Eugene City Guard.
I. t. AMI ll r I I ri.tl.i.r.
EUC1ENK CITY..
ORKOON
No. Tho tile ond the hut trust hare
o connection with ouch other.
win the fti wHnii f the eoppsf
tniKt bo likely to iSSCt the price of
rents?
We nre not Inclined to the opinion
that the man who want to marry
Ueleu (;oiild U liiHane.
I .
The laundry combine recently Incor
porated In New Jersey will put up the
ItnootheNt front of them nil.
The Intern Idea Im to build a warship
to In- railed 'The American lilrl." It
teems natural to think of a suoiig
iruiot round It wnlst.
An eminent singer Iiiih recently or
dered her tomlmtone. While oslbly
no press agent's story, It certainly ban
a "positively hurt farewell" look
about It
A new tel. 'scope now liollig built fur
the lnrlM exposition In warranted to
bring tin- IWMM within forty one mile
of us. At too Bhort range there may be
tome danger that wu ore all become
luuatlcM.
r. e
A palmlHt Hay that he read Kipling's
palm la-fore he became famous, and
that lie Lin n, throughout the poct'H
Illness l"t winter, thai he would get
well. If In- had MM fit to announce
the fact It might have relieved a very
v Idespresd sasiety.
The rule ngolnat the wearing of lint"
tu a place of public amusement has
now become Hulllclently a matter of
cotirHe that the womnu who keep on
hat- especially a hat of the prillOl
season throughout a concert or play
Slump herself iin lacking In breeding.
The miliaria mlcn.be, U well a many
other dlacuac genua, la an anlinnl, on
(lowed with probably all the attributed
of higher brute life. To Nature mere
ize U nutlilug. A micro!- therefore
limy be, for all we poor clutnay liclng
may know, a more perfect Itclng than
we ourselves are. Now the CJUOStion la,
ahould not the Hoclely for the l'reveii
tlM of Cruelty tu Animate, the antl
vIvlHectloiiliitH, etc., pounce on the men
who are using these poor little microbe!
au roughly We nrv all nilcrola-s.
An editorial commentator In London,
In reviewing the recent Vamlei hilt
Fair wedding In New York, puta forth
the following reflections: "The wed
ding prcacntH are said to lie worth
1400,000, and the description of them
n ails, iih one Indy Irreverently aald,
like a chapter In llevelatlon, all big
pearl and gold. The Incident Would
not be worth mention but for three
facta of aoine social Importance. Mil
ls that the plutocracy In America ex
cltce at leiiat us much attention iih the
aristocracy In Kurope; another la that
plutocracy thluka It advisable to advor
tine Its iplMdori and the third la that
the democracy, Inalead of envying thll
wealth, evidently enjoys the profusion
It produces as a aort of highly colored
picture that break the deadly mount
nuy of the scene around The wedding
la a ma MUtl with a continent for spec
tatora."
Some of our foremost educator are
In favor of aavlng time by shortening
the spelling of certain wold. The Idea
I not new, nnd many newspaper have
long Is-en accustomed to shorten audi
word a "programme" Into "program"
ami "prologue" Into "prolog." Iteuelit
l.v Superintendent Andrew ha recoiu
mended lO teaclu-r In the public
BChooll of Chicago the following lint of
words for amended lllng: Program
(programme), tho (though), thoro (thor
ough!, thorofuro itlioroughfHrel. thru
(through), threout (tbrougbout)i rntu-
log (catalogue), prolog iprologuci, deou
log idccalogucl, dtmagOg idcmagogue),
podugog ipeilagoguul. i if course thla
list Is simply n starter In the pathway
nf reform. Just where the matter will
end It la dlfllcult to ay. John Hilling
mi a pioneer In thl line of endeavor,
and hi "fom-tlc" spelling, which mu-d
to cause great amusement, and which
was the foundation of hi fame a a
humorist, mny become the sclcntltlc
PWthod of the future. Hilling tiled in
prove that he could be funny without
"fnneilcs." and h role a lot of humor
ous puiiigraph for the old Serlbner'
Magnr.lnc. entitled "t'ncle INcck Wis
dome." but they failed to make a lilt,
and Hillings' experiment was a failure.
No doubt the present spelling of many
afordl la cuuils'i sonic, but reformer
will lad their task little abort of the
Impossible.
The changes of a century have made
the White House poorly adapted to the
requirements of a rreldeutlal man
lull. '('he iissocliitloiiH connected with
the historic edltbv Iiiim- OSUSCd heslta
HOD in making a decision to enlarge or
remodel It. It stand a the cuilmdt
incut of altnpllclty that charncterlaed
the spirit and conduct of the govern
Ilieut of our great republic III ll- car
llest day The l'rosldelit and III fain
lly practically live In what might ho
called a tint. The White House la a
two story building, and for atrlctly
family purposes only alsmt two third
of the second story can be uaeil. Near
ly nil of the tlrst loot I devoted lo half
pablk service Its eastern third form
the famous Kast Room, which Is open
dally lo the public. The Ids) Itooiu,
the lllue ItiMiin and the tlroen Boom
It, in I mi I ly htitllg t the President
family, but are lu reality of little uae
to I htm. On the wall of these parlor
hang fatuous painting, some of which
have baau presented by popular organ!
nit ons, like the painting of Mis Haves,
given by the Woman' Christian Tom
pontara rnion. The people, tu visiting
the White House. auine (At right to
Bee theae palntltiga, and the privilege,
under certain real rlct Ion, la usually
graulist. In the lllue Itooiu the I'rcsl
dent recelv,- foreign tultllatera and
other distinguished visitor of state
Thla destroy the privacy of the p u
lora for family uae. There la really
but one private room on thla door the
family dining nsun, to which atrauger
are rarely admlttisl. One thlnl of the
Bec-ond tlnor 1 uaod for ottlce. There
la the Cabinet Hooui, the War Room,
with ita corp of Islagraphsm, offln-a
for the President, ii i- rotary, and
the half down clerka who attend the
correspondence. The reinnlnliig two
thlrda of the tloor an- the iiiartinenta of
the rrealdent and his family. They are
relatively amull and Inconvenient. The
kitchen, laundry and other workrooms
ure lu the eapaelnua baeuieut.
It la somewhat surprising that In thla
ago of Improvement nolsnly ha tnado
un attempt to reform the American
Joker the man who doe scrap for the
poak weeklies and for (he funny de
partment of the dnlllea, and who, for
the time, I the chief exilie!lt of the
humor of the nut ion, say a writer In
the Saturday Evening Post Thai thla
Joker la exceedingly effective a a
inlrth-provoker one Iiiih but to watch
the merry reader to underNtandj but,
alter all, I linn- lint mora to a Joke
IBM u mere laugh? In nut Ho- effect
of a Joke upon tha serious tendeiiclca
of the public a matter for thoughtful
WlUlllaHllnnl Should not the Joker Im
governed by a sense of moral responsi
bility' Tin- subject of tin- American
humorist are few and an- mostly kept
in stock. It la aourcoly neceasary lo
DPI tlOfl them seriatim, a they hav
already botfl niciitliincd a large Bttffl
ts-r of thoUHimdH of tluicN. With tin
tramp Joke one cannot (iiarrel aerloua
ly, although perhaps It la not cnlculated
to dlscoiirnge vagrancy or to fortify the
general aense of tliiiinclal reapoiielblll
ty. The inother ln law Joke I Hhowltig
sign of deoropl t udc, after a vitality of
fifteen or twenty year, and may be dis
missed with the grateful rellectloti that
It hua never been worse than tin e v h I
bitiou of azacrabla huto, Tha Joko of
the delayed lover nnd tin- toe of the
father'a boot I no doubt useful In Ita
apbern of Influence, and may be per
milted without cavil to (Might, for
generation lo Ooma, Ihose whom It I
capable of delighting. Then- are, how
ever, at least two of the slock subject
of the American humorist which ahould
have been confiscated long ago, name
ly: llttor Intoxication ami the Insecu
rity of the marriage tie. Iw funny
publications are considered complete
which do not picture a man reeling
Inline from the "club" with a maudlin
excuse to bis waiting wife, or n Wedded
pair OOmmontlng flippantly iiimiii the
passing of line or the felicity iiud fa
cility of divorce. The youngster who
I Inclined to bUUM himself severely
for Ida llrat step In dissipation tutus
to the humorist, and Is Informed that
what he lias done I not a sin, but a
Joke; w hy should he worry over aoine
thing about which the world Is laugh
lug? The young couple having their
Hrt tlffa nre grievously worried until
they chance upon the sarcastic phlloso
phy of the funny man; then they laugh
bitterly at each other, ami ask why SO
absurd a thing as love should Im- taken
aerlnnaly. Their effort at elf control
and self abnegation diminish; It I use
less, they conclude, for them to sting
gle to maintain an Ideal relationship
Jn a society w hich lluds opsirtunlty for
uilrlh In proc ling for divorce, lu
such 10 bj aCtl as these (here can be no
real humor, and the man who trh s to
Joke about tin-in I guilty of a moral
IMS mnjeste which ahould not go un
punished.
RUSKIN IN HIS OLD AGE.
THE TWO OLD WOMEN.
I V' 1 1 ii ' ii u Yearsuiol i'nwrrs of t he rr
Who Wrote "Mo.lrrn P ililtloas."
A corraapondanl who baan tlj rli
lied BrnntWOOd says that Mr. Kiisklt,
now la able to lake but little ten, a
(Ion. Most of hi time la su-nl In lile
Ntudy, from which there Is a tine view
of Collision Lake, nnd the gnal falls
at the Southern end of It, falls which
were painted bj Turner, ami which tig
nre so prominently : the deacrtptlona
In (he "Idyl of the King." Tor some
year past visitors have been forbidden
an audience except III very rare cases.
Krantwood. a the many know, I unite
a temple of art. Turner have been
crowded Into the place to the overshad
owing of nil other artists, even men
like old Croma and William Hunt. Mr,
Uuskln'a tiny l-d room I hung all
round with Specimens of the great mas
ter. There are two studios at Breeb
WOOdi and at the time of the corre
spoudent'a visit there stood on tha
easel of one of them Mr. Itu-kln' last
atudy, au enlarged pstCOCh'l feather.
im being nahared into tha piofaaaui'i
Iireeiu-e the visitor was rcelved v-ry
kindly. There was an liuulrlng look In
the deep set gray ejes, with their evl-
; deticea of faded tire. Warning had
Ix-en given that a long conversation
, could not I'c allowed, but the talk drift
ed round to a subject lu which Mr.
ltnnk III had bash Interested nearly for
ty year ago. He remembered a cer
tain picture and contrasted It with a,
modern work by the s.uue artist. Ilia
! memory bad not failed him nor hi Hit
I teal acumen. The portrait Is from the
latest photograph, taken by Mr. Mc
PtoBand. Uacerd, ami ha not pre,
vlously hah published. It wa (aketi
In Mr. KuKklu'N study at lltant vvp.hI.
and allow him with all hi recent
wealth of hair and silvery Is ard.
Tutinet (y Aula.
The aii(a of South America have lieotj
known (o conatntct a tunnel tbrvs)
mill's In length.
Thoa of you who are Usiklug foi
aomethlng Ml might try going t
church.
All tlilnga come to hi in who walta
bad luck lucliidisl.
Two gathering rrope. antique and gray,
Together talked at clow of day.
One said, with brow of wrinkled rare.
"LUga cup at brat waa aweet and fair;
"On our young Hp, with laughter gay,
It cr cu in of briuiuiiug uvctar lay;
"lint vapid then it grew, and atale
Aud tlrrsoiue aa a twice told tale;
"And here In weary age and pain ,
Ita hitter dreg alou remain."
Tin- other, with contented eyr,
Ild down her work aud made reply:
"Ye, I'fe w bright a morning tide,
Yet, when the foam and aparkie died.
"Mure rich, met hough t, and purer, too,
It well concocted eener grew;
"E'en now, tho low it plrit draloa,
A i l Utile In the cup remalna,
"There' sugar at the bottom atill
And we may take It If we will."
- New York Ledger.
eeeeoeeeeeeeeeoea I
o
S Tom's Revolver.
JOHN III SHIM.
Tbcork-a are Impracticable plana fur
doing things that are ImpossiWe.
If delaya arv daugeroua lawyers aiu
bo a brave WL
AHAtDl parlor of (he furm-bouse
among the Maine inountalna hail
enough tOUebea of QUlOt ginal
taste about It lo make ua wonder at
alght of a COmmoa four-ounce gliiNN
bottle which occupied a coliNplciloua
plan- on the corner w hat not, further
honored by a worsted mat under It ami
a small Isiuitiel of dried gruaaea atuck
into ii month.
"Yon, thStfl mother'a whim ahe will
bars It there." aald the eldeat daitgb
ter, who waa a teacher, now home for
the long summer vacation, during
which time two or three of ua city
."SSldentS were fortunate enough to
ond accommodation u boardero,
"She cull It Tom' revolver." re
marked another mombol of the family;
whereupon I aet It down with a auddeu
Ues which made Tom laugh.
"ih. then- isn't anything niout it
novvl" be aald. "I've told mother lota
of times I'd NM-nil every cent I've got,
and buy her (he handsomest vow down
to PtneTlUa if abe'd tot me smaah that
old bottle against tbv atone wall, but
ahe won't."
"Tell ma what (here I, is baafl alaiut
It." I urged. "There'a a atory, lau't
tberi-1"
Tom was a big boy - Juat aa the
"gawky age," hi alater had contldeii
(tall) Inforuusl im but wun neither un
couth nor III lnannareil. So, w ithout
more than a reasonable amount of
coaxing and encouraging from other,
and tho BMdaht disclaimer proper
from a Isiy who tlgurcN un hla own hero
lu lila own story, Tom begati:
"ll ma lu early prlng. and the doc
tor had been here uml left prearrlpt Ion
for something father had got to ha to
Just aa quick ii we could get 'em. Ami
he thought the doctor that If we got
them over lo Pluevllle It would Im- ls-t-ter,
for they didn't have very fresh
drugs down here at tin- Corners.
"So I made up my mind I'd go over
the hills 11 saves nearly half the way,
only four tulles going nnd four back.
I'd have to walk, but 1 didn't mind
that, for I knew It would be about iin
bard to go round on hois, hack, for
thcn'il bean a thaw, and the lower
road were no slump) folks could bard
ly get through at all.
"1 hadn't got more (linn half way
over when I met Sipiire Ptammer,
bunting all round, ami says he to me:
" Tom. I've loal Old lllacky, aure'a
you live!'
"And aiiya I:
" 'I want to know, sipilreP
"And say he:
"'Yea, Indeed. Tom. She' been gone
three days she's tin- heat cow I had
blooded slock coat me n lght of uion
ry. and I'm offering three dollars to
gUJ one 'II lllid her.'
"I told li mi I couldn't go out of my
Way on account of father, but I'd keep
a sharp lookout wherever I'd go: and
you'd belter believe I did, for I'd a'
been glad enough to get that much
money for so little work. Hut 1 got Into
town without seeing an) thing of her.
1 sat down by the drug man's counter
to i,st a bit while be was putting up
the stuff, thinking how I'd change my
route going back, and perhnpa I'd
Strike her yet.
"The man brought two Isitlle. nnd
aet one down while he wa wrapping
up the other. 1 took It hp and took out
the cork.
" 'Take care, there,' he aya; 'don't
you smell that!'
" 'Why not?' any I.
" You'd be sorry If you did,' any he.
'Il would knock you down QUlcbsr'U if
you wa abot.'
"He went on to tell me It was a most
awful strong kind of ammonia that
was used for drawing blister. Would
do II In lea time than you'd take to
tell about il moat.
"Then I asked him If It wa any kin
to smelling salts, and told him how I'd
got hold of mother's smelling sails In
church, unbeknown to her, long ago.
When I was a little shaver, and had
taken the biggest kind of a sniff, be
cause ll wa the tlrst chance I'd ever
hud at It. and I thought It something
good they'd been keeping from me.
And how I'd kicked ami acrccchcd, aud
bow mother 'd bad to haul me out of
church and Use up no end of lemon
drops uud ginger cook Ice to bring un
to. "So the drug man laughed, and any
the stuff In the bottle wu aomethlng
of tin- MUM ort, only they weren't to
be mentioned lu the same day for
strotignea or, If you made nuy com
parlsoti at ull. It would la- to compare
the smelling aalts to the smallest mite
of a baby, and that ammonia to Ita big
tiollath of a great great grandfather.
"I didn't auiell It, but started for
home vvltli old Hlucky and father ou
my mtad Old Blacky, to ace If I
couldn't Hud her aud get that three dol
lar, and father. N-cauae I wauled to
get buck as qui, k a I could.
"It aevmcsl rougher going hack over
the hill than It had coming I aupHe
because I wa a little tired. Some
time the way waa through pasture
lot, but mostly It wa over fallow
ground, bushy ai I atuuipy, and plenty
Of rocka. but i.et many trees. There
wasn't any roadway.
"I badu't got near to the summit
wbeu I saw something that made me
atop abort something dark bt-blud
rocke and buihee. down In a kind of
little hollow. There were no leavea on
the buahea, you know; o I could aeo
aomethlng through them that looked
like black balr.
"I went a little nean r and looked a
little harder, and then I off with my
ana ami nrnag it around, and sang out:
'Hurrah for thai three dollars of
jroura. 8Ulrc Plnmmer!' Theti I culled:
Co' Uiaa, co' boaa, io' bo! Come.
Blacky, come!'
"But the old thing wouldn't atlr. 1
picked up aotnc Utile st and hbd
Vm at her lo hurry hef up. I didn't
want to loae time, but I did want to
drive her home with me for fear
one else might get alu ad "f tin- If I Itfl
her there nnd then ennic ba k. I 'ailed
to her and kept on throwing, but tlll
she wouldn't budge an Inch.
"Thou I thought I'd slide down the
aide of the hollow ahe w is In. and get
ahead of her and drive her out. I
tttod rolling down a lot of atom- and
gravel flrat, nlmoat over hef head, to
aw If that wouldn't statt ben but It
didn't. Ko I began alldlng myaelf
down.
But jiit then I heard irowl ucb
a growl a no mortal cow ever made
yet. I know. And there began inch a
acmtchltig of gravel ami such n scrab
bling up that bank, mixed up with
growla ull the (line, that I scrabbled
myaelf up pretty lively, nnd "lurted to
run, I tell you.
"When I'd got s little pbee off 1
looked buck, nnd Just getting to the top
of the bunk was Old lllacky; but l(
wnan't a bluek cow. It WSS s black
la-nr, aure'a fOU live!"
Tom paused n moment to enjoy the
little ripple of astonishment and dla
muy which c e In Just here.
"You'd better believe I run. But it
won hard work up hill, and rough, too.
I tumbled over logs and I Jumped
through bushes, and he trotting after
me nil the time, mad, I suppose, with
the atlrrlng up I'd given him, growling
like a young thunderstorm all the
while.
"Soon I began lo feel how- llred my
walk had made inc. nnd (o wonder how
It would be with me If I got clenr tired
out In-fore the betir did, ua BSOUied very
likely.
"When I knew I couldn't hold out
much longer I made fur a tree, and
cIIiiiImi! up It iiulckcr than I ever
climbed n tree Is'fore or since.
"Then I tried tu catch my breath and
think ll bit. I was glad to be out of
reach of the bear, but I wondered bow
long In- might keep me up that trsj lie
fore nny one came to look for me, and
I thought of father wanting the medi
cine, ami. if you'll belters me, I
thought, too, about that blamed old
cow and the thr lollara I wasn't go
lug to get for Sliding her.
"Hut It doesn't take long to think
you know, for 1 thought ull that befort
the Deaf got to the foot of the tree, nnd
It wna a mighty short while, too; and
when he did get there be walked
"ttr Vokkd tits n,t v vti g i p B(
TWKK.il tiik LOWBB OBAXCaTBI "
around it, and smelted a little, uud the
first thing I knew he was , Lining away
tit the bark, and climbing up after me.
"Then I ltegaii to think harder than
ever. I'd read of a boy who was up u
tree, with a bear lifter li 1 in. and lie
cllmlH-d out on some weak limbs,
where the bear hud sense enough lo
know he couldn't go. uud he kept the
poor little chnp there, growling ill
Dim, (III Nome one came uud shot the
hour. Hut thl wasn't that kind of n
tree. The limb were siuhby, and 1
knew the bear could go almost as far
us I could.
"I looked down to see what chance
I'd have If I swung myself down, nnd
got a new start of him; but the tree
was n tall one, and If was all stony
under the branch where I wu. if l
should get n sprain or a hurt. It would
be ull up with inc. So my only chance
was lo keep out of his way the best I
could. 1 put tny hand Into my pocket,
to get out my knife, for I wasn't going
to let him get the better of me without
a tussle.
"Then what do you guess I felt? And
what do you guess I thought? Why. 1
felt (hut Isittle of nmmonla, and I
thought of that time In church. And.
cracky! If I could help laughing right
out. us I thought If I could only get It
ou that bear as I'd got It on myself
long ago. If all that man said wa true,
perhaps k would semi bim kiting down
as good as if he'd been shot.
"1 poured u lot of It on tny handker
chief, 'most ull there wns, looking out
to keep a little buck for father, till
more could Is- sent for. I tried to kivp
from gelling the smell of It myself, but
the wind whiffed some of It Into tny
face, and do the licet I could It strati
gled me o 1 came mlgbty ucar drop
ping.
"I held the handkerchief tight In tny
band, and reached It down Jut u the
Is ar imkevl his ugly muiale up between
the lower bruuehea. He gave a big
sniff a he saw- It willing, thinking. I
MppOOS, he'd got me sure; and the next
Instant 1 was rubbing It like fury
against bis ti. se and Into his eyes.
"Be gave a most awful snort, and let
go, and went crashing down on the
atone aud buahea. 1 thought for a
moment be wa dead, but be wasn't,
lie scrabbled himself up. and went
euarllug and tumbling over aud over,
downhill like all poaaoaaed.
"1 dldu't wait to see how far he went,
though, for I l-.opp.-d out of that tree,
aud put out of that neighborhood al
moet aa Itvrly aa the bear had. After
a while I took It easier, for I v i
e wouldn't be likely to tack after
A ,,t,...., h in That'a all.
me nose i u i.." -- ,
"Wuau't It a good revolver now T
aaked Tom mother, regarding the
bottle With affectionate luten st.
And you didn't Uud the uf"'r
all?" I usked. nfter expressions of ap
proval of bit cooluesa bud U-eU ex-
baURted.
"No; but"-Tom'a eye twinkled I
told Sum I'lummer. 8ulre Plummet I
on. what I'd aocti. nnd where I d n
It. and be went after It with hi gun.
and finished what the ammonia bad
left; uml Sum said It wn no more (bun
fair 1 should luive a share of It. o he
gave me Hie skin, aud I sold It for
twelve dollar. So It paid better than
If it had las-n Old Blncky, you see."
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
LOW PRICES.
Thmtrlcal Miin.mrr Have Mill Some
I, round fir I oiiuriitiilutlon.
The present tendency In ull brauchea
of trade Is toward lower prlcea. Per
haps no business ha felt thla more
than the theatrical, lu which the drop
have been so remarkable u to excite
general comment. Yet the fact remains
ii,.. i I, nicer oiitertulnmenlN by. some
HUT, better H-rforiners, wereut one lime
iflvi.il for u lower price than tliui now
charged for iuIuiInnIoU to a gallery.
London led the world ror tow pine.
At the tamOUS OlobS Theater, built ou
Bankslde for Richard Hurbiige, uud for
which Jutne L granted u license to
Ihnkspoars uud others, the charge for
(he lH-a( Ihixi-n wiin gt one time only 10
CCntS, of the lower places i cents,
w hile In some place only '1 cent wu
charged. The twopenny gallery wu
frequently referred to by the drama
lists of the BUsabsthat! era. Bar many
yenra the general price of tbS Imxca
waa i!." cents, and It wa not unni iweo
thai u... I,.ir of XI .'ill IxiXeS. At that
ImtIihI the pit and gullerle were lo
colli. It gppsan to huvc been the cus
tom on the first night of n new play to
rulae the prices, nnd flic SUM practice
waa adopted ou the iiufhor' night, or
ou the representation of expetisve
plays, Tin- hours of performance were
then hgtwSSh 1 nnd B O'clock lu the af
ternoon, commencing at the former
and terminating nt tha later hour. Aa
yeara rolled on the hour for the raising
of the curtnln became later; nnd when,
nt last, the evening became recognised
na the proper time for theatrical
amusement prlcea begnn to be In
creased until. In London, Purl nnd
New York, o la not nn ungual charge.
TOO MUCH FOR THE CUBS.
A Hlg Stork Whip Three Young UOUS
In Succession.
The stork Is usually associated with
everything t lint Is Innocent, and he has
bean regarded a rather cowardly, but
II bus devolved upon one of the birds
lo prove the falsity of this Impression.
The stork in question signally whipped
live young lions, aud thus upheld the
honor of nil storkdom. Huron Stelti, of
Popptoedorf, near Bonn, Germany, la
an animal fancier, ntid bus u small
menagerie, the stars of which are live
.voiing lion cubs. The Baron wished to
Nprlng a novelty on his friends, and to
tids cud secured ii big stork named
frits, thut for year has made li s home
on the highest tower of (lie castle,
which was captured and put lu the
Hulls' cage, The animals were allowed
to enter the cage one nt a time. The
first to enter the place was Ktlinpa. The
cub looked al the curious thing In the
Corner and wondered nt the strange
noise made by it. Sin- tiled to buck
out. nnd, Huding she couldn't, roared
delimit l.v. The animal tried then to
creep upon the bird, but received a peck
on the nose that made lu-r turn a hand
spring. She was cowed, and the stork
grew chesty. Zatnpa's It year old broth
er was Introduced, end he made a baa
Hue for the angry stork, which threw
seven Inches of hill into Ids nose. The
lion looked lad and left the cage buck
uiii-,1 'I'll,, ill tier lit-.... 1 1. 1 ii si r.,,.,,1 V...1 '
the same punishment, and there was
not one grain of tight left lu the lot.
The animals were put back Into tin-
cage the next day. and they let the con
QUO ring fritz alone. It Is now n happy
family, nnd the old stork Is the Sharkey
of the bunch.
ffkeeennt Incident Occurring"
World Over Buying that Ara Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Selec
tion Ihut J-.verirl.odjr Will fcnjoy.
One of Them.
"My daughter," suhl IhS father, "has
nlwuv been BCCttStOmCd to all the lux
uries' of wealth." "Vcs." replied the
Count, brlslllng up, "st ees whut I
am."-Philadelphia Norlli American.
She Khoiild Huve Known.
Mrs. Bellelleld I was so surprised
last night to see several shooting slur.
Mr. Bellelleld Dldn'l you kuow the
sky as loa'.ed?-Plttaburg Chronicle
Telegraph. He I Learning Now.
Agent The Hallows haven't asked
for a cent's worth of repairs this
spring. What do you thlnh of that?
Landlord I'm not surprised. Barlow
got a house through a trade a few
v.. . gi ago and la so busy tilllug the
wants of a tenant of his own thai be
bus forgotten nil about bothering ua.
Iirclded on That Point.
Algle What Is the tlrst thing (hat
jiui would do If you bud Ji.tsjo.uouf
lleslgn.
Tom
l lred lu Z-l.
"Now that you bare passed your ex
amination, Mr. Sawbones, you could
sign a death certlflcatef
"o, certainly, with pleasure V Judy,
Welcome Oelox.
"(ill. yes," the womanly woman wns
saying. "I've known my husband to
dress without swearing at his collar
button. Yes. It was once when he
was dressing lo go down and see why
(lie burglar- alarm was ringing." De
troit Journal.
Poaaethtng Wrong Somewhere.
"Here's a ipteer case."
"What's thnt'f"
"This paper has a long article nlaitit n
new hero, and I've been unable to tlml
anywhere In It a single word about hi
having been the black sheep of the
family."
f cured Away.
Mrs. Motherly -Why is It, (leorge,
that you have never thought seriously
of getting married?
( o utgo--You misunderstood me, Mrs.
Motherly; I hare always thought of it
so seriously that I am still n bachelor.
Bofhervllle Journal.
Mroou Rvidsnes)
"So ymt think he Is strictly honest.
do you?"
"There isn't the least doubt aiMiut it.
Every time an election approaches he
Is bilked of as the only man Who could
unite tin- different factions of his puny,
and then somebody else Is dominated."
Snake Charmer.
it is generally supposed that the ser
pents exhibited by snake churinetJ
hare 1hs-u deprived of their fangs, ami
this Is doubtless often the case, whiU
one Instance at least la recorded In
which the mouth of the snake had been
sewn together to prevent It from biting.
The writer noticed at the t'eylou Exhi
bition, given some years ago lu Lou
don, that one of the snake channels,
finding the cobra he was exhibiting
becoming too lively and aggressive,
lehmd the reptile by the neck and thrust
It hastily into the small round basket
in which it was carried, nt the same
time pushing It with n voluminous
while cloth, at which It bit savagely.
Having almost closed the lid of the
basket the man drew away the cloth
Violently, thus doubtless dragging out
the fangs which were fastened In It.
He then secured the basket and carried
It away. This, of course, required n
large nuioliut of cool courage us well
us gival ipilckness of hand and eye. all
of which qaillttoS must In- doubly nec
essary lu capturing ami turning these
deadly reptiles. But If we are nston
Islusl at the skill and dexterity display
ed by Indian snake charmers, still more
must we marvel nt the hardihood of
the American Indians, who, lu their
inskS danC00i not only handle Iho dead
ly rattlesnake with Impunity, but abso
lately carry It about lu their mouths.
Westminster Review.
I.lfr'a 1. title Ironies.
"What's the matter, Wattles? You
look as If you were disgusted with
life."
"I am. I hud a birthday last week
and my w ife made me a prcsout."
"Ob. what was It?"
"A now brass bed for our spare
room."
"Well, I wouldn't let that worry me.
it may come in bandy"
"Yes. Hut the day the lied came
home she Invited her Aunt Henrietta,
Who Isn't worth a dollar, to come uud
spend the summer with us."
Concluaive I vMence.
A Physician' K tprrlrnce. y
a curious sapsrienca is rets ted hy
a physician of Mcudon. France. To
examine the throat of one of hi chil
dren, be held a Ugh bid candle before
Its open mouth and placed the handle
of a simou on the base of the tongue,
when there was a sudden Hash of blue
BUM from the throat, and the doctor's
mustache aud the child's lips were
were slightly burueil. It Is explalm-vl
that the sssin probably produced n
slight retching, which brought a little
laBsmmnhhl gas trom the stomach.
"Oretcluu, the UU-uteuant Is follow
ing me:"
"Hut why do yon think be Is follow
ing yon more than mo?"
"Why, don't you see he has hi eye
glass In the eye on my side?" Kile
genda Blaetter,
Nrws to Mont Americana.
Kew people are aware that the flrsi
Amerlcau captain geuerul of CuIki wa .
Andrew Jackson.
A rrnas--'nnitsr
Mr. Peck By jing, had a funny
dream last night. It g,s.uii tllHt
wns away off In South Africa, where
diamonds stare bjrht- all around me in
bea ps.
Mrs Peck- Did you seen, to see anv
ss s ,ii a, ta, ,, lu tUu ni.
ring you gave mo?
It dvH-su't matter how often sonic peo
ple change their uiluds they ucver suo
eved in getting a good one.
Women have few friendships; love u
more to tbelr liking.
In Canadi.
Klrst ex Bank Cashier Ho you be
lieve in a community of goods?
s WttO I would If 1 could be
the treasurer.- Hoston Courier.
f. . Oil, ill 1- A lie-, I I.
ft la .nl.- In.llii, .
.. , w-., - ......... ui i line, m,
Coifer, "when Iho ss pension ixi
will carry us luto Canada."
"What uiukes you think that?"
"Ob. we Will need th,. hjJ
other side of the border for ro( ( . JJ
Philadelphia North Americaa
How.
Parllumentnry candidate (expbdal
away bla defeut)-Yes, gentlemtgj
have been defeated; but ,vv '
been defeated? 1
Voice lu the crowd -You dldu't
enough vules.-TK-Blls.
1 n pirns-. i ii I Association..
Foolhanlr Man.
Mrs. SklniH'u-I think Mr. Smith
muat have liked the beefalcak pie. He
had two helpings of It
I The Tactic Hourderroslblr he
sbb n u wager.- Hoston Trsuecrlpt,
The bereaved widow His last lih
wa to be embalmed, but i beta to dan
much scandal. New ywk
nfter ao
World.
rlncerc (Irlef.
Funeral director Ito gedtleiiiau)-Am
you one of the mourners?
Ocutluuiou-Yes; be owed me fSUQ,
Agreea with llcnrr Onr.
Illggs-They say young Wright tuu
Just iuherlted fl.ooo.taai.
Baggs-In that case I'd rather be
Wright than be President. Ju.lg,..
Juat aa (land.
Yeast -Did you ever take any of thott
Blttd bulbs?
CrluiKoiibonk Well, I ran for offlct
ouce. Youkcrs Stutcsmuu.
An Argument for I annnal.n.
He-There are millions of peopion
tics country who don't play golf. TUu
proves thut wu need more territory.
She How?
He Because when tin y fjo play
we won't have enough rouui for links -Puck.
Motive Lacking.
Manager Your piny lack motive.
Playwright Motive, nmu? Why. I
haven't had a sitiare msul lu a ycar?
Detroit Journal.
Fucccaa at I.nst.
"I see Von Ihillb, the artist hau
new suit of clothes, n new silk hatul
il very prospeious look. He must kin.
sold some of those pictures that lie bat
lu the salon."
"No, he's I i hired by a clar cuts-
puny to decorate billboards."
The Lnat l.niiub.
"He laughs best who laughs last, yon
know."
"Not always. The fellow who ami
Joke only nfter all the rest have rot
through laughing at It is ofteu a u.j
tiresome person."
In it 1 1 t l.uck.
He Aad how many teeth bats yoo
left ?
Beggar -Only one, nnd ilia! litis noth
ing lo do for days ut a tinie.-ileggfa.
dorfer Blaetter.
Drr w tli Aire.
"I saw you bilking with my ?wt
from Huston," alio aald. "Don't y
think he has a wonderful fund of At;
humor?"
"Yes," he replied with some min
ings na to whether the fellow rrtll?
wns her cousin, ''lie has Indeed a fund
of dry humor. In fact, It's so dry tliat
It's dusty."
The Hrighl Side.
"There Is a young man who ul 'X
seems to be looking ou the bright ikh
of things."
"Indeed?"
"Yes, he polishes the cofTi-e binks In
the restaurant where I take my meani
and It appears to keep him busy about
all the time."
A n Inference.
"They sny the streets of CoMtUO'
nople are never cleaned.''
"What's the matter! Hasn't th
Sultan got any relations or poUthal
lieutenants who are lu the coDtrscthl
business?"
From Hod to Worse.
"Courtney Smith is writin,; Scew
dialect noveL"
"What does he know about dialect
"Why, he plays golf."
"Bounty Coats." ,
Washington's iirmy was nicknSaWl
by the British "The Homespuns. 1
wns a sneering but truthful n-"1"''
the American soldiers were cloth
garments woven aud nude by patriot
women. .
The supplies for the Coati"g.
army were lu the Mmmcr of
scanty that the Provincial CoV,
made a dsmsnii on the people ,: J
Kugluud for thirteen thousand war
coats, to be ready for (he soldiers J
cold weather. The daughters, wlvn
and mothers throughout the countrj
ouce started up wool wheels and haa
looms. Having woven the cloth, ta J
made up the garments ami
the Inside of each cont the name of wj
maker and of the town lu whlcD sm
ttved, c A
"Kvery soldier." writes Alice M. mm
In her "Homo Ufa In Colonial Day
"voluutecrltig for eight month-' scrv
was given one of these bomeF"
home-made, all-wool emits ns a ''u '
The list of name of soldiers who ta
enlisted Is known to this day .i
Coat Roll.' and the names -,f -
en who made the coats might forts
o her roll of honor."