inn k
niiiiu.
tr
BY TVAULT &i BLAKELY.
IXDErEMDKHT ON ALL SPIUKCTs; DEVOTED TO THE BEST MTKBKSTS OF SOUTHKnN OJISOOX.
TERMS 5 00 PER ANNDM.
"VolHIUC 1.
JACKSONVlliliE, OUEGON, SATURDAY, MAY i4, 1850.
Number 3H.
iiii: Mini;
TEE TABLE HOCK SENTfflEL
18 rCVMfOID ITEBT SlTUflDlT, IT
T'VAULT & BLAKELY.
Tortus la Advance t'
On copy, for oneyeor, $S 00.
" " ' six month S3 00.
i. it three months, $2 00.
ADVERTISEMENTS
Will b Inserted it the following rates:
On square of twslve lints or leu, three In
ertloos, $5 00 ; each subsequent Itucrtlon,
SI 00. A liberal deduatlon made to yearly
advertiser.
Business Cards, of ten lints or lew, for
one year, $30 1 to persons who advertise to
the extent of three squares or more, re-
uoetiow or su per cent, win in mauo.
fW The number of Insertions must be
distinctly marked on the margin, otherwise
iney win m continued till rorbldcn, and
coargea accordingly.
Chlaa New.
Onr exchanges by the Lire Yankee did
not come to band till yesterday morning.
We cannot fnd any new of Importance In
them, except the following from the Hong
kong lit fiit trot the 11th March :
Tub Aueiican Ministxk Sncbded, Wc
bare been Informed that tome amusing epis
tolary diplomatic bye-play has lately taken
place between II. E. Dr. Parker, the Amer
ican Commissioner, and lllp, tho Viceroy cf
Canton. W hare not seen the correspond
ence, bat It baa been made public enough In
Canton, where It has been freely commented
upon. The case, as we baro beard It, la as
follows :
On the Commissioner's arrival by the
December mall, II. E. addressed commu
nication to Dip, Informing him of hti hming
entered upon the duties of his office as Com
mlssloner from the United Stales express-
iug bis pleasure at finding the country free
from the civil dissensions which had existed
on his departure assuring Hip of the blgh
consideration In which the Court of China
was held by the United States-hoping that
the Emperor would lire a, " thousand years,"
to carry forward the bliss and prosperity of
tb Central Flowery Land ending with the
Atsire that nip might be assured of his
own personal esteem and consideration. To
communication so polite, It would natur
ally be expected that the Viceroy would
bare Immediately responded, and in the
blgh flown phraseology of the East bare
thrown back upon the Commissioner the
" daubing " which he had so plentifully re
ceded. But no such thing hsppened. The
worthy Commissioner was lor weeks left In
doubt as to what kind of reception the Vice
roy bad bestowed on his communication.
Weeks passed on; the time was about ar
living when a U. S. vessel could be placed
at the Commissioner's disposal to convey
Mm to Canton In a manner befitting his po
sition, and it was therefore necessary to test
the Viceroy's politeness by addressing him
a second communication. This was of course
as oily and flowery a tbo first. It Informed
the Viccry that the writer bad previously
bad the honor to address him ; It enclosed
him a copy of the publ') notice which the
Commissioner had issued against the " Coolie
trade," and expressed the Commissioner's
anxious desire to see this deplorable traffic
brought to an end j and concluded with a
request that the Viceroy would be good
enough to appoint a day on which an inter
view might be held In erdsr that tbo Com
missioner might deliver Into the Viceroy's
own hands a letter which the President of
the U. 8. had addressed to tbo Emperor of
China, with which benad been entrusted a
request nMch seems in every way modest
enough, the granting of which would be an
ticipated by all but those acquainted with
the supercilious pride and haughtiness of
Chines grandees. The secoud communica
tion did more than the first, for It brought
boat a reply. This reply was worded in
the most guasded manner. It referred to
the first communication ; and the Commis
sioner was Informed that the Viceroy had
thereby been made acquainted with his (tbo
Commissioner's) appointment) It referred
slightly to the notification regarding tho
" Coelle traffic," and then most diplomatic
ally to the request made for an Interview.
The Viceroy said that on previous occasions,
having repeatedly bad Interviews with Dr.
Parker in Canton, he could see no good rea
son why another should bo now sought for,
the mora especially as be bad no time at
his disposal, being busily engsged in the
military administration of the affairs of
Kwoag-si that a regards the letter to the
Emperor, the Commissioner bad only to en
Close it to Mm and be would forward It to
Peking when he ccild find a convenient op
portunity. In truth, the Commissioner bod
ibis reply made) to him" Ho can see."
This poll to bowing out of tho American
Commissioner can hardly havo been unlock
ed (or even by Dr. Parker. IPslmply now
SMtaalas to be sen whether H. E. tho Com
doner Plenipotentiary from the Govern
scat of the United States will do, m nip
desire him to do, forward the President's
Utter to the Emperor of China through
6fB common Canton Police runner, or will
tasjd open bis position, and dssuuid lu re
oeytion at the bands of the VIoroy of Can
too, a stipulated for In th Slst article of
is American Treaty.
"Yottttg ItdjM marry so well la Yrtka."
News Items Crowded Oat Last Week,
Uistreuino Accident. A vory
distressing nocldcnt oocurrcd yesterday
afternoon, at half-past flvo o'clock, nt
I'aclflo Gnrdou, which cast a shadow
over the Turner's Festival. A man
named Charles Degors and ft Holland
er, nanio unknown, woro engaged In
tiring n salute with a lirnss four-pounder
on tho crais tilat In front of thenar-
don. Thoy had find two rounds nnd
woro ramming homo tho cntrldgo for
the third discharge whan tho chnrgo ex
ploded, horrlhl v mutilating both tho par
ties. Decrr fiad hla'rlght hand blown
ontirely off, lost his left arm below tho
elbow joint, uosides the musclo or his
left shoulder, tho fleshy portion of his
throat, and a wound In tho loft breast.
The Hollandnr had both of his bands
blown off, but was not Injured other
wise bodily. Tho woumlud mon pros-
ontod a most pitiful spootaclo. The
Chief Engineer, Mr. Nuttman, nnd bis
Assistants, Mr. Devoe, Mr. Walsh, tho
Foreman of Ennino Company No. 6,
together with tho reporters of the pros
and other active gentlemen present, ren
dered prompt nnd sympathetic nttuntlon
I to tho wounded men. Degers was car
ried to tho German Donovolent Infirm
ary, on Mission street, near Third, and
received the best medical attention by
Dr. Sawyer, Physician to the Flro
Department, assisted by Drs. C. J. Bry
ant and J. J. Cushlng. At a lato hour
Inst evening ho was still allvo, although
his recovery under such mutilation is
almost impossible. Tho Hollander was
taken to a privato hnusc, whoro he is un
der tho treatment of Drs. Gray and Har
ris. It is mnro than probnblo ho will re
cover. S. F. Iltrald, Olh.
Ronninr. A miner who had taken
passage yesterday on the steamer Sierra
iS'uvadn, was robbed of 87,000. He
bad just arrived from the minosia com
pany with eight companions, tho united
result of whoso labor had notted 800,
000. His friends went home on tho
Goldon Goto. Tho money was contain
ed In a carpet bag which ho hud placed
under the bead of tho borth In his stato
room, and while ho was engaged in lay-
hie in a supply oi itoiit lltorature nnu
examining ciiticult) a frjtvlrwLU.li wt
ottered exceedingly cheap by some ho
cus nocus or othor his 87,000 disap
peared suddenly. No cluo has been ob
tained to the recovery of tho money,
but tho polico havo arrested a beautiful
trio, Messrs. Hurley, Ke(o and Unno,
who are known to be in this lino of bus
iness and who wero seen prowling
, about tho steamer nt the timo of the rob-
.bery. S. F. Herald, Oth.
Pcorut .cavi.no -me Tensiionr. learco-
ly a vessel leaves our waters, tut that car
ries away a large number of passengers, who
are bidding a farewell to the territory.
Families, la particular, seem to have this
msnla to get away. The disastrous state of
affairs throughout the country, Is the only
reason we can glvo to account for It; and
without good assistance Is received from Un
cle Sam, hy appropriation, Ac, and tho war
still continues, the population of the territo
ry will be exceedingly small in a very short
time.
Within tho last few days, three vessels
have left the lower part of the Sound, with
forty-five persons : the brig Merchantman
having fifteen j the bark Madonna eighteen ;
and the brig Consort with twelve. Pugtt
Sound Cour.
IrtPtAN Shot. Some eight or ten
days ago, an Indian called ill!!, was ta
ken on the reservation opposite Seattle,
and carried to Uiympm. He had come
from the hostile camp on to tho reser
vation, when the Chief Seattle, inform
ed the whites, and he was captured.
At Olympia two or three days age, he
was ahot by a Mr. Ilrannan, whose
brother and family were killed at the
White river massacre. The supposi
tion is, that this Indian was ono of the
band present at that time, and killed the
families, and was the one who took Mr
King's ion to Leschi's camp. Ibid,
OCT" It it understood from the Indians
who have been taken by the various
parties of soldiers, that the hostiles
nave suffered severely in tho numorous
engagements bad with them. 8everal
of their leaders are reported to hare
been killed, and a large number wound
ed. We think that after they havo re
ceived a few more doses of Uncle
Sam'a "blue pills" they will be crying
peeavu Ibid.
OCT The U. 8. steamers Massachu
setts and John Hancock, are still at
Seattle. The Decatur and Jo IT. Davis
are on a cruise below. Ibid.
An adveaturerer down east named
Smith advertises that be require 99,000,000
agents for new tasters. Partis apply
ing to enclose a postage stamp. A pretty
considerobls fortune will be made If b only
receive applications from ons-tcnth of that
cumber.
"Sentc Sbaklng."
Tom Is a queer genius, nd lets off some
tall ones occasionally. lie visited us the
other day In onr sacrum, with a
11 How do you do, old fellow!"
11 Hallo, Tom," saUwe, "where have you
been so long!"
" Why, sir, I have been down en Seven
Illver, In Anne Arundel county, taking
shanghai notes on th chills and fevers."
"Ab, indued; aro they vory bad down
thero 1"
" Rather bad," snld Tom, drily. " There
Is one place where they have been attempt
ing to build a brick bouse for eight weeks
well, th other day, a ike hands were put
ting up tho bricks preparatory to finishing
It, they were taken with a chill and shook tho
house completely down, and kcjt on shaking
till the bricks were dust of the finest qual
ity I Just at that juncturo the chills cams
on with renewed force and, they commenced
shaking up the dust with such gusto that
they vtero entirely obtcoreit for two hours,
and tho people of the neighborhood thought
tho sun r, as In an eclipse."
Can't beltcvc anything like that, Tom."
"It's a fid,'' said Tom, and resumed:
'Thero's a farmer down there, who, In
apple-plcklng season, hauls his niggers out
to the orchard and sets ono up against each
tree on the ground."
" Incredible 1" said we, holding our sides
with both bunds.
" Fact," said Tom, " they keep a man
alongside of each negro to take him away
as soon ss thj fruit Is off, for fear ho will
shake the tree down."
Tom continued, "Mrs. S , friend ofi
mine, bad a carpenter, who was engaged a
few days ago In covering the roof of a house
with shingles. Just as he was ' finishing,'
the chill csmo on and ho ahtok every shin-
' gle off the roof. Somo of them nro sup
posed to be flying about yet."
" Another gentleman, near the same place,
was taken with a chill the other day it din
ner end shook his knife and fork down bis
throat, besides breaking all the crockery
waro on tho table. Ills little son, who was
sitting at the table at the same time, was
token with a chill and shook all the buttons
cfi his inexpressibles, and then shook him
self clear of tbo latter I"
Wu then prevailed upon Tom to desist,
who did so with the understanding that he
wis to gtve us rag baladttu at funic vtitti
time.
Persons who think of emigrating to Arun
del county will please take nutlce.
How to Fop tub QotsTio.v. " Gracious,"
says I, " It's now time to look ortsr Nsnco."
Next day, down I went. Nancy was
alone, and I asked her If the equiro was in.
She sed be wasn't
'Cause," said I, making believe I wanted
him, " our colt baa sprained his foot, and I
come to see if tbo 'equiro wont lend mo his
mare to go to town.
She said she gucwed he would. I'd bet
ter sit down and wait till the 'squire come In.
Down I sot ; she looked sorter strange,
and my heart felt queer around the edge.
' Are you gclng down to Detsey Martin's
qulltent" after a' while, says sbe.
Sex I, " Kecon I would."
Sez the, " Suppose you'll take Patience
Dodge 1"
Sez I, "I mought, and then again I
moughtn't."
Ses the, " I beard you was a going to get
married."
Ses I, " I wouldn't wonder a bit."
I looked at ber, and teed the teare cum
min.
Ses I, "May be she'll ox you to be the
bridesmaid."
She rlz up, sbe did, ber face as red ss a
boiled beet.
' Seth Stokes," and sbe couldn't say any
thing more, sbe wai so full.
" Wont you be bridesmaid, Nance (" sez I.
" No," sez she, and she burst right out
" Well, then," eays I, " If you wont be
th bridesmaid, will you be the bride t"
Sbe looked up at me I swan to man I
never saw anytblbg so awful purty. I took
right bold of ber band.
' Yes or no," ses I, " right off."
" Yes," sez she.
" That's the sort," sez I, and I gave ber a
kiss and a hug. I soon fixed matters with
tho Vquire. We soon hitched traces to trot
in double harness for life, and I never bad
cause to repent my bargain.
Maiomc Gmr. At the festival of
the Provincial Grand Lodgo at Glas
gow, air A. Allison mentioned that
during the assault on tho Redan, an
bnnlish omcer led a small party of sol
diers up to a gun placed on a recess of
the Redan, and most of the men fell
before the tremendous flro with which
they wore roclved. The others wero
received by a body of Russians, and
the English officer was about to be bay
oneted when be chanced to catch the
band of a Russian officer, and had ores-
ence of mind enough to give him a Ma
sonio grip. The Russian in a moment
struck np the bayonet or a soldier, led
his newly-found brother to the rer,
and treated him with all the kindness of
a Mason !
Glad I didn't oirr Mxrmisi). We
tako tho following from the Evening
uuuettn oi tno juth Inst:
Well, I'm on old maid I Not the on
ly one, either, thank Heaven I To be
euro, there's not a superabundance In
oan rrsneisco reasons enough why
thero 'alnt, too. I do roallv believe It's
tho greatest market for girls, yonng or
old, in tno Known world. Mow there
isn't a city, town or vlllsgo this sldo tho
Himalayas, but what has shipped more
or less oi mis Btook always ready
sale plenty of buyers, wUh tho cash
in hand. "Wasn't I mttd,"afitr iavinrx
my stomnch turned Inside- out, on that
rolling, fchaking George Lav almost
breaking my neck up and down those
fearful mountains, on a cross-grained,
superannuated mule, nnd then drawing
tho brenth at lift three wlinln w.mka in
a jittlo squaro tjlaco, half as large nu un
do Tun's dog konool I say, wasn't I
mad wlion 1 got here, to tlnd there
wasn't a young man, widower or bach
elor in the wholo plnco worth having I
Now, I'm m roasonablo a woman as ev
or was born, sinco Mrs. Eve let the
lightof hor eyes shine upon poor lonely
Adam, but Id no more think of marry
ing ono of thoso misorablo, ploasuro
seeking lovers of mnmon, than worship
ping that molten calf the Good Hook
tolls about I Not I! IVo got a fow
hundred loft yet If it did cost a hoop
to tig out, and land hero I I am glad
enough I wasn't in a hurry. The best
thing I over did in all my life, was ta
king a few poeps behind tho matrimoni
al curtain of somo of my friends 1 An
old maid, oh t yea, indeed I Do you
think I'd sell my freedom to a regalar
Callfornlun t l'ro always had somo do
mestio notions, whsnever matrimony
was thought of. What, marrv a man
who never lives in ahouseexcoent when
nsloepl forever out though tho fog
is so thick ho can't boo his own no bo, or
tho wind blowing strong enough to
tako tho feathers off an old gooso 1
A man so used to iilayinc monto, bil
liards, and drinking brandy cocktails,
ho can't sco any comlort in a cosy room,
cheerful fire, and soft light! Oh,
dear I What a pity they aro all alike
not n pin's difference between them I
One might ns well think of changing
an eclipse, as their habits 1 Well, well,
I think 1 ptoved myscll a rcmnrltably
sensible woman, when I concluded to
pass them by and remain an old maid.
SoritT Stkbv.
A Mam or Uoxes, Here Is a curl
ous fact for you. The llesh of a living
man once grew into bone. It seems
hard to believe, but I suppose it was so;
lor, lo tho museum at Dublin, Ireland,
thero is, or was, the skeleton of ono
Clark, a native of the city of Cork,
whom they call tho ossified man, one
of tbo greatest curiotities of nnturc.
It is tho carcass of n man entirely ossi
fied in his life time, living in thut con
dition for several years. Thoso who
know bini before this surprising altera
tion, atllrm that he was a man of croat
atrongth and agility. He felt tho first
symptoms of this surprising change
some time lifter a debauch, till, by slow
degroes, every part grew into a bony
substance, excopt his skin, eyes and in
testines; his joints settled in such o
manner that nu ligament had its propor
operation; he could not lie down nor
risii up without assistance. Ho had ht
lust no bend in his body, yet when be
was placed upright, llko a statuo, ho
cnuld stand but could not move in the
least. His teeth wore joined, and form
ed into one entiro bone ; thorefnre a hole
was broken through them to convey li
quid sustenanco tor his nourishment.
Tho tongue lost its use, nnd his sight
left him some timo before bo expired.
PnOUBESS AND iMMlOVeMIiKT. Pitts.
burgh Thirty-three tears Ado. The
following, from a Pittsburgh paper of
April 14, JcK3,siiovs how western peo
ple got to New York in tho.e days, and
what an advance the introduction of
steam has made in the modes of travel
in that short space of timo.
Pastenpcrs Wanted. A wagon will
start for New York city in about two
weeks. Five p.nsiengers will be accom
modated at 825 each. Apply at the
storo of Ainsworth and Smith, corner
of Walnut and Tilth Stroets.
Pittsburgh, April 14, 1823.
Just think of liavini; to advertise two
weeks to get a load of five passengers
for New York I Verily, things have
changed. Now, the iron horse, snort
ing over the Allegbanies, carries 500
psssengers daily to the same destina
tion. "Ha, Puttyton, how do you .dot
havn't seen you lately. What are
you at 1" "Thankee, I am well. I
am a contractor now." Indeed I (aside
I shouldn't thought bis means suffi
cient.) Ah, or course you nave contracted-
" O.yeal I have contrac
ted a large amount of debts, but I think
I shall break the contract end relieve
mysilf according to law."
A lUnD Shell Dittist Ssauox. The
Baltimore American bss received from a
friend In Loxlngton, Ky., the following
" Hard Shell Sermon," which be avers to be
genuine. It about equals, In closeness of
argument, and strict adherence to the text,
the ' spontaneous efforts' of the clerical he
ro who played upon a "harp of a thousand
strings I"
"Mybrcthrlng: The Scriptures tell us,
we are buried with Christ by bsptlsm.'
'Buried,' raj friends, not 'iprinkttd' by
bsptlsm.
" Suppose that one of you had lost your
little dartor, and you bad laid ber out, and
prepared bet for tl grare ; and your neigh
bors had come in and said t ' Friend, we
will take thy child and bury it and after
ward, when you went ont to see the grave
of your little one, yon found tbey bad laid
her down and sprinkled a llttlo earth over
her I What would you baretbunk of them t
" Suppose, again, that In the fall of the
year, you bad dug your potatoes, your tur
nips, your parsnips and your other roots for
winter's use, snd had dug a trench to bury
'cm In ; and you bad said to your servant :
'Sally, take the bouse gang and go arid
bury those potatoes, those turnips, those
parsnips and other roots ;' and afterward,
when you walked forth to see that all were
secure for tho winter's use, you bad found
that they bad just sprinkled a little dirt on
them I What my friends would you bato
done ? I rather suppose, my dear brethren,
you would ha' tried tho vlrtuews of the
cow-ekln I
"But they are not a bit worse thsn those
poor, Ignorant, benighted Episcopalians and
Presbyterians and Mothodlsts, who sprinkle
a lectio water on one another and call It
1 buried by baptism l'
"I am afraid, my friends. I am very
much afraid Indeed, that they will catch
something hotter than the cow-skin in the
day of reckoning I"
Txeiko tue Assessment. When the Im
mortal Col. was Assessor of a neigh
boring Parish, he was wont to have a high
old time. One day, as be was assessing the
valuablos of the occupants of a log cabin,
situated In the pi no woods, he In bis usual
urbane manner, "popped the questions " to
the old woman, while the old man had gone
out to procure some " corn cob oil " where
with to regale bis guest.
"How many horses, cattle, sheep, chick
ens, Ac., have you got, my deir madam, and
how much are they worth."
"Woll.t bar's three old horses, but they
alnt wuth a cent three cows, but they've
bin lost this spring two yean nary sheep,
'cept my old man, and he aint wutb a cuss ;
but he alters votes the Dcmmycrack ticket,
and buys his whiskey by the jug when he can
get it a heap cheaper by the bar'L tie
chickens was all stole the other night, an'
I hope to massy they'll phtuii the scamp that
booked 'era."
" Very satisfactory estimate of your vsl-
uables, particularly about tho war. buti'of taclleeluNew Hampshire, that atate will
here's something worth assessing, (pointing ,
to a dirty little urchin about rive years old '
that was clinging to tbe old woman's gown)
bow much do you value that little nlg
ner t"
"Llttlo nigger I isles al Ire! you Infernal
old rascal, do you dare to call my child a
nigger .' Clar out o' here, or I'll knock tho
daylights out of you in a minlt Umyl to
think I should livo to be forty odd next
clasi meeting and to bear my own child
called a nigger by such a fellow as you f
By this time tbe old woman bad worked
herself up to a pitch of ungovernable fury,
and raising her voice to a shrill yell, she
colls out to tbe old msn, to come quick and
"chaw tbe Colonel up," and we are com
pelled by a regard for veracity, to record
that tbo Colonel's old lay made six miles of
bad road In better time than Lecomtu ever
did in his palmiest days. A deputy wu sent
to attend to tbe unfinished busluess In the
settlement, and tho Colonel's remembrauce
of Unit day' work bu "hoisted "him Into
ib other extreme, for the ll blggeet right
be was in was occasioned by bis entering
upon bis record when taking tbe lut census
six little mulattoes as the children of one
of bis constituents. Exchange.
Tub Ladies' I,aw ok Leap-Ykak.
It may, perhaps, be interesting to all
yonng ladies who are not already aware
of the important fact, that leap-year
empowers them to do something more
than "pop the question." 1 am in
formed by a fair friend, that, if In the
course of the year 1850 which is
leap-year she should so far forget
herself as to suggest a union between
herself and a bachelor acnulutance. who
should be uncivil enou-'h to Hprlino hnr
proposals.the could, thereupon, demand
-o" -....-.....,
irom mm tne gut oi a new silk dress.
Notts and Queries.
3rAn 1 irishman went a fishing, and
omong other things, be hauled In a large-
elxcd turtle. To enjoy tbe surprise of the
aenant rlrl he cut It In her rnoin. Kxl
morning the first that bounced into thcijRsndolpb in reply, "of tbe lands about
uiiuiui ibuii wbi uiuuy, wua toeexcia.
nation "lie jabers, l'to got the dlriirii
ffTO
eating the children for tbe lut tno months." !
PEI, PISTE AID 8CIBS0RS.
(Principally Sriiicrt.)
u What do we often drop, but never
stoop to pick up? A hint.
Men are called sons of guns because tbey
all go off some time or other.
tefc. The bump raised on a man's head
by a cudgel are called ray-nologlcal de
velopments.
s9What marine xeresenee Is man
Ilk who lives idly upon bis frisnds I A
sponge.
A eorrerpondent asks whether the " briU
at tit uon" i a swr! or Wbv!r
bridge'!
If yon wish to know whether anyboey is
superior to the prejudices of the world, ask
him to draw a truck for you.
"A laiy fellow down South spells
Tennessee thuct lOac. lie is the same fel
low who spells Andrew Jackson thus iru
Jaxn.
A recent philosopher discovers a method
to avoid liclng dunned. "Ilow? bow? how!"
we hear everybody asking. Never run in
debt.
Ssys th lovely Ellen to the bewitching
Fanny, " why Is a new baby llko a cow'
tall I Fanny blushed u she answered, " be
cause St wu nerer seen before."
" Mr. Smith, yon said you boarded at the
Columbian Hotel six mnnlbs, did yon foot
your bill!" No, sir; but it amounted to
the same thing the landlord footed me."
An Irishman, writing to a friend from
the West, remarked, that " Pork is so plenty
here that every third man you meet Is s.
hog."
A correspondent oaks, whether the yonng
lady who fell In love recovered, or did she
sick Into the unfathomable depths of mat
rimony t
CoxrEsstox or ax Uoly Max. Women
ore fond of telling us that "They bale hand
some men ;" but you msy bo sure that it Is
only lo ngly men tbey say so.
The most uncomfortable house to lira in
Is a house full of pets, such as pet dogs, pet
canaries, pet squirrels, parol, and cats; but
worss than all, pet children.
A barrister observed to a learned brother
In oourt, that the wearing of whiskers ws
v.vrpfotnn1 "Right.! a lawyer cannot
be too barefaced," respondeded bis friend.
A lady was asked to Join one of th di
visions of the Daughters of Temperance.
She replied, "That is unnecesssry, as it ii
my Intention to join one of the sons in the
course of a few weeks."
"Small thanks to you," said a plaintifT
toto one of bis witnesses, "for what you said
in tbe case." "Ab, sir, but just think of
what I did not say," replied the conscious
witnesr.
jTfT- The Bostrn Atlas thinks unless tb
opposition Immediately adopt a new system
.certainly cut its vote for tbe democratic
nominee for president next fall. Its vote in
urriogu iui y, i iuo opposition uo
jwhat they may. Fost.
"BicHM.oK. Buttons. "ITow do you
know he's a bachelor, aunt P I naturally in
quired. "Common sense, my dear," re
'piled Aunt Deborah. " I judge of people
jby their belongings; no lady could go Into
' that dog-cart without dirtying ber dree
with the wheel ; and If be bad a wife, that
handsome bay bono would go with another
in htr carriage instead of hit. Besides, lut
'wouldn't be so fond of bis pointers If be
bad anything else to care for; and above
'all, Kate," added my aunt, conclusively.
"bis silk pocket-handkerchief wun't bem
imed, and he'd a button anting In front of
bis shirt."
ltsUTioxsuir. A Hoosler girl stepped
on board a steamboat as she waa lying to
certain town on tbe Ohio River, and bawled
out, " Is tbe captain aboard V
Tbe csptalu, wbo wu standing among tbe
crowd, responded, " Yes, what do you want
of biro J"
0, notblog particular, he's a distant rel
ative of mine, and I'd like to see blm."
" A relation of yours i" inquired he, some-
whst surprised.
" Yes, a slight relation. He's th father
or my first child."
You better believe the csptuin sloped,
while the crowd enjoyed the sport to tbelr
heart's content.
John Randolph was one of tbe
most sarcastio men that ever lived.
One time a young man attempted lo
make his acquaintance. He obtained
an introduction, and among tbe first
remarks said:
"I paued by your bouse lately. Mr.
Randolph."
"I hope you always will' was tbe
abort reply.
Another one twitted him as lo bis
"want of education."
The gentleman reminds me," said
" ucu mn ut tno iiuuiguwrry,
which are poor bv nature. andsulU-
'" Jleem.
rerteterane will giv success.