1 1
THE NEW NORTHVVTRST, THURSDAY DEQEMUEU 1, 1881.
- r-v
CURRENT DRIFT. . .
,J . ' '"-1., . . ,
.A' highwayman In Texaa jrot a sentence of
ninety-nine years. This sentence ia nearly as long
as one of Mr. EvarU. r. r . i
It rains alike on the just and: the unjust and
, .on tnejusi mainiy, oecause ine unjust iiave Dor
rowed their umbrtllas.
The Howgate la a poor one for defaulting officers
"" to get out at. .'They should, take, (he straight gate
' that Jeadslo addition, division and sjjence. 4
Homebody tried to" excdae a liar to Dr. Johnson,
V- saving :- 'Vou must ;no believe nwrtthan half
... wnat Tie ya." VAye' replied the Doctor: "but
which half?"-
. "The latest is that Oscar Wilde doesn't looYltle
' a poet. This will tend' to destroy the lingering
"traces of an opinion that he might posnlbly be
one. Jewell Citizen.
Mark Twain, lecturing on the Fiji Islands, of
fered to show how the cannibals ate their food if
' any lady would lend him a baby, The lecture
had to go unlllustrated. r"
Mrs. Spriggina was boasting of her new house.
- The windows, the said, were all stained. That's
too bad! But won't turpentine ox benzlde wash
It off?" asked the good Mrs. Oldbody.
L.A4Jlary says you-can't .come -to -see -her -any
rwanjnore,'.'-aald-a boy to -hi aistei's- admirer.-- Why 4
not 7" "Uecause you come to see her everjeven
Ing now, and now could you come any more 7"
An Irish lady was so much on herguard against
betraying her national accent that she Is reported
to have spoken of the "creature of Vesuvius,"
Rearing that the crater would betray her again.
T'.The sesthe'tic craze 'has struck Lead vl lie. A
f prominent clergyman of that city has written to
nqulre which is the more correct taste for a
horae-thJef being lynched to carry a lily or a
sun-flower."
',Vhat do I mean by advising your boy to
-'drink and gamble?" said Gallagher to Ragbag.'
"Hlmpiy this": I am Interested in the boy. I
' want him to be a great 'and good man. lolks
neverdo as they are advised. Boston 'Post. . T
Christmas cards grow, larger, more"artistlc and
more expensive. In a few years a young roan
who-iias only a couple of hundred dollars to spend
during the holidays will be Undecided whether to
buy his girl a Christmas card or a gold watch and
chain. Xforristown Herald. u , ... .
I,t require" no ggeat stretch of conscience to ex-
' plaht Why" we have had such a vast excess of
weather such extremes of heat and cold, wet and
.dryness this year as compared with previous
years. Forrnerly a large part of the appropriation
for the weather bureau was embezzled;' now it is
- all expended for weather.
A fond mother leaned from avlne-embdwed
window th other evening, and In tones soft as a
gentle mother's love could make them, called to
her beautiful boy : "Clarence, Clarence IMantsge-
net Jones I Wandering' little honey-tee," mother
" J hears your merry prattle In among the flowers.
Come to your tea, my honey-bird." And lust
rthen the mellow hum of the little honey-bird
twittered out of the gloamings "Dog-gone the
dog-gone luck to thunder ! I was trying to make
a big black ant fight a gray. spider in a battle an,
you hollf-rrd-nnd made inr nish w lilji frtvn
worm In my Hugtrui Dffggone it all!". And
,l, the mother, hiding her smiles behind a well-dls-
oembled frown, came Into the garden and said:
''Oh, you nasty llttlenlg, I'll flakelneliide off
you with a mop-stick, if ever I catch you In the
garden again.' 'Wash your filthy .paws, npw,
and come along to your supper If you want any."
This, children, strongly illustrates the difference
hftmt-ft- poH ry 1 hi an k vgfae- tlurliagtan:
. Hawkeye. , - " . (
" The mystic letters written on visiting cards are
- a source of bewilderment to the Congressmen
J from rural districts, who cannot decipher their
meaning. Once that stalwart Kentucklan, Benav
7. ,-or McCreeryr met a foppish young constituent
.vUio had Just returned from Paris, and said to him :
' "I received your card the other day. I recognized
your father's name, which is the same as yours,
and supposed that it was his son; but what did
the letters E. P., written In a' corner,-, mean ?"
:" Why, Mr. SenajtarVreplled the traveled man,
:'it1sTcus'lbmary Irj -Paris, to write the Initials of
- certain -words on. leaving cards. For example,
. ' had I been going away-I should have written
" P. 'P. C, the-initials of pour prendre conge to
take leave. As ft was, calling myself, I wrote. E.
P., (he Initials of enpersonne In person." ""Oh 1"
. ,,r -said McCreery, "f understand." . A week or so
afterward the two met again and the young man
said.: "Senator, I received you card, but I could
not comprehend what the letters, M. It. A. N., In
the comer, meant. . Pray Interpret them?".
' 'WIVi V.limini ft am lit ftCrar.' hla nvpi
twinkling with humor, "rt. 41. A. N. are the
Initials of 8ent by a nigger!'" Theyoung man
tried to laugh, but really couldu't see' the polut-of
the inscription.-'. Others did. '. - 'i .
1
i
Oirls. Read This Carefully. There Is so
much need for something like the following Jrom
the Woman's Journal to be said, and It Is said so
well, that we quote It with the hope that our
fensible-glrtTeaderawllHakeit to htartrMany
a girl," says the paper named, "Is careless as to
.how much money a young man spends for her.
Three and five dollars for a horse and-carrlagejie
can poorlr afford, nerhans: yet the will go with
mweek arter weeK wiin no parucuiar interest
I hi
in him. unmindful, apparently, whether he earns
the monev.or takes it from his employer's drawer.
Ilelhakes tier expensive, presentt-4fe takes heri IlULy?oo!fi
to a concert, In going to wnicn. usuany, save ior
her pride and his gallantry, a horse-car ride for
ten cents would be far wiser than a carriage ride
for several dollars. A young man resiiects a
young womau all the more who is careful of the
.way In which he spends his .money and wlll not
permit too much to be used for herself. A
thoughtful and well-bred girl will be wise about
these matters." And we might add, as a hint for
young men contemplating matrimony, that a
-awectheart who wW-rermtt-her young man to
spend his money foolishly before marriage would
be very ant to make his money fly after marriage
on her own accqunt, 6'an Jose Mercury.
Four Insane fntn disputed the Inauguration of
air. uarneld, claiming, lije distinction ior mem
stead of Mr. 11a vpa. Deneral CJrant had seven
rivals at his first and a dozen at his second Inaugu
tlon, and there were four mad aspirants for the
- METRICAL MELANGE.
THE COUNTRY TEACH E It .
. Thr nmi irt from private letter written by Jtmr
A. Uarfleld to a frtefid while a jroung man : . "'' " --
Of all the trades by men purtued.
There's none Ibai'a more perplexing
Than U the country pedagogue'
It'a every way moat vexing.
Cooped In a IllUe narrow cell.'
Aa hot aa black Tartarus,
Aa weir In Pandemonium dwell,"
Aa In thla llUle-arbopl-hoiiie. .
i..-
.ft'-
rt II IHTOUY OF LITTLE JOH T. ' 1 ' -Little
Johnny went to view '
the elrru aud the flip-flap ttlppera;
Johnny tried the flip-flap, too;
, Now he wean the golden alippera,
While they turned these things at Witt,. " .
- In the air or any wberea,
Johnny turned one higher still '
-tI Turned clean np the golden stairs.
'. : --KvantvUls Argus. -
WHAT! '
How swiftly her needle Is olng t( - " '
ler curls rail neglectfully over -
Her bended seek. What Is ahe sewing r
Home dainty keepsake for her lover T
A shroud f Or a dress for a wedding,
Not far la the long-dreamed-of .distance T '
Or frock for a being now treading -J
The unexplored shores of exlutencet
! A'ne Vork Sun.
COLLAPRED. '
Ko friend, no fun; no life, no love;
Xo girl to bug by eannel ember;
No coin In purse; no hope In heart
I know no month clrear aa November.
Ab, mocking moon and stolid stars;
. Abraneerlng sua, In dome releatlal;
Ah, think ye that I ken or heed"
The dublousneae of things, terrestrial T
I've had my fill from sorrow's spoon ;
I've drained the cup, at cistern broken ;
I've trusted all that asked for it .
And bankrupt am by this Sams' token.
ouk kLevatoii boy.
Who calmly eyes ns o'er and o'er,
And gets us out on the wrong floor.
While o'er some novel he does pore
Our elevator- boy.
'Who M Empty Cradle" sweet does sing,
And jfraxtlclhaJ!liIlgUUn4rllg,t r
And never cornea when we do ring
Our elevator boy.
Who's cooler far than Ice or snow,
Whoae language run's In constant flow,
Who knows where we don't want to go
Our elevator boy.
What we do pray for night and day
Is that aontethlnjr may give Way,
An J ttvud LI hi Willi llie aufcMl IU liaj-
Our elevator boy;
THE BUOOKJUYfN MAlD.
I'm an enly daughter young girl,
..i-A spU-curlJand rlssea young girl, -,
A langulahrng, dainty, all powdery and painty,
Hit up at 11 young girl. .
TnTa would-beslnlcoirng'grrli : " "
A dote on the arts young girl,
A poet In embryo, don't' know a.thlng, you'know,
All on the surface young girl. ' .
I'm a novel-reading young glrlT-
A He awake till S young girl, - j
A romantic, half-crasyrbut terribly laty,
Let ma do the work young girl. -
I'm a look out for a catch young girl,
-A snatch 'em up quick young girl,
A half do the proposing, aud bag 'era when doting.
Hold on to your game young girl.
. - lirooktiih Eagle.
B. HAMMAN & CO.,
v. 1 - -
Have Just received a Complete Assortment of
M ISCELLAN EOH'8 A P V K IIT1HK MKNTH.
The
Northwestern
Marriage
Insurance- Go.
Or PORTLAND, OREGON.
INCOHPOHATKi6 -UNDER-THE -LAWS -OF OHEGON.
Chaiter P.erpetual---Capitalf SI OO90OO.OO
CHARLF.8 HFXIF.LK, President.
JAMF BTEEU Treasurer. .
OFFICERS:
J HENRY ACKERMAN, Vice-President
:JLT$. : 0R088, Hecretary and Managerr-.t -
DIRECTOR 8 1
. J..W. WHALTKY, of the law flfm of Whalley, Fechhelmer & Ach.
HENRY ACKERMAN, of H. Ackerman A. Ok Wholesale Crockery,
JAM EH HTEKh, Cashier FlrstrNatlonal Rank. - ...
' H.7 J U LI ITH M EYK1V ofFleckensteln iAley erVholesalir Ltquors.
' CHARLE8 HEUELE, of Alisky A Hegele, Whotesale Confectioners.
etc
IMPORTANT CHANGE !
No r1 or e Ao g e oom e n to !
?TTKATTnMnC7T T7TKTW.T)WT5rOiOT OV F.ACII tl.aee OF INSUJjANCH
X will be charged on all policies Issued by this Company on and after Itecember 1st, 1HX1 : .
Males under 10 years of age
Females under 10. years oE age.
it
from 10 to 11
II " 12....
12 " 13.....
13 14...
14 "-47r.J..
17 upward.
i
ii .
i -'
it
$1 (10
. 1 2A
1 75
2 75
3 25
3 50
it
II
II '
it
ii
ir jo ii 14
II
.. ...............tat..
1..
II
II
14
18
20
.21 upward,
ii
20
ii i
i... ......... to...
..... .
.$ 75
1 00
1 50
1 75
2 6t
S 25
S 50
r
A. 8. CROSS, Secretary,
mm aa. I'siIon Block (esilrasie on Mark atreet), Horflnsia. Uresjrosi.
- FALL SEASON, 1881.
We have Jait Beeeiyed the '
LARGEST, BEST AND CHEAPEST STOCK
I V MlOf )
Millinery,
Fancy and
EVER BROUGHT TO THE PACIFIC CQ A9T
Furnishing Goods!
Special Inducements otTered to Established Milliners and all who design
Starting Business. j
Our long experience wiUiheJradeenable us to supply Retail Dealers with exactly what Is needed
.; : . t. ." by their customers." No trouble to sfibw goods.
IPXa33Zt303QCKJ3DXl.v
Import ores nntl Wliolmlo lJoiiloras, r
front atail ft rat Mtreeta. kelweesi Ask asiel Tlsie. rrtUa1. Oresrsau
ESTABLISHED I867.v
SHirJDLER & CH ADBOURNE,
r.1anufacturersof Furniture
...11BA1.RHM m
OarpetopFurn itureH1 ' rrorOf-Bed;
ding. etc. r
BCIIOOl 1)FIK8 A Hl'KCIALTY. " 1
fa0rHonl lor Ciitnlogtio inul lvrlo-Hlat.
Ware-rooms eiteml throiish VO fet, from Klmt to Front street, betw
Morriaoir and Yamhill, imrtiana, iiniffon.
ZEPHYR WORSTEDS.
Larger Stock and Better Asaort-
r In Portland.
Shetland Wools and Flosses,
ZIzlCermaii.Yarns,:
Cermantown Yarns.
Filling Floss.
'1
Embroidery Silk,
PLAIN .AND SHADED COLOR
Macram) Material, (
Honltan and Point-Lao Matarlal,
Applique Work.
Cardboard (all kinds)..
-Stamping Pattorna. -
!, :;. . Falta.
Canvasses,
..Affix....,
EMBROIDERY CHENILLES.
The Largest and Best Assortment
on the Coast,
xeasd.eirarfimdrtmfea R O IT All E &TAU 17 A UTP
o,t f fr 1f-vi n.n.nl (Innt liaffMVen T J ' " "TILLED. 1 V" f ...
II A R T M A N -Sc CO
I. O. Bx , rortlnad, Orea;eau
JOHN A. 11 K C K
WATCHMAKER AND JEWELER.
Front street (opposite the Ramond), Portland, Or.
... " .', A WiieAiMirtmertt of
CLOCKS, WATCHES, JEWELRY AND SPECTACLES
AT IjOW I'H-ICKH.
.f . Jtrpndring a Hirttlty r-Alt Work Warranlnt.
rurrhiutlnK AMERICAN WATCH KH Direct and forCnan,
and bavins: the Mdvantaire of tw Kett, I ran safely prom
lae ltwer lYU'ea than any other house In Orraron.
IWIna; com petent, I will repair Common or Hue Watebea
satisfartorily. u
Hl'tCTACLK and OITICALOOODH a HpeelaJty.
Flaln Mllver Wat-hea...i..
Walthaih Hil ver Watches.
Jul Sin
rtiAiw to Mn.(K
,.14.(W to i.r.00
of all allsraam. Is the raoaw of much needlees auftfiina:
and thousand of premature deaths annually. DK. KKCK
has made thla Ulsctme a life study, bavins been a great smV
ferer hlniM'lf until cured by
wxi Homo dy.
Which be has for thirteen years In hla practice- the three
last In IVirlland, Or. put to the aevereat testa with the moat
antltifactory reeulla, lie tiaaalso treated several phyatclana.
With this accumulative evidence, we are warranted In aar
Inathal no other preparation fir the rure of thla dlaeaas) la .
any of Its forma will jtlve such universal satisfaction mm
Ore Keek's Sure Cure for Catarrh,
f Which you can et of your Dni grist at borne, or of ITTC
Kr.t'K or inianl,or., ai f l per iiue, or si noiiiea ror biw
The Ihictor makes a specially of the treatment and cure
of chronle dlaeaaea, especially
Cancer and DUeasci Peculiar to Women. ;
You n men, mlddle-asred or nld jnen who are, aufPrrlng
from the errors and Indlscrettons'oT youth, nervous weak-
OOHlIETT8 .j
LIVERY. HACK AN 0FE I D STABLES
- Cwrsier Meewsiel mm Taylor atreelav
Reasonable Cnarg-ea for Hire and Board Inf. Hack orders
promptly attended, Day or Nlrht.
WOODWARD m MAOOOX. rnpHetors.
OIL PAINTINGS, EN6RAYINQS AND CHROMOSI
J . -.roa avata y . -
" "V ICTOIt VOLNE Y, zl:
Bletir Vrasm Maker.
Frames Made to Order.N Old Frames Re-flllt Black WaJ.
-nut Com position OinameiiU rt'imrdr
aw Orders by mall Immedlatelytlended to.
t
Coraer Tklrsl mm4 Msre-lssi Ntreeta. rtlaa4. Or.
Jaiaiy .
USE ROSE PZLLS.I r-
North west corner Front and Alder streets, , .
Is the Only Place ta Portland where yon eaa get
A OOOD aaiAII MEA.L FOk M CKITs.
1
C ATARUIIv
yT. MOMT PREVALENT BUT. I..KAMT UNPERHTOOO
ness. early decay, loss of manhood, etc.,ahould consult Dlt.
Kverythln atrletlyeonrMlentlal. All proper ejnee-
KKCK
hint strict ty eon nilenllal. AH proper q
'tlinmali the malls promptly. Knclia
p.and atldresa Dll. JAM KKCK,
three-rent stain n.
no. . rirsimreet, ttmiana,uregon.
Tb4edeirapime.rwHh DIL KECKH HtTRE CURK FOR
tf ATAKKIt direct from the lalsiratoryof ir. Ke i,or from
Hodge, Davis A Co, Portland, Oregon, wboleaale agents.
- r Ul ty i
Free-to-Everybody !
z A Beautiful Book for the Asking!
TT APPI.TTNOTEROXALLr"AT THE TfEARFflT
19 office of TIIK HINOKK M AN UFACTUIUNt, CO. (or by
Mtal card; If at a distance, any adult person will bw pre
sentee! wltt a beautifully Illustrated eopy of a New Ilook,
entitled ,
GENIU0 REWAJUIH.
..on...
The Story jof tbe Sewing Machine.
Containing a handsome and costly ateel engraving frontlet
piece; also, 28 finely enrraved wood cute, and bound In aa)
elaborate blue and gold lithographed oOver. No charge
Whatever la maoe ror inia namimime rxMiK, which can-he
AtiUlnod llf wimcaton.-lT,erneaweo an subeed.
nate oftlces of TheHinger Mannfncturlnr Co.
THE SINGER MANUFACTURING CO., '
Principal Office, M Union .rtquare. New York.
USE ROSE PILLS.
hand of his daughter on the occasion of ner niar
rlage in Washington. i .
. . . - I ' r , - 0i
i.