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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 26, 1898)
Eugene CityCaard. I. i.. OAHriILL, Frsprlslor. EUGENE CITY OREGON The Ladrone Inland, Guam, proba bly wait nnuml by a goat. M..ii y talka; but In ail election bet It cannot wifely bo trusted to articulate distinctly. An exchange aaya: "We bear a faint tinkle which ound like wedding bolls." Quinine, probably. Tbe Hootch phy.lolan who allegi-s that bicycle riding In a cure for Insan ltv probably baa a wbesJ or two him self. A burglnr wbo pond U a gentlemnn bin Just Iteeii caught In New York. Ho rntnWftd to get an entree to aouie fluo houses tbero. If Franco continues to heap up accu mulation! of domestic trouble M,'e Will be it DtnrOM and ourcworn hostcs. by the time US) eoiuea. While boldllig olllce In the main thing, pcrhapM tin- Hlmklng of plum treea by public official, might lie coiialdered is a kind of bruni'h Industry. Hi uiplulut of the redskins la that big ginuo la dlHiipH-arlng. And with an end put to their sculping chances they cau't even go hunt the hulr. Ah the saying goea It may be all right to move heuveu uud eurth to bent a po litical opponent, but the earth In tbe ouso aliouldu't tuko the shape of Hung mud. A New York girl Imagined alio had been transformed Into a turtb'. Iiut, really, now, If she hud been trunsforin cd Into n turtle, her cuse would huvo been mud hurder. Simultaneous with the Dona having to get out of Cuba there came sugges tion of a new American railroad there. Tbus bolb nations were making trucks, but lu different ways. An old colored man wisely explained lbs reason for the overthrow of inuny good onuses by saying: "Don' you know dut you euin't nebber put lgu'rance ober Intellergauce, an' mok It stuy?" A novelist writes: "Adolnr was lie witched. Never had the couutess seem ed to him so beautiful as at this mo ment, when, lu her dumb grief, she hid Jut fin e." Hhe must huvo been a very beautiful woman. "All you huvo to do to win a woman," say Itlgumlst Decking, "Is to tell her she Is beautiful, then tell her you love her, iind she'll give you her hand right away." There lire exceptions to every rule, us many young men lu all classes of life euti testify. An exebunge says: "A Ht. Joseph girt wlm had no fallh lu banks or bureau drawers, placed $140 and her Jewelry In and 'f her stockings, put the stock ing mi ami went to bed. In (he morn ing she fiiiiiul her stocking and the con tents gone." What! Ixist a leg? A cry was raised: "Nland back! A liuly has fainted!" And men and worn en alike crowded to see the spectacle anil to shut off the reviving air. This only gocH to prove that It Is not beat to create a panic by mlslng a cry. No end of mischief Is done all over the land, and has been done all through tbe ages, by people wbo lire olllclously noisy. A Vienna paper, lu an article believed to be olllclully Inspired, congratulates tbe Sultan of Turkey upon Mng n lleved of tbe Island of (Jrete. In order that there should be no appearance of partiality It should congratulate the yueeii Itegent of Spain upon her re lease from responsibility for (hp gov ernment of the Spanish imssossIous lu the West Indies mid the 1'hlllpplueB. The supreme trouble which has visit ed Hie Kmperor of Austria Hungary as the result of an assassin's ait may stay for a time the fierceness of race hatred which distracts his composite cmpliv: but Slav, German and the rest will ill most certainly renew the at niggle. Tbe controversy so fur us It concerns bin gmige Is strikingly Illustrated by the fact that the Jubilee mednls Instituted by (he Kmperor, as for service In the nruiy. navy or gendarmerie, have en graved l.atln liiserlplloua. All other medals which have boon Issued during the present relgu have boruo (iernuin Inscriptions. The Latin tongue Is thus the language of compromise when occa sion rciulrca. Dr. J. II. Learned offers a new cure for Insomnia a cure which he bus trh-d on himself with success. After many vain resorts (o nostrums and tricks, ho Invented u series of movements which, being carried on In bod and aoompan lod by slow, deep breathing, Induce muscular fatigue, redistribute nervous force, and thus dispose the whole body to repose. Might It uot bo Just as well to take some orderly exercise before OlB to bed. iind In tbe open air? More fortunate still are they who can distrib ute this exercise over (heir working hours. Centuries ago It was observed that "the sleep of a laboring man Is sweet." Altogether It Is more the timber noes tlon tl. in the li.pior question whleti la in blame for the outbreak, though doubtless whisky played Its part there as well us elsewhere. TWO ISLANDS. A sick soldier who was ordered to a sanitarium on a mountain summit, found on arriving there that but one room In tbe house was unoccupied, and that so ahut In that no one would take It. A young schoolmistress had the best room In tbe house, having engaged It long beforo bcciuso of the grand view from the windows. When she heard of the poor fellow lying In lx-d all day with only a dense wood for n prospect, she had the clerk exchange the occupants of the two rooms, bar gaining that her little plan be kept u secret If your walls are so narrow You cannot see far, Knock a hole In tbe ceiling And look at a star. The little schoolmistress did better. She knocked the hole lu a brother's cell ing, and ojtcnod up to him a whole con Minion of happiness. One of (he vexed questions which brought about the recent Indian out break was the encroachments of the white men ou their timber. The offi cial reports of the superintendent of logging for that district show that much ot the dissatisfaction comes from the sule of timber by the half -breeds, mixed bloods and siinaw men. Tbe following llgures are given: Number of feet sold by tho quarter-bloods, lb, W7.H20 feet; number of feet sold by half breeds, "."tn,270; number of feet aold by the "sipiaw men," l.illl.lHMI; niimlie' of feet sold by the full-blooded Indians. MbtMB, Naturally the mixed bloods are bottOf able to do business from their know ledge of tho English language, and they make contracts for the sale of tlmlier which the full-blooded Indians do not understand and hence resent. Often the mixed bloods obtain the conseiit of the India in by fraud and then sell out his claims tbus obtained. Tho remarkable womun who la now tbe reul ruler of China by the ulxlleii tlon or assassination of the emperor has played nn Important part lu China lu recent years. Hhe was the secondary wife of the Kmperor Hlen Feng, who tlwl from I'ekln In im; when Unit city was occupied by the French and En glish. As the mother of Tung Chi, who succi-cdcd Hlen Feng, she was raised to tho rank of empress, and has ever since made (he Chliienc miirt a scene of Intrigue for power and place. The principal wife mid the secondary were Jointly appoint, si regents lu tho place of Tung ('hi, who whs but n lioy, and the, two ruled China for twelve years, when tho ly eniMror ascended tho throne. He reigned but two years, dlng lu 18715. His widow Boon follow ed him, whether by the decree of heav en or Uie will of the ex -regents has al ways boon a mooted point. When Killing Bu, tbe recent ruler, was de clared emperor at the ago of I yens, the two empresses again became lo gouts, tho Joint rule lasting six yours, When tbe elder empress dhsl, leaving tho present dowuger empress In sole possession of power. Killing Su ns oi'iiihsl the throne In lss'.i, but owing either to luck of ability or to the de signed course of education to which he had I n subjected, ho remained I boy In Intellect, and It Is not surprising that the abltlous dowager empress bin once more come Into power with I.I Hung Chung as her favorite minister. Even China knows that a now cen tury Is dawning. Tho poot Tennyson wrote uot mnny years ago that he would prefer ton short years of Europe to "a cycle of Cnthay," meaning that changes were so slow In tho Chinese empire that ten years here mount more than a thousand In tho flowery king dom. Hut toilay there Is no place In the world where history will show mole sudden mid kaleidoscopic changes than that same empire of China. Since the Japanese war shook the very founda tions of their capital, the Chinese huve wakened from the sloop of ugesi mid are showing signs of marvelous activity. Revolution mid re revolution follow each other so rapidly that oven the wur correspondents of the dally papers have liurd work to keep track of them. Con cessions to England for the building of railways, mining of coal, gold, copper and oil are granted and revoked. Itus slu nnd France come In for their share of tho division of tho empire (ou paper) anil Its subsequent rv.ll vision, LI Hung Chang, great statesman uud diplomatist that he Is, has been deprived of the "yellow Jacket," which Is (he robe of his olllce us prime minister, mid had It returned to him so frequently that the poor old gentleman must have had dllll cully lu koopfug decently cloUied dur ing the operations. The Emperor bus been murdered and resuscitated (lu (he dally papers) a dozen (lines at least lu tho past three months. In fact, le tweeu (ho diplomatists, and the news papers old China is having the liveliest times 111 all lis mighty career. One fact secies licyoud dispute, mid that Is that an American missionary has been up pointed pro-:. lent of the National I'm vcrslty of China with unlimited means and lull authority to make all noCQIHrj arrangements to give the young men of China a modern up-to-date education. Including foot bull. This will do more to make China a nation among (he n.v (Ions than anything else she could do. Wo hope Dr. Martin will not Ir de prived of his olllce nor his head till he has established (his great Institution. His position Is one of enormous Influ ence, and should lie of the greatest value lu (Ottering friendly relations with the Culled Slates and giving us the eoinnieroc to which our geograph ical position ctillilcM us, and which we will undoubtedly obtain. Amerlcun Hotels In Cuba. As Havana will undoubtedly attract a large number of winter gnosis, busi ness HMO of New York contemplate es tablishing a mammoth hotel (here. Kurly lu the progress of hostilities many capitalists realized that Cuba, and especially Havana, was a frullful Held lu which to Invest, and one of the most patent avenues appeared to he A provision for visitors to tho land of which so much has been recently writ ten and said. The advantages of Ha vana as n place for people of fashion to winter was early exploited, but lu most cases the schemes were hold In abeyance pending (he cessation of war-fan-. Now that 'he war Is over, there Is no reason why such schemes should UOt DO perfected. 1 Two Islands lay wltbla a lake at Mounter, An. I scarce three leagues of water fin wed between; On one Death came and went, hut on tbe other The shadow of bla presence ne'er was seen. Qlad were the dwellers on one happy Island. For youth was there, high hopes, and lightsome hearta; They built fair dwellings where they sang and fl'SKll'll, Tbey bought and sold within their busy mar (a. The years went ewlftly by, almoat un counted. Till marks of age wero aeon on many a fare, Till forms grew bent, and eyes grew dim and wistful, Till life aecuied weariness, and death a grace. Disease grew rife, and pain waa close com-nanlon. Hardens pressed heavily, Joys ceased te Oaln lost Its charm, no more they cared for feasting. And men grew tired with Immortality. And longingly they looked toward tho Isl and Where sorrows conned, and pain and all unrest, Where cares could I laid down, at once, forever, And deemed that Island most supreme ly blest. And lovtrs who In youth exulted, knowing That In their future could no partings lie, At last arew weary, and with solemn pity Grieved for each other (hat they could uot die. And, though they apakc no word, with fiiriive glances They looked across the water'a shimmer ing plain, Unto those quiet fields ot grass-grown hillocks. And craved their uttor, blissful rest to gain. And, so the legend says full many a shallop ntppsj from Its moorings by Life's fair green Isle, And bore these heartsick ones to Death's own Island, To gain the boon deuled auch wearv while. -Utlca (Jlobe. THE NEW TEACHER. livery body Warned. An Arizona rancher has posted tho following notice on a Cottonwood tree MM his place: "My wife Sarrah lias loft my ranch w hen I didn't Doo a ' Thing Too her and 1 want It dlstlnkly 1 understood that any Man as takes her In and Koers for her on my account 1 w ill get himself I'lltnpod so Full of Led that some (endcrfoot will locate bin for a mineral claim. A word (o (be wise Is -uill. -lent and orter work on ' fools."- Denver Times. The Krlihtful Sahara. No fewer than 12,000,000 acres of laud have lieen made fruitful In the Sahara desert, an enterprise representing per baps tbe most remarkable example of irrigation by means of artesian wells ' which can anywhere bo found. SCHOOL District No. 10, over In McCouib County, had tho reputa tion of being a very rough plnce for a young teacher, and uo place at all for an old one. It la a curious fad that any kind of a teacher can get along in bouio dis tricts. The pis, pie are so kind: the chil dren so apt uud gentle; the schoolhouso ho cosy and well furnished, mid tho sal ary paid ao promptly and graciously, that teachers are never changed unless they murry or go luto somo other busl ness. I regret to say that model school dis tricts lire by uo means In the majority; they are not nearly so plentiful aa good touchers, for often all the success of a school depends largely on tho hearty co-operation of the parents. School 111, over lu McComb County, was constantly changing Its touchers. Kvery new toucher wus perfection the first month; simply human (he soo ond, and if he or she remained (hrotigh the third month the children wore In re bellion at tbe lnatlgntlon of their par ents, nnd the bruins of the gossips wore busy concocting slanders which their tongues did uot hesitate to utter. Holier! Colo had Just graduated with honor from a well know n college, and by way of recruiting his health, replen ishing his pocket Istok nud getting started III bis legal studies ho deter mined, In tho nbsettco of anything bet tor, to teach school for a year. Tho superintendent of schools for McComb County wns Hobort Cole's friend, and to hlui the young man ap piled. "There Is only one district In this county that bus not a teacher engaged to open s. li. s. I at the cud of the present holidays; It pays tho largest salary In tho county, nud the money Is sure, for the district Is rich; but then " "But what, Mr. Moore V" asked Itoh ert Cole, seeing that the superintendent hesitated. "It Is a hard district." "How sot" "Well, they slander the female teach ers, particularly If they are predy; and the big boys have a fushlou of thrash ing the mule teachers," "I should rather like to try a school like thai," said (he young man, with a laugh. "Oh! I am sure, Mr. Oole, you could manage the boys, but the parents and older brothers Interfere. Why, last year l young man taught In No. 10; he was a powerful follow and a fine teacher, and he maintained order. Of course, he did some dogging, particularly with the Dooka, but a lot of the mou folk lay for him one night, and after beatlug him tbey threw him Into the pond, and If be hadn't been an expert swimmer he'd have drowuod. As It wns ho escaped, and the very next day he reslgued." said Mr. Moore. "Who are tho Dookif' "It Is a large family; tbey are related In some way to nearly every one In the district, aud I believe-yes, I am sure two of them are trustees at this time." "Are there no good people lu tho dis trict ?" laked Robert Cole, finding a bit discouraged, yet anxloui to undertake the school for Its very difficulties. "Oh, my! yea; Indeed, a majority of the people moan to do right aud would change mutters if they could; but they arc a quiet, law abiding folk, who need a leader aud dread to act for (hem -eh os. If you -ay so, I can get you the lohool," said Mr. Moore. "I shall be thankful If you do. I have a theory or my own about managing hard bofSj and I should like to try It," Bald hbirl Oole. The superintendent said "Very well." and within a week Hubert Colo had met the trustees and was engaged for the ensuing school year. He wis a well built, handsome young fellow, and during tbe ten days tbit elapsed between bla engagement and the time when school was to open he visited all families that had children, and did bla best to create a good Im pression, lu this he wis successful. ,,( nrh.-n ha onened ichool the Inhabit auts In No. 10 felt that they had ut lust got tbe toucher they hud been looking for yean ind years. The doctor aud the clergyman and a few other observant people shook their heads aud said one to the other: "Young Mr. Cole Is certainly an ac complished gentleman, but bla refine ment and culture are all bo much against blm. The Dooka will either drive him out, or he will lea?e In dis gust, aa others have done, long before tbe term Is out." Hubert Cole's plan was to do his work conscientiously; to treat all alike, and never to give an order which he hud not well considered, mid which he was not prepared to enforce. He determined to keep bis temper, nnd to nsiilrc prompt obedience from the very start. It wua often remarked that School 10 always began the MW tl rm with uow teacher, on which occasion tho building wns always packed; but us tho term wore on the attendance grew less, until at the close there were neither schol ars nor teacher. Heforo getting to work Robert Colo mode a quiet little speech the chil dren, aud while he was tabling he no ticed a ahock-hulrcd lad of 17, with a hair lip, who persisted lu tickling the oar of a little Is.y In frout of him with a straw. Hubert slopped, mid pointing to the culprit bo asked: "What Is your nmne, sir?" Tho culprit hsiked ulout bin with a laugh, as If he expected somo one else to nnswor. "Como up here, sir," inld Hobort, sternly. The culprit again looked about blm and laughed. He wua still looking almut him when be felt a hand on bis collnr, and before ho knew what wan up he was Jerked Into the nislo and dragged up to the platform, where tho teacher picked blm up and set him against the wall. "What Is your nanus sir?" Hobort asked again. The boy with the hnlr llp stammered: "My iinmo's Bill Dook." "Hill Dook, I have heard of you, but I was not prepared to see you begin your devilment before I began my school. Now, I should prefer to got along well with you and with every other boy and girl In school, but I want you to kuow that you must do as I say from the very first, or else I shall flog you and put you out of school." "My father's trustee," gisped Bill Dook. "I don't care If he Is fifty trustees. Y'ou must promise to do as I say or I ball fling you out of school now; you understand';" "Ye-yes," said Bill Dook, ' "Say 'yes, sir.' " "Yes, sir, I underataud." "Good; go back to your seat." Hubert Colo resumed his Inaugural a.bire-s just as If nothing hud hap pened. Hoyond lecturing a red-beaded girl of 10 till she cried she wns also u Dook nothing unusual occurred during the rest of the day. Robert examined bis scholars, prais ed the bright ones, encouraged the backward and got them all classified. Up to this time the oldest Inhabitant of District 10 could not recall a teacher wbo begun operations after Mr. Cole's manner. On hnd not boon there long enough to have hlH Qualifications' us a teacher culled In question by the gossips; they did not know blm long enough to make charges again-: his character, so even the Dooka hnd to confess that, while tho young toucher had rather queer no tions to start with, he meant right. Hobort Cole got his school well organ ised; ho treated all nllko, and while dur ing study hours ho never relaxed his discipline, nt noon nnd recess ho went out nud played with the children, and so prevented rude conduct and vulgar language. Hill Dook was on Ills gag mil took euro not to offend again, though hither to he bad boon the terror of all the touchers; from his dogged manner, Hobort Cole saw (hat the fellow hnr bomd revenge, and that sooner or Inter ho would try to gratify It. Aa the winter came on Noil Dook, n young man of 20, wbo had left school "for good" two years before, took It Into his head to attend again. Noil Dook was a heavy, powerful fol low, and hnd the reputation of being the best wrestler In the county. One of Hubert's friends hinted to him that Nod Dook's object In coming to school wai to make trouble for the teacher rather thin to get Instruction from him, nud Hobort soon saw that his friend was right. Tbe teacher, not a bit alarmed, deter mined to carry out his one rule for all. He would not let the big boys smoke or chew tobacco either In the school house or on tho grounds. "Kdwnrd lHiok, are you chewing to bacco?" asked (he teacher, the day af ter tho big brother had entered the school. "Yes, I am," said Ned Dook. And to prove It he spat on tho floor. "Y'ou cannot chow tobacco bore; apart from the example you set the younger hoys. I cannot stand such fllth In the schoolroom." "I've chawed for years," laughed Ned. "I don't care what you have done; you can't use tobacco In this school houso. Co to the door nud throw that Bluff In your mouth out." Ned Hook laughed and throw the quid ou the floor. 'Tick that stuff up and throw It out!" said the teacher, calmly and tlrnily. "Throw It out yourself, Mr. Teacher, but I won t," sold Ned Dook. "It Is ten minutes to noon, but I shall dismiss school now and call It ton min utes earlier. Tbe school will sift leave but Edward Dook." With alarm lu their faces, the chil dren wont out, and somo of the bigger boys, among them Hill Dook, with a look of satisfaction ou bis ugly face, looked In the windows. Edward Hook tried to smile when the teacher looked the ihor and came back to him, but his trembling lips showed that his confidence In himself waa somowb.it shaken. "Will you do as I told you, sir?" said the teacher, coming so close that he might have laid his hand on the other's arm. N.sl Dook's reply wai a fierce oath and a savage blow. "You licked my brother, but you can't lick mer oi . ci. aaw his tack and bnew his man. He threw off the blow with his right hand, and before Ned DM, who wns as clumsy as be wns power ful, could recover a blow plnnled be tween his eyes sent biro In a heap to tho floor. . . . Quick is a flash, Robert dragged hli retielllous pupil to the platform nud set him on bis feet The youug savage struck another blow ami again wus knocked down. Theu Hobort seized a short pointer, urn he applied It to tho fellow's arms and shoulders till he roared with pain. "Will you do as I say. Ned Dook? "Yes," howled the beaten cur. "Then pick up that tobacco nnd throw It out. Quick, or I shall lake off your coat aud wcur out nnother pointer on you." Ned Dook picked up the tobacco, and when the teacher opened tho door for hltn to throw It out bo rnn bare-bended like n deer In the direction of his homo, followed by his frightened brother. During the rest of the day Kobert continued os If nothing bad happened, and his school was a model of order. School hud Just been dismissed for the day, when Ned Ihiok's father and Nod Dook's uncle, both trustees and powerful men under 50, came to the school and demanded an explanation. Bobert saw that these men mennt fight, but that they wore made of the same material as the younger bullies. He explained, and said In conclusion: "If either of you men enme to my school I should expect you to obey mo." "But If we dldu't do so?" nsked Ned's uncle. "Then I should make you." "Do you think you could?" "I don't know whether you Intend coming to my school or uot, Mr. Disik," said Hobort, "but I know pretty well why you and your brother are hero. Your fumlly has been a curse to this district, but they must not stand In my way." Here he rose, and, locking the schoolhouse door, be put the key lu his pocket nud said as he came bnck: "If either of you, or both of you together, Imagine that I cannot flog you as quick ly as If you were boys, I'll uudertake to undeceive you." The Dooks exchanged glances. They wore flogged without striking a blow. They offered their bands to Robert nnd called him a brick, and told him to do as he pleased from this time ou and they would stand by him. Hubert took them at their word, nnd District 10, from being the worst, be came the very best In tbe county. A lady succeeded Robert Cole and she said she had never met with bettor pu pils or ulcer people. Hobort practiced law near by, nud the Dooks became his clients, not that they had a high admiration for his in tellectual acquirements, but because they believed that the ability to resist was a primary qualification for a law yer, nnd Robert hnd that quality in per fection. New York Ledger. HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Cwlona and Lanajhable Phoa of Human Nature Graphically Por trayed by Eminent Word Artlota of Our Owo Day-A Bodget of Fun. Heal K.tate. Wallace We don't want Hawaii. We want no hen then land. Ferry Hawaii Is no hetlien land. It has hud missionaries for 100 years, and while the natives may be beatiien tho land Is In possession of the Chrlstlma. Cincinnati Enquirer. As Hhe Understood It. He Why did you fall to rocognlwj me on the smut to-doy? She I dldu't see you. He That's strange. I saw you twice. gHtOb, that probably account! for It. I never uotlco a man lu that con dition. , Not a Quiet Talker. She -Is your wife talkative itlllT He-No, but she's still talkative. There are four States In which mules are very numerous Missouri, Texas, Georgia uud Tennessee, I'robably few pimple who visit Lon don are aware that otic of the most novel sights of the great city Is that of tho pigeons round the public buildings. Tho cries of sea blids. especially sea gulls, nre very valuable to sailors In misty weather. The birds cluster on the cliffs and const, nnd iolr cries warn Iwutincn that they are near tbe land. Natal's hippopotamuses are extinct. The lust herd wa protected by the gov ernment on a reservation near Durban. but did so much damage to (ho sur rounding sugar plantations that orders wero given to have It destroyed. An effort has boon made to determine the " pulling strength of elephants, horses and men. Attached to a dyn amometer, Barnum & Bailey's largest elephant registered a pull of two and a half tons on the second trial, but a smaller and more active elephant gave n record of Ave and n half tons wheth er as the result of a steady pull or a sudden Jerk appears to bo uncertain. A pair of powerful horses registered n ton nnd a fifth, while It required the strength of eighty-three men to equal the pull of the smaller elephant Used His Hand for Shark Mult. The fish In some waters are n hin drance, und nre greatly disliked by the diver. IVrhaps the diver's worst foe Is the conger-col. This creature attacks In swarms, and Is most daring and ex ceedingly voracious. Tho congers bark like dogs, nnd never hesitate In the least to bite a man. "At one time my right hand," said a diver to us, "was exposed for a motneut lu the water, when one of these fierce crenturos made a dash for It, and took a largo piece from the back of tho hand. It bled freely, nud I was obliged to come up to the surface and get It dressed." "But how about the sharks? Don't you find them troublesome?" I asked. "Not very. You sec, sharks are like rats; leave thorn ulone, nnd they ruu away If they catch sight of you. Cor ner n shark, and he will fight. But If yon Want a shark story, I can give you one of Lambert's; he once had a thrilling fight with one at the bot tom of tho Indian Ocean. Ho hnd been sent to the Island of Diego Onrda to fix copper sheets on a coal hulk that had boon fouled by n steam er, and was annoyed durlug his opera tions by the same shark for uenrly a week. The monster wns temporarily soured away, however, every time Lam. bort opened the oscape-volvo In bis helmet and allowed some nlr to rush out. One day La m berT signaled to his attendants for a big sheath kulfe and a looped rope. Having these, Lambed used his bare hand as a bait, mill u-al. ed until tho shark commenced to turn on its Pack, when he stablnil It repeat) edly. passed the noose round Its body, and slgnnlod for It to bo The diver brought home tbe shark's backbone is a trophy."-St. Nicholas. About two-thirds of a man's so-ca'led frlcuds would fall to stand the test A l0 gold piece la a nice round sum. He Deserved It. She You said a moment ao that you thought the world wns becoming less lovely every day. Did you really mean that? He-Of course. If I hadn't meant It I wouldn't have sold C She Yon needn't come next Bundny evening. I remomlior uow that I have another engagement It wns only then that ho realized how he had lost a girl whose father wai Worth millions. . r In Darkest Africa. Jlnibo Jum (meditating) I can't un derstand what's do maitiT wld Bingo Bam. Ever seuce he eat dat mission ary from New Jersey he ain't been well. S'pose do doctor will know bout It. Jumbo Jim Dafs a fact, be do. He Jos' boon a oierntln' ou Bingo, and he say he got a "hayseed" lu his appen dix. Elmlra Telegram, Her Findings. "Does your wife ever find fault when you happen to stay out late nt ulgbt?" "No; she Is generally too busy finding my hair." His Report. She Did you sound papa this after noou concerning our marriage? He Y'es, I sounded him, and I'll bet everybody In the block heard It when I struck the bottom. j Fclence muffed. "They are making artificial eggs In Europe that defy detection.'' "Bet they cnu't make an ogg two years old that will defy detection." Cleveland riiilnilenler. Fupcrfliions Action. "Ma, we alu't got coinp'ny for din ner." "No, little Tom." "Well, what makes you stick your lit tle finger out when you drluk tea?" fm pertinence. "When I get angry thoro Is no power on earth can' stop me." "From what making a fool of your self?" Fame. "There goes a man who awoke one morning to find himself famous." "You don't say so! What did ho do, write a great poem, or sluk a collier, or " "No; he's a dentist, and once filled the teeth of tho victim of a murder mystery." r Sorry Hho Ppoke. Young Robinson (who has a Terj good opinion of himself, and has Just been !utroduced)-I think I've met your uncle, Mr. Ernoat Brown, at dog shows?" Miss Brown-Ob, yes, uncle will go to those dog shows, and moots tbe most appalling people 1-I'uncb. Quite Theatrical. "You might have known you could not win with n play called 'The Katy did,' " said the rural uncle. "Why?" asked the nephew, the man ager, who was staying on the farm for the summer. "Katydid's a sure sign of frost," and the old man chuckled to think how well he was up in theatrical terms.-lndlan-apolls Journal. A One-Sided Affair. "You and Hagby are dear friends, aren't you?" "Well, he bas been dear to me, but I have never cost him anything," mi i n'do't Cllb. Did you climb the Alps?" asked tbe young woman. "No," answered Mrs. Cumrox, "w meant to. but we couldn't get accom modations anrwhere except on the sec ond floor of a hotel that had no eleva tor, to we went right away."Wah tegton Star. inn He Cosildo'7 tuZT "t i. .. """lersi... ZTfl , BIIIU UI0 Alllnr.- U any truth 'J Ueorge Washington n;"U'S SI ", 1 glless lh,.r.. i... lu1ll, noil, em, i i .. "u. I pull l r wouldn't ..are at n, I meet. If. dreadful, -J Nell-Yoa n,... . 7 "u,"oM., 'enow li, ha ve ui uch son.. J . - m ... , hit,, i. -"r "Well." rone . M(W u In politics." ""wna Why "if. Wo,rhti "Mrs. Putts b. my,.! penreii. I Ut husband Is bre,kiB.ZI under the strain of anxli.i.-'W "Does he fear that she'll" n- baek?" "No, he's afraid she will."-. v., .J World. f,WI nr s i.o u.t Yin, we lost that good rirl tk,tl told VOll about " I "Whnt sms Ik. , ,, .. ...... ,,. , r Hll'l. 1 . . uy. sue ion tue water ru., J tbe bathtub and It leaked uwll sho caught cold. Sh ..t.i . . l stay In a house whore they dkhS water-tight floors."-cievelnK Pw denier. A Cruel AwakfB0f, Miss Lovoy-Ah, no, Utrry, t never be. Jnek b,eL,ui ,i,... i . .. uai uriClsill forever nnd kept the kor Hnzard-If you want to get otrtsft any so. t very follow In tbe rU M a gin one ami our keys are Hi .s Jewelers' Weekly. An l.i i i . m, Cast. "Clarendon Da wilier 1. tbe mm kail i , . i-eini in mull l ever XDSW. "Doesn't he do anything it il?' "Il.i iilie.li't. .'. II,. A . blame bis pnronts for not brlojfu k up uirrerently." Not Internally AfftcM "I like to meet those looghilrel ernry men. "Why?" "They always have more wd tktj you expect to And after luoklnj i tbcui. ' Jest Ter Tlnk. "Say, Mugty, Jst tor link wm be or kid like dad" "fioo wblxl But I'm glad tnm growed ItT' Browning Klng'l Mm Bhows the Effects. There la a theory. Mnrle thai nn j montnllr Influenced bv furnltore-" IB llini niiTm'" "--is lietler quit sleeping In that brj Stend." II V ....... -I i, Ml. Ho I have never done an. thin H my life thnt I'm sorry for. et. or All ,1,,11't von do I thing some day nnd run tbcroii"! Ing sorry or glad of It? tn i Mi noted. Ho Unless you marry tuo 1 tt" In II... TrlindlL-e She-There! I'npn said yon 1 mere fortune-hunter and now j proved It. Modern Transmigration 1 m. , . , ms aesi Tjrceu wneu i ioo ' s 10 me oenuiiiui oin.i - ag .-.. ni..n "it neenuUi1. Illia 111 .Mil III I insula, BBJ must have kuown you lu sow', state." .jj- ..ii . , , I,.' rerr ir0(SS W Oil, IIHII IBM I ,1 . , w ..,i m kno,1 sne repuoii. mu two former Btatos-wbeo I u rled and living In New J'J don't you remember Nell Then It all came ti'k to alt"" confessed that he bad gone .. - j for the same purpose. IMhCCrmii."- .m "Is Mrs. Swagger Intellect IO AT- T . . . mf essg "Very: she nsuou " maker's address the first tl called.' Photograph. o7cetohHtjJ Many actresses and M1, very fair Incomes out of rat tbelr photographs. Few ot have any Idea ofthesuniP tographcrs for 'Sry Dickens Is credited with brf utfaMllt to exact bee ' , lege of taking bis portrait rapherkopt bothering aud Dickens a --- 0 mi guineas as an honorarium. , ing this Fanny Kemb e foMeae than 60, and dish demanded ami b A,1nmn. toward? the M . reer, used to receive ,t t,ng. and Mrs. CVrn il"J i.ik. nt her popularity. " rf: half as much agn "jj Parisian vM'"jttfji w n..,hnrdt tor a SI Hi ... - BUriUI Ull"" .n,tfori"r .t ro milneas apl'-ec, nu -l ,ege of ..king XfT Mrs. Langtry, a firm of j)0 tographers bad to pay Herald. m 9 We suppose the bard'' world would be to P-'" jJd(. worthies men to Join a