f t PARAGRAPHS I Subscribe for the D emocratic T imes . J a TURDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 25, 1871 The quickest way to learn the “Dutch roll”—Drink Holland Gin. A city man, who knows all about fann­ WHY Till-: HÍXWTER WOULDN’T ing, says the best way to raise strawber­ du :. ries is with a spoon. VKRY STRANGE AFFAIR. Fleshy persons may become lean by eating .«late ]>encils. It reduces them to tea. my boy. and you shall know a mere cyjther. hing that happened a lung time ago, When 1 was a boy uot as large as you, One of the sincerest pleasures of life is And tbe youngest of all the children, tco. the unexpected relief from an overwhelm­ 1 laugh even now as 1 think it o’er, ing anxiety. And the mure 1 think, 1 laugh the more. Twenty bottles of whisky were inclu­ ’Twas the chilly eve of nn autumn day, ded in the stores of nn Indiana Sunday- We were all in the kitchen cheery ami gay, The hre burned bright on the old brick health, school pic-nic. A ad it» cheerful light gave zest to our mirth ; The negroes in Gainsville, Georgia, My elder sister, addressing me, regulate their time pieces by a wooden And stopping at once my youthful glee : ‘•To-morrow’s thank-giving, you km>w,” said she, watch used as a jeweler’s sign. "We must kill the chickens to-night, you tee ; A little terrier in Iowa ate a yeast cake. how light tho lantern and come with me, Next morning his master didn’t know I will wring their necks until they are dead, him ; he was as big as a bulldog. And have thein*»ll dressed ere we go to bed.” « So the huge old lantern, made of tin. Punched full of holes and a candle within, Put in its appearance in shorter time Than it takes to make this jingling rhyme. We started off, ami the way 1 led. For a raid on the chickens under the shed. A pite of root* filled the open space, Thus mnking a splendid roosting place ; And a motley tribe of domestic fowls Bed perched there as grave and demure as owls. |fr fi«’«r, unused to soenes of blood. Aid pale with excitement, trembling stood ; But summoning courage .‘she laid her plans. And seized the uld rooster with both her hands, And with triumph written all over her fae^ Her victim bore to an open space. Then she wrung an 1 wrung with might and main, And wrung and twisted and wrung agaiu, Till rare that the spark of life had fled, » She threw him down on the ground for dead. But the rooster would not consent to die And be made up into chicken pie, So he made away with cackle and bound, Almost as soon as he touched the grottn I, And hiding away from the candle's light, Escaped the slaughter uf that dark night. My sister, thus brought to a sudden stand, And looking at what she held in her hand. Soon saw why the rooster was not dead— ¿TAe had wrung off hit tail intteail of hit head.” INCREDIBLE YIELD OF GOLD. Developments have recently been made at the Gwin mine, in Lower Rich Gulch, unparalleled in the history of quartz operations in this State. A strata of rock lias been discovered in the main shaft at the depth of four hundred feet, that for richness eclipses anything of which we have ever hear«! or read. The strangest feature in the development is, however, that the rock recently discovered eo . *U . closely resembks the sk.te of which the Walls uf the lead are composed, that it has heretofore been taken out and thrown away witii other dt bris from the mine. The strata mentioned lies next to the foot wall, and is about a foot in width and thickness. In color and formation it so nearly resembles slate that it requires a close examination to distinguish the two from each other. The inclination of the “streak” differs slightly from that of the shaft. Commencing at a point near the surface, it crosses the latter diagon­ ally, leaving the shaft at the 4r<4,and I use my limbs and aui far better than I have been for years. Al. HOOVER. One of the best ways of decreasing crime among the members of both sexes is to destroy the belief (which is steadily spreading) that it is vulgar to work for a living. “Now, then, children,” said a parish school-mistress, showing her pupils off on examination day, “Who loves all ? ! men?” “You, missus,” was the unex- pected answer. It is said that Caseyville, near Salt Lake, contains seventy-three husbands, who have, in the aggregate, three hun­ dred and forty-seven wives and live hun­ dred and twenty-two children. The wealthiest silver mine owner in the world lives in Mexico. His name is Jose Corresco. One of the several valu­ able mines which he owns yields him a monthly income of $200,000. A celebrated poet at one time adver­ tised that he would supply “Lines for Certificate from tbe Deputy Jailer of Multno­ any Occasion.” A fisherman sought him mah county jail : shortly after, and wanted "a line strong City Jail, Portland, Oregon, June 7th, 1871. enough to catch a ¡>ori>oise.” A. M. Loryea A Co.—I was attacked with a se­ vere case of rheumatism. It was in my thighs, hips, fingers, shoulder blade—indeed in all the joints of my body 1 suffered great pain and an­ guish. I was attended by a regular physician, but w th no effect. I was induced to try your Unk Weed Remedy, nnd it immediately cured me up. I consider it. from my experience, the best remedy for rheumatism known. ALFRED F. TURNER, Deputy Jailer. This is to certify that the above statement is cor­ rect to uiv own knowledge. JOHN P. WARD, Jailer. A Jew was observed looking intently at a prodigious tine ham. “What are you saying to that ham, Mr. Jacobs?” “I was saying to it, ‘Thou almost per- suadest me to be a Christian.’ ” A poor fellow seeing in the street an old woman who drove some asses, said, “Adieu, motherof asses.” "Adieu, adieu, my son,’’ answered she. The man felt his ears grow as he walked along. Capt. Wright, of Franklin Precinct, Morgan county, Ill., is the owner of a hog which weighs thirteen hundred and llftn-Jive pounds, and which is, probably, the largest hog in the world. The climate of Utah is said to be bad for the hair. Its effect is illustrated by the experience of an editor whose fifteen wives have endeavored, not without suc­ cess, to “snatch him bald-headed !” Certificate of A. R. Shipley, Esq., special con­ tributor to the Parmer, and Secreta­ ry uf tbe Oregon Horticultural Society : Oswego, Oregon, March 28th, 1871. A. M. Loryea A Co.—Some four weeks ago I was entirely prostrated with rheumatism : in fact 1 was almost helpless. I sent to you for one 1(1- onnee bottle ofthe "Unk Wted Remedy,” by the use of which 1 experienced almost immediate re­ lief, and by tbo time the bottle was gone the rheu- piatism was gone. From my own experience, and from what I have heard others say who have tued There was once an independent old la­ the Vuk Weed, I believe it to be a certain cure for dy who, in speaking of Adam's naming the rheumatism. Your, respectfully, all the animals, said she didn’t think he A. R. »S'HIPLEY. deserved any credit for naming the pig— any one would know what to call him. Certificate from lion. A. J. Dufur, ex-Pr^sident of the Oregon State Agricultural .Society, and au­ thor of -’Statistics of Oregon East Portland, April 1, 1871. A. M. Loryea A Co.—I was afflicted with a severe attack of chronic rheumatism ; was confined to my bed most of the time from January to July, when I used the Unk Weed, aud it cured me up. A. J. DUFUR. “Excuse this bit of sarcasm,” said Smith to Jones, “but I must say you are an infernal liar and scoundrel.” “Par­ don this bit of irony,” said Jones to Smith, as he knocked him down with a jxiker. “The sexes were made for each other” was the text of a lecture by a young lady in California recently. Sho apjiealed to the feelings of her audience toprove the truth of her wonderful discovery. (Great applause). A wit, being told that an old acquain­ tance was married, exclaimed, “I am glad to hear of it.” But reflecting a moment, he added, in a tone of com passion and for­ giveness, “And yet I don’t know why ; he never did me any harm.” Jones says that lie first met his wife in a storm, took her to the first ball in a storm, popped The question in a storm, married her in a storm, lived his subse­ quent life in a storm, but buried her in pleasant weather. A fellow, in an oblivious state, took up his lodging in the street. lie awoke next morning, and, straightening him­ self up, looked on the ground on which he had made his couch, and said, “Well, if I had a pick-axe I would make un mv bed.” 1 J A favorito amusement of the belles of New Bedford in winter is sliding down hill on a codfish. On a moonlight night hundreds of young ladies belonging to the oldest and most respected families of that ancient town may be seen participat­ ing in this healthy, innocent recreation. T he Chicago Times publishes some very grave charges against Senator Pom­ eroy, of Kansas. It alleges that Pom­ eroy, having fallen under the power of a counterfeiter from Ohio named Carman, by being detected in a criminal liaismi with his wife, he has not only paid Car­ man $6,000 hush money, but procured his appointment to office in the Pension Bu­ reau at Washington, and also obtained places in the Interior Department for two of his sons, while Mrs. Carman and an­ other woman of similar character named Mrs. Ghant, were appointed, on the soli­ citation of Senator Pomeroy, to positions in the Bureau of Engraving and Printing These charges were first laid before the public about a month ago, and we have ever since expected some contradiction of them from Senator Pomeroy, but none has come. If they are true, they exhibit a degree of corruption and vice among Republican officials at Washington which even the robberies of the Tam­ many ring do not exceed in atrocity and shamelessness. Henry T. Helrubold’« Genuine Prepara­ tions. Quirl» Cures and Moderate diars'«» Delivered to any address.’? Secura from observa­ tion. Established upward of twenty years. Sold DR. W. K. DOHERTY’S by Druggists everywhere. Address letters for in­ formation, in confidence, to Henry T. llelmbold, Private Medical and Surgical Institute» Druggist and Chemist. Only Depots : II. T. IIELMBOLD’S Drug nnd No. 519 Sacramento street, corner of Chemical Warehouse, No. 594 Broadway, New York, or to 11. T. IIELMBOD'S Medical Depot, Leidesdorff street (a few doors below What Cheer Mouse.) Private entrance on Leides­ Component Parts—Fluid Extract Rhubarb 104 South Tenth Street, Philadelphia, Pa. dorff street, San Francisco. Beware of Counterfeits. Ask for HENRY T. and Fluid Extract Catawba Crape IIELMBOLD ’ S 1 Take no other. Juice. Established expressly to afford the afflicted soual March 4th, 1871. jan7-ly. and scientific Medical Aid in the treat­ FOR LIVER COMPLAINTS, JAUNDICE. BIL­ ment and cure of all Private and IOUS AFFECTIONS. SICK OR NERVOUS Chronic Diseases, cases HEADACHE, COSITIVENESS. E tc . PURE­ of Secrecy and all LY VEGETABLE. CONTAINING NO MER­ Dr. WALKER’3 CALIFORNIA Sexual Disorders. CURY, MINERALS, OR DELETERIOUS DRUGS. To the Afflicted. PRIVATE MEDICAL AID. HENRY T. HELMBOLD'S UNK WEED REMEDY. COMPOUND FLUID THE 1 Extract Catawba GRAPE PILLS. A GREAT M’DICAL DISCOVERY VINEGAR BITTERS Hundreds x>f Thousands The»» Pills »re the most delightfully pleasant purgative, superseding castor oil, salt», magnesia, etc. There is nothing more acceptable to the stomach. They give tone, and cause neither nau­ sea ur griping pains. T hey nre composed ot tile finett ingredientt. After a lew day’s use of them, such an invigoration of the entire system takes place as to appear miraculous to the weak and en­ ervated, whether arising from imprudence or dis­ ease. 11. T. llelmbuld’« Compound Fluid Extract Catawba Grape Pills are not sugar coated, from the fact that sugar coated Pills do not dissolve, but pass through the stomach without dissolving, consequently do not produce the desired eflect. THE CATAWBA GRAPE PILLS, being pleas ant in taste and odor, do not. necessitate their be­ ing sugar-coated. PRICK FIFTY CENTS PER BOX. TiElNTrUV T- HELMBOLD’S HIGHLY CONCENTRATED COMPOUND FLUID EXTR’CT SARSAPARILLA Will radically exterminate from the system Scrof­ ula, Syphilis, Fever Sores, Fleers, Sore Eyes, Bore Legs, sore mouth, Bore head, bronchitis, skin diB­ eases, salt rheum, canker», runnings from the ear, white swellings, tumors, cancerous affections, nodes, rickets, glandular «welling», night sweats, rash, tetter, liuaiors of all kinds, chronic rheuma­ tism, dyspepsia, and all diseases that fcavo been established in the system for years. Being prepared expressly for the above com­ plaints, its blood-purifying properties are greater than any other preparation of Sarsaparilla. It gives the complexion n clear and healthy color and restores the patient to a state of health and purity. For purifying the blood, removing all chronic constitutional diseases arising from an im pure state of the blood, and the only reliable nnd effectual known remedy for the cure of pains and swelling of the bones, ulcerations of the throat and legs, blotches, pimples on the face, erysipelas and all scaly eruptions of the skin, and beautify­ ing the complexion. DR. W. K. DOHERTY RB- turns bis sincere thanks to hi« numerous patients fur tbair pat­ ronage. and wo|ild take tbii op­ portunity to remind them that be continues to oo«> suit at bis Institute for tbe cure of chronic disease« of the Lungs, Liver, Kidneys, Digestive and Ge«- ito-Uniary Organs, and all Private Diseases, viii Syphilis, in all its forms and stages; Seminal Weakness, and all the h< rrid consequences ef self- abufe ; Gonorrhoea ; Gleet, Strictnres ; Nocturnal and Diurnal Emissions ; Sexual Debility; Dis­ eases of the Back and Loins; Inflammation of th* Bladder and Kidneys, etc.; and he hopes that hi* long experience and successful practice will con-- tinue tu insure him a share of public patronage- Bv his practice of many years in Europe and th* United States, be is enabled to apply the most e*- cient aud successful remedies against dises»«« of all kinds. He uses no mercury, charges moderate^ treats his patients in a correct and honorable way,, and has references of unquestionable reraeity from» men of known respectability and high standing in« 'society. All parties consulting him, by letter er ' otherwise, will receive the best and gentlest treab- i ment and implicit secrecy. 2=/ /jp g « q oc E. y WHAT ARE THEY? £ §í . i-J ’ E ® t fa •> 8 « E 5 THEY ARE NOT A VILE FANCY DRINK , F K T Madocf Poor Hum, Whiskey, Proof Spirits and Refuse Liquor« doctored,spiced ir» curative effect. C1'8 .«5 tin V'tStel Bion 1 whenever you find its of Power, Loss of Memory, Difficulty of Breath­ ing, Weak Nerve». Trembling, Horror of Disease. Ju.purities bursting through tiie skin in Pimples,Erup­ Wakefiiltie»», Dimness of Vision, Pain in the tions or Fores cleans.-it when you find it obstructed Baek, Ilut Hands, Flushing of the Body. Dryness and »iugg;«U in the veins ¡cleanse it when It is foul, of the Skin, Eruptions on the Face, Pallid Coun­ I an I your fe.lini ? vti! tell yon when. Keep tiie Lluod tenance, I'niversal Lassitude of the Muscular Sys­ pn-- a i.l the h .tltiicf t ieryst<'ni will follow. PIN, TAPE* il o» her WO fl MS*, lurkingin the tem. Etc. Used by persons from the ages of eighteen to system of so many thoueands, are effectually destroy­ twenty-five, and from thirty-five to fifty-five, or in ed and r nnv l. For full directions, read carefully the decline or change of life ; after confinement or tiie circular a-"'.nd each bottle, print'd in four lan- guoge»—Euglis.i, German, French a-.d Spanish. labor pains ; bed-wetting in children. J. WALKER, I’roprfetor. R. U. MCDONALD & CO., D uggists aid Gra. Agents. Pan Frvwlsco, Cal,, . I n and St Com ... ee f tract. N .w York. IIELMBOLD’S EXTRACT BUCHU IS DTU- . r-.'Oi.D BYALL DRUGGISTS AND DEALkKS. To Females. When a female iv in trouble or affi ¡.ted with disease, ur weakness of the back and limbe, paia in tbe head, dimness of sight, lois of muscular ¡power, palpitation of the heart, irritability, nerv­ ousness, extreme uniarv difficulties, derangement ¡of digestive functions, general debility, yaginiti«, all disease« of the womb, hysteria, sterility, and ail other diseases peculiar tu females, she (bould go or write at once to the celebrated Female Dee- tor, W. K. DOHERTY, at bis Medical Institute, and consult him about her troubles and disease. I Irregularities, Suppressi- ns, etc., will receive lb* Doctor's particular at ention. Let no false deli­ cacy prevent you, but apply immediately, and save yourself from painful suffering and premature ¡death. All married ladies whose delicate health or circumstances prevent an increase in their fami- I es. should write or call at I>R. DOIIERTY’B MEDICAL INSTITUTE, and they will reeeiv* ¡every possible relief end help. Tbe Doctor’s ef- fices, consisting of a suite of six rooms, are so ar­ ranged that he can be consulted without fear * observation. FLUID EXTRACT BUCHU, RETIC AND BLOOD PURIFYING, AN’D CUKES ALL DISEASES ARISING FROM HABITS OF DISSIPATION. AND EXCESSES AXD IMPRUDENCES IN LIFE. IMPURITIES OFTHE BLOOD, ETC., SUPERSEDING CO PAIBAIN AFFECTIONS FOR WHICH IT IS USED, AND SYPHILITIC AFFECTIONS—IN THESE DISEASES USED IX CONNECTION W1JH HELMBOLD’S ROSE WASH. LADIES. Tn many affection» peculiar to ladies, the Ex­ tract Buchu is unequaled by any other remedy— as in Chlorosis or Retention, Irregularity, Painful­ ness or Suppression of Customary Evacuations. Ulcerated or Schirrus Ktate of the Uterus, Leucor- rhoea or Whites, Sterility, and for all complaints incident to the sex, whether arising from indiscre­ tion or habits of dissipation. It is prescribed ex­ tensively by the most eminent Physicians and Midwives for enfeebled and delicate constitutions, of both sexes and all ages, (attended with any of the above diseases or symptoms.) Certificate from Mon. Gideon Tibbetts, a mem­ ber uf the City Council of East Portland : East Portland, April 7, 1871, A. M. T .oryei A Co.-—Gents : This is to inform IT. T. IIELMBOLD’S EXTRACT you that 1 havu u«o■— structions for diet, regimen and the general treat­ ment of the case itself (including ti e remedies), will be forwarded without delay, an.I in meh a manner ns to Convey no idea of the purport of ike- letter or pareel so transmitted. Consultations, by letter « otherwise, FRBB. Permanent cure guaranteed, or no pay. Address W. K. D0I1ERTY, M. D., San Francisco, Cali­ fornia. Spermatorrhoea. DR. DOHERTY has just published an imperia« pami'liist embodying his own views and exper­ ience« in relation to Impotence or Virility, being a short treatise on Spertnotorrhoea or Seminal Weak­ ness, er«<>u« ami Physical debility consequent e> this aft. ;ou, nnd other diseases ofthe sexual «r- gans. This littl rork contains information ef tbe «t- mo.t value to H. whether married ur single aad will Le -ent rnr by mail on receipt of six cent« ifa postage stamps to■ return postage. Addresa W. K. DOHERTY, M. D., San Francisco, Cal. jan. 21, 1871. 7^ ¿ H ’s 50 U. rSNIIE TI1TR8TV ITBLTC ARE INFORMED J l that Pape A Savage <>f the ■’ New (Stale Sa­ loon ” will «juench their thirst with tbe most choice BEVERAGES to be found in Jacksonville for " <>nc bit.” We expect to lose money by it, but times are hard, and we cannot sec people thirsty. l’Al’E A SAVAGE. October 16th, 1869. BAGER! «- "a M R 7 c> §■“.2 - - 5 LAGER! CA 4 25 « -"E-i^ EAGLE IHSEWERY. Oi OSEPH WETTERER HAS N0W0N HAND _ nnd is constantly manufacturing the best Lag­ er Beer in Southern Ore-on, which he will sell in quantities to suit purchasers. Call and test the article. Jacksonville June 5tb, 1S69. J - - = Q £ O , - ve * .. ä <1 E< <1 » h < & t-m G. c »- k £ e u JS e ta —, - -O c ° ARKANSAS c: 2 cÄ tn ™ 0 55 ’S ex -ö LIVERY STABLE ! a eS I a. a, H C c C Ä oj X c CÙ1 is Oregon street, opposite Overbeck’s Hospital, nK country, that he is now manufacturing, »«an notice to me at my office in Jacksonville, Oregon wil1 constantly keep on hand, the very bert ef Those and all persons indebted to said estate are required Lager Beer. Th “? who " b ‘ wish “ a ' cool ,nn' glass f1 ““ of bear should give mo a — call. • to rnako immediate payment. ---------- 1» Jacksonville, June 12th, 18*9. t C. W. KAHLER, Exeautor. June llth-lf» Jacksonville, Oregon, October 12, 1871. 4114 T I T ». (