TOPICS OF
i THE TIMES
ssssjsejepisjsktji i
It may be necessary to draft census
takers the next time a census Is taken.
King; Menellk, who died several
weeks ago, Is still dead, contrary to his
usual custom.
The man who said that beauty Is
only skin deep must have had refer
ence to the Ben Davis apple.
We would be glad to know that
very man who gets Into a hole could,
In some way, come out of it whole.
The man who died of heart disease
after drawing a royal flush must have
had a string of hard luck before that
A revolution in Nicaragua, when in
full career, must be fully as wild, fu
rious and spectacular as a game of
Rugby football.
It has been a very difficult matter
for this country to keep ez-Presldents
on hand. Let Colonel Roosevelt look
out for his health.
In one Georgia county recently thirty-six
divorces were granted within
two hours. If this becomes generally
known Reno's business may be ruined.
A Cincinnati man has retired from
business with 1 1,000,000, which he
Bays is as much money as any man
has the right to possess. How ha must
dislike tiouble.
Oscar Hammersteln explains that he
got out of grand opera with his health
unimpaired and his pocketbook un
flattened. Oscar Is always doing sen
sational things.
A New York cartoonist has been or
dered to pay his former wife $400 a
month alimony. This will be likely to
add to the number of young men who
are learning to be cartoonists.
One of the latest wrinkles in Arkan
sas is to raise large quantities of rice
by an Improved American method.
Every State can do something new and
valuable to increase the food supply.
A "school of matrimony! for glrlB
has been instituted in Boston, which
proposes to teach "the prime essen
tials of wedded happiness." After all
la said, one of the prlmest essentials
la a good man.
The high price of living ought to
diminish cancer. Dr. R. O. Curtln of
Philadelphia says that the disease, he
thinks, is due to over-nutrltlon, result
ing from the Incapacity of the human
body to assimilate too great a supply
of food.
A physician says a man Is Just as
old as his blood vessels, no matter
when he was born. Still, It will be dif
ficult to convince the public that a
man whose blood vessels are only 35
Is no older than that If he has lost bis
teeth and his hair and can no longer
run for a car without getting out of
breath.
In the case of a sick woman and her
children who came to this country in
the steerage while the husband and
rather was a cabin passenger, the
mother and children were ordered de
ported on the ground that they were
liable to become public charges. The
authorities were Justified in believing
that such a head of a family would
put the burden of their support on any
one who would bear It
One of the most picturesque Inci
dents in Cooper's novel, "The Pio
neers." Is the night of the passenger
pigeons which darkened the sky with
their millions and were slaughtered
by the thousands. Even as late as
1880 the birds were not uncommon, but
lnce then they have become almost
extinct A fund of nearly $4,000 has
been raised by the naturalists of this
country and Canada for the protec
tion of the few survivors of these In
teresting birds.
Blxteen-hour eggs are now advertised
In the New York papers that Is, eggs
that have been laid only that length of
time. The March price was 65 cents
a dosen. There Is a suggestion in this
to farmers who are near any large
market Blxteen-hour celery, or eight
hour string-beans or sweet corn or
green peas ought to find a ready sale
to families who do not raise their own
vegetables, and would like something
which has not lain in the markets two
or three days, till all the freshness
has disappeared.
By far the greatest undertaking ever
engaged In by a railroad company, in
the nature of constructing a station or
terminal. Is the work now under way
at the Grand Central Station In New
York City. There, on Forty-second
street and the region north of it, the
changes now being made and the new
buildings and Improvements planned
Cor the next few years reDresent an
outlay which is estimated at one nun
dred and eighty million dollars. The
station building itself will occur six
city blocks, and the whole terminal
plant will occupy seventeen. This sta
tion is the greatest traffic center In
the world, and on the two levels no
fewer than sixty-two tracks will enter.
In all the changes being made and all
the stupendous structures projected
absolute architectural harmony will be
maintained. While the work Is going
on there is bo interruption of traffic,
and last year about one hundred and
eighty thousand trains, handling over
twenty million passengers, came and
went at the present station.
The cry "Back to the Farm" pro
ceeds chiefly from persons who have
achieved position and wealth by ways
as remote as possible from the corn
rows and the potato hills of the life
bucolic. Their examples are the mag
nets which form the chief attraction
to draw the youth of the country dis
tricts to the cities. There is nothing
more absurd than the vehement ap
peals of the railroad president or the
well-paid metropolitan editor to
Hodges and Gregory to "Stand by the
soil and make food for the people."
Armour was a farmer's boy, as was
Rockefeller, and as were McCormlck
and Pullman. Why did not they prac
tice what they preach, cling to the
plow handles and be content to earn
In a lifetime by dally toil a sum about
half either of their sort pays his chauf
feur annually? The only thing that
strikes us as ridiculous as the anxiety
of this class to keep the hayseeds at
work for them is the zeal of every silk
hatted and velvet-handed politician In
going about telling men who have
grown gray In agricultural pursuits
how they should till their acres, and
plant their seed, and house their crops,
and feed their cattle, and breed their
chickens, and milk their cows, and
bring up their children. It Is enough
for a person to hold a public office
and straightway he becomes an author
ity on all things pertaining to hus
bandry, horticulture, stock raising and
fertilizers. He may not, oftenest does
not, know the difference between grow
ing wheat and rye, but that does not
deter him from playing the role of an
expert before audiences not one among
whom wouldn't starve to death If he
brought to his occupation no more
practical knowledge than is possessed
by his would-be Instructor. Why should
the farmers be singled out for this sort
of imposition? Of course, we are
aware that nearly every individual
who can read and write thinks he
could fill a pulpit better than the bish
op of his diocese and run a newspaper
more brilliantly than the dean ol
American Journalism; but such folks
at least abstain from calling the
preachers and editors together to en
dure lectures of criticism and advlw
from inexperience and incompetence.
"FAN" AND THE "ROOTER."
Important Respects in Which the
Two Are Quito Wide. Apart.
"There's one thing about this base
ball game I'd like to have the public
straightened out on before the season
proceeds any further," began the
smooth-faced little man with the close
ly .cropped white ualr, at exactly 2
o'clock In the grand stand yesterday,
according to the Cleveland Plain Deal
er. "I refer to the use of the words
'rooter' and 'fan' Interchangeably.
"I may be wrong this is nothing
more than my opinion but it is my
firm belief that the baseball Yan, by
which I mean the man that attends
all the games and reads all the ac
counts In the newspapers after he gets
home, Is seldom much of a rooter. The
fan's the regular; the rooter's the oc
casional. The fan, the regular, Is as
Impassive and nonexcltable as an old
theater attendant is over the dastard
ly act of the villain in a melodrama.
He used to be a rooter, but he quit all
forms of outward demonstration when
be was graduated into the regular
class and became a blown In the bottle
fan. It isn't that he's any lees appre
ciative, but he's too old a fixture in
the grand stand to be swayed by the
passion of the multitude any more
than Willie Winter would get het up
over the climax to a strong scene on
the stage.
"This play-worsted fan says to him
self, 'You're out!' or 'You're safe!' the
moment the ball has left the surface
of the bat, and he begins to Jot some
thing down on his scorecard, but you
don't see him getting up on hls hind
legs and hollering about it and mak
ing a spectacle of himself.
"Now, the rooter, on the other hand
he doesn't. get a chance to attend a
ball game every day in the week, and
the Intervals between his visits to the
ball park are sufficient to renew his
enthusiasm. So he makes a good deal
of noise. Let him do it. He adds to
the gayety of the occasion. We couldn't
get along without him. But don't let
him pose around as a 'regular.' "
Making a Life.
Many a man has made a good living
who has made a poor life. Some men
have made splendid lives who have
made very moderate and even scanty
livings. Success Magazine.
Some men are proud of their ability
to tell a He that passes for the truth,
BURIAL PLACE OF SHIPS
Pinnacle of Rock at Mouth of San
Juan de Fuca Straits, in
Pacific Ocean.
tONG RECORD OP DISASTER.
New Theory Advanced aa to the
Loss of Many Vessels Near.
Vancouver Coast.
That there is a graveyard of steam
ers at the entrance to the Straits of
San Juanrde Fuca Is the theory ad
vanced by local shipping men apropos
of the reports from Ucluelet, which
they conjectured might be the hulk of
the long lost war sloop Condor, with
which 140 British sailors went down.
"I have watched the accounts of
the loss of the steamers missing after
their departure from these shores
carefully," says a marine authority,
according to a Victoria correspondent
of the New York Sun, "and am con
vinced that .the most probable cause
of the repeated disasters is a pinnacle
of rock. Somewhere northwest of
Duentze Head there Is probably such
a pinnacle, and the loss of the Condor
and of the steamers Matteawan, Mont
serrat, Keewatln and others that have
disappeared, leaving but scant wreck
age found long after to indicate their
fate, has in all probability been due
to their colliding with this pinnacle.
If investigations were made, say by
sweeping with a chain between two
vessels, this obstruction should be
definitely placed.
Graveyard of the Sea,
The wrecks of these almost forgot
ten craft He probably heaped together
In this graveyard of ships, and if a
wrecking vessel went to Investigate
the result ought to be of large advan
tage to the wreckers. If they located
the wrecks they would recover chain
and other materials which would
handsomely reward them."
The people of Ucluelet are excited
over the reports of the steamer Orion
concerning the obstruction she en
countered. There" is, however, noth
ing beyond the fouling of the whaler's
cable and that the cut end came up
covered with paint to base the location
of a wreck upon. Nearer to the vil
lage Is the well known wreck beneath
the water of the iron-hulled Pass of
Melfort, which drove against the cliffs
of Amphltrlte point one dark winter's
night and foundered with all hands.
It Is certain that the bones of many
ships He off the coast of Vancouver
Island. A few scattered and broken
hulls still perched along the beach re
main as monuments. Some years ago
Capt. T. P. H. Whltelaw, the veteran
wrecker, combed this graveyard super-,
flclally and brought up anchor chains
and other finds that told of wrecks
beneath the waters.
In the '70s the first trading posts
were established and the first mission
aries went to blaze the way of settle
ment and civilization in this region.
Father Brabant was one of the first
coast missionaries and soon after he
went to Hesquoit in 1874 he was call
ed upon to bury twelve bodies swept
ashore from th Mallevllle, a Cape
Cod brlgantine that had dashed
against the shore. Since then many
vessels have been lost or abandoned
there. From some boats have reached
shore; of others no vesclq has been
found. Often but a name board pick
ed up has told of a ship lost with all
on board. The bark Dominion left
Honolulu for Victoria some years ago
and was not heard from. Then, while
a missionary was walking along the
sandy, beach in front of his humble
home at Clo-oosse, where the Indians
have a village fronting the ocean, he
found a nameboard marked "Domin
ion." Of others believed to be under
these waters not even a nameboard
or a life-buoy has been found.
TO WASH PAPER MONEY.
'.anndrr Mar De Established in Cin
cinnati for Purpose,
Cincinnati Is likely to have a new
laundry. Uncle Sam is to be the pro
prietor and while it is to be for the
benefit of the public the populace will
not be allowed to wash its dirty linen
there, the Enquirer of that city says.
If it Is secured here it will be a unique
enterprise and be the first of Its kind
to be regularly established in the
United States and probably the first
of the kind in the world. In fact, the
laundering will be done free to the
general public.
If the efforts of Assistant United
States ' Treasurer C. A. Bos worth are
successful it will be established in the
subtreasury. His chief deputy, R. B.
Barrett, has Just returned from a trip
through the east and while in Wash
ington he paid a visit to the treasury
department and there was shown a
new process whereby it is intended to
wash clean all dirty bills that are otlll
capable of being placed in circulation.
Deputy Barrett states that when be
was tnere be was asked lor a dirt;
bill and he handed a five-spot taken
from the money he had brought from
Cincinnati. It was returned to him
in an altered condition. One half of
the bill as bright as when it first came
from the printing presses and the oth
er half retained a reminder of this
city. It was explained that the de
partment Is experimenting and ' that
the prospect Is that in the very near
future Instead of destroying and ma
cerating all bills unfit for circulation
and replacing them with new the old
will be washed antiseptlcally clean
and again placed in circulation. Chief
Deputy Barrett secured a promise that
as soon as it is found to answer the
purposes claimed for it a laundry of
this character will be established here.
It Is estimated that by this means
hundreds of thousands of dollars will
be saved to the government annually.
The authorities have for the past sev
eral years endeavored to place in cir
culation only clean money, and as soon
as it becomes soiled It is retired and
replaced by new. Last year there was
forwarded from this city alone $24,
000,000 in unfit currency to Washing
ton, which was macerated and destroy
ed. It costs the government 20 cents
per $1,000 to ship this unclean stuff to
headquarters and then there Is the ad
ditional cost of destroying it
It is the intention of the government
to assort the currency gathered up by
banks into three classes one that is
but slightly soiled and can be at once
turned back into circulation; a second
iLul Id coiidlucied unfit aud the I'alid
that has become so worn and filthy
that It would be a menace to the pub
lic. The latter class is to be destroyed,
as is done at present, while the sec
ond class is to be restored to its pris
tine appearance.
CITIES THAT LEAD THE WORLD
Spirit That Animated Middle Ave
Now Inspire Germany.
I know of no cities In the modern
world which compare with those
which, have arisen in Germany dur
ing the past twenty years, Frederic
C. Howe writes in Scrlbner's. There
are none In Great Britain, from which
country offlcjal delegations are con
stantly crossing the North sea to
study the achievements of the German
city. There are none in France, in
which country the building of cities
has made but little progress since the
achievements of Baron Haussman
made Paris the beautiful city that
It is.
There ahve been three great periods
in which, the building of cities in
spired the thoughta and dreams of
men. In the age of the Attonines the
Roman people gave then.telves with
enthusiasm to the embellishment of
their cities. The great public struc
tures, the temples, amphitheaters and
palaces then erected have withstood
the ravages of time and still remain
the wonder of subsequent centuries.
During the middle ages the cities of
Italy, France, Germany and the Neth
erlands erected similar monuments
expressive of the love and pride awak
ened by their newly obtained freedom.
Now again In the twentieth century
the German people are expressing
their pride in the fatherland and the
imperial aspirations of Germany in
monuments of the same permanent
character and artistic splendor. Cap
ital cities like Berlin, Munich and
Dresden, as well as more commercial
cities like Dusseldorf, Mannheim,
Frankford, Cologne, Wiesbaden and
Stuttgart, are vying with one another
in the beautiful, the orderly and the
serviceable.
Important as Is the honesty and the
efficiency of the German cjty it is tae
bigness of vision, boldness of execution
and far-sighted outlook on the future
that are most amazing. Germany is
building her. cities as Bismarck per
fected the army before Sadowa and
Sedan; as the empire Is building its
warships and merchantmen; as she de
velops her waterways and educational
systems.
No Criterion.
Once during the progress of -a cer
tain case Sir Charles Darling remon
strated with a barrister . for the way
in which he was arguing a point.
"You will pardon me, my lord,"
said the latter, "but perhaps I may re
mind you that you argued a case in a
similar way yourself when you were
at the bar."
"Yes, I admit it," replied his lbN
shlp, with a quiet smile, "but that was
the fault of the judge who allowed
It" London Tit-Bits.
Tailors' Dummies.
Present-day fashion drawings are
artificially run amuck. According to
the artist, every man has beautifully
squared shoulders, an unnaturally
straight back, feminine waist propor
tions, and long, slender and perfectly
straight legs that are Innocent of mus
cular development Men's Wear.
The Shalty Ladder.
Many a man has spent the Best
years of his life climbing the ladder of
fame only to have the thing tilt ovtfr
backward Just as he grasped the last
rung. Chicago Record-Herald.
If one married man knows a thing,
every woman In the neighborhood will
soon hear about It
He looked in a milliner's window
ind saw "Hats reduced." "Great
Scott!" said he to himself. "What was
their original size?"
Prue Do you think he was sincere
when he said he loved you? Dolly
I'm sure of it. He looked too foolish
to be making believe.
Mrs. Knlcker Do you let Bridget
eat with the family? Mrs. Bocker
Yes; it's much cheaper than to have
her eat with the policeman. Puck.
'That clerk of yours seems to be a
hard worker." "Yes; that's his spe
cialty." "What, working?" "No
seeming to." Philadelphia Ledger.
She I'll never have another photo
graph taken. He Why not? She
If it looks like me I don't like it, and
if it flatters me my friends don't like
it
"And Is your milk pasteurized?"
asks the prospective customer of the
dairyman. "Sure," he replies. "My
boys pasturlze the cows every morn
ing." "Jones made an awful big hit at
the banquet the other night." "Is that
so?" "Yes; he was called on for a
speech and refused." Detroit Free
Press.
Him You're the only girl I ever
loved! Her That's Interesting but
immaterial. What I want to know is,
am I the only girl you're ever going
to love?
"Wilt fly with me??" asked the ar
dent swain. "All depends," answered
the practical girl. "Is that a pro
posal, or merely an Invitation to go
aviating?"
Madge Edith is surely not going to
marry that living skeleton of a man.
He's nothing but skin nad bones. Teas
Why not? He'll make her a rattling
husband. Boston Transcript.
"The young man who called on me
last night says there Is a fool in every
family." "Was he trying to advance
that as a reason why we should take
him Into ours?" Houston Post.
"Now, then, children," said the
teacher, "what is it we want most In
this world to make us perfectly hap
py?" "The things ws ain't got!" shout
ed the bright boy in the back seat
St Louis News.
"I wish I were an ostrich," said
Hicks, angrily, as he Med to eat one
of his wife's biscuits, but.oouldn't. "I
wish you were," returned" Mrs. Hicks;
"I'd get a few feathers for my hat"
Musical Courier.
"These 'ere flying machines and
wireless telegrams wonderful, ain't
it. Mike? Tis that. Ah, Tim, afore
we're old men we shall be able to
travel round the world without leavln"
ome." The Sketch.
"Do you believe in the Darwinian
theory?" "I am Inclined to go further
than Darwin did," answered Miss
Cayenne, "and believe that some mem
bers of our species have started on
a return trip." Washington Star.
Hewitt It took the suffragette pa
rade three hours to pass a given point.
Jewett Were there many women in
line? Hewitt Not so very many, but
they had to halt every time they ap
proached a dry goods store. Chicago
News.
Ethel (confidentially) Do yoa
know, Clara, that I had two offers of
marriage last week? Clara (with en
thusiasm) Oh. I am delighted, dear!
Jhen the report Is really true that
your uncle left you his money? Pick-Me-Up.
"I am dissatisfied with your account
of my discovery," declared the scien
tist "I told you that it would be Im
possible to exaggerate the Importance
of this dscovery." "Well?" said the
reporter. "You didn't try." Louis
ville Courier-Journal.
"You can't run a newspaper that
will absolutely please everybody," said
the editor. "No," replied the old sub
scriber; "a man's opinion of the fash
ion page is usually pretty much the
same as his wife's opinion of the
sporting section." Washington Star.
"Rory," said, the minister, "I hear
ye were at Dunlop's kirk on Sunday
last. Not that I object, ye ken, but
ye wldna yersel like yer aln sheep
strayin' away into strange pastures."
"I wldna care, sir," said Rory. "if it
was better grass." Boston Transcript
"I'm afraid my husband is develop
ing the gambling Instinct," sobbed the
bride. "What's the matter, dear? Has
he been playing poker?" "No, but yes
terday he offered to match nannies
with brother Frank to determine which
one should pay the car fare." Detroit
Free Press.
Saylor Van Janter's big apartment
house burned this morning and the
tenants would hardly permit them
selves to be dragged out Mets Why
were they so reluctant to leave? Say
lor They laid It Was the first tlm.
the building had ever been comfortably
warm. Chicago Newt,