Eugene City OKTJSJ??
HA rUKDAY
I Kit 10
TO CORRESPONDENTS.
An Englishman with
T'lmn with
an Knghsb wife gt into a serious
altercation over the 8;uth African
war. For a time ih women stood
(or nationality, and against Ibor
. i ....i i- km I.,.,. (.,. fioht vn
The business department ot i -. " -
the WEEKLY GUARD la caused j fHt and furious o hinged base and
considerable trouble by corre- foaKht lik tigera for their respsc
lllSff USSttSi tive husbands. When the police got
letters referring to the ! the scene one of the men win un
per or Dusineja conn.www
r 7it i. THF .IIAHU.
Eugene, Oregon.
rvmaniriim wtiiln the women were
tearing at each other's hair ard
'clothing.
BessBBII Klw
II,.- OreROOiaD, not unexpect-
KKTLKl't HHAMK-
After the cabinet meeting at
Washington Friday the following
ill. i. Hi. -I, iu authorized: "'('he
idly, justifies the murder ot yov" preaideut and cabinet decides thai
aroor (Joebel, of Kentuoky. That dq n&1 yet aren to ju-tify the
L . lin I I it r a
,,;ipT vthh iwvr iuwwm, ... intervention o! the DMOOM o?
.A. ...I ; I . I r
VI. V riltl IM'i'Hlll" 'I" III'",
to
(.x-Hk a good word for a political
Opponent, living or dead, being
more vindictive if posible toward
the di. nl. U never finds a crime
tin dastardly to condone, if it is -r-M-tratiil
upon one who does not be
loea to ill DartI or li)ue. That
Hie attempt! murder of Goebel was
ernment in Kentucky, and has so
informed the governor." Home sig
nificance may attach to use of the
word "governor," inasmocb as
Taylor was the person to whom the
dispatch was forwarded. The use
of the word "yet" carries the Im
plication that the administration
would take a ban 1 under certain
. WUUIU IBIUI nun.
premeditated airir, concocted in j corj(HtiorjS It j, DOt impossible
the stale house, lio otm ooiim-.
Pooc Kentuekyl While a nor-
derer site, red 'banded, in her
s L.lilu t..m aaaaMaalaJ
Willi Vt rliiiir, ..muuig ' umm.,
: ... .. ,1 .ivil l.vv In r flririulll-
Ufinrl NN WfN pawwf o-
tion ih nearly as complete as that
of Oregon whose chief newspaper
hraienly and unblushingly palli
ates and defends the assassin's cow
ardly act,
uBITtt Tail OOUattU.
that Taylor has consulted Wash
ington in regard to the situation
and modes of procedure.
The attempted aesassi nation of
Governor Goebel places the rival
claimant, Taylor, in a dangerous
predicament.' Should Goebel die
Taylor would be discreet in claim
ing some other home thsn Ken
tucky. In that state feuds prevail,
and it is often a blow for a blowl
I l,c. f,.r t,f. At nraiutnt I iivliT
'III I III' mi - J
Governor iaylor holds the 'ort f . .
i IIIUII aaw w V
in the Kentucky oapiwi. no uin- , . A-taA
- .urruuuueu uy nwpo, i
not propoee 10 inae any
being ousted by the courts, evading
service of legal wriH issued then
from by military surveillance
, . I t tiit I'HI .ill. I mill the grounds con
nected therewith. Happily such, A sample or ill-timeu omctai in
wauton violation of the spirit ol , terferenoe comes from Astoria. The
nor free institutions is rare. Courts Columbia river lightship broke ner
to callers except most trusted
friends. Hut this state of affairs
cannot last long, and he will he
ure the organised arbiters of such
disputes, aod the BUI) who refuses
to submit to their orders is not
worthy of the executive position in
a great stale. It may 1 claimed
that the court- are partisan, and
would not do justice, but the man
who is nil willing to obey the Isw
and submit his claimB to judicial
arbitrament is not in a position to
make such a claim.
If wronged by the organized
c tartl he would have his day when
ngain allowed to appeal to the
great court the people.
THK 'IK UK MOSilOK UOCTillNK.
"In the wars ol the European
lowers, in matters relating to them
selves, we have never taken any
part, nor does it comiorl with our
interest to do so. With the
movements in Ibis hemisphere, we
are ol necessity more immediately
connected. We owe it,
therefore, to candor anil to the am
icablo relations existing between
the United States and these powers,
to declare that we should cousider
any attempt on their part to ex
tend their system to any portion of
this hemisphere as dangerous to
our peace and safely. With ihe
existing colonies or dependencies of
any Kuropean DOWSI we have not
inlerlered and shall not interfere."
Message of President Monroe in
1838.
TAKING TB R YOTJlU MF.N.
The horrors of war are about to
mooring and drifted on the beaoh a
tew weeks since and on Thursday a
wrecking crew and steamer were
ready to pull her oil, the weather
being very lavorable, but orders for
delay came from Washington. Late
that afternoon heavy weather blew
up, and it may be several weeks
liefore another favorable opportu
nity occurs.
So deep has the military craze
taken root in Loudon that swell
dinner parties are using khaki ta
blecloths, with bright ted flowers
placed in imitation of cavalry boot.
Considering the heavy list of fatal
ities in the TratiBvaal representa
tions ol trenobes, with diminutive
spades, could be appropriately ad
ded to the table decorations.
A woman suing for divorce in
Coos county has been ordered to
pay $4 a week alimony to her hus
band, pending the decision ot the
court. Hero is a case that needs
the attention of the reformers, says
the Myrlle Point Enterprise
Things are oomiug to a fine pass in
this country when the curl ex
pects a man to live on $4 a week.
compelled to appear put Holy,
though apprehensive of deadly as
sault at any moment. Few men
are ambitious enough to accept
luestionable honors with such per
ilous risks.
The must lender sympathy of
our community goes out to those
hose dead oome hark from the
HANDLING FERRETS.
MOW PROFfcSaeONAL RAT CATCHERS
USE THE ANIMALS.
nil1 norrors oi wtw are novuv " , ... ...
. .. , Philippines where life was lost in
come home to the common people "
of Great liritain, the first lime for :!5SB
A draft will be made ., . :t. HaiMMn. .n,i
VII n V 1M itMIII D SB1 t D rv IV nil.
tilled rOOCl) riders are making a
shining mark for the rifles of the
plebian but patriotic Boer.
many years
lo raise ninety thousand additional
men. I'nmarri! men between the
ages of eighteen and thirty years
are liable to service for five years
Ninety thousand men selected
New York newspapers are grow-
between those ages, and of good ing modest. None ol them has
physique, will take no small pro- claimed the credit for Doer sue
portion of that class from the pop- cesses in South Africa,
ulaiion trotu which they will be;
drawn in the main, that of Kng-! Krenon Tan.y Warsra, the world's
land, Scotland and Ireland. The i "" remedy for Irregular ami pain
, . , ,. ful periods of ladles; are neTsr falling
last census, that of lblU. gave the bJ M j
United KinadOOl a total DOpuU- Krvnoli Tausy Wafsrs are the only rr-
t on ol nearly Ihirly-eighl minions. iiatii frmais reme.iv in the world; I
More limn two percent wtll I con-
Ctlptsdi
Uanville, Illinois, comes to the
front with an international ooutlict
the result of an argument over the
Tfcw rurr Ur, lawsOi
i .mi. iii.-ii An I H" Whav
Trap aaS Palaaa Pall Thar Arm
OaaWSWjtf Wuik Wllh a Maaala.
Weasel, sud Isireta," said a pnu
fsaaluoal rat catcher, "ara about U.
same thing. Th ImporUd farm,
trained to the tjuslness are larger than
the waael, that Is all After I am
through wlUi rat catching I us. my fer
rets to hunt rabbit, out of bruab piles,
bay and straw stacks, which l a prof
Itabla bualoeM wbeu rabbit, ar.
plenty. What you call rabbit, over
here we Id England call bare.
"When a luaii one start. In a. a
profes.loD.1 rat catcher and gets to
understand training and working far
ret, there Is such an attraction In the
trade that be never willingly give. It
up. It', a profitable bu.lueM without
too much competition."
"Do th. fair an ever bit. you 7"
"It', a very careles. .nd awkward
man that get. bitten by a trained fer
rat wiiei, on. 1. bltUn by an enrag
ed ferret, the bite I. of a very severe
character, extr.m.ly painful and .low
tO In-Ill "
Am th. rat catcher talked a 0-montb-oid
ferret bl. fiery llttl. eye. gle.m
Ing Ilk. living gem., wa. crawling over
bl. lap and trying to get In under his
coat Tbls fellow," said th. rat
catcher, "Is a. gentle a. a kitten and
like, to b.v hi. back rubbed and to
bv caressed as wall a. any cat you ever
aaw. When the ferret bite, a rut'.
Deck, he know, exactly what be 1. do
ing, and bU front teath, cutting like
rasora, go rtgbt through tb. jugular.
"Of course we generally muxxl. them
when w. .end them In after rata, and
w. alway. uiuulo tbeni wben we send
them In after rabbits. If tbelr twth
were at liberty, tbey would kill the
first rat or rabbit tbey met and would
remain In tb. bole sucking Its blood.
Wben we put a ferret Into a house aft
er rata, w. .top up .11 the bole, at the
outald. of the house except one or two.
Over theM we place bag., and the fer
rets, driving the gam. before them,
run the rat. Into tb. bags. W. keep
th. ferret without hi. ordinary meal,
before ualng blni, .nd tbi. make, hint
keener In bl. chase.
"If. mighty easy to spoil a ferret.
After a young ferret has been badly
bitten by a rat sometimes happen.,
you can't get blm to go Into a bol.
muscled. Hut wben a ferret I. full
grown and ha. th. .kill and courage
that h. .bould have be Is a boly terror
to rata and Is a valuable animal. I
would nat sell a well trained ferret for
60, thef rlco of a good horse. Bucb a
ferret I should be willing to put In a
pit with 60 rata, and tie could In a abort
time kill every one of them. IUU are
great fighter, when they are cornered,
but no other animal of the same sis.
ha. a. much courage as a ferret or
weasel.
"In England the largest ferrets aro
called polecat ferret, and are a cross
of tbo two animals, which are much
alike. In this country the word po'e-
cat Is applied to tho skunk, an entirely
different animal. The word polecat
Is supposed to be an abbreviation of
Polish cat, and the animal abounds
all over Europe- The mink Is much
Ilka th. weasel, except that It Is larger,
and many depredations that are at
tributed to the weasel are committed
by the mink. All thesu animals prowl
by night, and they frequently go many
tulle. In search of food, oveu comlug
Into towns and the suburbs of cities."
Audubon, who was a close student
of nature, was delighted with tho
weasel, or American ferret It. long
flexible body. Its eitraordlnary length
of neck, the closeness of Its fur, Its
keeuuess of scent, Its wonderful agili
ty and quickness of movement all ex
cited his admiration.
An American writer says: "The com
mon weasel has sometimes been
caught and carried off by largo hawks
and owls. Horry was the experience
of the captor lu sucb cases, lie has
caught a Tartar. Tho captive will bite
Into the sides of the eueniy, so that
both will fall to the ground, the bird
mortally wounded and tbo weasel usu
ally comparatively unhurt
Tho weasel's courage In defending It
self when attacked by birds of prey Is
universally admitted, nor Is It deficient
lu fierce opposition to dogs and even
men wbeu Its nest Is Invaded by ei
ther. It usually kills for food, biting
through the head Into the brain with
such expertness that It. victim can
scarcely utter a cry of pain. It usually
eats the brain tlrst; then the rest of
the body follows In puroulng mice,
rata and mole. It follows them Into
their run. or holes. A wessel's
proximity to a poultry yard Is not to
be desired. Hut In barns, hayricks
aud grain stacks It Is decidedly ad
vantageous, ss It will surely exteml
uate or drive away rats and mice."
Tbo weasel's characteristics are not
' ... i i.. ... , , . , ... i ... . . . i. -ii
m (4i v ,' . niiiriivi, d.i.i u,,n, v
a weasel asleep" and "Sooner trust a
weasel with eggs." Stories aro told
1 that a weasel will watch a hen on the
nest for sn hour, waiting for a freshly
laid egg. Indianapolis News.
LEARNING TO SMILE THUEE CARD MONT E.
Oaa af lb HarSeat Tklaaa Par Ika
M.I tU lit).
The thluir I found hardest to laWI
lu in? busluess wa. to smile," said a
professional gfmMH who did a very
clever specialty recently at one oi inn
li 1,1 theaters. "I utartei out in srro-
batlc work when I was only l! years
old as one of a 'family' of five. My
liiatrurtuT was Charlen MelionuM, au
.Id time clrcu. performer ami one of
the best of his day. bile be was pui
iin me throuah my paces be wa
continually yelling: 'Look pleaaant!
ff.k uleaaant. And my main troumc
for year. wa. In following that same
un it.
"No matter how hard I tried 1 would
- mvaelf. and wben I was doing
an extra hard turn' I wa. certain to
make horrible face., .crew up my eye.
and grit my testh. It took all the ef
fect out of my act and must have
aeemed very fuuuy to the people in
ih. .mil, .nee Often, after performing
some difficult feat I bavo been morti
fied to bear a roar of laughter, and at
u.t I .lctermlued to either learn how
to smile or quit the business. I got
the knack at last, and now It has o-
come a sort of second nature.
"The oolut Is a great deal more Im
portant than one would suppose. I
know an equilibrist 'or Instance, who
u n notiular on the vaudeville cir
cuit not so mucb on account of the
difficulty of his act as the smiling ease
with which It Is apparently aoue. iou
would never supoae from his face
that h. was making any special exer
tion, and that of Itself gives remarka
hie grace and finish to his work.
"I am not the only one lu the bust
naaa however, who has found It hard
to smile at the right time. Almost ev
ery ballet dancer, eccentric character
ilnnrer ami Bklrt dancer has hail trou
ble on tbe same score. Most of them
finally acquire a horrible fixed grimace
that Is supposed to lie a smile, but has
no more suggestion of merriment than
a brick wall. It is produced by cultl
vat Ing a certain set of muscles and
made to appear and disappear on the
principle of pulling a String." NSW Or
leans Times-Democrat
nottatt from I'arU: take nothing elae.
hut Insist on genuine; In red wrapper
with crown trade mark, t.a Krauoe
Prugl'onipany, Importer., Sue Turk Kt,
Haupranclaeo. Kor sale by all drug
gist., or ant In plain wrapper direct
U I I'! of I
A Freak at Ihe Ll.hlalaa.
A curious case of lightning destruc
tion took place at Oatchlna, an Im
perial summer residence not far from
St. Petersburg, where stood a stone
column 60 feet high, held together by
iron angles. Wheu rain fell, mora or
less water pentrated the stone. In the
Interior of the monument. One day It
was struck by lightning, ami Instantly
the whole column disappeared from
vl.w, killing a lone seutry on guard
Tbe only explanation Is that th. heat
of the lightning Instantly generated
Steam on coming In contact with some
of th. water, and th. terrific explosion
followed.
MANAGING SMALL BOYS.
Hew Some Mothera Take All the
Spirit Out of Thrai.
"1 am always made sorry when I
ride lu tbe cars, through the shopping,
districts particularly," said the wo
man to a newspaper man. "to see the
mothers 111 treat small lioys. It Is
ethical cruelty, hut quite as disastrous
as physical III treatment might be. It
seems to me.
"I see poor little fellows of 7 aud B,
nice little men who would OS inauly If
they were allowed to lie, pOSDSd Into
that seat and out of It Into another an
If they were so many little dummies.
They usually are very ueurly that, for
seven or eight years of such pushing
aud pulling Is enough to take all the
spirit out of a small boy unless he
has DH USUSJ vigor of character.
"A boy of that age ought to be be
ginning to look out for his mother aud
finding seat, for her. Occasionally a
sensible mother, who treats her boy
like a human being. Is to be found, and
It Is a pleasure to see the two together.
"The boy who Is dragged around llko
n little muff during tho early part of
his life Is apt to come to himself after
n time If he Is uot entirely rulued, and
then he goes to an opposite extreme. Is
rude and self asuertlng, while he Is try
ing to establish an equilibrium, and
the mother can't Imagine what the
trouble la." NSW York Times.
"Yep" or "Vup."
A curious American colloqulullsm. of
which I certainly cannot si the ad
vantage, writes William Archer In Pall
Mall Oaxette, Is the substitution of
"yep" or "yup" for "yes" aud of
uope" for "no." No doubt we have
lu Eugland tbe coster's "yuss." but oue
bears SVSO educated Americans now
and then using "yep" or some other
corruption of "yes." scarcely to he lu
.heated by the ordinary alphabetical
symbols. It seems to me a pity.
Educated Americans, too, will often
say "souiewheres" and "a long ways."
1 have little doubt that this "s" has a
grammatical history of Its own. Prob
ably It Is an old case ending. Just as
"he goes out nights," on which Mr.
Andrew Laug Is so severe. Is a sur
vival of the "o'nlghts" which Shakes
peare puts In tho mouth of Julius Civ
sar ("Sleek headed men and such as
sleep o'nlghts").
At the same time, as "souiewheres"
has become Irremediably a vulgarism
lu England, It would, I think, bo a
graceful concession ou the part of ed
ucated Americans to drop the "s."
After all. "somewhere" does not Jar
lu America, and "somewhere." very
distinctly Jars lu England.
The l.lmlt.
"Put your tongue out." said tho doc
tor to 4-year-old Cillbert.
I.lttle Ullbort protruded the tip of
his tongue.
"No, no; put It right out," said tho
doctor.
The little fellow shook his head
weakly, and the tears gathered In his
eye.
"1 can't, doctor." he ventured at last.
"It's fsstened on to me."
Rradtna.
Head not much at a time, but medi
tate as much as your time and capaci
ty aud disposition will give you leave,
aver remembering that little reading
and much thinking, little speaking aud
much hearing. Is the best way to be
come wise.
CAREER OF THE MAN WHO INVENTED
THE 6MOOTH TRICK.
He laSQSSSi oa .-r
St... la. I- tk. '" "
H-rrrl of S.r WWi Ml.
.11.. SJaSM a-S Died "
I-w Houck wa. tbe Inventor of the ,
BAtOftOM three card monte trick and
shout tbe cleverest csrd sharp In the
world. Ilouck was well known in Kan
au City, where be operated on and
off for i years, making the city a
sort of way station on bl. trip, east
.nd we.t .
Tbe last time Houck was here be had
init returned from a European trip, j
lie produced papers and lett.ro to
i . ..... .hii . was lu Loudou he
HUOVt III, mmmmm - .
wa. feted aDd dined by some of toe
upper crusi of English society. Ue
had passed there as a wealthy and
traveled American. Ue bad letters,
tot,, from Secretary Olney. Secretory
Carlisle and other leader, of the Amer
ican political world which rscommend
i ed blm In the highest term, not only
to the American representatives
1 .broad, but to any friends of the writ
! or. who might meet blm. And these
' letters were genuine. Tbelr authentic!-
I Sa. . ..iil.l flllf fM doubted. Houck had
a way of getting entrance Into the ex
clusive clubs of Washington. Philadel
phia, New York and other cities, and
In hi. role of "gentleman of leisure" ho
had so Imposed on men of high stand
ing In the nation that they thought
him all be represented himself to be
aud gave him the letters of Introduc
tion that helped him to fleece the aris
tocracy of Europe.
Houck loveDted the three card monte
game before be became of age. This is
a trick with card, that ha. fleeced
more people out of money than any
other game ever practiced. The trick
Is played with three aces, two black
ones and one red. It Is always played
wltb a confederate to help, or "stall,"
for the game. The operator takes tbe
three cards between bis fingers, show
ing them to the victim, and then shuf
fles them about and drop, them face
down open tbe table, offering to bet
any amount of money that no one can
pick out the red ace.
At thi iwlnt the operator turns his
head a moment to spit or to speak to
some one In the crowa oenmu mm,
ami In thnt moment tho confederate
picks up the red aco card, shows It to
the victim, "crimps" the corner of the
card and slyly lays It down again, ap
parently all unseen by tho operator.
The operator again shuffles the three
cards and throws them upon the table
face down. There lies the card with
Its crimped corner. The victim sup
poses, of course, that It Is the red ace
and bets und picks It up to ftud that It
I. a black oue, und be has lost bis
money
The operator, w hen he picked up and
shuffled the cards carelessly the sec
ond time, with a deft luovemeut of his
fingers removed the crimp lu the red
ace card and put a similar crimp In a
black ace card. That was till there
was to the trick. Houck worked It for
years In hotels, on billiard tables, at
fnlrs and circuses nud on railroad
trains aud steamboats. Ho taught the
trick to Canada Hill, a noted gambler,
and the two worked together over nil
the country. They paid thousands up
on thousands of dollars to railroad men
lu tho old days for the prlvllego of
working the game on trains, and they
made money.
Enter, when nearly every state In tho
Union passed laws nlmed directly
ngalnst the worklug of the three card
monte game. It became unprofitable
and was given up by Ilouck. Hut about
thnt time an Ingenious English cockney
Invented the "three shell" game, which
was even more productive thau three
curd monte, and Houck took It up. The
three shell game is a modern Improve
ment on the ancient thimblerigging
game that wus worked at English fairs
for many years. The old way was for
the operator to crook his knee over the
head of a cano that stood upright on
the ground and move a small seed
around between three thimbles on top
of his leg. offering to bet that no one
could pick the thimble under which
the seed was hidden.
The lesson taught by the lives and
deaths of Houck and Canada Hill and
all the rest of their kind Is that It never
luivs to he dishonest or to live by one's
wits. These men may get great sums
of money by sharp practices In the
course of a lifetime, but they all die
poor, aud most of them die lu prison.
Canada Hill, who worked with Houck
on trains out of Kansas City and
made probably $1,000,000 In his life,
.11, .1 n. Ilillimir 111 tlu, nlm.himaa In
i Iobanou, Pa., aud Is burled In a pau-
yei s Kiit.u. uuui'i uroppeu ueau on
the street In Durango. Mexico, and bis
widow lu Ohio had to solicit aid to get
bis body home to give it decent burial
-Kansas City Star.
Valnable Hair.
in Hokhara, where the finest and
most costly camel's hair shawls are
made, tbe camels are watched while
the tine hair ou the uuder part of their
bodies Is growing. It Is so carefully
cut that not a hair Is lost and It I.
stored until enough has been accumu
lated to .pin. The yarn made from
the hair Is of surpassing softness and
Is dyed all sorts of lovely colors.
A STREET CAR COMEDY.
Th. Olrl a.S Her Par.. "
Smart oana M.
As soon as Uic g..d looking girl on-
,,r.,l the. nr the five young men ou the
Ilslte .. t began surveying her with
Sffl .ye. and she hadn't yet made
Whether the baldheaded man with
the medl.al magaxlue was to be lu
. 1 ,, , lu S lot when the conductor
Sn in for his fare. The girl opened
Her portoniotmale and began to take
S latchkeys, sample, of ribbon and
little memoranda in the usual way.
u d the five young men
after his own particular style. ald
hSe. I was out of It. The girl d.dn'
Z any of the smiles, but she cnugb
just the same. There was a nickel
2 ready for her lingers, but when one
lo his smile the uicae. -- V , " , B.
for a bill. She didn't I"""' " "ver
to the conductor as shs flsbed 't OOtj
but. leaning forward with a Winning
.mile on her face, she began at the
head of the line and asked:
"Will you please hi- so kind as to
change this bill for meV"
It was Impossible. A young man
with only a dime In his pocket has no
Bhow to bust a bill. The next one
had a quarter, but he bad to decline
Z ho it went to No. 5. His band
sought his pocket a. bis turu came,
hut It didn't bring up any change.
The smiles had been replaced by sheep
lull looks, and they rubbed elbows and
trod ou each other's feet lu trying to
lookout of the windows. There was a
long minute of painful suspense, au.l
then the good king girl handed the
bill to the conductor, She hadn't a
word to say to the flveyouun n who
l started out lu life so guyly. but old
baldheaded had. When all was over,
he turned half around aud growled
out: , , ..
If 1 were you fellows. I wouldn t
try to be so blamed smart next llme."
PhUadelpblS Press.
WHY SHE RESIGNED.
Thr Heaths or . Woman1, flab Con
founded til. Two Pope..
For the last year or so my wife has
I ambitions to shine as a literary
light." said Smith, with a chuckle. "1
don't know bow ninny clubs she Jolu
B0 but If there were any that she did
not lielong to It was because she hud
never heard of lUetU.
"The other night while I was read
ing tnv paper she Interrupted me with
a request for light about something
that I did not catch except the word
pops.
Well." said I. looking over my pa
per. 'I wan; to know about Dim.' shecon
i lined. '1 must read a paper concern
lug blm at our uext literary meeting,
nnd I do not know a single thing about
him. Who is bet
-Do you mean to say,' said U that
you know nothing about the head of
the Roman church?'
" "Oh. of courser she answered. 'How
stupid of me! I can read ull about
him in the encyclopedia.'
"I resumed my reading and thought
that ended it. hut It didn't. The oth
er night w hen I returned home I found
my wife lU tears, nnd before I had time
to Inquire what the matter was I was
called to account In 17 different kinds
of kevs.
"Well, when the storm was over 1
learned the truth. It wob the poet
Pope und not the pope of Home that
she was expected to treat upon, and
when she rose and rend n paper on the
pope It started a row that did not end
with adjournment.
"Hut. seeing that she has resigned
from all the clubs aud that the chil
dren once more have u chance to get
acquainted with their mother, I do not
look iion It ns a calamity." Detroit
Tree Press.
alien.
Judge Was the stolen Jewelry gold
or silver? Well, why don't you an
awer?
Prisoner Don't you know, Judge.
What .Hence laT-Kllegcnde UUttter.
Teaching.
"What," asked the sentimental
young woman, "was the most touching
Incident you ever witnessed?"
And after some thought Senator
Sorghum answered, with emphasis:
"An election." Washington Star.
In times of scarcity the South Afri
can natives sometimes rob thf nuts'
nests, and as much as five bushels of
I grain have been taken from a single
best
II. r Objection.
A New Hampshire man wished to
have telephone connection between his
house and a uew one built for bla
oil's summer residence. The best
route took the wire over the cottage
of nn old lady, to whom he applied for
permission to make the slight use of
her roof that was necessary.
The old lady gave her consent, but
made a firm stipulation at the same
time.
"I'm willing you should run wires
over my roof and hitch 'em wherever
yon see fit," she said pleasantly, "pro
vided you don't use 'em after l o'clock
at night. That's my bedtime, aud I'm
a light sleeper at best, nnd the noise
of folks talking overhead would be
sure to keep me awake." Youth's
Companion,
A Baraala.
"Arthur, dear," she said, "I do wish
you would uot use cigarettes."
"Why?"
"Hecause you don't know what Is In
them."
"Oh, yes, 1 do! Why, for the trifling
Bum that cigarette costs you get nico
tine, valerian, possibly a little mor
phia and any quautlty of carbon."
She looked up Into his eyes and murmured.-"Arthur,
dear. It does seem like
a bargain, doesn't lt?"-Brlsbane Ue-vlew.
The Mnde.t Lawyer.
A lawyer walked down the street re
cently with his length of arms taxed to
hold a lot of law books.
Pointing to the books, a friend said,
"Why. I thought you carried all that
stuff In your head?"
"I do," quickly replied the lawyer,
with a knowing wink. "These are for
the Judges."
Messrs. Mactnlllan, the great London
booksellers. In their spacious premises
have. It Is slated, shelf room for 4.300.
' books.
It every one turn himself round aud
look at home, and he will find enough
to da