Lincoln County leader., October 02, 1914, Image 3

POULTRY
and Dairy Produce
at ell kind) wan tad. Writ for on
CASH OFFER
Pearson-Page Co. p0j!S$E
SECOND-HAND MACHINERY
Fowrtit. to i and exchanged; anstnaa, bollara,
aawmllli. ate. 6-nd for Slock Mat and Price.
1 HE J. E. MARTIN CO., U lat St.. Portland. Of.
18H7
TO
1914
27 th
YEAR
.OLMES BUSINESS COLLEGE
Tho school that eats von a
good poaltiom
Thousands of Graduates
NONE mi.R
FREE INFORMATION I OLDEST
Wa.hi.rt.... 10th 8U. K$IK
PORTLAND. ORB. I BlUULIUl
Mother Wouldn't Take Any.
Col. J. Slocum Rldgeley, In answer
ing the toast "To Mother" at a ban'
quet In Charlottesville, said:
"God bless Anna Jarvls, the Phila
delphia woman who put Mothers' day
on the map! That holy day Is better
for us than 10 new South American
rivers.
"Let me tell you a 'mother' story,
"In my youth, when I was teaching
school In Silonm, I said one morning
to a bright little fellow:
" 'Tommy, my boy, If a family con
slating or father, mother and six chil
dren should have a cherry pie for din
ner how much would each receive?'
A seventh," the little fellow an
swered.
" 'Carefully, said I. 'Remember,
there are eight people.'
" 'Yob, sir, I know,' said Tommy
'but mother wouldn't take nny for fear
the others woulun t have enough.
New Orleans States.
(Cm-
BARRED WIFE FROM KITCHEN
I I Ltjiuiv.llfl. Cujnriuia. HuM-niiau uncvai tiold.
mlm.Uili. Cold. Sll.ar. 16c; Oold. We t Zlno
or Copimr. It. Mnlllna f-nralopta a .d full prlc Hat
arm on application, tviairoi ana i.npir wuvsaw
UoUaa, Uatenmoai Orhooalo Mallnnal Haas.
- A Wartime Fable.
Once upon a Time a Big Boy walked
up to a Little Boy and asked him for
a Piece of Pie. The Little Boy refus
ed, whereupon the Big Boy started to
trounce Him. The little Boy, bow
ever, inflicted a mighty Beating upon
the Big Boy. Rubbing his Bruises, the
Big Boy smiled snd said: "Little Boy,
give me your Pie now and I won
fight you Any More." But the Little
Hoy held the Pie and the Big Boy
had to go Somewhere Else for Some
thing Elbe but Pie.
Moral Sometimes you can get by
diplomacy what you can't by fighting
and then again, sometimes you can t,
If you do the fighting first.
Vlan of Sudden Riches Has Strong Ob
jections to Better-Half Mingling
With the Servant.
The stout lady struggled with dlffl-
lulty into the railway carriage. "Ah,
the gasped, "that door might ha' been
made by 'Old Sam.' " I
She paused for breath, and then pro
ceeded to explain herself. '
"You see, 'Old Sam' was one of them
haps oo d getten on. Went from a
hree-an'-slx cottage to a big 'ouse. But
missis wasn't used to a big 'ouse.
ind spent all 'or time in kitchen wl' f
lervantB.' Old Sam didn't like this, but
e never argued wl' wlmmen. Now, she
was stout, like me. So be takes ber
iway to Blackpool, and while they was
iway he'd the kitchen door built up
larrer, so the servants could get In
ind out, but not t'mlssls. That did 'er.
that did."
Brd what I call tac , said a man
apposite.
And all sat lost in admiration of the
actful "Old Sam." Manchester Guar-
Han..
Putnam Fadeless Dyes are the
easiest to use.
Not an Omission.
Mrs. Benton tasted the savory mor
sel rhe bad carefully compounded in
the chafing dish and looked at her
husband somewhat apprehensively.
Then she said:
"Somehow It don't taste ust as Mrs
Mink s did the other night Yet
thought I remembered tbe recipe all
right. I suppose I must bare left
something out."
Mr. Benton tasted reflectively.
"I don't think so," he remarked.
Mrs. Benton's face brightened vis
ibly. Then ber husband continued:
"There's nothing you could leave
out," he said, "that would make
taste like this. It's something you've
put In!" New York Globe.
Tor 75 years Wright's Indian Vege
table Fills bsve been tbelr own recom
mendation in conditions of upset stom
ach, liver and bowels. If you have not
tried them, a test now will provs their
benefit to you Send for free sample
to S72 Pearl St., New York. Adr.
In the Realms of Credit.
"When I left borne as a lad, ss
Mr. Dustln Stax, "I bad $10 in my
pocket
"You'll never forget that day."
"No sir. It's the only time I bare
felt that I could settle up on a mo
ment's notice and be absolutely sure
my assets would cash In for more
than my liabilities." Washington
Star.
TOt'S. OW DSUOOIST Wilt TELL TOO
rrj irnrioa ltj utmmaw lor km, wk, Wat
ye ana uranniatad aralldai No Baianiof
luaWKye Comfort. Wrtla for Book of Iba
l; mail free, aturloa K? kadf Co., Cbloao,
Reasonable Argument.
Road Cop You say that's your car?
Tattered wretcbes like you don t own
cars l
Seedy Driver I bought It five years
ago, and hnven t had tbe price of
suit since.
May Migration,
"Shakespeare speaks of moving ac
cidents by field and flood.
"Well, I suppose like most poets b
lind to move frequently snd probably
had a good many accidents to what
little furniture be owned."
SUCCESS
Depends Upon Your Training
Our vnir In flrWtha.ntl, Ptm
muvfthip, HunintM Treintnf and
T hf will txjulp rou for
M(ui buslfiNa rrMr,
COMEDY OF THE HOME
HUMOR THAT 13 VISIBLE ONLY
TO THE LOOKER-ON.
Spraying.
"Is your wife doing anything for the
blight which is hurting her roses?'
"She's spraying."
"Praying! Does she expect the
Lord to fool with Insects when she
could fix matters herself with some
good spray?"
She Is spraying."
Oh!"
Information.
Bacon I see a directory of the use
ful minerals of the United States, tell
lug where each may be found, has
been issued by the Geological Sur
vey.
Egbert A directory which would
tell us where to dig good fishing
worms would be more useful.
Great Age.
'What are you talking into that
graphophone?"
"My class speech."
"CIsbs speech!"
Tm valedictorian of our corre
spondence school. This record will be
sent in turn to every member of the
class."
Misunderstood.
"I thought you said Blowhard talked
very rapidly on the platform?"
No, I didn't"
'Why, you said be talked like light
ning; I beard you."
'Yes, that's what I said, but I
meant that be shocked everybody In
tbe audience and stole several other
lecturers' thunder."
In Almost All Instances the One Who
Dominates Is the One Who Most
Emphatically Claims to Be
Imposed Upon,
i
"Housekeeping develops the humor
ous side of married life to an extent
unguessod at by those who merely
board. In a boarding bouse or hotel
neither the husband nor the wife has
a chance to assert that the 'other is
absolute master or mistress of the
joint establishment What is it, by
the way, which makes humanity so
anxious to prove itself badly oft? Tho
contention for supremacy in suffer
ing always seen between two persons
who are comparing woes or griev
ances is particularly conspicuous in the
home.
'If ever there was a man who was
master of his own house, it Is my hus
band! He has everything Just as he
wants it, without any regard to my
wishes,' pronounced the wife; but in
his own declaration of his position he
is no whit behind the very chlefest
apostle.
My wlfo Is the cock of tho walk
In our joint,' he Informs you, and with
an agreeable mixture of figures goes
on to tell how he is henpecked. ,
"The humor of the situation appeals
to tbe bystander, at least, for any one
who has given attention to the mat
ter is fully aware that the men and
women who dominate are almost al
ways those who cjalm that they are
down-trodden and Imposed upon. The
story of the man who was chased
through tbe bouse by his wife with
the broomstick and finally took refuge
under the four-post bed illuminates
this. After he had been lying perdu
for an hour or so he cautiously raised
the valance and peered out. His wife
stamped her foot
'Get back under there!' she cried.
but he asserted his rights.
" 'While I have the spirit of a man
be returned, with all the dignity be
could muster In the circumstances,
will peek!'
"One dares think after this that the
man who had been brought Into such
subjection that be habitually spoke
of 'our bat' was probably a veritable
domestic tyrant and was clever
enough never to let his wlfo find It
out!
Although there is a theory that
men have more sense of humor than
women, this may be questioned when
household conditions are considered,
Does a man laugh at bis own discom
fiture as a woman does? How would
a man. take the pleading of bis wife
for something 'like father used
make?' She has never tried it, but
bis longing has ' become a byword.
What joy to the wife when he is hoist
by his own petard!
'My dear, these pies don't taste as
mother's used to!' complained a hus
band. 'They are good, of course, but
not the sort I was fond of as a boy.
Can't you do something to improve
them?'
'I'm afraid not, dear,' rejoined the
wife sweetly. 'She takes so much
pleasure in making them for you that
I would hate to Intimate to her that
you don t enjoy them as you onco
did!'
Did be smile? I wonder! But I
am very sure his wife would navo
chuckled if the condition had been
reversed." Christine Terhune Her
rick, In Llpplncott's Magazine.
Tires at
fore-War Prices
1
Goodyear Prices
It is Folly Today to Pay More
30 x 3 Plain Tread
30x3'2"
34 x 4 " "
36x4Vi" "
37x5 " "
$11.70
15.75
24.35
35.00
41.95
SURE THING.
iff
London Auto Accidents Few.
"Skillful motor driving is one of tho
sights of London," said Henry Paul
man of Chicago. "Collisions here are
few, while in Chicago they are many.
This Is because of the stringent re
quirements . for drivers' licenses In
London and tbe absence of such re
quirements In Chicago. The state oral
examination In Illinois is farcical. Ev
ery driver should be required to show
by his acts ability to control a car in
crowded streets.
"They have a great device here In
tbe shape of a streot-flushtng machine
with a revolving squeegee in tbe rear.
Tbe squeegee causes the pavement to
dry Immediately, thus preventing skid
ding. There are 3,500 motor buses
and 9,000 taxlcabs on the streets of
London, not to mention many varie
ties of other vehicles mechanically
driven, yet accidents are Infrequent In
view of the vastness of the metro
polis. The motor buses at tho Derby
formed one of the finest features c!
the spectacle."
FALL TKRM SF.PTKMIIM T.
BUSINESS COLXEOC
faarla liraat, Naar Morrlaaa, Partlaad. Or.
We Guarantee Positions for All
Our Graduates.
Writs Us, No Trouble to Answer.
Little Boy Say, uncle, when yon
ore traveling through the West did
you scalp any Indians?
Uncle Dick No, but I scalped many
a railroad ticket
ft N. U.
No. IS, 114
I warn HUaa i
Paw Knows Everything.
Willie Paw, what Is a conceited
man?
Paw A conceited man Is a fellow
who keeps on gabbing about himself
when you want to talk about yourself,
my son.
Higher Things.
"I oan't get to my bridge club In a
hat that Is three weeks out of style.
"I can't buy you a new bat this
month. Better Join soma culture club
my dear."
Electrlo Chair for Rats.
A novel device for electrocuting rnts
wns ringed up recently by tho crew of
the railroad station at Kurt Wayne.
Ind. Not long ago rats entered the
basement of the new station through
the coal chute and gavo trouhlo until
the station men got together and con
structed an electric chair especially
designed for -rats. The "chair" con
sists of an Iron plato with a stel
spike ausponded above It, both tho
plate and spike being connected to
the two wires of an electric circuit.
With the spike baited with a piece of
cheese, the rodents which venture up
the plate and reach upward completu
an aloctrlcal circuit through their
botfles and thus become tbelr out)
executioners. Electrical World.
Misapplied,
"You know the sweet little girl tho
Dingles call Angel?'
Yes.
Not Yet
Church Ilus your boy made good
at college?
Gotham Not yet He hasn't got
There exists now a new, compelling
reason for buying Goodyear tires. It re
sults from War conditions.
These leading tires built of extra-fine
rubber, in the same way 113 always are
selling today at June prices.
You will find today a very wide differ
ence between most tire ptice3 and Good
years. Due to Quick Action
Early in August when' war began
the world's rubber markets seemed closed
to us. Rubber prices doubled almost over
night.
Men could sec no way to pay for rubber
abroad,, and no way lo bring it in. We,
like otbers in lliat panic were forced
to higher prices. Hut wc have since gone
back to prices we charged before the war,
and this is how wc did it:
Wc had men in London and Singapore
when the war broke out. The larger part
of the world's rubber supply comes
through there. We cabled them to buy
up the pick of the rubber. They bought
before the advance 1,1)00,000 pounds
of the finest rubber there.
Nearly all this is now on the way lo us.
And it means practically all of the extra
grade rubber obtainable abroad.
Today we have our own men in Colom
bo, Singapore and Parti, Those are the
world's chief sources of rubber. So wc
are pretty well assured of a constant sup
ply, and our pick of the best that's pro
duced. Wc were first on the ground. Wc were
quickest in action. As a result, we shall
soon have in storage an almost record
supply of this extra grade of rubber.
And wc paid about June prices.
Now Inferior Grades Cost Double
About the only crude rubber available
now for many makers is inferior. In
ordinary times, the best tire makers refuse
it. Much of it had been rejected. Hut
that "off rubber" now sells for much
more than wc paid for the best.
The results arc these:
Tire prices in general arc far in advance
of (ioodyears. And many tire makers,
short of supplies, will be forced to use
second-grade rubber.
Be Careful Now
In Goodycars wc pledge vou the same
grade tire as always. And that grade won
lor Goodycars the top place in Tiredom
the largest sale in the world.
And, for the time being, our prices are
the same sis before the war. We shall try
to keep them there.
Wc accept no excessive orders, but
dealers will be kept supplied. And wc
charge Ihem, until further notice, only
unte-bellum prices.
That means that Goodyears the best
tires built are selling way below other
tires.
OODDYEAR
tjS AKRON.OM10
No -Rim-Cut Tires
With All-Weatlier Treade or Smooth
rwa iiuiaa
"Yesterday she broke six windows 00 tae hRsebnll or football teams or
Remembers Flora Temple.
Spectators at the United shoo ma
chinery trial yesterday In the United
States district court enjoyed the re
partee between Judgo Putnam and
Frederic P. Fish of counsel for t'.io
defense, says a Philadelphia paper. At
torney Huh was arguing on the patent
question Involved In the anti trust suit
against the United company, and as a
means of illustrating a point re
marked: "You can put a race horso
In a plow ar.d you can put a plow
horse in a race."
Here Judse Putnam Interrupted to
say: "Flora Tc-mple was a p'aw liorae."
"Yes," responded Attorney Fish,
"but she scon got out of It. I remem
ber seeing ber in a box car at Taun
ton." "Why. I didn't think you were that
old," replied Jude Putnam.
"Oh, Lord," replied Attorney Flub,
"you don't know what an old fellow I
am. I remember Flora Temple well,
and I know what ber time was, too.
It was z:27."
By this time tbe whole courtroom
full of lawyers and spectators was In
roars of laughter, and Judges Dodgo
and Brown, sitting with Judge Put
nam, Joined in tbe merriment
Cat Treee Peanut-Thief Squirrel.
Policemen are reputed to have a
penchant for fruit-stand peanuts, but
the Judiciary square squirrels causo
the Greek who conducts tho store op
posite City ball the most nnKuiiih, as
they are a thieving lot. Hourly num
erous the street on fornglng expedi
tions, but one nearly cjmo to grief,
says an exchange.
The squirrels became eo boM In
preying on the pennuts thnt tho Crck
recently Installed a largo cnt as guard
ian of the stand. Whlln the cnt appar
ently was snoozing on the ilmily slila
of the rtund an utisuipcrtliig squirrel
slipped up. The fellno leaped and so
did the llttlo thief, the luttcr up a
small tree.
For nearly two hours the lerrlflcd
qulrrul hung on a limb with Tliom:i
keeping a sharp vigil below. A fox
terrier camo along about noon and
rtrovo puss Into tho stum. The squir
rel snatched a pi-nnut and run buck
lo the park In triumph.
DEALING IN FUTURES.
Mr. Acker That's right; calculat
ing how much you have spent on your
spring outfit are you?
Mrs. Acker (calmly) I am making
up my appropriation for summer
dresses and bats.
An Innocent Victim.
This food problem Is something aw
'full" exclaimed tha querulous man.
"Still harping on the blgb cost of
living?"
"No. My wife has decided to re
iduce her weight. I wouldn't care what
Ifood cost It she would only consent to
buy it."
Hopelees.
"is there any public man who really
meets with your lull approval?" asked
tho weary listener.
"No," replied Mr. Growcher; "yeare
nxo I gave up trylug to decide which
man I liked moat I went ahead and
voted ft-r tho one who displeased tue
least-
Sam's Idea.
"Sam!"
"Yes. boss."
"I read In the paper today that an
electric burglar alarm has been adapt
ed for tho chicken coop. What do
you think of that?"
"Why, I sees In dat, boss, a blow at
do liberties of de people!"
Getting Him Located.
"Did you ever play poker In Crln
ton Gulch before?" asked Three Fln
ger Sam.
"Only otico," replied the Stranger,
"and then I played only for fun."
"I recollect you. You're one ot
those fellows who enn't have any fun
unless they win everything In sight"
She Was On.
He had left her between the acts,
saying he had to "see a man."
"Well, and how Is John?" she asked
when he returned.
"John! John wr.o?"
"John nnrlcyccrn, of course," she im
plied. Boston Evening Transcript
Accounting for the Hair.
PHI I see horsehair Is said to make
a substitute for rubber In the manu
facture of automobile tires.
Jill Perhaps Hint gave the landlady
the Idea that If she put some In the
butter It would make the butter g
around farther.
Any Time.
Nell Eliza went to an astrologer te
And out when was the best time ts
get married.
Btell What did be tell her?
Nell He took one look at her and
told bar to grab ber first chance.
Judge.
Social Simile.
"nilgglna Is always talking about
his family tree."
"Yes," replied Miss Cayenne. "A
family tree Is like the ordinary tree,
The tlg that ts furthest from the
mnln root dues the most fluttering.1
Athletic Vocalization.
"Is a ventriloquist a person who
throws his volco?" asked Mr. Lobrow,
"So to speak."
"Well, we've got one next door.
She hasn't thrown It yet, but she Is
giving It a terrible struggle."
It Is snld that a hair from the tall
of the horso Is the strongest single
animal thread known.
a e
Itadlum may cause ss well as cure
cancer In human beings, according to
an English physician.
see
Horoult, the French scientist, who
made aluminum commercially valu
able, died recently at Paris,
A new flrebucket Is equipped with
an automatic dovlce which announces
that It la empty when lbs contents
avannrBLat
At 600 feet below the surface of the
wster the amount ot Illumination Is
about tho same as thnt on the surface
on a clear but moonless night
e e e
Two Austrian engineers have In.
vetitod a process for casting false
tocth In metal, by which the neces
sary uniform density is obtained,
see
The development of powerful and
reliable aeroplane motors has ensbled
French aviators to do most of tholr
most daring flying with monoplanes
with a wing spread of not mors than
Floaters.
Church I see that Philadelphia
harbor policemen all weigh 200 pounds
or more, and none of them can swim.
Gotham Oh, welt, If they weigh
that much they ought to be able to
float, all right
Would Have Made Good Picture.
Judging from accounts In the Los
Angeles papers, Marguerite Loveiidge
Is not exactly lacking In pluck. When
tbe and her sister discovered a bur
glar In the house Marguerite aalsed
revolver and, crawling to tha door of
the room where the crook was prowl
ing about, took a pot shot at him.
Of course, she didn't score) a bull's-eye,
but nevertheless tbe thief tumbled
backward out of tbs window with an
alacrity calculated to OH tha best ol
"heavies" with envy. Too bad there
m d nloture taken oi tha Incident
ao4 set nrs to the hencoop." f winning crew yet