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About Lincoln County leader. (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987 | View Entire Issue (March 11, 1910)
tot Well Take. "Maria, for heaven's sake nleaaa lar At get in a word edgewise!" "Well, what do you want to ayT" "If you Insist on our having more milk and better milk I may as well buy a cow " . "Now, John, you know that's not trying to get a word In. edgewise. Tou're trying to lug It In by the horns." Why He Qnlt. "Why did you throw up your Job at Id Spotcash's store?" "Well, to tell the truth, I didn't like his position on the labor question." "What was his position?" "Why er the last time I saw him he was sitting In his chair looking Sternly at me, and pointing straight to the door." Chicago Trihune. Why MotT A very irreverant youth was gazing at a reproduction of that famed group of statuary known as "The Lao coon." "Do you know what that la called?" asked his veverent friend. "I'm not sure,? replied the other, "but I should guesa that it la 'Father and the Boys.'" 8(111 la Force. "Rivers, how are your New Year re forms holding out?" "Dear boy, I was too busy to make any good resolutions this time, so I adopted the ones I made a year ago, and considered them still binding." "What are they?" "I've forgotten." Kconomle Keform. "I believe In turning over a new leaf on the first of the year," said Mrs. Ardup, "but I think my husband car lie 3 the Uca too far when h suij we'd have to swear off entirely from fresh milk. eggs, and beefsteak." More Trouble Among- the A neteats. Briareus was embarrassed. "I don't know what to do with my hands!" be muttered. Later, however, he found that as catcher In- a base ball game he could use all of them. of (By a prejudiced contributor.) I do not like thee. Dr. 1 I thought I did. but I mis . Thou'rt sure,Tnethinks, to get the I do not like thee. Dr. 1 Chicago Tribune. Biarna. "Have you ever noticed any Indica tions, madam, that your husband has liver complaint?" "I think I have, doctor. Everybody seems anxious to get away from him whenever he begins to talk. Could Boast a Little Himself. "Kid, I can lick you." "I ain't sayln' you can't" "An' my dad kin lick your dad." "That's all right My maw can rata a moustache, an' yourn can't I" His Treacherous Memory, "Er may I call you, Miriam, Miss Montague?" "Yes, If you like, Mr. Tompkins, but my first name Is Florence." Chicago Tribune. Worms "Caacarets are certainly fine. I gave friend Sne when the doctor waa treating him for cancer et theatomach. Tl next morning be passed our pieceaof a tape worm. He then got a box tesnd in three dajra he passed a tape-worm 45 feet ng. It waa Mr. Matt Frees., of Millers burg, tipbln Co.. Pa. I am quite a worker for Caaca reta. I nae them m yaelf and find them beneficial for moat any diseaae caaard by impure blood." Chaa. B. Condon, Iwialon, Pa., (Mifflin CoJ CUT THIS OUT, mail it with your ad draaa to the Sterling Remedy Company. Chicago. IU.. and rec ire-a handsome sou venir Gold Bon Bon FKEE. ' "THE OLD REljABlE" Go;iqrr;!gea Gleet AT DRUGGISTS.OR TRIAL BOX BY MAIL 50c FROM PLAMTEN.93 HENRYST.BROOKLYItNY BEWARE OF IMITATIONS. eeds Don't waste time and money plant ing poor seeds. Our seeds won First Grand Prize at the Seattle Exposi tion. Our prices are reasonable. Big Catalogue free. Send for b copy. Vogeler Seed Co. Salt Lake City, Utah ' 'rial Bottle Free By Mail If yon suffer from Epilepsy, Flu, Falling Sickness, Spasms, or hare children that do ao, my New Dis covery will relieve them, and all yon are asked to Cols to aendforsFreeTrUUS Bottle of Dr.Maj's t Epllop'tlold Oure( It has cored thoossnds where everything ! failed. Guaranteed by May Medical laboratory - Under Pare Food and Drugs Act, June 80th, IMS Guaranty No. 18171. Please write for BpeclalFrea 3 Bottle and give AGS and com plate address DR. W. H. MAY. 648 Purl Strut. New Tort She (reading) Anri an tViav dm married and that was the last of! woir irouoies.. Him (sotto voce) Last, but not least! Cleveland Lead er. "That man has broken more records than anyone else I ever heard of." "A runner?" "No; he owns a grapho phone." Stanford University Chapar ral. Highland Ferryman (during momen tary lull in the storm) I'm thenkln", sir, I'll Just tak yer fare; there's no sayln' what mlcht happen tae as. Punch. Teacher B-a-i-t; what does that spell? Tommle Don't know, ma'am. Teacher Why, what do you catch, fish with? Tommy Oh, worms! Tonkers Statesman. "It seems to me that I have seen you before." "You have, my lord. 1 used to give your daughter singing lessons." "Twenty years." Cassell'i Saturday Journal. "I have a chance to marry an old man who has lots of money." "Why don't your "He hasn't any bad hab its, and comes of a long-lived family." Chicago Record-Herald. "I'll work no more for that man Do Ian" "An why?" "Shure, 'tis on account av a remark he made." "An phwat waa that?" "Says he, 'Casey saya he, 'ye're discharged.'" The Lady My "usband, sir, 'as sent me. to say 'e won't be able to come and do the little Job you arst 'lm to; 'e's promised to go round the town with the unemployed." M. A. P. Mrs. Gramercy I feel so wretched, I found a dark hair on the suit my husband wore last summer. Mrs. Park Don't worry, dear. If you remember, your hair was dark last year. Llppln-cotfs. An automobile enthusiast proposes the building of a motor road from the Atlantic to the Pacific, with road houses and garages every five miles. Why omit hospitals? New York Even ing Post "Gee!" said the observing small boy, "when I grow up I'm going after a political Job." "What for?" asked the man. "Bo's I can go to the ball games every afternoon," he replied. Detroit Free Press. Conceited Bridge PlayerCome here and sit by me. Kittle. You can learn a good deal by watching my game. Kittle Qulcktongue No, thanks. I never could profit by other people's mistakes. Life. Blobbs At the next station we stop ten minutes for refreshments. Slobbs I wonder why trains stop only ten minutes at railroad eating houses. Blobba Probably for humane reasons. Philadelphia Record. Farmer Smallseed Listen to this, Elviry. This paper says that they have found in Italian prisons the pet rifled remains of some of the prison ers. His Wife Do tell! Them mus' be them hardened criminals we hear about Harper's Weekly. "Things look rather, run down around here," remarked the man who had Just returned after many years to his na tive village." "Run down? I should say so," replied the friend of his youth. 'There's a motor car comet through here about every three min utes." Mother Johnny, you said you'd been to Sunday school? Johnny (with a far away look) Yes, mamma. Mother How does it happen that your hands smell of fish? Johnny I carried home the Sunday school paper, an' the out aide page is all about Jonah and the whale! Western Christian Advocate. Mother (viciously scrubbing her small boy's face with soap and water) Johnny, didn't I tell you never to blacken your face with, burnt cork again? Here I have been scrubbing half an hour and it won't come off. Boy (between gulps) I uch! ain't your little boy uch! I'se Mose, de colored lady's boy. "Now, Mr. Blank," said a temper ance advocate to a candidate for mu nicipal honors, "I want to ask you a Question. "Do you ever take alco holic drinks?" "Before I answer the question," responded the wary candi date, "I want to know whether It is put as an inquiry or as an invitation." Philadelphia Inquirer. "Did you ever stop to think, my dear," said Mr. Micawber, gaslng at his plate of lobster salad,, "that the things which we love most in this life are the very things that never agree with us?" "Will you be so kind," said Mrs. Micawber, "as to tell ma whether you are speaking of the salad or of me, sir?" Tit-Bits. Terrible Sufferfna Eczema All Over Baby's Body. "When my baby was four months old his face broke out with eczema, ai d at six teen months of age, his face, hands and arms were in a dreadful state. The eczema spread all over his body. We had to put a mnsk or cloth over his face and tie up his hands and arms. Finally we gave him u-wu's carsapariua anu in a few months be was entirely eured. ami i, . fine healthy boy." MRS. INEZ LEWIS, Tl : w- . """"Bi -maine. fliuwl'a O Iff- II . . . .. uwi oaraapaniui fcurva ail D1O0U diseases. Get it today in usual liquid form or chocolated t.kUt. ..111 C . 1 ,wf-,- a. Mara Lines. "I could perfect my machine if I could get anybody to believe In me." "Yet you are undoubtedly a genius." "That's Just the trouble. Everybody thinks it isn't safe to trust a genius with money." CASTOR I A For Infants and Children. the Kind You-Have Always Bought Bears the Signature Ills Admiring; Spouse. "Pardon my temporary lapse of memory, madam," the professor said, "but your husband is a man of dis tinction, is he not?" "The only thing I can think of," an swered Mrs. Vick-Senn, "for which he Is distinguished is that there are more people In thl town who don't look live him than any man I know of." Sllcroacepie aaeehaalsm. Mymecldes, an ancient carver, was so proficient In microscopic mechan ism that he made an ivory ship, with all Its decks, masts, yards, rigging and sails, In so small a compass that It might have been hidden under the wing of a fly. He also made a chariot with four wheels and as many har nessed horses, which took" up scarcely more room than the ship. Had Nothing; on Noah. Noah was Inspecting the animals as they trooped Into the ark. "I don't claim to be a faunal natural ist." he said, "but I'm making T. R.'s Smithsonian Institution collection look sick." In due time, moreover, he sailed away with the greatest aggregation of living wild animals ever seen In captivity. PILES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAYS PAZO OINTMENT Is guaranteed to core any case of Itching. Blind, Bleedinar or Protruding Piles in i to 14 days or money refunded. 60c. This Lawyer Waa Young-. Old Lawyer (to young partner) Did 'oil draw up old Moneybag's will? Young Partner Yes, sir, and ao tight that all the relatives in the world cannot break It Old Lawyer (with some disgust) The next time there is a will to be drawn up I'll do It myself. New York Sun. One Thing That Will Live Forever, PETTIT'S EYE SALVE, first box sold in 1807, over 100 years ago, sales in crease yearly. All druggists or How ard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. How Did He Know? An ancient Egyptian moralist, writ ing to his son, saya: "If thou takest wife, try to make ber happier than any of her women friends; she will be doubly bound to thee if the tie Is sweet to her accord her what pleases her she will appreciate the effort" Only One "BROMO QUININE" That la LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE. Look for the signature of E. W. Grove. Used the World over to Cure a Cold in One Day. 26c Pinches All 'Hound. 6he My new gown is Just lovely; It's a perfect fit" He Satisfied on that point, eh?" She Yea, I know it's a good fit, be cause it pinches me so" He Well, it doesn't pinch you half as much as it does my pocketbook." Catholic Standard and Times. Alt Who Would Enjoy good health, with its blessings, must un derstand, quite clearly, that it involves the question of right living with all the term implies. With proper knowledge of what is best, each hour of recreation, of enjoy ment, of contemplation and of effort may be made to contribute to living aright. Then the use of medicines may be dis pensed with to advantage, but under or dinary conditions in many instances a simple, wholesome remedy may be invalu able if taken at the proper time and the California Fig Syrup Co. holds that it is alike important to present the subject truthfully and to supply the one perfect laxative to those desiring it. Consequently, the Company's Syrup ol Figs and Elixir of Senna gives general satisfaction. To get its beneficial effects buy the genuine, manufactured by the California Fig Syrup Co. only, and for sale by all leading druggists. Children's Cough the Utile Sufferin Ones Much Unneceeeary PIS05 There is a type of man who always wants to leach a living; he waits un til another man fills up on blood, and than sucks It P CURE Tnl HST M.tUU TOR (UtSiltJiS Ores fcatsat raU-sootkai and beak Iks little thraati and pretests bmts Mrious ilia. ChiUraB lias k toe ss plaaisat to take aed does sot apsst thsansmh. AO Drassbta, 25 Her Playing;. Mrs. McDuff This paper says that mice are attracted by music, but I don't believe It. McDuff Why not? Mrs. McDuff Because I never see any mice around when I play the piano. McDufTff Well, that's no reason for doubting the paper's statement Mothers wffl find Mrs. Winston's Soothing Byrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. Delicacy. Tubb Old boy, I want to congratu late you on your speech at the banquet last night. O'Sudds (after waiting a moment) I know you do, pard, and you're awfully sorry you can't do It truthfully. I ap preciate the effort, just the same. Nas ty weather, Isn't It? HLUUHUU nabltg p0,tlTeiy Cured. Only anthoriBPdKe&ley In Btitute In Oregon. W rite for illus trated circular. Ksrley Institute. 71 E. 11th N., Portland, Onpin Painless Dentistry L' A M. W. a. Will, Panstsr m Hava ft as anutosiB ramus WOK susalNTHB SrOR IB YEARS Painless Extraction t ree whan plates or bridge work U ordered. Consultation Free, Ton oannot set battel patniMS work done anjrwhere. All work fuUreunr enteed. Modem elactrlo equipment. Beet aaetuous. Out of town neonle oan have their plntf fnd bridgework fin. hed in one da U nnootwary. Ws sill giv you t jooc 22k (old or porcelaii crown lor $3.5C Molir Crowns 5.0C 22VBridnTeetll3.5G i Bold FilUnis 1.0C A . ..... i nn Utmel rilling i.uu Silver Fllllnae .60 Inlay Fillings 2.50 Plates 5.00 Beit Red rNb- btr Plilt. 7.50 Palnlsse Eitrilon .60 Coughs of Children Especially night coughs. Na ture needs a little help to quiet the irritation, control the in flammation, check the progress of the disease. Our advice is give the children Ayer's Cherry Pectoral. Ask your doctor if this is his advice also. He knows best. Do as he says. A Wt publish ourJbrmulM W binlih bmlnnhnl y from our rued iolnM W urgo you to oontult your dootor yers It you think constipation is of trifling consequence, just ask your doctor. He will disabuse you of that notion in short order. "Correct it, at once I" he wilt say. Then ask him about Ayer's Pills. A mild liver pill, all vegetable. Hade by the J. O. Aysr Co.. Lowell, "--i Unreasonable Woman. Wife Now, see 'ere, Jim: If yer don't provide tor me better I shall quit so I warns yer. Husband Provide better? Well, I like that. Why, ain't I got yer three good Jobs o' work this last month? London Sketch. In rrcw York's Cronx zuolulcal park there are nearly twice the number of animals that there are In the London soologlcal garden. r Wise Dental Co. FAit-mo BcTLDms , INCORPOKATSW lniBDwH.8is" PORTLAND, OREGON grriOl BOOBS: S A. at. to S . at. luntajrs, I te i. C. Gee Wo The Chinese Doctor This wonrleful man haa made a lifestudy of the Froperties of Roots, lerbs and Barks, and is Kivina; the world the benefit of his services. ft No Mercury. Polsona or Drugs Used. No vperauons or lulling Guarantees to cure Cntnrrh, Asthma, Lung, Stomach and Kidney troubles, and all Private Diaeaaes of M n and Women. A SURE CANCER CURE Jast received from Pekin, China B&fe, sure and reliable. U..f ailing in ita works. If you cannot call, write for symptom blank and circular. Inclose 4 cents in stampR, CONSULTATION f REE The C. Gee Wo Medicine Co. 4C-IU F: C Uli.. Pn.ll.nrf tm. ?NU No. 7-no WlV,A writing; to advertisers please mention this paper. wmw& A flsToring used the same as lemon or vanilla, hr dissolving granulated sugar in water and adding Mnpleine, a delicious syrup is made and a syrup better than maple. Mapleine is sold by grocers. If not send 35c for 2 oi. bottle and recipe book. Crescent Mfg. Co., Seattle, Wa. COLT DISTEMPER. Can be bundled rery e an It jr. The nick nre cured, nnd all other U umo etublo, no mnttpr how "cxnoppd," ko-it from hnvlnu the dl easo. byusinii SPOHN'S LIQHI1 DISTKMPKH CUllK. Give on tftw. "w mhw r iu ioou. apw on ino niooa una enum nrnia oi nil J? ;Wi iprmoi itltompr. JtoHt remedy ever known for mured in fonl. f him) P",bottlo Bnnrantoed lo cure one cne, 6Ucnnd Slahott le; $fi una. f,l' I J nuaozen, oidmguiHtii ttnrt hitrnewtdealem, ornent eiirern pain by. Booklet plven everything Loral upenU wanted. Large. aoilLnft bone remedy in exlutence twelvo yonn. SPOHN MEDICAL CO, Chemist and Bacteriologists, GOSHEN, IND, U. S. A.. IN THE DESCHUTES VALLEY The Place You've Been Reading- About Write for Information COOPER & TAYLOR, Selling Agts. 206-7-8-9 Henry Bldg., Portland, Oregon The Termers' I I Hll I Empire friend and LL . Builde Builder B SHERMAN, CLAY & CO. Bu SIXTH AND MORRISON, OPPOSITE POSTOFFICE, PORTLAND. ORE, We Sell Pianos and Player-Pianos of Unquest'.med Reputation AT PRICES AND TERMS TO SUIT ANYONE'S CIRCUMSTANCES la addition to our regular line of Fill Out and Mail Today. beautiful new PUnos. we have many Pie, mail me catalogue, bargain list and Rental very desirable used Pianos which we Purchase plan, are offering for a mere fraction of their original cost Though you may "m" not have contemplated an Immediate Address purchase. It will pay yon to take ad- Mam of friend whoexpeots to buy a planet vantage of this opportunity to secure a 8ns Piano much below the ost of a new one. Our Rental Purchase plan Address makes piano baring easy. . Please send free copy of If uslcal Celebrities. PUTNAM FADELESS DYES Color more roods brighter and faster colo: Ka is guaranteed o riv w to dye, bleaob ud te and faster colors than any other dye. One lOo package oolorssUk, woi oolors silk, wool and cotton equally wen e. write for tree booklet ANY, Qulocy, Ullnola.