The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899, December 30, 1899, Image 3

Historic Oregon Newspapers

The Eugene City guard., December 30, 1899, Image 3

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Newspaper Page TextNO LATCH8TRINQ OUTSIDE. The latcbatriug' on the oiitlde"-tbat a what they uae to Bay. go' we uever knocked iu wiuter, uor the roy lime o' May, Till I got to lovin' Sully. u' Bbe'a named lb.- ilay to Ml An' th.-u tbar' wus no iatrhatrlns on im- outaide door fst met I snowed I wuzn't eoytwnf-"'' " bad wui Jet , . . .... . The tweet, uplift'" knowledge tbat ber dear heart lorel me beat! Tbat oie time for her life an' mine onie bappincaa there'd be; An" then thar' wui uo latcbatriug on the uuuiuc door f r me: An' the winter went, an' aprlngtlme, with the blrda, an' blnaaonia awe. t IVadetbe rlolotl like a carpet fer the fall- in' of her feet ; un li.'ht ,' thnr' cm beautT on JD - - the Ian an ou the aea, . . . . .u .;.u Jut never any lairnainng ou iue um. door fer me: An' I know the worl'a a good won , wnn Ita meddera green an wioe. With ita thorn an with ita roaea-wlth I. I -1 1 1 1.1a ill line, au an w'1" Cept thia: Ter all the go.nl thinga tbat air pant, or goln' to be, Tbor'a never any latchatrlng on the out- aide door fer me! -Atlnuta Conatitution. 1 The Ebon Cross. tin Y friend. BobWt Thurston. Ii a ruwi whoae real character, anil that Indicated by Ula appear ance, are u far different aa can be Im agined. Ha la the proverbial "black sheep" of the family, and yet, despite all hla wtldueaa. he baa ofteu b'eu ui tuken for a clergyman. Here la the atory of one of my nomadic friend's ad ventures, aa related by himself: I waa In Paris. The city and Its way were well known to me. while my circle of acquaintance waa not small. One day, while wandering about the city alone. I came to a ataudt.UU at the corner of one of the moat fashionable treeta. A man passed mo who looked very searchlngly Into my face. In a few minutes he returned, and again favored me with that anuoyir.g stare. "I beg your pardon, monsieur, but la not tbla Marts'" The man was sincere, and I compre hended that I was mistaken for some other person, but I was about to deny all knowledge when the desire for a lit tie sport overcame my more serious Inclinations and I gravely replied: "I am so called." T thought It must be so." he contin ued, with an air of satisfaction. "Thoe black crosses are too uncommon to lie seen In large numbers on this corner at the aim. .luted hour." I bowed slightly. I knew my strange friend referred to the ebon crosa thai hung over my white shirt bosom, but fOI all that bis words were most mys terious. "You are nearly an hour before time," continued the unknown, "but If you are ready we will at once proceed to the residence of my master." "Quite ready," I replied; "lead on." Had you been preseut, my dear fel low, you would, without doubt, bate been greatly shocked at the course I waa taking; but It Just suited me. and I saw before me a prospect of rich pleas ure. So I followed on after my guide, who Anally pnused before one of the most pretentious mnuslons of the city, and applied for admission. While we wait ed for an answer to his summona, 1 read the name upon the door-plate of the mansion. It was IL Jules I.evane. The servant who answered the bell admitted us without question, and my compauton couducted me through sev eral rooms into the library, aud then left me with the announcement that he would at once aeud M. Levnne to my presence. The mystery was deepening. This house, with Its magnificence, waa such a might well be Inhabited by a prluce. r "IF YOU WILL PKRfoaM Til AT CERE MONY THIS OOI.D IS YOUHS." and I began to fear I had carried my Joke too far. The reflection that It was now too late to retreat caused me to determine to keep up the deception for a time longer, aud I heard ndvanclng footsteps with th utmost tranquility. A tall, Imperious-looking man of about 50 years entered, and. while sa luting me, kept hia gaze constantly filed upon me. "You are the clergyman sent here by Col. de Lisle?" ho queationed. abruptly. "Sent to the corner of and afreets," I amended, at a venture. "And you are the gentleman who was directed to answer to the name of Alarla?" "I am." "Very good. Did Col. de Elsie Inform you aa to the nature of the business in band?" "He did not," I ventured to affirm. "Very well; I will make It plain to Jon, Flrat, however, I presume you are the bold, fearless man Col. de Male greed to send to me one willing to Perform a bold deed for a pecuniary Inducement ?" "Col. de Lisle knew his business," 1 re-turned with an emphatic nod. "Then monsieur, we will to business at once. As you have, perhapa, learned, my name Is M Julea Levane. I am be lieved to be very wealthy, but really I am not worth a thousand louls d'ors. Ten years ago I lost nearly my whole fortune by the failure of a scheme In which I bad peculated largely. Buln tared me In the face. I knew not what lo do In roch n fearful lltuttioa. Accustomed from my youth to a life cf luxury and eaate. aud looked upon as a man whom primes dared uot tUgUt, the Idea of falllug waa too terrible for con teuiplatiou. "TUu aituated. I did whit nearly every other man would have done In tuy altuatlon. 1 bad a ward, given to my charge five years previously, by her dying faihar, my early friend. Tb1 ward waa very wealihy. and all her property waa under my control. To save myself from ruin I appropriated her fortune that haa for ten years kept my head above Hie tide. Now my ward baa reached ihe age at which her for tune waa to be placed conditionally in her hand. Monsieur, what shall I do? Itulu Is Inevitable If 1 give up her money." "Let me hear your plan." aald L "I have a son. 24 years jf age, the lielr of my respectability and my pov erty. If Louis an I Marie wer- to mar ry, the fortune would not need to leave my control, and nil w .mid ba well." "Then. U: them marry." "Ah, that ! the trouble. Marie re fuse to wed my son." I began to comprehend the plot ind resolved to carry out the plot I had uu dertaken. "I'roceed." said I, blindly. "Did you ever hear of n marrlagecere mony being performed where the bride refused to give ber consent tn the union?" demanded M. I.evane, fixing i gtize ution me aa though be would read my very thoughts "frequently," I replied, carelessly. "I asked the same question of Col. d( Lisle," aald the old villain, with an air of relief, "and he gave me an affirma tive reply. He furthermore promised to send a Clergyman to the corner of aud streets, at I o'clock p. m. to day, who would be kind enough to per form such a ceremony. Col. de Lisle RICH KST 1 X AMERICA I ef le amM thp v ' the way." "I turned t THE CLAIM MADE FOR A MFXI CAN GYPaY. VM .:. MARIE ACTED THE PART OF TIIF. rw ili.imo miiKB. was obliged to start for Lyons this morning on Important business, so be could not be preseut. It was agreed however, that the reverend gentlemnu should wear upon his breast a peculiar black cross, and it was by that my man recognized him." M. Levano here arose and went to a desk In one corner of the room. This he unlocked, and took therefrom a stout canvaa bag, which waa half nilcd with glittering gold. He laid the bag before me, and then continued: "Now, monsieur, Marie Duchane must wed my son. If you perform that ceremony this gold Is yours." I did not hesitate an Instant, but pocketing the gold, bade the scheming guurdlru lead the way to the bridal chamber, I found the bride-elect, a most beau tiful girl, to be firmly opposed to the union contemplated by her guardian, and so I applied to M. Levane for per mission to argue the case with her. lie readily consented to this, and I took the unwilling bride aside and explained the circumstances of the case to ber. She was at first Inclined to doubt my statements, but I succeeded In con vincing her of my truthfulness at length, aud by my advice she consented to let the ceremony proceed, when as sureil that It would Ik a mere farce. Levane was delighted at my success as a diplomatist, nnd the marriage waa at once performed. Mile. Marie acted the part of the unwilling, but submis sive, bride to perfection, and I venture to say my part waa creditably per form ad, thanks to the experience I bad bad In our miniature playa at home. After partaking of a bountiful supper I left the f alTanaa. father and son, In raptures, and, with the bag of gold In my pocket, proceeded to the office of the chief of poll - ?. where I told my story and demandid Justice for the unfortu nate ward of M. Jules. I need not dwell on what followed Marie Duchane recovered her fortune and aoon after married a worthy young man. New York News. It la -nl Unit Uu- Naaatof ami Vulur of Ilia I'liaar looa la Kar lie) no. I (lie Wraith of Yandcrbllta, Aatora, Kockr fcllcra or Gould. If you believe one of the Romany of Milwaukee then the richest uiau in North Alio nea I uot one of the under bill, .tutor or lloekefcllcta, but a liuou pure gypsy, whose name la aim pie Johu Smith. He live lu Mexico, I mi years old aud the ow tier of coUUtlesa acre, of myriads of cattle and she.-p of gold, sller and ouyx mines, of railway and bank Block aud of pluuiatlous with out number lu the hcurt of Mexico's richest Btutc. Smith wealth haa never tieen figured up. He cauuot tell hlmaelf. Hia Bole ambition la to become the richest man III the world. Aud It I this hope timt kaapa bin vlgoioua aud drive dull care away. John Smith haa no settled home, lie ha a hundred home on hi different estales, and he uiovea from one to I DOt bar. In each be sees what la going on. aud give bla orders. Theu he move on again. The Milwaukee gypsy, n solid business mull, who comes home now with the story of John Smith's amazing wealth, saw him at Orizaba. They became great friends. '(iod alone know bow rich I am. " said Smith. Mluipty. "but I think I am the richest mini ou the continent." Smith waa plainly dressed In a ault of BngHah tweed, with bobuall shoes. Hut Ills home was n revelation. Outside It was n veritable fortress, with stout vvallsof masonry. loophoM fordefense. If necessary. A two-story wall Inclosed It lu a space as big aa two blocks, and a great moat surrounded tbat. I bote were the regulation draw bi Idgcs ami pi.rtcllll-.es. Two massive luner doors barred the InBt entrance. Once open It was n wonderful place, with a coiirtjard In' the center, where played perfumed fountains and where n beautiful gurih n A in i i I mi. i In a Mine. Professor Weed, the noted geologist, recently bad a thrilling nnd linlr-rnlsing experience in Hutte. He WSJ defending a mine on n Indder and when several hundred feet down the ladder partid, leaving Ii I in suspended In the dark. He hung to the round with nil the ten acity his lielng was capable of. determi ned to strain the very Inst drop of bis vitality lu the hoie that succor would come. He cried out for he'p. but the deep, dark walls returned his voice un answered. His whole life came back to Mm In vivid retrospection; p TSptratioO dripped from his forehead aa he realised that only for a short time could be w lib stand the awful strain. And then he dropped, Four inches below bin be struck a heavy body, which afterward proved to be the globe. st taea or Ob rial in Italy, Italian Catholics pcopoea to celebrate the nineteenth century by erectlni nineteen colossal statues of Christ in conspicuous iMilnts of the peninsula. Among the places selected arc Mouut Sorntce, the Orau Sasso ditalia, and the toe, the heel, and the Instep of "the boot" The atatuca are to be of gilded caat Iron. "I wonder If all men are foola," Htppil Mrs. Enpeck during a little do mestic tiff the other morning. "No. In deed, my dear." replied her husband. "I know a number of men who ara bachelor!." Even when a man doe nave grest new throat upon him be really taiuki be achieved lk ward lli- w liidow . and to my honor I found tin t I had largOttOB to put down the curtain, .ind. aa Ii Seemed to be. the entire po. ul itlon of London wa taking lu mv tlrt night I had beta unc, on. iouly acilug. with ihe light full up. to an astoBlahod nu dli u e who had Unt paid for (heir ad mission. Aa I tore off my wig and beard a shout went up. Qnlekly palltai down the curtain 1 threw melf on a chair, overcome with MrtMcataM at Ihe occurence. "In a few minutes the comical aide of the picture presented Itself, aud 1 1001 bare laughed foruu hour. I had been Buffering from an attack of uervmis dyspepsia couai-qucut Upon I he excite meal Of Ihe iiit week, and I llrmly lc lleve that lb: continuous tit of laughter eared me. "Joseph JaCarsoa'a "iu-m- lulaceucea. On one occasion the Prince of Wales vlatted a Hindoo achool lu Minima. The youngsters had been drilled Into Ho propriety of aaylng "Your royal high neaa" should the prince speak to them, and when the helr-iipparent ai-coatod a bright-eyed lad. and, pointing to a prla malic compass, asked, "What Is tbla?" the youngster, nil In a flutter, replied: "It's a royal compass, your prismatic highness." llols-rt Hllllard. the actor, brought a young Englishwoman to MO "El Capl tan." She waa much Impressed with De Wolf Hopper, and remarked: "What a charming man your Mr. Hopper Is TeH me. Is he mnrrled?" "Keen mar rled three tlmea." waa the reply. "Three tlmea!" ahe repeated; "and the are all dead 7" "No." waa the answer; "di vorced." "Ah!" she rejoined, "I Bee; he la a Onusi -Hopper." A young lady, who hnd greatly en Joyed John K Olid rick Hangs' House grew. 1 lie entire Inclosure was paved ' . , . with brilliantly pollahed onyx-the I wrl"' ttw 1 ' -r.-a.msj w . - , l. .. . .!,.. w.M light. She ended ber letter with: 'I It,,,.-. ii i i i i in . umi i - 1 (lid so nun ii enjoy HAD TWENTY-FIVE BABIES Ii Mr one of hi mines. r.veii the stai'lc where Smith's herd of pet Jerseys Were boused had the tuimc costly flooring of onyx. Servants lounged nl out, but one of the old man's eccentricities was to have hi ovvu children wait upon him at table. It was an lucougruoua picture to see him clattering around on the splendid Homing In his coarse suit aud hobunlls, while a soft light fell on the strange scene shed by grcnt candelabra of solid gold from Ids mines. Smith Is an English gypsy. He went to Mexico before there were any rail ways there, nnd was the flr.-t man to haul machinery from the coast to the gold mines which BOW yield him nn In calculable Income. He got In on the ground floor on everything that has made Mexico so rich today. Hut hi life has been a series of ad ventures. Twice he Im been shot down by Mexican thieves who attacked hla gold trains. He waa left for dead each t i 1 1 u . All the gypsies lu Mexico ure wonderfully proud of him and call him "Our John."-Mllvvnukcc Cor. St. Louis l'ost-Dlspntch. IMMENSE SPIDERS. Insect In Ceylon that Are lleyoud All t'oiniiiirlMoii. Ear up lu the mountains of Ceylon there is n spider that spina n web like bright yellowish silk, the center net which la five feet In diameter, while the supporting lines nr guys, UK they are caiiini, measure aometlmei ion or twelve feet, says the Cleveland Leader. nnd. rldlngqnlckly lathe early morning you may dash light Into the stout thread, twining round your face like a lace veil, while, as the creature who has woven it takes up his position lu the middle, he generally catches you rltfht In the nose and. tin ugh he seldom bites or stings, the contact of his large body and long leg Is anything but pleasant. If you forgot yourself and try to catch him, bite he will, and, though not venomous, his Jaws are iim powerful as a bird's beak, ami you ure not likely to foPget the encounter. The bodies of these spiders are very bandspmely decorated, being bright gold or scarlet underneath, while the upper part Is covered with the most delicate sine c hired fur. So strong ate the webs that birds the size of Inrks are frequently caught therein, and even the small but powerful sealv lizard falls a victim. The writer bns often nl and watched the yellow monster measur ing, when waiting for his prey, with Ills legs stretched out, fully six Inches striding across the middle of the net and noting the rapid manner In which he winds bis atout thread around the unfortunate captive. JEFFERSON'S DEBUT. How He First IMnynl Kip Van Winkle Ilia Audlenre, "My approaching appearance wastbe Important dramatic event of my life. I had been live years from America and waa on my way home, and I felt sat Istlcd thut If this new version of 'Hip Van Winkle' succeeded in London my way waa quite clear when I returned to the Doited states. "On Sunday evening, being alone In my lodgings, I got out for my own admtratloa my new wig and beard, tin pride of mv heart and which 1 was to use in the last act I could not nlt trying them ou for the twentieth time. So 1 got lu front of the glas and ad Juatad them to my perfect satisfaction. 1 soon became enthused, uu I hcg.ui uct blg nnd posing lu front of the mirror. In about twenty minutes there came a knock at the door. " Who's there?" said L -It's me. If you please,' said the gentle but ag tilted voice of the llbaillllllimahl "May I come In? -O-rtaluly not. 1 I replied, for I bad no desire to be seen In my preseut makeup. " 'la there anything wrong In the room. alr V a d ahe. " "Nothing ut all 00 away. ' I replied " "Well. air. ' she continued, 'there' s polio-man at the d.sir. and he Bays as 'ow there's a crazy old man In your room. s-Blngln' of bis arms about ami , a goln' on hawful, and there a a crowd your ilniis.il it ou the Stlcka.1 " Mr. Hangs polltoly an swered: "Hear Miss: If you have stud led mythology, and without doubt you have, yon will realtaS that considering the ungodly heat where those Styx are supposed to be located, It would be Im possible for them to rapport the house boat until my Hue were tlulshid. Your truly. J. K. H." The late Hull McAllister some years ago entertained a vlaltlug scientist at the Dillon (iuli. before Its amalgama tion with Ins Padtte, ami daring lbs evening a particularly foggy 000 made some wiiltnslcul remark convey ing the Idea that fog was un excellent conductor of sound. The scientist took exception to ihi novel theory andasked Mr. McAllister on what It wa based. "On phenomena w hich we have all ob served." returned the ready Jurist; 'on an evening like this we hear the fog born unite distinctly, but when there Is uo fog we cannot hear It ut ult. An Iowa Judge recently related an amusing Incident thut had occurred lu Ills court when s colored man wa brought up for some petty offense. The charge was read, uml as the statement "The State of Iowa against John .bines." wai read In a loud voice, the colored man's eyes bulged nearly out of their sockets, and he Seemed overcome with terror and astonishment. Win n he was asked If he hud anything to say. or pleaded guilty or not guilty, he gasped OUt! "Well, yo' hotiuh, ef de whole State o' lown Is BgtO tbla one pore nigger, I'se gwine to give up right now." An English pollOI Inspector being In formed thai a hotse beeper was serving game out of season, visited the restau rant in plain dothe ami ordered dinner i "Walter, partridge for me." The Inspec tor Mulshed his dinner leisurely, nnd then said to the waller: "Ask the pro prietor to step Hit way a minute." "What for?" "I wish to notify him to appear In court to-morrow nnd answer for selling partridge out of Benson. I am a police otllcer, nnd have secured the DSCessery evidence against I1 in." Walter "It wasn't partridge you bud." Police inspector (nneasllyi What wai it then?'' Walter (cheerfully) "Orow." The Inspector swooued. Disraeli. It la said, laughed only once I In the House of Commons, (ilndstoue i had made nn linpaasloned speech In I favor of the union of Wallachla and i Moldavia. IHsraell pointed out that the result would lie the extinction of the Independence of these people, and the only thing left would be the remorse "which would be painted with admira ble eloquence by the rhetorician of the day." In reply. Mr. O'adstOOS aald that he would not be guilty of the affected modesty of pretentlng to be Ignorant that that designation, "the rhetorician of the day," w-na Intended for hlinsi lf Mr. Disraeli Interrupted wilh the re mark: "I beg your pardon; I really did not menu that." Oladatone'a face ex pressed amazement and Indignation, and Dlarsell sat down with a satisfied mile that told of hla enjoyment. Mr. gwsrt wosdi Married .'i Has .'' i Ivlas I nlldrsa Mrs Samuel IWMtWOOd of Wilkes barrs, Pa i the mothar f ins largest family in the I Bltsd State. Although u comparatively young woman, bating only 41 year old, the I Ihe mother ol twenty lite chlldreu. tweuty of whm are living. The youngest I only u tew week old, and give promise o( being. I ke his brothers uu I all M, bale and boat ty. Mr. Swart wood las renin ikatdy well preserved woman. She wu mar lied wliiu very young, ami her llrt baby waa born fourteen moUtbl after bet marriage. There have been but Dvi year since during which the house hold baa fulled to be blessed with a baby. These year were is't, v, lv7, isvs. and is;;. Hut two "f then were lu succession, ami lu the succeed lug year twins were bom Of Ihe entire twenty the children there were but the two et of twills winch were born In lvl and IVU tin, of each act of twin I dead. Mr IwartWOOd can recite the hour and day each child wu born. Hegardlug her uiarrbd life. Mrs Swill (wood talked freely. "I WU liuir rled when I wu II year old. I lOVOd Will when I was a girl and I wanted t, he u, ,::...! Ever lUMS we have bOCS very happy, and I would not chungi places with any rich woman. Looh ut thesechlldieul Ain't they ruin-enough. and every one living at home except the two girls that got mauled. It'r ulce for father and me to have them all here, although It do, crowd u a bit. We haven! got it big house. BJ you can Sec. and every bit of the spare Is used. Walk into the dlulli,; loom there and look at the table." It wa n table to look at. of generous width and very long. It bore platOS and kulvcH and fork for twenty two H-ople At Interval were great piles of bread. "It keeps me and the gills pretty busy looking after the ditng imil washing for our big family,'' rcHtiiiitd Mrs g wart Wood when I came out of the dining loom, "rather makes nboul i) a mouth, and Ihe boy bring In aboal f-11 a month, ami while wa get along nicely we have nothing to spare. We've given all the children as good Schooling us they call get around here." Whal do you think of married life?" I ventured to ask, 'Well. I ought to know. I guess. Who was It said mairhd life was olio long, wcct dicntu .' drover I ic elaml. want It? Well, 1 agree with him It has been to me. Every woman should get mauled, I think. I don't know much abOttl the new woman, but If she don't believe lu married life I (lou t want to know anything about ber. What's us happy us having children lo love von ami you loving them? None of my children has been a source or grief, iroiunc. or anviety to me, nnd I think Qod has been especially kind to give me so many, Yea. sir. you can put me down as believing lu Hi married woman who believes in baring children." Mr. BwartWOOd, Is an engineer on the lersey Central railroad. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. MUMORCUS PARAGRAPHS FROM I HE COMIC PAPERS. ririiduni in 1 1. nl- Oosarrlag World Over Say baaja that Are thttr fill lo 'Ol ur Vituug I un n , Hclec- He... MSI I O. ,1 . I. Will I...J .. "Wheatmore." aald the tall broker, "was a sipiare man." "Yes." responded the abort broker, who waa thinking of aeveral wheat deala, "and hla harp 'corner' often rublH-d against us." Vriir Uniting. Caller Do you have many trntislent boarden here? Landlady Oh. yea; we frciiuently Ti: - people atop here a day or so w hile they have a prescription tilled In tin drug itora opposite. HntokliiK MunMii. Dliiny At th' battle av Manila Dew ey signaled "Yo may folre, Orldley, w bin ready." Lam Will. If old bin tirldlev. i'.l rather be'd signaled "Ye may amoks, Orldley, whin ready." Not III Hie Tenter. Ida I. uther la not frank. He never aays or doe anything right out. May No, lie even part hi hair on the aide. Skin Ounir. Stonewall What liiut Ah do wld dee hyur skin, mammy? Mammy Tun doflk Stonewall Tsndsml Ah ain't talkln" bout blalckle. mummy. Hunt I ml i in IlllulUh. Nothing V. . "It seem to me," aald the readme boarder, "that In neb wet climates aa the Philippine our soldiers abould tar their lent to make them waterproof." "Perhapa they do," rea tared the mi In black upcnder. "Anyway, we are lold tU-1 they often pitch their lenta." I An Kvll DajTi Sandy Tikes llllly. It give me de greatest satisfaction to fall asleep Sat unlay night an' wako up de followln' Tuesday, Hilly Coalgate- Why ao, pard? Sandy I'lkea 'Caua' den I'ae oncon ( lou of Monday, de w uh day. brnr lo HI, Edmund What qi r aubatance la that you have on your dek? la It a lump of acorched glasa? ("holly Aw. no. deah chap. I bought that from a peddfath. He aald It WSI Weally a genuine chunk of Lunuon fog. At the BstrltaalUtk -. .m. c. ltd ! i-s f:i.;;' i 1 iiii n is;"".! Shakapi-are and Hasltatlon. An amusing pa-r entitled "Shak sjicare and Sanitation" wa read at the rocanl provincial meeting of tin- Incor porutcl Society of htsdical Offlcera of Health at Stratford on Avon. Among other thing the author related the following "it I Interesting to find that the name of John Sh.'iki-urc, the fath er of tin- poet first appeal! In the rec ords of the municipality na owing a fine of twopence for having made a dirt heap, with bla neighbors Adrlen Qulncy and Henry Reynolds, In Benly street; nnd on another occasion he stood amerced' In tOOrpSBCS for fall ing to keep bla gutter clean." It .lo Insp iration BBd the Ocean. LU-ut. Maury calculated that, If an Inch of rnln fell over a fifth part of the surface of the Atlantic, It would mean an addition to Its volume of .'uyi.Ouo.fsiu tona of water; and that. If the aame amount of water evaporated from the ocean. It would leave liWJU,000 ton of aea ealt The patient usually has more confi dence In bla physician than tb latter haa Lu hiuiastU. HANDSOME GIRL'S REVENGE. lo. i. Wee Hue Man Who KajOJrOd III Too, Aa oou aa the good-looking girl entered the cur the live young men oil the opposite Neat begun surveying her with critical eye and she hadn't yet made out whether the bald-headed man with the inedlcnl magazine was to be Included lu the lot w hen the conductor c-llliie III for his fare, snys the Deliver Nevva. The girl opened her purse ami began to take out latch keys, samples af ribbon and little meinoranda In the tisuul way. ami the five young men nulled, each after hi own particular style. Bald-beaded waa out of It, The girl didn't see any of the smiles, but -he caught on Just the Mime. There Waa a nickel all ready for her lingers, but w hen one pah-die. d young mini added u giggle to Ills smile the nickel was thrust aside for n f'J bill. She lldn't band It over to the conductor us ahe tlshed It out, but bnnliu forward with u winning smile ou her face, she iSgen at the bead of the Hue ami asked "Will you please be no kind na to i-haiige this bill for me?" It was luiHiHslble. A young man with only u dime lu his pocket ha BO show to bust a bill. The next one bud . quarter but be bail to decline, anil so It went to Nn. ft. HI hand Bought his pocket as his turn c-n inc. but It didn't bring up any change. The smiles had been replaced by sheep sh look mi l they rubbed elbows and trod on each ither's feet 111 trying to look out of the windows. There was n long minute of painful suspense, and then the good limkllig ghl handed the bill to Ihe COO din-tor. She hadn't n word to say to the five young men who bail started out In life so guyly. but bald hearted bud. When all was over he turned hulf ui-otind und growled out: if I were you fellow I wouldn't try to be bo blamed smart next time:" Hui'ceece tlslnrd In l.arly l.lfn. Although moat author do not achieve distinction until they reach middle age, many case an- on record where .(.oing men have done able work. Dickens wrote "I'lckwick" when he waa 21 year of age. Itnbert llrowullig pub llshed "I'bmccIbub" when he waa si, to say nothing of ihe Immature "l'aul Inc." written when he waa 2. Nothing that Mr. Swinburne has writ ten la better than "Atuluntn In Culy don," and It wu published when he was 2H, and after In- had written much other verse. 1 lie lute l hrmliili Kuki t tl published n lssik containing some of her prettiest ism-iii when IBS WBS only Id. The "Defense of fliilnevere" wa given to the world by William Murrl when tin- author n but 2t. Oar entry PaiOMrS wn already a contributor to manv lending magnzlnea when, nt lie- age of 21, hla first book WBI printed. Lord xntmysoa'i early effort nre wall known; nnd although Oliver Wendell Holme did not win fame na a poet till after middle nge, he wu a writer of verse In hla undergraduate dnya. (ieorge Men-dllli wrote "The Ordeal of Richard foreest" befnsa be wa .ii; and Robert Looll Hteveuaou won hi flrat suee- when 2H. There la more fun In ahootlng wild du'ka than then- I In entlng them. Widow (who has called for the spirit of her late husband Just a n servant stumble lu the outer hall aud fall against thedoorl Qfoat heavenal That I he. and he la already drunk again. Meggendorfer! Banuhrlstlacha ltiaet- ter. Every atheUie ovvrdotaa, that works la aoou Elrst Hindoo -Have you eve been for a boetaaltl Second Hindoo Oh, yea. lirst Hindoo How did you enjoy II? Second Hindoo 1 did Hot like It; It I too horrible. The boat Is going upside and downside, and your Inside la going lii-nli- and outside! I'utiiii. Ilciivjr Attain.. "My doctor la a bird!" exclaimed the Woman with the capsule. "A regular pelican f grunted her hus band. "Why do you call hlm a pelican. Archibald 1" "Ou accouut of hi big bill, Eva." I., ll lk-hlnd. Btubb-Thw Shamrock ha three leave, hasn't It? Penn y-. it left Rngland) it left America und left the cup. CnsalSB Tluir W'uf. Bender i he slur are kind tbla year, Old (imp. Tippler In what way 1 Bender They are aspect ad to full Juat before daybreak ou three dale lu aucceaalou. Who ny we won't alt up and aee them through big glaea? Ainithvr I'mlilcm. Sin- A mathemutliiun ha figured It out that a man 00 years old ha Ipsa I three year of hi life buttoning his collar. He la that so? 1 wonder how many year of her life a woman of 40 ha wasted In putting her hut un atralght. CoilBolullllll. "I told the bo that when I entered hi employ I wa a young man. Now, I have uo hair on my head or teeth In my mouth." "What did he say7" "He gave me Ihe card of a dentUt and a w lgmaker." Wonder, No hi Bride (during tiu booeymoon) Look, Morris, even the sun laughs Morris Could he do otherwise, If he look nt us. Meggendorfer! Humorbv tlaehc BtaetteTi OultiuaMil. Nextdoor I huveu't henrd your dog burking ut night for souk- time. Homer No. Hues the poor fellow got dlSCOUngSd. We have twin nt our liOnsc, now, you know. -Chicago News. in uid Wlasnsrl. Mr. Hoodwln Here' n ipinrler, poor num. Hut tell me, pray, what ever brought you to tbla miserable state? Dusty Ithoades Mo nillenuoheel. ma'am. I wu toitrln' t'rough town, an' I nxerdeiitly stray'd cro do llii", avu? -I 'hlcngo New a. in Herri Ptaateasla "Cut out that Dutch nnecdote," aald tin- stage manager to the comedian. "Why, Isn't It all right?" asked the laugh maker. "No," replied the manager. "It'a get ting to I- u Beer." Ort-iit tVriiier, Quite a mammoth cat, Dlggs. What do you call hlm?" "Oom I' ill." "Hecuuae he hn whlskera?" "Yea. ami SaCBBBC he lick every En glish bulldog ou the avenue." To Kular llruna. Mrs. Onicike trending iiowapnper) -There arc UMMN Polea lu I'hlladelphla. Karuinr oatcake- Uoah! what a place to raise titans 1 One of Many. Quadda Hello, old boy! What are you doing now? Spacer -Writing for the press. Quadda Don't you find It rather thankless sort of work? Bpacet On las contrnry. nearly ev erything I write la returned with thank. t'oniiinrntlvrlyr Hpraklna. "He I honest enough. He paid me a dollar he owisl me w hich 1 had forgot ten." "'os, be did the same with me, and then borrowed five more." I'hlladel phla North American, Proof Bealttss "Y'cs," said the Bcletitlllr passenger. "It la a well established fact that dark- haired women have much more violent tempers than their blonde slaters." "Are you sure of that, mister?" naked the meek little man across the aisle. " There Is no doubt about It. my dear air," aald the S. 1'. "Hut have you a personal Interest In the mutter?" "Well, yes," replied the meek Individ ual. "I've always suspected that my wife bleached her hair, and If what you say la true I know It now." lroof Wunled. Professor-1 love you, Theresa what a pity It Is that 1 cannot dcuionatrate It to you mathematically. - Ellcgcnde Blast tar. In Ihe Neck. "If you want u dinner," said the prim housewife, "take this ax nnd " "Siopl" cried the duaky pilgrim. "I can't cut wood." "1 don't wish you lo cut wood; I want you to decapitate a turkey." Watered llsnk Stork. Tom nip l'op, what Is wntered bank stock? Tommy' I'op-Why er didn't you ccr hear of the Hank of Newfound land? BUB away and play. iu- w'ua OossnoUod To. Physician You should repose on the right side only In order to enjoy u good night's real. It I positively injurious to He on IhiIIi aide. Patient Hut how can I help It. doc tor? You seem lo have overlooked the fad that 1 a in a lawyer. This llniiuenetl In I'm-lon u. Hotel tiiieat in lire alarm sound) -Does the tire department here have any difficult! In locating a lire? LBMOord Not any more than In any other city, I iqppooe. Hut why do you nk? Hotel Quest - Well, If so smoky here 1 don't see how they ever find the fire. to One M. in'- Vlrw. Sli Is u woman's privilege change her mind, you know. He Tee, and bag age, too, but ahe tukea her time lu doing It. II, .w Publicity Was Hei-nrrd. "How did they manage to get the par ticulars of their elopement In the pu- H-ra?" "They arranged all the details by tele phone." Cleveland Plain Dealer. DOOM .- of llirtha In Kurope. Aiiulyta of the otflclnl figures of different BuropOBB countries, lu re spect to birth and death, shows that tin- country 111 which the decrease of births Is moat striking la England, In cluding Wales, whose coefficient of de creaao la 0.3ml per one hundred; Scot land, whose mean birth rate I nearly the same, decreases but 0.027 per ouo hundred; and Ireland, whose birth rate la much smaller, decreases only 0,'JSS per oue hundred. Somewhat after England and Scotland, but before 1 1 eland, are found Holland and Oer mnuy, having a coefficient of decrease of O.ICli ler one hundred, followed closely by Belgium, 0.02311. Then, pass lug by Greece, come Prance, whose natality decreoaea auuually by O.OITU H-r oue hundred. After Prance comes Kuaala, 0.0158. Sweden 0.0M7, SwiUer laud 0.0128; und luat come, having less than 0.01 per one hundred, Denmark 0.0078, Austria aoon, Pomeranls 0.0033, and Hungary 0.0034. On the other hand, an Increase I noted lu Italy and Spain; while Servla and Nor way are nearly stationary.