The new Northwest. (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, June 23, 1881, Image 7

Historic Oregon Newspapers

The new Northwest., June 23, 1881, Page 7, Image 7

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Newspaper Page Text. 1 THE NEW NORTHWEST, .THURSDAY; UIE 23, 1881. : 9f A' BUANT AMATEUR. MlHCELLANEOytf ADVERT18EMEN 1- I think." Mid well-known orchestral leader of an Eastern city, "th best Joke ever played In this town waa on an ambitious amateur pianist hn Oottsehalk wa here. The amateur father waa the owner of a large ball, and he offered the use of It to Gbttscbalk for bU benefit, ..There was! to be a pleoe for eight planosvand the amateur was to play one of the Instrumental I was the leader. I thought Oottsehalk would have a fit ' when I told him that the amateur couldn't play three straight notes. - ' 1 . 7 ' . He Is sure to throw us all out,' said JT, 'and ' ruin the performance.' ' ' , ' "Gottschalk-awore like a major, hut 'twas no " eood. The hills were out, and he couldn't go back on bis programme, even if the gift of the hall for ' the nigW was no consideration to him. - - "At last I hit on an Idea that fixed the Whole business. The amateur came down to rehearsal, and we praised blm up until hevthought be was to be the star of the night. As soon as he left, we took the hammers out of hi piano .and made It dumb as an oyster. I guessed he would never " know the difference, with seven pianos golug at Once." - - :.;;--(;;---:' ..-r-, "-- - .' -. The tuneful convention laughed. . " "And just as I thought," said the leader,.ham . roering on the table with his flat, "that amateur jar bis friends never discovered the trick," ' "No?" . 4'2fo, sir ! . He Just sailed In and pounded on the Ilanoas.lf It was the worst enemy he over had. le was bound to show-off among so many good ?lanlsts, and hammered on his key-board until he perspiration nearly blinded him.- Now and then I looked at bm approvingly to give him ' fresh courage, and every time that I did he gave the piano a liek that nearly made matchwood of i it. Ills friends all around Jthrew bouquets to him till be 'looked .like a wedding arch, and when It was all over his fond parent fell on his neck; In ; the green-room and slipped a check for 2M In his hand. The old man didn't know whether be waa tanding-on -bla-htad or" his 'heels, hewas " so tickled, and said to me - 'Didn't be do It fine, and among so many first class professionals, too V 4I never heard an amateur do so well Iri pub- ttcatd-Irandhats--more7lnJCnt"ltr Dont1 you think I was right V i Aw Engraver and Printer wjid l'a Neither Hands nor FEKT.The most remark able newspaper man In the lUlted States rives at Anirels Camp, in Calaveras1 county. California. Ills name is 8. 8. Waterman. He is 24 years old and hss been paralyzed ever since he was born. He was born In Angels, and has never been awsy from the town but once, when he-went in search : of medical aid, but failed to-find any. His par alysis Is of the upper and lower limb,, which he cannot move. His speech Is also affected, and it is only with difficulty that he can talk at all. -'Early In life he manifested a liking for movable Aype, which he placed In position with his teeth. He soon began to cut tye out of woodholding ., the engraving tools between his teeth when be ' used them, lie has mndo a-good deal' of block type in this way, with which he at present" oonr .ducts a small Job printing business. He also sets r-metal type with his-teeth. Waterman was one , at the founders of the Mountain Ao, a weekly paper now being published In Angels. He set a good "deal of ype on this paper with bis teeth, and, bating a good education, manufactured his editorials and other articles as he went along. -He Is now out of the newspaper business and con- fines himself entirely to Job printing and engrav ing. , He does all the programme and invitation work for the town, frequently engraving special designs for his Jobs. His presswork, of course, be -cannot do with hit teeth, and a boy Is employed to do that part of the work for blm the only part that be cannot do himself. . - GcNiva to Glory. Tennyson can take a .. worthless sheet of paper and by writing a poem on It make it worth $5000. That's irenlus. Yanderbllt can-write fewer words noon . - similar sheet and make It worth $50,000,000. That's capital. The United States Government can take 83 cents In silver and stamp on It an eagle and One . Dollar. That's money. , " , - The mechanic can Cake material worth $25 and . make it into a watch worth $100. That's skill. - The - merchant' can-take an article worth 25 . cents and sell it to you for $1. Thatf s buslnessrr A lady can purchase a comfortable bonnet for $10, but prefers to pay $100 for one because its . more stylish. That's foolishness. - The ditch digger works, ten hours day. and shovels out three or four tons of dirt for $1. That's labor. The country editor works sixteen hours a day, and Is everybody's slave for $250 a year. That's glory. .- ' t ... ' - "Never put off for the morrow what you can do . to-dsy," was fully illustrated yesterday evening . . to the eyes of our reporter, who witnessed a saw ing match between a young Swede and his bride - of three months. H.appeara ihat a jplle, whksh bad no regard for its future, had drifted upon the banks of an upper town claim. The Impecunious spouse, who Is party of the first part In this nar rative, witnessed this stranding, and, calling his . willing partner, hastened to take advantage of the wreck, which would voluntarily reduce the . ' grand tota!of his Winter's wood bill. The cross cut saw was brought Into immediate use, the hus . band, like all mankind, taking the highest jposl- .. tlon the beach afforded, while the beautiful bride came down on ber patella to attend to her end of - the business. Attorian, June 15A. . .jThe Continental Gazette (Paris) of April 16th . publishes the following startling piece of news: "A roan of bad character ; named Dick Osborne fatally stabbed Alouio Bobb In a dance-bouse at - Walla Walla, San Francisco, and was arrested. ; The next night a party of masked men broke -., Into the jail, took him to the nearest blgh fence, , and hanged him." . , - v -"It Is Maid the male wasp does not sting. But : , m i male and female wapea-tUoaatfclB4ot polonaise, and look as much aliRe as twins, the only way to distlngulstf their sex Is to catch one. If It stings you, it la a female; if not, it Is a tleman wasp. Tbe demand for planks two Inches thick Is now lor strawberry boxeIfiUadctpAia JVVirs. 1 THE MIRTHFUL, MUSE, alljciatoriAl reverie; n ''Oh ! h m alos to' eat, Hlgbcd ttas stUaalor; HhCL tMtd very sweet. And I mtrld-l-Ur. A TEXAS EPJTAPlL 1 Hli nmmt waa Bill -MeGes; ' , r - And bs balled from Tennessee J. - lis at In the warn, , And waa eoverad with scara, .. . ,,"T fiut be died of the dlaree. . THeTiETR ACTION. The editor la altting . In hla chamber 'ne'ath the roof,, l.And of an article on tariff ' ' IIS la wearing- out tbe woof. On tbe table do his brightly ' Burnlahed boot-heels gently mt. While an larat watchchaln : Hanga arraaa hla ample veat. An aged man, and pallid, ' Hlowly ellraba tne Iron atalra, ' And at every labored footatep Hoftly to hlmaelf he awrara. . In hja pocket U a "atatement" - r Brightly gteama hla aiure eye ;.. V-Ile "will get a full retraction, Or know the reaaon why. 7 The edltora atlll working At hla article so learned ; Ko footfalla break the silence The lights are downward turned. ' The office bl!-doga playing With some fragments of Hprlng panU Tbe bd man with the statement Waaa't given half m chance. . HOPE AND LIFE. . Wbat la bopctA amlllng rainbow Children follow through the wet; Tla not here atlll yonder, yonder Never urchin found It yet. What la life? On a aca A thawing loeboard llh sunny ahore Oay we sail. It melts beneath as ( : We are aupk mnd aeen o more - -Written, U i koptd. h Curl Schuru ' ,K PICNIC PIECE. Oh I the tiny little ants I - . -How tbey clamber up our pants At the picnic 'neath the willows In the glen I How they seem to' take delight In ,; The obnoxious aport of lltlnf ; Indcfenalble and modeat gentlemen t ' . THE BACHELOR. Upon a rolling piece of ground -The baeb'a eablni atanda The bach, a gentleman profound, - Cooks with onwaahed handa, : -And the muaclee of hla brawny arms Kneada hla dough In dirty pans. . .- Hit hair Is thlckrunkentpt and" long," And Its many threads of gray - Speak la language pretty alrong That he has passed the day - ' la which a wife he might have got, Who his troubles could allay. Alas I for that. His now too late -. But, though' Its tries quits hard, He only galas the women's hate,- Who' say he's not the card . ' -Toe thamj and Hwlxt w you mji Jla plain to read bis fate. Week In, week out, Ua the same old thing; No change In the bill of fare , Strong bacon, beans, and toughest bread . And this bs needs must ahare With a large and hungry apanlel cur(. Tbe cart nrr of hla oars. ' ' This, perhaps, la quite enough; But every word Is true; Btlll, It does seem a Utile rough, But It's just the way they do ; And there are quite a few like this one I add one to this few. ' - : "(K-A m Set irrce Jfew.- v AN IDYL. In yonder hall, where gleam the lights, A maiden waltses to and fro; . If or dream ber fond, devoted knlf bts ..Of the bunion on her toe. Tbey hearken la her low replica, Hweet as the music, soft and low. " Those knights they see her lovely eyes, But not tbe boo Ion on her toe. s Like flashing sparks of living flame The gems upon her bosom glow; -Those hopeleaa nights are full of pain So Is tbe bunion on ber toe.' Careless she smiles; ber perfect charms, A1m for me are not, I know; . Home other will win those tender anna, And the bunion on ber toe. O cruel Fatal la tbe cup of Life . Home bitter drops are sure to flow Think of a tender, loving wife With a bunion on ber toe I . HER BIRTHDAY. Bhe bluabed as she stood at my aide, Most 'modest and sweetest of mlaaea, .'And said, twist a smile and a sigh, ,-Uo jrou really forget what day this 1st It wasn't the Fourth of July; . , Nor the twenty-flAn day of December,. If or the first of April, and so I vowed tljat I couldn't remember. Why, this Is my birthday, sir," t ' Bhe pouted. And, like XTIyasea, I sprang to my duty at once, ' Nor counted the number of kisses. ' " . Tls more tbaa enough," she cried, With merriest prohibition. " Dear girl," I at ones replied, ' ' We'll prove It by Long Division. : But If," 1 "ra" freslo"say, IIjmI mora than one birthday a year, TherVd soon bs a Cornct,ln ktaaea. . J 0 ONE PB ICE TO ALL! Introductory. JOUR DRY GOO OS DEPARTMENT! - r' A - 1 84 No. 184 Fi rot Streets 184 The necessity has long been felt of a Dry Goods House which baa for Its standard -i SQUARE DEAULITO AND P1XICE3 TO SUIT THE TZZXES. With fiie view of satisfying this daily Increasing want of our patrons, and deeming It Incumbent upoii us to show our appreciation of the generous support vouchsafed jus, we concluded to make thbt line biiebt bur sjiieclalties, and instructed our California and Eastern buyers to make a careful selec tion of the goods desired, which we bare Just received and offer to the public, comprising a full line of IMPORTED AND DOZXESTIO DRY QOOPfl. - - -Our-clerkaare lust rue tinlnderpenaTtyof dismissal, to make no misrepresentation of goods. WE BETEE TO THE FOLLOWING PEICE -U8T : MISCELLANEOU8. Cashmere, double width, from.... 30c to $1 (M) " single width, per yard,,.. 15 to 25c Silk Litres, plain and brocaded, per yd.i.....J2.!io Worsteil ltrocades, double width.,.. :.mSl) to 5kj t'suiel's llalr, all wool, er yd...... ...... -.20 to 3to IMalds, per yanl, from 18 to 40c " Hllk and Tinsel, iryd....M .......'......4.c Momle Cloth, double width, worsted... 30o . . " . tingle width m 15 to 25c. Orenadlnes, all shades....... ......7.. -15c Worstett Dress Goods, per yd............ ...... .....-12jc Ilepps. from. 15 to 10c MllOWfla)Cfl.eeaes sessee esse teeeeeseseelO wO lHO Isabella Hultlng, per yd.. He Fine Black Ha tin, per yd 60c IMack Milk nfnfliHM eeaa seeeee ti esosaeae 900 Velvet ... H eeee jjttmiiitn iejsa aassssasts Tamlse.CIoih...:w ,...M..25 to 50o Empress Cloth, all wool all shades... , 40c Debege, all wool, double width 80o Best l'rlnts, 18 yds for.. .: ..$1 00 DOMESTICS.. ' Fancy Lawnsfancy colors, per yard......... ...... 10c White HqueT. e weseoo seoees eessese Grass CIoth....M...... .cr........ lOo Fine Dress Linens 15 and 20o Table IJnen, plain and checked w.85 to 40o Flue Nottingham Curtain Lace....... ...........M75o Florida Flannels.... rs - see , ! 150 Extra Width All-wooLJ- lannel eeeeeeeo aeeeeeaoe Chevlot...r... , 10 to 150 Heavy Cottouadea.,.. s eioeeeeeeese hi ..20 to 80o SO-Inch Gingham 12io Lonsdale Muslin, 10 yards for... ........... tl 00 Crash, per yard seas s Sa eaees ssmssis ee.se as - SO Canton Flannel, extra heavy ........ ...Mo , . EMBROIDERIES From 6 cents per yard upward. riMIE MOHT PREVALENT BUT LEAHT UNDERSTOOD -M.ot -ail dlaeasea, is the e suae of much needless aurTerine: aud thouaanda of premature deaths annually. DR. KECK baa made thla disease a life study, having been a great anf fererblniaelf until cured by TT1o Whlh he baa for thirteen years In his practloo- the three iaai in iwriana, ur. pui to ine severest tests witn tne most aariafactory results, lie has also treated several phyalrtana. w mi tnia arrumuiaiive eviaenee. we are warranted in as; Ing that no other preparation for the cure of thla dlaeaa mnj of iu torrrrr will gtva iTJtlr untveraat satliractloii' as rtana. I A I aaeJoJiLUj Dr. Keek's Oure Cure for Catarrh, Whlrh you can geTof, your Druggist at home, or of DR. KKCK of IVrtland,Or., at II per buttle, or six bottles for V The Doctor makes a specially of the treatmant and ears of chronic diseases, especially , Cancer and DUeaaei Peculiar to Women. Young men, mlddleHMced xr old-men who are suffering from tbe errors and Indlaeretlons of youth, nervous weak nrt early defy, loss of man hood, etc., should consult DK. KECK. Everything strictly eonfldentlal. All properquee tlons answered through the malls promptly. Enclose a three-cent stain p. and address DR. JAM EH KKCK, t .. No. 13S First Street, Portland, Oregon,. The trade supplied with DR. KECK8 RURK CURB POR CATARRH direct from the lAlmratory of Dr. Keck, or from Hodge, Davla A Co., lortland, Oregon, wholesale agenta. ' Jal ly .' . JOHN A. BECK, ' WATCHMAKER AMD .JBWBLCR. . Front street (opposite the Esmond), Portland, Or. A Pine Assortment of , . CLOCKS, WATCHES, JEWELRY AND SPECTACLES - ; : AT LOW PRICES. ' ' Brpuiring m Bpeciiilty AU Wvrk Warranted. Purchasing AMERICAN WATCIIEfl Direct and for Cash, and having the advantage of Iw Rent, I can safely prom Ise Lower Price than any other house la Oregon. . BHog competent, 1 will repair Common or Pins Watches aatlafartoiily. ,, . Hl'tXTACLE and OITIC AL QO0D8 a Specialty. , : Klgin MlverWatohea mtvnwtn niitcr vr MC'ljr..,. ...... Jal Ha .IllUtotmsb ..IllUOtO I-jO.00 HT72X A27 H A.XR GOODS t Direct from French Importer i, C)NWHTIXO OP THE LATEST NOVELTIES OP THE Season. , A full line of Switches In Choice Colors. .Isvlalbls Hair lets for Front Coiffure In all shades. t r A perfect fit fuaran- V nntlemena Wigs matle to order. teed.-rtrar If air a annclalt v. - j. . nL'TTERICK-H CELEBRATED PATTERNS by every steamer. Also, s full a lock of Mm. Demorest's Pauerna. Send sum p for Illustrated Catalogue, patterns sent by mall lWMl.n.((t " MRS. c. "ml' WAII. iiaygBswaj!nsmar1rsyiw-ea UOE nODE PZZ.L0. All AGRICULTURAL MOnTHLY. ftareted lIpr4 M' THE FAXtZUEIIl D-'IL STE ARNsT Editor. MSBTHWIITIBX Ea CASET, Business Manager. SIDE PROM THE BUSINESS OP PUBLISHING TTfK . im owns ana manages n rarm in IfilK eoanty, Oregon. Both are eapertenced publishers, and are thoroughly up to the times In the special pursuits they undertake to advance In publishing a strictly business journal for the farmer and dairyman. No religious, political or general news features. Terms, 7ft cents per annum. Subscriptions solicited. Let ra BaekMuaaT Export 1 Remit by money order.or three-oent stamps in registered letter, at our risk. . STEARNS A CASEY, Publishers, ' . - P. a Bos U&, PorUand, Oregon, ar Send for Sample Copy. - i- O. IIXZZXETZIZt, Merchant Tailor. No. US First Strwet, itANTT.T . jlte Assortment of TTEEPS CONSTANTLY ON HAND A FINE AND COM SCOTCH, ERCUSH, FRENCH A DOMESTIC GOODS J Which are unaurpaased, and which will bs MADE CP AT rT PstlCES. OIL PAIrtTlrSSSi HaCaAVIraCS AND.CHROUOS ! wi.MM.roa SALa t VICTOR V O Z. 27 Yf;, ' l r;r;.. :llete Fraaae Maker. ' . - Frames Made to" Order.' Old Frames ReOllt. Black Wal nut Com poal tlon OrnamenU Preasod, . - av Orders by mall Immediately attended to. : - OeeaMf Tklrd sd rrlsoai Etreets, FortlnaMl, Ofi JaUly , JTOsCHOOC PlLXOa- TIIE AMEBICAS ItMm Dyalng and Claanlng Works DTE -AMD CLEAN ALL-KIN P OF BILKrWUULEIT and mixed goods. sftr the best and newest German TrT7nTPrww. mshketa and Furs cleaned aloelr. virauu .lug ufw.wivuiin priaiiy. O. (X)NRAI) A rft. We. 10 BaJmoa street, PorUand, Oregon.