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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (June 17, 1899)
Eugene City Guard. I. I MHrILL, rrearletar. KUOENE CITY OtKOON In practice It proves to be ealer to dodge au uutomobilo than a hore. The national IMMMti spent $20, 000,000 la celebrating Dewey Day offl dally. a a nit individual Irm get (w themselves, liut the formation of lruU mean getting together. A bicycle with aall atachment la a new Idea, but the old dislike to going on a lack continues to prevail. Ladles who remove their bonnet In church bate every reason to expect In llWllg blcsslugs to fall upon tbelr bead. A medical autborlty say ptano DMA tlr.. Im hud for the lierveH. lie prole nbly DMMI when It degenerate Into bad practice. This liquid air of which we are hear liiK ho much baa no connection with ha melody that the enraptured ong lOTM drink In. r 1 J It was not enough for the other BlirODMII natloim to make China feel small by taking It territory, but here palll wnnta n allce of IL If you want the new German anodyne ask your dnigglat for dluthylglyoocol 1 u m I d o orylientoesuureuiethylcBtber. 'I'll. it h Ita Mliuide name. After the uniform garb of woe It'a In . n wearing that 120.000,000 may BUg gest to Spulu thut something In aucli large checks la colillderable change. Women lire ao clever at capturing thlevea these diiya that there la no iMgM any aufety In the knowledge tliut the men lire uway from borne. The peanut liusf la an accomplished fact, but owing to the abundance of the raw material It will never In- pos alble to corner the circus lemomide supply. I'erhapa Admiral Dewey hna lieen a little dltrutful of the luagailue ever Bluce he aaw the effect of the "blowing up" of the magazine of tbo Hpunlsh ablpa In Manllii Hay. A woman never acenm to know that ahe bM "ttfutUWd a wonderful feat, that bettor not la? uiidcrUkcii again. When ahe hna atepped backward off a street cur and atlll Uvea. Trlpb r hna reiluced the coat of liquid lr from . u half plot to 4 a gallon. Kven at that price the young man la probably thankful that "the au er girl" prefer Ice creum soda to liquid air. It eem to be the faBbluu Ju now to ahow your affection for a girl by taking ahota ut her with a revolver. It la u cuilotia Hort of abnegation thla, In volvllig, aa It doea, the putting of the loved M-roli out of the world. It the Hultun baa made up hi mind to my the little bill be owe to certain American cltiMM for home lueurred In the courae of the Armenian MM Bacre. Kven he ees the wladom of the motto "IHiu't monkey with u MM aaw." Two bundled yeara ago the rlcbeat m lu Now York wu a (lermiui, aud from thut day to Ibla the representa tive of that race lu America BAT been noted for biicivbs lu bualuea. In the purely speculative method of ncijulr lug wealth they do not figure very prominently; there are few "Napoleon of llnnnoc" among them. Hut where legitimate enterprise la the game there will they be found among the winner. The new destructive woaiain of war do not itecin to do much destroying after all. We uro told of aavugely fought battle lu which Maxim and Catling gun are ued, of tremeudou bomliardmeut, of deMTiite alorma of ahol burled again! the enemy, and then lead that the to of life oil the part of the fou aggregate from thirty to llfly meu. Aud the old fashioned cyclone goes on It way ami mow down hundred lu It path lu a few Becouda, to ay nothing of wiping two r three town off the fuce of the earth at the HUM time. Mr. Hetty (i recti ha opened a Cot tage at NaWpOfti the tlrst tep iumv vary to secure a dclrnble mntrtiuoulal alliance for her daughter. If the re turn ure not favorable we presume that KarVpt will Ih the next point of attack. It Kccmi Important that aome provision hould be made for Mta (recti, who la a very charming young woman, with more money than oue would bfl Justified lu carrying about lu Chicago after sundown. Now, Mr. lr. -en, with all her amiable trait, I burdly the person to arrange the ten der preliminaries, and we might nig grit that It would be advisable to He cure the services of a sbadeban of di plomacy aud addrviu, who would at tend to all the MtMMMM detail for a trifling consideration. We ve no reason why Mia U recti should not capture a prince If her affair are dell cutely mtinlpulnted. The aauttary vnlue of live Is a mat let which ha ben too little rcgard.sl All forms of vegetation play a more or lea Important nut lu tempering the exec of climate, but the service per f. .lined by trees I by far the most ef tlcieut. Their leave present a vast area of surface to the air, while the tree Itself occuple little ground space With the destruction of fore is have come marked change In climate. The winters have grown colder, the linn MM butter. Streams which ouce flowed evenly are now transformed lu few hour from trickling rill to raging torrent. The spring which fed th.-m have gone dry. The earth uot sheltered bj trees Is more deeply froien In wiuter aud more parched in summer With the extremes In climate, new and dangerous disease have appeared lu localities heretofore noted for their beslth fulness The lost trees cannot, of course, be recalled; but by planting others In their places and by prcscrv lug those which have o far ecaped destruction a real and lniajrtaut ser vice may be rendered lo the public health and the public welfare. The habit of using the heads, wings and breast of birds for millinery pur pose has always been the at dls- rouniglng condition with which the lovers of birds have had to contend. In the horn- thut an object-lesson might do something to discourage this practice, the Massachusetts Audubon Society re Matty gave a "hat ahow," at which price were awarded for the most at tractive huta and bonnet trimmed without the uae of other feather thnn those of the ostrich and domestic fowl. Many of the lx-t known society women of lioston gave the exhibition the sane Hon of their presence and their patron age, and all the prominent mllllm rs of the city sent the most attractive crea tions their designer could produce within the Rtlpiilntcd condition. The hata were divided Into classes, ami price were Is-stowed on those In which artistic result hud la-en iiehlove.l at small expense, lis well aa DpOO those In which nothing but the moat attractive effis?t ha I been . o i der.-d. .No thoii.'ht fill person who aaw the beautiful color combination, the artistic nrrangemeut of ribbon and flower and luce, could holp feeling that here waa enough to sutlafy any Natl love of the Is-uutlful, or any reasonable devotion to fashion; and thut tin- mental attitude which found these results unsatisfactory and demanded the Uvea of the birds to gra 1 fy Its vnnlly, was derogatory to true womnnhisal. There I a story of a Sunday-school teacher who remonstiiit ed with one of the DOM In her class whom ahe bud fllaCOTOMd In the Ml Oi taking the eggs from a bird's nest. "Thlttk how the poor mother-bird wih feel."' she said. "Huh,' replied the boy. "You've got the mother-bird on your hut! I goes she won't feel very Imd." The mural of the story need no! la- point. -I out THE DANCINQ LIGHT-. A curious condition exists at (iuatn. to which ('apt. It LMM has been Bent a governor. The tslnuils, of which (Itium I the most Important, have long iK-en the scene of missionary Inlairs, managed generally by the American Hoard of Commissioner of Foreign Missions. Some ten years ago the Bar. Alfred Snelllng was sent to the Carol lii.-s from lioston by this OoBgNgB Itonul missionary taiurd. I'or some probably good reason the work of Mr. Snelllng was not satisfactory, and a few years since he was relieved and the llev. It. 1'rlce wa sent out to sup ply his place. Mr. Snelllng Immediate ly revolted, and wherever Dr. Price established schools or opened churches Mr. Snelllng duplicated them. BtCb of the missionaries used his Influence against the other, and 111 these MBtM verales the natives took nn active part. Dr. Price wus recently superseded by the Bar. Mr. Stluisoii, who 1 now car rylng on the work In opposition to Mr. Snelllng. The bitter Is the more pop ulur with the native population, It be lug claim, d Hint he maintains his hold upon them rather by a Judicious distri bution of trinkets aa presents thnn by the aouudncH of his doctrines or the energy of his religion work. The Da tives ure all In favor of annexation to the Culled Slates, aa Is shown by nu Incident at Ponape, the capital of the Caroline group, which la held by tint Spaniards with a small garrison and two gunboats When the pisiple of the Island heard of the taking of (iuani by the Americans they shut up the Spanish garrison In the fort and made reaily tO deliver Ihcin to Hie Cnlted States upon the first demand. A few of the Spaniards eacap.sl to the gun Ik.iiIs, which they took up one of the rivers and concealed In a mangrove swamp The native show, In many ways, their kindly disposition toward the Cnlted States, and ('apt. I.ciiry will have an easy task In liiRtltullug a bet ter order of thing than the people knew under Spanish rule. HONORS A HERO. Flora out the country spire cool ami clear We flash Into the mixe of rlty itreeti. What MfMBl this that traigtilwsy doth appear? What land of faery thut our vlsloa greets? A fet of lights! Aud oi we roll along, A If each one some lovely dancer held, Tln-y Intel weave as to some rhorle song Which from the dark mysteriously welled; To whoe oft tune the rlinceri round sud round Move lu a rapture tremulous sod In tense, With languorous paces thst mske fslntest sound And ever duller and more drowsy sense. The dancing ligbtsl Too llngerlngly I gssed Ou their wsnn motions till, as oue wbo reell When hy souis beauteous, blinding vision dazed, And th. n, back to himself returning, feels Might glad of heoit; so, then, It wss with me As, looking up, I saw the heaven's calm Shedding the light of stsrs so silently Thut on my heart thst stillness fell like balm. Cur off and cool, esch, In his perfect sphere, Held, ss if motionless, bis swful way; Star unto star discoursing crystsl clear A Min n they sang creation s primal lay. Ah me! I would that when the dancing lights Of wayward passion seek my soul to sway ' With their wild motion, from those meaner sight I might he strong to turn my eye away. To where to' eternal itsrs so purely shine Truth, lleauty, Oood-and by thst vis Ion blast Lifting my heart to msks Its clesrness iniue, Taste then, ssrtb bound, the everlsstlng rest. Harptf'l Msgszine. EA Dead Man's Eyes. ill oft IBOIN1 W lIllMll Of A inn Pennsylvania's Tribute to llarlrunft, ..nil. i mid Statesmen. The statue of tlen. Ilartranft, which stands lu front of the new Capitol Itulldlug, In llurrlahurg, Pa., was re cently unveiled with proper cere monies and n pn rude. Cell. Miles and motuboM of the cabinet were present. This monument hna la-cu erected by the State of Pennsylvania nt a (is. BAIT AAA VT. est of 118,000 Tbo sculptor lias not modeled the hero ou the Held of buttle leading his dlvlalou In a charge or encourag ing hi men during one of the many sanguinary struggles fought with varying success by the Army of the Potomac. The "hero of Port Stond man" Is represented returning to his bE?Ts. UMMMi : Sat Tits BAATAABft momi uimt. native town amid the plaudits of the Mpulacc, who strew the way with laurel aud with palm. The gesture of the soldier prvxlnlm that be Is an swerlng the salutations of the public, the motion of his hand containing his cap Is arrested ut the end of the sweep that lifted It from bis head "Why should 1 marr you?" she ask. si. coldly. "Well, of course." he replied, vicious ly, "you cau be au old maid if you wish." If a man leaves no debt to bis chil dren be leaves au Inheritance that la good enough. The more worthless the man, the bet tsr bl health. lUUINlA CITY, Ncv., In the f the greut Comstock lode: man strolled down 0 street one Ju veiling, and then struck Into S trull which led upward ulong tbo slant of Mount Davidson. He was a large, broad shouldered, full-lM-arded man. At u point where the trull dl verg. .1 he stonped ns If for a short rest. ' uud. with hi hut in his hand, turned to : View the scene below him. The sun wus npproachlng the hnrlion. Everywhere the sky was u cobalt blue, save In the fur distance, where It changed to u delicate purple mid gtud- i unlly melted Into long, low Btreak of red, gold and shimmering crimson. LooklBfl down the canyon, Sugar Lonf stood darkly i.Ibousltsd nguinst the brill ant background, and put It- tnllea . further down and away the plain luy Bleeping lu Iho evening haze, lu the middle distance, the big red buildings of the shafts uud mills, with their lull, steamboat smokestacks, were Hhnrply outlined; on every side the white dumps seemed to How out of the Htlge- brush hills, uud beneath him clustered 1 the motley uud Jumbled muss of houses tucked to the steep mountain hide Nevada's chief city. Another man trudged up the trull and pan -..I when he descried the tlgltre uliead of bin. He was not cast In the heroic mold of the tlrst. II Ih face be- traysd tha LatlB blood. Then was u look of vindictive envy In his small, band like eyes as he watched the con tented man above him. He wondered j If all the tilings they said alsutt Jim . Sanders were true. Why wa II he hud ' no partner ami worked hi claim tiJouc? Was there jiuy truth lu the rumor thut Jims claim was paying well uud that he was kat ping his money hid Instead of banking It? As to his own claim well, (!us was a good and uWcomplalii Ing worker, and the cabin was nil right to sleep III. Mining wus a gamble any way, and so was faro. Still one knew there wn money In faro, If the curds enme rightly. Hut this evening Jose Casadru was broke. A week before he bad won u thousand dollar ut a single sitting. After a little while the object of hi gaze moved ou and Cnaadra followed, keeping well In the rear. When he arrived at the Sanders cabin, Jim stood In the doorway. "Hello, Joe!" 'Hello. Jim!" " J "How they cotnln'?" - "Damned bad," navagely. "Hctter leave the chips alone, Joe -there's nothing In It," said Jim, phll osephlcally. "Why don't you help the poor Dutchman out? More money lu that. Joe." "Advice Is cheap," replied Cnsadra, III natur. dly. "D'ye think ye'd bo will In' to give me anything else?" "I might," said Jim. clutlily knocking the ashes out of his pipe ugnlust bl boot heel. "Then lend tne n hundred dollar." "No. Joe. I won't; It wouldn't do ye any good." "To hell with your advice!" ex clnlmcd t'usadni, angrily, striding I swiftly uway and up the trail to the cabin he shared w Ith (in. The next morning, on hi way to town, he stopped at Jim' cabin. In his mind was a half formed resolution to ay some comnionphico thing to Jim Which, the latter might accept a an J BpslOAy for his rudemsa of the pre vious evening. There was no sense In making uu enemy of him. He threw sway his cigarette and hesitatingly approached the door, which tood ajar, ami look.sl In, What he suw startled him. Jim win lying on his side on the bod. with one arm throwu over his bead HI big gray eyes were wide AM mid seemed to lie looking Casudra full lu the face. "Mornln', Jim." There was no response not even the quiver of su eyelid. Casadr watched blm uneasily for a niomeut, aud then turned ami weut ou his way to the town He w. in lend If J I til Slway Slept In such a queer fashion, and If such a sleep wa s souud oue? It wss late lu the night when he passed the cabin aguiu. The dsr was still ajai, tad all was dark within. The following day. shortly after sun rise, found blm Is-fore the partly ,M-ued door. He had a premonition of what he would s..- us In- suddenly pushed It Ritfa op it "' wM lying on his side with his urm over his head, the mien eves tiled on the door way. In two steps t'asadra was ls-slde him. He put out bl hand, involuntarily withdrew It for a second, and tbM with uu effort, placed It on the forehead of the man In bed. The touch was Icily Cold. Down over tie li-art went Un hand; there wa no rSSpOBsa from that fountain bead. Then JoSS kn-w M wus not looking upon sleep. Murder or suicide? He thr. u off the bad clothes, expecting to SCS blood, but there was none. Just Ibeo ha suw a sheet of writing paper lying "'i a IBMS by the bedside. Picking It up eagerly, he read: "Dear Brother: I have been taken suddenly III tO-nlgbt If the worst should happen, when yon come on, go at once Into the shaft In the second drift, exactly twenty four test from the shaft, dig " In au Instant the paper was crushed In bis baud aud thrust Into hi shlrt bosom. Furtively In- looked around, a If lu feur of being detected. He DBMf thought or the body lu the bed until bis wandering gaze fell upon the pallid fae aud the distended eyes staring fixedly ut blm. Nervously he moved to the door; the ey. s followed him. He stepped almost behind the bad and yet felt himself within the range of the awful vision. Many dead men he had seen before, but some one bail always closed their eyes for tl 1. These eyes seemed to move like those of some old portrait. It wus lute In the afternoou when he notliled the coroner of bl discovery. The body was tukeii down to the under taker uud the coroner decided an In quest mill' ccssury. Sunders belonged to n Masonic order that took charge of the funeral arrangements. The fact that Casadra left Virginia City the night of the day the body was dlscov ei . .I was noted by some, but no espe clul significance wus attached to his departure. Two months later In a gambling house nt I I Puso A crowd of men sitting and stnudlug three deep about the faro table; tb dealer pushed the cards out of tin nickel pluted box, unconcernedly pay ing (he lucky bets and sweeping away the others; every one oppressively slleut; all eyes on the different stuck of chips ami the fateful box la-fore the denier; the money-drawer of the table pulled fur out, disclosing the shining twenties; and Jose Casadrn "keeping cases," betting heavily, and losing. Hut he was too old n gambler to be tray by an expression which way the weather vane of fortune polntod, uud when he had lost three heavy bets bj succession, not a muscle of his fuce changed ns he calmly put a large staki on the ace to win and "coppered" tin king for nn equal amount. A hand reached over the fringe of the crowd uud placed a modest numls-r of chips ou the MAM cards. The nee won; the king lost. I.Ike ull of his superstitious fraternity, he was quick to notice the slightest Incident connected with a change of luck, and now waited for the band before making his next venture. Again It enme over the head of the crowd, and this time played a coinhlun tlon of the five, six, seven, eight ami nine to win, ami the queen ami Jack to lose. Instantly Jose had J.'iai on the same bets. (Mice more he was success ful. When It came to call "the turn," the party behind blm ls-t "trny -deuce." .lose did the same. The tray ami deuce cutne out lu the order named Then he cashed In hi chips a w inner, and get ting up from the table, pushed through the crowd to see who It was he had so luckily followed. The tuati was In n distant corner of the room by himself .Ice's dark face became suddenly livid, for he found himself looking Into the eyes of Jim Sunder. The eye were In tin- head of a tall, heavily built, and smooth faced nui it. "Who are- you?" weakly gasped Jose, bucking uway. "Who am I?" replied the other In a Jocular wu.v, although his eyes belled It. "Who am I? Why, don t ye know tne?" "Not not Jim V" i .- .lose ho.i: se whisper, its he gn.ed In Incredulous flight. Hut the blood was slowly com--big back Into his face, tht voice wus different, If the eyes were not. "No, I'm Ton Jim's brother. Jim's (lend, ye know." "Yes, I I-know. but your eyes? Damn you! WhercM you get those eyes'" The other advanced a step. "My (lod! It is Jim:" he almost scrcninod, ns be cringed In abject ter ror against the wad ' Say, what klud of a feller are ye anyhow, to lie so nkcnrt about a feller's brother? S'pose 1 hcv got Jim's eyes? Ain't they g.sjd enough? Jim bad a little the boat o' me be was a half hour older. 1 Jest kern from Ylrglnny. Kv arybody thought Jim left n stake, but he didn't, pore feller leastways, none that I could tlnd. How long since you bSJSfl tlinr?" Some of Jose's confidence was re turning. IK- muttered au uotutelllglble reply. "How much money you got?" The colossal Impudence of the ques tion would have astounded any stranger, .lose looked angrily amazed. He started to reply with au oath, when suddenly his face changed. "lvu't look ut me like that!" he whined. "1IV much money you got?" repent isl the big man, calmly but remorse lessly. Jose straggled with himself to MSB silent; but the cold. MUbSMtS and Judging', y, s compelled him to speak snd tell the truth. "Pour , tha IMHUsd dollars," he fal tered, barely stoM a whisper. "So you v,. gt $4,(100 nowj" echoed the other. In ton, s of great satisfaction Abject fright again swept luto Jose's face. Pout thoufcind? Why, that was exactly the amouut he The tMVfBt was not even flnlshed In his mind. He saw that the eyes read guilt In hi own. By an almost Biqs-r human effort he broke the hypnotic spell of tlie dreaded gase and looked hurriedly alsuit him for help, lie tried to cry out., but bis throat was dry. Then his hand shifted nervously be hind hlw for his revolver. M that! Sons o' that!" crl.il his captor, warulngly. VM t BJ eyes on ye. snd I've got bis eyes In njy bead, and I kin ee with 'em. too. I klu seeyou'r. guilty guilt) ' ateallug four thousand o' Jim's good money. I waul that four thousand ye got." Jose, blanched and terror-stricken, made a gesture of denial. No use o' denylu' It," resumed his Nemesis, coldly aud sternly, "for I Brant In Virginity for Mthlt. 1 MAM o' you tbar. I wa lu that drift u well a yourself. Ye left a wide open trail. V.- dou t think I iteon roiienu ye i... uotulu', do ye? Ye don't think I've MM keeplu" my eyes Jim' eyes on ye to let ye git away from me now? Come outside ami give me that nmuey. Come on, now!" with his fnc toward Jom m opeosd the disir and stalked out. And Jose, powerless to resist, followed blm Into the night. nichardson, the mine superintendent, and Thompson, the San Frnnelsco stockbroker, snt talking over tbelr cof fee and cigars In Virginia's best res tutininL "You any be saw the whole thing?" "Yes." "Well, It certainly Is n remarkable itory. When did he return?" "Yesterday. I liellcve." "Of whom nr.- j oil speaking. Itlchnrd son?" some oue usked from an adjoin ing table. "Why. Jim Sanders, that fellow who went Into n trance three or four months ago, and so narrowly escaped being burled alive." -Argonaut. . The California woodK-cker will carry an SCOTS thirty miles to store It. The bind crabs of Cuba run with great sn-ed, even outstripping a horse. The dragon fly can fly backward and sidelong, and cuu alter Its course on the Instant without turulug. Nothing, perhaps, Is so bitter as olives freshly picked, yet after they turtl purple and black, bogs soon learn to devour them. One of the longest-lived birds on rec ord died recently lu I.omlou. It was n parrot named Ducky, the property of the Prince of Wales, and w as a century uud n quarter old. Dp to BO years of uge elephants are useful members of Society. The sweet aud luscious grnpes are eaten with great relish by horse, cows and sheep. Deer arc fond of grape, uud often do much damage lu Califor nia vlneynrds. Hogs fatten upon grai-, rabbits lore them, and a num ber of the wild unlmnls, as the elephant and camel, will cut them. The squirting cucumber of the Med iterranean alarm goats aud cattle by discharging Its rip.- fruits explosively In their faces the moment the stem Is touched. The cucumbers coutnlu a pungent Juice, which discharge Itself Into the eyes of Its opponent and the smarting Hcnsntlou which result la hard to bear. LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA RIOUS HUMORISTS. One or Million. Once upon u time there lived a mnn wbo wanted only a few things that STSrybody wants, snys the New York Commercial Advertiser. He wanted plenty to cut and dlilik. leisure and tin- woman he loved. Hut he found that to huve time to himself to make It possible to live I -BBntlt with his sweetheart ami give her nil he wanted, and to take care of the cbhildrcn that they might have to dn nil this he must have a great deal of monev. So ha went to work and built up n greut business, n very complicated ma chinery. To this money-producing ma chinery he wus forced to give most of hi energy. It gave him no time for leisure, no energy- for enjoying the sun shine, his wife and children. Hut ho began to enjoy the machinery of his business. When he hnd made n largo fortune UU only thing he enjoyed was the inu- hinery by which he could make more money, lie had lost his Interest In the things for which he began his busi ness Perhnps he t-tlll hnd Interest In food, his wife and nil the naive nhvs- leal and sentimental pleasures, but It w as n blunted, dull Interest The nnlv live Interest be hud was his business. A New Story or llaroourt. Not many years ngo Sr William Hnr- court visited a mntisnf-wur lying off the Hampshire const After dinner the weather became rather rough, so the CSptaln 0 small, dapper mnn sug gested that sir William should iiaop on board, aud surrendered bis own berth for the night to the ex-Chancellor of the B-CMQMf. Next morning the cap tain sullorsservant, who knew noth ing of this change of quarters, bromrht a cup of coffee to the cabin door, and KuocKcd once or twice without receiv ing any answer. Somewhat alarmed he entered and asked, anxiously, "Don't )ou want your coffee this tuornlug sir?" The only reply was a BTOwL ami tha terrltled sailor saw a gigantic figure turn over under the bed-clothes. Dropping the coffee, he rushed in th. ship's surgeon, exclaiming: 'Tor good ness sake, sir, come to the captain. He's PSSChksBs, and swollen to teu time his iiuturul Bar The PAosssta, The Phoenix was the nama f .h tlrst tire Company In P.ngbin-I. nnd it was established lu li'e2, . .i.,., ,,.,, In the towns, squirts or syringes were Mad for extinguishing tin-, and their length did not exceed two or three feet, with pipes of leather, Wniertlght seam less hose was tlrst made lu Hcthu.il Ctreen In IT'-M. An Attraction at the Par Kxpoaltlon One of the new thine to Is. shown at Par s next year Is I model Vesuvius, :v'ln feet high Slid 41k. feet in diameter built of Iron, steel, cement and turf. A spiral path bOMslNd with cafes will wind up the volcano. Inside la tn i represented Dante's heaven and helL One of the first persons to call on a newly married man Is a piano agent. When love Is still young, all sorts of sgents fssten upon a man. believing that be will be soft and pliable as putty In their bauds. riiatrr Incident Occnrrlnw the World Over-Haylna that Art Cheer ful to Old or Yosna-FuunJ' MM UasH that You Will Knjoj. We i In't be nfrnld," observed the gtoropenii diplomat, of "any permanent alliance MtWMfl P-ngbiml and the 1'nlted State. All that Is necessary Is for us to wait a few yeur." Ah." replied another diplomat "you'd wait until some other Kugllsh Utbor visits America aud describes the country?" "No; wait until there I a boundary dispute MtwMB Canada and Ontoago. -Puck. Ill Una the Total. "I that the street aWMPOfl" "No; It's the brewery delivery wagon of the Hensley's. Mr, lleasley get them to come after dark, so that the neighbors won't count the cases." Clcvclund Plain Denier. Didn't Like It TWm't voit think I write with a great deal of dash ?" Inquired the uew w oman reporter. "Yes," raaponded the city editor, "nnd I'd much prefer to have you use com mas nnd Mffll colon."-C'levelaud Plulu Dealer. No ii hi. "Did you enjoy the symphony con cert V" "No, not nt nil. A girl who snt near nie bad ou three color that didn't har monize a blt."-Phlladelpbla Bulletin. I'ronnmjr Is Wealth. Mis. Nubbins (to her husband, who has Just returned from lighting a tiro In hi wikmI lot) For the laud's sake, Silas, you've burned yer hands Jest aw ful. Why didn't ye wear yer buckskin glove?" FarBMr Nubbins I reckon I know what I'm about Hanner, This 'ero bide of mine grow on again all right but buckskin gloves cost uiouey." New York World. On the i r,..,i Tour. "Do you in l ml If I go out lutn the smoking compartment of the cur for a few minutes?" he nsked. "You'd belter not go Just now," she replied, suggestively. "We'ry coming to a tuuuel lu a few minutes." Chicago Tost. Finnic V.xceptlon. "Ob. mamma, I'm miserable. I know that I'm not fully in llurold's confi dence. Did pupa ever keep anything from you, mamma?" "Nothing That Is. nothing but mon ey." Detroit Free Press. Itarktloor Con venation. Mrs. Watts Well, bow does your breakfast suit you? Weary Watklns -Pretty good, mum, but It ain't like the handouts father Used to got. Indianapolis Journal. A Thoughtful Child. "What Is the trouble, Birdie! "Father said wa mustn't kiss any body, 'cause we might exchange mi crobes, an' I was Just thinking that Tommy Itnglun must have a lot of microbes, nnd I ought to get 'em buck." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Thank Heaven I 'I see It Is becoming the fad to have your wedding cluemntogruphed." "liut u feller doesn't have to have his courtship clnemntograpbed, thauk heaven."- lioston Journal. Another Point of View. 'This really pnlus me, Willie." said the old gentleman ns he picked the boy up aim laid nun across bis kuee. "Well," replied the Imy, resignedly, nt least I've never been fool enough to deliberately hurt myself." Chicago root . volution in Ure. 'Uiok, Kiln. I'm wenrlncr lonir .t,.,...,. already!" "O, Unit's nn old storv with mot alrendy wearing short dresses again'" -HeltoN Welt Heroic She If t were a man I would never MM until I hnd become a hero. It MUM to me every man who Is a man ought to do something heroic at least Once in hi life. He-Well. I don't know but that you're right. I thluk myself that every man ought to be a hero once In a while She- Then why don't you have the courage of your convictions? He I have. Didn't I walk clear down the aisle to the front pew with you after the preacher had got nearly half through with his sermon last Sun day morning? A Temntlna- frnbjcct. "If Shnkspoare could be alive now" remarked the fanciful person, "I won der what he would think of all the con troversy his works have Inspired." "A man of his genlua wouldn't miss the opportunity." replied the student "H. d write a splendid satire on 'em." Washington Star. Effective. w a louug i nullum i.uw j, , t . 1 aiiged to have the nrl. . T -- s Ifk babies sit lu front of the tor, ... ull through the trial. Do , tJt udvlsnble to pick bachelors or iui men for the Jury? "rn-j old Criminal Lawyer Ob it a, M-M a purtb le of difference -in? elors, they will sympathize HtT? woman and babies, and If married J they will sympathize with the nrU.. -Puck. 1 A Hrntal Kachelor. Aunt .Iain- It'- so nh.n ....... . w- in hi fur. i l.nliv 111 II... I. ,1.1m., wumer now can it ,. when there Is a MBtlAUal SipmllJ (!" - - - Moat llallke the tec Nurse-Why did you strike your u tie Mst.r.' Johnny Katb- nnd I was nl.rt Adam and Eva, and Katie nte thewbe nppie. iew lorn world. He Win Left out. "And so you are not going to run fnc the legislature any morel VVhlfiai matter? Too much personal hoslaa to look after f ".aw, that ain't It but I'm disguittt with the whole business. They didil put me on any of the committees tim went around to Investigate things ad hud their railroad aud hotel bill." The Difference. "So you went into the stock marls yesterday and made several thouiuj dollars, suld the young niiiu s uncle. "Yes, sir." "That snows now one may, sritA proper pluck and promptness, lame) If he will only take advantage of bis opportunities." "liut I lost that aud several tuouunii more to-dny. "Young mnn, how often have I toll you that such transactions are mcny gambling, and that you ure bouad'k come to grief, sooner or Inter, If a dabble lu them? "- Washington su.- Kncoiiruginu, "Do you thluk you have snakw with her, Iti ggy?" "Of course I do. She sajt tavit that I'm oue of her chance tcitu-auces."- Detroit Prce Press. Prudence. "What made you challenge that American to a duel?" asked a Partsu Journalist' friend. "It was In self-defense. 1 thoorjit thnt If 1 could get blm to light tlti weapons we could make It the total harmless affair. Otherwise he'd likely to Insist on trying to whip at with bis lists, nnd probably hurt mt."- Wnshlngton Star. The Country Where Nobodj II n: Traveler-Why Is your clock &1W two hours late? Btatlon Agent-So thnt the trains win leave at the times set down on the tiow tublel-Fllegende lllnetter. Muted. "Well, I see you've moved. Did Ui people you employed do n good Job. "Ptn nun broke only Ave uiln out of a possible six, and 1 think ' have the plastering they gunc - renlnced at nn outlay of not more W 45. I tell you these movers are p ting their business down to a scleM nowndnys." d r.ira Wnr. will; - - - TI..LH1.., I'.,. hn,.ll ns fur a the (I1- llk.!OHSl 4 w m ' . of the dentist's ofllce three times, but' enn't get up courage to go In. . - r-ii ...11 ..no ivlint to (111. S'1" .iniiD-i it j o u -- - the money down lu advance. That w make you desperate.--luaiuuai".- JouruaL Why Tommy la Oood. Aunt Sophln-And Is Tommy l" nine ooy nt scnooi i Tommy Y'es, auntie. Aunt Sophia-Aud why Is Tuma" good little boy? m Tommy-'Cnuse It's better fun the other boys get a licking thanl" one yourself.-Boston Transcript Hla Concern. A commercial traveler on W called upon a well-knowu cheat was nervous as he put his h:iJ 18 pocket and handed out a caul. "I represent that concern.'' M'a young man. , "You are fortunate," repn i , 1 1 1 1 1 . i . . Tl, mmtnl trnvuler WBS eDC- 1 III V I'UI Oil 11. 11,, I a .l . ageti, ami sain. M "I think so. sir. nnd the cbeuuw ci. a trades with us is even iu , arm has the finest line of COSffleO" A.., -- M kilt' t'UlllI . (, j.g. MI houldn't have thoujrht It . .... nf imillcl9 irsouuuevi iiic it..." ., .... . . - - nn,.ir:ll. tier complexion uaias u j And he handed back the pi t-'-'', which the young man had g:v' ' by mistake. He took it ami l iu, naiiiu fcv m."... marks. . , ,..i . Enforcing trie ivu. - , "The gentleman from Sjuisiun thief, a Uar, and " "Bang!" went the gavel, nod wjj Biding officer exclal uied : " 1 utf man will please address bl r, I!a the chair." Philadelphia North