Eugene City Guard.
I k. O.
EUGENE OTY
OREGON.
-There ar. others" la a poor defense.
eves though you cm provs It
An exchange nianu that the proper ,
length for abort seUrt hi a Uttla ever
two foot.
Aftor all the ops and downs ha bat I
bad LI Hung Chang ought to tasks a
pretty good lator boy.
Toudi Winston Churchill escaped dls- j
gulsed aa a woman, and tbut mada bla :
atart dowo tba corridors of tUnt aa "Sis
ter Winnie."
The story tbat tbe aon In law of the
Sultan of Turkey bai nd with bla
wlfe'a Jewels la rather Indefinite. Which
wlfa'a Jewell T
Th not thing tbat haa printed !
the shuffling ofT of "the alck man of Ku
rope'' will probably opersts ta k
"the sick man of Aala" alive. 'I
thine la the Jealousy wijlrb tha grei;
powen of Europe feel fur one aaotuer.
Tt remark of Oenera! Lawtoo when
aake1. when down South wltb the
Presidential party, to make a peecti:
"I am not a hero. I am only a regular."
la well remembered. Law ton waa one
of the altid who do not do all bla fight
log wltb bla mouth.
One State of the Colon, baring a ur
plus of a million dollars In Ita trees
ury. f.r wblrb It haa no preaatug use.
proposes to derota It to tha laiprove
meot of public arhrxile. Tbera may o
little "practical politics" In such a
cour. but tbera It much rtjtrd for tb
welfare of tbe people.
Mnrk Twa n can't remember when be
told bit Brat He. but tba aecond It vlv
Idly Impreeaed on bla memory be told
It wbeo be wat nine daya old. He prof
Had by It according to bla own atory.
and the public will draw Ita own Infer
MM aa to bla reaaon for puraulng to
ripe agv tbe vocation of fiction.
A ningbamton i.V Y t man la reported
to bar klllexl hit wife and hlinaelf Id
order to tea their plcturet In tba paper,
and another cltlien of the Ctnplre State
commuted aulclde a few daya ago to
prore whether there la anything In aplr
Itualltm or not. It Isn't likely thtt
wither of tb u la now thoroughly aatle
Had with tbe results.
Absent mludeduess baa aeldora been
a fame or money making reuture to Ita
postrisor. Nevertheleae. the poem.
Tbe Abaent Minded Beggar." which
Mr. Kipling contributed to Ixindoo
newtpaper for tale, brought In a fuud
af I5O.0UO for the needy families of the
aoldlera aent to South Africa. The
poem waa recited nightly at tan music
baila. and auug to Sir Arthur .Sullivan t
mualc at half a doaen mora.
Scientific men predict tbat pathogenic
bacteria, or dlteaae-breeding gvruM, sr
daatlned to ba exteriulusted In clrlllaed
lai. u. along with oisu-eattug heMU
and venouiou tcrpauta. And why nut ?
Already tba progreaa of medical Ml
aert baa gone far to eliminate or cancel
tba polaun of typbold and diphtheria,
tha baclllua of consumption la belug
hunted to Ita lair, and in cltlea where
aanltallon la duly regarded the acourge
of cholera and yallow far need SO
r be feared.
Tribune, haa a board of dlreror and a
secretary, making mora than twenty
fly oBcara In tha ararag townablp.
Many taacbert betlev better reaulta
oeold ba had by abolitblng thaaa dis
trict boarda and ceotrellz'.og coetrol rf
tha acboola In townablp boarda Tbe
azparlanca in otbar State would bear
oct thla Wew. In Philadelphia tba
acboola are managed in a moat wasteful
fatii'.on. tliere being a board of acbool
directora for each ward In tba city wltb
great power Tba result la an extrav
gant management. Wbeneyer the are
many board, each cunaiat'.ng of many
metnbara. then tbera are a large hum
ber of peraon who prtonal Intareata
mutt ba looked after and waose frleodt
mutt ba provided for. By reducing tbe
number of director thee l.ifruenc
are reduced and economy followt. Tbe
Leglslsture will do well to reorganize
tbe acbool tyatem wltb tba township aa
tba baalt of organization.
Tbe highwayman robs a man -per
hapa two men. If be Is lucky and tbat
la tha end of it ao far at the extent of
damage la concerned. But tbe prouio
ter of Inflated enterprltea bssd on
slender prospects t'art In to rob th
public at large. All goea well for a
while, perlupa. ta It did with tbe
Xrtnklyo syndicate. But tba time comet
when the bubble limits or thrlnkt to a
poor temblau'-e of Mi former aelf, slid
tha damage It widespread. When fB
hour of aaflspta or '-.infraction arrives
we have all the trooblM of a financial
panic ao far aa the securities are con
cerned. Koavtlim-t when tbe amaab
cornea tboae who are n-ally responsible
have escsped. lattlMW tbe guilty
go down with tbe Innocent, tbe promo
ter with tba Invettort. Toe punish
ment of wrongdoing falls upon tbe In
nocent, upon the public at lsrg. Even
thoee who have had no snare In tbe
game, who have not touched or ban
died tba perlloua thing, are caught In
tha pln-h with those who have taken
tbe risk. Heal vslues are the only val
uea tbat count In tbe long run. Illation
eaty Incorporated It Jutt aa much dla
boneaty aa If It were practiced by Indl
vlduala. And In the end It It about aa
aura to auffer tbe penalty.
The chartering of two tteamers t-,
carry rargoe of corn from Philadel
phia to Iteval, In Northern Bustla.
taken in connection wltb tbe fact that
several cargoes have already been
shipped to the ssine port from other
Atlantic coast lag porta. show that
Ituaala haglut to realize the value of
American corn at a cheap food fur It
people, atpcclully those living In the
northern and colder sections of Hint
country. The difficulty heretofore bat
been to com lin e European consumer
tbat corn could lie utilized us a nutrl
tloua food for human beings. Large
quantities have heretofore been hlt
ped abroad for brewing purpose, but
tbe prejudice agalntt It at a fool priHl
uct waa extremely hard to eradicate.
Little by Hltle. howeier. American corn
has been making headway In Buropt,
and the Busalsn linportntloui now In
progrets give promlte of au exteiitlve
demand from thst cnuntry In the near
future. The tectlont of KtiHida In
which com can be grown profitably
will also grow wheat, and the ltulnu
farmera are llkelt to continue to ralte
wheat, lealng American corn to be lut
ported aa a chuup food for thoae who
cauiiol afford to pay the price wheat
will bring 'u the RwopMB BhWktt
iaittiitiittitl
IN NO Btata throughout tba Laion
la American Ingenuity and Yankee
ingenuity, at that shown to finer
advantaga tiian In Nebraaka, wbera
home-made wlndrlll. ronttrucied at a
light coat do tbe work of mill-made
tnacblnet for which a much larger
ptica la aaked. Naw Kugland and tha
Middle Bute, aaya tha New York
Presa. might Just aa wH aa not claim
aooie of tba credit for the inventive
neat and pewe of adaptation which
these Wctteru farmera display, for tba
farmers rsme from the East or tbelr
fathers did. and tbe farmers of tba
West baven't a much harder row to
boa than tbe farmer vf tha rocky bllla
of New Kr.gland.
These Nebraska folk can take a
woruout mower and a few boardt
hicb hare dropped off the pig aty and
make out of tbem a windmill that will
Insure them proflt even If In fh long,
rlesr aummers the sky refuses to "give
down." The labor can be put In when
nothing more profitable la to be done
ban praying for rain, and be ridicu
lous sum of a dollar or so paya all tbe
money outlay necessary.
Krwln Iliockiey Barbour. In a bul-
letln from tbe LnWertlty of Nebraaka,
in I. lie -old. tells of tbe Nebraaka farm
art marveloua manner of making the
ina fit the end. Not only la water
rblltlpa Brooks said. In tha last
Thanksgiving teruion he praacbed: "I
defy a man to put bis fiuger upon any
page of history when It waa clearer
than It la today that man haa entuc
thing to do with hie brethren and thst
they are bla brethren. Tea, It belong!
to natlona. too. No nation dare act In
aubllme selfishness " Whether the re
Straining motive be high or low, the
fact of greed, envy. hate, under some
control, la a ground of hope for ludl
giduals and governments.
It la bat a poor compliment to a aol-41ar-or.
rather, It It not a compliment
at all to say of him that he was aheo
Jutaly Iguoraut of fear It la the oyer
coming of fear, not tbe euUr abseuce
f It. which constitutes bravery, la
other words, tbs man who bss never
experienced tha aentatlon of fear If
eorh a man ever lived-la larking In
relative Judgment. He canuot reseou
from came to effect fsr enough to see
thai If be does a certain thing ba It ture
to be killed And tuch a meulal com
poaltloa. to fsr from constituting greal
Beaa. is merely a sign of weak Intellect
Hence w may be tun that Qa, Law
ton. despite the aasertloua of hit luju
dlclout friend, kuew very well what
fear wat, D1 he did net allow It to In
fluence n conduct or hit Judgment
Thst It the rcsl bravery aUUb mark
the gallant soldier. Th other type
the disposition to ruth a-t any utzn
1st without reatoultg or rrflecllou it
tb mere brute Inatluct of tba buKiKig
and ll doesu t u bar -
L gSM
The ,v-e'r atuvveen bM'ii-vl KfTvta a
aoosldvr.s'b aaaagf of ehotwe to ptNWI
Itite'r.es.ted' In aHMilir.reSt-l'r pcrVatoUii
to l-M-entVoV nrwi wb-o I'lat'tn u Beu-.m
linwuT la Itidi nniWHlrti Swhwheai IWM
ttso tle i'.wuS.e'.h sswlatrTtary of imv
dvsnit of t'hauvef ki nk'mV amd t--.-. -W,'-'.li
f-ne-ah d-.-:tv.'...'. to ttart "axdl .4 I in
fiW,v unv-ffth-r." latbaud Wm M
Lng,tb- dVvhie. bt been 4htI tbwee
ceu Kioto U't WHiMon btwl Mre tMN
faiiclt-y of winning Uiat WbeaM'l fi
ta record Ita fulluett. The -runar-y of
Oowprr't death Is uuniled with the
aotable daya In the year. Many to
whom til worka any not otherwise ;
petil will ba grateful for the spiritual
refrethmeut which they owe to hit de
aotlonal writing. On tha other hand,
tba centenary of Macauliy'a birth It
aoninieuioraicd, at least by special NO
Uectlon. by the large ccmpiu) who
are bla debtors because, wheu he wrote
blatory. tbe Boafl imaglnat'os kept
dnlloeaa at a distance. There are otb r
daya and names for end of tbe century
mention which good readers aai good
llatenera will not forjet.
One of tbe nattart now d'.tcutsed by
the Iowa teachera Is tlie making of the
towntblp tbe unit of organlaation. I'n
dar tha present system each Indcp-n 1
district, aajra tbs Cuiva.o
WHY HE HAD TO MOVE.
t.'nfortuiiute Lived Nett Done to .. I lot
tor wtlb Mabl Culls.
"Why, uinn," aahl tbe Ian. II 1 id to a
teuatit whom he had recently secured
for a house Hint had lieeu unoccupied
for aoveral months, "you're not going to
vacate ao soouT ou v ouly beeu tbeie
a mouth."
"I know It and a motub mure would
be the eud of me. I 11 111 going to get
bouse way out In the auliurba and la
the ceo 1 1 c of a big lot. You'll uier
getme Into a double houe again ua long
aa I live. I'd rather take the family
aud camp out."
"The place Is all I told you It waa, air
good house, good uelglilKirhood aud
everything lu good repair. I'll look t
you for tha raul uutll the aud uf tin
term.
"1 hsfs all right, aud I'll pay It I'm
not mean enough to try to sublet It
either. One thing you didn't tell DM
that the mini lu the other end of the
house Is a doctor and thai be seem to
hnie trained his patluts to call 011 bliu
st night I hnvcu I had any s eep wortb
tpeuking of In the w hole three weeks
Coming up 011 the 1 h they reach
my door llrt. They ring tbe bell na
though It were a Hie 11 hum aud tbeu
begin pounding on the door. When I m
forced to go to the dour to prevent its
being broken In and to give the rest of
the folks a little tliow to lecp. It's 'Oct
Into Mttff clothe, doc. and come righ
over to the bouae,' or. Jm in e lias the
1 roup.' or. Baby'a liililng an awful tune
w itli hi leeth.' or, 'Why didn't ymi call
tblt cveulng at )oti agreed to?' If 1 put
111 v head out of the i Indoiv and try t
explain they get hot, tell me I had bet
t r tnke lu my lgu. better retire fretu
bi'luet. r sountliiu wor e. I ll
bring you ihc We) till evealog."
1 Vtrolt l-'ree I'n'!.
Al'lOMOUil I 110 I! l)ON.
AVTOMolltl DOSS WiOOX,
Tbecutious o. . u. piece of apparavti
pictured l.vre haa n-cently been addetl
to the equipment of th flre department
of Paris. Frattee. Kxperlmenta with It
have lieeu ao satisfactory tbat a uum
ber of the automobile hone carriage
are to lie Inttalled at once. The uia
i-UiliB tarries a crew of from six to
eight men aud a full equipment af Ufa
sating apparatus, chemical extinguish
era and hose. It Is said to ba faste
and more easily controlled thau Buy
bona apparatus.
A circus ostrich once made a meal
of aauer kraut and fat pork, and died
within three dagr of IndigeiUo.
HOHE-MADE WINDMILLS.
iaaaaaaiaoaa)aiaOBagggaaigat
nidg with tha lowest type and r :g
up, tbera ta tba Jumbo, tba Merry-Oo-Bound.
the Battla Ax, tb Holland Mill,
tba Mock Turbine and tha Recon
structed Turbine. While farmers may
ba rather particular what material
they put Into the higher cost machine,
tor those of tba lower data no kind of
stuff lying around tbe bara It too mean
to find some use. Old lumber, lath,
ahlnglet. split rallt. old packing boxes,
barrel ttavea. coffee aai kt, tin from old
tin roof, tbe gearing from old mow
ersthere la acaicely an od'i and end
thai doea not have a use In tbe bome
mada mill.
Kor $3 70 W. W. tor of Ilave'.ock
made a baby Jtimtio. which pumps not ,
only water enough for hit ttock. but
ttipplles bla boarding hius-; wits all the I
watar needed. It bat four fans, each
three feet long and arret two and one- :
half feet long, and la mounted 00 a lx- !
teen-foot tower.
J. L. Brown's mill, which !a on the
MIC way nurseries, near Kearney, ta
one of low cost Out of old grocery
boxes he made tha fans and the box,
and tb gnsplpe axlt cott him f 1 80.
What could such a mill aa this do?
Welt, II pumped enough to Irrigate bis j
garden through a killing season of i
drought, and kept his strnwberry patch
and bis amall fruit from death. Pretty
in-, it hs th whole State. Ita -oat waa
II L and for this outlay It runs a corn
abeller and faad grinder and a grind
atone. One of tha moat ingaftiooj aiUt la tha
who! State tands on a farm near
Gothenburg. It la mada merely of a
wagon wheal attached by lu axl to a
barn. To tha tpokaa are fastened
bladaa. Thla contrlTanca pumpa all tb
water needed for the barn. Still an
other mill la a two-fan turbloe. and I
made from an old mower Near Urand
4 Sfjgr
nOMKMALK SAW MILL.
provided fur Irrigation, but stock Is
supplied wltb water, ranchmen and
sheep berdera are benefited, dairy prod-
stilt, m a 11 a or waaoa wnaau
acta are increased and Improved, and
tha comfort of tbe Tillage and rural
homo la enhanced.
Most of tbe horue-cnade mllla are
found In the Platta Vallay. from Oma
ha to Daavar, and In tha laaaar river
course w hich branch out from thla Tl-
ley. Columbus. Grand Island. Kear
ney, (i-er'on. Coxad. Lexington. Goth
enburg. Ogallala and Intermediate
towna are centera for these mllla aa
well aa for other kinds of water llftera
The favorite foi in In Kastern Nebraska
It the JumtHi. or th "Go Pevll," which
latter name piobably Is a contraction
Of "do Like the -Devil." In Central
and Western Nebraska the prevailing
type '. called tliu Battleax Mill. Both
kli-d do far more than pump water.
They ruu th grlmUtoce. the chum,
the 'cetl grinder, the corn thellei and
woi.'l tsw and oth,er farm machinery.
All thlf work '1 d'ce by a uiachlna that
ccta Itbor IneiuuVd from It to . Of
co'ire the lin e la put In wl.en there It
notlilnj est ira irt!ivg Kt he dewe.
far M ttea Saw ewe Ve la ten ent t4
tn-perttrrt v''k tha resatit bardly
wmU pay. While the avecaaa es Ve
(rWed m lesr aa frt r I, beew which
the HrlRlmw-Hi, M wovU aeew. seiMvcir
eirvtid (rii aha asaaVwewa tfcat haa
S M tke eeoei ac-Wom e ttttti mJiHs
rmrU mt ta a mate aw t-VPt. A m.tt
a vast aehaa hwcw at b"jet kkt
gooil Investment for 11.50. In fact
Brown ban figured out that the profit
from that little mill durlug three pretty
tough tltni-a of drought exceeds that of
the whole furm In three ordinary sea
aons. The regulntior Jumbo mill Is set per
manently to fact the north or aouth
and thus catch the force of the prevail
ing winds. But when the winds blow
from another direction these mills
would be of no use, so tills rilrbVulty It
overcome by putting up "universal"
JuiiiImis, which are set on a screw, nnd
whlcb will turn with the wind in nny
quarter. Sometimes, too, Jumbos are
set up In pairs, quartering the compass,
and with such nn Iticipcmtlve mnchine
it la easy to do this. The merry-go-rouuda
look like huge aide wheels of
steamers set horizontally on towers.
la the general class of turbine mills
are Included the Holland mills, the bat
tleax mills, with two, four, six aud
eight fana; the ghmt battleax. the mock
turbine-- the fixed, revolving, with and
without rudders and the reconstruct
ed turbine, whlcb last named usually
are the shop made ones which have
beeu Injured aud are bought cheaply
and repaired.
made rnoa A1 Ol D MOWrB.
Island. Fred Matble-en bull! a mill, the
driving parts of which were taken from
an old self binder. It waters his stock,
and yet the cott was tinder go.
By put'lng a rudder on, a mill the
arms can tie wade to swing around aud
stand In the wind, and by putting a
mill within a tower Instead of upob It
tbe chance of destruction through be
ing blown down by tha high Winds Is
lessened greatly. m of the queereM
mllla ll that of a farmer named Bear
son, who lives near Gisn-i l'lnud. He
took the sprocket w heel and fly wheel
of a corntheller and nt a cost 0? $3 put
together a contrivance that pumps
enough water for sixty head of cattle
Another odd and Ingenlon bit of
mechanism It a reconstructed aermotor
that cost practically nothing, yet
pumps for the house, lawn, garden and
a small fruit orchard, bringing up 270
gallona of water an hour In a fifteen
and one-half mile wind. Then there 's
the "toy" water mill of A C Walker
a civil englueet, w hich pumpfl.4S0 gal
Ions of water In twenty-four hours.
Near Kearney was an abandoned mill
and storage reservoir. Tbe mill was
fixd at slluht cost, tilts of broken up
boxes were nailed to the arms and the
whole thing worked ss well aa It Old In
Ita better days.
To shop made mills and etrn to tbe
batter clasa of home-made can be at
tached wires, by which the power can
be transmitted several hundred feet to
w here it Is necd d Sometimes the mill
la set at the house, and Its energy Is di
rected ao that It will run the pump at
th Imrn In fact, the Nebraska furm-
er'a ways of utilizing these borne made
contrivances are endless.
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKE FROM THE PEH t
RIUU9 nwniw..--
ri.at lacld.at. Occa.flag ha
WM Or.r-Sajiaa MSSSJWSt 1.
al i Old or loaaa t4
tie t Wl" EJ0
Sandy Plkaa-Wd yar giro a poor
man a dinner?
Housewife Why ao you
yourself deserving'
SanJy rmm i wu
Hone-wife .after dlnaer)-You tr not
deceiving me? You Were really at tha
front?
Far.dr Pikes-I wouiun l oecen 7-
Bum. I wuz st ae from, out u ;
wuz locke.1. Dafs why 1 cum axoo
to dc kltchett.
Illt th NalL
jij in, mil fl SflV Wtl-Il
tt nai "iiu uss i"4
be was accuse.1 of UkiDf the cattle?1
Iniulnsi the tourjii.
'I he right thing, strawHK, rvy"
ad Amber Pete.
"What was It P
"1'U b hsDgts!"
Hrd to talch.
Qtilnn-' wooderwhy th: man Aguln-
aldo runs so much?
Peganla a nrobubly Intends to
make Chicago bis future home. You
know It take a little practice to cawo
a car there.
Very True.
Knjorlna the Hrenerr
"Did you bare a pleasant trip to Cak
'mia, Mrs. Sktnnarr
Yas, Indcad; w plsyed euchre Ui tb
way out and ail th way back
cajo Record.
New at th Otat.
She I don't like ber; tb hat a bad
habit of calling a apaae a spade.
He-You'd think differently if oa
bad erer attemptad to teach her auciira,
as I did Philadelphia Press.
Method la Hla Madn.
Short I wish I wars a rumor.
Long-Why ao?
fihort-Becaua a rumor soon gaiat
currency. Chicago News.
. Vsrj SwelL
a xntt or babbki statu j
ni
mmm
sftiA.
if
4
VI ! I I Mlt
bore wer aud will grind from 3B0 to
aXH) buthelt of grain a da.
Th N'etiratka h. m made mill seem
ta claaaltToueU into six typea Begm
fif katUaag still ua"! Its name from
Ma seMweWtwh.it 1st tbe arm and the
Mum,- a tw aa. Like the Jumbo. It ua
wtiAf St tiK ss a aerrk aad south posb
' prevailing wind of
JkNKs awe (ntu these VKdnta of th
K ht veltfom that tliwe mills
t-s- aa e. Tbe axis of this mill
aior W WiKift. gasplpe. shaftlug or
an Iron rd. The battleax mill of J. A.
Carroll, near Overton, cost I'J5 more
thun be average, because It has a thirty-barrel
tank connected with It. Near
Grand Itland. IHetlrlcb ituennecke
speul 11 on a battleax mill and tauk.
The faua of tbe mill are fixed In the
drtvlug parts of an old thresher, and
the brake I taken from au old wagon.
Near Crand Island, too is a mill put
up by a farmer named Schroeder. who
used barrel ttavea for the fans. A. G
Ttngley of Tardea put up a cheap battle
ax mill whlcb does all tbe work of saw
ing 30-inch logs. Elmer Jasperson put
up on his farm, rear Ashland, a two
fan battleax mill, which baa only an
American Beef In Hrnttand.
Owing to the scarcity cf beef cattle
and fat sheep la the country, and tbe
consequent rise In price, very large tup
plies of American beef are finding their
way all over the country. Edinburgh
butchers, who, as a rule, decidedly pre
fer the home article, have of late been
forced to procure supplies from Liver
pool and Glasgow of port-killed State
beef. In addition, the chilled beef
agencies lu the city have beeu selling
largo quantities of American killed
beef. A Chicago compauj It dolug a
verr considerable trade lu a high class
grade of beef. They have already i
tahllshed forty agencies In the I'ulted
Kingdom. The supplies coming Into
Edinburgh for Inst week sre phenom
enal, bearing In mind always that this
City bat been In the pntt particularly
independent of foreign tupplies of bfef
and mutton. I'pward of 400 quarters
of chilled beef have gone Into contump
tlon, and. In addition, a like quantity,
viz . 'Jini tides port killed, ail of Aiuerb
I can origin. Suppllea of frozen mutton
continue about an average of 3R0 car
casses, mainly from the Argentine lie
public.
Lightning Kill KUb.
The Pcuusyliaula Hub Commission
bad henrd talcs that the brown trout
with which some of the streams of the
State were stocked were particularly
! susceptible to destruction from llg'it
! nlng. so they began an Investigation
and they now announce that the stories
nre true. It Is the habit of the brown
trout to swim close to tbe bottom of
the stream It frequents, and though he
It not literally struck by lightning, the
electricity It conducted to the bottom
of the atreama which have rocks eon
talnlng a considerable nmount of Iron
In them, and so reaches and kills the
trout, while It does not affect the fish
that swim higher In the water.
lncreartted Strength of China.
A Oernai engineer has brought for
I wrd a new method of constructing
chains so as to eliminate tbe weakness
due to faulty material or construction,
which sometimes occurs In chains made
of solid metal. The method consists in
wiMdlag wire Into links aud binding the
turns f wire by dipping In a bath of
Hi-iHld tlac or other noucorroslve
atnterlal. The wired links may also be
stiffened by being wound on an Interaal
seeel llalsvg adapted to receive tbe wrap
plKfls of wire. It It claimed that chams
wade by this method provide equal
strcntrth with lest watte of metal.
fcina)llt) an t American Letters.
A comparison of the postal tatlstlct
of the world shows that the English
people write a third more letters In a
year thsn the American, but this Is
attributed to the almost general use of
the telephone In this country doing
away with tbe necessity for so mucb
writing. -New York Times.
A Welt-Known Man.
"Y'.ou say that man who Just went by
!a one of the test-known meu In towu?"
"Yes; he couldn't borrow a dollar to
save bis life!" Yonkers Stateaman.
llrirfO Hetliird.
"Define divorce."
' If the Interlude to rag time ma!
rtruony." Chicago Record
London Theatric it Employe.
More than 1U.000 people are regular
ly employed in the London theater
Ten Accident a Day.
Street accident lu London amount to
about 3,500 a year- nearly ten a day.
lUynor 1 bear there la a new baby
next door to you. Shyne You don't
hear It half as often as 1 do.-Chicago
Tribune,
The blueeyed one Brilliant and Im
pulsive people usuully hsre black eye.
Tbe other one Yes; and If they don't
have them they're apt to get them If
they're too Impulsive.
Of Count Not.
Pearl- So your friend la from Key
West?
Baby Tat; and he must be wealthy.
Pearl- Why. dear?
Buby Because he told me when
borne he was not accustomed to baths
In anything but Florida water.
Hundr.
Maud - Lnthel I a nice young man
May Yea; but Harry wears button
Shoes.
Maud-Wbat of that?
May Why, bow convenient It would
be if we were married! 1 would be sure
to misplace my button book and then
I could Just borrow his. If the two were
misplaced we could both use hairpins.
Chicago New.
Not a Heiid Secret.
"People often suffer from dyspepsia
without knowing It."
"Well, at least they let everybody
slsc kuow it. "--Chicago Beeord.
A I'ertlnent Query.
Browne--Come around to my house
tonight snd we'll have a quiet little
game.
Towne-When did your wife leare?
New York World.
A Win Ulrl.
Nettie Neivlywcd I'apa, dearest
won't you let Augustus and me bars
115,000?
Papa What do you want all that
money for?
Nettle- We want to build one of those
houses that cost J3.000 In the advertisements.
A Revere Summary.
"It's wonderful." said the man with
the solemn air of erudition, "what a
difference a slight matter will make In
the world's estimate of a man."
"It Isn't to In literature," waa the an
swer, ".v man must hare merit
there "
"Not necessarily. If he gets his
spelling wrong- that's plain Ignoran.v.
But If he gets his facts and logic all
twisted that'a originality." Washing
ton Star.
Hud Her Sympathy.
"I Just learned to-day," said Mrs.
Wederiy, "that my husband la leading
a double life."
"Well. I don't blame blm much." re
plied her spinster cousin. "A single life
is awfully tiresome."
TfVhe- lanomnt-e Is lHat
"Whoas new sill- umbrella la stws
you've brought homrV
' "I don't know."
"Pon't know':"
"No; and. wlui's mere, I dn't
ta snow. --Chicago Record,
A ttaleJed Jfytn.
"Do your Uttto V.L-. t oeilote in Santa
Claus?"
"No. They till 'as: Christmas,
when their vn.i plared the pen. 1
had tbe chlMrea l tbe ball, and be
waa to come from Bps tall I with a lot
of presents for tiiea."
"Tear
"Well, we had the llgLta rurntd low.
ard he thought h wa dewt when ts
wasn't. They NKOftart hi language."
-Chicago T11W lTsjfaM.
Shoe dealer-Your feet seem to bt
swollen.
Customer-Yea, honey, dey swelled
'bout de time I got my growth, an' dt
swdlln' ain't nebber gone down.
H W Making Them.
"You should make some allowanc
for your former wife faults," aald th
friend.
"I do." replied the divorce man; "I
pay her allmony."-Phlladelpbla Rec
ord. In the Dim Light of the Klevator.
"Why, good-morning, Mr. Tliornhlll."
"Good-morning. Mlsa-ah-Twyman."
"But I am not Miss Twyman "
"Glad to hear It. I'm not Mr. Thorn
hill, etther."-Cb!eago Tribune.
Impossible.
"in this third act." said the star
manager, "you must show that you art
violently In love wlrh tbe helreas."
"How can I," walled the walking
gent, "when I know that she is drawlni
$10 less thnn 1 nm '"-Philadelphia
North American.
A Slight Misunderstanding.
She I suppose you were presented tt
court while In Loudon?
He-Yea. twice; but I was acquitted
both times.
A Ulgh Kcach.
Mr. Williams Watcher yu totin' yet
arm In er sllng fur?
Mr. Eowler iln a whisper) Stralnel
It reachlu' after a turkey what wui
rooatlu' In er sycamo" tree.
Have Her Keeling.
Mlsa Asklt Does your husband
smoke those cigars you gave Blm
Christmas?
Mrs. Nuwed He smoked one, and
said be would keep the rest to remind
blm of my kindness Baltimore Amer
ican. One Thing Needful.
ne Man bos a perfect organ of
speech.
She Well, ao has woman.
He Oh, no, she hasn't Her
made without stops.
Not Very Consoling.
Humorist The editor makes fun '
my Jokes.
Spacer Well, 1 don't see that yen
hare any kick coming. That'a more
than you are able to do.
Horete Track.
"What kind of truck la tblaf de
manded tee editor.
"Truck?" echoed the pen asplrw. "I
wasn't sware I made mention of MJ.
But rest assured If I did It la one of the
latest horseless variety."
The Letter and the Spirit.
Askum Do you approve of abbrrrl
atlng "Christmas" to "X-mas?"
Tellum I wish I could. It uraHf
coats m a "C" or an "L." I'd be rill
ing to abbreviate It to "V"-mas If fflj
wife would agree.- Baltimore American.
Tronble In the Clock Work.
The big hand-Say, It's 12 o'cloct
I'm all run down.
The little hand-Let's strike for snort
er hours! New York Press.
An Kxplanotlou.
Jones I saw a messenger boy mi
ning this morning.
Brown-Why, what waa the matt"'
Jeaes-U had Just lost bis Job.
A Novel Invitation.
A wedding Is so overpewerlftf 10
event that few persons will venturt w
blame John Kurtz, hotel-keeper,
Queens Borough, whe, according toll"
New York Press, forgot to Invite to
ceremony his fellow-iiieajbers of
vwlunteer fire NBSSar.
But when the best of every thiol 10
the hotel had been placed before te
wedding guests, and everybody
feellaf happy, Kurtz remembered k
fellow-firemen, and concluded that tk
wedding could not be complete w tbout
I hem.
So be turned in a fire-alarm. W"0
rhe firemen came dashing up to 1
hotel with the flre apparatus Kurt
Stood at the door and Invited tbem
r.t .- In
At first the boys were Indignant, tid
some of them wanted to turn the bo
on the hrtflaaiiMMti hot tber re lent
and accepted the invitation.
PeNSett Alone.
Young man Will you be my wife'
Youug woman-d am sorry to
am engaged myself, but you will
my sister Just as well. SoujfTj
Journal.