Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 12, 1898)
STORY OF A STATESMAN. mmmmmimmmmmmmm I WAS a Iuh!i Ins young Con grcssmnti, who wont to Wash ington oa the tidal wave from one of till1 UN trietl In the South. Hut ho ii.ni not been nl (lie c n p 1 1 ii I mora than six months bo Core those who hml known him tit homo ami wont to Washington on business scarcely wcatnlwd bin os the name man. A gn-at , hnil CO DM over Algernon Smith ,1,.,., M. C. At home be bad ...... wl f.. Mlll.-ll U.U-tlllK- II.. 0f very lor parents - w hite 1 tbe colored verdict said. Mr. lleeH pOUiaiSS. now ever, uogun jr. Ilroivtilec, and what he lack UrlltOCraC of blood he made up prodigious liiistllug abilities. "fltb I'11 "Ceil energy nun up w u i l of mind, he had the good for- ue 1 1 comblD6 in afTiihlc disposition, iiccoiiimoihtlng manner, a pleasant lilt ami 11 crt'ilu good address. When entered the race for Congress none urlncd for a minute that he had the fbtest prospect of success, but the (IMP political weather prophet has djiip'rotis tendency to pin his faith tbe infallibility or his own opinions litiiiillug Pt upon them; and that s-liy It happens so often that young alike Mr. Hrownlce heat out an old ? horse and go to Congress on a tl- vnivc. l mine me ravens w no his doom, Hrownlce did some eristic hustling, snatched tbo Hon from a tired old cnmpnlgn- ns elected. g be reached Washington he he conventional soft black h.it s black skirt coat of the South, fore he had been there fix i lie looked like a Broad ivny IT M' i-n '. Kir I II k 'V vv U 1.' ti .i rv tot II TATA AND MAMMA vll, with a silk hat, black cutaway n II ' '. I I i M i t I s I I I H Ills constituent! scarcely recof- I liltn. rich and thoroughbred Miss ety men casting themselves at her .i .i ...i.t. ii. i r .. 1 SMi iJimii't i inr in rioir i i." n in s- si'iit to Congress must be the cock of 1- Wll i I Ills 11 Kt riot- :l II I IM I nil the suit of a niemlKT of the House Anil so, to cut things Bhort. after a a - . ... j ...... " 000 of the fiiutilminlilo churches. ii ii great display or pomp, ino at- i, . .. I ..I ..t ....... . ... a mi- press, eic. i uen, aner a hint reception, they departed on " i : IVlll lull li. .1 I.. .l-.ivv II ... v ..v..,....,,, .v j-.. ,. - alttnetrlcallv opposite direction, Just fur from Ills illutrh-t nu lie emilil i.o Bat i.l.. a .i Kimigton, Installing themselves at " M . mm p, mint iih v (1 Sill. II .lIi.iii.-I. ,' . , 11 4.. it .. ""llII ll I II' M 1 ' i III iu Ulftt'" Be secret of making nn Impression odety. With tbo aid of his irifs'i Mill .'ii.l... .... 1 II. - ...... I.......... - '"kiiii iiini LI I n tr, mm miih , )' YV.'IV UHj ,wi.,,t. .. I. ... I... ... ,..!. " vr-il iu ill. II. .lli'l III' in. i'n- P Ii... t .. i.t ii in villi in i n, in- ii it" 1 i J n nt'lf Hilll UJH'll .ilin-s. G if mm mnii ........ i.u i i .... ... in,) u m i n ii j ii . i III W'lti... .1. w t wit wiiolo, Hrownlee deterred it. una iu im worm, mi i a in u.v ui- i no witmt'y u:ki opoii unco hi ' NHl IU lUIIHrfrtS. lit" nan T IHltA.l.i . . . . . '.-mi-U tlllll HIUIHtT IV II II.U MM- ...... nun ui i ii ailt'U lilPin'l- illllf 111 I111HM. Mild JH'll ii i i h v. il l h in Ki'ir loor. HO aim la atil.1 In nt ,.v Bnni dixir oiuv In n II fH lino, lie ii "Come In!' tn his loudost Ami lie was honest atiil sincere. not (Ifoelvi'tl Miss Vernon ' " i-'-'iikhm'. sue nan lanrn niui I'i'ttcr or worte. and tlie fault was . .1 l.k u in.. .1 C , .1 .'. 1 iwnlee wnn a gool working mem- wuii'gs. no maue irienoB -nn me leaders, aim imiieo ., ,-,,. r losI Hlglll oi I I ill a BIT '''' All this young man wanted 1 opportunity. He would rise to the "'on, for that he vouched. The .. ..!.. , m i-iiiue 10 ll u euu. j ue eu-- 1 "eur in naiid, nun every n " "i nouie io iook nuer u:s life to decide unon t course of ac ..on regard to nils aristocratic "" Take her hoiie? Ix-ave her k aim in, tan, I muiw. I ll.lVe I . lli Inl. Inn m .. . I lb.1 ' . Ill- tall tfr. ..I...1 (I... I....... . . . .11 m . . - - wiu.iiih a (. . 1 1 " i . leoiiiKeo ir rnwi i'iv l I hall accomiianr you. You II l.- J a -. v.vnr. i navp never seen your "u uminma. i nave formed iiij oi mem, and am real anxious S' them Tkn. mmmkmt I... 4.... .krni. " ii- j uiuat uvjuai ,.,. I'.'i'tile In . III. I II.. " A1'y 1 what he always calhsl m- Rut there wa no music In the un,l of the swei't diminutive. be "d It en this fatal morning after faet BrownlM had a hMdache. A? WW o. and waa not as respousivo to bis wife's nffertlonato caresses us usual. "Well, I'm not ashamed of 'em, any. bow, bo replied In desperation. They packed their things and loft town tho next evening. If Mrs. nrowolee In her huorsnt rustfulness anticipated scenes of greet, big In which mingled the pl.-tun-s.iue efftvts of n summer residence on the banks of I.ako Porno, as described by ('Inude Meliwtte, with the other details of romantic stage Illusions, which U. KUlle the senses of a girl who has seen only the fashionable side of life, her anticipations were sotnewlint dampen itl when they Stopper off the train In the dark und found themselves on a platform where some rough-looking men were lounging about under the eunnpy of a projecting roof thut was sheltering them from a dreary rainfall They seemed to recognize the DMDbef or Congress, despite his disguise, for he wore a fashionable overcoat and a closely roiM umbrella, though h- had exchanged his silk hat for a Derby. After some whispering the knot of loungers grtivltat.sl toward them. "Iog my oats, Hill." called out one, "If this nlu't Smith Hrownlce. Hello, Smith; got back, bare yo'?" slapping film on the back. "My, but yo' look putty! Come 'ere, Jim: look nt Mm. Would ye know 'Im ef yo' met 'Itn OB a dark rond? Pay, Smith, yo" must a struck It rich when we sent jro' to Congress. When yo' left yur yo' didn't have an overcoat to yo' back, an' I'll leave It to the crowd, now, did 'el" Smith tried to tnke It as a Joke. He laughed softly and Introduced his wife In the Ill-lighted waiting room whither the delegation of his constituents hud followed. They removed their hats and stared at the lady like a lot of bump kins; but this diversion continued only until the most loud spoken constituent could think of saying something that was Intended for n compliment to Mrs. Brownlee, but which rlcoehottod upon her husband In the form of another rude sully nt the metamorphosis of his condition, when they nil hawhawod In chorus. Mrs. Hrownlce was beginning to get shocked. The smell of the coal oil made her 111, and she pinched her husband's arm as n signal to break away and hit to the bosom of bis family. Itrowulee cursed himself and the crowd, and for the Brit time Iu bis life felt sorry that he ever married. Outwardly, however, he gave no token of his chugrln, but smiled und cracked jokes and clutched at every straw that promised him relief from the merciless persiflage of bis III brod constituents. He Dually mauaged to get his wife and himself iuto a foul smelling little country 'bus that carried passengers; and a bourse shout that sounded half derisive to the well-trained perceptive faculties of Mrs. Hrown lce went up from the platform through the darkness and rain as they drove away. Hrownlce told the 'bus driver to stop at the hotel. He did, but tho owm r was tearing down that part of tbe building where the rooms for guests were located, to rebuild, he said, "agin court time," and thero was no place there for them. So there was nothing to do but what Hrownlce, In the most desperate calculation of his chances, had never contemplated even as a lust resort stop at bis borne. "Daisy," said he, In a hoarse voice, as the 'bus splashed through the mire of the road; "Daisy," softly taking her hand In bis, "are you prepared to make a sacrltlce for me greater, I hope, than any I shall ever ask you to mako for me again In nil our lives?" She said "yes" wearily, with her head swnylng loosely on her shoulders like a sick child's; "what do you ask mc?" "That you will not hate or despise me when I Introduce you to my father and mother," he said, tenderly. "They are poor, then?" she asked In that same weary tone. "They are the commonest people In the Suite; they arc so common that when everybody In town had the chol era It passed them by as not worth no tlclng." "My!" she exclaimed; "how did you ever'get Into Congress?" "Hy my own efforts, and not witn the help of anybody In tho world. I Just simply hustled for It!" "Well," she said, "let It come." The parental Hrownlees lived In a plain, yellow, frame house, colonlnl In style In that It shot upward on four slde9 like a big box, but without any ornate adornments ondel the eaves, and without even a veranda, except a )O0 MV OATS, D1I.I." CKISD OJ-'T ONE, "IF THIS AIN'T SMITH WloWM.EE. small one that afforded a view of the cabbage patch and a pig sty In the brther perq tivc at the back of the huse- ji Hrownlec's mother smoked a corncob pipe and had whiskers. Brownlee1! father ate bis supper In bis shirt sleeves, and wore cowhide boots out side of his pants while he was eating It The furniture was scaut, and they rented the house; that Is, they rented It, but Brownlee. M. C. paid tbe rent Tbe greeting that the Brownlees, first edi Hon extended to the Brownlees. second edition, was cordial to demonstrative ness Tbe maternal Brownlee was something of a cook, and soon had a repast steaming on the table. It wasn;t a bad supper, but Mrs. Brownlee dldti t bare ber Washington appetite with ber and her slight headache had grown worse and she asE.u io her room Tbe room bad no comrons except a patrneo Wfn - stead and an upright packing box with a curtain drawn around It for a waah- Stand, and a portable mirror of the Seen at cheap auction stores. W hen she srose the hext morning .r headache had not abated. The naeij of frl.sl pork and ...ff.s- that struck her olfactories while she was dressing win. too much for her delicate uerv.s. and she never wished herself farther away from the house of her husband's par cuts than ut that moment. She lpxs a little coffee and then withdrew ngaln to her room, Just to be alone. When Hrownlec, M. c, entered, she wns lying on the bed fully dressed, w.i-plng. What Passed hsfWSOU them Iu the In tervlew that took place Is n matter of conjecture. The result bOOMM evident wheti the bus drove up to the Urownl.v mansion that Mrs. Hrownle. SVenlag. and Mr. BBdleeOi while the steerage Is KDO, The the younger, itot In and 1 roue 10 uie depot. Hrownlce saw his wife safely aboard the Pullman car, and then stood on the platform and wutched the train disappear In the dis tance. The same set of rutllnn constituents who greeted him on his arrival were occupying their accustomed place 00 the platform, and Indulged Iu their nnowM.EE's MOTiiK.it .MOKp.n a ooa COB riPE AMI I1A0 WlimKKRS. favorite pastime of heaving fossilized Jokee at their representative In Con gress. Brownlee swallowed it an in good part, and then turned his back to the station and sauntered toward the parental mansion with tbe weary step of a man who has a load on his con science. Rut that did not deter Hrownlce from getting out and bustling. If he had worked like a Trojan the first time for his nomination, he threw the energy of a double dose of Trojan devotion Into his efforts now, and the result of It all was that he was renominated and elected, and went back to Washington to finish bis unexpired term of service In the House. His wife sat In the gallery one day unseen by him when a great debute was on. Brownlee hud prepared him self for the master effort of his life. He had got the consent of the leaders on his side to make a speech. He at tracted little attention as he rose, and with bis genial smile glanced over the bouse, drew a dit-p breath and launch ed forth. Hut by and by he wanned to bis subject, and here and (here a mem ber on the oilier side Interrupted him. Then suddenly Browulec's genius flashed forth In all Its originality. Sev eral members who had tried to trip blm up found themselves mercilessly Impaled upon tbo fiery shafts of Brow Usee's sharp retorts and held up to tho ridicule of the house, while BtOWU lee smiled In that fetching way of his that made him resemble nn expert con jurer when he contemplates the aston ishment of the deluded victims of his craftiness. Before be sat down Brown lee had scored a triumph that Insured blm a place on one of tbo big commit tees of the house when the next Con gress should organise. One of the doorkeepers handed blm a note. He was receiving the congratu lations of bis side of the house, and he did not open It for several minutes, holding it olmost forgotten In his dosed hand. When he opened It he read: "Dear Ally: I am ready to beg your pardon now any tlnio. Come. Am heartbroken. DAISY." DEPOPULATION OF FRANCE. Influx of Foreigners Prevent the De crease Becoming Apparent, The returns of the census for Franco, which was taken on March K 180T, have now been published and cOBBpan d with tho statistics of the previous cen sus, which was taken six years ticfore, on April 12, 1SU. A yenr ago the num ber of people In Prance was 88,228000, and nt the lS'.ll census It was o8.0'.'5.150, so thut In the six years the population of Trance had only Increased by 188,810 persons. And even this trilling Incie.iso Is more appurcut than real, for It has taken place entirely In the large towns, nnd Is duo to the Influx of foreigners, such as Belgians nnd Italians, who ore 'to be fouud In Increasing numbers among tho urban populations of Franco. In only twenty-four departments Is there any Increase; In sixty-three de partments there Is n positive fulling off. und this Is more especially marked In the rural communes. Even more than In England does tbe population flock from the country to the town, and yet We arc always hearing of the pi rfeel nature of the French agrarian laws and of the advantages of small holdings. The fact Is, that small holdings tend to keep down the rural population, for the subdivision of fields has now got to such a pitch that any family at all often means starvation to a man nnd wife. For years past the French popula tion bns only been kept from showing an absolute decrease by the Influx of foreign workmen Into the great towns, and yet tbe French allow the folly of the colonial party to drag them Into ridiculous enterprises abroad for the benefit of a few greedy officials snd functionaries. A nation with a decreaa Ing population can never bold colonies, and the French may rest assured thai sooner or later their colonies will go tin way of those possessed by tbe sister Dutlou, Spain.-Ixiudon Globe. As It Is In Georgia. The following Is a copy of a sign In a remote Georgia county: "A Few Bright Scholars Takln to Dern Wrltln, Hpnllin an Flggers." A trnveler, noticing the sign, asked the principal where he had graduated. The principal jKiluled to a cotton field near by and said: "Itlgbt over thar, sir; behind a Georgia mule, uuder a July sun." p.r.TT man knows by bis own expert ence bow many promises of the lover are filled after marriage, still, lie goes on believing what candidates sre promising lj,tM of peoplt who cllug to the an chor of hope go down to the mud. OUR TROPICAL TERRITORIES. Im.. fur Fnrlunr llu.ilrr. la Cnlia or I urlu It .. l or the first time In history a cltlicn f the United States has an opportunity to try rolonliatioii In the ironies under Iim own Hag. The nearest of the new lands to come under the domination of Dnde Sum Is Porto Itlco, says the New York lleruld. There Is only one dlriH-t line to this Isl and, and that Is from New York. You may go by either Killing vessel or steamer, as you see (It nnd according to the price you want to pay. First1 class passage to Porto Itlco by steam ship, oooupiltf from Qve and one half to six days, It tr.ii. Scorn I cabin Is landing places are San Juan mid Point Encli passenger Is permitted to curry IV) pounds of baggage free Freight charge on household goods Is 10 ivuls per cubic foot If you want to go by way of Havana tho exjH-n.se Is about the same. While It Is true that we cannot say that Cuba Is a possession of the Dnlted States, or aNiiit to become so. we are unquestionably going to hnve a great leal to do with the development of that country. It Is true that Porto nieo It the nearest of our possessions to Is-. i hut If we consider Cuba, as It certainly I will be, a great field for the - migrant from the United States, the cost and methods of going there will Is- of Inter est. It takes Just four days to go from New York to Ilavuca, and the cost Is .'t7, f J.'i ond $1. according to the quar ters the passenger engages. There Is uo direct line to Santiago, all passen gers procs-dlng via Havana, tbe time occupied In-liitf seven days. Cost of pas sage is 805, K" and $:u. Vessels snll for Havana from all along the eusteru Atlantic const, and If the person going there is willing to submit to very plain fare and a certain amount of discom fort he can made the passage at about one-thin) the rate given ulsive, provid ed he w 111 take one of the Uttlo tradlug vessels. The person who wishes to go to the Phlllpplno Islands will save time and money by going cither across the con tinent by rail or via tho Isthmus of Panama. In either rase tbe faro will be $'J.'sl to the city of Mnnlla. To reach Guam, the one Island of the I.adrones where our government seeks to establish a coaling station, at routes of travel exist at present, ono must either pay from o0 to $75 extra to In duce the Mnnlla steamer to stop there on Its wsy out, or else must stop at Hong Kong and uwult an opportunity to tuko passage Iu a vessel going to Guam. Most Americans who go to Ponce, In Porto Itlco, rent rooms and dine at soino other place. In the suburbs, where houses tre most easily obtaina ble, a good house costs from "5 to (.'10 a mouth. A suite of two rooms In the city, furnished, costs from $2 to f.'l a week. If It Is desired to keep bouse, ono must pay $7 a barrel for au In ferior quality of flour. As for incut, poultry, eggs, etc, all arc very plenty and at about one-half the prices charg ed In tho United Slates As for clothing, almost everyone wears linen suits, which cost $2..V) or (3 each. Naturally It Is necessary to havo a number of these, but the Porto Itlco women will wash them for very little to little that to tbe Amerlcau It s.-.-ms nothing at nil. In Havana, Santiago nnd other Cu ban cities tho cost of living Iu hotels averages $1' a day. In American board. !ng houses the chnrgo Is from 10 to 40 a month. Outside the cities the cost of living Is much less than In the l.'uited States. Potatoes arc very cheap. Land is about the same price at tn tbe Unb ted States. Flour It $7 a barrel. Beef, with tho bones In, cotts 12 cents a pound; wlrh the bones removed, 20 cents a pound. All kinds of fish are plentiful and much chenper than here. The milk Is of very poor quality, and Uio American who wants to start a dairy farm will practically have the field for his own. American condensed milk costs 23 cents a can. The native vegetables aro much cbens-r than In tho United States, of a better quality ind always tn season, ftleo costs from 8 to 10 cents a pouud. ICnough sweet potatoes for a big family In tho city cau bo bought for Ave cents, nnd in the country less than half that Fruits those of tbo tropica aro very cheap. There Is no scarcity of houses In Cuba, inch as llicy are; and a very good ono Indeed ran bo tecured for $12 a month. Linen It the principal clothing worn, and here a tult costs from $0 to (7. The material comes from France, Germany and Belgium. Very little silk Is seen and no heavy clothes at all. Shoes cost about tho tamo as In the United States. Straw bats nr.- ebeapef and very much better. The favorite materials for wonicn't dresses are lawn and percale, and those cost from 25 centt to $1 a yard. Percale comet from ttie United States. A very ood servant ctn be hired for 83 a month, the very bett receiving only 815. The cost of living and the facts con cerning the clothing worn In tho Phil ippines are much the same at In Porto Itlco, with the exception of the fact thut occasionally heavy clothing It needed because of the fearful storms that every now and then burst upon the Islands. In every one of the placet where the raising of the Stars and Stripes has at tracted the eye of the emigrant a per son with a desire to mske money and a determination to economise can me ce. d. The emigration movement bat already liegun. Japan's Commerce Augmenting. Since tbe Chlno-Japaneeve wer tbo commerce of Jupan hat shown a re markable Increase us compared with other periods In the history of the em pire. Her Imports lust year were val ued at g-M.OJO.iHio, m Increase of about 88,HXMHW over those of 1800; the ex ports reached 140,000,100, which It an hill SUSS of flZOOOrOOO. The share of hs Dnlted States In the aggregate Is set down at gtftfflHMWfr while Great Hrltaln has a little over 830.000.000. Japan's trsde with Australia Is also Im proving rapidly. I" year's total repre senting an Ucreate of S3 per cent, on the fliruret of lhUO. There It also noted a tendency of Imports to Increase and 0 exports to decrease. How Man nresmr. Flsb do not breath air, but the llfe tupportlng constituent of alr-oiygen g.it which Is soluble In water to the) eg teal of 3 volumes tn HSl nl ordinal y temperatnros and i in loo at r . point. The water containing the dissolved mygen Is inude to pass over the gills, where It Is separated from I lie blood only by n very thin membrniic, through which the gas Is able to pasa. plh In lee twii ltd rivers have to de pond entirely iioii this store of oxygen for their respiration, and If It DOONtOt exhausted they are suffocated, Just as WS should Im- If deprived of oxygen. It rarely happens. hOWOTOfi that any considerable area of water Is entirely 00 Voted wllh lee, SSPSfllSflj In the cose of rhers. Holes and crocks nre almost sure to occur here and there, by which the oxygen of Hie air can reach the water nnd Isroine dissolved In It. l'ur Ing a long frost fish may always be found Congregated hem-nth air holes In large iiuiiiIhts. They are thtiie to hi cut he. Pearson's Weekly. v'tuaJtV, There nro 10,000 camels at work In Australia. Ostrich taming Is a very profitable Industry In Africa; where It Is computed there ure over lOAOOO tnine birds. The nests of termites, or white nut, nre, proportioned to the size and weight of the builders, the greatest structures In the world. Lord Stratheonn has presented his line herd of buffaloes to the Canadian govei nment The herd It said to ts the only one In the Northwest, nnd will be removed o the Banff Nailonul Purk. Cats can swim If they only care to ex ert themselves sufficiently. The ancient Kgyptluus used to fish with them on the Nile, according to the representa tions on walls and so forth that hue come down to us. So small a creature as the beaver, ac cording to 11. H. Woodward, of the British Museum, has changed the char acter of a considerable portlou of tho Hrltlsh Isles to a remarkable degree. The Imr.lers of the fens were once cov ered with forest, and the beaver was one of the most plentiful animals of the region. Its dams turned tbe Streams from their natural course. The ater as In the valleys of the Leu, the Ouse, the Cain and the Nene--was thus made to flow over the country at run dom, tho valleys giuduiilly becoming stagnant ureas filled wllh bog moss, snd forming what wo know as the fea lands. . A Hygienic Home. My wife and I sre trying haul To live on healthful diet, Wc Nad the food churl hy the ysrd, And run our kitchen by It; We've huiilshod from our bills of fart All thst such guides eondcuiuj True hygieue is all our cure, As pluiiued tud taught hy thetn, For breitkfnst rolfce Is tubooed. Hot rakes unit cggi forbidden, And milk, since It Is oft Imbued With genus profuse, though hlililcti, II; on 1 Is unw holesome, so It steal j Submissive to our lot, UunncHl nnd barley SMBl we tuke, And driuk bolh-J water hot. For dinner soup will never do, And oysters typhoid nourish) Sslinls, entrees nnd Ices, too, Are nit-re dyspeptic aonrlShl Potatoes (by the lust advl.e) Are psiSOSmWj we'ro told; We eat raw it, chopped fine, with rice, And driuk boiled water cold. For tnppcr some profcttort teach Tit best to go without It, But since dlscrctlini's left to each, We tuko our choice about It; On chicken, wnflh-s, tea and cakn, We nre forbid to feed; But gluten wafers, corns (weak), And pruues, nre all wo need. It grieves us much onr friends to view 8n reckless In their diet; Our wholesome menu we pursue And beg of them to try It; But appetite's ungodly away Their nature so enthralls. We ctn not get t guest to ttsy WlLhlu our healthful walls. -Tit-Bits. All Must Pay Hoard. - When mnmben of the Queen's fam ily or any wandering German rebitlvct of high degree visit Iondon aud occu py apartments In Buckingham Pulace, "by Invitation," they pay their board Just like common folks In a Unit class hotel. This prevents tho sovereign lady from having too much company and makes things very pbvsant for tho palace servants. Tho Independence It gives some of tbo roysl guests Is not w holly uppreclatisl by them, but, as tbo Queen early Iu her reign detertnlued on this economical course, ber subjects cannot Justly complain of bor cxtravii ganre. It It a very expensive piece of pleasure being a guest of royalty, and even the Queen's own children must pay their way out of their allowances when unt directly under mamma's roof. Boston Herald. Caught a l i . with a fishhook. Wesley Welch, of Bleeeker, N. Y., while fishing ou Heck's pond, In Fulton County, New York, saw a deer swim ming a short distance from tbe boat. Mr. Welch bad a lot of trolling hooks, one of which was quite large and at tached to a stout line. He went In pur suit of tbe deer, an.) at he approached the animal he threw the hooks at Its bead. A large book became fastened to the deer's nose, and the cord wns drawn under Its leg, pulling the doer's h.d under water snd drowning It. Mr. Welch secured the game. Ireland's Large! Hog-. Tbe largest liog In Ireland Is tbe Hog of Allan, which stretches serosa tho center of the Island, cast of tho Shan non, nnd covert nearly 2.V1OO ocres. Altogether there are n.-srly 3.000,000 I , ,f lg In Ireland that Is to say, about one seventh of the total area of tbe country Is bug. Like All Husbands. Mrs. Btyhes One characteristic about my husband I like ho always calls a spade a spade. Mrs. Laugh -I suppose he's like sll huslionds, however; be calls a club a lodge. -Boston Traveler. The wife of a man ruuulng for office has at bard a time as a mother hsa tak ing her belt through a teething spall. LET US ALL LAUGH. WUKES FROM THE PENS VARIOUS HUMORISTS. OF Mratsnl btSMaatS Occurring tht WorldOrrr Hajlngath.it AreCnacr fnl to OU or Young - Vunnf belectlona thai Von Will Knjoy, A 111, for r.ii. She- And what shall I say In case pupa nsks me what your pSOOpSSlt nre? lie Well, er you might say that I SSI figuring on s.s urlng one of the most prominent, liitlu.-ntlal and wealthy men In the city for my father In law. That ought to fetch him. Mnllur hut IHITrrrnt, W.s-ks Young Broklelgh certainly deserves a great deal of credit for kis-p lug up SppOSranOSS OB such a small In come. Mocks Well, don't you think for a minute that he Isn't getting It. Ho owes nearly every mail In town. Merrlv tttatOSjti "Will, Jim, wot d'ye think nbout the Cxar o' Itooshlu und tills here uulversal disarmament business T" Jim Well, It's like me nnd my ole woman when we has family trouble. The one what promises peace Is de one wh.it nlu't got hold o' de poker. He Wa.n't Worth Much. Smith Brown Isn't working very much this summer, is he? Jones-Why, be told me the other day that he hud been working for all be wns worth. Hinlth-Well, It amounts to the same thing. A Krnae of Mrlndr. The mnn who does not enjoy music wns in Ing forced Into a conversation on the subject, "Of course, horns nn- nisvssnry for orchestral effect," the technical cnthu slust was saying, "but I derive most pleasnre from the violins. Don') you v "1 OSn'1 suy Hint I do. You s.s-, the fish vendors never pluy the vbdln. They nearly always blow 0 horn." Washington Star. Ilia Natural Impulae. Mrs. Peck Suppose that you and I were nil alone upon s desert island, w hat Is the first thing you would do? Mr. Peck (Impulsively)- Try to get twny. New York Herald, A IMIi-st Hint. Miss Cutting I havo heed troubled a great deal with that tin,! fis-llng of lute. Softlelgh -Aw, Indeed! Wcnlly I'm. BW vewy sorwy to heiih It, .lonelier know. Is thcah any thing I, aw can do to nffowd you welenf? Miss Cutting (Hi dour no. I, er don't want to hurry you nt all. One Victory, "I see here thut an American nrmy of Beer has married a Spanish girl." "Well?" "That Is ono crushing victory for the Hons, anyhow." Philadelphia North Ainorleuil. Sloe plots Mama-ota. Brown My wife says I talk In my sleep. Jones Well, you're lucky. Brown How so? Jones My wife docs all the talking In mine. Chicago News. Nnt an Aaylnm Kiili)ret. Stranger That man Is evidently rrury. Why Is he not put In au asy lum? Native His property Is so heavily mortgaged thut none of his relutlvct Wimt It. New York Weekly. Hardly Worth While. Jnggson (running ngulnst mnihle statue In hull) Gruthus, Mart, y'r (hie) ban's 'r cold. Shouldn't wait up fr me 1' long, durllng. Might He Hour. The Poet I wonder If one would rhyme "darling" with "iiinrrellngV" The Savage llaehclor What nre you writing an cpltliuluinluiii? Cincin nati BntjutreTi I'revloua Prurtlve. "You don't look strong and rugged enough to bo n polleamaa, Hum- you ever bad any experience or training In that 11 ne r "Well, tlr," suld the applicant, "I rung the parish church Is-lls for ten years. How's that fur Ulu' a pculer?" -Chicago Tribune. lit (lot Her. "Humph:" growled the multl million sin-, "so you vtnnt my girl's band, do you? Have you tots of enterprise?" "Well," retorted the hardy swain, "I'm after the only daughter of Just aliout the richest and meanest man In these parts."- New York World. A Mlaalng Word Fake. Ills tongue elovo to tbe roof of bis mouth. "I I that Is," ho faltered, "you " And then ho suddenly caught her to his bosom. "You know what I would sny!" he cried. Frigidly she disengaged herself. "An other missing word fake," she mutter ed, pole, but culm. Detroit Join mil. A lloprlraa Csae. "I wonder If Miss Antlipie will ever stop tM-Ing giddy T" "Never; DSCMSS she will never con fess that she has reached the years of discretion." lliirjH'r's Bazar. Ho Hnri aatlr. Willie I .nice knew 11 girl who nearly died from lee cream poisoning. Nellb- The very Idea! I would never have dreiiimsl of such 11 thing hapis-n-Ing to a girl of your tSQUalntSHOSi liidhuiuMllt Journal. Th- I'ropcr frtra. Utile Brother-Polly, whnt Is n hero? Smaller Sister (promptly) A 'Mori tn, o' tolllse! Judge. Ilia Own Way. "Illvklns bus his own sy In his house." "Yes. But his wife always tells him what It Is going to In ltcforoliand." Pick Me-Up. N hat'a the Vttv. "Did you ever think whut you would do If you had Itothschlld's Income i" said Seedy to llnrdlippc. "No; but I have often womb-red what Koihschll.l would do If he hud my In 1 0111,. " tendon Judy. Ki.av to rer. Pretty Teacher What were our sands given us for. Bennlel Bonnie years old, gallantly) To hold. Judge. llolil Mnn. She- Hut haven't you heard that there are microbes In kisses? He (carelessly) Oh. yes; but 1 nui nn Immune. BOBMTVlllS Journal. Nn Way of Keeping It. "lie left bis umbrella Iu the office safe." "Yes." "And that night somelKidy stole tho s.ifc" Cleveland Plain Healer. Kweetntaa. "Some of the days when summer Is merging Into uutuuin are wonderfully fine," remarked the girl who likes the inn-try of nature. "Now nnd then there seems to lie a great deul of sweetness In the nlr." "H.ssle dey Is, honey," replied tho colored woman. "As I wus cumin' past de mii'sh, ev'y now an' then I s.ru places whnli de air wus chock full o' rnnd birds, it do seem n shnnsa. wif s much sweetness tlonlln' around, .hit It should he so huhd ter git at." Wash ington Star. Plated the Pacta. "ICnthliH-n, my husband wns dlssntts Mcd with his breakfast this morning." "Your hiisluiml diiHsen't sny thut to me face." Browning King's Monthly. Methn.l In His Madaesa. Ton be went out rowing on the lake und rocked the boat when he got In the deepest part." "Idiot I" "oh, I don't know gbOQt that. Ho mnmigcd to tip the lsnt over and drow n two of bis creditors." Cleveland l'lulii Dealer. The Tronhle. Anxious Mother - How Is It that you have so much trOVbtt with your house keeping? You told 8M your v. if. BOSU cook. Adult Son She can. "Then what u the matter?" "Shu wou't." New Y'ork Weekly. At the Country Grocery, Pint Villager- Where's Col. Boaster? Don't s.s- hi in around here lately, S.s-oiiil Villager Oh, he's boon sick in bod with the asthma ever since tbu rnr broke out. - Boston Courier. Krtnlnlacent Joya. "I gave my husband a dose of sul phur nud molasses for his hi..... " "Was he willing to tuke It V" "Yes; but he said It wasn't half as good as that his mother used to make." A Henae of Melody. The man who does not enjoy mush; was Mug forced Into a conversation on the subject. 'Of course horns nre necessary for or chestral effect," the technical enthu siast was saying. "But I derive most pleasure from the violins, don't you?" "I enn't say that I do. You see, tho (Ish vendors never ploy the v lolln. They nearly always blow a horn." Wash ington Star. It ill. his Fear Hydrophobia. Au Incident which has Just occurred st Paula, province of Cosenxa, Italy, points to the amnzlng Ignorunco and superstition prevalent In that country. Joseph Pa.llllo was bitten by a dog, and Iu sccor.laiH-o with local custom ate Its liver to escape hydrophobia. Nazi day, us was hardly surprising, bo was not well and did uot wish to get up. His wife at once assumed thut he suf fered from Incipient rubies and alarm ed the neighbor. They surrounded the house and ruUed cries of "Smother him!" He escaped through a window, wns pursued, overcome, and, having boon bound to a ladder, wus dragged through toe streets. At length the au thorities Intervened und said thut he must be seut to un asylum. While be ing dragged to the station he Implored for some water, but they would not gtvo him a drop. It la uot to he won dered at that before the train had pro ceeded far he died. Londou Chronicle. An old bachelor says the average wait of womeu Is uutll they are asked to marry. Time may bo a success aa a wound healer, but It seldom removes tbe scare, J