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About Oregon City enterprise. (Oregon City, Or.) 1866-1868 | View Entire Issue (April 27, 1867)
o RETAKE OF PRECEDING PAGE 0 o O o 0 d. G Ydl; 1. OREGON CITY, OREGON, SATURDAY, APRIXj 27, 1867. No. 27. 0 Oregon City IjIS'T'PRPRIS'E-0 0 o o o o O O O O O 5- O l)c iDcckln (Enterprise PUBLISHED EVERT SATCRDAT MORXIXO By D. O. IRELAND, OFFICE: South east corner of Fifth and Mvix streets, in the building lately known as the Court House, Oregon City, Oregon. Terms of Subscription. bne copy, one year in advance $3 00 "0 44 il delayed 4 00 Terms cf Advertising. o Transient advertisements, one square (12 lines or less) first insertion ...$'2 50 O For each subsequent insertion 100 Business Curds one square per annum O payable- quarterly 12 00 One column per annum 100 00 One half column " 50 00 On- quarter " " ....GO 00 0 Local advertising at the established rates. 1, A. L i..linnm,i. """a ... !t ,- nr Holds its regular - - j 1 1 f communications on the first am. tlurd urdavs of each month, at half past six .p- M- Brethren in good standing are invited to sittend. Br order of W. M. Oregon City, Nov. Gtb, 1SGG. 3:ly '':'-''?'f' Oregon Ledge Xo. 3, I. O. '8&dr of O. P. Meets every Wednes-'-;,;vn evening at 7 o'clock, in the Masonic Hall. Members of the order are in ited to attend. By order N. G. 3:iy "WillamcUc rjtlgc So. 151. O. G. T. Meets every Saturday evening, at the rooms .Scl. corner of Main and Fifth streets, at 7 1-2 o'clock. Visiting members are invited to attend. 1 7J By order of V,r. C. T. w . c. jouxso.w r. o. :,i cowx. Notary Public. JOHNSON & McCGWIS, OREGON CITY', OREGON. ;C-v? Will attend all business entrusted t,i our care in any of the Courts of the .State, lleet money, negotiate loans, sell real cs tte. etc.O ""Particular attention given to contested 1 :md cases. l.vl o D. BI. McKENNEY, Attorney and Counsellor at Laic. w VfUAj ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL business etitrusted to his care Office One door north of Hell .t Parker's Drug store, Oregon City, Oregon. 3:ly S II U S Li A T , ATTORNEY AT LAW, Q Oregon City, Oregon. Ollice over Charman & Brother. $:ff o3r7F7rcIayrMrRrc. L.v o (Formerly Surgeon to the Hon. II. B. Co.) OFFICE: At JRevhhnce, Qlain .Street (.".2) Oregon City. Dr. H. Salf jirrariS, PHYSICIAN' and SURGEON. O c3 . OFFICE In J. Fleming's Book Store. Main fit red, Oregon City. (5 J. WELCH, tj:.tist. u .l-v1i.-. Permanently Located at Oregon City-, Oregon. R?oms over Charman k Bro.'s store. Main street. (12.1y qTT ONLY NECESSARY TO LET THE X public be informed that T.L. HACK. Artist. Has removed to the Photographic Rooms on 3hiin street, lately occupied by Morrison C. Athey, whera)he is prepared to execute bet ter work lh m ever. (For Children's Pictures the best hours are between 9 and 12 o'clock a. m. 23. ly JAMES EL TilOOBE, Justice of the Peace City Recorder. O Office In the Court House nud City Council Room, Oregon City. Wilt attend to the acknowledgment of deeds, and all other duties appertaining to .the oilice of Justice of the Peace. 2:ly J elm Fleming, DEALER in BOOKS and STATIONERY. O Thankful for the patronage heretofore re .ceived, respectfully solicits a continuance of the favors of a generous public. llis store is between Jacobs' md Acker- man's bricks, on the west side of Main street. Oregon City, October 27th, 'Go. (tf William Broughton, CONTRACTOR and BUILDER, q Main street, Oregon City. Will attend to ail work in his line, con sisting in part of Carpenter and Joiner work training, building, etc. Jobbing promptly (9 -r ID SMITH W. H. MARSHALL. SMITH h IiT Ail SHALL, Black-Smiths and Boiler Makers. Corner of Mai-jhand Third streets, Oregon City . . Oregon. Ulacltsmithin'r in all its branches. Boiler smal;mg and reinuriug. All work warranted 4o give satisfaction.3 (52 Jornsr sci-iR-i Manufacturer and Dealer in SADDLES, HARNESS, etc., 0c, Main street, between Third and Fourth, Oregon City. rpJlE at tentujn of parties desiring anything X in ciy line, is directed to mystock, be lore making purchases elsewhere. JJy) JOHN SCHRAM. , A. LEYY, Mam Street, at the Telegraph Office, Oregon City Oregon. Dealer in Eester's Ready-made Clothing, Cigars, Tobacco. Pipes, Stationery, Cutlery, Willow and Wooden R -are, Yankee Notions, iam:y and staple Groceries, Candies, Nuts, Toys, etc. " (62 CLIFF HOUSE. Main Street, Nearly Opposite Woolen Factory. T. W. RHOADES, Proprietors. Oregon City. Orep-nn. We invite the citizens of Oregon City, and the traveling public, to eive us a share of their patronage. Meals can be had at all hours, to please the rrost fastidious. f 15 BARLOW HOUSE, Main Street, one door north of the Woolen Factory, Oregon City Oregon. "Vm. Barlow, Proprietor. The proprietor, thankful for the continued patronage he has received, would inform the public that he will continue his efforts to pleast his guests. (52 Professor A. J. Rutjes, fJILL be glad to receive a cumber ol Pupils at his MUSIC ROOM AT THE CLIFF HOUSE, OREGON CITY. He will also continue to give instructions at private residences. No charge for the use of the piano. My pupils will please give me notice when ready to commence. 27:y OREGON CITY Jpjiper Masmf Co. Alannjacture, and have constantly on hand, a very Superior Article of Straw Wrapping Paper. i.rt?'" Orders will receive prompt attention. 22.1yJ J. D. MILLER, Secretary. Imperial Mills, ORECOX C1TI". KEEP CONSTANTLY ON HAND FOR SALE : PR A N A ND CHICKEN' FEED ! 37" Parties wanting feed must furnish their sacks. LS.Sm OREGON CITY BEE WEE, Y ! HEN 11 Y II UMBEL, Having purchased the above Brewery, wishes to inform the public that he is now prepared to manufacture a No. 1 quality of LAGER BEER! As good as can be obtained anywhere in the State. Orders solicited and promptly filled. Oregon City, December 23th, 1805. lOtf CLARK GREENMAW, ri,. . cy Drayman, ii3SBSE3 OREGON CITY. All orders for the delivery of merchandise, or packages end freight of whatever descrip tion, to any part of the city, will be executed promptly and with care. 16.6m 18GG. JOHN" MYERS. XKJXJXJ H. C. MYERS. J. MYERS & BROTHER, -lac sip Cs&sla. Stoi4 ! Under the Court House, in. Oregon- City. Dealers in Dry Goods, Boots and Shoes. Clothing, Groceries, Hardware, etc., etc., Which they propose to sell as cheap as any House in Oregon. Oregon City, October 23, 1S60. 2:ly PONY SALOON. Main street, Oregon Citv, 7?w- Adjoining the Brick Store of M'rt S. Ackerman. CbsS'C JAMES MAX.V, Propr. This popular saloon is always supplied with the vei v best quality of Wines and Liquors, Ale, "Porter, 15eer and Cider, Cigars and Tobacco. Give me a call. 7:lyJ JAMES MANX. Fashion Billiard Saloon Main street, between Second and Third, Oregon City. J. C. Mann, Proprietor. rrMIE above long established and popular X Saloon is yst" a favorite resort, and as onlv the choicest brands of Wines, Liquors and Cigars are dispensed to customers a share of the public patronage is solicited, (ly) J. C. MANN. SHADES SALOON. W. Side Main Street, heticeen Second and Third, Oregon City. GEORGE A. HAAS Proprietor. The proprietor begs leave to inform bis friends and the public generally that the above named popular saloon is open for their accommodation, with a new ana wen assori- ti f.hest brands ox wines, suppv liquors and cigars. 52 0 AN E M AH STORE! JAMES MORFITT & CO., WOULD INFORM THE PUBLIC Es pecially of Canfinah, that they hayp established a 'Store at that place, where they will keep on hand a well .assorted stock of Merchandise and Groceries. which will be sold at reasonable rates, for the purpose of establishing permanently such a necessity at Cauemah. Try us. (7:ly BENNETT HOUSE, Salem Oregon. I,. JAY S.TURXEY, HAVING LEASED THE ABOVE HOTEL is prepared to accommodate the public in as good style as any house on the coast. He has determined to make the Bennett as good as the best, and better than any public house in Salem. Charges moderate. JOHN HEST0R, AND DRAUGHTSMAN. Front Street, Portland, Oregon. Plans, Specifications, and accurate working drawings prepared on short notice after the latest approved style. (ly) Ask voor neighbor to subscribe ! for the Enteufiuse. Nearer Home. One sweetly solemn thought, Comes to me o'er and o'er, I'm nearer home to-day Than e'er I was before. Nearer my father's house, "Where many mansions be, Nearer the great white throne, Nearer the jaspar sea. Nearer the bounds of life, Where we lay our burdens down. Nearer leaving the cross, Nearer taking the crown. But by lying dark between, Looming up through the night, Is the dim and unknown stream, That leads at last to light. Close and closer my feet, Draw to the dark abyss, Closer death to my lips, Presses the creadful kis3. Father, perfect ray trust, Strengthen my faltering faith, That I may not fear to stand On the rocky shores of Death. Mtstkry. la the beauty of form, or of moral character, or the material creation, it is that iclnch is most veiled which is most beautiful. The mysteries of the heart and of nature are the delight of the intellect, the soul and the eyes. It seems as if the Creator had drawn a shadow over what ever He has made most delicate and most divine to highlen our aspirations after it by its secrecy, and to soften its lustre from our gaze, as he has placed lids over our eyes to temper" the impression of light upon them, and nigL't over the stars to incite us to follow and seek them in their airy ocean, and measure His power and greatness by these studs ol fire which His fingers, as they touch the vault of heaven, have stamped on the firmament. Valleys are the mysteries of landscapes ; the more we long to penetrate them, the more they try to wind, bun-, and hide themselves. Mist is to mountains what illusion is to love it elevates them. Mystery hovers over everything here below, and solemn izes all things to the eyes and heart. Tue Max Without ax Enemy. Heaven help the man who imagines he can dodge enemies'-' by trying to please everybody! If such an individual ever succeeded, Ave should be glad to know it. Not that we believe in a man's going through the world trying to find beams to knock his head against ; disputing every man's opin ion, fighting and elbowing and crowding all who differ from him. That again is an other extreme. Other people have a right to their opinions so have you 5 don't fall into the error of supposing they will re spect you less for maintaining them or respect you more for turning your coat every day to match the color of theirs. Wear your own colors, spite of wind and weather, storms and sunshine. It costs the vacillating and irresolute teu times the trouble to wind and shuffle and twist, that it does honest, manly independence to stand its ground. Take what time you please to make up your mind ; but having made it up, stick to it. - Good Advice. Mothers and wives will duly appreciate this, which we find float ing about on the sea of journalism : " Drunk I" said the mother. And she bent her head in unutterable sorrow. In that moment, the visions of a useful and honor able career were destroyed, and one of worth lessness, if not absolute poverty, presented itself. Well did she know that intemperance walks hand in hand with poverty, shame and death, and her mother's heart was pierced as with a sharp pointed steel. Ah, young man ! if the holy feeling of love for her who bore you is not dead withia you, shun that which gives her pain, and adhere to that which gives her joy. If she is with you on earth, she does not, cannot desire to see her son a drunkard ; if she is with her Father in heaven, shun that course of life which shuts the gates of heaven against you, and debars you from her society forever. Tue Mo3T Beautiful IIaxd. Two charming women were discussing one day what it is which constitutes beauty in the hand. They differed in opinion as in the shape of the beautiful member whose mer its they were discussing. A gentleman friend presented himself, and by common consent, the question was referred to him. It was a delicate mat-ier. He thought of Paris and the three goddesses. Glancing from one to the other of the beautiful white hands presented him, which by the way, he had the cunning to hold for some time in his own, for the purpose of examination, replied at last : "I give it up ; the question is too hard for me ; but ask the poor, and they will tell you that the most beautiful hand in the world, is the hand that gives." . . Study of the Bible. Looking at the Bible merely as an historical fact, as a power in the world, which has influenced the opinions, and directed the life, and quickened the heart of millions ; which has been inspiration to tho greatest minds of the race ; which has lifted up nations from barbarism ; which has been the spring of that philanthropy which is the boast of our civilization ; and which is now the professed guide of three hundred millions of our fellow men ; surely these facts, apart from any consideration of its Divine origin, of its claims to be a revelation from God, demand for it a respectful at tention and diltnent study, from any one who would be considered a well-informed and intelligent man. Commerce of A"cw Yorlc. The greatness, rapid growth and impor tance of the commerce which centers in New York is well shown by a few figures which the New York Evening Post has gathered from capital tables and reports. The average yearly value of exports and imports at that port during the period from 1820 to 1SG0, is shown by this table : Y-ars. Exports. Imports. 1 82130 ... $ 21.5S3.326 ... $ 3G,337.9."6 183140 27.9.38,810 75.392.170 181150. . . ..38.532.293 75.767,184 1S51 60 111,331,1G4.. . .191,515,429 The tonnage cleared during the same period was : 1S21 30.. 239,176 1831 40.. 701.959 1841 50.. 1.522.101 1851 60.. 3,275.791 Of which two thirds was American, During the fiscal year ending June 30. 1865, before we were fairly out of the war, the total value of imports received in all the United States collection districts (excepting New Orleans for the second quarter of 18C5, and San Francisco for tho fourth quarter of 186 4 and the first and second quarters of 1865). was $233,434,167, of which $66,322,504 was brought in Ameri can vessels, and $168,111,663 in foreign vessels. The total value of exports from the United States during the same year was $336,679,123, of which less than one fourth was carried away in American ves sels, though nine-tenths was of domestic produce. The share of New York in this trade is shown by the following figures ; The im ports at this port were, in American ves sels, $38,092,209 ; in foreign vessels, $137,891,780 making a total ol $175, 983,989. The exports from New York were, in American vessels, $45,49S,264 ;in foreign vessels, $202,13S.341 in all, $247,636,606. Of these exports also more than nine tenths was of American pro duce. These figures set forth the prostration of our shipping interest. We used to carry for the world, but foreigners now control for their ships the greater part of our own carrying trade. New York is the natural terminus of nearly 35,000 miles of railroad. These railroads are, however, only auxiliaries, as two thirds of our internal trade is borne by canals and river. Every mile of rail road built in the remote districts beyond the Mississippi makes its influence felt here ; and how rapidly these channels of communication are increasing, may be seen in the fact that Minnesota, which two years ago was without a single railroad, has now five in operation, with a total length of 360 miles. In the State of New York there were in 1860 in operation 1403 miles of railroad, constructed at an ex pense of $65,460,123 ; in 1860 we had 2701 miles, costing $131,320,542. During the war no material additions were made. The total length of canals in this State is 1026. Through all of these interior channels the wealth of one of the broadest producing areas on the globe is poured into our city. The accounts kept by the secretary of the Corn Exchange, of staple receipts here during the several years of the civil war down to the close of the year 1866, afford trustworthy data from which to estimate the fluctuations of our interior trade under the vicissitudes of the war and the influ ence of restored peace. During the rebel lion the Southern States contributed noth ing to our market, and since the opening up of that portion of the country a great deal of western produce finds its way through its old southern channels, while southern agriculture has scarcely begun to send its products which in ensuing years will pour upon us in greatly increas ing abundance. The fact that the current year shows a smaller percentage of receipts than either of the first two years of the rebellion (1861$2 and 1862-3) is not to be attributed to crop failures or a decreasing produc tiveness of the soil. The war swept away four hundred thousand men. a large pro portion of whom were taken from agri cultural pursuits, leaving in some in stances large districts without a force suf ficient to make even a respectable show at farming, and the heavy drain on this use ful class of our population is plainly visi ible in its effect on our markets. With regard to the single staple of Cot ton, the Corn Exchange tables show re ceipts through interior channels as follows : 18G1-2, none reported; 168,394 pi,es 1863-4, 265,685 bales ; 1864-5, 354, 121 bales ; 1865-6, 975.865 bales, and from May 1 to December 31. 186G. 374,454 bales. Grain and Breadstuff's fluctuated arbitrarily, and the tables from which we draw our figures do not report Tobacco, a very important staple. The same sources a'aow the comparative staple exports hence to other domestic ports for the fiscal year 1865-6, and the current fiscal year to December 31, 1866, as follows : 1965-65. 18GG-67. 154,700 5GS.1S5 15,723 55,230 122,793 77,910 9,C98,49fi 460,882 Cotton, bales. Flour.bbls. . , . Beet, pks Pork, bbls 529.668. 76,339. 115,184. 337,625. Lard, 100 lbs 231,918 Hams and Racon, do.2, 602,704. . . Corn, bushels ,6.-4.212. . . "Wheat, busbe!s 2,602,794. . . The Corn Exchange tables are presumed to give a comprehensive statement of the receipts and shipments of produce at this port to and from the interior ; they are at least correct as far as they go, and cover sufficient ground to afford safe data for making a general estimate. Comparing the prices of this year with those of last year, we find that Cotton ranges at 10 cents lower, Flour from $2 to $4 higher barrel, Corn a shade lower, Oats vary bat little, and Whisky ranges from 9 to 19 cents higher.. Salmon Instincts. The salmon, when out of condition and unfit for human food, goes down to the sea. And what does he do there? Not a single human being knows what he does ; but we do know, however, that be goes down a poor, miserable-looking, lean thing, but comes back a plump, fat, jolly, silver-scaled fellow. We only know that he finds good food in the estuaries of riv ers ; and a most curious thing it is in the history of the salmon that, as the swallow returns to her own nest, the bee to its own hive, the pigeon to its own dove-cot, so the salmon always returns home to its own river, if not captured or destroyed by its numerous enemies during its journey. The best instance of this has been communi cated to the public by the Earl of Dun more. He caught, on his property in the Isle of Harris, in the Hebrides, some 20 or 30 fish. These he marked and carried alive in his yaekt to the opposite side of the island, where they were turned into a lake. In the course of the same seasou in which they were transported, it was ascer tained that some of these very fish had come back again, all the way home, a cir cuit of forty miles at least, through the pathless waters of the broad Atlantic. They must, in their course, have passed the mouths of six or seven rivers, up which they did not ascend, though there was nothing in the world to prevent them. Such is 0:10 of the many instances of the wonderous power which guides salmon back to their own river. This faculty we call instinct," a word not nearly expres sive enough. One reads that the salmon seeks freshwater to get rid of the parasitic insect the sea lice of the fishermen. This, in my belief, is a simple accident. I at tribute his journey to a much higher cause. The ultimate object of the salmon is to get to the upper waters to lay their eggs ; for no salmon ever has or ever will breed iu the sea, though an old Act for bids pigs to be allowed to M-ander along the shore at certain seasons, because they eat the salmon eggs. An impulsive in stinct teaches the salmon that, in order that its young should hatch and thrive, the eggs must be deposited in gravel, and that shallow, rapid and cold water must go over them. These conditions are to be found only in the upper tributaries of a river, and it seeks them accordingly. The fish, having performed its task of building its nest and laying its eggs, returns to the sea to recruit its strength. Unrequited Love axid Suicide. A pair of Celestials have in the last two days, says the Statesman of the 6th, fur nished the Boise public with successive acts of fun and tragedy after a fashion very much like outside barbarians similar ly circumstanced. Ah IIoo was a China man of the male persuasion, and being subject to human frailitics, formed a strong attachment for a sister of the sun named Yon Choi. Now Yon Choi appears to have been owned by another Chinaman, who bought her in San Francisco and brought her up to Idaho as a business ad venture, as if she had been a given num ber of sacks of rice or boxes of tea. Un derstanding something of barbarian law, Ah IIoo determined to supercede the financial claim upon his inamorata by tak ing advantage of our statue relating to marriage. Accordingly he called iu re quisition the services of Justice Lindsey, and was on Thursday duly made husband of Yon Choi, " in the name of . the people of the United States in the Territory of Idaho.'' But Ah Hoo not having done sufficient wooing before the wedding, his partner in a few hours left him. to luxuri ate with her former owner. Ah Hoo was disconsolate and forlorn. Criminal com plaint was made and arrest followed, when an examination took place before Justice Lindsey. who was obliged to dismiss all hands, first advising Ah IIoo to take his wife in possession. But Yon Choi, not having the fear nor the respect of marital obligations before her eyes, refused to go with Ah Hoo, and went with his enemy, her owner. Ah IIoo insisted on being dis consolate and refused to be comforted. He declared he would kill himself, and put the threat, in execution yesterday morning by blowing his bowels through with a shotgun. Illustrative The Denver Xeics gets off the following : A little donkey about as large as Hunt & Co.'s policy, is just pass ing our window with a big cookstove lashed on its back, and supported on either side by a Mexican. The outfit is not un like the Hunt copperhead party of Colo rado, which is represented by the donkey we beg its pardon while the big stove is Alec, that they undertook to carry, and the supporting hands represent tho money that friends of the movement had to pay to board Mr. Hunt at Washington. Just ahead ol the donkey, and rapidly gaining in distance, is a load of hay. This repre sents the public plunder that the party are after, but unfortunately tue pacu. heavy. Poor little donkey. too The Boarding House. A writer in the February Atlantic hits the nail on the head when he says, ' the boarding house is a parody of home, a caricature of comfort, and a forgery of society,' and" its epoch is the age of brass, that fictitious metal, whose soTe virtue lies in its factitious re semblance to something better." . . Sam Slick said of all the deaths, he pre ferred that of freezing : for then One could go off with a etiffupper lip." "The Grey Mare i tlie Ucttcr Horse." The application of this proverb is well known, but not so w ell the story on which it is founded. A gentleman who had seen the world, one day gave his eldest son a span of horses, a chariot, and a basket of eggs. " Do you," said he to the boy, " travel upon the high road until you come to the first house in which is a married couplo. If you find that the husband is the master there, give him one of the horses. If, on the contrary, the wife is the ruler, give her an egg. Return at once if you part with a horse, but do not come back so long as you keep both horses and there is an ecg remaining." Away went the boy, full of his mission, and just beyond the borders of his father's estate, lo ! a modest cottage. He alighted from his chariot and knocked at the door. The good wife opened it for him and courtesied. " Is your husband at home ?" No ;' but she would call him from the hay-field. In he came, wiping his brows. The young man told them his errand. " Why," says the wife, bridling and roll ing the comer of her apron, I always do as John wants me to do ; he is my master. Aint you, John! ?"' " Then," said the boy, " I am to give you a horse, which will you take V " I think," said John, " as how that bay gelding would suit me best." " If we have a choice, husband." said the wife, " I think the grey mare will suit us best." " No," replied John, " the bay for me ; he is more square in front, and his legs are better." "Now," said the wife, '-'I don't think so; the grey mare is the better horse, and I shall never be contented unless I get that one." Well," said John, " if your mind is set on it, I'll give up ; we'll take the grey mare." " Thank you," said the boy ; " allow me to give you an egg from this basket ; it is a nice fresh one, and you can boil it hard or soft, as your wife will allow." The rest of the story you may imagine ; the young man came home with both horses, but not an egg remained in the basket, A "Dem'd Unpleasant Grind. "The Cop. organs, with great unanimity, stig matize the bill to regulate the tenure of office, as the greatest outrage ever perpe trated upon any people. Their objection to it, is this, that in effect, as they say, it subjects any Democrat who accepts of a Government office, to a fine of $10,000 and five years imprisonment. To be de prived of the privilege of holding a Gov ernment office, is to a copperhead, the greatest indignity that could be offered him. Were the conditions literally as stated, there would still be found an tedeluvian " seeds" of the copperhead species, willing to accept office, and to take the " chances" on suffering the pen alty imposed. Life to a copperhead with out office, is about what a summer with out ice would be to au inhabitant of the torrid zone a dem'd unpleasant grind." Such is Fame. How soon a man is for gotton, even though he may have been a great man, or, at least a man occupying a prominent position ! Soon after Lord Palmerston's death, the construction of a monument in the shape of a mortuary chapel, Romsey Church, in his native town was projected and subscriptions solicited. It is announced that the project has been abandoned, on accouut of the sraallness of the sum raised, and sumptuous monument of the Premier of England dwindles down into an ordinary stained glass memorial window in the church. But the worst is not yet told. The sum raised9 is not suffi cient for even the cost of that, and Lady Palmerston and her son, Mr. Cowper, are to make up the deficiency out of their own pockets. And yet this was the great Lord Palmerston. Ax Invitation'. The Boise Statesman says : " Gen. Steele and a few other fast boys were arrested and fined five dollars each for rapid driving in Portland, re cently. The Webfeet are getting to be puritanical as the dickens, lately ; don't let the boys have any fun at all. Come up here, General, and chase Indians awhile: it will rid you of the passion for fast driv ing.perhaps." The General, unfortunately, before the invitation reached Portland, was en route for the East to " report to his regiment." "What deuced sham, humbug gerv, are these " military movements." Rousseau is to take hi.s place when he comes. In- the Cemeteuy. " You have no chil dren, Madame?" said the particular pro prietor of a quiet house, before letting a lady the best apartments. "They are in the cemetery," was the gloomy reply. A tear was attempted on the part of the land lord, the agreement was signed, and the next day the lady arrived with a couple of youngsters. " I thought your children were in the cemetery ?" said the landlord. " So they were, yesterday, Sir," was the reply, " placing a few flowers on tne grave of oar former landlord, who was nervous, and, to tell the truth, so irritable that" " I understand, Madame ; 1 understand, said the enraged owner ; "your children killed him." Ixdian Ixk. Make lampblack and gum water into a thick paste, and mould it. -- To clean wall paper use wheat bran. A Good Joke. When I used to tencfttore in Syracuse; the old man came apund one day, and sa vs he : 0 " Boys, the one that sells the most 'twixt now and Christmas, gets a vest pattern as a present." Maybe we didn't work fothat vest, pattern ! 1 tell you there were some tall stories told in praise of goods just about that time. But the tallQt talker, and tho one that had more cheek than any of us was a certain Jonah Squires, ho roomed with me. ift could lake a dollar out of a mail's pocket, when the fnan only intended, to spend a sixpence. And the women Lord bless you! ihey just hagded over their pocXet books to him, and let hi lay out what he pleased for them. One night Jonah woke me up with : "By Jo, old fellow, if you think that ere's got any cotton in it, I'll bring down the sheep that it was cut from and mak liira swear to his own wtl ! 'Twon't wear out either ; I wor,e a pair of pants cf that stuff for five years, and they're as good now as wkeX first 'em on ! Take it at thirty cents, and I'rLsay you owe md nothing. Eh? t& dear! Ye call it twenty-eight cents. What d'ye say ? Shall I tear it ? All right ; its a bargain." I could feel Jonah's hand playing about the bedclothes for an instant, then rip ! tear ! went something or another; and I hid my head under the blankets, perfectly convulsed with laughter, a:nd suro-that Jonah had torn the sheet fronytop to bot tom. When I woke up the next morning I found alas ! unkindest cut of all ihki the back of my night shirt was split frtmi tail to collar band ! Webster's Dictioxaiiy Wc can just now begin to understand the tegpnt exten'-Q sive and fitter criticism pronounced by the Democratic organs throughout the country upon Webster's Dictionary. The following is a straic in the sequel : "Johnny, get your dictionary, andcjUdl me what tlm word Democrat means,' said an old Vallandighanimer to his hopeful. The son complied and soon read as fol lows : " Dariocratn., One who adheres to a government by the people, or faVjors the extension f the right of suffrage to all clashes of men." " Hold on, Jclirf, dofcgit say all daises of men"?'-' . " Yes. dad." " Who's ihe maker of that dictionary ?M " Webster." O " " Oh. that blasted old Whig ! Always thought he was sort of favoring the ni gefs! Johnny, you needn't read that dic tionary any more. I'll see abot(t-getting iue ngui ivinu, uen 1 next go 10 town.' Q Ax EucextrichT'xiayq:. In a work en titled "English Eccentricities," recently published in London, may be found the following extempore prayer, attributed by the author to a certain Mr. Ward : " Lord, thou knowest that I possess ninrj houses in the city t' LondonT) and $iat. f have recently bought an estate in tbo county of Essex. Preserve, therefore. I pray thee, the two counties of -Middlesex and Essex from fires and e;03fhqnakes. and as I have an hypothecated estate in Hert fordshire, look also wilh compassion upon that county : as to th? other rtions of tho country do as fhowilt. Lord, con solidate the Royal Bank, that it mav honor its notes. Let all my debtors be" or be come honest men. Give a prosperous and speeuy passage iocjme sioop Jiennaai. as I am responsiblefor the insurance. Pre- serve me from robbers and brigands. Make all my servants faithful and devoted1. that they may watch over my interest3 and not relax their diligence bv dav or night. -O- Opeuatic. The enterprising Lakeshor 0. neighbors of Milwaukee, Wis., deterrnimSi not to be behind their rivals o ft hicago hi the matter ol catering to enlightened pu'l lic taste and furore for tho brightest stars of the Opera, sought to induce Ristori to tisit their city and hold forth a season ; but the following reply iron? Monsieur Grau, will tell why the Milwaukians were not gratified, etc : O ." Shentlesmen, I thanks you generalTr foryour invite to come.Cbut de grand ex pense he be too much for mine darling lit tle angle. I takes a special trains, do vou see, and that he cost de grand monish. Den I loose dA0 to St. Louis ; and I pay?- mine angle irirre vot I gets in Milwaukee, and dat is very bad. Oh. no, shentlemens. 1 likes de Milwaukee very much, whaj; you calls him ; I likes de peoplvery much, and I comes by-by, ven I gets another lit tle angle what's shust sg, good only vat dosn't cost so much of the monish, do you see.' o Weathep. Confab. The following con- fab upon the weather was comraoncedy a Dutchman racking an Irish acquaint ance : " Goot morrer, Patrick, how yoiQnz?" " The top o' the morning to ye, Smitt, d'ye think we'll get the rain to-day?" " Kees no ; we never hash mooch rain in vey dry times." " Faith, an' ye're right there, Smitt. and thin whiniver it gets in the way o' rainin', the divil o' bit o' dhry wither we git as long as the wet spell howlds." 0 The following is a true copy of aQ pre scription put up at one of our city drug stores, within the last few days, 6ays the Oregonian. It was written by an ass who stvles himself an M. D. : ' Juneper Beary Sasaprila Nerre Vine Prickley Ash Beark Iodine of Potasick Ole Holen Jit 1 ounso. l 0 15 granos 1 quart The above is to be taken every nighf and morning 1 table . ppoonful at. a dose, and in case your Bules become costive uso o Yellow $k. A little alum added tp saffron renkes a beautiful yellow ins; a o o o o o It o