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HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
1G
Stories World Meets With Smiles
Y
K'T V r
r
Wouldn't Ho IrhokhI.
ELS1K I? a fU-wlllod child. One
CTnlnR while her brother was
M-ivinc his lessons, she asked him
MMMhlnp. GettlnR no reply, she
reptd ncr Question, and apatn re
jtd It with Increasing petulance.
Her aether said rebuking : "Don't
aaaey our brother. Elsie. Can t you
see that he's bus)?"
"I know." replied the child; but
he might at least have said: 'Shut
up!'" Boston Transcript.
Naturally Wild.
Reporter 1 hear a wild man was
seen roaming; about In a swamp here.
Native Yes: he was a city man,
trying to locate a choice building
let he'd Just bought!
KaMlr.
"Do you believe woman will ever
be able to outstrip man?" she asked.
"It Isn't a matter for speculation,
he replied. "She done It." Chicago
Record-Hera Id.
Defining the Dlen
"I've cared for several persons,"
she explained, "but 1 never have loved
anyone so that 1 would have been
willing to Rive up my home and work
for him If necessary. That Is real
love, Isn't It?"
"No: that Isn't real love. That Is
softenlnR of the brain." Chlcngo
Record-Herald.
Words nnd DoetK
An eminent Methodist bishop was
advocating a moro liberal loosing of
the purse strings, and during a ser
mon one day told his congregation
that nt one time ho Bent an article
to a pnpor In which ho said: "We
prny too loud and work too little."
The Intelligent compositor did a
most satisfying Job, and when It ap
peared It read:
"Wo bray too loud, and work too
little."
"I let It go at that," said the
bishop. "Tho fact Is, I bcllovo the
printer was right, and I never ven
tured to correct him." National
Monthly.
Iiislly Reduced.
A surgeon nt Johns Hopkins Hospi
tal Is fond of storlCH In which tho
Joko Is on tho doctor. Ho tells this
ono:
One patient fancied thoro wns
something tho matter with his heart.
Ills physician mado n cursor) exam
ination, disclosing n largo dwelling in
the patient's cnrdlnc region.
"Thoro certainly appears to bo an
extraordinary swelling right hero,"
snld tho doctor, tapping with his fin
ger on tho patient's side. "Wo must
redtico this nt onco."
Whereupon n fain snillo appeared
on tho patient's worried countenance.
"Oh, doctor," ho oxclnlmcd, "that
swelling Is my pocket book. IMeaso
don't rcduco It too much!"
IMgs Wore Worth Money.
An eminent Now York artist notod
for tho beauty of his otchlugd tells
ono on himself.
It nppcars thnt ono Summer wlillo
sketching In Now Knglnnd ho mado n
study of n farmor's barn. Tho farm
er happened to npponr and said ho'd
llko to linvo tho skotch. "It it Isn't
too oxponslve," ho said cautiously.
"Oh," bii Id tho otchor, whoso works
bring u Btlff prlco In tho metropolitan
innrlcot. "I won't charge you any
thing for tho sketch, but" his oyo
lighten on tho plgpon "I'll toll you
what. You can glvo mo ono of thoso
nlco llttlo pink pigs paying thoro."
Tho fanner frowned. "Why. man!"
ho oxclnlmed, "do you know what
thoso pigs nro worth? They're worth
a dollar apiece!"
Prayer nnd Politico.
It is difficult for tho forvent parti
san to avoid politics, even In tho pul
pit. 1 horo nro those, too, who never
try. Among thorn was Father Taylor,
tho Boston sailor preacher. He was
onco conducting n Sunday-morning
ecrvlco a few days boforo tho state
elections, and ho took tho opportunity
of offering up a fervent prayer that
a man might bo chosen for Governor
who would rulo in the fear of God,
who would never bo afraid of tho
faco of day. who would defeat tho
ringleaders of corruption, who would
defy his own party It It yleldod to
wire pullers, who . Suddenly
Father Tnjlor paused. Then ho
brought his prayer to an abrupt con
clusion. "Oh, Lord," ho exclaimed,
"what's tho uso of boxing tho com
pass In this wny? Ulvo us rjoorco
N. Brlggs for Governor. Amen!
London Chronicle.
Unkind Criticism.
"I go to thoso concerts merely to
kill time."
"Well, I'm sure you often find It
being murdered thcro." Baltimore
American.
Knlllng.
"Yes," said tho old man, "I find
my strength Is falling somewhat. I
used to walk around tho block every
morning, but lntoly I feel so tired
when I'm halfway round I have to
turn and come back."
Didn't Nerd One.
Goodheart "I'vo got you down for
a couplo of tickets; we'ro getting up
a raffle for a poor man over tho
way."
Joakley "Nono for me, thnnk you.
I wouldn't know what to do with n
poor man if I won him."
Usrlcss Lnlwr.
"My dear." roranrked Jones, who
had Just finished rending a book on
"The Wonders of Nature," "this real
ly U a rcmarkablo work. Naturo Is
marvelous! Stupcndousl When I
read a work llko this it makes tnc
think how puerile, how insignificant
Is man."
"Huh!" sniffed his belter half. "A
woman doesn't hnvo to vado through
four hundred pnges to find out tho
tamo thing." Judge.
It'o n flood Loiter After All.
Sotnoono has advanced tho opinion
thnt tho letter "o" Is tho most un
fortunate letter In tho English nlpha
bct, because It Is nlwnys out of cash,
forever In debt, never out of danger,
and In hell all tho tlmo. For some
reason, he ovorlooked tho fortunntes
of tho letter, so wo call his atten
tion to tho fnct "o" Is never In war
nnd nlwnys In peace. It Is tho be
ginning of exlstonco, tho commence
ment of ease nnd tho end of trouble.
Without It there would bo no meat,
no llfo and no heaven. It Is tho cen
ter of honesty, mnkos love perfect,
and without it thoro could bo no edit
ors, devils nor uovvs. Fourth Estate.
Not Very rilllnjr.
Tho critic's roast.
Tho printer's pi.
Tho cuko of soap.
The feast of reason.
Tho splco of a Joke.
Tho glass of fashion.
Tho reply that's tart.
The toast of tho town.
Tho salt of tho earth.
The in en t of tho question.
The wine of oxultntton,
Tho food for reflection.
Tho fruits of rcpontnnco.
Tho fcplrlt of nn occasion,
Tho taato ot ono's quality.
Tho milk ot hutnnn ltlndncss.
The wnter of a precious stono.
Town Topics, Now York.
Wns Somo Funeral.
A Parsons colorod womnn, accord
ing to tho Parsons Sun, attended n
funornl in Indopnndcnco a few dnya
ago, and when sho returned sho told
a number of her frlonds about her
trip and the servlcos which wero hold
for tho lato dopartcd. "Yes, It cer
tainly was somo funornl. It was tho
handsomost I over went to, aud I
nln't missed ninny since I enmo to
Parsons 11 jetirs ago. Tho services
was beautiful, tho flowers was sub
llmo and tho preacher woro n dress
suit. But tho climaxes como nftor It
was nil over that Is, tho burying
part. Sam's wife It was Sam that
died, you know took us back to tho
house from tho graveyard and maybo
sho didn't servo a bwoII funeral din
nor! Nover snt down to nothing
finer. Yos'um, wo had chocolato Ico
cream, soda pop and fried chicken.
And wo all bald poor Sam would bavo
sura had fun If ho could have boon
at that feed. You know fried chick
en always was Sam's long suit. Poor
Ham -- I"c Topoka Stato Journal.
- -. iis
THE MOORE
STUDIO
i:i,ks nim.niMi, i'oiiti.a.mi
AUTISTIC PIIOUHJIt.VI'lir
AT
Monr.iiA'ii: iitici:s.
Copy of tlil ndvertlsnmnnt
presented at Tlir Monro Htudlo
will cntltln tho holder to apo
dal reduction on nil ntylen of
work, together with n 7x11
pliuto freo of charuc.
ER9HX ft
UUUH9 V
AT Til E l
factort V
PRICE! ft
Z4Siylcs$
I
I
H1
I
.frvsrrvzrr,
2
lliturx, Nnnh (Ilnaa,
MouldliiKN. etc
At Lowest Prices
Srnd for our Froo
'ntnloguo und navo
Money cm biilldlnir
iturialN of nil
(IndH. Fully IllllH
rntnl nd ovory
i r I 1 1 I o priced.
I lotupt nlwhuncnts
everywhere.
Book of House
Plttnn
ImwIliK 108 dlf-
it ut honictf. Hunt
ii Miunld on receipt
ot 18c.
P. A. ROVIG CO.
1IS0 Wcxlcrn Wcime,
Hi:.irri.i:, w asiii.mito.n.
Wbta you to to Portland you will
want to
Attend the Theater
You will gat tho mott for our monty
by going to
THE BAKER
(Oao. L. Ililirr. Mgr.)
On llromlnar nnd Mnrrlxin fit".
Homo of tho Kainnita llaktr IMayara.
rrlc, tic, He. 60C lit Mat. J 5c, ioc.
Matlnrr
KITNIIAV, MI5li.Nr.MIAY, KATtJItDAY.
Alwaya a naw play Hlgli-claaa company
of ral acton nnd nclinin iitauttfut
nlo and atag rffrcta. Tho llakar
I'layrra hava bn Mmou In Portland
for lk rtara and la rr tlitm It a part
I of ona'a vlilt to tho mtiropolla.
- .
KZ
Sheet Music Buyers
Accept This Offer
To responsible pnrliei wo will
send tho latest Sheet Musio on
Trial. Write for complctu in
formation today.
Tho Into song, "My Dreamy
Hose," is jour3 fur fivo 2-cent
stamps,
MaciYs Music Shop
317 Morrison St., Portland, Or.
Become An Expert Automcbile Man
Our cipirt
lertruclort
thoroughly
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In I to I
wctka.
Why plod along In an undtrpatd poittloo
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I'ACIFIO AUTO A OAS ISNdlNi: bCUOOL
Wrlla for IMrllculara.
tos-tes nth St.. i-onuad. or.
PiP
""HEART!
WHEAT.
a NATiovi nnwnu
If ) our dealer detittiu
Bivd ISo atarapi for rtn
package ,y rmrcet Poit U
MORGAN MILLING I
0l.lll0tLP, UH
Manning's Imprw
Table Lamp
3C0
Candle
I'ourr l.lsb)
SO Mourn'
l.lKhl to
Unutliillon
Of UUkOlltIC,
f.
MlippUci lor All Kltvda t!
Lamps nrd Hollow i.t
H.W.ManningL.
tai Mitti su Potiuae
V.X, DROUTH-
l-rrpire r iill to rju
proiluco b! r crop flilM,
iim:iiivi. ravuiiiti.,
racka tho ll , fl
oaves tii-iitoiiinwni
(u N3
Nrnd nt i t
foruur liixiklrl
h(m '
Irv"
rcmNO EAST or
COMING
WeCanSaTf?)l
Reduced rates or. HooiWg
Pianos, AUiwrr
consolluaicu tu.s, -- ,
livery and careful huj
and Iniornwiwn w" -"
Pacific Coast FonwuJj
201 Wilcox nuumnr
Morse's W
Harden Gulda for lfllJ
li luit off tha prtit.
M
I
i
both ll'i"t5
.?' "'thTftrt
It a bi;uk ry oo
m
nouia na.
JIAILKI) riXKU
s.WaViiri
lir
dbl.
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tuiir
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