I Ifei . . y I HAS SENSE OF HUMOR
I JLqjuI of I
TO leave London In the midst of
dull, chilly weather and three
days later to find oneself In a
land of flowers and sunshine is
altogether delightful So we
thought when, a few months ago, we
landed In Lelxoes, after a wonderfully
smooth sea passage. The land was
bathed In sunshine; it might have
been a day In June an Ideal English
June, writes M. Maxwell, In Country
Ufa. Though warm, the air was
crisp and fresh, and fragrant with the
scent of pines and flowers. In the
distance the mountains were still
slumbering In the purple haze of early
dawn; and all along our route to Opor
to, the' sea, a shimmering opalescent
blue, lay to our right, rolling up the
beach in Immense foamy waves. By
the wayside grew mimosa trees, one
mass of blossom; camellias in full
bloom, red and pink and white, look
ing like huge rose trees; orange and
lemon trees, laden with ripe golden
fruit; magnolias, myrtles, pines and
cedars; while vineyards, groves of
olives, and plantations of evergreens
clothed the slopes of the mountains.
Agreeably Disappointed.
We had expected to see signs of un
rest and discontent, and we were
agreeably disappointed. Although we
traveled through the whole land, from
the north to the extreme south, and
Tlslted every known and unknown
place of Interest, we heard no refer
ence to political affairs. Citizens and
peasants alike seemed to be absorbed
In their dally routine. One would
never dream that so recently the
-country had been the scene of up
heaval and revolution. However, we
did not trouble ourselves with ques
tions of government. We went to
Portugal to enjoy the exquisite scen
ry, and found It far surpassed our
expectations. We were charmed with
On mt Way to
the people; everywhere we met with I
the greatest courtesy and kindness.
We found the hotels scrupulously
clean and most comfortable. The
language presented no difficulty, for
although Portuguese Is universally
spoken, French Is generally . under
stood, and, as often as not, English
as well.
Portugal Is a country to delight the
artist quaint old Moorish hamlets
and villages; ancient churches, cathe
drals and monasteries, In every style
of ' architecture, and with exquuilte
-carvings In wood and stone; pictur
esque peasants, charming and grace
ful; everywhere rich vivid coloring
against the dark blue-green back
ground of olive groves that cover the
slopes of the mountains. The marvel
la that this land is not overrun with
tourists. As yet It Is one of the least
known countries In Europe, and Shis
Is on of Its attractions. Everything
Is fresh, novel, and interesting. One
Cats oat of the beaten track at once
after leaving Oporto or Lisbon. Fasci
nating as these two cities are, they
cannot compete with the beauty and
subtle charm of such places as Bub
saco, Oulmaraes, Bom Jesus, Braga,
Colmbra, and, In the extreme south,
Lagos, Portimao and Praia da Itocha.
One cannot describe or even men
tion all the other beautiful places
visited in Portugal, but these few
stand out as being pre-eminently in
teresting and delightful. The scenery
around Gulmaraes and Bom Jesus is
exceptionally lovely. At the latter re
sort there Is a pretty hotel, situated
up In the hills, and quite an Ideal
place to spend a few days. Colmbra
is a very interesting city, noted for
its university, its ancient churches
and buildings, and magnificent sur
rounding scenery. The students stroll
ing about the streets, bareheaded, and
with long black gowns, lend an air
of classic distinction to the place. As
we entered our hotel a shower of flow
ers came raining down from the bal
conies above. This pretty custom of
greeting the new arrival with a show
er of flowers prevails all over Portu
gal. Rugged In South.
The scenery in the south of Portu
gal is wilder and more rugged, and
the climate is milder than In the
north. Lagos and Praia da Rocha on
the south coast are enchanting, tower
ing rocks, and long stretches of sil
very sand, and magnificent seas.
Though early spring, the climate wa
delightful, like a cool morning in July.
The sea was warm enough for bath
ing, and we dined In the open air.
Roses, camellias, azaleas and other
rare flowers were In full bloom.
In the north of Portugal the poor
women seem to work terribly hard.
They not only follow the plough, and
dig, hoe and plant, but they make all
Portimao
the clothes for their families, and
weave the material as . well. The
meals also are well cooked and appe
tizing, for these women are good man
agers, and most thrifty and Indus
trious. See them striding up the
country road with enormous loads on
their heads.
The primitive-looking wooden carta
with solid wooden wheels, drawn by
oxen, are a distinctive feature In the
north. Horses are scarcely used at
all, except for riding.'. In the south
the mule and donkey seem to be the
beasts of burden, and only occasional
ly are the oxen to be seen. The lat
ter are most beautiful creatures, with
immense spreading horns and soft,
gazelle-like eyes. Apparently they are
well treated, for they look most sleek
and fat, and Jog along at a slow pace.
No doubt they arrive at their destina
tion eventually; but then, this Is a
land of leisure. No one la In a hurry.
No one hustles, and yet everyone
, seems to be fully occupied.
MERRY 8PINSTER NOT SENSITIVE
AS TO HER AVOIRDUPOIS.
I
Thereby Her Friends Have Been Re
galed With Two Really Funny
Stories Connected With Physi
cal Help She Received.
Most stout women are sensitive
about their weight A certain large
and merry spinster, to whom an ac
cident resulting in ' a permanently
weakened ankle has for some years
forbidden her to take the exercise that
used to keep her comparatively slen
der, is a fortunate exception. Her
weight la well over 200 pounds, but
she neither worries nor repines, and
often entertains her friends with
Jokes at her own expense. It is very
difficult for her to get on and off a
trolley car; indeed, she cannot do so
without help.
"That's all right, ma'am," a rough
looking man, who had Jumped down
and almost lifted her aboard, recently
replied to her thanks. "Me and Bill
have to carry ma upstairs every night,
and ma's heftier'n you be."
"But Bill wasn't here to help, and
I'm very, very hefty," she answered,
smiling.
"Oh, well, I've "tackled ma alone,
sometimes," he admitted, "though I
ain't saying that half-way up the stairs
one-half my brains wasn't Inventing
a passenger derrick, and the other
half wondering if she'd smother me,
falling on top. Boosting you was
nothing to that, ma'am; and there's
only one step to a car."
She chuckles most delightedly, how
ever, when she relateB that, last sum
mer, after having traveled all night,
she reached, very early in the morn
ing, a small country town, whence
she was to take the stage for a 20
mile drive to a friend's mountain cot
tage. The station was deserted, and
she was glad to accept the help of a
small boy, who, with great difficulty,
got her, with all her bags and bundles,
into the empty stage, to which the
horses had not yet been attached.
"I don't know what I should have
done," she told the freckled little fel
low, gratefully, "if I hadn't happened
to find such an obliging cavalier, wait
ing to help me when most everybody
Is still abed."
"Yes'm," he assented, with a wide,
Ingenuous smile. "I was down to see
'em unload the circus, and they let
me help with the elephants and the
baby hippopotamus. That's how It
happened I could help you, ma'am."
Youth's Companion.
Reason for Reconciliation.
The newly married young woman
rushed into her father's presence and
threw herself on her knees before
him.
"Oh, papal" she sobbed. "I have
come to you for forgiveness and bless
ing I It was wrong and undutlful of
me, but I loved Richard so that I Just
had to elope with him. But I couldn't be
happy till I had been reconciled with
you, so here I am at your feet"
"Well, well," growled the old man,
much affected In spite of himself, "I
suppose I'll have to. But you are
alone where Is er Richard?"
"He's Just outside, papa dear, with
the cabman. And now that you have
forgiven us, please lend us enough to
pay the horrid brute so that he'll go
away. You see, we only had enough
money for the license and the min
ister." Horrid Man.
"Pa," said little Johnny, "do all
roses have thorns?"
"Yes, my lad," patronizingly an
swers father.
"I don't see any thorns on these
roses In ma's new bat," continued
Johnny.
"You would If you had to pay for
the hat!" sadly sighs daddy.
Confused.
"So Charlie proposed to you last
night?"
"Yes."
"And did you accept him?"
"Oh, dear. I was so dreadfully ex
cited, I don't know whether I did or
not If he calls tonight I did and If
he doesn't I didn't"
Insinuation Here.
Marie I wonder how old you are.
Julia I Just told you my age. .
Marie Yes; that's what set me to
wondering. Judge.
A Successful.
"A successful man earns more than
his wife can spend."
"My husband does that"
"Why, your husband doesn't earn
muoh, Mrs. Tltewaddo."
"I know It but he hangs onto all of
It-
Art at a Low Ebb.
"They say the new nickel shows a
very low degree of art"
"Yes, on both sides. Lo, the poor
Indian, on one, and buffalo on the
otlier."
TWO CLOCKS START IN RACE
Puzzle Is to Find Out Whether Time
piece of Grandfather Started
' Ahead of the Alarm.
Yesterday morning two clocks
started a race. The alarm clock went
so fast that It gained one minute an
hour, while grandfather's clock ran
so alow that it lost two minutes an
hour. The picture shows the alarm
clock to be one hour ahead at the fln
ish. But who can tell the hour when
the race started?
Grandfather's clock lost two min
utes every hour and the alarm clock
gained one minute every hour, so It is
evident that the alarm clock In every
hour'e , time gained three minutes
upon the other.
Therefore, in twenty hours It gain
ed sixty minutes and from the picture
Clock Race Puzzle.
we saw that the race must have been
on for twenty hours.
During the twenty hours the alarm
clock gained twenty minutes upon
correct time. Twenty hours previous
to twenty minutes of 8 Is eleven
hours . and forty minutes, or twenty
minutes of 12 In the morning of the
day before the time when the race
started.
HIGHEST AND LOWEST POINTS
Mount Whitney Is 14,501 Feet Above
Level of Sea Point In Death Val
ley Is 278 Below.
The maximum difference In eleva
tion of land in the United states Is 14,
777 feet, according to the United
States geological survey. Mount
Whitney, the highest point, 14,501 feet
above sea level, and a point in Death
valley Is 276 feet below sea leveL
These two points, which are both In
California, are less than 90 miles
apart This difference Is small, how
ever, as compared with the figures for
Asia. Mount Everett rises 29,002 feet
above sea level, whereas the shores
of the Dead sea are 1,290 feet below
sea level, a total difference In land
heights of 30,292 feet Mount Everett
has never been climbed.
The greatest ocean depth yet found
Is 82,088 feet at a point about 40 miles
north of the island of Mindanao, In the
Philippine island. The ocean bottom
at this point is therefore more than
11 miles below the summit of Mount
Everest
The difference in the land heights
In Europe is about 15,868 feet
OLD SPELLING SCHOOL TRICK
One of the Most Interesting and Puz
zling of Deceptions Which Can
Be Done With Cards.
The "old spelling school" trick is one
of the most interesting and baffling of
the many which can be done with
cards. All the cards in any suit are
required for the trick, which consists
In "sUcking" the thirteen cards In
such a manner that when held In the
hand, face down, and changing a card
from top to bottom, with each letter
spelling the number or name of the
card, the one desired will come out In
regular order. One comes first then
two, and so on to Jack, queen, king.
In placing the cards In position the
fourth from the top of the pack as held
In the hand, face down, must be the
see, o-n-e; the eighth, the two spot
Who can tell how to arrange the re
maining eleven cards so that placing
a card at bottom for each letter, three,
tour, five, up to the king, come out?
It will be noted fifty-two letters are
required to spell the numbers and
names of all the cards In a suit
RIDDLES.
Why are real friends like ghosts?
They are often heard of, but seldom
teen.
When Is a sick man a contradic
tion? When he Is an impatient patient
When Is coffee like the earth?
. When it is ground.
When is a baby like a breakfast
tup?
.When it is a tea thing (teething).
What roof covers the most noisy
tenant?
The root of the mouth.
What's the difference between an
Irishman frozen to death and a Scot
tish Highlander on a mountain peak la
lanuary?
One is kilt with the cold, the other
oold with the kilt
INSPIRED BY CHARGER
RIDERLESS HORSE 8HAMED THE
RETREATING 80LDIER8.
Faithful White Stallion, After the Col
onel Had Fallen, Went On, as
He Would Have, to Victory
, or Death. -r--T
Three hundred yards from the spit
ting trenches a nickel Jacketed bullet
caught the colonel squarely in the
forehead, and he lurched from the
saddle. A hoarse cry went up from
the thundering regiment and the
white horse plunged wildly, one of
his rider's feet still in the stirrup.
The trenches broke Into yells and
their fire swelled louder. The cuiras
siers slowed; their long lines wavered,
hesitated, and broke.
From the other side of the river,
the Infantry, struggling vainly under
the pitiless mauling of the enemy's
Are, saw the charge through the
smoke of the guns saw the colonel's
fall, and groaned when the splendid
squadrons broke. The sweat, pouring
down the general's face, felt cold as
he wiped it away with a hand that
trembled.
"They re gone I" he muttered brok
enly. "And he's gone with them!" he
added; for he had known the big
blond colonel, and loved him as the
men did.
Stung by the fire which pelted their
backs as unrelentingly as it had their
faces, the broken masses of the cav
alry rolled back over the ground al
ready heaped with their dead. Sud
denly, from the scattered fringe of
horsemen cloaking the rear of the
fleeing cloud, broke the big white
stallion, the heavy empty saddle show,
lng pitifully against his white flank.
An instant he stood, trembling; then
his head went up, his mane shook out
and he started back toward the hostile
trenches.
Across the river, the infantry gasp
ed; the gunners stuck their heads
from gullies and cheered; the bleed
ing, cowering infantry wiped their
rifles. Something seemed to catch in
the general's throat, and something
streamed down his cheek that was not
sweat
The white horse had gone twenty
yards when a cuirassier officer flung
his long blade high in the air. The
wavering columns slowed, jolting up
and down like rocking horses as the
men sawed on the bits. Above the
din of the firing sounded the cracked
blowing of 'the cavalry trumpets. A
single shining figure turned and sped
after the empty saddle, a little group
followed, a line veered round clumsily
and started back, then the. whole
lurching mass pulled about and went
back through the heaped-up bodies on
the ground, the white horse with the
empty saddle galloping steadily before
them.
A hoarse yell went up from every
heavy-eyed, broken-spirited infantry,
man in the long lines. The itwo pum
meled columns broke into little drib
lets of men, who ran down to the
shore, plunged Into the current and
started splashing for the opposite
bank without an apparent thought oi
the hall of metal slashing through
them. The gunners Jumped from
their shelter and jammed the shells
into the cold breeches of the guns.
The supporting column awoke, and Its
front was suddenly lighted by a thou
sand flashes of Are. Donal Hamilton
in McClure's Magazine.
Feared the Other.
The man of great financial promi
nence had met with an accident
- "We'll have to probe," said the doo
tor. Just at that moment the man recov
ered consciousness and exclaimed:
"If it's a surgical operation go
ahead; but if it's another Investiga
tion, give me an anesthetic" Wash
ington Star.
Quickly 8olvee
Poor little Potts strained his head
In vain endeavors to see the stage.
The immobile back and great head
of the man in front of him completely
hid his view.
Suddenly the big man tunned.
"What's the matter, matey; can't
you see anything r he asked.
"Can't even see a streak of the
stage through you," murmured little
Potts pathetically.
The big man grinned sarcastic
ally: "Ah, well, son, Just keep your eye
on me and laugh when I do."
On the Lookout
"Where is your greatest bargali
centers?" inquired the stranger
"Bargain scenter?" said the oid rest
dent "There she goes now. Mra
Dorkins. Whenever there's a real sao
rlfloe sale she's always the first one oa
hand, and she gets the pick."
Point of View.
"I tee Bill has fitted his car with
a new siren."
"Yes; good looking, too." Hirrar4
Lampoon. '