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About Lincoln County leader. (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 25, 1914)
FABLES SLANG ad The New Fable of the Lonesome Ride on the 6prlnkler. One pleasant morning the Chief of the Society for Promoting the Impor tation of Scotch Merchandise awoke after a Balloon Voyage which began 6 Feet below Sea Level in a Rathskel ler and finished 2,000 feet above the Altitude recorded by Lincoln Beach ey, the Man-Bird. When he Came To he discovered that the Pillow had climbed over on top of him and was trying to work the Half-Nelson, while a largo Pile Driver, of the kind used along the Water Front, was beating a rhythmic al Tattoo on his tender Bean. He had a Temperature of 102 and oil Ears were hanging down. Also, during the Period of Coma some one had extracted the Eyes and substitut ed two hot Door-Knobs. Further more, his Dining Room Floor was covered with a Plush Rug. After be had decanted a miniature Niagara on to the smoking Coppers and removed his Collar and cautiously picked up from the Floor his Stick Pin and the Watch and the Remnant of the Check cashed at 5 p. m., he felt his way over to the Window and denounced In unmeasured Terms an English Sparrow that had perched on the Sill, merely to annoy him. In a little while he remembered that he was a Resident of the Planet known as Earth. Soon after that his Name came back to him and then he recalled his Boyhood and the Fact that when he passed the Parsonage the Presbyterian Minister would ask him to pick some of the Lilacs and 8nowballs and take them home to his Sister Alice. : From that Point he groped through bis Life History up to the Twilight on which the Regulars had arranged a Send-Off for Old Buck, who was They Saw Him Go Home With a Msg. ailne Under His Arm. -pulling out for Seattle. In order to help Buck to remember tbem as True Friends, they bad covertly planned to Ret him Stewed to the Eye-Balls and then ship him on to his new Home, spread out In Stateroom B, with long' stemmed Roses laid across the Re mains. This form of homicidal Gaiety 1s perpetrated under the name of American Hospitality. Our Hero remembered the polite Getaway on the Low Speed with everybody Respectable, after which the Fountains started to Rush and Walters began to come up out of tlio Ground bearing Fairy Gifts of Liquid Variety. Somewhat later In the Evening he found himself bnl tinced on one Toe on a swiftly-moving Cloud, announcing to the Stars of Mfiht that he was a True Sport. In other words, he realized, as ho at humped over In the Morris Chair, lioldlng on to the Head, lest It should till off and roll across the Floor, that lie had been Snooted for Fair, Plas tered, Ossified, Bcnznated, Piped, tickled. Spimicated, Corned, Raddled, unrusrated. Soused and Ory-Eyed. Six hours before, he bad stood on t Table and declared for the Brother hood of Man and now he craved but one Companion and that was old Toloncl R. E. Morse. Standing over in the Sunlight by 4he Window, where he could aee the Innocent Sliop-Glria going blithely to Jhelr 6 a wwk. he lifted the trem bling Right Mitt clear above his Head Itnd then and there declared himself to be on the Cart until the great Ce lestial Bodies should skid In their Or bits and the Globe Itself dissolve Into Vapor. Just as he pronounced the Words, "Nev-ER A-gen". he felt a great Flood of worthy Resolutions arising In his flew Moral Nature. He would buy a Winchester Automatic and devote the remainder of his wasted Life to shoot Jig up Ilarkeeps. And when he dlod. the whole Estate would go to the W. C. T. U. That afternoon the Survivors of the Midnight Massacre got together at a li. .5.f3 ?s v 'wi Club to compare Hang-Overs and find out what had happened after the Roof fell in. Our Hero appeared Just as the Boy was getting ready to throw a Life Line. He was greeted with a ribald Shout and told to come running and Save Himself. The Moment had arrived for him to be a Man. Surrounded by Ice and Squlrters and Mixing Spoons and Orange Peel and Jiggers and Jaggers he drew himself together and made the Announcement. For a Moment they were Btunned by the Impact and then every Son of Peoria leaned back and let out a Yowl. To think that a real up-to-date Fellow would pull any of that Old Stuff! A puny Mortal trying to get a Toe-Hold on the Demon! They told him to forget It and quit his Spoofing and remove his Over shoes and ease a couple of Gills into his Reservoir and try to be a Human uemg, bowever painful the Effort. He came back with a few Gems from the Family Medicine Book about the Effect of the Accursed Stuff on various Organs. He did not propose to feed himself anything that would cut the Varnish off of Wood-Work. The Hard Stuff had passed out of his Life. The Cackles died awav anil were succeeded by looks of Blank Dismay. They saw that one whom they had long regarded as a reliable bench working Union Lush had turned in his Card and deliberately made him self an Outcast. They saw him order Vichv and en to it as If It were a Beverage and tnen they tore up bis Credentials and burned his Photoeranh and told htm to go out Into the snowy Streets and nnd a new Home. He sat back and nulled the Grim Smile which Savonarola wora when they piled the Fagots around him. He was a Martyr and proud of his Job. By the same Token, there la no Brand of Rectitude that grades so pure and spotless as that exhibited by the disin fected Dove who has not touched a Drop for nearly 24 hours. Tber saw him ea home with a Magazine under his Arm and then they sat around until all Hours, lap ping it up and progglng his Finish. They said he never would last a. Weak- end when he Fell It would be Some Splash. They began to Issue daily Bulletins and watched the Case with much Anxiety because they really liked the uia scout in spite of bis Eccentrici ties. When thev learned, at the End of a Week, that he had played Butter milk to a Standstill all up and down the Quick Lunch Circuit and was at his Desk everv Morn In with hla Far clean and a Flower In his Coat, they called a Meeting of the Vigilantes and decided that the Joke bad been car rled far enough. In the meantime, Our Hero had learned two new kinds of Snlltni and began to call around for a Dlsb of Tea with some distant Female Rela tives who bad long supposed him Dead. Alone about the Cocktail Hnui- be would find himself sitting first In one cnair and then In another but he Cashed big every Morning when be awoke and found that Henry Katien Jammer was not sitting on the Foot uoard making Faces at him. Only, sometimes he would stop on a corner and look all about him and up at the Bulldtnas and wonder If (ha Town bad always been as Quiet as at r resent. After he bad stuck for a Fortnight the desperate Envoys from the Indian i amp went arter him for Keeps. Tht held It In front of him and n1nl,o i on bis Clothes and bogged blm to step BDoara witn ttiom and go right up the 18th Floor. Probably If they had let him alone he would have come sneaking back Into the Reservation to watch the red Whirlings and "pick a few of those Night-Blooming Martinis but when they tried to Stampede him, the old iew r.nginnd Stock asserted Itself, he substituted Rivets for Straps. He Is now the hnnnroit Aan.i.i. of those Who Plav Crlhhnea In Iholr nr. Homes and eat Apples bofore turning In. But If you want in ant a fin. his Real Character Just aak the Wet lirotnera. They will tell you that wasn't there with the Strength Character so be simply sank out sight. MORAL: The Way of the Ex transgressor Is Hard. Water-Prooflno Concrete. The United Stntes engineers have long used the following mixture waterproofing cement: One part ce ment, two parts sand, three-quarters pounds of dry powdered alum to each cudio root of aand. Mix dry and add water In which has been dissolved three-quarters pound of soap to each gallon. This Is nearly aa ilmm ordinary cement, and Is quite Imper vious io water besides preventing i florescence. For a wash, a mit of one pound of lye and alum in two gallons of water Is often uaea. LURED BY THE PHOTOPLAYS Leo Delaney Has Right to Practice at the Bar, But Prefers the Life of the Stage. There are few, even among the ranks of film men, who know that Leo Delaney Is fully entitled to practice as a law yer before the New York bar. After completing his course at Man hattan callege, he took up law . at New York Univer sity Law school. But he was too good as an ama teur actor for his safety, and the "boogey manag ers" got him. His long stage career Includes six years with the Kirk La Bhelle company and frequent ap Leo Delaney. pearances In New York with prominent stars. Then, six years ago, the motion picture, Just beginning to reach out for recognized stage players, captured Leo Delaney. Equally at home In light comedy and dramatic roles, by virtue of his long training In the hard and painstaking school of actual stage work, It was not long before he was in fllmdom's select society and recog nized as one of the players with a fol lowing. If any proof of the strength of his popularity were needed the Quickness with which he was Invaria bly recognized by the fans at the re cent New York exposition and the writer's cramp be developed on sev eral occasions from signing autographs are all-sufficient In a Hurry to Get Back. There's a story current In New York about Ed Coxen and his Incur able love of the far West. The last time he was in New York, trying his luck at the theatrical offices, be stayed at a Broadway hotel, where he became ifrlendly with several young men In the legitimate, also looking for Jobs. They used to meet In the hotel lobby at night and exchange the adventures of Ithe day. Coxen never failed to pour out a flood of bitter reproaches against the sordid, Iniquitous, altogether Intol erable great city of the East One evening, as one of the other actors relates the Incident, Coxen be gan as usual on his homesick tirade, when, suddenly he stopped. Boarding the elevator, be shot up without a word. In less than fifteen minutes be was back, suitcase In hand. "Good-by, boys, and good luck to you!" he cried. "I'm taking. the Trans continental express tonight to Cali fornia:" It's that same Impetuousness that carries blm along splendidly In film pictures. Hawaii In the Movies. Another nook of the world has been iinnooked and Is In the process of be ing made familiar to every film fan the earth over. Hawaii Is the popular 'nook which has been scooped up most thoroughly and extensively by Henry McRae and his company, Just recently returned from several weeks spent on the islands. Among some of the pic tures made there are "The Island of Abandoned Hope," "Cast Adrift In the South Seas," "Lebula of the South 'SeaB," and "Tribal War In the South Seas," picturing lively stories with the additional virtues of geographically correct backgrounds and much Inci dental Information In regard to the .manners, customs and beliefs of the Hawaiian, German Inventor's Claims. ' For the moment the most Important hews of the motion picture field seems too good to be true, and It is given here rather as a rumor than a definite fact A German Inventor professes to have accomplished the synchroniza tion of the film and the talking ma chine, so that be can produce a play with the spoken words, or even an opera with that degree of realism which has been the hope of specialists here and in Europe for at least six years. Partly successful experiments along these lines will be recalled, but perfection has seemed unattainable. Margaret Gibson Wins Prize, ncfore a crowd of 00,000, -and In a mile-long parade of automobiles pass ing before five Judges, pretty Margaret Gibson won first place In the annual nathing Girls' Automobile parade held at Ocean Park, Cal. In capturing first prize, Miss Gibson received a check for 50, and In addition, a shining gold and silver loving cup. Do It On the 8pot A motion picture machine that may be packed away In a traveling man's kit has been Invented, and It will here after be possible for the salesman to exhibit his wares anywhere. Hereto fore managers have bad to go to a studio or to some theater to see Dims demonstrated. Leah Balrd Changes Plans. Leah Balrd, who appeared for some time In the motion pictures, has re joined the studio where she made her debut as a screen player. Miss Balrd bas already taken part In a photoplay with her new company which will be presented In the near future. Staging Famous Production. Alan Dwan Is staging the Famous Players' production of "Wild Flowers," by Mary Oermalne. Marguerite Clark Is to be featured In this picture, sue- ported by Harold Lockwood ENGLISH MIXED GRILL FINI DI6H FOR ANY OF THB LIGHTER MEALS. Rsclpe That Will Provide Sufficient for Three Parsons Devonshire Cream Another Idea We Owe to English Housewives. A mixed grill Is very popular In Eng land for luncheon, but It would be as good as a light dinner or supper. ine following recipe makes enough for three persons: Three lamb chops, one-halt pound of sausages, four kid neys, two tomatoes and a halt pound of mushrooms. Grill the chops, sausages and kidneys together, slice the tomatoes and fry with the mush rooms. The mushrooms and the toma toes should not be cooked long enough for the slices of tomatoes to lose tbetr shape. Arrange the meat on a platter, lay the vegetables around the edge, garnish with parsley and serve. No gravy should be used with this dish, not even the Juice from the mush rooms and tomatoes, or the flavor will be spoiled and the grill will look messy and unappetizing. Try this recipe some time when you have a few sausages or kidneys left over from some meal, and you will find that you have a new and excellent dinner dish with very little trouble or expense. Devonshire Cream. This Is Just as delicious as It sounds and far less ex pensive. In tact, it isn't really cream at all, although no one would ever know that unless she were told, for it tastes like an exceptionally rich, thick cream. It. is used everywhere In Eng land, as It will keep for several days In a cool place and does not need to be kept on ice. Ice In Great Britain Is a decided luxury, and not the dally necessity that it has become In Ameri ca, but even though the Iceman comes dally to your door and your fresh cream will keep sweet for a day or two, you may And a Jar of rich Dev onshire cream a convenient thing to have on hand. Two quarts of milk will make enough cream tor two persons, and the milk left after the cream bas been taken off can be used for cookies, so there Is no waste. Put an earthenware 'pan of milk In a cold place for 12 hours. Then place It on the fire and let It come slowly to the scalding point; leave It on the fire for about halt an hour, but do not let I' boll; then remove to a cold place and let It stand for seven or eight hours, till all the cream Is risen. Take off the cream, which should be thick and clotted, and serve on fruit, tarts, cake, etc. For Plcnle and Camp. When you have a large cake of Ice and want a small piece to put In a glass you are somewhat helpless It you have no Ice pick at band. But you need not be so. Use an ordinary pin Instead of an Ice pick and you can have the Ice in pieces the size you desire. Press the pin Into the Ice as far as It will go, and work It back and forth slowly and steadily until the Ice splits. Then put the pin In a new place and make another cleft In this way yau can break off piece after piece of any desired size. Ragout of Beef. Cut two pounds of round steak Into one-Inch cubes; put two tablespoons of suet Into saucepan and when hot add the meat browning on all sides; Into the fat blind two tablespoons of flour, sod then add one pint of water In which bas been dissolved one tea spoon of extract of beef; add one tea spoon ot salt and three-quarters tea spoon of white pepper and simmer for 1H hours. Stiffening Curtains. When doing up curtains at home If flour Is used Instead ot starch the Iron will not stick so much and the curtains will bave more the appear ance of new ones. One good table spoonful of flour for each curtain Is sufficient Mix the flour to a thick paste with cold water, then put In the tub and pour on as much boiling wa ter as required for rinsing the cur tains. Novel 8alad. An attractive way to serve small bits of smoked chicken Is to cut them Into tiny cubes, put Into a cup, and add enough seasoned gelatin to cov er. Put Into a cold place to get firm. Unmold, cut Into small squares, sprin kle with finely chopped celery, and serve, as a salad with a French dress ing, or a stiff mayonnaise. Good Hand Claanser, Kerosene will cleanse your bands better than anything elae after black ing a range or stove. Pour a little In the water, wash your bands In It, then wash tbem In tepid water and finally with plenty of soap and a stiff nail brush In bot water. Finish up by rub bing the bands with lemon Juice, rose water or glycerin. Toaattd Cheese Sandwich, . Cut bread as for any sandwich and place between slices a thin slice of cheese. Season cheese with salt and cayenne. Toast until cheese Is melt ed, holding bread together. These are very good with salads of any kind where mayonnalae Is not served. Te Bake Potatoes Quickly. In baking potatoes, put a small pan of water In the oven and you will find (bay bake much quicker. ANSWER WAS TO THE POINT Old Lady of 93 Did Not Mince Words In Reply to Question Propounded by Her Pastor. The pastor of a well-known Boston church was calling a short while ago on a dear old lady, one of the "pillars" of the church to which they both be longed. Looking upon her sweet, motherly face, which bore few tokens of her ninety-three years of earthly pil grimage, be was moved to ask her: "My dear Mrs. Adams, what baa been the chief source of your wonderful strength and sustenance during all these years? What do you consider has been the real basts of your extra ordinary vigor of mind and body, and has been to you an unfailing comfort through Joys and sorrows which must come to all of God's creatures T Tell me, that I may pass the secret to oth ers, and, If possible, profit by It my self." The good pastor waited with un usual eagerness for the old lady's re ply, which she gave, after a moment's reflection, while her kindly old eyes were dimmed with tears. Victuals," she answered briefly. Harper's. Her Carelessness. "They say nature makes no mis takes, but I doubt It." "What makes you doubt it?" "Why did she put a lid on the eye and forget to put one on the chest?" Th Preference. "Mrs. Smith bae a husband who riavs her unremitting attention when she is away." "I would rather have a husband of bash remitting sttentlon." The Reason, "Never try to steal a kiss from a fat girl." "Why not a fat girl?" "Because she Is likely to nut uo a fetout resistance." ; Cause and Effect "I think I know one reason of the patient's hacking cough." . . "What te It?" "He's got such a hatchet-faced nurse." An Exception. "Full of trouble as the world may be, there Is no man living whom no body 16ves." "I don't know about that! How about the baseball umpire?" Exhausted Hia Credit "I'm afraid Blobson did not receive fminh hnnnflt at ttia nanlth ha Visited." "Was the altitude too hlghr "No; the stakes were." All Watched. u.uiju ma ucn MI1TOI, 01 1 B. uiowaier, expects 10 ao a great deal of entertaining." - "The neighbors were entertained when she moved In." A Good Reaaon. "Call up on the long distance 'phone." "I can't" "Why not!" "I'm too ahort" Impossible. "That babv la aolna- to tabs aftar lie father." "No, he Isn't His father never leaves anything after blm for anybody to take." SURE. Bystander (to painter who bas fallen from his scaffold, upsetting bis Ipalnt) Rather a bad fall, eh? Painter Yea, but I came down with flying colors. In the Conservatory. Mlas Oldglrl I assure yqu, when I 'heard the story, I was rooted to the a pot. , Miss Pert I see. A regular century jplant Contradictory. "People have queer ways of express ing opinions." "For Instance?" j "They talk of a'man'e having loose ways when be gets tight" Sew on Own Buttons. Bacon I see at the Minnesota School of Agriculture a course of sew ing tor men Is to be Included In the curriculum." Egbert Doesn't this look like a blow at the nail Industry?" Iff ONE WAY TO HARNESS HORSE Two Superior Town Youths Recuper ating In Country Experienced Dif ficulty in Placing Bit, "If you fellows care to go for a spin In the dogcart do so With pleas ure," said the farmer to the two su perior town youths who were recuper ating in the country. "Not bad sport that," said one to the other when the farmer had set off for his turnip fields. "Easy' thing to harness a' horse, isn't itr "Oh, quite simple, dear boy." Nevertheless, both seemed a little doubtful on reaching the stable as to whether the animal's head or tall was the correct point at which to start Argument decided that the latter end of the wretched animal was the starting' point, and after much snort ing and stamping, they reached the head, where their chief difficulty lay in adjusting the bit "There's only one thing to do wait." said one despairingly. "Wait? For what?" "Why, wait for the wretched beast to yawn." Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. IN DAYS OF OLD. Sir Walter Raleigh The king can do no wrong. Queen Elizabeth Yes, but what a wearisome life a king's must be. Housewife Instinct Woman Election Inspectress There are three spoiled ballots. Ditto Oh, dear; but then, I suppose we can make them over Into some thing else. Puck. What It Goea For. "To most people a nickel means one of three things." "Well?" "A glass of beer, a trolley ride or a moving-picture sbow." Drawing. Gabe What does your friend do for a living? Steve He drawe from real life. Gabe Ob, he's an artist! Steve No; he's a dentist Literary. "And what do you do for a living. Alexis r "I write." "What?" "Letters to my father." 8howd Him. "I told Uncle Simon that be waa getting too old and feeble to attend to business." "Did he take It kindly?" "He threw me out of the office." Persuasive. "You've heard the old aaylng that Satan finds work lor Idle banda to do." "Oh, yes. And not only that, but he Often induces busy hands to make a radical change In the kind ot work they do." No Team Work. Husband I can't understand why they haven't sent some one to meet us, unless your letter went astray. t Wife My letterl Why. Frank, I distinctly understood that you bad written. Judge. The Ostrich. "Why are you puffing like a steam engine and raising that cloud of smoke?" "Sh h-hl There's a man over there I owe money and-I don't want him to see me." Judge. , Paw Knows Everything. Willie Paw, are a man and his wire one? Paw Yes, my son. Willie-Then bow many was Solo-, mon? J Paw Ywi go to bed, young ma.