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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 23, 1899)
Eugene City Guard. I. L. CAMrnKI.L. rrprltr. eucene ary Oregon. There wn a dress before there was a loom or a faibiou-plate. Wacn It cornea to modifying election reiulta at times the btok counties are anything but hack numbers. Do not Jump at conclusions. When man flatteringly tsys that you look like reaily money he may mean 30 cent. . The editor of an Kaiitern paper has discovered that Dewey turned around la "Ye Wed." We fancy we see the editor turning Dewey around. The trouble with that Chicago man who accumulated forty-two wives waa bli failure to Interlard hla marrlagea liberally wltb Chicago dlvorcea. Evil wins now and then, not because It Is stronger than good, but because good docs not realize Its own atrength. and does not use It to tba best advan tage. One New York railroad wanta to abolish sleeping and dining car Upa, but so far aa the result Is In the hand of the waiters and portera they may bo expected to bold out to the end. A California mlulster has denounced kissing gamea at church eoclala. This, however, Is not given as the reason for the removal of the author of "The Man with the Hoe" from California to II rook I j n. Isn't It about time tbat aometblng were done to make It difficult to obtain carbolic acid? It can be bad for the simple asking Id almost any drug store, and thus an easy way of "shuffling off this mortal coll" Is practically placed within reach of those who are weary of life. There would be fewer suicides If carbolic acid were difficult to obtain. There are few more successful meth ods of duping people, In their dealro for wealth, than for somo Irapecuuloua trickster to tell them be has a "aure thing" by meana of which they can epeedlly get rich. They never atop to ask why be docs not make himself rich, although the precept, "rtiyelclau. heal thyself I" Is so old and hackneyed. "We do not suppose," remarks a critic of fighting, "the majority of ue have any overmastering desire for the fierce delights of pcrsoual combat." The black eyes and bloody uosus of our youth remain ns a vivid memory. Mini, when he Is grown, prefers the lighting at long range, which Is one of the re sults of Invention and the higher civili sation, lie cau get all the fuu out of II that is In It that way. A recent expose of the brutal treat ment of privates In the army of Franco by their officers gives new emphnala to the danger of arbitrary power. It Is also reported that In Austria tho cus tom of (Mixing the ears of soldiers and recruit hns lieon so common and so violent that thousands of them hnve suffered such Impairment of their hear ing ns partly to unfit them for service. The minister of war ha recently laaucd prohibitory order. "One of the remarkable sights of the presently Is that you don't see auy bicycles, remarked a gentleman. "And still more remarkable," he continued, "Is the way American people take up a fad and run It Into the ground. Four years ago the bicycle was the crate; I" fore that It was tennis; now It Is golf, nnd the l.onl ouly kuowa what It'll he next. Hut from a clotbea ataadpolnt golf la the captain of 'em all. A man's golfing suit and his fixings make his bicycle rig-out look like thirty cents, as the saying Is. And the women ain't far behind." A census "family" means the number of people who sre fed from the sumo pantry. A hotel, a boarding-school or a prlsou Is a family In the eye of the census. Domestic servants are always counted as a part of the household with which they arc living. This use of tho term makes the average site of the family In a town which happena to have a great Institution unusually large, but In the long ruu It works out about even, since actual families must l' reduced In number by so much to supply the membera of these Inordinate ly large families. Dame Fashion, who It not only whimsical and eccentric hut frequently very unwise, has made a departure In the matter of omen's skirts that must le commended. By a recent trade, ukase or decree the good damu has or dered that the skirts shall lack a cou ple of Inches of reaching the ground. This Is most sensible. There never was any reason why a woman's skirt should lie so long as to touch the ground any more than there Is for mail's coat tails touching the ground. A few skittish old maids may take a duck lit when they Imagine someone can sec the iocs of their shoes H'cplug out from under their draperies, but unless the foot is tantalltingly small ami poignantly well formed little attention la ordinarily glveu to It. Mr. Porttr, the lulled States Atuliaa ador to France, has reported to the Hate department that tho grave of John Paul Jones has been discovered In I'arls. If there is no mistake In the Identification of the grave Congress ahould not hesitate to take prompt ac tion for rvhurlal In this country and the erection of a fitting monument to the memory of the great sea fighter, who was the first to make the Stars and Stripes respected on the seas No naval hero has more worthily earned the gratitude of the American people than the lion-hearted sailor who fought the powerful Serapls and Its consorta With that rotten old hulk, the BOBbOMUH Richard, which apparently was no bet ter fitted for a fight than Kipling's old bulk of Bollvtr Ilay. Truth should be double edged, and ent b.iib ways. Now there's tbe bird question, l'osslbly the time may come when women will not allow them to be klUed for their adornment nor will men kill them for the pleasure of kllllug something, says Beacon. I bave never been able to understand why It It not ss well to preach against the enormity of shooting birds for fun aa for shoot, lug them to make women look prettier, but 1 notice that the emphasis Is all placed on the latter. Probably the pigeon that Is shot at In a shooting match does not enjoy It any more than the hummingbird which Is killed out right for a woman's hat. yet for one word that Is said against the former Instance there are hundreds aald against the latter. I suppose It It easier for a man to preach for bla alster't lieneflt than to practice for bit own. But constant agitation may In time cure both evils and so educate man that he shall see no pleasure In killing help less birds and animals without any purpose other than sport A Newark (N. J.) court bat admin Istered a new nnd most effective cor rective for Juvenile crime. Five Iniys were caught stealing fruit from freight cars and arraigned before a police Jus tice. When proved guilty the Justice sentenced them to twelve lnshea with a policeman's belt. It It said tbe young culprlta were perfectly aatlsfled with this method of punishment and agreed they would behave themselves In fu ture, while other boys who have been In tbe habit of misbehaving have sud denly manifested a violent and uncon trollable desire to reform their babltt. A thorough tpanklng by a vlgoroua po liceman It a much more salutary form of punishment for a young boy than tending him to an Institution where he will learn more deviltry and practice It when he la released. For extremely youthful persons bent upon going In the wrong direction there Is nothing so certain to turn them Into the right road a- spanking. It la much more effective than Incarceration or milk-sop rem edlea. A Cblcago deutlst and Inventor dating to have discovered a method by which tbe soft coal of the west can be euo cessfully coked so that eoft coal coke will be equal to hard coal coke for blasting and tmeltlng purposes, la commenting upon this discovery the Ottumwa, lowo, Courier remarks that If the discovery Is practicable, tbe Iron Industry will witness a great change, and the production of pig iron In the Western Status where soft coal Is plentiful will be vastly Increased. L'p to this time the great Knstern Iron making centers have had an advantago over those of the West. Both have de pended almost entirely upon the Lake Superior mines for their ores, but the Eastern Iron furnace are locuted so much nearer the great sources of the coke supply of the world that they have had n great advantage over tbe Western furuacea. If the Cblcago man enn do what be promises, however, the condi tions will Is? Just reversed and the West will have the advantage over the East. Tbe bituminous coke can be made for from $2 to 12.50 per ton, while the anthracite coke costs $5 to 15.50. Pennsylvania Is a great Iron manufacturing State al most solely because of the fact thut It Is the grcut anthracite coal center, and ben this new coking process Is brought Into use there Is no reason why the West should not become a great Iron manufacturing section. East year tbe Western furnaces tuielted but one tlftb of the Iron ore taken from tbe great Irou mines In the Lake Superior region, but now that they can product their coke nt home, Instead of ablppiug It all the way from Pennsylvania, they tuny 1st OipOClOd to take a large share In ah the Induatrles to which Iron ore gives rise. sio.lv of Hhakspeare. "Tbe practice of reading nloud In small or model ate sited gatherings Is In every wuy to be commended," writes Sir Henry Irving, of "The Study of Shnkspeare lu Small Communities," In the Eadles' Home Journal. "It Is good for tbe Individual, good for the mem bers of the group, good for the locality, good for the nation. No community cau be too small for the practice of reading In public. If there be only two per sons, ench may, lu turn, learn some thing from tbe successes or failures of tbe other. No one need be dltlldent at the beginning; there Is nothing really dldlciilt There Is no arduous labor; there Is no possibility of absoluto fall uro where there la houcst, cureful of fort. Any form or subject of reading, worthy In Itself, cau be of use for tho ttudy of elocution. It Is, however, pos sible to get together groups of persons Interested In somo common theme, when the mere gettlug them together without such nn agglotnoratlve cause Is lacking; and Sluikspcnre hna beeu, Is, and ever will be, a name to conjure with. A play read weekly or monthly, with tbe various characters allotted be forehand, has been a source of much and continuous pleasure, productive of thought and study, ameliorative of do fectlve power of utterance, a win nower of the chaff of harsh accent or ultra colloquial mannerlam." The Becoml Nun, The man who scorned the deadly mines and led his tleet ahead, Who instituted to arrive before the foe was out of bed, It great, but would you rather be the ndmiral to day Than the boy who can afford to give tlx million plunks awuy? O, the Knlser on his glided throue is quite tt personage, i And so la he who stands supreme upon the mimic stsge, But would you rather be the kulght or emperor, to-day. Than the DOJ who can afford to give six million plunks away? I There'a CtisinlH-rlaln and Edison and Kipling with his pen. And fiery little Fuustou and the other famous men ' Would you be one of these Instead (If you could choose, to day.) Or the boy who csn afford to give six VaUUm plunks sway, ' And has some ninety millions left to keep him feeling gay? Chicago Times llersld. A (lortreous lllojcle. A gorgeoua bicycle hat been sent from France to an Indian Hajab, the parts which ou an ordinary machine are nickel plated being made of gold. Even tbe spokes are cased wltb gold, while the gold -cased rims are atllddcd alternately with turquoises and rubles. A scarlet clotb held down wltb Jewels covera tbe saddle. The one great drawback about loaf ing la tho unsatisfactory compensation. MYSTERY IS CLEARED WIDELY SOUGHT MURDERER LO CATED IN ALASKA. Principal In One of America's Most Hen aatlonal t'uae Found, After Eleven Years, but Again Escape Interest ed TwoContlnent. One of the most sensntlonal murders lu American criminal history was that of Amos J, Sm ll, In Chicago. In 18K8. More than eleven years, many of which were spent In a vain attempt to run down tbe murderer, have since elupsed nnd now comes a clew to the whereabouts of the much-sought for Criminal. A returned miner, William Itlgler, from the Cnpc Nome gold dig gings In Alaska, gives the Information that may yet lead to the arrest and ronvlctlon of the murderer, Willie Tas cott According to Klgler, a man wns car rled Into his cabin last fall In a criti cal condition. Tbe stranger, believing thut he was going to die, said that bis name was Tascott and ttiat he was a fugitive from Justice for the murder of Amos J. Snell. He told of several cir cumstances connected with the crime, mentioning the fnct that 150,000 had been offend for bis capture. Iustend of dying, the stranger recovered nnd then mysteriously dlsupieared. Klgler and bis partners nt once took the trail and sent word to all the near by tylnlng cuinps, but could get no trace of the missing man. It was plain he had not taken refuge In any of tbe mining set tlements along tint coast or In the near by Interior. Cape Nome It on the tea coast, and after a long, fruitless scorch Rigler and bit fellow trailers became mand any of my own -congregation fsr Interrupting mo In fear that I may be addressing an Idiot, who Is not rtapOaV tlble for bis actions." Silence reigned throughout tbe deliv ery of the remainder of hit sermon. London Spare Moments. WM. I.IK TASCOTT. IAS ho appeared st the time of the rotiraVr eleven years ago.) convinced that Tascott hnd made lilt way out to sea lu a -mall boat and boarded some passing whaler or trad ing vessel bound for the Arctic. He would hardly run the risk of remaining In Alaska, when bis story was known all over tbe country. Amos J. Snell, for whose murde: Tascott Is wanted, was a rich man, well adviin I In years, who lived In in old fashioned mansion at tbe corner of Ada street and Washington boule vard, Chicago. He was a large owner of real estate lu the Immediate vicin ity, the renting of w hich wns conduct ed lu an office In the basement of bis house, due night In the early part of February, 1888, three men broke Into the Shell residence by boring a bole through a panel In tbe rear door of tbe tower tloor, and then slipping the bolts Their first move was to break open nnd rltle a small safe In the office. In which It was supposed Mr. Snell had consid erable money taken In for rentals. Next they went upstairs to the parlor floor, where, In moving around, they were heard by Mr. Snell. Tbe latter, a brave, daring old man. came down from bis bedroom In bis ulghtrobe, pis tol In hand, and cried out: "Who's there? Ah, you d d scoundrel." As he spoke Mr. Snell fired n shot In the direction of tbe back parlor, which was answered almost lu the same flash by two discharges from the burglars' pistols. Snell dropped dead with two bullets In his body. The murder created tlj most Intense excitement all over tbe West. The reward of $50,IKH) stimulated the po lice to unusual effort, but for two weeks not the slightest clue to the mur derer wns obtained. Then the keeper of a lodging house on West Madison street discovered lu the stove In n room lately occupied by a man called T. A. Scott the end of a charred check bearing the signature of A. J. Snell. A quantity of stolen silverware was also discovered. "Scott" had disappeared, but It took little work to Identify him as Willie Tascott. the son of a reputa bio pnlnt dealer. Young Tascott was a wild lad, well known about town. He never did any regular work but always had plenty Of money. Burglaries had been frequent on the West Side and It was an easy matter, In view of devel opments, to trace most of them to Tas cott Search wns Immediately begun for the murderer, but although circulars descriptive of him were sent to every city and luitnlet lu the country and to Europe, Asia, Africa. Canada aud Cen tral and South America and no less than $"o.lHSi was expended be was never apprehended, lie was seen twice after the crime, but the second time mysteriously disappeared and un til the miner's return was not heard of again, l'ull.v 8,000 men w ere arrested on suspicion In various parts of the world. Where Tascott Is now Is un known, but Search will be resumed aud hopei are entertained of ultimate cap ture. A FEARFUL SENTENCE. A Remarkable Condemnation Made bjr a Judge but Not Executed. Judge Benedict, who waa Associate Justice of the Hupremo Court of New Mexico for thirteen years, from 1833, was sn original character In many 1 ay s. One Jom- Maria Martin had been convicted In his court of murder under a state of facts showing great ' brutality and with no mitigating clr- , cumstances, whereupon Judge P.ctie dlet sentenced him to death lu the fol lowing language: "Jose Maria Martin, Hand HI Jose Maria Martin, you have been Indicted, tried snd convicted by a Jury of your countrymen of the crime of murder, and the court Is now about to pass upon you the dread sentence of the law. As , .li . . , , n . i .. i, i - a usual iiiniK, jum' .iniui .tumiu, n m a painful duty for the Judge of a court of Justice to pronounce uion a human being the sentence of death. There Is something horrible about It, and the mind of the court naturally revolts from the performance of such a duty. Happily, however, your case Is relieved of all such unpleasant features, nnd the court takes positive delight In sen tencing you to death. "You are a young man, Jose Maria Martin, apparently of good physical constitution and robust health. Ordi narily you might bave looked forward to many years of life, and the court h.-j no doubt you have, and bave ex pected to die at a green old age; but you are about to be cut off lu conse quence of your own act Jose Maria Martin, It la now tbe springtime; In a llttlo while the gratt will be spring ing up green lu those beautiful valleys, and upon those broad mesas and moun tain aides flowert will be blooming; blila will be tinging their tweet carols, and Nature will lie putting on her most gorgeous and most attractive robes, and life will be pleasant, and men will want to stay, but none of tills for you, Jose Maria Martin; the flowert will not bloom for you, Jose Maria Martin; the blrde will not carol for you, Jose Maria Martin. When these things come to gladden the senses of men you will Is- occupying a apace about tlx by two lienenth the sod, and the green grass and those beautiful flowers will be growing above your lowly head. "Tbe sentence of the court Is that you lie taken from this place to the county Jail; that you be there kept safely and securely confined lu the custody of the sheriff until the tiny appointed for your execution. Be very careful. Mr. Sher iff, that he have uo opportunity to ce cals and that you have him at the ap pointed place and at the appointed time. That you be so kept, Jose Maria Mnrtln, until Mr. Clerk, on what day of the month 1(hs Friday, nbout two weeks from this time come? ('March 22, your honor') very well, until Fri day, tho 22d dny of March, when you will be taken by the sheriff from your place of confinement to some safe nnd convenient spot within the county; this is within your discretion, Mr. Sheriff you are only confined to the limits of the county; and that you be there hanged by the neck until you are dead, and- the court was nbout to add, Jose Maria Mnrtlu, May Cod have mercy on your soul, but the court will not as sume the responsibility of asking nn All Wise Providence to do that which n Jury of your iers has refused to do. The liord couldn't have mercy on your soul. However, If you belong to any religious organization, it might be well enough for you to send for your prhst, or your minister, and get from him well such consolation as you can, but the court advises you to place uo reli ance upon anything of that kind. Mr. Sheriff, remove the prisoner." It Is n pleasant sequel to this dread ful sentence that Jose Maria Martin escaped from Jnll and died peacefully several years ago by falling out of a wagon and breaking bis ueck. Ameri can Bar. CORN IS KINO. Interesting Fact toniernliig the Oreat American Staple. The word ma lie Is derived from the Greek word tea. It Is not definitely known where tbe plant bud its origin. Humboldt asserts tbst It Is American. Other writers claim that It originated In Atla, whence It was brought Into America by the Spanish explorers. There It nothing so far discovered In the records of ruins of Egypt to ludlcnte that the early dwellers along the Nile ever knew of the grain. In an ancient Chinese book, however lo be found In the French library at Paris, corn Is incnt oucd. In Cb.le corn has long been grown, and It Is called tea curuquti. There Is nn old Juvsuese legendary peom, "Manek Mnyn," which likens the grain of corn to a maiden's bioth, and to-day, In certain parte of the mid dle West, there la a variety known as "horse tooth." Most of tbe South American Indians know of corn. Some make a sort of beer from It A Qulcba legend snys that Con, son of tbe Sun and Moon, gave mnlte to man. The Iroquois Bay that corn waa given by the Spirit of the South. One of the snake legends of the Moqul Indiana telle of tlx bachelore, Ked Corn, Blue Corn, Yellow Corn, Green Corn, Spotted Corn and Black Corn. It It not alone wltb the Indians that myth and legend endure. To-day farm ers of New England, and. In fact, lu the newer Weet, hnve their manifold "slgna" for tbe planting of corn. Uo through the agricultural regions and you w ill beur them talk of planting "In tbe full of the moon." and the like. Among tbe German tettlert. In certain localities. It Is believed that In select- lug seed-corn for the next year's corn all the stalks and refuse must be taken Into the highways and Instantly de stroyed, but not by buruitig, ns that would Insure the presence of the black fungi, or "smut," as It Is provluclally termed. Corn Is the great stnple of the Uulted States. It Is the most luiportnut pro duct of the American coutluent, bo It grains or the output of mines or factor ies. More acres nre devoted to the rais ing of corn than III the annual yield of oats, wheat, bailey, rye, buckwheat and cotton combined. Corn provide more imployment for laborers, provides uio.e work for distributers and makes basis fur more industries and activities than iny other American commodity. In the past thirty-seven years tbe vnlue of tbe corn output hns been 118,000.000,000. Last year (181S a corn farm of 0.000 acres lu Iowa raided n net profit of 150, iK). About 3.SOO ncres of corn were actually planted. Thirty-one planters were used to put the seed In the ground, seveuty-slx cultivators did the "tetid lug" nnd seventy-five wagons liaul d the crop from Held to cribs. To bold tbe corn cribs twelve feet wide, sixteen feet high nnd bnlf a mile long were required. The corn yield of tbe United States for 1800 Ih estimated nt 2,050, 720,000 bushels, the number of ncres planted being 81.550.000. Corn Is king. -John L. Wright, lu Leslie's Weekly. OUR BUDGET OF FUN. His Handle, p. "A funny story that I could not help but laugh at was told by n traveling salesman at a local hotel," aald the ! Man-about town. "It happened during his last visit to this city. He arrived at the Heading Terminal at.d ha led a hansom. The driver, who seemed to i be a good-natured chap, was tongue- tied aud stammered badly; of course that was no fault of his. The drummer told him that be wished to be driven to the Continental Hotel, and tbe driver answered, using his hand and emitting all sorts of noises: 'A-ll r r right. s sir." "The gehtleuiiiu stepped lu and off 1 they sped. After driving some time the hansom came to n standstill, the driver Jumped from his seat and the visitor stepped out. Looking about he noticed that they had gone some distance be youd the hotel, nnd he remarked this to the driver. The driver nodded his head and answered: i -it t-t-t-tOOl m me me a B all this d distance tt-too s-s say w-whoa!'" The lut rruptlons t eas d. a clergymen who had been greatly annoyed by the continued Interruption to which he had beeu subjected during the delivery of his sermon, stopped abruptly, and looking round at the con gregatlon, spoke as follows: "Some time ago, when delivering .. sermon, 1 was frequently Interrupted by a gentleman sitting In front of me, who gesticulated, moved about, aud whispered to his neighbors, and at last I addressed to him a sharp reprimand for hi unseemly conduct. When the service was oier my rlerk In the vestry mentioned the matter to me. and asked If 1 wat Ignorant of the fact that the person addressed was sn lit let. 1 have since then slways hetltsted to reuri Disappointed OHO of the officials of the Canadian police at Niagara Falls tells the follow lug story: A Herman from Pennsylvania blew lu the other day and asked the olllcla I -If there was anything about the place worth seeing: "You see," be Stlld, ' It's shust like ills My Mente nnd frau told me I should take Id In. uud 1 vnnt to take evcrytlng In der Iss to tee. Doy did M der was sounding great here, mi l 1 forgot Id already, uud 1 haf walked all ofer uud tee nodlngs." The visitor was nt once taken to the finest view of the falls, where he stood a few minutes looking around. "Well" said his conductor ut last. "Yell." returned the man. "I sec nodlngs." "Don't you tee tbe falls?" "Vot! Pot voter falling? Iss dot vat I cum all dls vays to xcv. a llddle vstct dripping V Ach, Cott! 1 go me home." Columbian. All German lloyt lain Trade. Every boy In Germauy, from tin crown prince to the meaucst subject. It obliged to learn some useful trade. The women's Idea of a HHr Christian Is one who keep on her kid gloves at a church social, aud bosses the rest The Stage. The stage continues to form the mir ror of fashion. One need scarcely take In a fashion paper If one pays constant visits to the theater. Here one enn study all the varieties of la mode and the latest and newest designs. Ench play seems to have Its own specialty In iress. Its favorite color and Its favorite lressniaker. Possibly spectators never give a thought to the fact that these constant shangee of costume form no Inconsid erable portion of the fatigue Incurred by nn actress In a long nnd heavy part Dress cannot be slurred over now. Gowns must be Inccd and buttoned up, gloves, shoes, hats, petticoats be worn to match. It was different In the good old days, when actresses shuffled one gown over another and fastened them lightly with a button. The Japanese costume Is one of the most Intricate; The real Japanese lady wears three gowns, one over the other, n small por tion of each showing at the neck, the gowns being artistically shaded, say, from pale pink to deepest rose, or from violet to sky blue. The chemise, too, must match, nnd a special touch of ieep contrnstlve color It given by tbe waistband. Nutritious Footle. Trof. Atwater, who has devoted him self to the study for a number of years, declares that there Is uo single perfect food, the nearest approach to It being milk. No food, however, contains the essential constituents In right propor tions, and thus we have to get what we want by combining our foods. It will be a shock to many thrifty house wives to learn that beef nnd eggs are among the greatest of all economical mistakes. A single dollar spent In wheat-Hour will yield as much nutri ment ns $.10 spent on sirloin of beef. Sugar ranks ucxt to wheat-flour as an economical food, for a dollor't worth of sugar contains as much nutriment as $0 worth of milk, $12 worth of eggs, or $40 worth of oysters. In proportion to their cost oysters nre almost the least nutritious of all foods. Beans and po tatoes run a close race for the third place among valuable and cheap foods, and the fourth plnee Is shared between fat. salt pork and cheese mntle from skimmed milk. Warships Injured by Electricity. An Italian court recently, after a trial, ordered the removal of some wooden yachts, whose bottoms were sheathed with copper, from the neigh borhood of Iron warships anchored In the harbor of Leghorn. It was alleged that an electric connection was estab lished through the ships' cables where by the copper-bottomed ships were turned Into the poles of a galvanic bat tery, the result being a rapid corrosion of the Iron In contact with the sea water. The Dewey Plant. A blooming plant, with clusters of blood red tassels depending from Its glossy leaves. Is to be seen uot fsr from Broad and Chestnut streets. It Is lab eled "The Dewey Plant" In conspicuous letters. Six months ago the duplicate was seen lu auother part of town, with an Inscription declaring It waa "Admi ral Dewey's favorite flowerPThe plant Is a native of the Philippines islands. -Philadelphia Record. HUMOROUS SAVINGS AND DO INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelcts that Are Buppoaed to Have liccn Kecentlj Horn -Haying and Doings that Art Old, Curlou and Laugbabls-Thc Week's llumor. Old Beau-Ah. Miss Clara. I lore you. May I hope to some day cull you my wife? Miss Clara-Have you spoken to my mother on the subject? Old Beau-Why-er-yes, I believe I did some twenty-one years ago. Mont of Them Do. She Do you bellevo that man sprang from the ape? He No. But I believe all women spring from the mouse. He Waan't to Illume. "Sir." began the tramp as he stepped In front of a pedestrian, "I've seen bet ter days, and " "Well," Interrupted the other, "you needn't blame me for It. I'm uot tbe weather man." An Awful Mow. Larry-Wholle Ol win hllpless In th' chair thot barber give me a tlrrlble blow In th' face. Dlnny Ye don't sae? Larry Yls, an' Ol wudn't hor molnd ed It to much If th' son sv a shuvlu' mug hodu't bin atlu onions. All Fulr i ..line. Louise There they go off to pop at tl.e pntridges. Polly I wish they would stay at borne and pop the question. Fun. Turning the Tables. Hlx Weeks tells me he has met with serloue reverses recently. Dlx Sorry to hear thut How much did he lose? Hlx-Ouly his freedom. Dlx Why, whut do you mean by that? Hlx lie married his stenographer. Dlx Hut where do the reverses come In? Hlx She dictates to him now. lb mo Uo Hugger. He Speaking of aulmals, which Is your favorite? She The bear. He Oh. yet, of course. Some people are willing to let a good excuse answer for good conduct I. ess Nolac. Btubb isn't the baminerless revolvei s great Invention? Penn- Yes; but think what n great In veutlou the hammerless anvil would be lodii the I nil in in e. Mr. Bender-Marcha, I thaw some thing th that made m-m-my hair sthaud up straight. Mrs. Bonder Well, thnt shows your hair Is better off than you are. It can stand up straight The Hidden Hern. Sirs. A. Yewed? What an uncommon name for a baby! Is It Swedish? Sirs. Z. No, Indeed! Just read It backward. Isn't so bad, Is It? UowAfrlcan Explorer Can Travel Safely New York Journal. A Gentle Hint. Frank -Blanche pinned a tiny flatlrou on my coat last night. Dick Do you know what that means? Frank No. Dick Why, she wants you to press your suit. Settle Up. Iteggy-I am tewlbble short, doncher know. If SIlss Ylolette was to Intimate a cawwlage wide ther'd be the deuce to pay. Cholly Yeas, dear boy; and there'd bo the eawwiago driver to pay, too. Foundation of Itcllef. "Don't you believe lu stgua?" asked the superstitious man. "Oh. yes; largely decorative ones par ticularly," replied the ruddy-faced Indi vidual. "You see, I'm a slgu painter." Philadelphia North American. a Orcut Oversight, Ida Here is an account of a woman who went to sleep, had n terrible dream and woke up to find her hair was white. SlayIt's her own fault. I suppose she forgot to apply the hair dye before retiring. A Long Kile. Visitor I suppose you consider this a model prison? Warden Yes, sir; we are very proud of It. Visitor Suppose I tell you that 1 ssw a file within the walls to-day. Warden-You did! I ll Visitor Hold on! It was a file of prisoners going hreskfssL Tl.. V. a m m mm nare. Old T.ndv Mhiimt...... . , .... jUUi IK)n, you never hear of little Brt ,h' ' ' stones snd killing birds. "N Bad Boy-Course yer don't! w saw a girl dat could throw . ttralght ernuf to kill a bird? "I The Kind The Keep. Jack-Uemember, darling, th,t diamond la a secret. Ida-All right, dear; rett assure., I will keep It Felt for HISS. SIobbs-DId her father ppees that bo had to turn you down? Blobbs-Well, he felt for me "So?" "Yes. with his foot, aii he n me, Philadelphia Uecord. Work Hoth Vuj. They say thnt Charlie', Wfe na rend him like a book!" "Yes, and she can shut him m. .... one, too." Moonshine. Bore Thing, Mist Hltts Do hutnorlsti Joket at their own expense? Mr. r unston-8ure. All Joke tht publishers decline are at their own peuse. Mi I Ilia Vncutlon. Patlent-You should hnv.. p. inc. Inf. the army, doctor. Doctor Why to? Patient Judging bv the charge your friends you would be ablt to completely annihilate an euetiiy? Not Kqnal to the Emergency, New Cockatoo Doe th r-lrt u- n- with seem clever? Parrot No: I've been her.. she bsau't got me to ttop twearlnj yet Versatile. Ilosdus de M amine What ! mm repertoire this season, old msn? Barnes Tormer I In mint .,.t nii Tom. Indianapolis Journal. Restful Kvenlnga. "Prosperity brings peace." "That's so; the man next door It so busy now that he comes home at ulghl too tired to practice on bis cornet." Agreed at 1 -i-t. He Well, my view Is that tber should always be give aud take be tween h isband and wife. She Sly Idea exactly! The huitatid should give aud the wife takc-SIoou-shine. A llachelor' Romance. "I came pretty near getting engage once." "Why didn't you?" "The day I made up my mind to p' pose to the girl a man came along att asked me to go Ashing." On the Safe Side. Sirs. A.-l always clip out the stocl yard news and the weather report be fore Willie sees tbe paper. Sirs. 8. Why, dear? Sirs. A.-Because I don't wl'h Mm read "blood and-thunder" traah. All AbliiM. , Manager-Did you see those sleepmi cars that were reported on tire? Engineer-No. sir. When I got then tbey were sll smoking cars. llrought the rclng. Ida-I don't know what to think o those waiters In that dining-room. Mny What have they beeu doing o: late? Ida Why. I was sitting in there UK other day when I remarked to Jack the my hair needed dressing. I thought more of It until one of the waiters np peared with a bottle of catsup and said "Here Is tbe dressing, miss. Auytuluf else? Model Pedestrians. Prospective Leaser Are the trauii" bad around here? Landlord-Bad? Why. sir. they such good trumps that they are o' satisfied with one Sunday, but aotm"' keep seven to the week. Not one do a hand's turn on the Sabbath. W,rt Meeklng Sunken Treasure. Soundings aud d vlnt;s aretakliigP'1"'' near the Island of Terschelllug. i" tbl north of Holland, at the spot where Freucb warship sunk Just 100 yej ago. She was loaded wltb silver and gold to the amount of 40,000,000 francs or $8,000,000. Tbe captain's "" " lions tbe amount, and as early as IW French sailors succeeded in bring "S " the surface a bar containing 1.8OO.0W francs' worth of gold and silver in-"1" In 1850 and 1S00 a private undcrtakiM succeeded In raising another 1 francs value. The warship sunk In feet of water and divers have grew difficulty In working nt such a deptn Dynamite Is now being used to IW M up the Iron cases. Its Value Is Overetimtrd. An English scientist shows that WJ" air cannot do Uie great things expects of It as a source of power or of refrlg eratlon. Tbe cost of manufacture such that It ennuot pay to use the sn produced by the evaporation of tm liquid for tbe propulslou of nn engine For refrigeration a lump of ice b. su I bottle of the liquid ulr