INDEPENDENT ON ALL SUBJECTS, AND DEVOTED TO THE INTERESTS OF SOUTHERN OREGON.
ASHLAND, OREGON: SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 187G.
LIVING.
W* can only lite once: an 1 death's terrors
With life’s bowers and roses entwine,
And our lives would bj darkened by error8
Did we even, like cats, 11 «e«e nine ’.
They You'd b*, perhap*, all of tnein wasted,
And be reckleee'y equ n lered away,
And not half of the jojs would be tasted
That one life can embrace mN day.
T idings , ard buying a—well, I won’t
say what; it wasn’t whisky—I set out
for the Benedict House, a mile or so
distant, arriving there in a drenching
rain. I had tbe pleasure of enjoying
the hospitality of Mr. Benedict ami his
good lady for the night. It is needless
for me to speak of thia old established
house, as its reputation for good cheer
is known throughout the entire land.
Although Mr. B., some two or three
years since, bad his
(
'
[Original for the T idings .]
LITTLE GERTIE'S PRACTICAL JOKE.
DOMESTIC ’’ECIVES.
night-clothing, and then at me ; but.
before he could give utterance to a
word, there came a ringing knock at
the door and a messenger was admitted,
who announced that Brinely, the por
ter, had been detected in an attempt to
rob his employer's safe, and. *• when
brought to trial, confessed that he had
committed tho theft of which I was ac
cused. As tbo door closed b- hind the
messenger Harry seized my hands and
exclaimed :
“ Forgive me old boy, that I ever
allowed a thought of mistrust to enter
my mind.”
That night I retired happy, and the
next week I resumed my old place at
Mr. Gordon’s.
*******
*
Many years havo passed since this
happened, but I have never forgotten
little Gertie or her practical joke.
PnEsrEvm P ears .—Cut tho pears
in half and take ort the cores. Place
them over the fire und boil them in a
little water until they are soft enough
for a fork to penetrate them. Take
them out und place them on a diah to I
drain. To each pound cf fruit allow
a pound of loaf f ugar ; add the sugar
to the water in which the pears were
boiled ; put in the fruit with tho rind
aud juice of a frosh lemon. Boil the
pears gently for fifteen or twenty min
utes ; t ike them out of tho syrup, lay
them on a broad di h until cold ; then
p’ace them carefully in glass j irs. Boil I
the syrup until thick enough, pour it
over the fruit hot, and seal up.
A ddle P ie .—Sprinkle “A” oatmeal
on barley Graham, uno-eighth of an
inch thick, on an oiled pie-dish, Leap
upon it carefully the cut apples, sweet
en, if necessary, aud pour over the
whole evenly as much water as i’ucre
was meal sprinkled on a dish. Then
level the surface by spreading over it
some stew ed apples,and over this spread
very thinly a batter mada liko gem-bat
ter, only thinner, using about equal
quantities of meal and water. Let tu’s
spread to the edge of tho dish, then put
in a good oven aud bake half an hoar,
or until the apples are tender. Servo I
warm or cold.
P lum P reserves . — Plums may be
preserved nice with the skins cn or off.
If on, they ehould be pricked at the
top and bottom with a largo need’s.
If yon take them off turn boiling water
over them. Prepare a syrup of a pound
of sugar for each pound of plums, lay
in vour fruit to simmer, not to boil ;
lot them remain in a scalding state un
til soaked through, at least two hours.
Then skim out and boil tho liquor
down about an hour. It must bo thick
to keep well. Tbo flavor will bo much
improved by boiling in tho syrup half
a pint of the kernels cracked-
G rade J elly . — Take tbo grapes
when ripe, put them ever tho fire iu a
preserving kettle, stir with a wooden
spoon until all have burrted, and the
juice flows freely from them ; Grain
through a thin towel ; measure, then
return tbo jnioo to tl-s fire, toil thirty
minutes, add three-quarters of a pound
of loaf sugar to each pint of juice, let
it boil up, take off any scum that may
rise. Pour into glasses ; when cold,
seal up.
M ilk C akf .—Ono cup sugar, one-
half cup butter, ono cup sweet skim
milk, one teaspoonful soda, and a little
seasoning. This makes a very nico
cake, aud very convenient, especially
when eggs are scarce.
I went to my room discouraged,
heart-eick—despairing. Only a few ¡
days before I Lad been dismissed from
my employer’s 6tore, where, for three ’
years, 1 had been constantly and act
Let the live, that we live be worth living;
ively at work ; and, so much satisfac- I
Let the d ys that we rpend be well epent;
tion
bad I given, that Mr. Gordon hart '
let us save t it the pie if u re of giving,
promised
to make me his head clerk at
And Dot borrow at filly per Cent.;
Let u< never cease iovii g an I Darning,
tho
beginning
of the next year. I bad
And use life lor its nonleet of ecd.«,
worked hard for the interest of my em
Tteu when duet to its duet is returning
HOUSE AND CONTENTS BURNED,
We siall live in the hearts of uuc inends.
ployer,
had risen steadily in his esti
I can assure the traveling public that
mation,
and I prided myself upon be- ’
Mrs. B. is still on hanLto keep up the
STBENGHfl FOR TO-DAY'.
iug
liked
and respected by the clerks
reputation of her tab}©. On the morn and our customers.
ing of tho 18th I Crossed Applegate
BY MRS. M. A. KIDDIR.
But a blow had fallen upon me, such
Creek on a fine covered county bridge
as
I found bard to bear. When I went
near Mr. Benedict’s farm, and soon
Btreng'h for to-day is all that we Deed,
to
tho
store ou the morning in question
As there never will be a to-morrow ;
found myself at the month of Farris’
For to-morrow will pr ive but another to-day,
I
was
surprised
to notice that all tho
Gulch. At this point Messrs. Slagle
With its measure of j‘>y and sorrow.
clerks
were
huddled
together, convers- ,
& Bolt are putting in 600 yards of two-
Then why forecast the trials of lire
ing
in
subdued
voices,
while, from tho 1
foot llume to work thsir diggings on
With such grave -mil sad persistence,
frequent
glances
cast
in
my direction, GONE MID DOT IRISH WOMAN’ OFF,
the gulch during the coming Winter.
An 1 watch ax.<l wait fur a crowd of i;s
That as yet has no existence ?
They have been working the surface I knew 1 was the subject of I heir con
Flora Ascliel Marks, a dark-skinned,
of their claims down to the cement for versation. What could be the matter ?
Btreng’h for to-diy -what a precious boon
Fur the earnest tools who labor,
several seasons, finding very good pay; Had I committed some grievous b'lin- \ dark-eyed, twenty-five year old Jewess,
Fur the willing hands t|iat minister
last Winter they discovered good pros der, or were they jealous of my increas was at tho Ejsex Market Police Court
To the needy frienc or neighbor.
yesterday, and charged her husband,
pects in the cement deeper than they ing favor with-----
Strength for to-day—that the weary heurt
had worked ; they set a string of
But my doubts were soon set at rest whom sue went all the way to Germany
In he bittle for right may quill not;
sluices and shoveled in this cement and by tho entrance of Mr. Gordon him- i to marry, with all crimes but murder,
A’ m I tne eyes bedimmed with bitter tears,
la tueir searcu for ligut may tail not.
found that, by this mode of woiking, self, who immediately called mo into ! and the murder of tho lovo she once
they could make from $4 to $8 per day, the counting room, paid me a month’s had for him. H j had, fihe said, aban
Strergth for to-day, on the downhill track,
For the travelers lie -r cne va! ey
of coarse, black gold. When they get wages in advance, aud told me to leave doned her on many occasions, assaulted
Tuat up, far u^ on the other side.
their pipes to working it will evidently his store aud never Bet foot in it again. ' and battered her, and every time she I
Ere .ung they may Safely rail*.
“ pay big.” After traveling up Farris’ I was completely dumbfounded ! Hard- ¡ got him back she had to “pawn her I
Strength far to-diy-thit our precious youth
Guleh a short distance I crossed a ly knowing what I did or Raid I asked j traps ” to give him a decent outfit.
M.y Bappilyisnun temptaii <u.
Judge Smith—“Did vou go after
short, steep divide and came down for an explanation. Mr. Gordon told
Anti build from the rise to the re. of sue
Ou a strong and sure foundation.
into un almost interminable labyrinth me, in a tone of grieved severity, that him, Flora?”
“ No Yudge : lie conies for him°elf,
of ditches and okl diggings, and there he had missed from his store, tbo pre
Strength for to-da? in house and home
and
when ho god Rchurz und every I
devoted some two hours in extricating vious evening, Rome $300 in coin, which
To practice furbotr .nee sadetly—
To scatter kiud words and luvh g deeds,
myself. At length I found myself at he Ltd good and snflicienbiecuson to be dings he told me I vas vou dam ongly
Still trusting in God completely.
ding, unt he got ein Irishwoman nicer
tho residenco of my old-time friend, lieve that I had stolen !
Strength for tod ly 1» al! that we neei,
Eli Taylor, on Williams Creek, just in
“ And now,” ho continued, “ in rec as me und I can go in dur bell.”
As mere never a id be a tomorrow,
“Did yon ever see this Irishwoman?”
time to partake of a good old Bachelor ognition of your past vein able services,
I'ur tomorrow will prove but uuoth-r to-day.
“
No, I dond see her aker I know .he
dinner beneath his hospitable roof. I propose to let you go seott free, on
With its me tsure of joy and sorrow.
got
one.
”
This was but some four or five miles, these conditions : That you leave tho I !
“
You
say that he assaulted you,
over a good road, from my starting city within twenty-four hours, and
EDITO RIAL CORRES FUNDENLE.
Flore.
?
”
point in tho morning. Aker dinner I never show yourself here again. If
“Ho stick a big knife down my
again set out, in a
you have net gone by that time I shall
A shland , Oct. 21,1876.
mout'
if I don’t shut up, and ho don’t
have you placed under arrest. Now
TORRENT OF RAIN,
D ear T idinjs
I have ic.st com
liko
mo
no more ; I bin played oud,
go.”
pleted a little “awing around tbe cir For Williamsburg, some two miles
and
bo
got
der Irishwoman.”
In vain did I plead my innocence—
above
;
co
riy
arrival
I
found
Mr.
J.
“
Shall
I
send him up for five years,
cle ” and come homo for a d^y; before
T. I ayton, one of Southern Oregon’s my eceustr was inexorable. Ho hold Flora ? ”
leaving »gain I will give a few notes of raort cuterprising busiutos men ; be the door open and motioned me ie the
Thia satisfied Flora perfectly. The
my trip. At some future time I will sides carrying on an extensive raercan- Greet ; I hesitated an instant—and husband said ho was a traveler and
went out.
speak more ia detail of tbo mines of tilo business be is extensively engaged
Mr. Gordon’s warning, “If you have mido eight dollars a week, and to prove
ir.
mining
on
a
large
scale,
llo
owns
that he was willing to support his wife
Btorlingviile. I will say, however,
a Urge part of water ditches on mines not gone by that time 1 shall have you he would bring tho Judge five dollars
that cn my way down Sterling Creek I on'tiio creek, and has at the present placed under arrest,” still reng in my
a week for her support.
visited tho mine of Camoion, Arm time a ditch nearly completed over tho ears ; but should I leave? This ques
Flora—Nien, nien, he vill gone mit
tion I turned over in my mind time and
strong end Hayden, two miles below mountain to l’arris Gulch, where ho again,
dor
Irishwoman off.
tut finally resolved to stay and
Marks offered to leave Lis address
¿Sterlingville; theso mines were worked also owns most cf die mining ground. stand trial, if he really meant to bring
This ditch is dug, 42x21 inches, aud
with the Court, but Hi« Honor said
last Winter for the first timo and will be
me to one.
the
address would be “ Tho Tombs,”
Twenty-four hours passed. I was
proved very remunerative. They have
SIXTEEN MILES LONG,
until
he should furnish three hundred
forty feet of pay dirt, with a good And, when completed with the arrested, stood a preliminary trial, was dollars bail for assaulting his wife and
released on bonds, which I furnished.
hydraulic pressure and are drained by hydraulic works, will cost $12,000. He Tlie principal witness against me was ' a tbreo hundred dollar bond to pay her
I
A MeinoruLle Flogging.
a substantial tunnel GOO feet lung, tye ha3 on hand several tons of iron pipe Brinely, Mr. (Gordon's porter, who tes three dollars a week.
to
construct
rm
inverted
syphon
to
Flora
d<
parted
in
high
glee.
tified
that
he
had
seen
me,
on
tho
night
labor cn which oost §1,200 ; with carry the water cf his ditch over a
--------------- >-----------------------
Lord Albermarlo, whoso “ Recollec
of
the
robbery,
abstract
a
fum
of
plontv of water this Winter they will deep gorge. lie has also, on Whisky
Tn.:
E
asiest
W
ay
out
of
tiie
D
iffi
tions
” have just been published, was
money from one of tbo tills ; several of
take out m iuy thousand dollars. Be Guleh, near Applegate, extensive min the clerks also testified to some suspi culty .—A Frenchman while at Naples, in his youth a play-fellow cf the Prin
low this claim there are several good ing operations ; at the latter place he cious conduct on my part, and, alto was introduced at an assembly of cne cess Charlotte. ()a one Winter day
has a three feet flume, 1,000 yards gether, the case looked bad for me. of tlie first ladies by a Neapolitan no liis grandmother proposed to tike him
ones worked by Chinamen. The old long,
with twenty-five feet of “pay
bleman. While he was there his gold ¡
busy camp at Bankuni is a thing of the dirt ” and 275 feet hydraulic pressure. The affiir found its way ii to tho papers, snuff box was stolen from him. Saon to the play, of which he was very fond.
“ I told the Princess,” he says, “cf
pest. A solitary Chinaman, with a This mine yielded excellent results last and I soon noticed that I was shunned after, being iu another house, ho saw
tbe
pleasure I bad in prospect, and of
by
forme
r
companions,
while
old
ac-
¡
pick and a sack cf flour on the oppo Winter. 1 learned that Alex. Watts is
another person taking snuff out of his my readiness to incur the almost inevit
quaiiitances
passed
me
with
a
mere
nod,
¡
site ends of a stiuk, was the only sign making extensive preparations to work
box. Ho turned to his frn nd :
able penalty attached to that pleasure
of life I saw. The rich garden of his hydraulic claims on Horsehead this or no recognition at all.
*, There,” Baid he, “ that nnu in blue, —a good flogging the following morn
To
escape
these
constantly
recurring
Hamuel Phillips, just below, with iU Winter, The settlement on Williams
with gold embroidery, is taking snuff
tiro system of i.x.gation, soniewnut Creek contains same fifty families, scenes of bhame and humiliation I cast out of my box. Do you know him? ing. From thia, as I told her Royal
Highness, there was no escape, for bow
serves tn break the desolate monotony. mostly engaged in farming und stock- about for some place outside of the Is ho not a professional sharper ? ”
was it possible after the play and a
city
where
I
could
spend
tho
time
Traveling from here
raising. Rain still continued in “co which must intervene before my trial
“Take care,” paid tbo other, “ that good supper, to be in time for the 8
DOWN ?. DELEGATE
pious effusions,” and I was compelled took place. While thinking of tho man is of the first quality.”
o’clock morning school ? * Leave that
“I Jo not care fur bis qualify,
- —j, ’ ” re- to me,’ said the Princess, and forthwith
I missed th j boards of Chinamen and to forego further item hunting and subject a serva .t ’-ought in a letter,
1 must 1 have penned a litter to Dr. Page, taking upon
tLe perpetual chaut, chant, chant of turn my face homeward. Ou the which I instantly saw wasTroni my old plied tho Frenchman. “ _____
of their rurkers, th. t was heard ten or morning of the 17ih I set out to cross schoolmate and chum, Harry Langley, ! my box back again. 1’11 go and ask herself the blame for my anticipated
twelve years ago, The mines laying the mountain for Foote's Creek ; for of whom I had not heard for several him for it.”
non-appearance.
“ Pray bo quiet,” said his friend,
below the dildoes aro either worked getting the experience of the day be years. It ran :
The morning after the play I came
“and let me get it back for yon.”
over or pre-empted by settlers, but they fore I determined to cross tho moun
into
st ho school half an hour late and
D ear F riend D ick I have read full
Upon this assurance the Frenchman was ‘ shown up ’ as a matter of course.
are by no means worked out. There tain without a trail, to save five mile3 accounts
of your recent arrest and trial. went away, after inviting his friend to
are, above all tbe ditches, hundreds of in distance ; finding it too steep to ride
1
can
never
believe my old chum guilty dine with Lim next day. He came With a deprecatory ‘Phase,dr.’ [pre
acres of gravel that would,with a small I led my* horse to tho top of tbe moun
sonted my royal credentials, ' he doc
amount of capital and tho requisite tain, through heavy rain and dense un of a crime, and, to show yon my con next «’•ay, and us he entered exclaimed : tor glanced :.t the seal an:! the hiero
tinued trust and esteem, I want you to
“There, I liuvo brought vour snuff glyphic ‘Charlotte’ on the envelope,
amount of enterprise, add greatly to derbrush. Arriving at
pay
me
a
visit
at
my
country
home.
box.
”
the wealth of Jackson County. There
THE SUMMIT
and then dropped the letter into the
Coma
at
once.
Sincerely,
H
arry .
“ Well, how did you obtain it ? ”
is no place in the county where water I found the outlook rather gloomy.
pi cket of his gown, that bis ban! might
I resolved to go, and the next even
“ Wby,” raid the Neapolitan noble- be free to grasp the rod. His next pro
is so accessible, aud no place where Tho rain still continued to come down
labor would ba to well rewarded as on “ endwise ” and I was surrounded by ing found iuo at my friend’s door. Har irniu, “ I did not wish to make a noise ceeding was to perform that part cf bis
Applegate. For miles the bars have so dense a cloud that I could not see ry and his pleasant little wife received about it so I picked his pocket.”
duty which always seemed a pleasure.
------ - 4 ------------
been worked out to the ditches with an fifty yards in any direction ; a steep m3 very kindly and soon made me for
That done, he read the letter to the
absolute certainty of there being even mountain to descend, covered with a get my troubles. Their little child, | Cur.ious H istory of a S tate .—The wholo room and added how glad he
Gertie, just learning to talk, soon took
better diggings above.
wilderness of underbrush, the ground a fancy to me, and 1 spent many hours ; territory now known as Wisconsin was was that ho had net opened it sooner,
THE FARMS
slippery, my horse bare-footed, and, in her amusement and enjoying her i claimed by Franco, on tho grouxd of for ho would have been under the pain
On Applegate are the most productive worse still, being in great doubt which childish prattle. She particularly en i discovery by its missionaries and tench- ful necessity of di-obey ing her Royal
in Boriaorx Oregon ; that of Mr. way to go. Taking my bridle-reins ia joyed hearing her father’s watch tick, 1 ers in 1670, who governed it until they Highness’ commands.
Lyman Chappell, below the mouth of my hand I started down the mountain but always insisted that “ Uncle Dick,” ceded it to Great Britain in 1763. It
C heerfulne - s .—What a thing it ia
Little Applegate, is most admirably on foot, and in due timo arrived at the as Rhe had learned to call me, should wa« held by tho British nation until
1782,
w
hen
was
ceded
all
her
posses
to be cheerful, and to havo cheerful
cultivated, as its fine orchards aud first miner’s cabin on the north fork share her sport.
people
about cne I Life, except during
sions
north-east
of
the
Ohio
to
tho
broad acres of potatoes aud other gar of Foote’s Creek. Here I got some
One evening after she had, as usual, United States. Wisconsin was then tbo pressure of its most terrible calam
den productions prove. Ia no part
FINE TEACHES.
been listening to the tick, tick of the i thrown under tho territorial govern ities, always has a blight tide, and
of Southern Oregon has fruit yielded
These were raised on a miner’s claim. delicate machinery, and Ind been ment of Ohio by the ordinance of 1787. those who look at all sides are far the
bo well this year as on Applegate. The Still raining,
Going down tue creek, tucked awry in her little crib, Harry’s
farm of A. Sturgis, near by, is equally passing several miners’ cabins near tbo watch was missing. We search* d tbe Ou the fourth of July, 1800, Indian wisest. Yet there arc excellent people
productive, and is capable of produc store of Silas Draper. Continues to house high ami low, but not a sign of Territory was organized, and it was at who go about bowed down under a
tached to that territory until April 18, I v.’oight of forebodings, who feel ture
ing all the fruits,vegetables and cereals rain. 7"
There are eight companies on it could we find : the natural conclusion 1818, when Illinois became a State. It tho worst thing possible will happen—
known to Oregon ; re can testify to Foote's Creek who are preparing
___ ------ to was that it must have been stolen a..d was then attached to the territory of who indofd make it manifest that it has
the rich flavor of Mr. Sturgis’ farm and work on a large scale this Winter, At 1 had been seen with i’ last I
Wisconsin, July 4, 1836 ; bo that Wis happened already.
orchard productions after being pre present little is being done, except
The thought struck me that it might consin was governed by the King cf
pared and spread on tho table by the preparations for Winter, and conse havo fallen under the table, so I bent
n old farmer purchased semo sweet
expert directions cf Mrs. S., as I had quently I heard considerable complaint forward, when, tc my astonishment, France ninty-three years ; the KiDg of oil A in
a drug store, and being asked if
Great
Britain
twenty
years
;
by
the
the good fortune to join that pleasant of dull times.
the watch dropped—from my pocket! Slate of Virginia one year ; by the ter there was ‘ nothing clso,” he laid sev
family circle at dinner. At Union
Harry stepped forward and recovered ritory of Ohio sixteen years; by In eral packages on the counter held up
Town
T hey do a good many things nearly Lis property withthe quiet remark : “ I dian Territory nine years i ; Illinois Ter-
1 er- a hand with several strings tied on the
MESSRS. HAYDEN A CAMERON
right iu Englund, after all. Benjamin was deceived in you, Dick ; you are no ritory nine years, and Michigan Terri- fingers, and said : “Lot’s Gee 1 That
Have a trading-post, doing quite an ex Shirry, of Salford, has been sentenced longer a friend.”
tory eighteen years." bhe continued a red string is for the bar of soap ; that
1 tried to stammer out that there wa3 a Territory of the United States nearly rag is for a broom ; that blue cord for
tensive business with the farmers and to three months’ hard labor for pluck
miners in that section; it was rather a ing a live fowl, and at the Norwich mistake somewhere, but I could not twelve year3, when, on the 13th of a calico ; that braid means four pounds
lonesome place when I .passed, as the petty sessions another man was sen speak ; I Bank into a chair and covered March, 1848, she became the thirtieth of 6ugar, and this other string is fur
store was closed and not a single person tenced to a month's hard labor for cut my face with my hands. Just at this State of the American Union.
the sweet oil. No nothing more.”
•------------------------------
moment I heard Gertie’s childish voice :
to be seen in the town or its suburbs. ting off a cat s tail piecemeal.
-------------------- — ...-------------------- ---
"Did ’ou fin’ ’our watch, papa? I put
“Docs our constant chatter disturb
I f you go out in the night in your
After passing many deserted mining
Ir requires but little knowledge of it in Uncle Dick’s pocket—make him you ? ” asked one of three talkative barefeet to bring in the washing,*and
olaims and some well tilled farms I ar
the
heart to know that woman's first fink de chain was a snake;” and she ladies of a sober looking fellow passen you step on a rusty nail, you are
rived at theetore of Kubli <fc Bolt, in
wish
is to be handsome ; and conse clapped her hands in great glee.
ger. “No, ma’am ; I’ve been married doomed just as certain as certain can
the midst of a heavy rain storm. After
quently,
the
readiest
method
of
obtain
Harry looked first at tbe child, stand nigh on to thirty years,” was tho re be. If your wife loves you 6he w,11 go
stopping at this point long enough to
herself.
write my friend Bolt a receipt for the ing her kindness is to praise her beauty. ing there in the door, clad only in her ply.
-> <* -S' «W
>
i
í
Y
$2.50 PER ANNUM.
I
A MEAN DEVICE.
Thera was a score cr more of women
gathered together at Mr. Johnson’s
Louse. Mr. Johnson ia a good-hearted
men acd a respectable citizen, though
he is rather skeptical about.some things.
The women bad just organized “The
Foreign Benevolent {Society,” when
Mr. Johnson entered tbe room. He
was at once appealed to donate s few
dollars as a foundation to work on, and
Mrs. Graham added :
“ It would be so pleasant in after
years for you to remember that you
gave this society its first dollar and its
first kind word.”
He slowly opened bis wallet, drew
out a 810 bill, and as the ladies smack
ed their lips and clapped their hands,
he asked :
“ Is this society organized to aid the
poor of foreign countries ? ’
t«
.es yes ye- 1 ” they chorused.
“ And it wants money ? ”
“ Y’es—yes 1 ”
“Well, now,” paid Johnson, as he
folded the bill in a tempting shape,
“ there aro twenty married women
here. If there are fifteen of you who
can make oath that you have combed
your children's hair this morning,
washed the dishes, blacked the cook-
stove. and made the beds, I'll donate
this $10.”
“I have,” answered two of the
crowd, and the rest said :
“ Vv by, new Mr. Johnson 1 ”
“ If fifteen of you can make oath
that your husbands are not wearing
socks with holes ia the heols, thia
money is yours,” continued the wretch.
“Just hear him 1 ” they exclaimed,
each one looking at the other.
“ If ten of you have boys without
holes in the knees of their pants, thia
‘X’ gees to the society I ” said John
son.
“Such a man 1 ” they whispered.
“ If there are
pair of stockings
in this room that! don’t need darning,
I ll hand over the money I ” he went
0D.
“Mr. Johnson,” said Mrs. Graham,
with great dignity, “ the rules of this
society declare that no money shall be
contributed except by members ; and;
as yon aro not a member, I beg that
you will withdraw and let us proceed
with tbo routine business.”—BcwAiny-
ton Chronicle,
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B adly C heated .—Mr.---- ,of a cer
tain town in Vermont, is not distin
guished for liberality, either cf purse
cr opinion. His ruling passion is a
fear of being
ing cheated. The loss, wheth*
wheth
er real or fancied,
£__ _ of a few cents, would
give him more e wain than the destruc-
tion of an i oAiru navy. Ha once
bought a lari oF cake of tallow at a
country store l at ten cents a pound. On
breaking it to pieces at home, it was
found to contain a large cavity. Thia
ho considered a terrible disclosure of
cupidity and fraud. He drove furi
ously back to the store, entering in
great excitement, bearing tho cake of
tallow, exclaiming vehemently :
“ Ilf re, you rascal, yon have cheated
me ! Do you cull that an honest cake
of tallow ? It is hollow, and there ain’t
near so much as there appeared to be.
I want you to make it right.
“ Certainly,” replied the merchant,
“ I’ll make it all right, I didn’t know
tho cake was hollow, You paid ten
cents a pound. Now, Mr.----- , bow
much do you suppose the hole will
weigh ? ”
I n a ceriain college in Virginia there
naia youth named D----- , who invari
ably used the whar andthar taught him
iu infancy by his neRro nurse. Pro
fessor F----- tried hard to cure him of
thi3 habit, but was himBelf audioted to
the no less vulgar habit of using pint
fcr point and yui« for join. One day
the professor, seeing D----- very inat
tentive, raid :
“ Mr, D----- , pleasi read where Mr.
C-------- left off.”
“I didn’t see trhar he left off sir,”
said the iDCcnigablo D-------- .
“1 did not sav irZtar he left off,” eaid
tbo professor, “ but perhaps I can tell
you xcherc he left off.”
“ All right, sir,” said D----- ; “ show
mo the
aud I’ll jine in.’’
A short time since, a lady look pas
sage in the cars on tbe Cincinnati,
Hamilton and Dayton Railroad. She
put her ticket in her dress pocket,
where she had several other articles,
and seating herself, became earnestly
engaged in conversation with a friend.
The conductor scon came around for
the tickets. When he came to this
lady, she drew from her pocket what
she supposed to be the ticket, and
without looking at it, offered it to
the conductor, and continned talking ;
but after extending it for a short time,
and be not taking it, she looked up,
and discovered that she was offering
the conductor a fine tooth comb.
T hey are t iking evidence in a divorce
case for cruelty ; tbe husband is under
examination ; his wife, prostrated with
grief, is weeping bitterly, covering her
face with her handkerchief. “Now,”
says the judge, “are you not ashamed
■ to have thus brutally treated your wife,
i a tender young woman of 25?” The
wife suddenly raises her head, “ I beg
i your
” she
— pardon,
r------ she
sobs sobs
; ” ; “ only 24.”
And she again gives way to her grief.
1 —Paris Paper,
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