Eugene City Guard.
I. L. 0AMPBE1.1 Praprtatar.
EUOKNK CITY OBKOON
The ynrn trust nilmllii It purpose In
to Bans It WUU for tha people by next
winter ut Intent
If you want to llnd out nil the draw
backs of motor carriages consult a
vcterlunry surgeon.
Automobile Ih undeniably a long
word, but nobody DM yet auggested uh
good a one to replace It.
The horseless milk wagon linn made
ItM appearance. Cowleaa inlik ccused
long ngo to egdts wonder.
It Ih mild Hint untiling In thin world
til crop tfl In vnln, but you can't get
the lady who has the bearded inolu on
the end of her nose to helleve It.
The Slinh of PerBta ItippOTbl BOO
Wive. He I troubled, the dlspatchee
any, with linlluolnntlons. 00 nliead
and make the application yourself.
A Massachusetts ObbUUOM baa gone
Into bankruptcy. These moon-eyed folk
alwaya were quick to adopt the luteat
American Iden for money making.
A Western mini nay he cured hlm
aelf of Brlghfl dlmtl by wearing a
mother hulihard. Any man who will
get cured lu that way ought to be
V niched.
IbtlUpMN gave It a Ida opinion
that there wa nothing In a name, hut
they didn't cHtlmntti the population of
hi town by the number of name lu
the directory.
Truth l mighty and will prevail.
Kvery little while Homebody who DM
Just returned from Um Klondike eon
(MM thai In' would like to borrow
the price of a menL
BltUll "III aend fr),(H) worth of
IMkM In the I'lirt elposltlon. When
thlM Ih'coiiiph known people who enn't
afford to go will lie Inclined to put off
their disappointment.
If Halt revive drowned animal life,
a an BltfHlhtTWl think be ha ills
covered, the man who fall Into the
ocean OUgbt to lie easily retored, cSK'
elally If he ha:pciia to be nil old aidt
himself.
It wa Cormnn uiechanlcnl Ingenuity
that hoisted the Paila off the rock. It
wns an cngln lug feat that had been
declared Inpoaalhle by many experts.
The knlncr Ih entitled to tunc the till
portal bund play, "Oh, 1 Don't Know;
We re Not Mo HW.M
A man perfumed a herole net, aav
lug a clillil's life at the Imminent risk
of Inning hln OH n. Then, while Hie pop
nlacs thronged ibout bim, to applaud
ami n ward him. he turned pale and lied
III abject lorrOV at the night of n pollCO
maul The memory of nnme mnt mln
dOMOMI and the fear that It had 0000
discovered and would be vlnlteil OpOD
him. made a nun ill cow ard of n phyn
teal hern. Vet the Incident untie the
lens showed that even it guilty life limy
be capable of good ind noblo deed.
Our railroads art1 lu much better
pliylcal condition than they were ten
yearn age, and thin fact count In great
men mire fur the decreaned eanualtlcn
to passengers, but It In Htlll fearfully
large. We brt Of I he superiority of
our railroad lervlce to (hat of Buropoi
but there I one thing In which the
RufopMO railroad nirpa our very
far the better protection of their pan
MttgtTI. They cany a great many
more passenger and kill and Injure a
gnat many Ion,
out OM ban tiiiearlhed a bnnk print
ed In London In I TOO, In which li given
n entertaining iccouul of life in old
Virginia during early OolOBltl day.
whon tobacco wan the itandnrd curren
ry, and lil.inm pound of the weed wan
tlie nalary of a clergyman, with a fee
of um ponndi for a funeral svr b and
'Jmi pound! for Mtonntalng a marriage.
The writer evidently cherished a, one
H't prejudleei III rellglmi ma I tern, for
he puts It on record that III the counties
wln rc the Presbyterians held meeting
the tobacco wa ao uieiin that no
preacher would tny there.
In the oldest and gleatent of our mil
Xclsltl, s the expenses of the work dune
are not by any menus met !y the fees
received from students, although these
are large lu comparlnoii with the
charges of other Institution of like tin
Ufa. It I the constant How of gifts
from men who appreciate the value to
the country of the work done by grout
universities which keeps them ntrong
ami nrogreonlva ami enable than i
give their students such advantage a
me expected and enjoyed. The youth
you takes a course nt any good Amor
ban COllOgt or university makes n Had
ndataka if be Imagtnaa that he payi his
way and Incurs no obligation to the lu
ItltUUon which ha given him It op
portUUltiM for si lt culture and useful
in lie In a debtor to generous and
good ttian and women, living ami dead
In the 1'nltcd States Senate one man
00 each Hide, a Democrat and a lie
publican. I Kchvted by hln party 1000
elates (0 arrange 'he palm. Whenever
the roll I to I' called on any party
question, the absent lieinocrats inv
uilled nualnnt the abnent llepublleans,
and In ea-e more of one party than of
the other happen to 00 out of the chain
tier, enough of those wjio are ptvncnt
refrnln from voting to tthNiit the uov
aary palra. Senator l'nsoo, of riorlda,
baa of Into years reprenenled the Hem
orrats lu thene arraugementa. He ban
a., often had to pair hlmnelf to make
thing come out right that It lined to
to- nald that be never eat a direct vote.
Thu waa an exaggeration Sometime
ba Voted, but more often when Ids
inline waa i alb. I he rose to any . "Mr.
IVesldctit, I am paired with the Hell
ator from Haah. If be were present be
would voir e aod I should vote nay,"
the Innt part of the atatemeut varying,
Of coumc. according to rlreuuiitancea.
The consent of New South Wale waa
given In Juu to the amended a. heme
of Australian federation, and thua foa
lust olmtacle to (he formation of tha
"Cntinuouwcallh of Australia" -vn re
moved. The eoiintllutloo of a great
couolldated government In the place
of ii'Vi'ti Individual Hrltlh colonies,
which had no other common bond than
that of dependence DPM the mother
country, la an event of great luior
tgnttl Hlvlsloii preceded union. New
South Wale wa the parent colony.
Tanuitiiila wa neparatcd from It In
1825, Victoria lu 1H.H nnd Queensland
In IMBIt. South Australia, Went Austra
tin und New ealand were OOlonlBOd
Independently. An long aVu an 1H1 a
"'federal council" waa constituted to
consider matters of common Internal to
the colonies. It had laaf power thnn
wns possessed by the Congress of the
fulled States under the old Articles of
Confederation, and proved to ! n use-
less body. A conference In IN) led to
a fadaral convention la iwu. by irblea l
a constitution for the Commonwealth
of Auntralln wan drafted. The gem nil
plan wa acceptable to the colonies, but
objections to details on the part of
more than one of the colonies prevent
ed Its ndoptlon. A new effort toward
union wns innde In 1HH3. which result
ed in the calling nf another convention
which held four long sessions In 1807
and W08. The revised constitution stile
uiltted to the votea of the colonies In
May. 1 V.iH, wns adopted by three colo
nies, but failed bcenuso New South
Wnles, the most Important of tbem
all, rejected It. A conference of pre
miers was held nt Melbourne hint .Inn
unry, certnlu modification! demanded
by New South Wale were made, ami
the constitution ngnln submitted to the
colonies. It has now been agreed to
by a lufllclettt number of them lo make
federation certain.
The ogltatloti fur spelling reform re
curs with Its untuil promptitude. It la
a mild form of dlmtl among ab
normally ninbltloiia educator. The
peculiarities of the Kngllsh language,
and It strength an well, CSBIIOt, say
tho Chicago Chronlclo, be wparatad
from it orthography. Educational
faddist. Ill their hante to dtTalOp n
foyal toad tO learning, Innlnt that nun b
of the time necessary to master the
spelling of the IngHab Intigungo la
wanted. They prcnctit testimony frotn
the buHlu"nn BUU thai bin typewriter
Waste! time In clicking Off novon letters
In "through" where It might be spelled
with four. The utilitarianism of their
contention might recommend It to the
bustling age In which We live were It
not for the fact that ifusion never
tend tu progress a aooo a we adopt
Mark Twain Idea that a man should
lie allowed to "spell according to the
dictate of III own cnliseblice" Wi
have aacilflcad much that must be re
tallied III the I mulish tangUagO If It I
to continue its acknowledged luprent'
acy a n growing and overiiiiisterlng
nwdlntn for the comtnunlcatlon f
thought. There In linrdly n nation of
Importance to day where the Kiigllb
language I not read, spoken and writ
ten. It may one day be the language
of the world. Its strength I largely
due to the fact that It I not a dialect
language. Hut with the Introduction
of the o called reform lu spelling,
from nuubsrlne! different aourco!, we
should have a written language that
would necessarily be local In It Inter
pre tntlnii. BdOCntiOOSJ centers like
Chicago, Boston and Ban Vranclsco
would vie with each other III the In
novation Introduced, each Netting up
it own itandnrd. The raaull would
only be confusion. There I n constant
grow th lit live orgSOllUS, but the most
grand ami anduiing grow slowly. Ibid
leal reduction! rarely secure lasting re
suit The orthography of the Kngllnh
language tin changed perceptibly in
the bint score of year. It I changing
gradually now, but no sweeping change
i poHHibie under existing conditions
it i impossible to reprint the world'i
aclentiflc and historical literature in the
reformed vernacular. It would be ma
terlally modltled In It force to the do
votee of the spelling reforin without
such change. There la tin apparent
reason for the business man to ab
breviate hi woids in correspondence
the saving of time. Hut for the edu
cator of the child who recognise! the
fact that mental growth 1 directly
proportional to mental effort what does
till saving III time Indicate? Time for
other studies perhaps. Time to study
some dead language or take up sonic
so called higher branchen. That re
form In school work are needed In
felt by all who have given the matter
thought That the pressing demand In
for changes in spelling is extreme!)
doubtful The educational tree u top
heavy and need pruning, but It Is not
the part of wisdom to go Inn king away
at the root
BE A SANOUW.
ttugera Waced in Thli Foaltloa t un
not ttru'liiv lie Palled Apart.
There Is one position lu which even
the weakest perSOU may MKceoafUll
defy the effort of a llercUMMV If the
tip of the two Index linger be pressed
tightly together a shown lu the cut
no man, no matter how strong, will be
able to pull them apart, provided the
FOR THE PARIS FAIR
CANNOT UK POLLBO APXHT.
pull Is applied gradually and there I
no Jerk. There have been many at
tempts to explain why with the lingers
lu this poNltlnti so much force can ho
resisted, but none of the explanations
ha Been satisfactory. Theories of
weight, balance, and strain have all
bean advanced in vain, but the fact re
main and can Im easily demonstrated
t 'art atnat be taken that the pull must
be gentle at llmt and without any Jerk
Ing. I .it. i enormous power may K'
ippHef without pulling the tip of the
lingers apart
Women Sign r ,i .i , .
Barita aai added situ painters to tin
dally Increasing list of women vv In
work at men's trade. These women
have served a regular apprenticeship.
Including gymnastic training, so that
they will not lose their nervjj wtyle
working oil scaffolds or ladder. They
wear the gray lluen frock and cap that
la the house valnte.r's badge as well ai
hla shield from patut.
UNCLE SAM'S HEADQUARTERS
AT THE BIQ SHOW.
AreMteetaral stu Reeaablea Thst
Of the National t spltol - Wu.hiiiK
aa sag Mi KlnlerHtstiies Hrpose Hid
i. aide Baairlgtlea wMlldlagi
The Dai ted Rtatea nnUonal parlllon
at the I'arls exilllon will be oue of
the most ornamental buildings on thu
grounds. The accompanying picture
Is the llmt accurate representation of
It. for the "faked" plcturea which have
appifired lu some of the papers gave
BO adaqaata Idea of anything save Its
general contour, which hai long been
known. It Is on the Quay d'Orsuy on
the left bank of the Seine among the
buildings of the great powers, and In
one of the best location! at the egpoej
of the first census. 1 "ill"!. The
average rate of It western movement
ha lieoti .V.5 mil' cadi teu year. At
that rate the center of imputation In
1ISMI will he at the Intersection of the
.'Kith parallel nf latitude and the S.lb
degree of longitude, ut a point b""t
three miles southwest of Hloomllehl.
Creene County. Imllnna. twenty five
or thirty miles cast of the Illinois Mnte
Hue.
The exact loeatmn of this point can
not DO detarmlned until ufter the ceii
sun of 1000 hits been taken. Many nre
of the opinion that the .ve-tertl move
ment will be lee thnn heretofore, and
.omo even declare that I!' !"
,illH..i..wl the West iiunng mv I"."'
- In tho mutter of Increase
population, and that tbi
move as far
not
of
center will
ns .Mt.'i mile.
tiovernment offi lata wno are ,,.. ..
concerning matter relative to popula
tion believe that the t, r will remain
in Inillnna, ami thai It! mention will
be somewhere In tl.e vicinity of Terre
Haute.
UNITED STATKS BOILOINU POB PARIS
tlon. The plan In mpiare with a large
central dome und rotiiuda, which will
be used an a general meeting place of
Americana during the exposition.
Three sides of the rotunda have rooms
IB by opening out of It. That on the
left of UM main entrance will bo used
an a lounging room for gentlemen, that
on the right for ladle and that In the
middle a a parlor for both ladle and
gentle n. The MCOBd story will be
given to the Slate, where people who
o desire call ret and register their
names. The third story will ! re
served for the private nfttaoa of the
COmmlialonof general nnd ntaff. The
fourth Moor will ! given to the State
and used In a similar manner to the
second.
The building Is So by 1HI feet and H50
feet high from the lower level. There
will be two electric American elcvat
ors. The style of the exterior of the
building In classic, nnd while different
In design from any of the buildings lit
the Chicago fair yet the feeling there
prevalent ha bOOB kept and will Ih- lu
marked contrail to Um present French
buildings, which tire not so architect
m-iil lu treatment. The main entrance
In under a large portlCO which ipani
the esplanade, ami under thin every
visitor who walk to (he other national
buildings will ba obliged to pan. In
the center arch of this portico, facing
the Rlvef Seine, will be 1'ivtich's
statue of Washington, while a bust of
Preetdant MeKlaley wlU occupy a
niche over the door, lu the front of
the building on the river bank will bo
a boat landing which will be highly
ornamented as a classic barge. All the
boat of the American Hue which con
DOCl with the American trolley system
tit Vliicciinc will make a lauding at
thl pier.
The Interior decoration of the build
Ing are In charge of an art commission
composed of George. B. Post Oharlei
a. OooUdgOi John it. Oa uid well, r. r.
McKlm, John l.a l arge. Daniel C.
Trench. Howard BOiaell Hiitler,
Ohgrlea ' Hutchinson, Henry Van
itrunt. Halsty r. Ires, it. s. Pea body
and Henry Walter a galaxy of ar
tistic and architectural experts whose
Intention I to make ft the tliicst ex
ample of decorative art which the
United state ha thu fur produced
In any exposition.
NEW CENTfcK OF POPULATION.
tenant ofltKtl) Will Kin I It Near East
ern Illinois l.tne
What will be the center of popubv
Una of the Oaltad state in looo, a ra
ve i is I by the coming census. In lstm
It was a rural lot a few mil s south
of llreensburg, lnd , within the retail
commercial radius of Cincinnati. W hat
point will mark the center of popt.la
tlon next year?
The entire distance which It ha
traveled ta UH year, since the taking
In ls."Ml the center of population of
the Dill ted State was at n point al
most due south from I'arkorsbiirg, W.
Vn. Ten year later It moved over to
the southeastern border of Ohio, and
for thirty year remained In tint State
III UH0 It wa near Ghllllcothe. In
1S It dropped down almost to the
center of Cincinnati. Ten year later
It had crossed Into Indiana, and Mill
probably remain there until Illinois
shall claim It in the twentieth century.
It Is noticeable that lids center ha al
ways followed closely the thirty ninth
parallel of latitude. It Is a 'further
fact, curious enough, ti nt the majority
of the large cities of the Halted Slates,
a well ns of Northern Bnropa, are
either on or reasonably close to the
thirty ninth parallel.
In determining the center of popu
lation of nny country, the population 1
first distributed by "square degrees,"
as the urea Included between conaeca
tlve pnrsllel! and meridian ha been
designated. A point Is then assumed
tentatively ns the center, mil correc
tion In latitude and longitude to thin
tentative position arc computed. In
s;k) the center was assumed to bo the
cloth as
perfectly dry
ts-r. 1'or cruets.
cold, and should be dried with a clean
hooU U possiiue. am
rubbed with linnue pn
decanters, etc., tear
HO l et en
Up snine clean nr -i'i
Hl,out as big as lucent pice, put In
to bottle, half -tilled with warm wa er.
rive bottles a rotary motion. MB
"lean, deca.it and a little pra'll
throws out the paper. They will bo
as bright as new. To clean glasses
wUe glasses especially-which have
become discolored on edges, use cigar
ashea. friction und a damp cloth.
most
that
A NATURE-LOVER'S WEALTH.
Desire for Wealth l ought I.usurlc
n n Krror of Hum,
The following extract from an Inter
view with John BnrrOUghSv recently
anbllahad lu Success, contains thing
Unit are well thinking about.
I consider the desire which
- haa for the luxuries
pel soon - - - - ,
money can buy an error of n.lnd. It
meani nothing except a lack of higher
tastcn. Such wnntn are not uecessary
want, nor honorable wants. If you
cannot gat wealth with a nobla pur
pose, it i better to abandon it and get
something else.
spaaca of mind t one of tho In-st
things to seek -and liner tnstes und
feeling. The man who get these, and
matotalna himself comfortably, i
much more adinlrnble nnd successful
than the innu who get money and neg
lects these. The realm of power ha
M fascination for DM, I would rather
have my seclusion and pom f mind.
"Thl log hut. with It bare Boon, I
BiifllelenL I mil set down among the
baauUea of nature, nnd In no danger
of losing the riches that are scattered
all about. NO one will take my walk
or my brook away fr me. Blowers,
bird and animals nre plentifully pro
vided. I bare enough to eat and to
wear, B0d till"' to see how beautiful
the world I, nnd to enjoy It.
The whole world I after your mon
ey, or the things you have bought with
your money. It Is the trying to keep
them that make! them seem so pre
cious. "I live to broaden and enjoy my own
life, believing that In so doing I do
what Is bent for every one. If I had
run after birds only to write about
them. I should never hnve written any
thing that nny one else would hnve
cared to rend. I mnnt write from sym
pathy and love, thnt la, from enjoy
ment, or lot nt nil."
1 bought "er a Vision.
In "Life und Letter! of Harriet
Beecbef Bt0W0M Mrs. VtaJdl relates an
anecdote Illustrative of the peculiar
faculty of Professor Stovve of seeing
vision. Frotn early youth he had pos
sessed the singular power of seeing
moving about blm persons who could
not lie perceived by others.
Mr. Stovve, during her residence nt
Audover, planned to go to Huston oic
day oil business Making her prepara
tion hurriedly, she bade the household
farewell, and rushed to the station,
only to see the train go out ns she ar
rived. There was nothing to do but
return home and wait patiently for thu
next train; but wishing not to be ill
tnrbed. she quietly opened a side door,
crept noiselessly up the staircase lead
ing to her oxvn room, and sat down by
her writing table In the window.
She had been there iilniut half nn
hour when Profeesor Btowa cans in,
looked about lii in with u preoccupied
Sir, but did not speak to her. She
thought his behavior strange, ami
amused herself by watching bin; at
last the situation became so extraor
dinary that she began to laugh.
"Why!" he exclaimed, with n most
astonished nir, "I that you? I thought
It was one of my visions!"
BENJAMIN IDE WHEELER,
r.uilnrnt Professor Chooea President
of tha University of California,
it i generally conceded that in nam
ing Prof. Benjamin Ida Wheeler of
Cornell University to be president of
the University of California, n wise se
lection has Wn made. Prof. Wheeler
has been lookisl iiMin for several year
past an a very promising piece of pres
idential Umber, lie baa been profes
sor of Creek and comparative philology
nt Cornell since 1SSU, and lie Is now -IS
v V VJ
v. i "x. - x i r. Ni..r2. w w w
CENTKB or POPULATION M0VE8 WESTWARD.
InteraectJOB of the thirty ninth paral
lel with the Mgutr-elxth nerldtan
SUPPOSE
SMILE.
HUMOHOUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
1 HE COMIC PAPERS.
H.n.aut Incident Occnrrlna tha
aorlS over -SJ lnija mat Ar c. hear
fat to Old or Voima-Kunay Selec
tion, that l.vcrl.udr Will P.njoy.
T SlraUer-Tclfyou what I'm nerv
ous to day. Pin to call irtl HlM Ut
HpZ bnlght to get her final answer.
T. Haker You needn't be afraid. I
r,r.w her at the ItAtlonsT'l yeaterdny.
She left an order for xl-IHng cards In
tha name of "Mr. .1. Bhaker." PhlUV
datphla Baoont
llaed to It.
The r.ord High Keeper of the Seals
He didn't appear to be much Impressed
by the Initiation, did he?
The Grand Grinder of the Plnmlng
Sv.ord vVbal could yon expect? Ha
uya carpenter for n Wngner
o; ra troupe for three yearn. Indian-
up'jlln Journal.
Wise Men of Ootlinen.
"That wn n crazy thing for those
three v. Is - men of Gotham to go to aeu
lu a bowl."
"uh. 1 don't knoer. They wore wise
enough to nrnnl to get out of (Jothaui."
Boston Transcript
Her Ailvnnlns?.
He Yt.i women don't know your
own mlnde.
She May!": but we can rend the
minds of you men pretty well.-ludluu-apoll
Join mil.
Was tail KnrraT.
Baby -i fulled down, n'nnl
Mother And did you cry?
Baby No use, ui'mo I was nloae.-Judy.
out r in Kla-htj
"(let out!" commanded her father.
"Donl ever let me see yoll here ngalu."
"Vary well," replied the oonfldant
young man. "Your daughter can tell
you the nights I um to call, ami you
can arrange to be out until I leave."
Philadelphia North American.
Not n 1 tilniz nf lleantr.
Bootblack Shine, boss? I'll polish
'am up so yet kin see your face lu 'em.
Crump Cut out of here! I dou't
Want a shine!
Bootblack I don't blame yer, lxs.
If 1 had a face like (tat I wouldu't
Wailtcr see it Holder.
Not Snfe to Co.
"I think my wile will stay nt home
this iu miner."
"How do yon know?"
"She doesn't like my taste, and I told
her I thought I'd have the house pa
pered all over If she went away." Chi
cago News.
A Utilitarian,
"Ah," said the man who I Rome
tlmes morose and visionary, "if 1 only
had the vv lugs of an eagle and the heart
of a lion!"
"Another touch of dyspepsia!" mur
mured the family phy sician, In tones of
ayuBBthy. "My dear fellow, what you
ought to wish for Is the stomach of n
goat." Washington star.
"nnuht lu tile Act.
w est of tireetivv
eat h iquara dcgi
located at the , .
tree, except III
manifest that t
be untrue, ns, f
Ich.
Tha pnpolattna f
w a neasaMd to i e
r of that extaare da
where it wn
assumption would
example. v here a
part of the square degree n rw-ru-pled
by the eon or ot:.er large of
water, or where It contained a city of
considerable magnitude which wa lo
cated away from the center. In these
cases ii:,. poalttoa of the center of the
POpuUtlot ,,f the s.piare degree v. an en
H mated ai nearly a pwibie.
Railways and immigration have been
the gn at factors In pushing the . . -.t, r
of population westward. Another mat
ter whl, h affected It waa the acqaJal
tlon of Texas and the liadsd-'ii pur
chase. In calculating the Center of
popuuitlon Alaaka nnd our more
cent acUUjlttaaa are not luelu dad,
re
To take CI a.waro H'llne.
Tumbli rs and wine glasses should
Ih- was!,, , g ,ot water and rlns.sl In
Hunger la a terrible thing, but eoui!
men ooualer Uilrat mors w,
SrYLISH BPPeCTS IN PALL, fliLUNBRY.
year of age. Ills position as n classi
cal scholar is thoroughly established,
and his current papers on Alexander
the C-reat lu the Century Magazine
rnor. naxjaxtix m, wusKt.an,
have shown the wluer piildic iiow
broad a grasp he has upou the great
movement of the world's political his
tory, and also how eutertalnlngly he
can write. Prof. Wheeler I anything
but a recluse student of the type that
glvea ! IliVj devotion to the ilatlvo
case; aud he Is widely known In New
York for Id effivtlvenesa a a cam
pa'.gner and hi unusual aptitude for
practical poll ilea.
I'lous l enillle Ho people come Into
the church on a week day to pray?
Old Man Yes, mum; I cab bed a
couple of em at It last week! The
Sketch.
a Teqaialta i.nckin?.
Browne It aoeng to in- tha general
Impreeslou ntuotig our uciiunlntnnces
that we dldnt have a very good time
on our camping out trip.
Towns Thafi the result of not hav
ing had a ringla good liar In the whole
party. .New York World.
He thankful for what you have niu
cousole yourtelf with tha thought that
what you have not would render you
miserable If you had IL
Nt In It.
Mrs. Jackson tl Mr. White In good
society?
Mrs. Johnson Mercy, no! Why, she
calls her maid her hired girl.-Somor-vllle
Journal.
a Mldalnht Call.
"I wnnt something to drink." snid
the moaqultto to the alaapart "nuythiiur
win tin the bin." '
"You'll nnd n mosquito bar right over
there." sighed the sluinlKTor only to
awake mid Qnd that It was ou him -Kansas
City Star.
I'leaannt to Know.
He 'preparing to leave-I assure
you. xi is sweet, the time has passed
sway very pleasantly this eveulng
She .abstractedly, Yes. t la plens
snt to know that It la paat-Bostou
Iruveler.
It ta a good Ides to trim very few
people; those who are uot duuoneet
may be careleas.
"agg I think that there will be but
little more tltrhtlug nt the front
Wlgg-Why. It won't be the fault of
Our soldier, will t?
Wagg-Not exactly, but they are hav
ing a hnrd time to nud the f rot f -Cleveland
Usder.
n i roast h..j
r r. w-...i... .... eat
...... ., .KKirn- vx l,i r ,1,
down this I0 that y0u I,
for tu.iv r..f '""fllafcj'
Mr. Wlggbs Under ar.iJjl
Somervllle Journal. MaJ
Mia k,,,w .
Txing before I met I .
of your family." .,,, ,. 'aJ
"iea." replied the U,. I
coldly. "I believe pap?1" 0
HradstreelV "
..u,.. .., "IUa.
dm;" vu"' " psi
iWand lot 0f i,,
Metlmil In ).,jr'
Orawford-Whnt :. . 7
frightfully hot weat: r . ... 7 H
Orabehaw-Xever t
fool who goes hi Bfaiel, 0, ZM
pole. -New York World. l
A lie, .anl l'r.pt
I'rospei tlv e Lodger , ,,
llhatIgetarom,ln
I a nitli.it e n .i.i.. .
Landlady 0. this Is
alrl In the next room a
and If It wen. I,... . 1
., 'irnei oi esBal
practice all day long. nsbedwiLj
t M v , 1 III...... .. -
The MaJor-I, "7 .
thirst, Clllllie . what, ,.. mi
.'"u were oa
away on that deser t lalaodl
Tlbi'r '"' Why. aftuhdxtol
untold agony even watah tuteTaJ
New X'..,-L- I
.. . , i, own, n;u.
The Bammer r.trt
I wonder w in- it k ti, ,. ...
. -- -- ...... ui, uaan
an after hi t"
'I Mllppose it's . f,.,,l,,. . I
. "".' pui i.Jl.f I
utnuys leaning the proivKsiou.-
Pofely Htnarril Awnj.
Mniuma-Wlllle. did vou ent sal
Jam?
Willie Why, mtttnma. I iiMni.l
rats in tho closet, au' Just tliuuriirj
move It out of their rcacU.-IAjaivl
phia North America.
I'lrntjr for Tl.nt.
Mr. IV Hear nre: 1 wentanttasg i
this remnant of dress goods, tMltai
Isn't half euotigh to make a tam
skirt.
Mr. R Oh, well, never mind; Ifll
Tliiike a bicycle skirt then, ure.-rUl
ndelphlu Itulletin.
Bhe Krst. lllm So,
"Who Is holding forth to your h
band, Mrs. Brown r
"It's 1'rofessor Snark.'s.
rnves iilsiut lit in. Says Ills conn
tlon Is an Intellectual treat Oil
,,uL- to lu. Introduced."
"Thanks but I hardly feel efltafaj
i n ...ii. i ,,i-s;iiliin this l
noon. I think I'll Mop when.' I ttfl
you don't mind!" I'timh.
Ill, II, i.e. ftt
"Marriage Is so often a
don't blame so many xvomon faa
old maids." .,
..... . cf nvnrw at "
ixuinie liieiii; ajwl
Isn't their fault"-rblUi1aj"n
tlu.
Ot l S,IM t
v Alaehsnred cur
.. .. .... .1.. .1 illlllDt
riised to neip o,, M
"Well, that's l Ural Use I
heard of dlsmlaslng a
belnir 8aucy."-lM.lladripW B,
.. i iihe.
The I.ove Tliev Hear 'ay -i
R. II T-Were you -urprisid at i
What m"1
i i Iwr.-iSSl
,, ,
acceptance of Jack I
Holly -Not nt all.
was thnt Jack prop
dolphin North American.
Drew at-1
"Hid you enjoj the Wl
,,l,r!V" , r.d.tln'Wd
"Mt a nit. -x r " - jjias
me was dressed so pyajgl
any of the oft music.
BnUattn.
Delnelon t "'""gal I
"I told blm that he "ijei
man. and he told me 1
girl."
"And then?"
"Then we fell perfectly
ahead and get married
ord.
ft
Where Anaorlesni rn
knaricana, even thot" sB
Auierlcnns, even si!
boapltabto as any utitwa
might well take ...
Itiisslans In regard t"
a letter of lUtrouux..-- a
send WOW wueu
tl.
pay
gush
cell
ma won.
and .vou pay j,
formal calls and inc.. )ljfl
o'clock tea or eome " t
lug
The
v , ..., la"'
function or !inu" vt
Krencli are greal ' s' -al
ta but they are n ' gfl
. a.ked to dine
itini yvoi faun-'!
After that It Is youi o m aW
are not nskmi ng.. lrt t
Is different. 1
hnve accompatii"! niJ
hana nnd the women w
.,ted letters early m ' ,
om netnallr waiting ta-
returned frotn presnl - "
In Moscow tncj c"e
hours for my return-' 9tV
that there were not row . f
apond to all the I ' ' g-ej
frleudehlp. for
eludes even that -0Bi"
Companion.