0
THE STOLEN KISS.
, btmmock hung between the trees,
The tnaiaen ,Blr
, !d with ber eyelids closed
lie sw her there.
.. tt- I ..tini- !...i.rf hp stole
ft WIIUIJ '
t'i Uer siue I
.oftly t ber ripe, red lip.
III. own applied.
UlmfJ ber-klsscd the gentle lAaid.
fair. so
. t l Lt. 1
with l tumuil lu oreail
II, m II nu"
rnfth be slowly straightened up.
With
took hut on'. sue ssid tiii sigueu
A lot "f 'h-Blcow-o
1'in" S ""r"M
I.
w
Ml
IS
h jrtfe Kittle Kenyon.
HEN Tom Alnslle's cousin
Maud announced her eugage-
nit-ut to Ullains, the rich
.thermal'' sou, every one gaspul
Id then sa.d
'Wonder how Tom
U It'1
"Too have too much of tbc onquer
Ing hero' nlr utout you."
"I didn't know that," said Tom.
meekly. "Can t you help me to change
It? Hecause I like you. you know."
lu a low voice, "very, very much."
He was staring ut her very hard, and
saw the rote tint decpeu lu her chock
She turned her shoulder toward dim.
"Mr. Sheldon," she called, "you are
neglecting me shamefully. Won't you
come uver here beside nie? Mr. Alus
II la Just leaving." She glanced at
Tom out of the corner of her eyes.
Aluslie got no Instantly, looked at
her a moment, then with a Quick liow
crossed the mom to his cousin. "Sor
ry, Miiudle. hut 1 must he leaving.
Williams. I'll see about those tickets."
And he was gone.
Sheldon ant down with n radiant
smile, but ufter a few moments his
face clouded, aud the radiant stnlie
was gone. Miss Keuyon evidently did
not feel like talking.
All the uext day Tom could not get
her out of his mind. He was angry.
"The Impudence of her," he thought
to himself, resolved to Iguore her com
pletely. Hut when he stood with the
bridegroom lu the big church that aft
ernoon, and saw her coming toward
him In her lovely white frock, his
quite a different picture. The head la
Instantly lowered aud the whole UhIt
stretches out as straight a rani roil. ,
Everything aUnit I: suggests Igoad. I
aud It skim over the ground like atl
arrow from a bow. How It docs It U '
a mystery. I suppooe, as a matter of
fact, that the operation l luiineusely
subtle aud complicated and that the
motion Is derived (mm a series of
writhing and contractions, but If so
they are so slight and so lft that the
human eye cannot follow them. I have
studied the snakes In Night time and
again and 1 could never Ml that they
deviated n fraction of an Inch from a
straight line."-New Of&MM Times-
DwDoertt
For Want of a Column.
A Hrltlsn service Journal recently
IpOkO laTtfirrll a utrrrtage. ol
the bride as "the daughter of Sir Bee
tor O'Dowd, commanding the Itoohib
tiliah district and l.ady O'Dowd."
Whereupon l.ady O'Dowd wrote Ic
say that there was some mistake about
this, as she was quite sure that in UM
dotneatlc circle It waa she who commanded.
HARD HAUL ACROSS AFRICA ! QAMBLER PRINCE OF MEXICO. ISUl'POSK WE SMILE.
wondered a little hlmaelf. He ! ut"nrt k'nve 0 'ulHr m,le lurn ft,,d ,lu'"
d long hi en devoted to bis cousin
bud,., ever since ue couia rememiier,
f fact, and he had niwnys nan a vague
la that at some luiloniine time tuey
gjtlit "make it a go -..-...:..
buhl have been a couveuieui mm
them both, for she would have
fcught Cllffton back Into the family,
pd Tom li id the money atie iiiokuh.
Hut 1 wasn't worth wniie, mgnea
lorn to himself, pityingly, lounlng.back
his chair and stretcbliig his long
toward the tire. 'Tin sur-
risen iuui i 11 o i i i ' Aiiriijo
m fond of Mnudle. and It would hnve
een a nice thing all around. Hope
K'llllains Is al right for ber. Always
Inuc e l the beggar myaelf. And It
enis I'm the best man. Henstly nul-
lance; all girls and frocks and wedding
Eke. I'll have to go through with it,
hough, for Maudle's sake. And little
lliue Keuyon la to be maid of houor.
Jbe fcj never been decent to mo;
terms to benr me a grudge. Little Kit-
By Kenyon," and Tom alghed again and
fpuffed his cigarette.
The wedulng wua to take place at
once, and a church rehearsal, with a
supper ut tno brides home, bad been
planned for the evening lieforo. Tom
arrived at the luat moment. Just In
time to reach the altar as the proces
sion came up the church. First the
ushers, then the six bridemaJda, who
walked stiflly, as If with the weight of
nations on their shoulders. Tom's eyes
twinkled as he watched. On they
came, these pretty girls, sobered be
yond their usual wout
"hirst time in ber lire Elsie lates
n't danced along," Tom thought
tint asuiou gin is so ugly, on, by
ove lorn s eyes were fastened
pen ine buiiiii iiuuic 01 u Kin wall,
time to the stately music. She
fler eyes. Then she hud passed
aud tuken her place near the
ue.
Ldias wreicn, ' thought Tom. blt-
v i h u inw.'tvs seem To art- ..-,
M short ri'lienrsjlt w-jm over BUM
. .. ..,.. r ... i o ..
1UU 1 ' OO l.ll iiO.lJ A . .1:1 lllliui
i 1 i 1 n i i ee l i nit n. uiio on
utterly oblivious."
She glunccd up nt him quickly.
"Oh. no, only sad, Mr. Aluslie. I am
sorry for you. You bear up so won-
...fll,- , ..II t.. tt n-on ,..
l.tilc, wulk behind that plllnr, and
li excuse you to me resi. just ror
i,' n li Mi's. .so.- I on I noon irr
ou can -in mi it a trine longer
What have I ever done to you,
ss konvoii? I ni nil innocent in I
louui no nei-i Ul'l jou uuj nuuniii).
art speak for oue who Is ouly anx-
iiu oi ov ni i relet 10 einniiiK .1001
a distinctly melodramatic manner.
She looked nt him serenely for an
STHT1T '-v,,,fT att.l rmliantlni ' Bin,
IO lit), I r.i,. nlT .. lniul a u- 1.1 w.i.
II - . r
He managed to secure the chair next
licrs at supper, though Sheldon had his
hand upon the bock of It, and scowled
darkly at Tom when he sat down.
Miss Kenyon looked up with a little
smile.
"Oh, so you are feeling kinder to
ward me now, are you not?" he said,
bending over her with the devoted air
lie had toward women. "Hecause 1
want to ask you a question, and I
want you to answer It seriously. You
will? Well, why do you not like me?"
The girl gave him a curious little
glance and her lashes fluttered for a
moment Then she answered, looking
straight at him:
seemed to stand still. In the quick
glance he had of her he thought she
looked n little pale, but so pretty, so
wonderfully pretty. As she passed
by htm she looked up at him a mo
ment, but Tom's eyes were fixed
aliove her head and he never glanced
at ber.
All during the reception nnd supper
It was the same. His eyes never
seemed to rest uisin her, although he
wus wildly aware of Sheldon's devo
tion. Hut after the excitement of the
bride's departure had died away, aud
almost all but the house party had
gone. Tom enme up to her as she stood
talking to Sheldon. His manner was
as cool as It well could be.
MM
".May I see you a moment. Miss Ken
yon?" he said quietly, looklug at Shel
dou. "Mr. Shelflon will excuse me?" said
the girl, which Sheldon did, with as
pleasant an expression as he could
muster.
They walked through the long draw
ing room to the little rose reception
room under the stairs. It was quite
deserted.
"I wish to apologize, Miss Kenyon,
If 1 offended you lust night It Is per
haps needless to nsBure you thut It was
unintentional. Will you pardon me?"
He stood before her very stiff nnd
strnight and with his blonde head well
up.
The girl was picking a rose to pieces.
Her Angers trembled a little.
"1 am sorry If I was rude to you last
night," she snhl. "I assure you It was
quite Intentional on my part, but I
was very sorry after I hud done It"
Tom moved quickly. "Ho you core
for Hint fellow," he said. "Sheldon?"
"No," she whispered, her eyes down
cast He hesitated a moment
"Could you ever care for me, little
one?" he asked, wistfully. "Hecause
you kuow I love you. dear. So much
-so much. I can't let you lo so hard
to me," and his voice broke a little.
"Couldn't you try to love me Just a lit
tle?" She looked up with a mischievous lit
tle smile.
"You are not the least little bit of a
Conquering Hero' now," she said, and
lie took her Into his arms.
Mr. Sheldon did uot nttend the wed-dlng.-New
York Mall and Express.
ELECTRIC GUN.
Wonderful Invention f a foM
Genius of the Hrltlsli
The noiseless aud smokeless electric
guu Inveuted by Mr. Newmau, a young
aprentlcc at Whitehead's torpedo fac
tory, Euglaud. exliu at present ouly
In the tiny model weighing sevea
pounds, which Is figured in accompany
ing Illustration. With this small weapon,
however, the inventor has made very
satisfactory experiments. Hhutterlng a
target at a distance of a mile and also
at Ave miles range. The gun has a
very high muizle velocity. It Is said
that the Inventor has refused an offer
of 'J7."..oni from the Hrltlsh Admiralty
for his invention. Meanwhile, he Is
carefully guarding his secret while he
constructs a model weighing HW
weight. Mr. Newuinn Is the son of a
Portland grocer. His geulus lias de
velopcd early, for he is st'U lu bis UiMb
year.
TAKES SAMPSON'S PLACE.
Hear Admiral Farqnhar to Command
North Atlantic squadron.
The successor of Hear Admiral Samp
son as commander of the North Atlan
tic squadron upon his retirement will
be Hear Admiral Norman vou Heid
relch Farquhar. Admiral Farqubar
con show a record In the service of bla
country that any man might well lie
proud of. for It covers a period of forty
I years and embraces ninny lustances of
bravery and clear-hcadcducss In the
time of danger.
He was born In Pennsylvania April
11, 1S40, and early showed a liking for
a seafaring life. He was sent to the
Naval Academy, graduating lu 1801)
How Snakes Travel.
A little kuot of deputies at the custom-house
were talking about snakes.
"I have never seen a satisfactory ex
planation of their motion," said one
of the party. "The text book theory
that they get over the ground by fan
ning their ribs back and forth would
never be accepted by anybody who has
seen a conch whip or blueracer In full
flight. Where I was raised, In North
Louslana, conch whip snakes were cora
mou and I have frequently watched
them When not alarmed the snake
glides along with about two-thirds of
Its body extended on the ground and
the bead nnd neck raised In a graceful
curve, like the prow of a ship. There
Is something indescribably smooth and
swanlike In its progress and all the
motion perceptible Is a slight ripple
along the spine. But the moment the
coach whip Is frightened it presents
ffli n 1 hot liurn'tt Vivrl unit 1 BM DSCjafttl
Juurnr in the li,rW i tiniinr'tl.
Sixteen hundrnl miles across tbe
wilds of Africa, win-re the foot of c!v
ll'.xed MM had never hitherto irod. is
an expelieUee that presents dangers
ai.d dittlcullles enough of us owu to
discourage almost any ordinary man.
Hut to haul a steuni craft thai distance
with the aid of two companions of Wt
owu race and a handful of ignorant
natives w ithout tbe ordinary resources
of modern sf.eii.se Is tbe feat accotu
plished successfully by John Thorburn.
an African pioneer, who has recently
irrlv.il m Uutdon. This Is only oue of
a series of notable accouiil shiix-nts
and experiences through arhlch Thor
burn has asacd lu his thirty ) ears'
life in the wilds of Africa.
Thorburn is a Scotchman by birth,
who emigrated to the Transvaal some
thirty years ago. He had u si, ,i m.-r on
the Yaal Hirer, and made considerable
i money trading with the Datives. Na
ture, however, conslpred agauial him.
ami the Vaal. after successive drv sea
sous, was completely dried up. I'nde
lerrcd by the dangers of the undertak
ing, Tbofbnra at one detenu ncd to
take the boat across country to the
waters of Helagoa Uajr. a distance of
l.tUHJ miles.
The Unit was thlrty-acveti feet long,
but was loaded en a wagon drawn b
eighteen oxen. Its englm s waft dls
Kiscd of on a stmllnr vehicle, and the
Journey was begun. It l.d throngli a
perfect wilderness, much of which had
never been trodden by man. Ron da
were cut through this and wngnus
drawn along as rapidly as pi ss t I -Numerous
mishaps failed to discourage
the indomitable will of the Scotchman,
ami after encountering forest tires,
which nil but deetrOyed the little pariy.
and iN'Ing deserted by all bis native
helpers, he successfully reached Pels
goa Hay wlih his cbargtt
In the Transvaal Thorburn was Inti
mately associated wlih two noted
characters. One was John O'ltelllv.
who was responsible for the discovery
at the diamond mines of South Africa,
aud the other was Hans de Hocrs, w ho
owued two of the most famous mines
of South Africa, the Ik' Iteers and the
Kluihcrlcy. O'Kellly's discovery wai
due to tbe accidental play of a little
girl with a bright river stone. He pur
chased the stone from the girl's par
ents. saying he thought he could sell
It for a good price, and would return
her one haff of the proceeds. This he
did, realizing S00 on the sale. Half
be returned to her. the rest be used to
purchase ground In Soulb Africa lu
which to exploit his II ml.
He Ileers sold tils diamond Interest
for un insignificant sum. He knew of
the Immense value of tbe ground, but
did not wish to lie bothered with the
wealth, ouly taking enough to keep
hlin for the remainder of his days lu
quiet and obscurity. He died evcutu
ally In Thorburu't owu cottage.
! ai.OOO .Day thenar and llai
Made a.' Praise.
Mexico has a Monaco which ontdOQI
the sensational murvcla of Monte far
lo. This gauibllug palaet Is situated in
the center of Ihe City of Mexico, al No
. Qanta street, lis proprietor ami
mniiiiger, Don ftUpn Martcl, le no
only a self made prince, but a phetiom
ciial character.
For Iou Mint is not only the klug
of gamblers, but a devout churchman
a ml the chief backer of the municipal
treasurer. Mexico City Is almost de
pendant Uiou this one citizen.
Muriel was a rich man before the
Mexican QoTernmenl decided to abol
Ish gambling houses. Many Influential
HUMORCUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
1 Hfc COMI J PAPERS.
Plraaanl IsMtdenta I'ccurrlna the
Skorltl Oret Majluaatnat Are Ibecr
ful to Old or Tuuai Kuaaj Belec
tloua tbat Krerjlmdj Will I ..i
Hicks There Ut some summer girls
who are constant. There's Smile
Small, for example. UM kept com
pany with Fre.i Dun man uii the whi
ter. Wicks Yes; mid they made love to
each Other furiously, but what of that?
Mexicans objected so seriously lo Hit It was only lu remembrance of their
country flirtation last rammer. A son
of souvenir siwou, so to speak. Boston
Transcript.
RECENT INVENTIONS.
HKAB ADMIRAL FABqrllAB.
and going at once to tbe coast of Africa
to assist lu breaking up the slave trade.
During the civil war be waa with the
North Atlantic blockading squadron
as lleutenunt. He becnnie lieutenant
commander In IStiO, aud commander lu
1872 and captain lu 1880.
When tbe frightful hurricane swept
over Apia, In Samoa, March 10, USA,
demolishing even the most powerful
vessels In the harbor by throwing them
with tremendous force ngnlust the
rocks and causing the loss of hundred
of lives, he was In command of the
Trenton at the Pacific station. Capt.
Farquhar's splendid seatiiaimhlp and
presence of mind were shown very
strikingly on this occasion, for he ex
tricated his vessel from the harbor and
put to sea without losing a mnn of bis
crew of 450, while all about hlin ves
sels were being wrecked atul men
drowned by the hundreds. The Massa
chusetts Humane Society awarded blm
a medal for his gallant conduct
He was made a member of the Light
house Hoard, and later appointed chief
of the bureau of yards and docks lu the
Navy Department.
Cost of Rhlp Itopoa.
The ropes on a first . lass man-of-war
cost about $10,000.
LAYINU
FIELD TELEGRAPH WIRE TO SAN FERNANDO, IN THE PHILIPPINES.
There was one department of the army, not of the Une nor exactly of the
abUvStdU? Z fall in any emergency In the war a fg ub
TZX'Z tIgnarm.ndgotevered
thTtuUwe, with gbry The field tele'-r.iph followed close to the firing Ime. and
gwerTl Tn the rear could keep In touch with the center and both wmgs of
i. force and naving the bert of information from all part, he could gne h
"rdersTnulUgenUy It require, even more nerve to lay telegraph hue. under
hrr than to fight under fire-
id
H . V Jr ' .4
Hroken rudders ou ships nt sea car
be replaced by a Canadian's teuiHirn
ry steering device, which compresses a
let of brackets shaped to tit portion
)f the hull, with guy ropes for holding
than In position, the rudder frame bo
ng carried by the brackets.
To Insure the retention of a waist
belt nt tho top of the trousers a new
attachment Is formed of wire loop
secured to the under surfnee of the
holt, with an obstructed opening nt oue
Mid of the loop which can be slipped
jver the bullous un tbe bands of the
trousers.
Fore ami aft sails on boats can lie
rapidly reefed by a Itoston man's In
Tcutlou, lu which the boom Is lifted
in a socket on the mast and provided
with a gear wheel, meshing with a
wheel attached to a crank shaft the
action of turning the crank winding
up the sail ou tbe boom.
Train orders can be delivered to the
engineer while the train Is under high
ipieed by the use of a new order hold
ing device, which has a wire limp with
i clamp on one side to grip the mes
sage, a socket being provided to hold
the loop lu position, to 1; euslly de
tached by the engineer.
A Ciinndlnn bus pntentetl n bulletin
hoard which does away with the nCOM
ilty for pasting the dispatches, tho
lOlfaca of tho board Is'lng covered
with a series of wires fitted on a
frame at the sides, the dispatch laing
leld on the board by drawing the
frame back to stretch the wires lo
place.
Over tho Telephone.
The way lu which a kmg and ardu
ous conversation ou the telephone can
and m nothing at all Is well known to
ny on who tins used the Instrument
It la Illustrated In a dialogue rciioru-d
In an exchange:
'What number, please?"
"One thousand two hundred and sixty-four."
"I don't catch tnat."
"One thousand two hundred and alx
ly-our."
"Try It once more, please."
"Twelve hundred and sixty-four."
"Seven hundred and sixty-four?"
"No twelre hundred snd atxty foul
-one thousand two hundred and sixty
four." "I can't give you two numbers at
jnce. Which do you want Brat?"
"Ob, I WU giving you the same num
ber In tw different ways."
"Tan. Well, what number do you
want?"
"Twelve hundred and sixty-four!"
"Suppose you give me each nuiiitier
(M-jmrately, UM oue, two, three, for In
stance." "All right. One, two, three, four, five,
six. seven, eight, nine, ten, elevcui,
twvlve. Got that?"
"Yea."
"Now, one, two, three, four, Are, alx.
'lot that?"
"Yea."
"One. two. three, four. Oot that?"
"Yes. You want twelve, six, four, do
.i . , ,. .,i uicir m.onie (ins
time that the authorities thought they
would achieve a clever compromise by
ileiiuimllng from every gambling resort
a dally license lax of fl.is.H).
No one supposed thai the gambling
spirit would le strong enough to rise
nliove this obstacle. This prov.il to be
the case, and one by one the gamblltig-
honeee dosed their doors.
WlH-n the fl. l.l was clear Don Fellp.
Mnrtel approached Hie authorities w ith
11,000 lu cash ami demanded a day's
lice Doe. lu a few hours his place was
thronged. At a single stroke he had
wou ihe Qatronaga of Mexico, aud hi.
doors have never leoii fjlnaed since
The dally outlay of gl.lNMI Is not missed
fnM the daily revenue of thousnmls
It Is noi remarkable (hat Don Fel
le's personal fortune should have
reached fgOUMMHO III spite of his con
sisnt lavish expenditure. Hie chief
establishment Is as gMtterlngly ap
pointed ai a palace, Llreried attendant!
minister to guests, ami refreshments
ami cigars are served ot the host's ex
im'Iis.'. Mexicans flml no muaeUMBI
more alluring than a visit to No. I
Qanta tr.vt
Doll Felipe's strong religious tenden
cies are so well known that nobody
was surprised when he built recently
In the village of San Angel n church
that cost more ihau f.VUMHl. Tbe poor
People of the vlclulty, ami many of the
rich as well, have come lo regard him
as a fairy prince. His own style of liv
ing encourages this belief. The Muriel
mansion. In Mexico City. Is a magiilll
cent nrralr, constantly lllled with
guests. A curious feature Is Unit It
contains forty windows the number
of cards In the Mexican deck.
Iceberg sometimes last for two bun
dred years.
i.utiMwt1T dates from A. D. 54(1,
while smokeless gunpowder dates buck
to 1843.
What are known as "tldnl waves'
nao untiling to tin wlih the tides, but
are supposed to be caused by earth
quakes. They do not therefore, app. ur
at regular intervals
The ancient Kgyptlnns usetl kn ws. In
a private tomb ul Thchcs one was ills
covered with several oilier carHnter's
tools. The blade Is of brass, a little
over 1(1 Inches long ami l',t Incites wide
There are so many lunguaKos spoken
in the provinces of Austria Hungary
that Interpreters nre employed In the
various parliaments to Interpiel a; eecli
es of Ihe delegates ami make them lu
telllglble fo all (he uiemlaTS.
Mr. (ihiilstoue was prime minister
four times for a total period of twelve
yenrs and :CI7 days; Disraeli, In two
admlnls(rn(lons, served six years, ,'t,Vl
days; Salisbury has served already
more than twelve years.
Siamese women Intrust their chil
dren to the care of elephniKs. whleb
nre careful never to hurt the little crea
ture, and If danger threaten the sn
gacioua animal will curl the child gen
tly up In his trunk, nml swing It up
out of harm's way upon Its own broad
back.
The first railroad In America was
constructed In 1M1 a four-mile track
from the Qulucy quarries to the Ne
ponset Hlver. It was made fo trans
port stone for the Hunker Hill Monu
ment the granite being eoiivey.il by
boat from the Neponset wharf across
the harbor,
The six Inrgest cities In the world
are London, with a population esil
malisl at six million; New York, with
alsiiit 8,600.000; Paris, with about
o.Mki.ixki; fJhleagO, about l.Slsl.lHMI;
Berlin, nlsiut as many; ('anion, ier-
imps 1,000,000, or Vienna, with about
l,.VKI,OO0.
At Astl, In California, Inst year, a
cistern 104 feet long by H4 feet wide
and '24 feet deep was formed lu n hill
side for the storage of wine. 'Hie Im
mense tank was lined with concrete
two feet thick ami coated Inside with
a glnz.- as Imper able as glass. The
capacity of the lank Is fiOO.dOO gallons.
Ao Kiplauatloa.
Jones How did you manage to get
through that crowd so quickly? It took
me Hourly an hour.
Hrown Vou remember that cigar
you gave me Mil mornlugV
Join s Yes, but
Brown Will. 1 was smoking It
Chicago News.
t'un.e of Va.atlnna.
Jlmmle Ain't It good of de school
hoard to shut up de schools In summer
so we can have a rest?
Tommy Aw, dat ain't de renson
Dey aaftet .te tie teachers a chanet
to learn sonis more. -San Frniuisco
Examiner,
Dead Hroke.
Itnbb He looks all broke up. Where
did he spend his two months' vacation!
Pcuu At Monte Carlo.
w. ii PUaaad,
AlauT. In Kri.lence.
"I oarer lose my temper," cried the
little wife.
"No, dear,1 grumbled hubby. "I wish
you would."-Tit Hits.
I'ool In I lancer.
She Tell me, v hell you were lu the
army, were you cool lu the hour of
danger?
He Cool? Why, 1 shivered. -Tit-
Hits.
Juat think of It.
Tommy Scvoggln I'd hale to be dat
two headed boy at tie museum.
Jliiitule Wiggins He has lots o fun.
Tommy Scrogglns I know dat. but
Jos' link o' barm' two faces to warsb.
-Ohio State Journal.
Ills Vacation.
"What do you Inland to do for a va
cation tills summer'"
end my w ife and family out of the
ity." Chicago Pott
liitrrme Old Age.
The Scribe - And to what do you ut
tribute your extreme old age?
The Centenarian Principally to the
time I have lived.
'I.Ike the Atlmlrs'.
Mr. Stubb John, Is that you coming
borne at such nn unenrlhly hour?
Mr Stubb Yes, M Murln; the club
had a little D Dewey toast to-night,
Mrs. ItUbb WMl, you remind me of
Dewey.
Mr.llubb In w-whnt way, M-Marta?
Mrs. Stubb A loug time coming
borne.
The Mnn Who Would He Hoaa.
"Put me In Wushlnglon," saltl the
egotist, "and I'd show you how to ruu
the Philippine"
"The Philippines dou't run," replied
the bystander. "It's tbe Filipinos that
run; bill you couldn't run them by stay
ing In Washington; you'd have to go (o
tbc frout."
Taking No Chances.
The domestic mail rang the hoarding
bouse bell. Mrs. Skinner came to tbe
door, spoon In hand.
"Madame, do you take children?"
"Do I take children, eh? Ah, yes. I
know you. You are one of these hired
detectives. If I said I took children
you'd Implicate me In the kldnaplug
wave that's going over the country.
It ut I'm too smart Now, you git!"
Tbe lllher Criticism
"And how did you feel when you
came back ami found a man. working
lu your place?"
"Oh. I felt relieved."
Hehliul the Mcenee,
"Ye gods!" exclaimed Howinnd
Hntitts, as he peered through the peep
hole, "we have an alms asylum to
ulght." The sw.s't singer stared blankly.
"1 dou'l understand you. Mr. ltaiifts.
Did you say we had nn alms asylum?"
"Ves, or. lu other words, we have a
poor house."
In I hleaan.
She (musically Inclined)-What la
your opinion of Waaler's works?
He Never saw them: but I don't
inppoeo they are In It with Pullmau's."
The I'rofeaaor'a tpnrtnnitlea.
"She told Maine Simpson that the
professor said she looked like a Creek
goddess."
"When did the professor ever see a
Creek goddess?"
"Oh, he knows lots o' foreigners.
He's loach tag a Sunday school clasa
down lo the tlngo mission." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
netting On.
"Done anything yet?" nsked the fond
father, who proudly siwaks of hie
young son as a coming lawyer.
"Oh, yes. I succeeded In htivtng my
relit reduced, and have a line bunch of
nccounts ngulust you for collection. I'U
get there."-Detroit Free Prt-as.
Haah and Daring Act.
you V
Itoyal Pastimes.
A St. Petersburg society piiMr slates
thai Ihe Ctar and I'xarlna when a lout
lake kceu delight 111 cutting oul carica
tures of themselves from foreign Jour
nal., and pasting them on the whHe
walls of one of the rooms of the palace.
They laugh like children over the long
procession of ridiculous figures.
In the palaitt nt Oalxirne there Is a
nursery used by the little Bettonbaff,
princes. In Sfhlch the dado Is decorated
by a scries of absurd pictures lu cray
on done by their father, Prince Henry,
for Ih.ir a in use men t.
(Jin-en Victoria In her younger days
was fond of weaving, ami found ron
amusement lu the use of n loom. At the
OoOtelHaiai spoaMog In Phllailolphla
a fine cambric handkerchief ami a
damask napkin of exquisite ibitlgn
.-!-.- exhibited by the (Jue.li as spssd
mens of bar skill.
The Princess Ixiulse Is an expert
draughtswoman and sculptrcse. AH
the Queen's daughters are fond of
sketching, and show more or less skill
The Princess of Wales Umls ber amuse,
meiit In photography. She often ilevel-
, and mouuis her pictures with great
Yes! Twelve hundred sixty-four! Do 1 patience aud uLsiy
vou understand now?"
"Yea, I understand now. (An In
slant's silence.) TweWe elxty-four'i
busy now. Hlng off, pleaaer
Adulteration of Food In Missouri.
Auy one In Missouri found guilty of
placing arsenic, calomel, bismuth, am
monia, or alum In any kind of food
may be fined not less than $100.
om en Marguerite of Italy la a fear9
les. mountain climber, aud although a
heavily built woman of middle age do
llirhte In walking loog dlataus-a.
The young (Jueen of the Netherlands
' la fond of iKiultry, and has large oolleo
tlons of chickens of fancy breeds near
her summer palace
I The trouble with the average man la
' that be baa no one Ut censor his talk.
The Parsoii What do you think,
Brother EJotopOto, of de theory dat
Adam wuz a nigger?
Hrothcr Hotspots Kf he wuz, Pah
son, dat apple must a both a water
melon. Colli. Ion Inevitable.
Passenger -Porter! What wna that
Shock? Has there been n collision?
Porter Specs so, boss! Two slout
ge'uieu tried to pase In de aisle.
Her tittle Joke.
"Your faiher'a cane," groaned the
lover, "came down on me with such
rnpldltr that I thought a cyclone had
struck me."
"Well, It was a burry-caue," ventured
the sweet girl.
And yet ti.ej say girls have no sense
of humor.
Obedient to ths tetter.
Hobble's mamma .Now, mind, Hob
by, If the)' pass )'uu the cake a Secoud
time at the purty, you must say, "No,
thanks, I've hud plenty," and dou't you
forget It.
Hostess, at the purty Won't Hobble
bare tome more cuke?
Hobble (who hasu't forgotten) Nope,
thanks I've bud enough, an' don't you
ferglt It! Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Main In Mia tine.
First crook Jimmy nlu't got euough
spunk. He takes things uff people
Second crook inn's bl. biz. He's a
pickpocket
i seretssa
"We have walked eleven mile, thla
nioiulug without stopping," said ous
Filipino so'.dler discontentedly.
'That "s so. euswereu loo oilier
The Veteran There Is one piece of
music that always moves me to tears,
recalling us tt does the rustiest and
most during act of my life.
She Ah, some stirring martial nlr, I
presume.
The Veteran -Not exntily. I mean
Memkissohu's "Wedding March." '
Jots nf Khnpplns;,
Husband (wearily) Well, bow are
you getting on with your shopping?
Wife Oh, splendidly! Iet me sec;
we've been to flfteeu shops and 1
haven't bought a thing yet-Tlt-Hlts.
I'onr llualnaaa.
"How Is Surloyuc getting on in the
butcher bualuess?"
"Very poorly, I beer. They say lie
docs so little that he can't afford to kill
more than half a cow at a time." Tit-Hits.
Wanted to He Pure.
"Johnny," called the Throop street
lady, "ruu arouud to the cigar store and
see If the score's lu yet."
"I'm surprised," remarket) her via
Itor, "to see you take so much Interest
lu baseball. I dou't even uuderstaud
the game."
"Neither do I, dear. Itut you see 1
waut to ask (leorgu for a llttlo pin
money. If the Chicago team won, I'll
nsk him the minute he gets lu the door.
If they lost. I'll ask blm to morrow, or
mu be the duy after."
fcelf-Kvldent
Mrs. Snooper I wonder If It Is true,
aa Dr. Jacobl says, thut the baby ol
to day has a better chance of living
than the baby of fifty years ago?
SniHier C.-rtalnly It Is. The baby
of fifty years ago la half a century old
now.-Tit lilts.
Old Humptuary l.na.
The sumptuary laws that were pass
ed In tin- Middle Ages are quite for
eign to the spirit and temper of the
nineteenth ceutury. They alined al
keeplug each within bis proper sphere,
by fixing limits to the expenditure of
citizens upon apparel ami other per
sonal concerns. A complete schedule
of tbe clothing (hut should be Worn In
every class of society was prescribed
In the act of the third year of Ed
ward IV. 1 1404i. Apparently an ex
cess lu attire sprang up tbat bail not
boon provided for In this act for an
other one follow etl lu the ensuing year,
prohibiting the wearing of shoes with
leng-pooked toes. The pictures of the
people of the Elizabethan age depict
what many would consider an artistic
taste lu apparel, but w hich was looketl
upon at that time as an excess, aud
called for a proclamation (HiHO) against
broad ruffs, long cloaks and swords,
ami loog spikes ou the bosses of shields.
The Coruhlll.
Afraid of Poisoned Food.
During periods of nervousness tbe
Turkish Sultan restricts himself to a
might as well Jolu a golf club aud I boiled egg diet. la-caie thla food cans
be done with It" Washington Star. uot be easu poisoueu. . -r