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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 9, 1899)
A LIFE-LESSON. little cirl; don't cry! j have broken your dull, I know; ,1 jr..ur "". thing of ,De ut cbildUb troubles will ooD paw There! UtUt fir!; don't cryl . iub oMi don't err! .. hnfeaa ymr simc, i ktion- . the !. . .cnsdglN llliJS There! uou 1 cr'; Htt'.e W: ,,OD 1 rry! ' DIV,. bivkt'ti your besrt, I know; . -l . itilMiw rla ml I )' ' " f vitur yulllul 1 (IlI11B .UM II I'll l"HK Ilk". lin'.- . - . ... i h-i '' no. a u ii for wnicn you jtrr,.; liltle girl; don't cryl 'RASTUS. S ARTL'S wai born during the OJ Him t-V..in Hhnr. nviiuriiui uaja .. ...... mnn marched to the sea. ami birthplace wa lu the contraband i.t i in- mioke of burning L . ...i t-1 1 1 1 1 ) 11 1 i ir sound or Lu . Uninll wonder. tlll'Il. V 11 . 1 1 K m t from bis earliest waiting uuys Emus was tilled with tbu martial pplm IrVhlle other plcknnlnnlci were plny- Wlth IllUd pics. "UBius WU parun- wlth a crooked stick for a gun and hit the Mir Willi ins iii'ut ci'inunmns nu Imaginary squad of faithful bluck i'ciir Ink de debble win In dat . . ( ..I.I I ;.. a....,! .. tiu Fa .. Li.. ...III.... nn. .... In fr.mr H ll'il 11 t.i i .1 . i . i .i i i 'I'lin oi'" the cabin. "He dun gotter noahun dut brnck akull dat he's gwlne I' a mjer." . . I ii .. ..... I . I ....i Mt Miit nitlAn nth the kinks of hli thick hair. I "Dat 'Rnitui boy he don t appeah t I wutb shucks, aald Kastus uiotuer V. V T JLiLlii . ,nLLi .. ti n nmv mil. smri . rs ' . u ITAI.WART MAX WITn KI.1KT H Ml; ISAI'S DPM Id HUB AST WORK S. J Ul II7U, UB .,11 .1. MW J - by mid noted that her boy bad no m t . , i mti r I riismI ti n ru iiir in a. i in i lui i v i In the vicinity durlUR the reeon- -I i . I ...hull tin. riifiitiu tin i nini v v m v u - - . t ... i 1 .i -i. . U..itli civil law, 'lUatus continued to avoid at nfc wica umi In Ul r ao mib a Va - - And o the yearn went by. 'Rastus I A . ,1 kla l.ln..U mnA t 11 1 n iv i uv'v,, A a km t Inn nt 1aln0 "l 1 0 O I n nu m t.A i .. iiu i" lit n 11 r iiir It was only when the militia pa- . . Ml I P 1. ... ,-K with Hiltffltl tnad on Memorial day -a in a.... t.,1! .,, ll,')if...l mi Thittl . I . .1 .... n.itmi U If lit I'l Ii I sinunuMitMi ii i awn n in. i. i.i mv" . .a i , . . . , .. . .,:ti, ti,.. .1 rn m iBd Imitating ttie unirormeu men L.I n.lti ali athniM linn And the dny that the lenth-tne brave L I I .n ,.-.,, ll ,...:,,.! 'Una. . t.l I. a klut.iff I1 a ftW Hie 1 Hilt K lllllll a uioiut j , avuu i .A At- - nn ).. Klo..lr A.I A I A- - . rho donot platform, and his dusky After the train had gone 'Itastus wa W ln III 1 n' M'flJ . A few days later 'Rastus mother re- . I I.AA.. tk. aim I. Oil a la t.xA Wmm thn liir i h i m n uu Di'jiii a u'i In the Teutb. The Rnioke lnr thick above the lines of the Aruerlcnn army, stretched out around tho base of San Junn Hill. .Stretched out In a long, thin line at the front lay the famed "Hough Rid ers," awaiting the signal to sweep up the hill In the face of a flre whose like had turned back seasoned veterans of many wore ngone. Back of the "Kougb Riders" lay tho thin, blue lino of volunteers, whose black powder made them easy marks for the Spanish sharpshooters, and In L. a . . i. ....I We renr. eyes nun ievm kk-uhhuk. au treat!) coming In labored gnsp- oe- MM thick Hps, lay tne uiacK line oi lliit.irv w.ms nbout to be made, and a . . I.... r n riil lwii ti Ihn lI llll" liam'U " Art-- v' " O- - U'lm tti. .'.immnnd? Hod onlv I UU AUK HI. vmmmwmmw, . V nows. But some one gave It, and with a whoop learned on the great ranches of the West the "Rough Riders" start ed up the flame-swept hill. A dash of a few yards, a halt to flre, and then an other dash. 8ee them fall! See ihe line waver! Where are the Tolun'rers? There they come strug gling and straggling each man for hlm "'lf. for the officer, have dlsapiieared. Brno men are th -v. but what can Jien Co In ; time like llila without leaders? -an the "roueh riders" live through that awful fire! Will help never come? Ah. thsnlr C!nA Thau la I'm tvlM weird shout of the "buffalo aoldlera." Uaar them singing as they rush o their death or to a glorious victory. I'orgotten are the years when the Hag that led them was a flaunting lie. For gotten are the day when oppression under that flag was their lot! Rem. m ored only Is the fact that under that Pi -re to-day freemen! And on come the gallant black boys, sweeping through the ranks of the brave but disorganized volunteers, up again. t tho uuverliig line of plainsmen ami city men enlisted In the "Hough Btdtn," who will lie wiped off the earth lief ore they full buck. A braver charge was never made than that of the Tenth on that awful day when Spain's hold lu the Western hemisphere was loosed forever, and her days of cruel oppression ended within sound of Ihe shores where freedom reigns supreme. Aud 'Rastus! The sound of the first shot awakened within him the mania: spirit boru with bin In the contra baud camp within sight of the camp tire of "L'ncle Hilly." The command to "forward, charge!" filled his soul with glee, uud up be went, forgetful of alignment of everything but bis honuden duty to ballast with Uucle Sam's lead as many "Spnnyahds" as possible. On he goes, kneeling, tiring, running, kueellug mid tiring again, un til the barrel of his Krag-Jorgensen blisters the palms of his black hands. Sec, the man with the colors Is fall Ing! Hut the loved emblem does not touch the ground. With a wild sboul 'Rastus seizes It He drops his ride and with his disengaged hand whips out his revolver aud goes ahead. Ilia comrades white aud black see the colors advancing, and they spring for ward with renewed zeal. There Is no color Hue on that bloody day. IMrt and dust and powder siuoku make white and black look alike. See, the Spnnlnrds are deserting the last Intrenchuieut They ure fleeing In dismay before the strange enemy thai tires aud comes on Instead of tiring aud foiling back. A stalwart man with kinky balr and gleaming eyes and glis tening i. id a man who bears In oue band the colors of the Tenth and lu the other a clubbed revolver lenpi upon the breastworks. A Spaniard thrusts at him with shining bayonet, but Is beaten down with the butt of the revolver. The staff of the Teutb colors Is thrust Into the bank and the klnky-balred mnn la over In the trench es, grappling with the Spaniards who have remained to prove that the spirit of old Castile has not wholly died out. And when the conglomerate mass of black soldiers and "Hough Riders" come up to the colors and seize the trenches they see in the midst of a circle of dead Spaniards the prostrate form of a black, klnky-halred soldier, and they knew he was of the gallant Tenth. "Ah reckon, I gotter few o' dem Spnn-' ynhds faded," gasped t he dying trooei 1 as be gazed at the waving folds of the flag bis hands bad planted on the Span ish earthworks. And white and black alike stooped over 'Rnstus and with gleaming eyesj watched the life of the brave black man go out beneath the Aug he bad hon ored. Yes, the "colored troops fought no bly" that day as they have alwuyi fought when called upon to tight uudet the ting that was once the emblem ot their oppression, but to-day tho em blem of their freedom. And In nu humble cubln there sits an old black mammy whose chlefest treas ure Is a abort letter written on a scrap of brown paper and signed by nn offlcel of the Tenth. It told her that 'Rastui was dead "died on the field of battle." Omaha World-Herald. COINING OF WORDS. SOMETHING ABOUT THE METH OD OF COINING. Oriuin of Biiin tenrasatatM Bon They Are (rafted I'tsin the l.unuimur A Lontz List of ColluqululUm. uud from Whcui'C Thcjr I'umc. lie Merely Hid n't lb ink. Used to let his poor old mother go snd carry in the wood; She was just n pnekhorse fer him, but he never understood; Never thought of Mafia' water from the spring down by the lane; Or of helpin' her to gather in the clos' be fore the rain; Let her keep n mntin' on him, though her back was n. bin' so 'Twasn't 'cause he didn't lore ber he just didu't think, you know. Then he went nwny and married left her IMn' there alone 'Course his wife she didn't want her she hnd ptopla of her own And he carried In the kiudliu' aud be built the (ires, too; And, to tell the truth, I dunno what there was he didn't do Had to hustle, now, I tell you! Got to thinkin' too, at Inst, That he might have been a little mite more thoughtful in the past. After while the weary mother put her burdens all away. And we went and heard the preacher praise the poor old soul one day, And 1 stood and looked down at her when they pushed the lid aside Toor old hands 1 didn't wonder that her boy snt there aud cried Just as if he couldn't bear it just as If his heart d break He had kind of got to seeiu" what she'd suffered fer his sake. There's a lot of kinds of slnnln' that the good book tells aliout Sins coucernln' which a body needn't CTer be in doubt. But there's one sin that I reckon many a man who doesn't think Will 1 held to strict account fer when he goes acrost the brink For the wrong tbut's done a person by another's want of thought Hurts as much ns though the injured wai the victim of a plot! Chicago Times-Uerald. ( For Young Men. Cultivate a pleasing address. It Is a great essential to success und one thing necessary to It Is the ability to eipress your Idea In good, plain, smooth Eng lish. When you speak let your lan guage be the exact expression of your meaning. Don't muddle up what you have to sny, nor abbreviate nor tell the same thing over twice. Formulate your Idea. That Is, get a clear conception of your meaning yourself. Then say what you think lu the plainest way you can. Avoid the use of large words the meaning of which some of your bear ers may not understand. Speak so concisely aud clearly that If what you say were written It would express your i.i... .THCtlv. Then besides clearness there Is In conversation an elegance 1 that marks the good conversationalist i To acquire this you should make a care ful study of the dialogue in gooo Dooaa. Listen to good speakers and try to catch their style. Get Into a way of putting what you have to say In a .month, pleasing way. This requlrea tudy and careful observation of others and constant vigilance to avoid awk ward phrase? and sentences, but you can Improve youraelf in this way If you are willing to undertake It The faater a man's gait the aooner uiiefortune overtake hla. Within the last fifty years over V 000 words and phrases have crept Into the English language, some of them for but an ephemenil exlsteinv while Mbtra which but a short lime ago wcrv classed as slang or vulgarisms are to day permanent parts of the language. Vnless the origin of a slang word It known It Is almost IlllptmltlU to tell ttOW long It has Nvu in use. Many words originate in one part of the coun try, where they may keep their pecu liar significance, but by the time they have traveled a few hundred miles they have an entirely different meaning. The following are a few examples of modern slang: "Cinch" for sinecure, "come-on" for one uninitiated In some game or DOalpcfi; a "gissl thing" or an "easy mark" for one peculiarly gul lible, "up against It" and "on the hog." The phrase, "ou the hog," which means to be financially cnibarnised. origi nated lu Chicago several years ago. when the price of pork fell many points on the product exchange. Of course many persons who had bought pork when It was high lost considerable money, and It IteoaJM common to say. "I hear so and so lost money 'on the hog. Con game" Is another expression of Western birth. Several years ngo there was n well known curd sharper In the West of the name of Connor, but In-tter known by his nickname, "Con." His cleverness at cards liceame so w idely known that any pet ton who was thought to be jmr tlcularly sharp at card playing was suld to 1h playing a "con" game. The word "Uigus," meaning counterfeit or false, though commonly used now, wns looked UKn at one time ns lielng ns In rlcgant an expression as con game Is tolay, and Its origin was somewhat similar. Over a half century ago n man of the Mm of Dofghttt did a tremendous business In the way of supplying the great Wit and portioni of the Southwest with counterfeit bills ami bills on fictitious bunks. WtttMBr era fell Into the habit of shortening the name to Bogus; and Ids bills, ns well as all others of like character, were universally styled by them ns bogus currency. The word "lolwter" has come Into use lately as a eonttmp tuous adjective. This word acquired the latter day meaning on the race course, when track followers got Into the habit of snylng that n slow horse ran like a lolwter. Slang words keep coming Into use among the Illiterate every day, but only the more expressive or forcible get beyond the place of their origin, and when they do they often travel so ipilckly that It Is Impossible to truce them Imck to their source. Sometimes they are transmitted through several generations before they are finally tak en up by stump orators at political meetings. They are next heard on the floor of Congrtst. Quoted by news paper! thejt become familiar to all, and take their place In the eolloijiiiul lan guage of the whole people. The following Is a list of colonial isms which are In common use to-day: Aliout right, across loti. all sorts of, to back out, backing nnd tilling, to twlk, lieo-llne, ns the crow flies, Isms nnd to Ikjbs, to carry away In the sense of to move to ecstasy, to catch up, to cave In, to clear out, meaning to do part; conniption fit to corner, dead head, to dog, don't amount to much, to bo driving at, dyed In the wool, to face the music, to flre away, first rate, to fix (In the sense of to put In order), flat-footed and hot -beaded) to keel over, to keep a stiff Upptt lip. km-o high to a mosulto, a grnsshopjier or a toad, to leave out In the cold, to let up (meaning to release), llckety-spllt, like a lsk, as to know like n Isiok, to kxif and loafer, to lobby, to lynch, mnd for angry, donate for give or bcuneath, and no two ways about It. There are a goixl many expression which come Into general from techni cal use, such as the following from trade usage: To discount, the balance, From shipping: A No. 1 (first used In Lloyd's register to designate a ship of such fitness oa to warrant the low er rnte of marine Insurance). From toe law: Aforesaid or said, as, the said man, on the docket, entail for value, claim for maintain. From the church: Ou the anxious sent, to lmss under the rod, advent, neophyte. From mathe matlcs: To differentiate, for to make a difference bet ween, minus, aa to come minus your cMldrtn. From the stock market: To appreciate and to depreci ate (for to rise and to fall In vulue), to aggregate (aa, the sales aggregatisl 50,000 shares), to take stock In, nlsivo par. From the race course: Fit, for In good condition. From mining: To get down to tied rock or hard pan, to strike a bonanza. New York Sun. railings and balustrades will also bt or fireproof Material, and before accepted will be Ihnroiighly tatted at the ex-H-use of the contractors. All decora tive canvas, awnings and canvas eov-! ertngs Mat! Ik- fireproof. All tltllllll Inlttllltlon of cables, lamps, wires and ' conductors lu Ihe interior of the build ings must lie put up under the taper vision of the director of exploitation. aii motive power wtii i.c admitted only under rigid conditions. The use of celluloid In lamps, globes, balloons and Other fum y apparatus for lighting dec oration will l- forbidden. The regula tions for beating uud lighting provide that It eau only Is- done by gas or chv trlclly. The use of hydrocnrburels, olla and petroleum, acetylene gas mid other gases than coal gas Is positively for bidden, either for belli lug. lighting or motive power. The construction of meeting halls, cafes, concert halls and theaters must lie of lire proof Material) and the theater curtain must lie of Iron or asln-stos cloth. The lighting of siieli placet will lie exclusively by elec tricity. A tire service a nearly per fe. t as possible will bg estahll-h .1 u!i a Water piping and pressure sufflcttnt for firemen's servho. The RilmtnlMm Hon assume the right to enfmie any measure that may lie deemed ntcst sary to assure safety. -Iron A;.v MUSH CURES A SICK SOLDIER. Kitfhth Illinois Private Tells of Cubun 1lo.iltul KiH-rlence. He claimed to be oue of the Eighth Illinois bojri and was always telling stories of his thrilling oiperlMeM In Cuba. He was as black at aoot and he bowed bis teeth and rolled his eyes and gesticulated like the end man of a minstrel troupe. And thlt It one of the stories he told: "Well, sah, we Wot gynrdln' a hull army uv Spaniards up at San Louie an' dt grubb wuz DOWthfUl tKKiah. Dt A TITLED PHILANTHROPIST. I inilltr HUMOR OF THE WEEK s-htninii-luuiin PROVISIONS AGAINST FIRE. The Restriction to lie Enforced at the l'arl Kl position. Intending exhibitors and visitors from the United States to the Furls ex position lu lboo will lie Interested in t knowing what arrangements ami reg ulations will be made by the Trench authorities against tire. The I'arls ex position administration has taken all the measures possible to afford security I to exhibitors and visitors against tire ! at the exposition. Their regulations '. are rather voluminous, containing thir ty six articles distributed In six cbap tert. Thee regulations take up the openings and exit aud the stairways ' and doors of all palaces aud buildings. 'He y regulate the w idth of doors and steps. All exterior doors will open lu and out Iors opening only Inward 1 must remain open constantly. Emer- gency door will bear an Inscription stating th' lr purpose, and In ail ball I wayt and corridors painted arrows will Indicate the direction of the exit An emergency HghthsJ system for night ue will consist of lamp of one-candle power, bearing the distinctive red lor. All wood of the frame work In the buildings will be covered with an In tulatlug coat of non-inflammable ma- in .talrtraTi will be of fire proof material. The floor of all build lugt. pal aces, theater halls, cafe, con cert rooms, exhibition pines and ail .li Inn K tilinnitiimitiii, V he Travel. In I lo Q I. For a ammber of the oU world aris tocraey. accustomed to life lu Ihe court circle of Europe and a favorite with royally, to relln iulh lot pleasure afforded by society and. In spite of the protests aud perse cution of her fain lly. devote her time and money to rellev lug III)- distress of the poM and needy, Is an unusual occur reOCS, Thl. how ever, has iM-cti doiii by Countess Adeline Sehlmmelmauu For ihe past five years the CottStSSf aai iH-en traveling about the world engaged III gospel work. Her yacht was built for the rOttngStl brother of the PrtOOSSI of Wale, Prince Wilde mat of Den mark, aud It lite the Punish flag. The Countess has bttU In this country a year and a half Last winter she spent in Chicago, going there by way of 1st great laktS, and tddrSSSSd 111 meeting in that city. For three months her yacht was turned Into a public kitchen and over oO.inni bomcltSt men wire fed lu thl manner. She also gave $1).sm In charity. The Coiintes It of grmioui I appearance ami bears unmistakable evl j deuce of culture and refinement. She I Is of a literary turn of Mind, and sev eral tssiks from her h-ii have licoii giv en to the world. c, mutes Si'hliiimelmatin was born In Bcbleswlg Holttelu and at IB roan of tg! WM royal maid of honor at th court of Berlin. She became a great I favorite with the Ktnpres mid almi with the Itadert Of COUrl society. Het ; charitable work wa tiogun twelve ; year ago and ever since ber life has Uoen spent among the unfortunate. She STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. only nay we cud get up an appetite for subjected to perstCUHont by men bit l'ncle Sam's beef wuz to miss ra Hons for a day ah two. One day I wut told off to do hospllnl wuk, an' w hat do yo" tlnkV Key wuz a can load uv chickens eouio In nnd I had to help tote ev'ry oue uv dem fowls to de bos pltal. link uv wu'k like dat fo' a pooab Ita'TSd Diggah, sah. Well, sah. I win took tick, sudden, plum' In de middle uv dat wu'k. it done took two men, sah. to drag me to de hospital, nnd they had to take de clothet off me und put me to bod. "Long aliout mipp.ib time I smelt chicken. Yessah, I could smell dat chicken clean lu de kitchen. An' I Jus' sbet my eyes an' studied an' studied, nn' den I done t'ank de good Lawd I'M In dat hospltnl. Ien de smell done come closuh an' blmeby dey tole de chicken In. An' I wuz de nappies' nlggah In de Eighth Illinois. An' I done got mnh let-tie tlu plate an' cup. In mah hand. Au' what do yo' I'post dey give dl nlggah? Mush! Yessah, mush cawu mush." Here the narrator's face took on an expression of grief that was enough to make a stone Image weep. He waited till he COUld regain the mastery of his emotions. Then he went on: "Well, sah. Jus' about one houah latah I called de doctab nn' I sez: 'Duc tal!. 1 feel like I SWUM to git well. Ids ntu a p wailful fine hospital an' you am a isiwaliful gnnd doctnh. nu' 1 feel much bettah. lessah, 1 done feel so much recovuhed, sah, dat 1 feel like I should sullenly be up an' doln' my duty. Kin I git on mah clothes an' git back to gyardln' dem Spaniards, sah?' " 'Yes, sah,' sez the doctah, 'yo' kin. Yo' wuz Hiwnhful sick, too sick fo' chicken. But dat mush done fix yo' up quick. Yes, sah. I p'ououiice yo' con valescent, sah.' "Au' I done got on mah clothes an' got out." Chicago Inter Ocean. tiers of her ft mil 1 ause of her course and was even kMuaptd and thrown lute au asyiuin for the Insane. Government otlliials MCUrtd her release, however and her work wa COO tinned Tin OountSM will pas the wlnlcr In New York. Odd, Curious and Laughalile Thasr uf lluniau Nalure Graphically Tor IfSJttl tin Ktulnrul Ward Artist of Dur Dun Ha A Kudgcl of I Jullu. niy last winter's teal skin Is entirely too short." ' Too short? Well) can't you sew a turtle on It. or some of those bias band you women are always talking about?" DetTOH Free Press. 1. uiy. "Was It an arillle weddlngT" "Oh perfectly lovely! The maid of bonne walked up the aude just like one of those uutoinntlc toy." Detroit Free i'ress. liildrlnu I'mifldrnre. "it pays to be cheerful" "That's right; as long as you look as If you bud money your creditors have confidence in you." Chicago Record. ill (My Altersslirsi The lady What cSUStd you to be come a trump? The stamp I WIM drove nay from a hiuiiiv home an' forced to l-couie u wanderer. The lady How did that happen? TIM trump Me wife au' Mi MUddSf said dat I elder hnd tcr go to work er git out, an' I got out. New York Journal. Oevoi tmi Not Forgo ttsn. "How rnn a man petpetuatt memory most easily?" "By dying In debt."- Chicago Record Not RsSpSSSlBlSi 1 i . ... t ii in- and relln. Slubb- Dtwson speakt disrespectful of his wife. He refers to ber tt the old cat." l'eiin No wonder, when the Insisted up.. u naming the baby Kitty. Ill Htronic lint. I nwjrsf You say the miser kept hit gnlil In a strum; tn.x .' Wltnosa-Ye. sir. He kept It lu an empty lluiburger cheese Ikjx. i.i. ii Luck. Sam Daddy, dar's a man at de side show wid three feet. Daddy Huh: boy; daft nutuu fo' a ciillnd man to hub three feet. Sum How am dat? Daddy Why. he has two feet In hit shoes au' a rabbit's foot In bis pocket. An UsSSSS llnual. , nil THE TRANSVAAL RAID. ii... A Hiory of Madame l,attf. A striking ttory comet to ut anent Madame l'uttl, the renowned prima do iun, which la characteristic of her geniality nnd klnduest of heart. The Ineiimparable singer was walking out one day In the neighborhood of her ensile In Wales, when a sudden thirst allllcted her, nud she called at a cot tage to get a glasB of new milk When she bud partaken of- this wholesome refreshment she opened ber purse to pay the cost. Hut the peasant WOBMfl raised her band In gentle remonstrance, and said: "There la nothing to pay for the mil!;, but will madainc kindly slug to us one of her sweet aongi?" Fnttl entered the humble home, lifted her magnificent voice, and sung, In her most superb ttyle, "Home, Sweet Home:" The astonished nnd delighted cottag ers listened lu raptures, and tendered the distinguished visitor their warmest thiinks. Then, from an Inner apart ment, came n feeble voice, pleading: "Pleaat sing that again; It was heav enly." "That Is my daughter, who Is dying of consumption," explained the cot tager, adding, "She It so fond of sing ing." I'nttl visited the tick girl, sang the song again to her, and gave her a sym pathetic word also. Then she left. The milk had been paid for by melody for which many an eager agent would have forfeited a thousand jKiunds. Lincoln' I'roverb. An autograph itT which I should like to own wet shown to me a few days ago. "A. Lincoln" wns boldly slimed at the end of It, anil this wis dom was there, paragraphed In this wise: "Do mt worry. "Eat thr.' square mealt a day. "Say your prayers. Think of your wife. "Be isnirtisius to your creditors, "Keop your llgvatl:i giod. "Steer elr of bUWusress. "Exercise. "Go slow and easy. "Maylie there are other things thai your apef-lal case reauln to make you happy, but, my friend, these, I reckon, will give )uu a good lift." New York Not I'oMlble. Au English eirhange tellt of a cour teout retort which came about In a cast that was tried when the law courti were held at Wettminiter. The Judge wai t short-tempered man. and bad several dlffereneet with one of the counsel engaged before nlm. Al last he said. "I can teach you law. Brother - , but 1 cannot teach you manners" "That It to, my lord," wss the quick reasons. 1 .ii .i.i. Induced the liner to I ... I ,111. ., Ml. A most Interesting account of the manner in which the live of Jamteoo uud liis men were spared, after the surrender to the Boers, conies from the Menus Van den Dag. Amsterdam, by way of Ihe literary Digest: t he stern old Hoors, w hen thev had JlmS ton and Ills fellow Offlcert In their bauds, determined to execute the lend ers uf the band at daybreak. The meet- lug took plan lu President Kruger's house, twenty being present, of whom the great majority, wild with Indlgua Hon ul Hie sudden Inroad Into Ibelr territory, WON for shooting the llritish Dfflcert at unci1. President Kruger opposed this sum mury plan, ami Used nil his tloqUonat ami nil his Influence on behalf of the prisoners, l or u long time his cffortM WON vain. It was 4 o'clock lu the morning, ami the Presidents opponooti were still for execution. Thl live of the foreigners hung by a thread. At length General JoUDtTtt one ot the few who agreed with the President, had recourse to the old time Boer method of convincing bis hearers. He made use of a parable. "Friends," be said, "will you not listen lo my voice once more? Sup pose Hint dOM to my farm lives a bad neighbor , who keeps Bono hounds in his house, worrying my sheep cm .1 Ingly, aud also killing some. What, then, would you have me do? Should 1 kill the bounds lo be fn f Ibis worry? Truly my nelgblsir would say unto me, "Thou bast killed my hounds, yet their value Is greater than the value of your sheep. 1'uy thou me! Is It not belter i ha I should lake the hounds, and, going Into my neighbor's house, say: 'These are thine; now pay me for the harm they have done my flock f " Then wai silence, and the Omiral continued: "We have caught tin- pack. Is It nut ticttcr to send them to the British government with demuilds for reparation lest the Hrltlsh government scud more hounds to worry us anew?" The old form of argument proved successful. The wisdom of moderation became apparent, aud the council of wur accepted the ndvlce of their chiefs. Where I in. ..in lied. The house In which 1'rcslileiit Lincoln dli-d, hi loth street, bCtWOM E and I street, has DOtD renovated In accord an- i- with the act of Congress. The building wiih lu poor condition, mid win conspicuous among the other housei on the block for Its shabby aspect i '.. Ulngliam, of Hie Engineer Corps, has re portod to the War Department thai tin building has Imm ii put In excellent con dltloii. It Is now used ns a museum ol Customer-I don't like thou photo graph of my husband at all! Why. they lii.il. like the picture of a MOU key! Photographer I'M sorry, inndnin, but you should have thought of that before you married hlfltl Dot Floh. There Are Mirny Huch. Battleby How glum p...u i.i.i ChartM Bummers looked! Letherotit His vacation ended yet tciday. Bnttlchy Vacation! The chap hasn't been away a day this summer! LjStU ttOUl Yes; but bis wife gut btck yesterday. New York World. llutclier uud Hutchrrs. "I nn. lei -laud be Is not received Into Society because one of Ills remote UU Ccstors was a butcher." "Not exactly, it was because oue of bis remote ancestors wus a butcher of beasts rather than of men." -Detroit Journal. llrr Fatal of View. He That tall young man dancing With Miss Dashing was orlgluully In tended for the eliurch, I understand. She Indeed! Judging from hi ap pearance I could easily Imagine that be had been cut out for the steeple Chicago New. A llold Front. "I believe In carrying the flag to the front," said the youth In the red, white and blue bosom. "I don't hcllvc In carrying It to the hlrt front, though," suld the girl who huleil display. 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 i 1 1 . 1 In tlie flesh. Husband Some one at the roataUs taut today started lo carry off my overcoat but i recognised it a he i passing by these two buttons that are missing. Wife (In triumph) And to whom nre, ou Indebted for the fact that the but tons were not sewed on? Humor!- tis, in- Btncttcr. Hi Little Joke. Mr. Sluhb John, i wonder why In tlie world did that mnn send up a wa tering (tot with the new range. I never ordered it. Mr. Stubb Why. Maria. I gueas ha Intended that for the damper. Just a lilt of Vanity. "Ye kin always till a foinlly's first piano," remarked the Janitor philoso pher, "they always leave th' Imply box stsndlu' out on th' front paveuieut." Ill I .a teat. Sandy Pikes Ijidy. cud ye'er please give me I cents? I wants to writs a letter to mi- Mir old nimbler. ljuly What do you want with 4 cents? Two cents will seud a letter anywhere In the country. Sandy Pikes Yes. lady, but I wants to send me inudder a cheek an' I wants de extra cents fer a revnuo itaiup. An rnhmmn Luiury. "Do many of the Filipino officers 'die with their bouts ou?' " Inquired tbs foreign correspondent. "Hies you, no," responded Agulu nldo, "there are very few of my offlcert t hut know what a boot It." Only Thing: to Do. Lincoln relics. Washington speclnl New York Timet. to Took one: Husband (kindly) "My dear, you have nothing decent to wear, have you?" Wife (with alacrity) "No, Indeed, I haven't, not n thing. I'd lie oshnined to be seen anywhere. My very newest party dress has been worn three times already." Husband "Yes, that's Just what I told llllffklns WhOsI he offered DM two tickets for the opera tonight. I knew that If took then they'd only bt wasted. So I Just tool one. Well, I must hurry." Bt Andrew's Gazette. The poel Stiange Hint the mule should be so bumpered by the tram mels of tlie flesh! Now, I can think of no word to rhyme with "sign" but "pie I" Fine a Hllk. Critic How do you get MSh t real istic snow scene? Manager We get the leading lady to lit up lu the files and tear up hur lovu letters. II I II, I- 1 "How long Is tt going to tuke to get through with this case?" asked the bent, who was under suspicion of housebreaking. "Well," replied tin young lawyer, thoughtfully, "It'll take me aliout two week lo get through with It, but I'm afraid It's going to take you about four years." Green Hag. Cul lu Two. Mrs. Hlbblis So you have your girl tw In Henrietta? Mrs. Tlbbltl Yes, but I changed It a little. It wet such a long name that I cut It In two and calli-d the buy Hen ry and the girl Etta. No II... i i. i to True I ..... . This war lu South Africa will diamond! dourer, I suppose so, but any girl who loves a man would Is wili ng Occasionally you will find a man who works so hard for the church and lu fixing his soul right for the next world, that he Iihs no time to make provision for his widow and children lu thl. Whefl a girl object to the announce ment of lo r engagement It Is a sign that there is something uncertain about Id make She really tn W00I a ring of pearls aud opal un til the trouble 1 over. Offended. "Miss Clara needn't think I'm Fred Constant." gl ow led the French poodle. "Did she offend you?" Inquired the yard dog. "Yes She klsacd me after ettlng onions." The urvlvtl of the Attest may bars been all right, according to Darwln'a theory, but with human It Is s case uf nourish of the fittest Tuken Literally. Kergeaut Browu Halt! You cau l go lu there. PrifSM McGlnnli-'Phot not? gel get Ul Browu in-mis.- It Ii the g. it's tent, blockhead' Private McOUtgO Thin phoy In lb' deuce bov they gut "1'rulvste" over th' tees "In my husband's library there tin't a bo..!, but what I'vo read. I wist. I knew what to do next!" "il, It's very simple get another hue lmnd!" iK-t Floh. Great I lulit Toiniiry What't Willi! Wyn.nn bragging about? flllly Why, he aaya his father look! like Dewey, au' hla grandfather look! like Oom Pa ul. Kdajeway. Stubb I never met such a Boer iym pathlzer as Hur. h Why, he actually Intends to boycott England. , Pcnn lu what way? Stubb -Why, he liegan by trading his eight blade Sheffield pocket knife for n "tuadu-ln-Gcrmaiiy" two-blade af fair. II' i Kconomy. Mr. Qulnn Lucy, why In all creation do you persist In sending for that plumber If be charge! more than the rest? Mrs. Qulnn Because, Archibald, le always leave enough sirup zinc to tuck over tho rat holes In the kitchen. In Heuoon. I jirry - Th' doctor suld Ol hisl an un usual thick coat ou DM tongue. Dluuy Faith! It must beau overcoat, thin. Mis. Parlor Ornament. "What tail ii, ant. Is you have. Jimp." "Yes: I want to pnt my brlc s-brJC up o high that 1 can't see whether II I dusty or not" Not Kay to Tell. "Miss Nixy told me ulways to ring h. r door but! twice." "She must think a good deal of you to bouor you with luch a friendly ar rangement." "I don't know; maybe the want! a chance to escape." Illfference In llaotblauks. "Did you ever notice the difference bet wis. u the darky and Italian boot blacks?" said a Han about town. "I tay darkles and Italians because molt of (hi- 'shining' in Chicago is done by one or the other. The darkles do tho work In burlier shops and shoe stores uud the Italians ruu BOM of the 'parlors' "Now. you watch a larky, and If he's alone he'll talk to hit customer. If there's two of them they'll chatter to gathtt like magpies. Aud the darky la so full of music aud dance that he'i got to put them Into his work. He'll put In all sorts of fantastic motions and b. at out a rude kind of time, at If he were picking a banjo or cutting a pig eon wing. When he brushes you he'll beat you with the wbkip broom In the -.ime way. "Go Into one of the Italian 'parlors' and It't ti itlll si a grave. There may he a dozen hootblacki, but not one of them will ipeak to you or to a compan ion. They do their work steadily and rapidly, but It't work, and nothing elte. Same way with their brushing you. It's ti different tt t watch service from a cake walk." Chicago later Ocean.