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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (April 14, 1900)
NATURE. .a mother, when ibe day il o'er. fol) J 111 i. i I..., Intl. r-rol.l tn - iha UIUU ... ------ ----- - ,'illlnj "lf reluctant ,0 be ,ed B" . m. broken plaything on the l thtm ,brouh ,be open SooJ:. ,..ured snd comforted . Ues -f other, la their te, ' BT,h,lb more .pleudld. way -of ni.iM- hmi more v.ildf.l with M and tske. away ha uiie. uuil in UH iarP."B",k" iA'no ml M gently that we go . . .. i. if If U MM'U IU fcW v l jrtrc no""1" . "Sl'fctll of sleep to understand . ... thi- unKii""" -- dW "' ptdsWOrtB Longfellow. I T" I Aunt I'hebe s Mory. 00 ijl willing to confess thnt 1 would W,T uarrled Qua Wntors at a ru lie "as the wilt of young - irlrl llstlllCtlVl'iy I1KCS HIIII .... Perhaps this la not me aura or ttiu 1. 11 V IIIHIM. Vim .-. 1 . 1. . 1 I MX CI HI' 1. mil ----- . . . . . . ,.. mfj g 1 'IWMHD nnii "m"hij . .-ii .. . 1 11 ..mures, miner 11111. mm .11. nn,l B'lieD lie CUUH 10 oc IL " " made a good appearance, aim . 1 ill lutuiti'iir 1 1 It I hitf liu.k ill II I. HV a w. .1. mlrht DfL ffND 100111 DM or . .1- i li llll Ut'I M'lIU 11 HJIl . ... iMiniiiiil ri'Ktii'i'f. Oman ivw a- He bail ft CaiDli CODDoeut air, uu ,i -..-..ha himself concisely when i.i 1., iKxirt authoiit v. 1 hat urrur'i " wbat n woman llkes-to have a man ., ... .i.-ii u i 1 men finu not lie BBBI IV ' j -.1,1.. rr, .111 Ills miriH.se or make Tim BMW . . - alitake. lie wns a good talker, with tw. coy humor, uot putting himself 1 i... '1111114 111? tint 'M si v in hi till owu. Like most strung men, ... 1 I'll r f 1 nut, ukt to a 11 i;u ie . l i..u ..I lnra li.' Iitiil lilti .. - (..-.i.-ufY ntii-..ii 11 1 ira HUKI Ul lintn. -..ivvuaa.,-.... Ifj, I will admit I would have mar- .i.:nhnd l.e asked me, though 1 did ..... .... In lnia nltl mu tw.r IUIUK HfJ "iirj iw .u mv flth Win. I did not believe he would .11 J....I, in liwm with ntivnno. IVrUaps 1 wns too reserved, or feared m .1... ililitil 1 IMft NaMli n linluuai It .a. m elfut 11 ..' 1 . tttlior crlrln tin til j cuv" " ttrew tuyM'lf nt his head, aud was .1- ...-ill ii'hon V.o , 1 . , 1 . , t . -. I I T I 111 U I I in U - 1 1 1 1 lii Ti-iwln I (.1 inr n . f 1 1 iu 1 ui 1 1 iv.- 11 uu-. ....v. ...n.. m irrs. nun 11 1 n bui umuwviu 1 rpt.... la n,i ilnrtflnil tllflt I I t . t - .uMImi.1 .,-1 nit1 ..ill- DiHt I Tl.l VB TI'HJk illHMH 11111 111 IV ' .11' .. Lt- 14 .1. - ...I - a !... 11.1 I . ..,..1 I ..lit V 1 U 1 1 L II It'll II III lit 'i 11 11 VI HVI 11 M beauty hides a great many defects pUIClCTi linn 11 a gin omj pi-eieuu iiuu ami oj iiifuinvviv --..j. to pobsess all the augellc qual- im(inv Rnhart Cnrnpiitpr nskeil me turry umi. lie proposeu in a niim ni i' 1 in inn ink i uu ni in i iki1 1 Mmielf, aud whether I said yes or 1 do not now recollect hut he weut CI1 ran nerehieil lnver. nun i nail a t iv 1 I'll 11 .'iwiiv in n ion. 11111 e- wMlier to ui'iir It or It rr I don't tlilnk I expected that Gus hottt-rt k r v:i He il hi not nt nnv Ti l luiti I unit lilin In. ult.11.lt. uu I.I- "well, Utile girl, so you are engaged I nu!ilir Hit u n e.w.. fi.lli.tf K111 a little lomrer." "An uamment does not mean tnnr- p." I replied, somewhat sharply. "No. but I think it omzht. It keens V IIHMU' IIU'll HtPII ir it fi (.." in- "Perhaps the girl's heart has little to ft'ltll t III mtlfliif IWill-llil.iru Ulin Imu I 1-1 V t 1 ' . UUC IIUO ronilder other things." m. 1 suppose so. But the heart Is Thl. i -1. ..Mo iii.iiui uu mill wmm biiiu . ... ni in. 11 v.un 11s jeni- . r ... .. . ... -- . 1U VII. VI VIIC- IIPI IUI 111 uu v.,- .11.1 . . .. . . ... . - ..... DAnn.i il( iiiuuii fcuri" Robert wns Impatient to be married. Ill UU UM II III' Ul IH'lim u. , ..r ..... .1 .... -. w. nut ii-v-iiruv'Ullllg 11 IK uv childishly. 1 fouud Robert's at- ... ,i, i.i.i, n-. lt iijijjui ; Hlllll uuiii nt v-uruii ot uma 01 ... rai mis 1b H IIUUUUI BXIIWI 10 Link I". ...... ...1 ... . lilin II I U IU. n-iTi'i Huiuiraiion ror U.yps-that I held him off honing ould dime forward ns a suitor. Wed, an a tlnal rebuke, that he HbiiU t...i- i a i ... ..v . i unc uuu ucvu married dv ii. . n . . m.Uir. nr siiuweu me a paper i.i.i i i in .-. i in .... until... i in i H-o.. - --iiiiu.i ii i me accusation mat lr I told bin the engagement be- - ..us uroKen. men lie began w fl,r himself, exnressluu such U IT n t ' i . - nasty words tliat gradu- I . . nclitl,. i ... . ., " '' last i agreed to mar S'B at once. It was lippomln the -u plan a m f lnrvmnl nnil m th . . .. usi' i ii iiiiiuiriiv or a ".'111.111. ill iimio r i-nnopnlpil "J hlln tliP noil Hn. "Tt departed 1 looked for paper containing the notice, , 01,1 u"t tlnd It. He hod had sev- n l,u i . . . UtB . 111 I. tit .l.A ..n.l.l ""taken with him. I fin nut Irnnw e..Mii,si me to write a note of '"""""1 to Gus and dispatch It ' "rother Neil, n InH r.t 12 I "ury Qt Vln NPPll tlm nntl.-o In PIer. nti.l said i wag go n-j. ue uaj .iiii-ii m nip .uer iuo-clock. and I retired J room, iinif on i i . . . "U'ng UDstnlra llo .i.....i .i M - - DU I I.U M. uoor. M Vnn r. ...... .... . . . - f-i- . .ii. n l- .... r r. .... dOWnstnlr. XI a n.mp - -uu in." ue Winn" .uis rn ..u t m n.i t ... - - ' daT. PrnhllltlT triint. tn ' -r nver. I Bui. - atk tUm." a I went down, ne didn't want to tior row anything. (m ,lt. VMXrnrs Im. wanted DM to give him aoiuethlng t., keep-tuy huud. my teart. Uv wild the notice of hi being married wna a eon founded fraud-that Itoliert rr.ut have had It lOJarttd In a few . t. .,r ii. paper b iptdal agreement-it could he done If one uim wllllug to pnv for It ue nils in on ih .... i r t Bind, and I hardly knew my tjgnaJ pin ' lil (ills. Of eourse, when you were engaged Robert, It wns uot for me to muL.. any nttempt to win you. I thought ..u knew your own mind, nml bad dci(M that I was not the sort of fellow yon 'a red to marry. But this iri.-k arlvaa n right to siienk. A III I Inn lull.'" Naturally. I told bin bi wns Thnt he hnd cured for im. In tlmi ...... i... to DM I ir ought to have coma forward long is-- Now that my word wns ulleliti-.l Robert, and l could not think of 'liking It, though he hnd acted In a most despicable manner. In n manner make me nshamed lo think he was my plighted lover-and so on. To which (ins replied: "All right, little girl. If yon think so. I hnd Is-tter go and give bin the trOMl licking he ever had In his life, oven though they do send me to Jnil for It. But you won't cine." "I shall enre." "Then we'd better get uinrrled nt once, early to morrow morning. Mow early enn you be ready";" I ought to have resisted longer, but I CL4YTON.BULWER TREATY. III. tor j. if Uirl .mi,, it Hctween I nllecl ttaaw tad iirci BHtaUa. The 'Clayton Uulwer treaty" derive Its name from the dlploiuntlat who negotiated tt u I l,e ( tu t of the United Htute.. Hon Johu M Clayton. Secre tary of 8tute lu l'rel.leut Taylor ad miuUirutli u. uud on the part of Kng laud. Sir Benri llulwer. lint t.li in,u.a ter at Washington The "treaty"-to to use proper diplomatic language It wm a "eouveuilou." and uot a Irentf -wa concluded lu UM In purpose wna to promote the building of an Isthmian canal, to connect the Atlantic mid 1'iullli Occ.ius. lu UHU the Uulled suite hud DMde a convention aritb Klcaragni for eoDairoctlDg such a i anal. ItartlOg 81 liicttnuu. on tin- At hmtle. But Crcytouu nil occtlplid by British aettieis. ami Ureal Britain claimed a protectorate over the Mo, iuito Indiana, nrno bald the re stern coast of Nicaragua. The United states dcslicd tin at I'.riiuiu lo waive us claims, but n the request was denied the next he-1 thing seeltlell In be Ihe aatabllabneui of a Jolui proleetorair over the propoeed cannl This as done by the "I'l.tyioii Rnlwet tiealy." one condition of which was thai Drttbef power should secure eNcluslve pilvll eges III die canal ami Niioiher thai Dettber power should occupy or exer rise donla ovar any pari ot Central America Since the convention was UMdt, and 0 V n - u . -- j I y.OSTA RICA y n lueiiclils rtytowa TERRITORY INVOLVED IN CLAYTON -RULWBR TRBATT. didn't. I consented to be ready at nny hour that he should name and 1 was and we were married. Aud that is all there Is to the story. HAVE SAME SUPERSTITION. Ulunilcrs Fifteen Thousand Miles Apurt Beltete in Bell spirit. Thllosophlc people who belong to the folk lore society are foud of tracing legends aud myths aud customs all over the world. Cinderella, the dear girl, Is found In one kuows not how many peoples, speaking Innumerable tongues and believing an equal number of religious. How did Cinderella be come ubiquitous? The transactions of the Folk Lore Society will perhaps offer a theory. Now, there has been unraveled a curi ous superstition common to Shetluud ers and Singhalese. How Islanders so wide apart-some lo.tsJO uilles-tuan-aged to adopt each other's views one does not know. But here Is the fact. The rice cultivators of Ceylon and the fishermen of Shetland resemble each other In one or two rather remarkable points. They refrain from speaking of the Implements of their calling by their unities; they call them something else, by names known only lo themselves. The reason Is that If the evil spirit were to think that they were speaking of spndes and rakes or of nets and hooks he would be tempted to damage them, or even to appropriate them. The train of thought Is the same with both rnces. "There Is an evil spirit always on the lookout for opportunities of doing mischief. He even hears what we say. If we let him understand that we are tnlklng about our Implements nnd tools we shall direct his attention to them and shall suggest to him a way of doing an Injury. Therefore, we will ngree to cnll a lioat or a spade by some fancy name known only to ourselves." Another custom of the Shetlander, not possible to the rice grower. Is that If In fishing his net catches something at the bottom and a stone Is brought up It Is not to lie thrown back again for fear of offending the evil spirit, who most certainly put It Into the net. It Is to be kept In the boat until the net again catches. Then It Is to be dropped In the water with the words: "Take your own and give me mine," whereupon the net Is at once relensed. Now, If the Singhalese were to turn fisher, would he, following the same line cf thought, adopt a similar cus tom T-rittsburg Dispatch. hiuli- Itlte In India. Fully twenty thousand of the popu lation of India are annually killed by snake bites. The most deadly of ill Indian reptiles appears to be the cobra dl capello, which Is greatly dreaded by ho hore-leceed Hindoos. With a view to reducing the mortality, the govern ment tried the effect of offering 4 re -.r,l for snakes' heads; but. Insten.1 of diminishing the number of these rep tiles. It only Increased It. ns It was dis covered that the natives were breeding the snakes In order to secure the re ward. Origin of Hnrrah. xc i Snratley thinks there can be no doubt that the Egyptian soldiers in ancient times went Into me name io the Inspiring cheer of the "Moo Ka BOOaUl BOO RoP And If the average questioning man asks why. he replies with this: "Because Hoo Ila (In the tongue of the Tbotmes and the lla mt'sesi means 'the King! the King! the King!' " When a man despises the community In which be lives, the community la not at fault, but there la aomelUlug wrong witb the man. especially during tho last few years, the building of an Isthmian anal hns become Increasingly Impottaut to the Tutted Stutes; but It Is Important nlso that the canal should be uuder ihe sole coutrol of the L'ulted Stales. This could not be while the convention was In force. It has beeu sometimes suggested, but never formally Insisted upon iu diplomatic correspondence, that Ureal Brltuiu bus vloluted the couveutlou by coutluulug to exercise dominion over British Houdurus. So long as Ureat Britain did not tuke this view of the matter, awkward questions might arise after the cnunl should be constructed. The recent Hay -l'auneefote pact, nbrogutlng the Cluytou-Bulwer trenty. provides for a neutral channel. This Instrument leaves the L'ulted Stutes free to build and coutrol a canal, which Is not to be fortified, but to be kept al ways open nnd neutral, under the rules which govern the management of the Suez Canal. Opponents of the measure claim that It admits all the dangerous fentures of the Clayton-Bui wer treaty without compensating advantages, and that, as usual, F.nglnnd concedes what she does not hold to obtain what she wants, but ennnot get nigh PrioadL The most expensive material workco. Into a garmeut wus the gold brocade purchased In 1070 for a robe for King Louis XIV., at a cost of about $.S5 a yard. Not long ugo, however, the Ger nnn Empress had a coverlet woven In white silk upon a flat background, on which flowers, leaves and birds project ed In relief. The design was not em broidered, but woven lu a unique way. The Empress was so pleased with It that she employed It as a tapestry for her boudoir. The cost of this material was $112 a yard, of which tho weaver got one sixth. Illlni! People. So far as the most recent statistics go. the known proportion of blind peo ple Is about one In fifteen hundred, which would give n total of oue million bllud In the world. The largest propor tion Is found In itussla, which has In Europe 'JinMKM) blind In a population of 90,000,000, or oue In 4.H0. Most of these are found In the northern prov inces of Finland, am) the principal cause Is ophthalmia, due to bad ventila tion of the huts of the peasantry and the Inadequate fncllltles for treatment, There Is n grent denl of blindness lo Egypt, due to glowing sand. gohool lor Scandal Cloned. Springfield, ,Mo women bnve organ ized a "don't spenk evil" society, each member signing tills agreement: "I do hereby solemnly pledge my word to spenk no evil of any woman, whether such report Is- true or not Any viola tion of this pledge, however, does uot release me from Its subsequent obliga tions, which are to continue for all tine to come." This Is Interpreted to mean: "If at first you don't succeed, try. try again." Largest tieyser In the World. The largest geyser In the world is the Excelsior geyser lu Yellowstone I'ark. Ita basin Is 200 feet across and XH) feet deep. The basin Is full of boiling water, from which clouds of steam are constantly ascending. At long Interval- wnter Is spouted Into the air to a balgbl of from fifty to 300 feet Britain In America. British landlords are said to own 20, i..i acres of land lo the United States, an ana larger than that of Ireland. Making other folks miserable Is the oue i-ujo.vuieut of the cliroulc dyspeptic SINGING OF INSECTS. JAPAN THE ONLY COUNTRY WHERE IT IS APPRECI A ffcD. Thrr the Tln I'd., In Their gmsjalait llsmb.io QagOOi Mtfkt- tin l.vrnniu Air Vocal with Their Little Cleat nod tlell-Like CftOOi Singing birds are prized in nil eotlfl tries, but It Is only In JgpM that ihe note of Insect have been appreciated mid the insects nuiucd rii cording to their different totoao, Tne love ot lis tening to these singing lliircts has for centuries beOO an Impassioned pastime In Japan, and has created at last a unique trade nnd market. Iu Toklo toward the end of May little cages of exquisitely cut liaintHMi Inav he seen hung up in the verandas of houses, and In the cool of the dawn gnd at the close of summer days si range little w hlstlc. and tliikllugs. aud trills proceed from these cages and make the air resound with the music. Fllsall) it Is iu the evening after their baths that the peo ple go and sit lu their veramlas to lis ten to the slnglug Insects which they have Inprtaoned there. It was late one afternoon toward the end of May. nnd I was moving from r i, to room lu the quiet Buddhist temple which Is my home. The hush thut comes at the fall of twilight wns on all the world, when my attention wai suddenly ar reslisl by a silvery trill, which tilled at Intervals the whole place. It wns delicate nnd clear, like an etheroallsed bird's song, mid vet of much smaller volume (DM a bird's note. I called the prleat'a daughter and asked her what It wus 1 heard singing "That Is a 'simi iniishi' singing," she replied; "come mid I will show you where II is." She led ne to the back Of UM temple and pointed to the caves of a cottage opposite. I. miking across. I saw a tiny reed cage banging up. and In one cor ner a .mail black Insect, hardly dis cernible iu the dim light. "That Is the Insect you beard singing," said the priest's daughter, "it Is culled a "sii7.il nnahj,' and Its void- Is beautiful and cool." In three days the next tn-nichl of Mlta came round May 24; and Klyo, the priest's daughter, accompanied by a servant and myself, Wettded her way with n lantern to the night fair at Mint. The whole neighborhood seemed to have turned out to visit the fair, mid the cheerful chiller of clogs appeared to lessen the gloom of the dark streets and made up for their want of light In the distance the dull glow of hun dred! of primitive oil lamps put up In front of the stalls set their smoky mark on tne place where the fair was held. We passed Innumerable stnlls, which I shall not nttempt to describe here, ns well as strange portable gardens of plants, trees nnd flowers, and goldfish nurseries. At Inst we cnine to a stall from which proceeded n shrill babel of Insect sounds. Needless to say, It was Impossible to distinguish one Insect's cry from another, for they all seemed to be chirping, and whistling, and trill ing, one against the other, In a frantic mid bewildering way, so thnt 1 won dered how the "mushhlyn" could sit so calmly beneath ids stuii waiting for customers. There were so many enger purchas ers crowding round the little stall thut I gave up the Idea of buying the Insect I wanted that evening. The Insect fan cier gave me his address, mid next morning I made my way through many back streets to Ills dwelling. It was the never-to-be-forgotten chorus of In sects thut guided me at last down a little buck bine to the spot at the end of a row of one-roomed cota. The cup. boardl full of Insects, all shut up In their cages, were there, and the old man, opening one of the doors, soon found ne a "auau-nuahl" for four sen. and a pretty cage for It In the shape of n fan for 10 sen, or threepence In English money. He told me that I must not hang the Insect up In the draught, bill In some cool, quiet corner, nnd that, furthermore, It must ! fed on fresh encumber every morning, I promised (o follow Ills Instructions carefully, and, carrying home my In sect, hung him up In a corner of my room and walled for the serenade. But for two days the 'simi niushl' was quite silent. In vain I put In slice nfier sll if cucumber; In vain I whistled nnd trilled myself nt the bars of ids tiny cage. He remained mute. In despair, I culled for the priest's wife. "What Is the mailer with this Insect? It won't sing to me!" she beard me complain. "Be patient," she answered. "The 'suru-mushl" Is In a new cage, nud will not slug till It Is accustomed to Its new surroundings. It fee Is full of feur and cannot sing. Wait a little." So I waited, and the next evening, when the cage was hung up. the little creature liegnn to sing merrily, tinkling away like a tiny ball, as Its name im plies. Wide World Magazine. really departed, nnd taken away with' It for ins.i ull Ihe color., leaving tie blud only the rudimentary a.plrutlouj already hinted, aud the tunny tcurlel and blue of chivalry', lust rctiimiut the r.rmy and the navy? Indeed, thl i a steel-gray age. lt tuny be that the practicality of modern tiiii-s render bright color in one's at tire inconsistent but 1 cannot believe thnt such uu excess iii renunciation will persist The next transition must certainly he to color, and will the uew Colot ! a sort of purple? Evening tires Is (lie most absolute negation of color conceivable As now I nUMOJi OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. worn II ha not n relief, even Of tex ture, anywhere If we except the llk coat collar, and even that hardly counts. The w hole outfit Is dead black mid dead white. Hue does Hot even wear a watch chain, though gold has always been hitherto until (he forma t loll of tills last couveutlou, that Is -uu allowable relief to a man's dress. The comely fashion of fob chains seems to have pass, si. F.vcn the stud or studs lu the shirt from arc Just now "gisid form" when they lire of the lit most plainness. We will return to color through the evening dress suit. In u few years our smartest men wll! be wearing In the evening clothes of n deep shade of purple, and then next will come til,, evening wnlstcoat, bro caded lu delicate colors. What other forms of color will come into ihe Inev itable reaction I dure not predict, but It will require the courage of some of our snrtorini command en to lend us out of this presetil black and steel gray age. Odd, I'urioa mid IsMgbaMe l'hne of Uuuiiu Nature llraphlolly for traced by hmlucnl W urd Arllat uf Oar Own Dm. A lludv! of Vuav. "I wish we was all over In Ktinber ley." said Utile Willie. "Why?" hi mamma asked "I board papa rending hist night that bread cost nearly half a dollar u loaf there, so I guess they wouldn't try to keep a person from filling up on cuke!" Baltimore Times. Mexican BareaaMt La Qaceta, n paper published In Quedalajare, Mexico, part In English and part In Spanish, prints lu it promt1 nenl place ihe follow ingi A CARD, win ihe gentleman who embraced my wife nt the entrance to the poet Ofdce about !l o'clock Thursday evening please send me his photograph for my album of heroes? He will greatly Oblige. J. L "A r.iplllur Heir." In Mnnrnlne. "What! hack again T exclaimed the yoong housekeeper, "you can't expect me to give you cake every day." "No. lady," replied the poor beggar, "I thought nay Da you had an old anlt of black clothes you might give me. Me poor ole mother eat the cake you get me yestld'y." I'hlhidvlphla l'rei. The Optimistic Mew. "You're a shocking sight! He broke your nose, didn't he?" "Yes, but If he had struck me an Inch higher and a little to the right or left he would have broken my eve glasses, and that would have been J2 5o."-Chicago Tribune. A STEEL-GRAY AGE. Men Would Wear llrlBht Colore If Kushlon Permitted. Although the modish DMD wulk In sober attire, they secretly long to wear ail sorts of bright colors. The avidity of young men for fancy dress balls prompts such a conjecture. You meet four toreadors for every Quixote, and for the customary IU tl of solemn black of each Hamlet, encounter at hast three times a Ton. batone in bright mot ley. Don Onar do Kazan will liuunt his colors where the solier livery of Buy Bias Is sought In tain; and even the devil Is not us rod as he's painted In these gay aaaombl ea, when- Ifephla topbelee is sure to walk In the acnrlel of Sir Henry's choice, rather than In the black of old tradition. The "pink" of the chase and of hunt balls; the gay regimen taia of arnj men. ami even the nUlRa; tartan, kilt red golf Jackets ami erstwhile the blaaeTf now diauaed on the water, are all examples of a bidden procllrlty In men for colors, from which they bate allowed them selves to be deharnsl by a mere con veiitlon. Not in gray steel, or ribbon braided black, did our forefathers, even our grand and great grandfather drink, aud dunce, and dice. It was M cloak of dark cloth that Raleigh laid In the mud for Ellzats-th's foot "Wher ever men have bs-u noble," Mr. Buskin says, "they have alwaya loved bright colors." Can It lie said that tne age of chivalry, aa Bujke ptvclaimed, baa Pouitney Rlgetow'l admiration for the Kaiser Is well known, due person, however, who recently tried to Joke with him about It did Hot get off nil hurt "You remind ne " began Mr, Bigelow. "Not of the German Em peror!" crhsl the person addfeOBOd "No," wns the reply, "the Kaiser is a gentleman." At nu entertainment In Edinburgh. Just as the Boer wur broke out. -lie audience slopped the performance to sing the national anthem No fur this was all right but mora followed. A tew hot headed spirits caught sight of n uniform, aud the wearer, despite his protests, was seized mid carried around the building. When he regained terra llrmu some one asked him for the name of his regiment his uniform not be og familiar. "Reglmcntl" wns the sur prised reply; "man, 1 am the doorkeep er. What's gaon ft rang wi' ye n'v" The other patrons of the fashionable reetauranl Mi sure the two nt the cor ner table were from the rural districts. Vigorously they w ielded knife and fork very little fork but much knife. At last the way III which the son spread his elbows Interfered With the fne pluy of the father, nml brought nboiit a rebuke from the old man. "Look a-here, Jefferson." snhF the fnther. sternly, "ilrnw lu them elbows nnd eat In a mirror circle. Ain't your mar ever told you It wam't polite to shove oth ers with your elbows when you dine out? it is powerful bad manners to make your old father cut his mouth at table." In n certain Philadelphia store there Is n young aalatanl bookkeeper. He Is a steady chap, minds his own business, nnd ns shrewd us they make them. The other day the senior partner of the Arm, who seldom comes around, made a tour of inspection, uud. as he ap proached the iisslstuiit bookkeeper he noticed the solemu expression mi his fin e. Dealrlng to be genial, he said: "How are you, young man! i see you lire nt your work. Thut Is good. Close attention to business will always bring Its own reward. Tell me. What are you earning now per week?" The yoUUg mini, without a moment's hesitation, answered: "Twenty dollars, sir; but 1 only get half of thut" Once, when Gen. Butler wns In Con gress, lie rose In Ills place and gently Insinuated that (he member who was occupying the flisir was transgressing the limit of debate. "Why, general, ' said the member In reproachful tones, "you divided your time with me." "1 kuow I did," rejoined the grim old warrior; "but I did not divide eternity with you." Ou another oceaslou Butler wns n member of n pollticnl conven tion in which u distinguished Unitarian divine sat as a delegnte. While the subject of candidates was being ills cussed this clergyman announced that If a certain Domination was made he would bolt It. "Very likely," lltitler blurted out; "you are good at Isiltlng: In your religion you bolt two thirds of the Trinity." The wee small hours found Dr. C. 8. Muscroft the other night says the Cin cinnati Inquirer, creeping up his own stairs with his shoos In his hand. Of course, those shoes had to drop when he was almost at the top binding, and bumped nil the way down. The doctor held his breath, but soon a disir opened aiiove and a sleepy voice Inquired: "Is that you, Charlie?" "Yes, my dear," lie answered. "Where on earth have you been so inter" "h, just -just down town on a little business," was the re ply. "What time Is It?" "Just twelve o'clock." Muscroft waa about to breathe easily nin e more and go on up lo bed, when a cold chill crept up hi back as the cuckoo clock In the hull opened up for bualneaa. "I hnd to uud still," snld be afterward, "and cuckoo nine times to uiuke good, it was three o'clock." The World Suicides. The number of suicides throughout the world is 140,000 yearly, and Is on the increase. The greatest number happen In June, the fewest In Septem ber; and nearly one half between (J a. m. and noon. A woman feels thnt she ha reason to retire mid shake hands with herself If the dishes she serves to company huve unpronounceable names. When a woman loses all Interest lu fashions It la time to auuouuctt uar funeraL A DUtlnsnUlied l liurncter "That's uu Imposing looking woman over lu the corner." "Yes; she's the president of n parrot club." Chicago Record, Cauttoa, "Y'outig nan," aald Uncle Jerry Pee ties, "how do you pronounce that?" "Tabbledy hole, sir," replied the waiter, u rwont Importation from Bkedunk. "Correct," rejoined i'ncle Jerry, nod ding his approval. "Bring ne that." chicngo Tribune. Wh.it n I'nlutiible Hi. Ill "Will you have oysters?" nsked the man. glancing over the bill of fare. "Yes," said the short little woman, as he tried ill vain to touch the floor with her toes. "And, John, 1 want n has ock." John noddiil. ami. as he handed his order lo the waller, he Midi "Yes, and tiring a hassock for the ludy." "One huieorkf nsked tne waiter, with what John thought more than or dinary Interest, ns he nodded In the afflrmatlte. sun the waiter did not go. but brushed the table cloth with a towel and rearranged the articlea on it Mteral times, while his face got eery red. Then he came around to John's side, ml, .peaking sotto voce, said: "Say, mister, I haven't been here long, and I'm not up to all these things. Will Ihe lady have the hassock broiled or fried?" Youth Never Kelurii. Her Father You are too young to mnrry. Wult nnd you will get over thl love. Herself Thnt Is what I am afraid of. - ludlannHill l'ress. Trying to Penre Iter. "Mu. our old cat likes a Joke." "What uiukes you think so, Jimmy?" "'Cause, when she ketches a mouse he alius brings II to you." Indhiunpo lls Journal. Sirs n e. 1'ndertaker How's business? Shoemaker So, so. How's yours? Undertaker Dead, Ties thut Hind. "I thought you and Dorlnda were perfectly Inseparable.' "We wen-, lint don't you know It was Just a society friendship." lu dliinapolls Journal. Hellet Illaiirmament. "The Transvaal war Is full of sur prlaoa," "Thai's so. Whenever I try to talk about It I run ugnlnst somebody who ha read more about It than 1 have." Indianapolis Journal. Strategy. "Oh. mamma!" exclaimed little Ar thur, all out of breath, "I've Just I n playing with the Goodwill children, and they huve the measles at their home. Now can I eat all the cake I want to? 'Cause you know I'm going to be sick anyway."- Chicago Tribune. Proof Wauled. "I could die for love of you!" said the rich old suitor. "Yes; but would you?" queried the practical maid. Chicago News. Another Change f.lkely. Miss Breezy I see she's married gain. Miss falkealdn Tea; thla la her sev enth, and 1 don't think she cure very much fur him. Mlsa Breezy-No? Mlsa lakeside- No. I was at Die en graver'a to-dny when she left her or der for her new visiting cards. She aoly ordered fifty. l'UUadelphla 1'reaa. And Incompatibility, "You want n divorce from your hus band, madam? tin what ground.'" "Exces.lv e cruelly, lie abuse I'ldo.'' Chicago Tribune. "Thr A l.sent-Minded BeaSur." First beggar III, there, pal. you've got y'r signs mixed this morn. if . Second ditto What s w rung w Id 'em? "Wrong? Why. Jon chump, thut card says 'Bllud.' You're deaf 'u' dumb." Philadelphia Bulletin. Quantity Rathei than v.in.iiiiv. "Why do you think lu Isu t much of a criminal law y,r?" "He completed Ills speech III Ihren hour, when he might Ju.t as well have strung It out for as many day and add ed several hundred dollurs In hi bill." - Chicago 1'ost. Willing to toot- Heraalf. "There Is one thing can Is.' truly said of Miss Uglcr; she Is self po.se. sod." True, but I'll bet you she wishes she w ii.u t. " Boaton ( iourler, A Imrut-M tinted. Wlckwlre Look here! This Is the fourth time this morning you have been In here asking for the price of a meal. Dismal Dawson Yep. I am the alt sent minded beggar, don't ye know.- Indianapolis l'ress. Ills Worda I'mia True. He To prove the sincerity of my In tentions. I have brought this solitaire adornment for your engagement linger. SIk- 1 must say, my friend, thnt your pOCCh has the true ring. Huston Courier. The Seasoning. Mr. Tenderfoot - This lienr meat seems very highly spiced. Cactus Charley- It ought to lie, pnrd ner. Tliut's a rluniimon bear steak. Baltimore American. A Game of Checker. I Mr. Ithirkbourd: Dnr oughter b some guine lu dlsher log. 2 Bonn There Is! The gnme It clus kers, nnd It's your move. Of m Truth. "Seven dollurs and fifty cents for a hook like Hull!" exclaimed Ihe young mull, pulltlng his purse buck In his pOCket "Why, Hint costs like sill." "My young friend," suld Ihe elderly book agent, "there is nothing that coata like sin." Chicngo Tribune. I hi-1 1'.. If Htut binary. "Y'es, your highness," suld the aide, "ami shall I pout this proclamation lu a conspicuous place?" "No," replied Agullialdo, "you'd bet ter have enough copies printed to give one to each mini, so Hint ull who run may read." Philadelphia l'ress, Thr Roaadaboai wy. "TOO bnve three brothers, haven't you?" he Inquired. "Yes," she answered. "Why?" "Oil, I wus Just wondering If you would like to make me ii fourth." "I'm very sorry," she replied, "but I win be a wife to you."-'Philadelphia North American. Neitl Miss Goldrox You didn't si em to have in iich regard for Count Spaghetti. What do you know of him? Mr. Pepprey Nothing of my peraonnl knowledge, but some of my friends used to know him quite well. Miss Goldrox Then you uever met bin before? Mr. Pepprey Oh, DO, I've nlwnys abated myself. Philadelphia i' ImpoaNlble. "We enn be friends," she snld. softly. "Then we can never lie man and wife," be aniwered, dismuiiy. Phila delphia North Amerlcun. Would Brian Them All. "I cau't pay that bill now." "If you don't I'll tell nil your other credlturs thut you huve paid It" Kite Draw Nparka feUOB Snow. William A. Eddy, nt Buyouue, on a recent occasion made his first electric test In a blizzard, by sending aloft a six-foot single plane kite during thu heavy gale and dense snowfall, susUtlu lug lu this way a steel wire at a consid erable height So severe was the gale thut the kite was repeatedly borne down to within about fifty feet of the earth, but It nlwnys recovered Its kbI tlOO uloft The fulling snow dimmed the kite, but did not overweight It. At B p. in. the electric connection with tho steel wire was severed from the grounding rod, when the hissing sound of the brush discharge could be plainly heard, followed by a one-Inch spark. Mr. Eddy says that the electrical activ ity with the kite at so moderate an alti tude whs the greatest he has ever el- perlenced. it was us powerful as if thunderstorm were uear by. At the lime the steel wus paid out It was made to run through an Irou suaphisik teth ered by a chain to a rod driven Into the ground. This was doue by Mr. Eddy to lessen the dauger from severe clew trie shocks. - - o o