Eugene City Guard.
I. I t a m rn r i i . PMftMan
EUUK.NE CITY.
OREGON
Of rourae tti corset truiit baa coiue
to stay.
Beware of the man who know moro
bout i In' bualneaa of other people tban
be kuowa about bl own.
The riar doesn't let a little thing like
peace conference Interfere with the
extension of tbe Chinese, rullroud.
A trust hna licen formed to control
the output of patent leather. This
otiaht t make patent leather hue
come higher.
questions lief. .re Ita own ronrta. "
peiior aU(J subordinate, sending Ita
children to achool and Ht tending
church Itself. Home of the AJMftaUM
who have recently landed on the In
land! without capital, tool or a trade,
Intent only on "developing a new
country," have dlMcovercd that they
are half a century Into.
SURE DKATII TO TICKS
WHERE FOUR EUROPEAN BOUNDARY LINES MEET.
GOVERNMENT
EO BATHS
HAS ESTABLISH
FOR CATTLE.
The perfumer have formed a trust.
Possibly It I dealgned to offset the
olfactory Invasions of the fertilizer M
topus.
Cradually It li dawning upon tin
world that the founlnln of youth la not
a fountain at all. It la a hypodermic
ayrluge.
Arkanaaa baa a woman 'who claim
to have Jilted Kunatoti and married an
other, but he got along swimmingly
Juit tbe same.
!
That Trench duel over whether
"Hamlet" wa lean or fat In Ita latter
phuaea aoincwhat recall the old cou
tentlou uhout Hacon.
Mr. t'arnegle dOSM'l aeetn to appre
ciate tbe kllld office of the multitude
of peraona who want to help him avoid
tbe dlagraco of dying rich.
A woman tainght a buahand recently
for 175. Evidently ahe la not a ub
aerllier to the aeutlmeiit In the aoug,
"I DM't Want No ( heap Man."
If, aa OoUJl P. Huntington aaya, the
"la-at way to DOOMM rli'h la not to talk
too much during hualneaa houra," bow
doea thl apply to barlcr and book
fen la?
Mr. Willie K. Vanderbllt doea all
her own marketing. If Willie bOpM
to keep up with hi better half he will
have to chop tbe kludllng wood ami
feed the cat.
Someone ha dlacovered that Engllab
apnrrow are ueful bOMMO they do
troy dandelion need. Aliuoit every
iMMly would prefer the dandelion to
the Mparrowi, however.
Forty Inmate of a certain penlten
tlary struck recently for ahorter hour.
In order to have preaerved the tltuittn
of thing they ihoulil have made It
"years" luatead of "hour."
A French doctor aaacrta that he can
(row hair thirty feet long on a bald
head The atatemeiit I prepoaleroim,
of rourae; but even If It were true, w ho
wouldn't rather have a bald beud than
hair thirty feet long?
Tbe parent who offer kidnaper a
reward with "no iiieatlon naked."
may lie doing the heat poaalhlc for the
return of Ida own child, but ll'a pretty
certain that he I helping along the
kidnaping of aome other parent' child.
I.liat year the jicoplc of the I'lilted
State line. I alaitll 7 I . ' " ' " pound of
ton. whl.il cot 1 1(000,000, The BI
tary of Agriculture favor another at
tempi at ralalng thla commodity In thla
country. Hi'veral elTort have been
made lo grow tea III the Southern
It tea.
A New York uinn baa llled a petition
In bankruptcy, claiming that the In
come of .; a year which he re
reive from hi graudfuther'a estate
la Hot alitlhiont 0 enable him to keep
III del it it paid. What that i fellow
needs la n J,.li that will keep him good
and IMS about eleven hour a day.
The (Ingnlnr lack of palrlotlam dl
played by the vat majority of (Milncac
la hot colillued to the MMUMM p,iplc,
but vitiate all otttclal circle. A Obi
neae naval officer nvenlly returning to
China after three yeara' atudy In tier
many at the MBMM of the Chinese
government, wna akcd whether be
Would acne bla country In caac war
a ins.- or Join aome other nation. Ill
prompt reply waa, "Walt and aee which
i-oinc out bet."
I. ', .. l
The and bunllieaa of executing tbe
Ian In the caac of criminal NAvtctad
uf murder. In (he American State
which retain capital punishment, la
undergoing a change which DMUMt
but I"- regarded aa for the better. I wo
of the leading State, New Yorli and
Maaaacbuactta, have adopted It. and
liuuiuiie aeiitluieut III the country geu
ernll.v ravora it. I lie electrode are
merciful, and are lea theatrical than
tbe gallon. The purHiM of capital
pmiUhmeiit la not to till the lun with
horror. Imt, tlrat, to put the oll'cuder
detlullely and forever iH'yond the ai
alblllty of repeating hi crime, and
second, to convince all person who
have ntnlMl poHHlMlltlc In li., ni
that II. law will bo curoreed If It I
broken Together with the enforce
Ml of the law there goo. In ih
Stale w bleb lime already adopted (In
electrical method of execution, a linn
pieveiiilou of ehatloual rcMirts.
Whirl are debusing to Ihe public aen
tlmont The worxl "electrocution,"
whh h li iNipulatiy applied o thla iro
MM Of lurilctlug capital punUhmeut,
I a tMd Md Incorrect one. It not
proM'riy loriuen iroin any classic or
agllU oiigln.il. and I not found
MM In the dlctloiiarle which were
written alnce the word MUM Into BM
No one word docrlhv the method of
MOCUtloB, which can only property Ih
,1. s, rlbad aa execution by electricity.
The fact that modern chllltatlon
baa lasii longer etabllahed lii the lla
vultiin llaud tban In any part of the
I lilted State Meat of the Itocky
Mountain will MM with mm element
of aurprb.,, to many reader. The
fouiulutlnua were laid by the mllon
rlea, who hullded no well that, when
gold wna dlacovered In California, and
tbe mining eampa were contending
agiiln-t lanleaane, which nccvaaltat
ed the orgxunlatlon of the Vigilante,
Hawaii wa enjoytug constitution
an .1 gtiod law, electlug members of
ta owu legislature, arguing lla legal
Tbe abolition of the exile yatem by
tbe Ituaalan government la a atop to
ward a humane Hdmlulatrntlou In erlm
luul nffulra by the czar. Whether thla
Idea I a result of hi effort for mil
veranl pence or whether bla rescript
sprung from a deterinlnntloii to ubol
lah trunairtntloii for p..i.n. al crime
mutter little. Hut evidently the ran l
or Kome of bl inlnlatera have been
reading history to Home port While
the building of the trail Siberian mil
way waa primarily a military enter
prise, even the government of Itussl.i
could not afford to maintain that gi
gantic ayalem for the transportation of
military tore anil soldier aolely, ami
It became a mutter of prime Import
nnce that the Siberian territory be d
reJopad to luch nu extent that It would
aupiMirt the railway ayatem that tal
lawn conatrueted through It. So lung
hn Siberia remained a penal colony tin
advancement wa an utter Imposslbll
Ity. The hUtory of Auatralhi allow
that It did not become a proNperoua col
otiy until It cenaed to be n Hotuny bay
for tbe detention of the criminal of
the HrltUh lalnuda, nor did tbe En
glish colouy uf Virginia bMMM di
alrnble home for Hrlil-.li emlgrnuta tin
til the trutiHMrtntlou to It of crlmliiiiln
nine to an end. The cnpiibllltle of
Siberia are beyond calculation, nml
once It ceaae to be the borne of ltu
Ian convicts It will attract the end
grant from the more thickly aettled
portlona of the empire, and become u
department of the government that will
lie rich In the producta of agriculture
and of Ita mine. Ituln will have
fewer men ami women who lire crimi
nal when transportation to Siberia
i-enae to be n piiulnbineiit for pull M. ,1
offeneM, for nothing hn stimulated
misdeeds of Hint cbnrncter o rnpldly
a the Inbiiinaii hitrhurltlc of the exile
ytem. There are Udh p.. II. y and bu
inanity In thl new movement lu Itu
la.
The more we obaerve the great fight
for life that gia- roiiatantly oil In tbe
world tbe more we MM to think that
whut the nvernge lndlvblunl needa
not ao much more wealth n more lei
ure. Time I more than money. Now
a mnn to earn that tangible aucce by
which the world Judge merit muat
Mink nil hi liner naplrntlona In Hi
alnvlah routine of uionev getting
Whether you obaerve a great rnllrond
a proHperoua atore, a NueceaNful new
paper, or tiny other thriving institution
be naNiired It Htiiuda for InBMtM pet'
Hotuil Niii'rlllce by tbe men that hnv
made It whut It la. t'otiatanl ami Imb
fallgable work, through the long dnya
and often far Into the night, with no
let up on holiday: mental Htruln to
the breaking point; neglect of family
and friend; cotiatnnt preoccupation of
mind II. ut drive out the thought of
recreation; nud absence of all oppoj
tuulty to broaden out by cultlvutliu;
the libei. il aide thla la part of tin
price a man muat pay for ItJCO 1
w hether It I hi own personal IUCCMU
or the Hiwceaa of mime liiatltutloti for
wlil.ii he atnnda HHior. The fearful
deiiinml made by our condition of
aoelety keep Individual In . ery ilev
lla dance to nvohl extlinihui. Tew
men ever have any hiauro. "Can't
get away from bualncaa," la the mil
eraai excliae, nun tbe reaiill In, men
taW innchlne and poor machine)
they get ruaty ami crusty and bir
uncle; they nIiimi tbeiiiRelve to death
to work to the pattern net by their
nelghlHira; they wear out rapidly and
they feel tOO laior to get out and gin
aome one else a change. Ijillgliten
incut I going to be the lllierntor of
our race, and for enlightenment wi
luuat have more leisure. Soi rntea nml
liel.eit I ....is SteveiiKou Mtolktd nt
drudgery MM) apoke laildly for lelaiin
a few men have done. Hut we will
OOUUttM to go on lu our clf desti ne
live lareer, until. In due course of
evolution, we have run our course an. I
a new aoelety, with new tamlanls
and Hew naplratloii. have aupcrscilc.l
our.
WHY SOMI HAIR IS CURLY.
l'rofMor Tkomann i, i
IlluatraU ih , if,.,, nf It.
Prof. Arthur Thomaon recently ex
hlhltcd a MtM lo lllUNtrate how nat
ural MrilMM of hair I produced. Ac
cording to the explanation three factor
MQIllN loiiNlderatlon lu the production
of curly hair: (II the luilr ahnft, (S) tin
I i.i 1 1 unlade, and iMi the sebaceous
Ulniid. Straight I. ;ili N alwny clri-ulnr
on xvsilou, and U naually thicker than
curly hair, which I rlbtMM like ami Hue
lu order that the tniucle may mi hn an
erector of the hair It I reoulalte Hint
the abaft of the hair mbtddtd lu the
akin ibOOld la aitttlcleutly mrong to re
alat ftnj tendency to bend, utile thl
la" o the lever like action MMMAff to
prodttca it arocUM ia dwtrojrad, when
the hair U tine nud ribbon like, the
far tha DM f Medlcatei l' e P.acb
Animal Ia (liven a Clean Hill of
II. .ii n Will ii r liancfit Houtb-
trn Stock HiiUera.
The new government regulation con
cerning the tiMpBMt of Southern cat
tle have now been lu effect long enough
relieve the South
ern tia-k rillaer
n u d N o r t h e r n
buyer of many dlf
tlcultle previou
Iv in evnlllng. The
i government oek
catti. tick. to preaerve North
em initio from Texa fever, to wbhii
Southern cattle nro subject. The fever
I trilliamltted from beuat to beiiHt by
mean of tick. In midwinter there I
no danger of Infection In the North
MUM frot, which la fatal to the fever
tick, protect uninfected cattle. With
the new regulation there I a Ihkui lu
the shape of a special treatment for
tlcky cattle, which provide all the I in -
llowit'HI.T ii ui I PMDt'OBD.
(A. Iralght hatr, It, curly our.)
shaft Ik not autlbiently atoal to reslal
the ui rain of the unlade and naturally
MM Ml a cme. b degree of i-urva
Hue ,leNMidlng on the development ol
the muscle, the resistance Of the hair
and the alie of the MtalCOOM gbyi.l
The curve thus produced taMMM lr
manent ami affect the follicle lu which
the hair la developed, the softer cell at
Ihe root of Ihe hair MMMMOdBtl them
ele to thl curve, and tavoiulng more
bMM M ""' ndvunce toward the ur
face retain the form of the follicle.
the c(ll on the concave side of the bay
la-lug more iviupreastNl than those on
tbe aMTM able. lu thla way the hair
retalu the form of the follicle after It
hn eciHNl from It.
I1KAOT Foil Till'. rM'NOK.
Pi WtfixW I
W. N ' v,w t Mi I'M I iWMiM.i. m-J
"ScCUr-' --
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
VA
To be on the fruitier line of four countrlea would 1 a novel exierienee to BOB!
men. Hut it in tli BOMM anJ daily lot Of tM police and cutoun ottlcer ahowu
lat tho Moaojpaaylaf pictara, A atap la ooa direction ami they are in Qfi'waayi
another tep tnk. tbrta 10 Ike Neiherlatnl; another to Helgiiim, aud another to
the neutral territory, IntoptfldMt iMf lU. a elf-goveiulng country of uhout live
amare mile lu extent, with M miy and no Import dutlea. Tbe UOfMU aljce
Mil on boratback I Hanked by the Hiitchmiiii. tbe llelginn conatnble and a tier
man MM oOcvr "tnuding in that order, ami the reprenentative nf tbe neutral
territory ba bin throne on a rock which I the highet part of the Netberlaud.
mem ed. The bureau of animal Indu
try rurulshes lUNpi-ctura ut tucb atu
dan.
CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK.
miinlty given by frot n a cleniilng
ngeiit. All Infected or raapMtOd cattle
muat be dipped In n iiiedicuteil bath,
ami the dip serve to give each purlieu
Utf bull, cow, calf or Mat n clean bill
of health. OonaoqnOPtly the cattle 111
dutry of the Suiltli baa received n
helping bund that will ba appreciated
In that nml other BOCtlonj of the MOO
try. There nro nt preaent only three
authoflaod dipping stations. They are
Port Worth, Texas, Mammoth Spring,
Ark., nml Jjist St. I.oiiIn, III.
The dipping apparatui coulata or n
lank BftMO feat long, nine feet deep,
and so narrow u.n not to permit n steer
to turn around In It. Side wall ten
feet above tbe surface of the ground
01' V0 n "aplaabera," nml nlao more
acturaly eonflna tin- animal while it i
undergoing treatiueiit. Tbe entire III
Hide of tbe tank I lined with zinc to
k. ep the content from leaking out nml
becoming wasted. The tank I tilled
Mtrly full with n dip. This I a con
COntnt tad dynamo oil, saturated with
Bo wan of aulpburi the sulphur being
about one half of I per cent, of the con
tents of the tank.
The operation of dipping consists In
driving the itaef Into n short alley, or
chute, which In then closed behind the
nnlmal. The steer 1 thereby left
landing on a hinged platform. This
give way with the animal, which
slides with n plunge Into the hind
oily lliiild. Ihe beast In subinerged
and walk out by the In. line. I bottom
of the tank. M titrated with Ihe mix
lure, i neu inai siccr in troubieil no
moro with tick, uml tuny rub tit
against healthy nulmiil without dan
ger of Infecting them, The dip mix
Ron of the "(irand Old Man" Become
the Liberal whip.
Admirer of the lute William Dwart
IHadhtoue, England' "grand old man,"
will be Intonated lu knowing that hi
ami, lion. Herbert
Cludato u e , h u
been selected by
the Liberal party
to act aa Ita whip
In tho llouso of
Commons. The
otllce Is an ardu
oii nnd Import
nut one, but Mr.
(iludHtone Is well
naaaae esaaaean known for his
tactful incisures and has an extended
parliamentary experience.
Mr. (IludHtone was in.rn In ISot and
received III education at Eton and
I'lilveralty College, Oxford. Much of
his political training he received from
bin father, nnd under the latter he act
ed us under Hecrctnry of Ihe home of
flee. If there be anything In heredity,
he may yet la'come tbe leader of tbe
1.11m nils and premier of tireat llrltuln.
THE LATE MLLE. RHEA.
A Foreign Actre Who Became Thor
nnghlT Americanized.
Tbe death of Mile. Ithea marked the
(ioHlng of A iem.irkal.lv aucccMHful
dramatic career. Illicit had tnOMMdl
of ad nt iron In thl country nud when
ever hIic wiin announced to appear In
any thing scat sold at u premium. She
YALE'S NEW PRESIDENT.
I'rof. Arthur T. II . II. . a Yonnx nnd
(lifted Writer and MudenL
Prof. Arthur T. Hndley, who suc
ceeds President Timothy Dwlgbt as
bend of Yule l ulverslty. Is one of the
most iHipuln.' and capable professore
of the college. He was graduated
from Vale In ls;i) Hud baa U-en connec
ted with Ita university ever since. He
r hod the degree of M. A. from Yale
In 1S87. He was llrst a tutor, then lu-
rnop. Avratm t. rtADi.KT.
i-i. ...... i Incident Occnrrinc tb
World Ovar-Baylnaa that An Cbear
fnl to Old or yoong-Vunny MlOOj
tie- that You Will Kujoy.
Amnte.ir SiKirtKiiian What did I
hrlm ilium, l'a I ':
Vat- Yer dog. sur: blew hla MM a
off.
iii.nt..nr Kiiortsmnn Where's tho
bird?
Pat Plcklnj at the dog. aur.-IInr
lem Life.
One Indncemrnt.
Rnndy IMkes-Hld Misty Moods die
bard, Hilly?
Hilly Coulgnte Nope! Very smooth.
Bandy Plkea But I always thought
Misty bad scruples 'gnlnal shiftiug off
de mortiil coll?
Billy Coal gate So he did, Sandy;
'till he beard da doctor any be wus
goto' to tils reatln' place, an' den he
Just paaaed away wld Uat sweet
smile."
An Object.
Rich Undo An you always so
quiet, Willie?
Willie Xo. But inn said she'd give
me n ijiiiuter If I behaved anil uinn i
Hiiy anything nlsmt your bald bead.
Ilurper's Hi.- it-.
B
I VIIL I... U """
. ... it B.n,.
uog ia always followed h7 "tJ
tie xo; not always- sun
man who shoots at the aT"'1 I
murksmou. ' b
ClrcamstaceTATter P
Teacher-What doe , , H
Bright Pupil-It
H t-.D
nj
"Win
. 1......1
application of the word.
Teacher Exphilii.
Bright Pupn-if tpi
siMdiH one thing, aDd ,f bm
bee It spellB unother kl
Cnmoenautory Alj,
this
'Mi
"""e-cln
I rather like
time o' year."
"You don't mean It
"Yes; when I K,.t i,,',
wife Is ho tired t .... . 1 "ft
...... sue ,.
r, . ,,
.ii j u i. u
way about
tali
'''fy thing,"
"""ko,,
Simple.
Do yon nndenttnd English?" in
gulled Hie vNltor.
'Xo." nnswered the attache of the
ChincKc courL
"Xor UuHNlan?"
"No. There's uo use of our learn
lug miy of those languages. All we
need to do when any body speaks to us
Is to take It for granted that be Is tell
lug us to move on." Washington
Blur.
Cun't lielleve All Yon Hear.
Mm vi MK
A uiau who lives on bope will spend
bla old age at somebody a else expeuae
lure I sure death to fever tick i h
lipped hunt me iietalneil In a pen
arter tbe bath, WbeTS they arc allowed
to dry. Thev are luamvtcd bv nun
mcnt veterinarian, to Mg If they have
btM thoroughly treutc.l. before being
passed
Several State have been working
with the above formula, and the bonnl
id agriculture of MlNoourl I well
Mtbttad that the dipping PMMM M
tlrely cradlcntea the tick which c.illse
toSMS that an amendment wun PMMd
In the l egislature of that State an
thorlilug the bdlMMsi of Texas ami
tantan em tie into btMasaH. Tta
State lard of agriculture of lllluol
BM MM agportaSMttni ou Texa cut
tie at lttckford. lioveruor Tanner of
Illinois hn opMOd the State to dlptasl
attle, with a ivrtltlcate fmin a govern
meut otll. cr testify lug that the cattle
have Ihvii treabsl lither Staltaj will
tanbttM follow huh.
lu MtnbtataMJ lipping stations ap
plication must ta tlrat made to the
Sivretary of Agriculture, aud ierml
alou grautial . fore action concerning
i heir lavatlou aud construction ta cum .'
KI4.B. BIlAi
wn iKirn In Kcgluiii lift y ihe yean
ago of French parent owing to the
dissipation Of her father! fortune she
wn early thrown upon her own re
sources nml sought the dramatic pro
Fees! 00 n a means of gaining a living.
After playing with marked inccoai in
the principal cities of lbs continent
ne came to onaon for a vacation In
ivsi. Bocomlng Intensted In Bngtlab
ahe determined to play In H, language
and lu one month went on the staH
with the pnrt of Beatrice In "Much Ado
About Nothing." Shortly afterward
she came to America nml began a
scries of tours which brought her be
fore the people of Dearly every Import
nnd city In the United State She
never afterward returned to B nnno,
except for brief visits.
structor In political science and later
a professor lu this branch. He Is now
professor of political science aud po
litical sconomy,
lie was born In New Huven April
'J.i, lSotl, nnd Is the sou of a Yale pro
fessor. He tins always lived In New
Uaren. Qs held the olllco of lalair
commissioner of Connecticut for two
years and was one of the most feur
lews officer the State ever bud, being
especially popular with the working
men. He I well know n ns a writer on
railroad nnd ns a statistician and stu
dent of Ihe lnlHir problem. lie Is one
of the youngest of college presidents,
but his brilliancy In admitted bv all mid
I I results ure expected from his selection.
fiotiang If you don't make your dog
Stop barking I'll have to complain.
Hewitt-How do you know he
barks?
(iobang I bear him every night
Hewitt You must not believe every
thing you hear.-St lAjuis Republic
FOLDING) CASKS AND BARRELS
Knock-Ilnwu Dsvles thai tnve. Hoain
anil Knight n.
Tta casks Med In many industries
lire DSCSSaarlly SO well made that they
are delivered with their contents on
the express agreement that they are to
i returned when empty, and tta cost
of the return Shipment of these conk
Is very serious expenditure. With the
v le of cutting this expense down to a
minimum, Phiuis klayotte, of Bscsm
ba. Mich, has la Yon ted u knock-down
barrel, which will reduce thl Item to
the very lowest notch. In his design
the barrel heads and staves differ but
slightly from tbe usual type. The
hoops, however, are of metal chains
Instead of dal Iron baud, ami tbe end
link of these are held together by
mean of tightening lailts, by which
mean., the tension Is at all time regu
lated. The chain are held securely In
place Md pre no ted from slipping by
means of plna, which are driven Into
the staves. When it Is desired to shin
the empty casks the tightening bolt
CHICAGO'S DAILY COW.
She Would Need to Be 127 Feet High
and OlTS lill.IKH) DallaSM of Milk.
If one cow was to give all the milk
consumed dully In the city of Chicago
she would need to be 127 feet tall and
to give 131,0OG
gallons of milk
aeh morning.
Estimating that
nn averaga cow
gives nine quarts
of milk a day, It
takes between
50.X0 aud CO.IRHJ
' 9"i "!r'-A O iaH
rA ftfjT it
-1; hi
CIIICAOO's DAH.T COW.
MWa to supply the average demand,
Tta milk comes Into the city lu 16,400
eight gallon cans. To feed Chicago's
dally cow takes each day about H.tHH)
tons of foml exclusive of water. It Is
estimated that 17.tS people are direct
ly engaged In gathering and distribut
ing the milk supply. If there are L'.OtK),
000 people In the city, each on the aver
age consumes a little over half a pint
of milk a day.
'' s...os In Finance.
'What Is conscience-money, pa?"
"Conscience -money? It la the
rents your mother leaves lu my pocket
wheu sho cleans out all the rust."
Knew Whit He Wanted.
(limine n dime's wuth o' dried beef
an sum crackers," said I'ucle Josh to
the young lady lu charge of the ribbon
counter In a downtown store.
"You have evidently made a mistake
In the place," Hlie smilingly replied.
Tills Is n dry goods store."
'Wall, now, I reckon I know'd that,
b'gosh," said the old man, "nu' ef dried
beef an1 crackers hain't dry goods then
I d like to know whut lu tarnation you
cull 'em."
Great I.tick.
Talk nlaiut luck!" exclaimed the
Spanish stateeman, ns ho completed a
Bum lu arithmetic which sturtod with
120,000,000.
'Do you refer to this country?" ask
ed the cheerless companion.
"I certainly do. What other govern
ment would have the good fortune to
lie for peace and get damages?"
Washington Stnr.
no
Opinion of a Fcoffer.
How do you feel about this dress
reform V"
'Well,
for It."
"How do you know?"
"Became after they adopt It
on't bo pretty."
Ihe Awkward Moment.
pretty women will go In
they
A lloatonlan Colloquy.
"Baton l give a definite answer tc
yottt proposal of marriage, Mr. Tloklo
well," the BOO tOO DUtldM said, lu culm,
even toues, "I must know what your
cuiv ictions are in reference to our iluty
toward the Kugllsh tparroW."
"Miss Howjomes," replied the voting
man, my position ns regard that per
MMted but Interesting bird Is ldeutl
Ml w Itb that of Thorcuu."
ltutber than confess that she could
not ut the moment remember anything
Thoreaii had ever writteu concerning
the Kugllsh sparrow the proud Hon ton
mam slowly yielded. -Cbl
uue.
Icugo Trlb
KNOCKPOWX CASK.
are unhooked aud the chains released
allowing the parts to separate enttrvlv
In thl shai many barrel may i.
hi Plied lu the apace usually taken gp
by one.
A woman with several men folk In
her family has to go away from horn,.
arraaMaWj to get to sit in a 1Mb las,
chair.
0
Curious OflVr.
A firm of Kugllsh tea merchant
offers to every married woman -i...
OOyS a pound of Ita fifty -cent tea for
live MMMttM week a peuslon of
flO a week lu cuse of the death of
her husband, provided he was lu g,v,H
health wheu she began to buy the tea.
Tta panetoa Is to coutluue aa loug a
she remain a widow.
1 tierary Tendencies,
Th arerag man who writes these day.
Hr thrashes old straw o'er,
A ml makes two leaves, at least, to grow
VA here on leaf was before.
I'evrolt Journal
Rcrlmble
So sorry I've none of ma
Work to show you. Pad Is, I've lust
lent all my pictures to the academy
Mrs. MacmlUloni What a pity i
ltd so much wsut to see them. HOW
oon do you expect them back?-Punch.
i i
Mother (to her son, jm J I
collegel-Whnt I- ii.... ....'.noniefte
overcoat for? "u"rJO(
Son It'a fh . ...
tho
was at the theater.
Mother-Hut here nri, rom
You didn't leave them ,
too, did your-Heltere Weil
Hard to DtselpIlM
War Seems to be very muAlv,
those old genii who get out ofuW
ties in the Arabian Nights."
"How's that?"
"Why. Il ls easier to let it loose thu
It Is to cork It up again."
Hitter WordrtWth, offlce
I lease, sir, on I K,t off th J
noon? My grandmother's dead"
"Yes; but It's too bad. 1 wr tal
to give you my ticket to the u
game."
From a Masciillar -1 , !,,,..,
"It's queer," said the )'oui;im
"that poor, dear John iuv j j .
word to me about remarrying. li.
ly can t understand 1L
"I don't sie anything so T.eryrHMit
able about that." rejoined her bscWot
uncle. "I suppose you are not Uk
he thought It wus his duty to win."
A Natural Deduction.
"The world Is mine!" exclalnd I
Monte Ciisto, Just before tke curUS
fell.
'Say!" yelled a Spaniard from Qa I
gallery, "are you the feller thej all
Uncle Sam?'"
Circumstantial
Husband (after the performus).
I didn't enjoy the show very mta,'
forgot my glasses.
Wife--Perhaps you did, itu,
your breath doesn't Indicate It"
I'unlshed for Hi Honetty.
So your boy Is lu the House of G
rectlon ?"
Yes, I'm sorry to say! He"-
ways so honest .and when "
anything he always brought ttj
and that's how he got cuugkt.-U
tere Welt,
A Way Out
Irate Customer- See here, jow
. .... , faa
man, I bought this nnir wuk
you. nud It Is absolutely worm-
Clerk We can't help that, sir.
Irate Customer-Hut you guaranty
ach bottle?
Clerk-Knctly, sir, but we MM
guuruutee the tonic.
Connubial HH
tiii,.,i Tiiwbnnd ishmgglnf
ahoulderal-You took me ns l "'
lenr. You'll have to put up WMJ
American Ilelress-I enn putup
you easily enough. It's what i f
for you that hurts.
ehort Kngaaement. j
'Is this sent engaged, Misi"
the tllrty hut drummer. .
No, sir, but I am; so yos
any show."
Tbun t,a ,lrinoll,.r drumia""
gers and looked out nt the rtjW
neiy.
Around the Wofld.
ronnd the world lu thirty " J
Is the possible pace set by I'rUW ;
,fr l... Tsul,, tinner .1 VI 11"-"
.... -
0
To 1
mi . A Vroai Record,
nre lived m this conn try an my
-u uie om luhaliltunt.
umiu i never had no trouble
uHiy, cept the durned
rruniint, an' the only
' '"oweii me in jail win l
nae u unin t understau'
ta '.'ouatltutlon.
"aud I
with no-
national guv-
reaaon the guv-
Jail wux la?
me."- Atlan-
A National Ml. t.
"You are not enthusiastic alwut our
Una an with the Ilrltlah. Uopin-r."
"No; I dou t want a thing to do with
them uutll they eall their EugUsb
sparrow home."
Wins and Conimuulciiti..
...i.. tin,, modern
uie cirvuii iu una i'"" ,
.lur '
Fed, but with these
routes specified he
.... i . ..ii.. ii-. in- are i
k,.,D ...... I,,,,....,,
ivan""
. . ,i I
ns follows: Bremen to Bt. " ' .
by rail, m days; St W"
hidlTOCtOck by rail at mile" B
10 lUya, Vladlvostock to San '
Cisco, via Hakodate Straits. V
san rrancuM to -cw iw -
New York to Bremen,
day
. ..lr.-llUll
pnsent shortest lime 101 - .. s
glol Is given as follows: Se Z
Southamptom. rt days: Smtha B,V
Hrlndlsl. via Paris. 8 dayl
to Yokohama, via Suez. " dayi
hams to San I"ruiHisco. 1"
San FYanclsco to New York.
or (W days In all.
FtrBt Alvertlai-ment.
Tbe first advertisement" er
were placed on the doors of
Cuthedral, London.