UKG6LH OOOf LUGES
' R t COLLINS, Idkt
r N HAYDCN, Manager
Toledo Oregon
From Missouri comes the story of a
pig with au extra tall. Possible It also
lias a few spare ribs.
People who refer to Mrs. Gunness ns
another Lucretla Borgia appear to be
doing Lucretla a rank Injustice.
The Doukhobors do not seem dis
posed to heed any warning ngnjnst
taking off their flannels too soon.
In order to marry the man she
loves a Texas woman has forfeited nn
estate worth $800,000. He has no title.
A firm Is now losing money on a pat
ent medicine that once ninde millions.
They should re-label it and sell It as
furniture polish.
An Insane wojnan has been restored
to reason by being told that hell was
frozen over. We hope she never will
find out that she was deceived.
Says .Justice Brewer: "No pence
born of force can possibly endure."
Still, It has been a long time since
Uncle Sam had to lick anybody.
A Chicago Judge has decided that
kissing, without the consent of the
kissee, Is assault and battery. That
takes all the romance out of a stolen
kiss.
What a sad young man Alfred
Gwynne Vanderbilt would be If he had
to drive that coach from London to
Brighton for the purpose of making a
living.
"Does the 'Merry Widow' hat en
danger men's souls?" asks the Balti
more Sun. We can't speak for their
souls, but It seems to be pretty bad for
their eyes.
Rabbi Sehanfarber says too many of
the multimillionaires are afflicted with
fatty degeneration of the purse. He
couldn't by any possibility have meant
oily degeneration.
Hans Wagner, the Pittsburg ball
player, will receive $10,000 for playing
this summer. Mr. Wagner is. one of
the eminent gentlemen who have suc
ceeded by carrying big sticks.
A Detroit man wants a divorce be
cause his wife refused to put a porous
plaster on his back. He would have
had a much better case If he had
waited till she Insisted on pulling a
plaster off his back.
A dispatch says that Prince Vladi
mir Sergejevltch Kutuzoff and his wife,
Warwara Tranovskaja Kutu.off, of
Itussla, have gone to Doukhobortskv.
Note to printer: Please put the lot
, ters back In the alphabet after using.
A new terror has been discovered.
It Is a disease that attacks only a por
tion of the vermiform .nppendlx. But
It places the entire organ under sus
picion, and surgeons recommend that
no part of the appendix be spared In
operating.
"I promise always to be polite to
everybody, particularly strangers .and
persons I know," Is the pledge taken
by members of a Politeness League
which is being organized among New
lork schoolgirls. The "quirk" in the
sentence Is relied upou to Ox It in the
memory.
If any sped lie proof Is sought of the
medievalism of Uussian civilization, It
Is to be found In the recent spectacle
of two generals standing up and shoot
ing jit each other for "honor." In
civilized countries duels are fought,
but they are contrary to the law, and
are carried out iu secret. The Uus
sian duel was officially sanctioned and
was an open performance, In the pres
ence of spectators, among whom were
several women.
The history of the United States
shows that for every three years of
peace there has been one year of war.
This Is n very fair average for a peace-
loving nation. As long as human na
ture Is what it Is, as long as the Intense
rivalry for commercial supremacy con
tinues there will be war. Man is nat
urally a combative anlmnl. Ills nrl-
nieval Instincts are only a hair's
breadth beneath the surface. The In
clination to turn the other cheek 1b
not In blm. Touch him upon a tender
spot, generally his poeketbook, and
The Hague tribunal fades away Into
the dim vista of his dreams. -"Havoc!"
he erics, and the dogs of war are un
loosed. There are those who scoff at
the idea of the United States engaged
tn a foreign war. Who knows?
As a matter of fact, a little slang Is
an excellent thing, but In the present
era of slnng more than the smallest
quantity Is a great deal too much. The
English language may fairly be said
to be the most picturesque and most
expressive in the world, and it does
not need the verbiage of the slum, or
eveu the catch words and catch phrases
of the street, to add to its vigor and
variety. As a 'rule, the use of slang
Is indicative more of paucity of
thought and idea, than of a susceptibil
ity to the humorous and the graphic.
If we tell our friend to "get onto his
Job," "to get onto himself," "to get
busy," "to get a move on" or any one
of a hundred other things, we certainly
reveal our tendency to move with the
tide of the hour, but at the same time
we clearly show that we are more Imi
tative than original. We seak slang
frequently through sheer laziness. It
was the last word In the mouth of a
companion, and it becomes the next
word In ours. It is echoed by the
speaker, by the teacher, by the lecturer,
by the writer, but with rare exceptions
It never becomes anything but slang.
After all. It is only the best of slang
that survives, but even then we need
not excuse ourselves for becoming pro
ficient In Its use We should think of
the present as well as of the future.
Why use slang when we can spenk the
speech of our heritage equally well?
Why become the blind lenders of the
blind?
The stnrs In their courses condeim.
the Idle woman. The quiet forces of
nature reproach almost as severely the
wnmnn who vluntnrl1y overworks,
and thus makes herself a hindrance in
stead of a help in the busy world. The
keenest Impression left by Professor
Palmer's noble biography of his wife,
AHce Freeman Palmer, Is that of her
wonderful skill In adapting her work
to her strength, and In finding strength
for all Important work. She always
scoffed at the idea of "saving herself."
She saw clearly that a woman's vigor
is not like a cistern, containing so
much water, but rather like a spring,
flowing for human need, and to be
guarded at Its source, not at Its mouth.
Says Trofossor Palmer, "If there Is
any one lesson which Mrs. rnlmer's
life preeminently teaches, It Is the
life-preservhig Influence of persistent,
severe and Judiciously managed labor."
She experienced every sort of demand
which may be made on a woman, ex
cept, perhaps, that of monotonous toil
at some long-continued drudgery. Even
that, one can fancy, she would have
Irradiated by her Joy In every human
relation. In her varied and exacting
life she steadily built up her physical
strength. Her power of physical en
durance, not great In girlhood, In
creased as her Judgment ripened. "She
belle'ved continuous work to be con.
dncive to health, and proved It so by
practice." her husband testifies. She
died of an acute disease, which could
not have been foreseen or prevented,
but her too short life Is a glorious wit
ness to the value of a sound mind in n
sound body.
People who try to use their friends
wear them out.
Kosy cheeks are nice to look at, -Rut
they don't taste any better.
It takes a lot of the pleasure out of
gossip for women to have It true...
The average person thinks he's truth
ful If lie only lies when ifs convenient.
What a woman likes about mosqui
toes is they bring the season of open
work things they can bite through.
The most Important thing about com
ing home late at night Is to be able to
remember the next morning where you
told your wife you had been when you
got in.
tio.xl on a C'orkacrenr.
"Do you know how to take a tlglii
cork out of a bottle without a cork
screw?" waB asked by a woman the
other day at u gossip party. "It's a
mighty good thing to know In an
emergency.
"My sister and I were coming back
from the mountains, and she got faint
on the cars. I had n bottle of aro
matic spirits of ammonia In my bag,
but when I tried to get the cork out I
simply couldn't make it budge.
"'Let ine take It out for you,' sug
gested a man ucross-the aisle.
"Then, borrowing my pockctknifb
and using It with his own, he removed
the cork in a Jiffy. He inserted the
blades ou. opposite sides between the
bottle and the cork, each one turned
In a different direction. Ttjen when
the blades were firmly pushed In he
simply pressed the two together, gave
them a wrench sideways, and the cork
came out without any trouble. I have
since tried it on larger bottles with
success. It's a trick with knowing."
It's no wonder children are so cou
trary; Just look at their parent
ELIHU BOOT.
PUBLIC OPINION STRONGER THAN LAW.
By Secretary Root.
In the vast majority of cases
men refrain from criminal conduct
because they are unwilling to in
cur in the community in which
they live the public condemnation
and obloquy which would follow a
repudiation of the standard of con
duct prescribed by that communi
ty for its members. Where it hap
pens that the law and public opin
ion point different ways, the latter
Is invariably the stronger. The force of law Is In
the public opinion which prescribes it. Social esteem
and standing, power and high place in the professions,
in public office. In all associated enterprise, depend upon
conformity to the standard of conduct In the community.
Loss of these is the most terrible penalty society can in
flict. The rules of International law are enforced by the
same kind of sanction, less certain and peremptory, but
continually increasing In effectiveness of control.
"A decent respect to the opinions of mankind" did not
begin or end among nations with the American declara
tion of Independence; but it is interesting that the first
public national net In the New World should be an ap
peal to that universal international public opinion, the
power and effectiveness of which the New World has
done so much to promote.
KEEP IDLERS OUT OF COLLEGE.
By Dr. J. H. Can ft eld ot Columbia University.
Extraordinary care should be taken not to
admit applicants who are unfit to profit by
university education. Not everyone who is
scholastlcally prepared ought to be permit
ted to take up u college course, much less en
couraged to do bo. It Is on the side of char
acter and characteristics that the utmost care
Is needed, that the most exact Information
should be sought the very point ntwhich
most American colleges show grcntest Indifference and
least willingness to accept responsibility. ,
It is entirely true that a policy of exclusion needs to
be administered with greatest sympathy as well as with
extraordinary care. But it should be remembered that
the path of every worthy student ought' to be kept as free
and clear ns possible, and that the reputation of the
university must be considered and maintained.
Said nn Oxford ollicer. speaking of students who bare
ly meet the formal academic requirements of a bachelor's
degree, generally known ns pass men : "The presence of
a pass. man In a university Is an anomaly closely and dan
gerously bordering upon a "scandal."
It Is sadly to be feared that some American institu
tions have so long endured frivolous nd idle men, for
one reason or another, that they renlly fear to apply
theJtnlfe.
No university ought to tolerate ennui. Idleness, Indo
lence and dissipation, or in any way condone failures
which result from these. Any university can well afford
to have fewer students, if needs be which does not at all
follow if It can be rid of those who are Idle and vicious
and really Ignorant
A university degree not only ought to guarantee a cer
tain amount of Intellectual training, activity and success,
but should be reasonable proof that the bolder has been
so accustomed to industry and resitonsiblllty that he will
be neither idle nor Inefficient nor irresponsible ut the be
ginning of his life work.
prS& I have no doubt will be,
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g lr TV you produce and manufac
WU TI.NQ FANG.
SHAKING HANDS WITH CHINA.
By Minister Wu Ting Fang.
It is my fond hope that the United
States will get a large share of
China's trade, but in order that this
hope may be realized the present
friendly relations between the two
nations must be maintained, which
and all
remoi ed
produce and manufacture the
best of goods, and with your In
ventive genius and machinery facilities you are able to
offer your goods on the market at low prices. But you
kuou that it is human nature for n nation to trade with
the most friendly country. China does not want un
reasonable advantages and privileges. We want only
fair and equal treatment, and I feel sure that your
nation, so scrupulously conscientious, will not grudge us
that.
May China and the United States continue the best
of friends, and may the development of .the trade of
China with the United States, which I hope will Increase
every year, bring the two nations still more closely together.
SQUARE DEAL FOR THE CHILDREN.
By Judge B. B. Llndsey ot Denver.
The child Is a wonderful creature; a divine
machine. We have much to expect from him,
but he bus much to expect from us, and what
he returns depends largely upon what we give.
We shall suffer with blm, whether we will
or not, if we do not share his burdens. Let
us not weary of the struggle until the child
gets a square deal, for until he does we can
not have and do not deserve to have the man
hood and splendid citizenship that will come alone from
duty done in childhood's cause.
We have ceased in this country to question the duty
of the State. It must provide Tree education and puss
compulsory school and child-labor laws and establish
playgrounds, trade schools and juvenile courts, for the
State suffers Just so far as the child Is Ignorant or weak.
We "So not need more to emphasize our responsibility.
Tills nation must take care of lis children. From that
duty It cannot and it shall not escape. It Is only true
'o Itself Just so fac ns it Is true to its children.
PATRICK HENRY'S HOME.
Vlrwliilit Munition, Shorn of Former
CUory, In Jiotr a Bat Iloont.
Once one of the most hospitable
homes in Virginia, scene of some of
the most notable gatherings that fol
lowed the surrender of Yorktown,
whose spacious parlors and brond halls
have been graced by the most gallant
ben us and most benutiful belles of the
Old Dominion, "Montvllle." one-time
home of Patrick Henry, is now the ren
dezvous of countleRs thousands of bats.
They hang everywhere about the
great rooms of the old house. Squeak
ing ropes of them susiK'iid from the
ceilings. Over the windows they form
ragged curtains that dissolve as the
twilight grows. They fill every nook
and cranny of the wnlls. At night they
loosen themselves and literally swarm
about the grounds. For years It hns
been Impossible to live in the one-time
mansion. Now the heirs of the Aylett
estate have decided to burn the house.
The pest of the bats began six years
ago, after the death of William Aylett,
when the house wns closed for a tlnio.
the furnishings undisturbed. When the
bouse was closed a year later the lessee
"montville."
could not occupy it. A literal swarm of
bats greeted his entrance. Every known
means of extermination has been ex
hausted without result.
An effort to make the house bat
proof was a failure. Hundreds of dol
lars were spent In repairs, but the bats
still found means of entry. They held
possession ngalnst every onslaught.
Thousands were killed by negroes, a
prize having been offered to the person
who killed the greatest number. One
man, standing n the doorway one
evening, killed 2,000' with a tennis
racquet. Still there was no appreciable
diminution of their number. The ne
groes claim the bats come from all di
rections. "Moutvllle" is the last of the reTO-
THE CALL OF THE SUMMEH RESORT.
.i I rtNHaWood K
"My husbnmT doesn't realize ho
prescribe a change of climate?"
niu down I am, Doctor; can't you
lutionary homes In King William
County. The land on which It stands
was deeded to the first Henry, who
came to America, by Char(es II. in
1070. The original "Montvllle" was
burned by the British In 1778. The
present house was built by Patrick
Henry Immediately after the surren
der of Cornwnllls. It was inherited by
the present owners through Elizabeth
Henry, sister of Patrick Henry, who
married the grandfather of the late
William Aylett.
Peculiar to Terra Haute.
There Is Just one city in this coun
try where new guests in the two lead
ing hotels drink water Just for the
fun of it. That Is Terre Huute, Ind.,
says the New York Sun.
It Is the Joy of the life of the in
itiated to Invite an unsuspecting visitor
to the hotel to eat. There is always an
expectant look on the face of the host
as the guest settles himself, and the
host who does not get his looked-for
laugh is rare.
As the guest settles himself sudden
ly there descends by his ear down to
ward the table like a shot a stream of
water. Most people Jump, according to
their Jumping abilities.
The stream always safely hits the
drinking glass, Hnd as the guest rallies
and looks up for the source of the
stream there Is a grinning colored gen
tlemnn holding high something like a
nwll tea kettle with a pretty long
xi'out. The higher the guest Jumps the
more gratified this person looks.
Almost everybody will drink two
glasses of water and signal for a third
Just to be sure the knight of the tea
kettle can hit that glass. Whore the
custom originated nobody seems to
know, but Terre Ilnute always refers
to it with something like pride.
For the colored gentleman who Is
the smartest one of the buuch at the
trick three feet Is nothing to fire a
stream from the "water can." as it Is
styled. He will Juggle it first close,
then further away, and gradually fur
ther and then down again without
spll Ing a drop. Doctors don't have to
advise water drinking to people in
those hotels. ..
A wall flower by any other nam
would wither Just the same.