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About Washington independent. (Hillsboro, Washington County, Or.) 1874-18?? | View Entire Issue (June 3, 1875)
- . . ... ... ' rTZE - .... .... f, .... VOL. Ill; HILLSBORO. WASHINatON COUNTY, OREGON, THURSDAY, JUNE. 3, 1875. NO. 10. THE INDEPENDENT. PUBUSUIU AT ililliboro - - Oregon Editor and Proprietor. t fcitite oi; sUiisciurnox: On j'ar, . . Six m nths,. Thre mouths. Single :oyien. 5 50 1 50 x 00 10 HATES OF ADYEliTISlXG: TTMB 1 SQ. 1 WJCKK. 1 50 2 WXSKH. 2 00 1 irox-rn. 2 50 3mos. 4 50 tixos: C 00 1 tkab. 10 00 2sx 2 00 2 ru 3 00 G 00 10 00 15 00 col G 00 8 50 12 00 20 00 30 00 50 00 Jeol 10 00 15 00 20 00 y: oo 50 00 1)0 00 3 50 4 50 5 00 y oo 16 00 30 00 Iioc (. Notices, 25 cents per liu for the first insertion, and 20crntsn line for -uh tubseiiu-nt insertion. No notxee Ie.-:s than qq1 c. ;,t, a i ,ii nfi -r legal notio s. iu per ku;uv, 1st ir.sir- tion; each ullitionil iuv rtion. $1 0 . Transient advertisements, $2 00 1st in 6crtiu; each additional insertion, $1 00. AGEN T AT rOKTLAXn, O .'EG OX I. AGENT AT SAN FltANOlSOO -Ti.IF:sn-Kit. rooms 20 V il.MtrehiiutKralnine Ciilifoinii htrc-tt. AGENTS AT NEW YORI YORK CITY--S. M. I UTTKN'JILl. tV 'o., Piirli 1'm'V, lioekaiiin st.-GEO. 1'. Kowlj.i. or. Co., 41ParkBnv. ' AGENTS AT ST. LOTUS KowKt.nl- Cdesmav, Cor. Thinl ftiul Chfatnr.t Sts. TO COmUISPOKDF.N'TS. All oi.i.nnnt- . iti,-)iH int. litU-tl for inst ttion in The tWe n:iTiit unit iut.b-c-.rt if tiu v.-rite-r - j ue?..Hs:m!.v for puWiration, as . OFFICE -In Hillsboro in th olj Court- bikUos on the Pnblic Square. '1L1L11 J PROFESSIONAL CARDS. JOHN Vim, M. D., Physicia and Surgoon- 11 ILLS IJORO, - -- . DEV0UM1- to 'JIES; also C 1 1 HO SIC ULCEUS.. OFFICE Main stivtt Ilillsborr. 'On-.;o F. A. BAILEY, M. D. Phyaidaa, Snrgcon and Accoiceur HHLSB0R0. j- - - - 02IGDN OFFICE at the Drn? Store. ItKSIDENCE Three r.lock S .i:th of fDru Store. nl:yl V 1 L.SOX UOWLHV, 31 . 1. j,-.,,., .Physician and Surgeon, 1'0HCST liUOVK, -.- - CilEtiON. OFFICE- At his Kesidence, Joh.sons Flaninjr Mill-s. West of nl'J: y W. II. SAYLOIt,- 31. I)., Physician and Surgeon. FORTOEOVE, - - - - 0EEG0N OrTICE At iho Drncr Store. H t'lSIDENCE Comer Second Block south of the Unci Store. t m-liiy Gro TI. Durham. IT. Y. Trro?rP3rx l'il,tJ Attorney. Durham & Thompsor, A TTO It N-E YS-AT-L A W No. 10'.) Tirst Street. PORTLAND, - - OliEn.')N, BALKJCJU KTOTT. BALL. & STOTT, A T 8 R X E t S -AT- I. A V, . rATEXTS 0UTMXKD. No. C Dekum's lUock, rORTLANP, C It EG ON. ns lj .lO-m CATLTX. B. KIT.I.IN Catlin & -Killin, j Tonxi: 1 S A AT) COUXSELOtt , . AT LAW. f ..-"if- m ;" iUektim' Baildiflg, First Street, ""PORTLAND OREGON. - THOMAS H. TONGUE. , r Att-or ney -t-Law, CZZt't&h&u County. Oregtm, J-1 HUM PHRE YS. 0t!pfikJJnwnnra. Arwn taut collections jb.' BtttrfaesH entrusted to his care at. ft8ed to proroptly. OFFICE Court Hon n5:f DIGGS' PICNIC. Pott Mflftem. From tho IV'idc Rural Frews. "Hurrah, wife, we'll have a pic- hie," roared Mr. Biggs, as bedashed into the kitchen, where his wife was engaged in the delightful occupation of kneading bread. John Biggs did not stop here; ho grabbed his wife around the waist and, in spite of Iter struggles and remonstrances, commenced dancing up and down the culinary sanctuary. Kound and round lie went. Overwent the ta ble with the Hour and dough. Down went the dish-pan, and crash went the kettle oft" the stove. "lluirah, wife, we'll have a picnic," roared Mr. 13., heedless of the destruction he had caused. Hi 3 wife's remon strances grew louder ami louder, as ho continued dancing, much against ; her will. At last, she freed herself , . forcCm "Now, Mr. John Biggs, ' i do you behold the rnption and seat- terfusion you have been the cause j of." Mrs. Biggs was extremely fond j , . . . , , ,. , . , . 0 -. , , ever, always uso them correctly, "Aren't you ashamed on yourself?" she continued, "have you been and gone crazy? Have you no more re-I then, with a terrible ' rattle, and j ctry. She commenced as follows; j started slowly of, Mr. kne.- wished j ciyliiing ho could do. "Ahah!', cx-s-ect and ml-r.vhioit for vour .vlected crack iiii? of whip.;, and barkinj' of j "This glorious and enervating pre- to accompany him; but Biggs i cbimed the old fanner, "you skunk, spouse, than for to come and go and do it, as you have come and did it?" "O, never miud Sal; don't sco!d;T'vo arranged it all. JollC: nd I. The whole family of Joneses, and the whole family of Biggses nro to unite in felicitous union and to have a pic nic. Hurrah, wife, we'll have a pic- ; ni.., Hurrahf ,vifc. Aud John j Biggs was about to commence his jdiucing agan; but his wife con tempously threw the dish-rag at him. t This net so astonished that Worthy, that ho forgot his intent'on, and stared in blank surprise at his con temptuous spouse. "Wot!" he ex-1 )l.mr.l M,ilk T VO til T t arn kll o j picnic? Don't you waut t( to " j ..'o I ,ion't. Aren't vou aware that ' Anne Jat:e does not possess a dress lit for a picnic? Don't you know Win;..... T. Unnol 111. lb IIIIUIU XV IIU .lull IJIItUUCl J.-imes have not received a novel pair of boots for quite a period of exist-1 ence? No, of course not. You don't perceive j our affected spouse cing about the house in a moruin' v rapper, hile Sirs. Bontain piomu lates the streets in a silk dress.Theu vou come to thv domestic hearth and proposal o goin to a picnic. No, Mr. Biggs, esquire." She always called him Mr. B., esquire. "No picnic for the Bigges. No picnic for "us." "Whv, mv dear, what do vou mean? it wasonlv last Juno that I purchased a dress for you, and one j for Anne Jane; besides Sam James j and "Will John's bjots are plenty j good enough for a picnic." S say-j ing, 3lr. 15. turned on his heel, and left the hitchrnto his triumphal wife who firmly believed she had gained a decisive victory. In sjite of this opinion, two days after she was bus ily engaged in preparing the eata bles for the proposed picnic. The Joneses were to cnll for the Biggses at G a. on Thursday. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday went nlow lv bv. Wednesday uiglit, Mrs. Biggs staicl awake. She was sure they would all be late. She knew it. she felt it. At midnight she suc ceeded in rousing Mr. B., who was snoring vigorously, and informed him that it was six o'clock. "No, my dear; really now, it can't be six; whv. I've only crot to sleep." "Mr. Biggs, rpituiic, if there is one pre dicament I am uoted for more than ! another, it is tho faculty of correctly ; designating the proper time. I know it ift fcix, Mr. Biggs, estpiirc, and you must g. t up immediately." Biggs ! reluctantly scrambled out of bed, j rubbing his eyes, and proceeded to j don his clothes. He had nearly fin- glancing at his watch. He was just ly indignant, when ho discovered the hands to point at five minutes af ter twelve. Hastily disrobing him self he again ensconced himself be- I ueatu the bcd clolhw, ualtcrin j something about some people always knowing everything. Whereupon Mrs. B. took the opportunity to lec- ture him for half an hour on the "ir- reverent embodiment of the sterner j sex. An hour passed slowly- away; Mrs. B. was sure it was six again ! o'clock, again Mr. B. was certain it ! wasn't, again Mr. B. had to crawl reluctantly nut, again Mr. B. looked at the watch, and again he triumph antlv declared Mrs. B. to be mistak en. hjo it went on from hour to hour, till the fated five o'clock arrived. Then there was bustle in the hoase of the Biggses. Mrs. B. was sure they had forgotten something. Mr. B. busied himself in doing ever' thing. Will John had his hand in every basket. Anne Jano occupied herself in taking his lingers out again. Sam James followed his mother, plying her with question alter question. A quarter before six saw the large hamper and the two smaller baskets on the sidewalk, backed by the whole Biggs family. "My, what detained the Joneses sx long with the vehicle. They must have broke down. I know some- f thing has happened," assorted Mi I B.j when ten minutes bad passed. j The other five dragged slowly away, i dogs, mid shunts of .c hildren, and cries of neighbors, and hurrahs of; j Mr. Bigg?, the wngon turned the ; corner ana lr. Jones reu lace shouted out, "hall baboa'd for the. picnic." "Hurrah," replied Mr. Biggs. Mr. B. alwavs said "hurrah" on all oc casions. "How is the equilibrium of your constitution?" inquired Mrs. B. Soon the hamper was aboard. -Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Big,'s filled one sent. Biggs, Anne, J.in and the two Miss Jones beld anoth er, Leander Jones, Will John and Sam James occupied a third. "Ha:l icady? cued Mr. J. Hunah, replied Mr. 15., touching up the horses and away they went. "Hur - rah," again shouted Biggs. "Mr. Biggs, esquire, stop thot hilarods maimer of gestilation," cntrented Mis. BiiTirs. let him be,' re Jones. At this monstrated Mrs. moment Mr. J. dived suddenly un derneat the seat, and brought out a lnrge, black bottle. "Hero Biggs," he cried, raising the bottle, "here's something to cheer us up. Take n whittle." Mr. B. applied the mouth to bis lips and took quite a respecta ble Whiffle. Jones follov ed suit; but the ladies declined. On they vvent leaving the city slowly behind. Now thev vvero out in the open fields. As yet thoj' had j seen no place suitable for their pic nic grounds. "There's ha place," f tri'imphautly shouted Sirs. Jones, as j she caught sight of two little scrub- j trees in the distance. The rest of ; niainder of the party asked to be es the party objected, however, they j cused from their part. Mr. Jones wanted, as Mrs. Biggs aptly' said, j struggled to his feet, to deliver a "something a little more umbrage- j second toast. "Ladies hand gemau, ous." Along the road the wagon ; ladies and geman; young ladieshnnd went, around corners, on farther and geman on this hoceasion hou this farther. The sun was up pretty j hoc hon ban hoceasion like this high now. Everybody was hungry. Eres your very good ealth." In the excitement, the Joneses and "Bass the cake," roared the whole the Bigges had neglected to partake j of the necessary meal of breakfast, j At this moment, Mrs. Biggs caught j sight of Will John and Sanr James 1 as they were in the act of repeating I a depredation on tne large hamper of eatables. What was everybody's) horror to learn that the best pie, the j "Qhl Mr; Kiggs, esquire'scream pie which Mrs. Biggs had spent the ed Mrs. B., as that gentleman sat most time on the pie, in the making down in a custard pie. "I really of which she had 'most exerted her j beg your'pardon my dear madam," self, was all gone. The youngvil- j he exclaimed as he jumped up, put lains had consumed it every bit. tiug hia foot in a second pie. "There! Airs. 43iggs uoxea , their cars, and i they set up quite a respect ablejjoo- J boo. Just then a cry from , the two 1 Miss Jones attracted everybody's at-1 tention. The wagon had just turned j a corner, and here was a fit sp.t. "What a lovely- spot." said the Joneses in chorus. ."How romau- tic! How poetic! How secluded ! How airfulhj good!" A small stream ran between two large oak trees, that threw a delight- ful shade around. Tbs grass looked fresh and green. The shade ap peared inviting. The Ur was clear and limpid. The rote of the J party being taken, it was decided to stop here. Accordingly, out jumped Mr. Biggs off the table. At last , everybody. Out came the hampers. Joneo the elder, caught him by the Out came the baskets. Mr. B. and j feet, and with one pull jerked him Mr. J. selected a spot. -Soon the away back. What a Right. Every cloth was laid. Soon everything ! thing was ruined. Nothing was left was on : it. Soon they clustered j in the basket. No more eating. Kv nround it. Mrs. Biggs and Mrs. erybody was hungry. They hadn't Jones held the principal place among j half enough. Whnt should they do. the eatables, but their husbands oc- j The pepper had collided with the cupied the position of priority amidst the bottles. The two Miss Jones and Anne Jane rat carefully down on one side, while tho noisy young Bigges and Leander Jones were arranged on the other. "Hur rah," shouted John Biggs Sr., "pass the pickles." "Here's your health mam," he roared as he took a bite of pickle and quaffed a large glass of XX Stout. Each one was to give a toast. Mr. Jones followed next. "Here's lookin' hat ve Mrs. hand Miss Biggs, hand young Biggses." "Vol Mr. B. hi 'ope has ve vill'ave menny "appy hoccasions like the present bun," toasted Mrs. Jones. Mrs. B. could not resist tho temp tation to lire off her big words, and f to close with a scrap of original po- dicament is astronomisticated by n.c with exceeding circumlocution. I ni nee rely and devoutedly desire tbn.t when Hie novel year its beaming beams shall hare cast "Pass tne Sam James. san'wiges," roared "Hush," excitedly whimpered every one present. "Well, I wauts the san'wiges," reinonstratetl Sain James. They rere passed. Mr. B. pro ceeded, "As I was remarkin' when it shall have perforated Its beaming beams in juxtaposition, to thia felici tious event. I hop I hope 1 sincerely desire to to be present. Throng the perfumed stmoHpheric air, e t & 1 1 ' 1 a . . . a TLroIl;h these Kr;miilKiuent ikr mr.je.tic. j we are delighted with our picmc. ! "Hurrah roared Mr. Biggs. "How J nice! How extremely beautiful!" J raurmured the two-Miss Jones. What ha sweet sentimen' " exclaimed Mrs. Jones, "l'usi tho chocae," shouted Mr. J. The eldest Miss Jones had just come from boarding-achool and toasted as follows. "It is with much palpitation that I ascend to address mysetf to this assemblage piesent; but, as the poet has ably -expressed it, 'needs niugt" hen "somebody drives.' I hope tho revolving plan ets will be able in conipor mentis to gaze composedly on us at this same time next jear." "Very good. Hurrah!" exclaimed Mr. Bi"-'s. But Mrs. B. was a little t r?n bit jealous, as she 'imagined the last toaster was "forcibly engulatiug her peculiar propose men t." Tho re- Iwys side, in one breath. "Pickles, pickles, pickles," shouted Mr.Biggs. "Please to be so kind condescend- ;ng and obliging to expediate the movements of tho sandwiches in this j direction," simpered the eldest Miss lones. there vou go again. Goodness me i all - iny. pies ate gomg. M'shall faint, 1 know I shall. . Bi jgs, esquire, you're a brute a godd-for-nothing brute." Mr. Jones caught the pie- smasher by , the. coat-tails and at i i a i " j-L- ' ufiuutru 10 make uim sit iiown. j Biggs foot "slipped, and ciash he went at full lungth over the eatables. Squash sounded sausages, pickles, cheese, cakes, custard pies, cops, XX Stout, and a bottle of claret. Mrs. JB. scxetxaed and fainted. The two Miss Jones were knocked speechless. Mrs. J. didn't know what to - do. Will John roared. Sam James cried. Leander Jones attempted to drag jolly. Tho mustard had scattered over tho custard. The salt had seas- oned the large pie. The porter had soaked all o7cr the cako. The clar et had stained tho table-cloth. The pickles had, with great presenco of mind, jumped into a bowl of milk. The pies had perished nobly. Every thing was as flat as a pan-cake. All was spoilt. Naught was fwived. What should they do? By this time Mis. Biggs came suddenly to her senses. "A bright thought struck her. "Mr. B., esquire," rhe fcuid, "you unmanly brute, take that bas ket, and go over to that house, away down there, Mid purcha:) cuough condiments for the; assemblage." 1 With a humble air Mr. B. wvamblc-o ; to his feet, toolc she basket, and ; forbade. j n1Ue house was about two miles off ori tlie other tsicle of a Ijito orcliiitcl. Scrambling over tho fenc, Biggs walked pensively on. The sun was near tho zenith. It sent down its beams with fearful heat. Tho port ly Bigg waddled on leaving a pool of perspiration at every step. Soon he reached the house. In answer to his call a fat, buxom, country wife appeared, and in answer to his inquiry for 4 ' vittles," said, "she had eggs and bacon, and milk and bread, and apples." "O anything will do us,' no matter what it is Anything to fill up on." Theboskot was soon filled to overflowing. He paid her the necessary amount, and started for camp. "Look out for the bull near the bottom of the or chard," she shouted after him. "All right," he answered back. What did he care for bulls. He was a new man now. Ho had .a basket full of provisions. (Raw bacon, raw eggs and stale bread.) He was equal in fair fight to a dozen bulls, with that basket near him. Ho-v ho would lighten the picnicers' hearts when he got to. cam p. He, Mr John Biggs, of the city, what did ho care for any bovine animal. Ashe was walking on, musing thus, he showed himself to possess n particular regard forthat horned beast, for the next he heard h loud bellow ing and a terrible thun dering. "Great heavens! what's that':" he exclaimed rivinr? nn invo!. untary jump, knocking the basket I against a tree, which had the tfi'ctt of breading every rgg. How they streamed out of the basket. "Holy Jerusalem !' he yelled giving a sec ond jump. Ho looked behiuJ. He glanced back. Ho saw a cloud of dust making wilh all speed straight for him. He determined to tly, and go ho did. Away with all his might ho flew. On the bull came thunder- ing. Big s still clutched tho basket. How ho made his heels llv. But in vain, the enraged animal was "am ing on him every bound.1 What should ho do? "Qh! poor! Mrs. Biggs," he yelled,. "and all the little Biggses; what will become' of them. I'm.a gone man.' Hang old Jones and his picnic! I'vo been deluded and wheedled into this. Poor Biggs you Oh! Oh! Lord Oh !" ho cried as the bull nearly caught him, with his horns. Bang, crash went the basket, scattering apples, bread, ba con and broken egg shells nround everywhere. The bull stopped an instant. Now was Biggs ouly chance. Up a tree he must go, and up a tree i - ' ' l' . 'rii. ii i i ' no weui, wuu an me uasie possi Die. The tree was a small one; Biggs weighed two hundred. How that tree bent and nodded. He was sure it would break. Swing, swing, up and down wsat Bigjs. He was near ly ffightwid to death. Downtown, within an inch or two of those hated horns, then ap with a swing and down again. My, how hot the I sun was. Oh! what misery ho was in. Heaven help him, he was to be tho prey of an enraged bull at last. Then his bruised, mangled and torn body would be brought homo to his be reaved and Borrowing family.. Ho saw how they all would look overy one. For two mortal century hour. that bull staid there; 'thou . left a. suddenly as had come. But Biggs was afraid to come down. It might be n luf.o on tho part of the despic able animal. Ho sat. swinging on that tree for another half nn hour. In tho meantime the owner of tho field had caugnt sight of Biggs in his fruit tree, and had concluded , that Biggs was robbing his orchard, Seiz ing n gun loaded with salt and pep per, he crept blowly and cautiously toward the uiu'on.saiou Biggsv Tho fanner got very near. B. was auout to descend, when .tbe,owiiercaching n good sight of that worthy's rear, banged away. " Jerusalem! My God!" roared Biggs, ulap-head-ovcr-heels ho vvent out of the tree. Chuck! ho came. on the ground. Ho roared, j lie shouted, he Kicked, be swore; ho j swore over aain; in fact,, be. did ev- vou, I've clutched vou Mcalm of mv apple eh?" "Oh! no, good Mr.' far mer," remonstrated Biggs, holding on to his seat, and speaking with dif ficulty, "I nssuro yoa sir I hadn't tho smallest design against your fruit." "You lie!" roared tho Grang er. "YouVo a brute. Vou'ro 'no gentleman," ictorted the irafo Biggs. Thero is no telling what this would havo come to, the farmer was about to salt and pepper , Biggs once, when up came all the Joneses and all the Biggses. Mutual expla nation? followed. All was explained. As they stood there in a crowd,' talk ing together, suddenly tho farmer roared, here comes the bull. Git." Everybody got for all they knew how. How they ran. Tho Biggses and tho Joneses running for deal life. Now '" , they screamed jtirrd scrcctchcd. It was well the fence was so near, or the few hindmost umong whom was Biggs, might havo suffered. Such a ncrambjo pver the fence; and such congratulations tf ter each one was over; And such a scolding as Mr. B. undenveut. That night the Biggses and Joneses reached home tired, worn-out, hun gry and disgusted. They nil entered into .i solemn vow never to go t) on another, or even encourage a pic nic. Picnicj were, as Mrs. Bigg ably expressed it, "an ingenious pre dicament of concentrated ' and se questered embodiment of indigna tion and necessitous consternation." So ciuled the Biggs' picnic. HUMOROUS. Common pleas please shut tho door. , - , , r '. The sealo of good-breeding B natural. Home stretch tho stretch across tho maternal kneo. To make a man short try to ''bor row live dollars of him. J Wnisting sweetness putting 'your .It lit lUJUV l lUVil OIMU.IU. , As you, t cannot ayoid your own i company m iko it as -rood ns nossi- Lie. . ' . J " ! r' ...i.:. a 'a' L ..'L 4 iiviuJUis jmjjuj uvnui' tisiug to bo n blitcr which draws trado." , ... AVhat is it which ha n mouth and ' never peaks, mid a bed and juevei" sleeps? A liver. ' '.m i'-,t r..? Two'thiugfi m thi "world that fihould not be trifled-4 with-i-a wo man's opinion and tho business end of a wasp.- ' ' I A celebrated barrister was in : tho habit of saying, "I alw ays 'stud- the feaaibllih of n case before I under take it' ' ' ' " It is noted that all great humor ists are sober and sedate , with a mel ancholy cast of countenance. ' It' U rather, serious- business to W funny