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WM. J. HKGCiS, Kuitok am I'uiiMHiinn.
VOliUMH 1.
THE UMPQUA WEEKLY GAZETTE.
I'ltllLIIIII'.ll IIVKUV MOSIIAV.
OPriC'i: In Huiiuh' Ni-.w IIiiii.imi, decond
ttory) corner of Main ami Vuncallu sired.
TKHJtS INVAIll.Vllt.V IN ASIVvM'i:.
Ono copv, Tor ww yer,S5,WM fr l moiitliF,
JS.UU: fur tliroo invntli. S'.'W.
AllVNUTIHCUKVIK will 1)0 Inserted fit tlio rl
IowIiij rules. Oho mpmro or ten lines ur lew,
first liiKTllim, '.00; each Milo.ent liiM-rllou,
51,00. A liberal deduction mado to yearly ml
vcrltsers.
lli-NtSKS ('AitiM, of ten linen or lent, Tor ono
vear, $2i ', fur six moiitli. 8 15 j for three mouths,
""siu. - -
cTTIi nmi der of Insertions must bedlMlnct
y marked on tin lnirtflii, otherwise lliwjf wilt lw
continued till forMd, slid charg'-d accordingly.
VToi-tlf of ItliitlucM,
Oh I bow meet nro worda of kludncM,
Flowing from n loving leart ;
What on earth can we find sweeter
Than the Joy which they Impart!
In our sorrow, In our radntu,
Kind words prove i healing balm,
And In life's most adverse tempests
They around n breathe a calm.
Let u never speak unkindly,
Leal one word idiould pierce too deep ;
HcnrtJi made up of Unfit feeling
Never cnue a heart to weep.
Never let tho voice of anger
Any drooping mind oppren :
Ilather bind a hroken spirit
Itallcr make life's troubles lc.
Kwect arc words when Ally rpoken
Oft they give tho spirit cheer,
Kwett la whlfptriU consolation
To the chll J of sorrow's ear.
Old ifltbout a word of klndnon
l'ocr, Indeed, our hearts would lc
for kind words, like nngeli' whispers,
Kill th soul with holy glee.
VrtVI&wi2222L.
rth would sooa have less of sorrow,
If oar word wiro.only kind.
ilti0ccllawcou0a
A .tllisourl Wotldlnif.
In a particular vicinity of .Missouri, n
marriage woh agreed upon, between the
favored ton of n farmer of no inconsidera
ble influence, and tho hello of nil tho coun.
try around. Of courso tho eie of the
nelghborliood wero lu attendance. Every
body wot there, und everything was in apt
readiness.
" Tho Hoyal Tiger vtm present lhar,
Tho Monkey and the l'olar liar."
Hut that dignitary, to whom it wat do
signed to assign tho honor of master of tho
niarrinL'o ceremony, had not arrived ; but
just then somo ono spoko mid taid
"Thar comet Squar Hen Buncum."
Quick at possible tho lights woro trimmed
and everything put in placo. As usual,
anxiety, agitation and joy woro depicted on
every faco,nnd Mr. Tom Wisdom, tho lion
orablohost, wolkedoutto meet tho anxious
Squar," to welcomo him In, iuquiro for hit
health, tlio nowa, .Vc.
t Tho Hquar was a good-humored gcntlo.
miln, but ho was chielly celebrated for tal
entt, natutencis, learning, Arc, In hit pop
ulous townshiji.
" Well." taid tho host. " Hen. you havo
been elcotedlnit you had a cloto timo of
jt; my voio mono vnveu yuu. iuu utui
him ono voto only.
" That is all, Tom," roplicd Squar Hon ;
" hut tho next election I'll lick him. Thoro's
no uso in talking, Mr. Wisdom, without
usiug tho corn f-r-q-o-l-y, and n liltlo sly
Ecaudal and lying-rtlmt's all tho chance."
" Ah, well, that's all over, nud you aro
tho tnagistrato, Hquar lion, to como and
let's go in and seo what tho young folks
vUV Indoed, Squar Don, aro you awaro
ihat you aro expoctcd to nay tho ccromonyl"
ISenjamlw Jiuncum now began to seo tho
nwful responsibility of his office, and to
" tremblo from conlro to circumforcnco ; "
for ho had novor oflicUtcd in that intorcat-
" ing capacity. Thoy hud not oven dono him
tho justico to inform him of the part ho was
.expected to perform, or ho could havo pro.
pared. Ho. find made no preparation- had
no form, nor could any hook bo found, h)bh
or low, having tlio marringo corcmony.
Ilcncc, to take it "ofT-hand" was tho only
v.chauco. An unfortunate and excruciating
teBt for tho nowly olectcd " Squar."
Tho company was now arranged into a
crescent. Tho Squar was at his place, ana
in camo tho parties principals and soconjU
tho gallants each bearing a candle, whlcM
evinced tho extent and luxuriance of tho
rango In that neighborhood, With much
asaurnhco and dignity, tho Squar lookod
around, and wkolo ages of learning eoemod
iii:von:ii to uTi:it.vmiu, aiiiiui utvui:, mi.ni.n ?!,. okjiijual
- y Wltf tfmwnf '
BtHVWWttV.U;,'
lushing through IiIb mind. I lu thought over
everything liu liml dreamed, lint nil In vain.
Thoro wins n suppressed titter nil over tlm
house. This admonished liiin (lint lie mint
wiy something, itml In mi agony of despera
tlmi, liu began:
"'I'lio Htnlo of Missouri, l'iku county, I
coinnimiil you to "
Tills did nut milt, f 'uiiriuiuti nmt wliin
poring porptuxuil liltn ttiu moro.
" (Sivu him ft clinuco jjivo tlm Sipinr n
fair olinnce," nnlil n BtroiiK volco iicnr tlm
door. Tlm " f iiwr " lonile iinotlii'r rNort :
" llo It cimutfil, liy tlm (ifiK'rnl Awcmbly
ofllio Htato of. Missouri--"
Thb " .Squnr " wi licro lirouylit to n iloml
it.iiiil, Int vn iijiIii luliiioiiivlit'il, Uy tliu
tiltoriiij;, tlutt lio mint procei'il uitli Home
lliItiK. In njjo?iii!iif (Ioi0rnllon liu li'au :
" When in tlio couric of hitninn fvnt it
hecniiicii "
Hero ho wn louclietl by Mr. Wimluni.
After n iniuo liu ln'gnn nnlu:
"Our f.itlier rilio -.-t In llcnvni "
" Mt'VroicMhi( tlio I.onl'H lVayer'snyn
one. Tho "Siiunr" rnUeil his 'lotiuleii
vitioti to tlio c'liug for n short lime, uiul
heg.iu nncw :
" Know nil men by lheo (ireaenta "
Hero ho was intcrnij.loil by n I'liernl
noiie, nml n volcu from th" crowd, " liu U
innkini; n deed." Aniti hu esanyed :
' WMtiiom my hand mid ie.il, thin thu "
" IUh cinicludiil it ho will eerlniiily jjo
on witli thu ceroinony," snid sovernl voices.
" In tho iinmo of Cod, itiiiuu," he nynin
henn. Laughter from every direction
eoiiiu swvnfiiig.
" do is making his will," snid onn; " I
thought Jin would not live long ho looks
prodigiously snd."
The next esnny of tho noble mid lo.irned
" Siiar " was : r
"Oh yen' oh yea! como into Court "
" Aro we to hnvo Court to-night ? " eja
culated some one.
"Oh vent olivet! comu into f'ourl!"
replied another, from the door,
wait general.
hi., i t-
ill. i.iii.r.i
csec
Mo m
cum was ner irionu auu nenr.uy ,
untiring man ; and, after eatui
around tho room, ho determined
try
ngni" '
" To tlio cmiktaiiio, or nuy oiner jnwmi
officer (Ireetini: Micas, or inajiiu mm um u. .....
"Let'a go. lie's going to havo us all 'root, when rho plays at I poep will .you
arrested," said tcvcrnl Hero a glean! of for ten minute, beforogoi rwnnT agr. ...
light Hashed over the Squar's bewildered , Hut ; tin. black wasp hat no a of t heao ,w.i. -and
forlorn countenance Hu ordered tho during weaknetaeK of chapter; tohUiry,
iinrues inrsiiivvir i hhh u' v.. ..b...
to hold nn their liuht
..!..!. unit In a snh.mn voice ho said :
..... .. i -i. .e.... .i...i t..n...l
truly swear, in the prefoncu of tho present
company, mid of tho President of tho Uni
ted States of America, that you will perform
faithfully, nil and singular, tho dutict mid
" 1 liu. mill l-ncil ill luu.uumiii'iiiiiij ......
functions of husband and wife, as tho c.ifo
nmv be, to the hot of your skill and ability,
fi
'(lotM
over!" exclaimed the grateful Mr. Thomas
Wisdom. "Come, gentlemen," sain im,
"wo will drink with Sq.iarllenUuncum."
"A-jrecd!" hhouted tho enthuhiastlc mid
happy crowd :
........ .... ....... it. ..ii. 1..
" wolliiaiiconil main nil iinnuunyiirfiiii
. ... .. 111. .1.. ....L 1.. ll.A In.iPhllll. "
And ko homo with tho gals lu tho morning.'
Tho Hindi Wutpt
In tho warm summer., days, dining our
rosidcuco nt Tort Sorell (Vim Dlemon's
Latulli nml moro particularly in tlio cvou-
nuk wo bail often miliocd it largo Itlutl or
bfick lly darting hi und out of thu house,
witli a loud, sharp, wlitolug iiouo, nun, on
moro attuutiyo observation, wo found n most
tragic addition nindo to our list of nntipo.
dean contrarieties nothing lens than tho
disc5vcry of n wwngo and sanguinary war
carrio(J.on by lliet against Bpiders, and pur
sued with such vigor that ono would beliovo
tho Tnsnianinii ilics woro bent on avenging
tyrannies und grievances suffered at tho"
hands of spiders by tho whole wlngoddiiKect
family nil tho world over. Wo had observed
tho forcible, and noisy nbduolion of inouy
an unlucky wob-Bpinner, boforo I could
sittisfacloilly mnko out whut bocamo of
them, as tho frequent seizures mado, nppa.
rcutly by tho same liy, forbado tho conciu.
sion that thoy woro jbith with, devoured!
Imt. bv di.it of Biiudrv wntchl.iKsnnd pur
suits of tho flies, and by okoi'ng out and
fleeing together my various small scraps oi
inroiination and' diioovory, I ot length no
quired i toloraVlo knowledge of tho habits
and practicuTof my busy bluck nolglthors.
In blo and slin tlioy cxiw)ily resemble
ioAtVEnglish wnsiliut' Ifrtv yIioIly bluok,
MjXohiCBR f()rniIiliiblo'Uug8, n quarter of
iymifll long. Thpy Jiuild vory rpuuu kublo
cojlt'flr tiosts of earth, finoly-lcmporcd and
AJrmVd In layers ol' liny mutl.pals, liko a
swallow's noht. Muiiv of thoso woro plncod
ti ft n)olI wooilon oiit'honso, betwceu.tbp
. .
. 'V., TV.tetftt.VY,.
i'v
Upright ntuda mid tlm wonUtfnrArillng of! next, sei'Ing tho biiiiio weapon, which had
tlm wall i Mivorai wero formwl will ihilf on ' twleu been dltcharged, Mill pointed, riuhud
the poruh, wheiu huiiio umall piwf ; of wood ! on j but to tlm Mirpiiao of tlio lliisfli.iiiii, a
l,)hig heapod logolhur ullVre., jonvet.ieiil third shut wan firod at him J uutoiichld,
north; and one wasp, reiulviniMo have n however, Im wan about to cut down tho
umru costly lodgment tlau lifa Vwlls, look l.esglilnu, when a fouMb discharge Hcaltorcd
puawssioii of n iiifertollitUMil,aJbowl iImIiIiN brniim on tlm rocky pnr.'.pel, mid hii
lay on thu wiiiio fclielf, and very t-iiigly laid llfebiia body tumbled into tho torrent bo.
out liU house In its int-rior. fl tlm uestj ' uuatli. 'ifireo ofllio llurhiatm had now
I liavo examined aro nrraiig! n thu huiiio I fallen. " What devil of a pistol in thii that
manner, Ihe whohi fabrio beiei from two'spe.iki no often i" cried tho survivors to
to four Inchu.i long, and r.ithur jiv limn mi ! 'neh other. Tho J.eglil.iii n til I stood llrm,
Inch broad; thu external MjjH)fiie innti
.Inn tvlinlliur iiiunre. Iilnti'ftilu. or umili
IB mail,
gonal, deietiding n good ifejAm iho aM iiiecaiitloii not uniieeded, nhii.o now two
rhosen. When conipletftljWrhuru l Kursimis, nbtena,.rruro u tho point of as.
left; but, on being opeiipli.ljrwl or four nailing him. Certain or their prey, these
cell aro usually found, two tliteo con- advanced moro cautiously thou their jiredo.
tainlng each n soft white chniilu in a co-' eeiiors.
coon of whito well ; mid jfnr.tfii;,U apail-1 'I'hii timu two delibernto thots brought
meut of tho mauaion li ilevnli.,tu the pur. tln'in right mid left ; each fell ilerceil tieir
poaea of a laider, and i id; fouie' full tlm region of the heart. Tlm lemainlng
ofupidem, of all varieties ofaii, color mid ' ndilierh wero imacd. Tho l.onghlan, faint
kind, nil cloaely mid ne.itlptckcd togo.jwith loan of blood, and feeling hit strength
thcr, with their legs trusted ij, so m to , fast ebbing, now druw forth another pistol,
m.f-iii.v iln n. mill. .it mtuWAirtinfK. Tlm ' ii movement unobierved bv tho enemy, and
atrangeat part of thu nliairU that t'iOHpideM'apidly tired three shot at tho group of
are not dead, but remain jioiteclly soft and . Kuailaua, somo llfty yndo diatnnt, at tlm
llcxihlu
in uwry part ; and; f.l liciiig ox.
' . .. .
pon-d
to thu sun mid air, tM alined, a
feeblu movement if ovldetft m them, at
though they wero paralyxtftorattipellod in
.....v-j-. rr .. v.. ...
somo manner, so mi to uu iiirmiatmg ie-.-" "1 '" "' '"-1 ' ' '
tluu mid goodfroah moat alfU tatuu time, our whole army." Accordingly they pre
Tho iitorehoiuo la thus welUM?!ied, doubt- cipitately lied, just n tho Loaghiau tank
ledt for tho bonefit of tho clttyulia tenantry down exhausted nt thu foot of the rock,
on their nwnklug to tho kidntpdj'o of life M a distance they vcntuwl to look back.
nn.l ni.tu.ttln. I l.nv.i l..n nr.lv innrn III. '" It IlStla Vailillicd ill tllO lllUI, Clidl tllO
tcreittul by any now iuitCtl tlnu by thesu
:n -." ..i..;- . i
black wasps, ungentle and firetn'ttt though
they bo; for there is a damr, dishing en.
irgy nud brisk iiidtutry ilxU their ways
and doing! that it very (imuiing and per.
feolly original. 'Jim buc-tar little hard-
working, erscvcriiig feilo.lmt Im Is can
still nll'unl lime for tiiativ a fwmcttiih peep
into blossoms and buds tliacho deign
n i 1....1- .i.w v.. .t,.i..... .w.i
uuia .....I ....in ww .ji i
1 1.. I...... .... ....... ...i..., .r-.,..wi i i.n.nn i
lu i.iniu i.i.i. utu.. ......'.. ....v. ... ..'..
with his two paunier bailetl loaded with
I plunder in her nipper th i.c.her own tlzo,
'ninf hither nud thitlur, uii ir.wsand down
stern, ruimess " " "'S IJ"1' "'
-----. , . . -r , ,
HU worn oi ceii-ou.mmg .-,... v .ii..-,
chosen
I iiiir. Ii vou e banco to 0 nrar it.
---n- -.I. . lit.
place of abode, you mayteo bin, wirl past
I . ... . ' r. r.-v.-...i .i'.ii
ahnrp whiulng it conthtoij lo'r tome sec
otitis or u ininute, tlurio tig operation of
i t. i i ii .-.-.i.i .......
pac imgaway msioau-tTi.eu i.iimuuum..
again, straight and sw.f at nn arrow, and
l; tvlio, until now baioi row i.rooms mm
iusi-hiii.i, ii.w .i.v.... .,.......... ....
Him in comfort, but hat, length arizoil,
tiustcil mid .acked iIiTiDf nltvo liy tlio
i ,llirk avc..gor.-A mr i in Austrulh.
I . .-
; i ,
I 4l l.k 4I.J. l..llltfll.ll..
IUII 111 lll JIHIIV.."..-!
Wo find tho followig ilercsting anec
dote, illustrating tho viluojf a recent Amo
ricau invention, in u ptttli paper of tho
I8th of Felnuary; -
In Dubgcstnn, inTO!gfte?ljTimn chief,
rKIng severely wounded dtdng ono of tho
freduent rai.bii of the Hetsiatis, took ro-
fugo In a ruined taldi, lu Order to apply 1
haudaget to hit wouuda. viitlo liiua em
ployed, hu wn ditcuVun I by a parly of
twelve dismounted dragoriii, who imiuedl
ntoly gave chaso on hit tftkfiig lllght. Ho
ini! iloet of foot, for n IiU whlfo lu out
ran thorn. duihiL' which tliaj'such of them
ns had their jsariiu'B loadl flrrtl nt him
ineffectually. IIavlugrjiised ono ol tho
ilexililo bridges common fa that country,
nud which was over n japM torrent at tbo
foot of n mountain, tin) fauitlvo. finding
himself unable to procetdaiichfuithor, and
having timo to put Jila hriM in order, blood
nt bay under a projvclttr rock. With
veils of dellclit. nnd-mVi(lod Habrcs, tho
Itusblnns n)prlached Iho brldgo. Tho foro
most, Hearing him, cVlod! " Vitld, dog I"
" Mot whilst I Imvo twjdvu Ivos at my gir
dlo," cried tho undaunted, iiotiutotncer.
Tho UiiBslmrn In tli W buighed loudly
at tho boast; hut ho hi tdyanoo fell dead,
pierced through nndllhiWigh, by bullet,
nearly at tho foot of Tho ptghian. 'lno
socond Boldlur btmnblod ovyrhis doad coin,
rudo, and as io roBO rccelil'd n shot wli.oh
causod him to fall sovorcly Wounded. 1 ho
Tho ''eakll " Is" t!jcr1flB!j"5vrtr tho Knstoru
I'Micnsus. It Is conatmetoiMd nnoen hwi,
cemented irith clay Inttead ofpiorlar,
tluir licajieil up golden Jajm.' lay f;,AA
tWATrMBa"pWrr lslt?qlBlil!iJL( 1JlU
mi.l l.ii with his hclMiTli6vaiiti ineroavft
whoso ways of thrift an.) Indufiry ovi
I 1 .. I Mi ... II ...... t l..na.l IrfTttlxn '
i.vn:w.iii.-(i:l .a, ,
TtillM
-,. . .tV
VAuuut r,
IH5.
I . . .. I... ."..CI. !.(.. I
merely lOHUtlg I 'A yvuuv oi hiivi'hiii iiiwiu
hw left nrm, ready to receive n blow, ti
olliur.utiu ol tliu oriuge. wring io niv sigia
being now dim, only ono ahot took ellect,
wounding one of tlm dr.igooutou thotioul
der. ' Let iis ilv " thev rrlcd. " it It tlio
-.. ---- - -. . , , , ....
..!.:-... vi ....
suersuiiu.v .iiu9iutuu.
Tho I.crghiau chief wat tuccored by aome
of Ids own people, and ero long recovered
from his hurt, at did thu wounded Kusiiau.
At Ida bridal feavt, hoiiio four mnutht after,
tho pistols, which woro n pair of Coll'n ro
volvers, and wero a gift from nn American
traveler, t.npt. tv , to mo vouwnui nen
of t ho Caueatut. were iiatiueu rounu nniui
-- ', ,....,.. .,., t.i.
ii tn concrai iciuroicuuii i uiu iuij. mu
bride it said even to have Hisscii ii.em.aav.
t.... II s I. I ... l.v.a.M llthnirtiif tt'urA fill (MM
rj .."..
III IlltltV . J "IVMII MIV
kind treatment to his position, has had tho
cruel horsehairf removed from hit heel, and
hat often cleansed mid loaded these idunti
cal specimens of the fatal weapons, destined
to cli'eot t uch a revolution in tlio warfare of
tlio world.
Tho fctory of tho "devil's pistol" was
long told among the thnplo litis ian soldiery,
when conversing on their weary march, ns
tlm wlndinir column descended tome inter
minable mountain, or when tho grateful
Samovar (kettle) gave promise often at tho
, ' l"J'lr '0 Journey. ow, no
Iii - iil ill in rnibiel on o thu arm aiilOIIL' the
officers has in eouio degreo dissipated tho
telling rllect of tho Mory, but many still
devoutly believo that tho young I.esghlan
cJilci was no oiuur mail mo rrmeu ui u.iru
nets, out on a sporting expedition fur the
f. lufl of linrsilulr If conuiiftiily Intcrted by
the Ciroawiluui In tho heeli of their prisoners, lu
outer to create mii'Ii a degree of lameness ai to
prevent their o.qw
An Itft'ti if tliiroiic.
Mr. Danieli), Iho former editor of Iho
Hiehiiiond lixaminrr, is quite discouraged
about European travel ami society. Wo
liavo no nouiii uiai me luuowuig w m jiu
better idea of tho old wotld, than much
that I written, nud to iIidbo who cannot
uiako it convenient to travel, tho remarks
nro very consolatory. This foreign travel
is not what it is cracked tin to be, We shall
always think so. Hut if, however, we havo
n different opinion niter our visit to Kgypt
and Nineveh, .hich wo contemplate taking
as soon as tho bridge is extended over tho
Atlantic, wo will promptly inform our road
era. Hero it what Mr. Daniel writes:
" It may bo strange, but it is neverthe
less true, that 1 liavo- been i ealjy .OUiLlriilv
homo-tick fr tho mat xlirSrcTmonlliH as ever
was any litllu ghl In her first quarter at the
llOlllllillg.EOIIOOI. II you liiiuir iiuw iiiui-H
lonHaiiter n lifo of real woik and study in
tho United States it than this nonsensical
travel and idleuus, you would not bo tlis
contented. Ouo will learn by experience,
however, and tho best thing I expect to got
personally out oi mis nm-sum, i jusuma
that I will bo Bntlsficd when I got back, mid
novorngaiii bo haunted by thoso intolerable
lonuingt for Kuropo, that tormented mo in
years gono by.
J .i " . . T. 1 11.. nntt.w. nnlnl.rfllnil
Tlio pleasure ui nciuuuv uv.in uv" -
places is binnll. It is all anticipation and
memory. Tho real comforts of htnopo Us
noUomparo with thoso of tlio Unjlcd States.
Every thing coils just double what it doos
at homo. Tho nooplo nro nowhoro ns good
as ours. Tho womon are uglier, tho men
r...... S.lnnc T Inlnnil tn write a book
i; I about it nil, and I thought, when I left tho
8.1,00 VIM ANNUM, IN ADVA.IKK,
1MUUU .
UiiitcuAtntOii, that I would have to ocraluli
tlm blanket it good deal to maku out our
Eiiperiurity. Hut llitio it no need. Tho
meaunuai, tho filthy life, thu stupidities of
nil Iho r'jtin(ri"f I have toon eurpaa.1 all I
expected, and all I hoped.
Hero in Turin, which if tho moat beau
tiful I havo i ver huoii, I am busy learning
to Hpeak Trench, and Undying wlialisnoji
ul.trly but moitt falsely termed tho groat
world and ' jiolito tocioty.' I havo (lined
with dukes, jabbered bad grammar to
coutilCHfeh, and am sponged on for reats in
my opera box by counts who emell of gar
lic r.v dnen the whole country. I receivo
ltlta from other dldoniatiatt; with title. nt
long rut n flag ktau, mid IieadK ns empty as
their heailn, mid find tli'i whole concern
moro trashy than I had ever imagined, i
mint, however, keep up their acquaintance,
for that in tho way to sco tho elephant of
Kuropo.ui life, Ho I dance tho dance of
foul', liko tho beat of them, and return'thoir
viidts sodulotuly, carrying about great
cards, liko that I enclose for your iitepcc
tiou. 'llio pictures, tho operas, tho ballets of
I Europe, nre nil good tilings; the people, thu
governments, tho society, moro cpntemptb
bio than can bo conceived." Literary
Muicum. '
Living iijioii Othurs.
Job Greenfield was ono of those who
mnko it a txJiut to lire upon others to tho
extent of tliclr ingenuity, and that in Job's
caae was not by nuy means Inconsiderable.
Uo wat quite in thu habit of dropping
in to a neighbor's about tea timo ; as n
matter of course ho would bo invited to sit
down with tho family, on which ho would
exclaim :
" Well, raily. neighbor, I hndu't tho Joatt
Idea of tindi.ig you at dinner. I don't
know what my wifo will think. I told hor
I wouldn't bo gone rnoro'n ten minutes ;
however, nt you havo been no kind as to
invito me,.I don't know but I'll atay."
Among Job's tastes hu had a great liking
for cigars. Hut ho ncvir uuugut any.
Not Im t NoWty know )-4- that hny
-vhMfM.twivuJii.x;ir'xC'"?h&iUMU:tLJ
of how much they cost would linro lufjiTH-
bly destroyed nnv gratification (Imy might
afford him. When, however, ho couldj
sponge ouo out of somo ono die, no ono
smoked with greater zest.
Jut opposite Job, on tho other sido of
tho way, lived Lawyer I'cttibone. Tho
Squire liked clgr (ls well at Job, and al
ways kept them on hand. Duo morning
when Job chanced to call into tho office,
ho offered him one. This wos enough for
Job. - Heiicuforth ho mado it a practice to
call on Squiro I'eltibono onco a day; just
after dinner, when tho lawyer usually tmo
lied, and thus eecuro tho invitation to joiu
him.
Lawyers aro proverbially sharp, and it
was not long beforo Squiro IVttibouo taw
Job's drift. Resolving to foil him, ho pro
cured a fire-cracker, und snaking a slit in a
cigar, neatly inserted it, and then closed
the itpperture.
Tho next timo Job presented himself, tho
cigar was tonderod him. Tho Squiro had
previously finished i.
" These nro mighty nico cigars of your'n,"
said Job for tho torlieth time, having fairly
commenced proceedings?.
Fur. fuz whizz bang! went tho crack,
er, battering tho cigar to pieces, and liber,
nlly btrowing Its contents over Job's face:
.i What what's that ? "gasped Job in
lurror.
" Oh I "said tho Squiro, coolly, " I forgot
to tell you. It's a new kind of cigar. Thoy.
call it tho oxplosivo cigar. 1 liko It for my
part, und shunt uso any other, henceforth."
Job Greenfield's visits to Squiro Potts,
bone's ollioo suddonly terminated, llo didn't
see, for his part, how tlio bqujro coum nno
" them tarnal cigars that Hy in n fellor's fuco
so."
Tho reason why eoino ioiilo put onjJs.t?
eaueetheyJiWtiUi8thl"-1-'M,,;M,'i; ...
"riwman who pledged his word and honor hat
lout tho ticket.
fluviT NiTim.vi. Oiiiio.nv. Mrs. lS'ott
near Cincinnati, Is said to havo been petr tied by
h r hufliaud's ciirs. Cuiiuot llarnuin obtain tho
htatuo for exhibition .'
Wo hear coimtuntly'.of absconding railroad con
IrucloM. It is not a matter of mueh siirprtso,
when U Is remembered that It Is n Kgular busl
ncss with theso fellows to maAe rrar(.
NvsrtcKEr. It Is stvtd In a llostou paper
that' they have strawberries and crcura at Nan
tticliot. Wo thought thu pioplo fed un whalo oil
and scraps exclusively.
Money, like beauty, Is greatly disparaged arid
L-aKcrly sought, while poverty Is highly praised
.V .' a.iP.. Vi.i...i it i uwn ii iro which
olten happens Isitocloty that of cjdoglzlng peo
via whom wo woul.lu't ussoolato vvltb, and sneer
Ing tt others whom wo don't caro to " cut.'
Tho Society of Kuow-N'otblngs dates further
tack than the Masonic fraten. ty-se m md
Ixv.lt, "Ann wu nwiivui r ,.,,.
men out of Jerusalem; nhd thoy went In their
I simplicity, nud they Aacie net anything'
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