A 9
TOPICS OF
THE TIMES
The wise woman marries a hotnei,
man because the contrast Is in her
favor.
The man who expects to get legal
advice for nothing should marry a
woman lawyer.
The government is going to give us
weather tips while we wait. That's the
way to get the weather.
It is not the size of a woman's hat so
much as the cost of it that worries
the man who pays the bill.
Andrew Carneg'le recently referred
to "that worthless dross called money."
After all that money has done for him,
too!
If that London bank for women de
sires to win a big success it should
make a specialty of 99-cent and $1.98
deposits.
An elevator has been installed in St.
Peter's at Rome. Will somebody now
please give the Sphinx an extension
telephone?
A professor tells young women they
should pick their husbands. Of course,
but they shouldn't pick them before
they are ripe.
In our Atlantic cet there are 2,500
Bailors who cannot swim. They prefer
to be the men behind the guns, which
they hope will keep afloat.
Being the divorced wife of a New
York millionaire is a much more lu
crative position than some others in
which the duties are more exacting.
One of the college professors wants
to know why Americans are unhappy.
One reason is that the people next
door make it so difficult to live as ex
pensively as they do.
Little Evelyn announces that she Is
going to Paris for the purpose of
studying sculpture and living quietly.
No mercy should be shown to anybody
who attempts to hold her.
Now a London doctor has arisen to
declare that mankind is losing the
sense of smell. Those who live within
range of tannery aroma will welcome
the news with unalloyed joy.
A Philadelphia magistrate has held
that taking an umbrella from a friend
is not criminal, but taking one from
a stranger Is larceny. But a man who
bas his umbrella taken can scarcely
be called a friend of the taker.
Men who are willing to pay $50 a
seat for the purpose of witnessing the
fight between Hon. Jeffries and Hon.
Johnson should at least have the good
taste to refrain from complaining
around home about the cost of living.
' Perhaps not a cruel, but certainly
a most unusual, form of punishment
was that inflicted upon the young
women of a Western college, who for
some forbidden frolic were required
to commit to memory the Constitution
of the United States.
American men of science are more
gallant than those of England. Fsr
example, a London anthropologist has
lately declared that a human skull
found at Gibraltar is that of a woman
six hundred thousand years old. Amer
icans pooh-pooh the idea, and decline
to be so ungentlemanly as to look at
a woman's teeth to discover her age
the idea of treating a lady as a horse!
and lnslBt that the only way to tell
anything about her is by a study of
the circles in which she lives.
Foreign steamship companies doing
business with American ports must
pay the corporation tax, according to
a recent opinion of the Attorney Gen
eral. His opinion is based on the pro
vision of the law which makes all for
eign corporations amenable to the tax
on that part of their business done
here. There are great difficulties in
the way of ascertaining on what pro
portion of its Income a foreign steam
ship company should pay a tax; but
if the Supreme Court finds that the
law is constitutional, a way can be
found for collecting an approximately
just tax from the steamship compan
ies. The government maintains that
the tax is In the nature of a license
fee levied on the privilege of doing
business. Its opponents insist that it
is a direct tax on property, and is
therefore unconstitutional.
There are so many things suggested
for the multimillionaires to do that
it is not strange that they halt and
hesitate. But nowhere among all the
objects in the vast range of American
giving, from marble medical colleges
to orchestral music, Is the great cause
of the American theater to be found
It must be pretty low down to have
earned so singular an isolation. In
all the giving has anybody been
known to set aside anything for rais
in f the common level of American cul
tlvatlon through the drama? And la
not this specialty puzzling, consider
ing how immensely fond of the theater
the American people are and how
much money they spend in going to
the play? Perhaps Mr. Carnegie would
say that people must learn to read
before they can get the highest good
out of the drama, which embraces lit
erature and the fine arts; while, of
course, so moral a millionaire as Mr.
Rockefeller, who haB probably never
entered a theater, would not wish to
promote or even countenance anything
so manifestly tending to Immorality.
XLAE.K TWAEJ,
Chicago Record-Heraia.
Friendship among nations does not
spring from the same causes which
promote friendship among individuals.
Blood relationship does not assure it.
For a century America and Eneland.
similar in race and identical in lan
guage, were suspicious and irritable
when not openly hostile. Propinquity
does not count for much. France and
England were enemies for centuries.
and France only forgot her hatred for
perfidious Albion when she trans
ferred it to another next-door neigh
bor. Germany. Likeness of temnera-
ment, political Institutions' or religious
belief is not its source, else why the
traditional friendship of Russia and
the United States, unlike in every par
ticular, and the famous rivalry be
tween France and Austria, superficial
ly sympathetic, which for a hundred
and fifty years after Richelieu estab
lished it was the central fact of Euro
pean politics? As a matter of fact,
national friendships or enmities are
determined not by the people them
selves, but by their governments; not
7 reasons of race or cr'.nelsle. but
by reasons of policy. Commercial or
political rivalry, the preservation of
the "balance of power," identity or
divergence of material Interests, lie
at the" bottom of wars and alliances
alike. That is why England, for cen
turies naturally attracted to German
friendship, is now in strained relations
with the Kaiser's empire. It accounts
also for her alliance with distant
Japan, who, like herself, is jealous and
suspicious of Russia. The sentimental
admiration for Japan, which roused
the United States to sympathy for her
during the Russian war, already shows
signs of cooling as a result of Dolltical
conditions. National friendships, then,
are rarely permanent; they shift with
the changing face ot world politics.
But national animosities mav be for
gotten almost as easily,-and it Is an
encouraging fact that in spite of the
bitterness of modern commercial com
petition, open hatred between peoples
is less common than it ever was be
fore, whereas the good-will which
shows Itself in a readiness to arbitrate
disputes without straining national
amity increases year by year.
HIGHEST CRIMINAL RECORD.
One In Every Five Native Has Deem
In Jail In the Hand.
According to the recent report of J.
de V. Rooe, secretary of the law de
partment and director of prisons, the
Rand conta ins more criminals to the
thousand li. habitants than' any other
place in the civilized world, the Lon
don corresi ondent of the Philadelphia
Ledger says.
The population is about 1,500,000.
In 1909 one out of every 245 was con
victed. These convictions have risen
from 33,255 in 1904 to 9,005 in 1909.
There were also last year 5,585 un
detected crimes, including 27 murders,
21 cases of arson, 12 forgeries and 131
robberies. Arrests for 1909 included
4,335 male whites and 834 women,' 91,
063 colored males 'and 3,493 colored
women.
The most serious part of the report
Is that dealing with the marked In
crease in native crime. Native pris
oners sentenced by the courts as first
offenders are constantly being recog
nized as old offenders, nor will this
defect disappear until the finger-print
records as to natives are made univer
sal. Nominally 92.42 per cent of all
criminals of all races are given as
first offenders for the year under re
view and 7.58 per cent recidivists.
During the last five years 182,680
natives have passed through the pris
ons roughly, one-fifth of the total na
tive population. In other words, the
prison has lost its terrors for the na
tive. It has been made too cheap, and
familiarity breeds contempt for it. It
was quite a common thing for the na
tives who had on them money suffi
cient to pay their fines in petty of
fenses to select the alternative of the
week's or fortnight's imprisonment,
with the usual risk of the native petty
offender being locked up with harden
ed criminals and educated to i?ina.
Life Tornlnn Points.
The climacteric years are certain
years in a man's life that were long
believed to be of peculiar significance
to him as turning points in his health
and fortune. These are the mystic
number seven and its multiples, with
odd numbers, 21, 85, 49 and 63. The
most Important of all was the sixty
third year, which was considered fatal
to most men.
A boy will get everything you prom
ise him and as much more aa possible.
If you expect your friends to, fight
your Dames, you are apt t f et whip
oed
1 " I'm ii urn in i i i ii muni n'- ii n ii i.him.i iiiiMin m, ,MM,,,iwtii.
His hands fall from the wheel; he looks no more
To see what reel or shoal may be ahead,
What narrow channel there may be to thread,
What Jagged rocks may Jut out from the shore!
What message Is It that the leadsmen send?
"MARK TWAIN!" The troubled engines
cease to throb,
The song the breezes sang ends In a sob;-
The trip Is done the world has lost a friend.
On lips he taught to smile the laughter dies,
The sun shines with a lesser, fainter glow;
Along the shores where mirth was spread a low.
Sad murmur passes, and, with tear-dlmmed eyes.
Men look out on the stream, yet, while they gaze,
In silence share the comforting belief
That, safe In port, beyond the last dread reef,
His soul Is gladdened by a Captain's praise.
S. E. KISER.
I A Woman's "No"
Cyril Otterson' proposed to me for
the first time at Henley regatta. We
were in a Canadian canoe, and Cyril
pleaded his cause passionately Into my
left ear in the intervals between push
ing boats and punts out of our path.
Why he chose such a ridiculous time
I have, never understood, and I found
it exceedingly difficult to convey my
answer to him with the decision and
clearness I should have liked that an
swer being a decided negative.
A widow of 23, with a tidy income,
never lacks admirers of a sort; add a
certain amount of good looks, which I
know, Without conceit, I possess, and
men become a positive nuisance.
"No, Cyril, dear," I said, "I really
couldn't. Vou know I like you awful
ly, and, what's more, you amuse me,
and, of course, we shall always be pals.
But marriage, dear, never again; so
let's leave it at that."
"All right," said Cyril, in that pe
culiarly aggravating way he has; "all
right, old girl, but I'm a long way
from beaten, and you wait and see; I
shall marry you somehow."
The second time he proposed to me
was in a box at the theater. It hap
pened to be a very pathetic play, and
Cyril, who has no idea of the fltnesa
of things, kept whispering words 'ot
love and adoration, while the audience
were In a state of dreadful suspense
as to whether an erring wife would re
turn to her husband or no. When I
had the opportunity, which was dur
ing the entr'act, I said to him: "Now,
Cyril, don't be silly; you know quite
well that I have given you my final
answer."
Cyril said nothing much beyond re
iterating his former statement that I
was the only woman in the world for
him, and other nonsense of that sort,
and that he was not beaten. The third
time that he proposed to me was in
my own drawing room. He had been
in a more or less dormant state for
awhile, and that being so, I thought
there was no great harm in .asking
him to tea. We first of all talked
about the usual banal ties; but, some
how, though I tried desperately hard
to keep off dangerous topics, we soon
found ourselves in deep water.
"I say, Muriel," he said, Muriel
being my name, "it's going to be beast
ly not seeing you all October and No
vember, and I've been thinking things
over, and I have an idea, rather a
good one, I think."
"Oh," I answered' "what's the idea?
Something sensible, I hope. You know
my mind quite well on certain points."
"Yes, I know all that, but, as a mat
ter of fact, you don't know yourself
as well as I do. What are the plain
facts? Firstly, that I simply adore
the ground you walk on, that I am
head over ears in love with you, with
the complete You, mental, physical and
spiritual, or, if you like It better, body
nd anul I want vour companionship
all my life, and with it can do things,
without It I can't. Secondly, you are
all alone, and you admit I amuse you;
well, then, why shouldn't I amuse you
perpetually? Anyhow, you can't really
suppose that I'm going to accept a
negative answer. Why, Muriel, dear,
it's impossible, and if you won't make
up your mind the way I want, then I
am going to do it for you. I propose
we get married on February 7. I'll go
ahead and make all the arrangements,
and it'll Just give you time to clear off
your engagement."
I must admit his cheek simply par
alyzen me, and I said: "Now, look
here, Cyril, you know I am quite fond
of you, but there Is a limit even to
friendship. The idea of your daring
to make a cold-blooded proposition
like that to me is simply staggering."
He made no direct reply, merely
murmuring some nonsense about
Monte Carlo having points over Cairo
In the month of February. Then he
buttoned up his coat, and said he must
be off; kissed my hand he's never
I WENT.
dared to go farther than that and
said: "All right, Muriel, don't worry;
you'll hear' from me, and remember the
seventh." ,
The next I heard of Cyril was about
a month later, that being towards the
end of November. He wrote a long
letter, narrating all his shoots and so
on, and then, if you please, ended up
with the following postscript:. "Don't
forget the 7th of February. I am quite
sure that Monte will be more amusing
than Cairo, unless you particularly
want to go to Egypt. We shall have a
ripping time, and I can't tell you how
I'm looking forward to it."
, Of course, I had to answer, and like
wise gave him my views on the matter
in a postscript. It ran: "Don't be an
idiot. I hate silly jokes, and I don't
even know where I shall be on the
date you mention."
December passed off quickly, Cyril
only writing once, saying he was mak
ing all his arrangements, and sending
me a perfectly lovely bracelet a flex
ible gold snak with an. emerald head
and tiny ruby eyes. It was" simply too
fascinating, and, as Cyril said It was
for Christmas, I saw no harm In keep
ing It, besides which I was fond of
him in a way.
In January I was once more back
in town at my own flat, and he came
to see me. He looked awfully fit and
nice after his country spell, and never
even referred to what I call unpleas
ant subjects till Just as he was going,
when he said casually, "Don't forget
the date, dear, will you?"
"I thought that Joke was quite ex
ploded," I answered uneasily, for some
how there, was something very com
pelling about him, which I wished to
hide from myself.
"Exploded, dearest; what do you
think I am about?" and he caught me
by the hands and looked straight into
my eyes. "Don't you know the truth
yet, that I love you with everv fiher
of my being, and don't you also know
mat i m going to make you love me
every bit as much?"
With his dparture, a feeling -that I
had been very near the brink of sur
render overcame me, and I began to
allow to myself that my life was at
times more than a little lonely, and
that being looked after by Cyril had
Its points. Day by day I turned the
question over In my thoughts, and day
by day I fonnd myself weakening.
Moreover, I had seen no more of
him, and he had not even written. Men
don't realize what a weapon is theirs
one which always conquers the weaker
sex the feeling that perhaps they are
not paying one as much attention as
heretofore. In fact, I was becoming
actually worried it was not the end
of January and I had made no plans.
Somehow I felt disinclined to, and the
most absurd part was that I found
myself packing mechanically all my
prettiest dresses, to the astonishment
of my maid, who asked me where I
was going. I said Monte Carlo, which
I positively hoped now was true.
February came and still no news,
with the result that I began to work
myself into a fever.
It seems almost incredible, but the
silence remained unbroken till the
evening of the 6th, when I received a
telegram containing three words, "Re
member the 7th!"
Remember, why I had done nothing
but think of it all the time, and now,
at the very last minute, came a mes
sage like that. The man must be mad;
how could one be married at a min
ute's notice?
I spent a horrible night, and came
down in the morning feeling miser
able, and, what was much worse, ugly.
About 10 o'clock in walked Cyril,
calm and collected as though it was a
most ordinary proceeding.
"Well, little girl." he said, "are you
coming? I've got a special license from
doctors' commons, and we've Just time
to get married, have a bite of lunch at
The Berkley, and catch the afternoon
Continental express."
I went. Alan Sethbrldge in M. A. P.
We have progressed so far that "be
ing good about taking medicine" Is no
longer regarded as the principal vir
tue of childhood.