out these
things. Bay, now, there's the keynote
of the whole thing."
"What thlngsr
"The way Pre been feeling for the
last five years. Pre laid It to rbeuma
tlsm and a dosen other things, and Tre
been examined by doctors and paid out
hundreds of dollars, and nothing has
helped me because Pre been a victim
of food poison all the time. The possle
Is solved at last"
"But Pre eaten Just what yen have
and have felt no 111 effects," she an
swered.
Thefe nothing to do with It Be
cause you have a stomach like a horse
It dont follow that I must have. Tea,
Mrs. Bowser, for years and years you
have been poisoning me with the food
brought Into this bouse. And there's
another thing-how much clear bone
has been contained In the meat bronght
Into this house In the last year?"
"Why, how should I know?"
"But It Is your business to know,
Tou have a aet of scales In the kitchen,
lias the butcher worked off a ton of
clear bone on yon In the last twelve
months bone that we have had to pay
for at the rate of 20 cents pound r
"Tou never told. me. to welghthe
Me. and yb"n know thaf no Butcher
wfll sell meat wfthwit some fmne.""
'Mrs. Bowaer, It was yonr btnlnww
as overseer of this house to weigh ttmt
bone and keep track of the amount,
and that yon have not done so proves
that yon have no care for my purse.
Did yon ever ask the grocer whether
the flour yon were ordering was pure
or mixed with bone dustr
"I-I don't remember.1! ;
"Did you ever throw out bint that
If we found sand In the sugar It would
be the last order he would get?"
"No. He would have felt Insulted."
"Insulted be hangedl I'll make a Jit-
tie trip around this neighborhood and
see who'll feel Insulted. By the seven
wall eyed cats, but If they think I'm
going to stand for such things they'll
have tbrtr eyes opened!"
"What's the one of going around and
raising a fuss when yon know It can't
do any good) Let the government get
after tnese men and punisa teem as
they deserve." ,
"I'll show yon what good It'll do, and
I am no man to wait for the govern
ment when a thing la to be done."
"Mr. Bowser, you are foolish. If yon
will waif- ,
But he wouldn't He pulled on his
overcoat and away he went The
butcher was the first one visited. lie
was leaning on bis cleaver and wonder
ing bow many of the beads of the Chi
cago meat trust wonld be sent to Jail
when Mr. Bowser blew In and began:
"Sir, I have paid yon hundreds and
hundreds of dollars this last year for
bones the bones of cows, steers, abeep
and hogs and I'll be hanged If you get
another cent out of me! Tou either
send me clear meat or you get no more
of my custom."
"Tou give me a pain. Bowser."
"What's that) Don't think to turn
me off that way, sir. What with the
adulterated food sold on every side and
the old bones you ring In on ns the peo
ple are being regularly highway robbed.
If others want to stand It, well and
good, but don't try It on me any long
er. I'm patient and long suffering, but
there comes a time at Iaat when the
worm turns."
"Tou'd better buy liver all the time.
There's no bone In that"
"And jfou'd better go out of the
scoundrel bualneaa before you bring np
Iff state's prison! When I want liver,
sir, I will buy liver. Good night sir!"
There was no doubt In Mr. Bowser's
mind that he bad given the butcher a
good polishing off and there' would be
no more bone sent with his orders, and
his next visit was to the grocer's. lie
was given a pleasant good evening, but
In response be replied:
"Sir, have you got one single article
of food or drink in thla shebang which
la not adulterated V
"I think so."
"Well, I don't Tou, sir, have been
killing me by slow degrees for the last
five years, fcvery article Mrs. Bowser
has ordered from you baa sapped ,t
my health. Tou have - known right
along that you had bone dust In your
flour, aand In your sugar and chicory
In your coffee, and yet you bave war
ranted them pure nnd wholesome. Sir,
I am obliged to call you a scoundrel!"
"There are certain things I can rec
ommend," quickly replied the grocer,
who knew pretty well how to take his
mnn.
"I don't believe It I don't believe
you con show one thing which aomo
unhung scoundrel has not tampered
with.
"There are the potatoes, turnips and
onions."
"Don't beg fe question, air. I called
here to say that the next time you send
me adulterated goods I will take your
trail and follow It until the doors of
prison close upon you."
"I will try to do better, Mr. Bowser."
"See that you do, air see that you do.
It Is only now and then that I take
the law Into my own hands, but when
I do such men aa you want to look out
for me. Don't drive me to the dead
line, air."
There was another place to be visited.
and Mr. Bowser walked In on the coal
man, who was, at work on his books,
and said: -
Sir, In the last year yon have cheat
ed me out of hundreds of dollars by
sending me ahort weight."
Sir," replied the coal man as be laid
down his pen, "you are an Infernal
liar!"
"What! What!" .
"An Infernal liar, sir!"
They went outdoors together and bad
struggle for life. At the finis of it
Mr. Bowaer was borne homeward at
the hands of two men, and when they
reached the front door one of them said
to Mrs. Bowser, who answered the
ring:
"Are you the wife of Mr. Bowser)"
"Tes, sir."
"Short, fat, baldheaded man who la
always kicking)"
"Tea."
"Then here he Is, and you'd better
take him In at onee." M. QUAD.
Aa Awful Jolt.
Be Some men art only witty when
they've bad a glass or two of wine.
She According to that I suppose.
yon never drank a drop In your Ufa.
The Pledge,
HEKEVEP. you have eroirt your
fwurt an' hoped to die. an' 'en
Tou so an' tell a aecret 'at yen
aid you won't, an' when
No
mutter even If your sweetheart aats
you to you tell
What you have croet your heart about an'
scored you'd kfp It w.-ll.
You'll never get believed again, no matter
what you do; -Nobody
ever trusts you, ajf the boys all
lay (or you
Whenever you go flahta', an they turret
go along.
t?us If you croes your heart aa tall It Is
a dreadful wrong.
Onet Henry Bom la told ma of a little boy
ha knew
Who croat his heart an hoped to die aa"
' swore he'd keep It true
An' went an' told tho teacher what be
croat his heart about
1st 'cus ha waa toady, an' the boys all
, found It-out '
go's alter that they hated him, aif whea
they're In a crowd
Aa 'he 'ad com around they'd call him
"tattle tale" out loud, , . ,.
An all of 'em would go away, aa Henry
Bands said '
He bet ha was so lonesome 'at he alxooat
wlebed he's dead.
'Cus when you croes your heart It la to
solumesteat thing
'At you can do, aa' evea If you was a
mltey king
Aa croat your heart aa' hoped to die you
' wouldn't nerrer daet
To tell what some one told you, but you'd
hav, to keep It faat
Aa 'locked up In your secret breast till
him 'at told you said
He'd talc the cross offn your heart, or
lee 'at he waa dead.
An' "en It wouldn't matter, but as long as
he waa mum
Tou'd never daat to tell It even to your
d parte t chum!
J. W. Foley la New Tork Time
Bow Cold Be BI Itf
1
Jimmy By Jove, Tm gittln' absent
minded! I clean forgot to go to school
terday!-New Tork World.
Oeorgle'a Poetle Thoaght.
Two three-year-olds, Frankle and
Goorgrle, were one glorious spring
morning admiring a magnificent bed of
pansles npon which hundreds of bios
aoms were turned to the eastern sun.
The children were looking Into the
pansy faces with tireless interest and
delight when Frankle discovered a bud
and exclaimed:
"Here one am t dot ner eyes open
yet"
Georgle, bending over, examined it
gravely, then In a voice full of sympa
thy said:
Toor little blind pansy!"
Aa aa Offset. .
"Why should governments Interest
themselves In the healthfulness or un-
bealthfulness of the food the people
eatr asked the man with the thirst for
knowledge.
"For tne reason," replied tne man
with the Information to give out, "that
when wars, automobiles, and grade
crossing accidents are doing eo much
to reduce the population of the earth
something has got to be done to main
tain the equilibrium." Chicago Trib
une. ; - ;; t
''' DtaappaJatitd.
"Luck never managea things Just
right," said the Irritable man who dis
likes music. " "It might Just as well
have been the other way around, but It
wasn t"
"What Is the trouble now?"
"My daughter who plays the piano
has a sore throat and the one who
sings has a sore finger." Washington
Star.
Placing the Slant a.
"Tills new form of spinal meningitis
seems to baffle yon physicians."
"Baffles la not the word, air. Nothing
baffles a physician." .
"But you dont seem able to cure Itr
"Oh, that's an entirely different
thrngt That's the fault of the disease,
not our fault," replied the medlc-Cln-
einnati Commercial Tribune. '
Aa tm the Mode.
Walter Did you order beef
a la
mode, sir)
Whltty (who has been waiting half
an hour) Tea. What's the matter)
Ilava you been waiting for the styles
to change) Catholic Standard and
Times,
Aa Artfal Doda-ar. -
Meeker Some of the stories Wlndlg
tells are hard to believe.
Blocker Oh, I manage to get around
that all right by refusing to believe
anything he sari. Chicago News.
Want ads in
The Astorlan always
bring results.
,4
The Lady of the
1 Ou
Gate and the Auto
"r HOOTIXO the chutes may be fnn
of the invigorating and Intense
, kind," said the man who ha
bad experience, "but it Is1 mild con
pared with the fun of shooting tollgate
In an auto. Coming from Tork to Lan
caster on one occasion while catting
across a corner of Pennsylvania a pair
of ns whirled through every gate till
we reached the final one at Lancaster.
We had done It that way not because
wv wiauau uj ueiroiKi mm roaa 01 urn
righteous receipts, but because we got
no response when we blew our bom
for somebody to come out and collect
the tolL We might have yelled "HeUof
as the custom of the horse drivers was;
but what did we have a born fort At
the Lancaster gate we were met by a
long and lank lady with a hatchet In
her face and a broom In ber hand, and
we should bave paused on aa before,
but she looked forbidding. "
'"'Hold op.' said she. !
"We're held np. said I, throwing
ber a fetching smile that failed to
fetch. "
" 'Pay yonr toll,' said she.
"Whyf said I.
' "'Because you won't get past this
gate tin yon do,' said she, standing bo
fore us with her broomacross her front
as an obstructing sentry holds bis gun
" They didn't charge us at any of the.
other gates.' said I, hoping to make bet
ashamed of herself by showing her bow
uiucu mure agreenuio sou uoupiiauie
ber fellow gatekeepers were.
" 'Oh, didn't tbeyr she snapped at
me. Then I'll Just collect for the whole
road. I'm the boss.'
"She was a truthful woman, whatev
er else she waa, asd we had to whack
np f or a string of tollgates about forty
miles long. I may add that the lady
seemed to think It waa quite eTnoefng.
We didn't"-Xew Tork Press.
. Anas mm thm Mmm.
Scene A well known school of mus
ketry. . ;
Captain (to sergeant Instructor, ex
plaining the theory and powers of the
new short rifle to squad of officers)
Tes, that's all very well, sergeant but
I find It difficult enough to understand
myself. How on earth am I to explain
It to my men) Some of them are only
halfwitted.
Sergeant Instructor Just explain It
to them the aame way as I'm explain
ing It to you, sir! London Punch. ' -
aeeoadiiaad.
She Arthur, I want to make a con
fession. He A confession! What Is It Dolly 1
She Fred Summers asked me for a
klsa.
He Tou don't mean to say you gave .
him one)
She It waa only one that yon gave
me. I thought you wouldn't care. Tou
con give me lota more, yon know.
Boston Transcript
Ber Rule of Hygrieaa.
I took my young daughter Genevieve,
five years old, to the doctor. When he
asked her where she felt sick she said
in her stomach. The doctor told her
It was something she put In her stom:
ach that upset her, so Genevieve Bald
bravely: "Mr. Doctor, I never put any
thing in my stomach. I alwaya put
everything in my mouth."
Health Reeort Note.
Portrait of a gentleman taking the
waters. Punch.
Park and Wasbmgton, Portland, Oregon
The School of Quality"
MODERN, PRACTICAL, COMPLETE
Opea all the year. Catalogue free '
A. P. ARMSTRONG LL. B.. PRINCIPAL
Students May Enter at Any Time.
In life Is yours If you meet us half
way In your work. Our graduates ar
all employed. We will place you In a
position upon graduation, we have
the reputation of being the leading
Business College on the Pacific coast
and the most thoroughly equipped west,
of Chicago. Open all the year.
Eend for our illustrated catalogue.
Free.
Bchnke-Wnlkcr
Business College.
Stearns Building, Portland, Oregon.