fUfW
FUNNY LITTLE SCOTCH YARN
Eccentrle Old Kiltie It Eager to Show
Son He Came From Better Family
Than the Youngster.
Here la a little Scotch story, told
merely to put you In good humor. In
a little Canadian town near Toronto,
where the population la half Scotch,
Johnnie Walker runa the general
store. Hugh Walker, hta father, an
eccentrlo old Kiltie, la fond of a wee
drapple, and on occasions hat been
known to indulge In a wee drapple
tae muckle. On one of these occasions
he found himself denied admittance
to the store, nor could all his plead
ings soften Johnnie's heart It took
some time tor the situation to sink
Into him, but finally convinced that
his aln kith and kin would have nane
o' him, he turned away with tears lu
his eyes.
"It's an ootrage!" be expostulated,
shaking bis fist. "Ye ken Johnnie
Walker T He's ma aln son, but I'll
show him I come frae a better family
than ever be came frae."
I
Soma Satisfaction.
i Mrs. Murphy's husband was ex-
tremely 111, so she called the doctor
and then anxiously Inquired as to the
sufferer's state.
"I am sorry to say, madam," re
plied the doctor gravely, "that your
husband Is dying by Inches." '
"Well, docther," said Mrs. Murphy,
with an air of resignation, "wan good
thing Is my poor husband Is six feet
three In his socks, so he'll last some
time yet"
Luxurious Lad.
"Senator, could you get my son
appointed to West Point!" asked the
multimillionaire.
"Certainly. Tell him to pack op and
get ready to start"
"Oh, would he have to go In per
son!" - "How elser
"I thought maybe be could arrange
to take the course by mall."
More Required,
"Tour candidate Is making some
wonderfully clever and , amusing
speeches."
"Yes," replied Senator Sorghum,
thoughtfully; "but this country Is
working around to a point where there
Isn't near as much enthusiasm about
electing a man simply because he is
good company."
Merry Party.
"What was that party yon voted
with years agoT"
"You mean the one with alt the
strange an' Interestln' Ideas T" asked
Farmer Corn towel.
"That describes It."
"I dunno. It was Jos' one of these
political surprise parties somebody's
always getiln' up."
Closely Related.
"Let's go to the show," said the fat
plumber.
"What Is It tonight r the thin car
penter Inquired.
" "Damaged Goods. Ever see KT"
"No." the thin carpenter answered,
"but I once saw The Auctioneer,' and
the two are pretty closely related,
Imagine," Youngstown Telegram.
NOT A 8UFFRAQETTE.
What would women do with
the franchise If tbey bad Itf
) She What's a franchiser
i Youthful Chemist
1 "What are you doing with thos
matches, Cyril T Leave them alone at
once I"
"Why, I'm Just trying If pussy Is
real tortolseshell or only celluloid."
London Opinion.
Pretty Bad.
"Helen If some talker, Isn't sher
"Rather. When she wants to ex-
(press ber seotl meats she has to use
(the parcel poet"
JUST KEEP ON FEEDING HIM
Secret of Keeping Father Happy and
the World Moving la Really
No Secret at All.
"How to keep husbands" Is coming
to be a more important subject with
magazine writers than "How to get
husbands."
Ninety-nine times out of 100 a hus
band can be kept by feeding him.
vVhen he comes home tired, feed him;
when he finds fault with things, feed
him; when he complains about busi
ness or the weather, feed him; when
he has the blues about the hopes of
the home team, feed him; when h&
laments the poor quality of the last
set of tires, feed him; when he's
cross, feed him; when he's angry,
feed him; wbea he's sick, feed him;
always feed him.
No husband who waddles or stalks
Into his home of evenings, tired, wor
ried, disgusted, half angry, out of
sorts, can remain so after he has
filled up on a Juicy steak and warm
pumpkin pie. No husband will object
to the pranks of the children that
have, torn his magazine, or lost the
sporting section of the evening pa
per, when he has had a good supper.
No husband will go to his work with
the blues If he has had the right kind
of breakfast.
When great deeds are to be done
the well-fed men must be depended
upon to do them; when great Ideas
ore to be thought out, men with satis
fled stomachs are the ones to think
them; when skill is demanded, when
strength Is required, when Intelligence
is needed, It Is the well-fed men who
come forward to fill the demands.
On the eve of a great battle either
for his country or for his personal
welfaro, the conqueror Is the man who
eats good food and then marches forth
to victory. Depend upon It, feeding
the men of the world Is as much a
social as an economic problem and the
women upon whom It devolves to feed
their husbands, by doing It not only
keep their husbands, but keep the
world moving. Wilmington, Del.,
Journal-Republican.
He Left the Book.
He entered the Btreet car with a
parcel In his band, and as he sat down
he placed It at his back.
"Book!" queried the man at his
left
"Yes."
"Taking it home to read this eve
ning?" "Yes."
"The man with the book looked at
the other In a queer way for half
a minute and then said:
"Did you want to see the book?"
"Oh, no, I'll take It home with me,
you see!"
"But I can't loan It to you."
"No need to; you'll leave It In the
car!"
"Oh, I see. Well, I shan't leave
It"
Ho reached for the book and laid It
on bis knees, but after riding three
blocks more ho worked it behind him
again and became Interested In the
woman opposite. The first thing be
knew he was carried a block past bis
corner. He suddenly started up and
skipped out, and as he went the man
who had been talking to him reached
back for the book and chuckled:
"Told him he'd leave It behind and
I'd take It home!"
Dnt the book wasn't there. The wom
an beside him had already gobbled It,
and as It rested on her lap she stared
straight out or the opposite window
and never moved a muscle when he
growled out:
"That's a blank of a game!" Col
lier's. Two Debts to Be Remembered.
Sir Thomas Lipton's grocery firm
is in trouble In England, the war of
fice accusing It of bribing canteen
quartermasters to push Its groceries In
the army canteens.
A Chicago grocer, apropos of this,
said the other day:
"Llpton was a great friend of the
late King Edward's."
The grocer wtnked.
"Lent him money, you know. That's
how he got his knighthood.
"Well, they say thst King Edward
once Invited Llpton to a very smart
dinner party at Sandringham. The
queen, bearing of the Invitation, took
the king to task.
"The Idea,' she said, 'of Inviting a
nouveau rlche grocer llko that! Think
what you owe society!'
"'Out think, my dear.' the kins
chuckled, 'think what I owe Llpton.' "
All Honor to the ' Safsty Firsts."
Professor Perkins of the University
jOf Manchester, England, after years of
experiment baa Just found a way to
make cotton cloth fireproof, and this
without Injuring either Its appearance
or IU wearing quality. Before the
association of cotton manufacturers,
bold the second week In October, 1913,
the professor exhibited some speci
mens of bis cloth that bad been
washed at least ten times since be
ing treated and had been In actual use
two years. After repeated trials It
was found Impossible to make the
pieces of cotton burn. This Invention
Is very Important because It la ex
pected to save many lives. Girls In
factories have been frequently burned
to death by their clothes mado 9! light
cotton fabrics catching fire.
Evidently Not Income Tax Payer.
A burglar captured In the Joseph T.
Bird home the other night bad $1,700
worth of plunder In bis possession.
To get half that amount of plunder
at my bouse," remarked Sackvllle Mo
Knutt, "the burglar would have to use
three moving vans and take every
thing I have. Including the furnace."
JUnsas city Star.
FARM ORCHARD
Notes eitd Instruction from Agricultural Colleges and Experiment Station
of Oregon and Washington, Specially Suitable to Pacific Coast Condition
College Gives Directions for
Swat-the-Fly Campaign
Oregon "Agricultural College, Cor
vallis. Instead of waiting for the files
to gain entrance into the house before
systematic attempt is made to eradi
cate the fly nuisance, the new method
outlined by the Entomological depart
ment of the college seeks to destroy
the fly before it reaches the house at
all. The two general methods by
which this is to be accomplished are
doing away with breeding places and
by catching the flies that do emerge
before they huve a chance to lay their
eggs.
The first is considered to be by far
the moBt Important. In carrying It
The Major General of Filth Army.
out, all refuse and other substances
in which files breed aro to be destroy
ed at ence, where this Is possible. In
other cases this refuse Is to be treated
with such disinfectants and Insecti
cides as will destroy the larvae or
prevent their development
The second part of the campaign
consists In placing fly traps outside
the houses, preferably between the
houses and the suspected breeding
places. Then by baiting the traps
with attractive and strong-scented
bnlts many If not most of the flies
will enter the traps where they may
be destroyed before getting into the
houses or depositing their eggs. Sug
gested baits for these traps are bits
of meat, fish bends, fruit, etc. After
the flies have entered the traps they
are destroyed either by pouring boil
ing water over them or by burning
sulfur beneath the traps.
It Is recommended that both the
foregoing methods bo used as a part
of every anti-fly campaign.
Stable Window or
These campaigns may be organized
along two general lines: First, by
educational methods by means of lec
tures, bulletins, newspapers, public
schools, and civlo improvement clubs;
second, by legal regulation of city or
county which prescribes proper dis
posal of garbage, manure heaps and
litter, and provides tor proper sewage
connection.
It Is pointed out In the bulletin that
both of these plans have been used In
most of the unusually successful anti
fly campaigns conducted In the east
ern and southern cities. Necessarily
the educational part of the work
should precede the legal In order to
create sufficient community Interest
to secure the lntter and make It effec
tive. While details must vary with
the varying circumstances of different
communities the following plnn Is rec
ommended In the exact or some modi
fied form:
First, an executive committee of five
or seven persons Is formed through
the rlub to formulate plans. The larg
er organisation Is then formed Includ
ing all who are Interested and wish
to become members. Local newspa
pers are then Interested nnd the libra
ries are asked to clnsslfy newspnper
and mngnzlne articles on this subject
and place them at the disposal of the
rending public. The matter Is next
No Lie.
First Wanderer I pay my rent by
the qunrtcr. now, Dill.
Second Ditto O'wan! What are
you giving usT
Flrst-That's straight 25 cents a
nlkht.
Doing Her Part.
"Will you Join our hike from Chi
cago to Washington!"
"I'm willing to hike," responded
Mrs. Womat "but I couldn't go that
far from home. I'll walk around the
block 600 times."
brought to the attention of the cham
ber of commerce and an effort made
to get them to enact such ordinances
as are necessary to secure a complete
cleaning up. It is recognized that
while a large majority of the progres
sive citizens of any community will
perform this cleaning up work when
the necessity for it Is pointed out, it
is also well to consider that there are
a few persons living in almost every
community who will not do so until
they are compelled by law, and in
order to make the plan a success it
has to be complied with without ex
ception. . The next step Is to secure funds for
carrying out the plans. Money Is need
ed to buy campaign literature, award
prizes for the best kept premises, etc.
The local stores are then visited and
the dealers urged to handle efficient
but cheap fly traps, early in the sea
son, in order to catch the flies that
hibernate. Each one destroyed at
thnt time leaves thousands less to
combat later. Good traps well handled
heave great value but tbey need con
stant attention.
While most emphasis Is laid on pre
ventive measures in the college bul
letin, other methods of eradicating the
fly are explained and recommended.
Among these measures are the use of
traps, poisons and sticky fly paper.
Designs for traps for outdoor and
Indoor use and for window use In the
screened barns are shown by drawings
and photographs. These trapB are of
simple construction and can be bought
cheaply In modified forms In the mar
ket The Inside traps consist of a
short narrow cone-shaped screen,
i wme at tne bottom with a small open-
lug at the top. A large outer screen
N0.3
Outdoor Flytrap.
encloses the smaller. The outer
srreen Is set a slight distance above
tho base of the Inner where bait Is
placed. The flies are attracted by the
In It, enter the opening between the
tnps and climb or fly upward toward
the light. This takes them through
tho opening In the small screen Into
tho space enclosed by the large screen
where they may be easily killed. The
window trap constats of a series of
ccreened compartments Into which the
files enter by narrow passages until
thry reach the large chombt-r whero
they may bo destroyed.
The flies that have succeeded In
gaining an entrance Into the house In
spite of all these precautions may
be destroyed readily by any one of the
following methods:
1. Twenty drops of carbolic acid
are put on a hot shovel or similar
utensil. The rising vapour will des
troy the flies In an ordinary room.
2. A little pyrethrum paper burned
In each room will stupefy the files so
thnt they may be swept up and burned.
3. One dram chromate of potash
dissolved In two ounces of water with
a little sugar added put Into shallow
dlHhes and placed about the room
serves as a good poison.
4. A few drops of formnldehyde
added to a smnll quantity of sweet
milk and placed In small dishes about
the room Is also very effective.
An Ear to the Ground.
"Some of your constituents are dis
agreeing with you," said the trusted
lieutenant
"Well, keep tab on them," replied
Senator Sorghum. "When enough dis
agree with mo to constitute a reliable
majority I'm going to turn around and
ngree with them." Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The towers of the Panama cathedral
are roofed with pearl shell, which re
flects the sunlight so that It can be
seen far out at sea.
SNAKE FOUND SNUG HAVEN
Nest of Brooding Pullet With Its
Agreeable Warmth, Some Attrac
tion for This Rattler.
Wlnstead, Conn., has unblushlngly
delegated to a stray feline tho Job of
mothering the town's surplus rats; the
environs openly boast denizens who
take oath to the fondness of a femi
nine canine for an orphaned litter of
kittens, but Woods, S. D., steps right
up to the Bible and swears that "Da
kota hens have taken a fancy to rat
tlesnakes." The snake hasn't been displayed
In the town's corner grocery, but the
citizens of Woods testify to the veracity
of this yarn related by. Mrs. John
Hauer, wife of a homesteader residing
six miles out of the village:
Hatching time was due In the un
pretentious hennery operated by Mrs.
Hauer. Naturally she was interested,
what with chicken feed at the high
tide of cost and 14 perfectly good
eggs stored beneath the biddy's shel
tering wings.
Mrs. Hauer deftly encased her hand
In the folds of her apron and Inserted
It beneath the clucking pullet In ex
pectation of Its bringing to light spe
cies of the yellow, new-born chick.
Instead, she drew forth a rattlesnake.
Naturally, she admits, It couldn't
have been a real healthy rattlesnake
In fact, It might have been decrepit
Instead, She Drew Forth a Rattle
snske. and facgless from age, and merely
covetous of a life of comfort and
warmth far removed from the danger
of sundry club-armed youths and
man's noisome and uncomfortable
firearms. She didn't wait to Inquire
for she fainted and the snake de
parted. Napoleonlo Survivor at 106.
Versailles boasts of a Napoleonic
survivor tn the person of a centena
rian, M. M. Schamel-Roy, who recently
celebrated his one hundred and sixth
birthday. He Is the sou of a grena
dier of Napoleon's Grand Army, and
was born at Versailles while the battle
of Frledland was fought In 1807. As
his father, after retiring from the
army was a gardener at Versailles at
tached to the chateau, the son, when
five or six years of age, often saw the
little king of Rome In the gardens,
and sometimes even played with him.
M. Schamel-Roy declares that be dis
tinctly remembers the little prince as
he used to see him In the gardens at
Versailles, and, of course, also Napo
leon. When he grew up he learned the
tailoring trade, and later on became
the official cob turner at the Theater
Francals. In that capacity he got Into
touch with most of the theatrical celeb
rities of France for more than half a
century between 1830 and 18S0, and he
also knew many of the famoua singers
at the opera.
Barred X-Ray Photographs.
In Llgon vs. Allen In the court 0
appeals of Kentucky It was held that
In an action against a doctor for mal
practice in connection with the treat
ment of a broken arm X-ray photo
graphs of the arm were not admissible
where a witness merely stated that
he took the photographs without stat
ing that they correctly represented
what he saw or how they were taken
or that be bad ever taken such photo
graphs before or knew anything about
how tbey ought to be taken and with
out giving any assurance as to the
character or accuracy of his X-ray
machine or of Its condition or work
ing order, since photographs are ad
missible merely as pictorial communi
cations of a qualified witness who
uses this method of communication In
stead of or In addition to some other
method, and are not admissible with
out a competent witness's oath to
support them.
-Honest
A story Is told on young man who
was married recently to the daughter
of a wealthy merchant The bride
groom did not have a cent, but he
made up for lack of wealth In honesty
He was so very honest that he would
not even prevaricate In the marriage
ceremony.
He waa repeating what the minis
ter said: "With all my worldly gooda
I theo endow."
"With all thy worldly goods I me
endow," repeated the young man.
Maybe It waa a slip of the tongue
still It would be bard for honesty to
go much further.
An Uplift
"Yon are tn favor of the uplift of
course!" said the philanthropic
"Sure I am," replied Mr. Dnstln
Staz. "Let's get together and raise
0e price of everything I"
GUARD FOR POISON BOTTLES
Flexible Spiked Band Gives Unmistak
able Warning to Any Person
Handling Deadly Vial.
The safety-first campaign which Is
being urged on every band finds a
quick response In devices to make ac
cidental mistakes In handling poison
ous substances less frequent if not im
possible, says Popular Mechanics.
One poison signal Is shown herewith,
tn which a rubber band, armed with
small rubber spikes projecting from
For Poison Bottles.
It, Is placed about a bottle, round or
square boxes or packages In which
poisonous substances are offered for
sale or distribution, giving an unmis
takable warning to any person picking
up or handling It The band Is very
flexible and there Is sufficient elastic
ity In the rubber of which It Is made
to allow It to be placed about bottles
of various sizes and shapes.
CAUSE OF IMPAIRED HEARING
Found by Dr. Albert Barnes of New
York to Be Chiefly Due to City
Noises Which Irritate Ear.
Ear-strain, producing greatly Im
paired hearing, is found by Dr. Albert
Barnes of New York to be very preva
lent and to be chiefly due to city nolee,
which Irritates the ear much as daz
zling light affects the eye. The aeute
ness of hearing may be lessened for
years without giving serious trouble.
Nervous women and people from the
country suffer most from ear-strain,
and shoppers often get a distressing
headache and a feeling of uneasiness
and Irritability that may last for days.
Even the healthy ear Is not wholly
proof against noise, bollermakers and
workers amid rattling machinery
eventually becoming partially deaf.
After a time the sufferer from ear
strain notices a ringing In the ears,
and tbls Is particularly distressing, es
pecially at night and when the person
Is tired. Diseased tonsils or adenoids
neglected In childhood may lead to ear
strain. Snuffing salt water or medicated
fluid np the nose may bave effect and
changeable weather and mental strain
are contributing causes. Bringing nose
and throat to a healthy condition Is a
step toward relief, but rest Is most
needed, and this is best obtained by a
few days of recuperation In the coun
try. Music after the day'a work often
soothes tired ears.
SIMPLE LIFE SAVING DEVICE
Holds Person Upright In Water and
Affords Protection' From Water
and Floating Wreckage.
The Scientific American In describ
ing a life saving device. Invented by
E. E. Mills of Medina, Wis., says:
The purpose here Is to provide a
container which will receive and hold
a person upright In the water and pro
tect such person from the water, float
ing wreckage and other conditions nn-
Life Saving Device.
der which the usual form of life pre.
servers would be unavailing. The con-
!rJ.!Kr.uch nature tnat
same with others may be conveniently
s ored on shipboard and readily 'and
quickly p aced In operation In case
tbelr use Is required.
Unslnksbls Ship.
. .W!!m k,0f Captaln hai Evented
ship which, In model form at least
mVTVn,1,,nkable' th9 "ere"" .,
lag In the peculiar form of Its hull.
Causs of Red Hair.
Human hair gets Its red color from,
waxces. of .ulbur l U Com.w
' 7g
'