I
THE COOS BAY TIMES, MARSHFIELD, OREGON, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21, 1 911 EVENING EDITION.
.,.. ! .,.,.. ...,.,., ,...,- I I-....I.I . --l- .
, E 51
A Box of II
IrW! IIMV
H ; few
GIFTS
Would you like to choose
Something Very
Special for a Christmas present?
Well, see the fine collection of
Alaskan and Eskimo Ivory,
Fur, and Souvenir goods
at
T. A. SALING, Taxidermist
Cor. Alder and Front St. Mfld.
McArthur's
Pharmacy
No Frills, Just the same
courteous attention you
have always received,
Remember at McArthur's
Euy Your
Christmas Cigars
At Frizeen's
HOLIDAY GOODS POR ALL
AT
PRENTISS & CO.'S
The Best Brand of Cigars
The kind your husband, sweetheart or brother
Smokes Every Day
That's the kind we sell for .Christmas. If you come
here you will get the every day kind.
HILLYER'S CIGAR STAND, Cor. Front and Central Ave.
Get that
Box of Cigars
or
BOX OF CANDY
from
Storgard & Johnson
115 Front St., Marshfield
A fANCY BOX
Of CANDY
Strikes lior fancy l03t of all
when you nru going to got It
JiiHt rotnomhor that you call
Gub Cigar Store
inn Front St.
Multifield
Don't Go Elsewhere for Your
Christmas Cigars
COMK IIKH'B, WK 1IAVK ALTi TIIK POIUIAIt IJKAXDS. TINS
KIND UK SMOKKS KVKIIV I)AV.
ASIC US
BLANCO CIGAR STORE
jtudies in Discontent
Tlio Mlnviri'M'iitUIii of Mike.
(By Jack O'Connor)
InKSBNT tlio popular fnllnelen ox
lHtant about tlio Irish charactor,
not at all bccausu I nm an Irish
man, but Just ns I would rosem nny
ono RorloiiBly making tlio statement
that tlio earth Ih Hat, or that the
moon la mado of groon clicoso, or
that King Ocorgo tlio Fifth Ih tho
president of tho United States. Any
ono of those utterances would bo
rognrded ns silly, but It Is equally
silly to stato that all Irishmen aro
passionately fond of potatoes, or
that most of thorn woar rod whls':
ors and In moments of oxcltoment say
"Uogorrnh!" Yet such harefau'd
misrepresentation as theso aro In
Bomo 80H80 amusing by reason of
their very extravaganco, or Ignorance
It Is tho misrepresentations of Irian
character that nets mv hauilH Itchl"",
for n shlllolnh, though I am not posi
tively what a Hhlllolah Is, or how to
spoil It, or what to do with it If I
had It.
Ono of tho hnblts nf tho IrUh
which Is unfairly doalt with In this
nnd otlior countries Is tlio trick of
exaggeration In ordinary speech.
TIiub an Irishman will toll you ho
lias seen a trout ns largo as a whale,
or that he has a boll on the back of
his neck as big as n moiiutnlu. This
Is only tho untural result of his sano
and healthy objection to tho common
place. He realizes Hint to convoy a
vivid liniirefwlnn thoro la a ueod for
vivid language, lie Ih a bollovor In
the Importance of being earnest. An
Englishman would mouauro tho trout
with n pocket rule, because ho lackH
tho Imagination to, compnro it with n
wlmlo. Tho Jrlslimun will say, ' I
linvo oaten a plo ns big as a church,"
nnd otlior Irishmen will uuderstaud
that ho has eaten a very largo pie;
tho Englishman,, nnd, I fear, somo
Amoiienns, will proceod to nrguo
that this Is an Impossibility slnco no
pie was ever made ns big as tho
mnMet church, and If It wero, no
man ovor mado could possibly oat It
For tho purpose of convoying
dramatic offect this kind of exagger
ation far exceeds lltoral exactnosa.
"Whon I toll mv friends that I havo
n boll on tho back of my neck threo
fourths of an Inch In diameter o
one will think vory much of It, but
when I make the statement that
thoro Is a boll on mv neok as big ns
n Coos River hill they will at once
Infer Hint It must bo the very devil
of n boll. Wo do not long'" at t'io
pools who sny a woman's neck Is llko
Hint of a swan, or her eyes nro line
stars, or her lips like a rose, yet any
ono of thoso comparisons Is as gro
tesque as the comparison of a plo to
v "huroli or a boll to a Coos River
hill.
An nmnzlng hollef of tho presout
day Is that England preceded Ireland
In tho mattor of civilization. Tho
nctunl fact Is that Ireland was tho
center of Europenn lonrnlng when
KngllBlimon woro painting their bo--lles
with blood and roasting human
bolngH at their rollglous oxorclsoa.
Later, whon England began to wako
up, mainly as tho result of tho teach
ings of missionaries from Ireland, tho
sons of tho English savages wero sont
to Ireland to learn tho rudlmontH of
villxntlon. Hut seo what happoned.
Tho IrlBh romnlned satlsflod with
their learning nnd rejected whnt may
bo termod the savage arts, such aH
war. Tho English enpturod Irolnnd
by bruto forco nnd suporlor numbors
and appropriated all tho possessions
of tho Irish oxcopt their mother wit.
This thoy loft her ns thoy had no nuo
for It theuisolves. Then thoy argued
somothluK nftor this fashion: "Wo
, have conquored Iroland, which Is a
highly civilized country, thoroforo wo
jure highly civilized." It was H8
though I should knock a professor of
tho Greek langungo on tho bond an I
I then put an announcement In Tho
, Times Hint I waB a qualified profes
sor of Greek. Supposo a Mr. nrown
.was engaged to bo married to Mtis
I ones and I. bolng strongor that)
: Drown, should meet him on Front
street nnd knock him down: then, ac
cording to tlo KngllHh stylo of rea
soning, I should bocomo the logical -fiance
of MIhh Jones. This, I admit,
would be a vory sad thing for Mls
Jones, but so was It a vory sad thing
for Irolnnd whon England took pos
sesion of hor by forco of nrms.
Thoro Is u widespread delusion th t
every Irishman la poetlcnl nnd sontl
montal. I have never succeeded 'n
detecting much sontlmont about n
Dublin policeman or nn Irish politi
cal boss. Tho fact Is that an Irlan
mnn likes pootry much as many Irish
men like potatoes, because both it
those things nro good, nt lenst whon
they nro woll dono. A sonuot Is a
beautiful thing when It Is woll writ
ton. A potnto Is a vory boautlful
thing whon It Is well cooked. Iho
whole thing resolves itself Into a
question of good tnsto, and wo will
all agroo thattaBto should bo exor
cised whothor tho subject matter of
It bo pootry or potatoes, or Mur-
or Madrigals.
Tho Irish "bull," which has been
tho subject of English humor slnco
Ho earliest times, Is nnothor exam
ple of tho mnnnor In which tho Snxon
utterly falls to comprehend tho Colt.
Take tho story of tho Irish sailor
ordered to go on deck nnd see If the
llht in the forecastle was burning,
Ho cnllod down tho hatchway, "Tho
light's here, but It's out." Nothl-ig
could be clearer than this. In splto
of tho nppnront paradox. Tho Irish
bull Is simply tho faculty of express
lug n fact In tho clearest and most
conclso manner, regardless of gram
matical exactness. I menn no dlsre
cnect to tho normal or high schools
In comparing a "faculty" to a "bull."
I feel certain timidity about writ
ing of tho Irishman as a lovor, as I
havo had no porsonnl oxporlonco In
this lino, but nttcr all a mnn need
not necossnrlly bo n confectioner to
npprcclnto good candy, nnd wo do not
oxpect Hint In order to become n suc
cessful chiropodist I should havo
corns on nil my toes. Thoroforo, por
haps, I may alludo to nn absurd un
truth which Is wldoly circulated
about my unhappy countrymon. I
alludo to tho fiction that nn Irishman
lovos ns ho drinks, whntovor is clo
sest to hand. Statistics easily provo
tho falsity of this. Dlvorco Is rarer1
in Iroland than In any country In
tho world. Tho Irishman tries to bo
ngrcenblo to nil women, as to all mon.
Ho duds that tho easiest way. Hut It
doesn't follow that ho makes lovo to
evtrv woman be meots. It would bo
na sensible to say Hint hecauso a man
Is respectful in nil churchos ho Is a
bollovor In nil cieods, or that becnuso
a man has travolod extensively ho Is a
native of all tho countries through
which ho hns passed.
THE lMIlLOSOl'HV OF CIIKKIt
GREATEST THING
IN THE WORLD
VNHP
Hettrj nruiiiiuond sn,n. "I.ove I the
greatest thing In the world " IVrlmp-.
lie Ik right in the iitwtriict. Inn the
greatest concrete thing I know l a
CHILD ON CHRISTMAS MORNING
givnteM because most Jo.wiuh, iiuhi
no; enllng juul most lovable!
To lie Mire that ,vou mid to thlx Joy,
SHOP EARLY Then the glfis will
go hi the little oiiiw. whatever Happens
to you. Make sure of tse bappluess
of at least nm blld.
DO IT NOW.
Do you think that you'r'o In trouble,
nro you gloomy nnd foreboding,
Hnvo you grlofs and tribulations,
have you cares that arc cor
roding? Is your brow becoming wrinkled, nr
your chcoks becoming hollow
With tho wear of your conviction
Hint tho worst Is yet to fol
low?
Woll, I havo to do my duty, oven If I
do offend you.
And I vory glndly do It If It's llkoly
I to amend you:
You nro foolish. It's a silly, sonsolosH
hnblt you nro getting
Fretting.
Will It help you? Thoro's tho ques
tion. Dnos It makes your
troublo llghtor?
If you loso your sloop about It, does
tho prospect grow much
brighter?
Doe3 tho brooding till you'ro yellow
grontly holp tho situation?
Will storn facta become leas stub
born upon saddened contem
plation?
Stuff nnd nonsenso! It's Just child
ish, nil this fussing and this
cranking.
If you had the proper treatment, It
would bo n thorough spank
ing. I havo got my own opinions nf tho
Idiots that borrow
Sorrow.
I am blessed with soino possessions.
ou migiit inmost can me
wealthy.
And I freely nindo ndmlsslon I'm In
variably boalthy;
I hnyo frlendr, a loving ro'pninte and
sweet children, and I'm grate
fill;
Iliit If all woro lost tomorrow I would
not bo menn nnd hntoful.
I am sur- I'd boar It nobly, I would
rise to tho occasion,
I would gladly faco tho music, with
no wenknoss or evasion ,
I'd not nurse a grief or pet It; 1
would smilingly dofy it
Try It.
Kennott llnnis.
Try Tho 1 hues' Want Ads.
KNOWLEDGE,
I remember, I remember
Tho flr trees, dark and lileh;
I used to think their slender
tOJlH
Wcie clno npnlnst the sky:
It was n childish Ignorance,
nut now 'tl little Joy
To know I'm farther off from
heaven
Than when I was n boy.
Thomas Hood.
MAKE that HOY HAIM'Y with a
FOOTIIALIj or rUXCIIIXO bag. Tho
11lf'I.Utt
. uv."Wrin.
A Box of
CIGARS
Is a very acceptable
Xmas present to any man
Get it at
Club Cigar Store
331 Front Street
BUM
wm
FK ALL
m
DINNER
GET YOUR
CHRISTMAS TURKEY
AT
The Blanco Restaurant
WHERE ONLY THE BEST IS SERVED.
THE FINEST OF PERFUME
Tho kind Hint your frlonds uaos tho year around Is tho kind that i
sell ovory day.
Como to this storo for your
CHIHST3IAS I'ltKSEXT.S.
The Ideal Pharmacy
PRICES FOR- THIS WEEK
HM'KATI.Vn AIU (Jl'NS JJ-JJi
not) SHOT AIU GUNS !"?
HUM) SUM' Allt (U'X -1
mri.'uai.'ii iwn.it! at f'OST .
DOIili CO CAltTH "'4
K,h D 1JOWI.S " :.'-
CAKU PIiATKS " "4
wi: savk you .ioxi:y.
Coos Bay Cash Store
o. x. iioir, aioit.
HAimAY BARGAINS
During Holiday week we will sell Potatoes for $1.25
per hundred. , ... '
UIIU VVU Will g'VU BI.UU VWUI III ui owUMi "
$10,00 order of groceries and 50 cents worth of sugar,
1 .. !il ftK Aft ...I f Sr.r.
iree wiui a cuuiuu orur ui iuuchud.
THESE PRICES ARE ALL FOR CASH.
ANONA CASH GROCERY
HllOAIIWAV A.M l'. iii.wi
ml,.tmwmttm
Fr Christmas
yuWV CAICB
NotnscoodBrTBBT.
TERtlum any other.
soe tub porw
Also lots of other good
thiiicR. PLrn i1J-
DING, PUMPKIS
PIES and etc.
Coos Bay Bakery
ion
THE PLACE FOR " GOODIES
GET YOUR JOB PRINTING DONE AT THE TIMES' OFrl